All language subtitles for horrible_histories_s10e08_gory_greek_myths

Horrible Histories

Horrible Histories presents... ...Gory
Greek Myths!

Greetings, mortals!

I am Ratatouille!

The little -known ancient Greek god of
rats and public toilets.

Over 2 ,000 years ago, the ancient
Greeks believed that gods ruled over

from a mountain called Olympus.

And they told tales of these gods in
stories called myths.

And let me tell you, these stories were
bananas.

So, if you like the sound of a woman
with snakes for hair, or a god who hurls

thunderbolts, then buckle up and enjoy
the ride.

You know, there's even a balmy story for
how the Greek gods came about in the

first place.

And that's the actual Mount Olympus,
where we believe the Olympian gods live.

Oh, the gods are so boring, Dad.

Boring? These stories tell us
everything. Where we came from, how the

works, how we should live.

Where would your yo -yo be without
Dionysius, the god of games, huh? Even

sky is a god.

Okay, if the gods are in charge of
everything, who made the gods? Well, I'm

you are. Because I'm going to tell you
how we believe this whole world began.

First there was nothing, just a thing
called chaos. Not okay.

Ow!

Next King Gaia, or as some would call
her, Mother Earth.

Then King Garda fixed the night, then
from her harbor of the day.

So many deities were forming to prepare
for our birth.

I believe the creation myth.

All the stories come from this.

I believe the creation myth.

There's water out of this.

I believe...

Zeus was the god in charge.

He is, but before him, it was Uranus.
Then one of Uranus' kids, the titan

Kronos, cut off his dad's dangly bits.
Okay.

Kronos then had kids who were the gods,
including Zeus, but Kronos was worried

those kids would take over from him, so
he decided to eat them all. What kind of

story is this? I know, right? Anyway, he
ate them all, apart from Zeus, who

Kronos' wife, Rhea, managed to secretly
switch with a rock.

Wow, it's... It's actually getting
weirder. It really is. Then, when Zeus

grown up, he came back and made his dad
vomit all his brothers and sisters.

So, Kronos had to fight all his kids,
you know, the Olympian gods, Hera,

Poseidon, etc.

The kids won, and Zeus took over. Bang!

Are all the stories about the gods this
bonkers?

Um, yeah, pretty much. Great! Tell me
some more!

There's the new family at the top of the
mountain, the Olympian gods!

Fall in love with Hera, goddess of
marriage.

And kicking up a storm, it's the mighty
Zeus, god of thunder and king of the

gods. Zeus, did you put a lightning
storm in the garden?

What makes you think it was me?

What's the big deal?

It's not like I hit anyone with
lightning.

This time... Sorry!

Warning our hearts, it's Hestia, goddess
of the fireplace.

And ploughing in is Demeter, goddess of
the seasons and the harvest.

Can you make it summer all year round so
we don't have to bother with fires?

Of course, but then when would we plant
the crops? And you know I love my food.

Making a splash, it's Poseidon, god of
the ocean.

And he's a bit of a downer. It's Hades,
god of the underworld.

How do I have to live in the underworld?

Well, you are the god of the underworld.

I could die being god of the tank shop.

Now the gods are here, ancient Greece is
about to become a whole lot more

interesting. Listen, guys, shouldn't we
use our powers to help the people of

Greece?

We could just keep messing with them.
Yes, please.

Sorry, dude.

The Olympian gods.

Heaven knows what these guys are going
to get up to in that.

Most Greek myths are either about the
gods or the stuff they got up to when

were toying with the human mortals below
on Earth.

Sometimes the mortals would go on epic
adventures where they faced terrible

ordeals designed by the gods.

These brave people were called heroes.

And it's fair to say that many of their
stories are not exactly bedtime story

material. I might hide behind the sofa
for this one.

It's nearly bedtime here at Yee Bee
Bees, so for all of you little heroes

heading off to adventures in Dreamland,
we've got a special guest who's going to

share some amazing stories about his
family, the Greek gods.

Hello, Mr. Zeus.

It's actually King Zeus, but fine.
Hello, children.

Would you like to hear some stories
about animals?

Oh, yes, please. We love animals.

Once upon a time, there was a giant.

called Argus, with 100 eyes. And he was
guarding the most beautiful cow, Io.

Cow go moo.

Well, this cow was secretly my
girlfriend.

So one day I went to one of my sons, the
god Hermes, to put Argus to sleep and

kill him with a big rock.

Now the giant's eyes decorate the
peacock's tail.

Peacock go.

Well, happy times. I was now free to run
off with Eye of the Cow.

OK. How about a different story?

Here's one about my daughter, the
goddess Artemis. She was bathing in a

When a hunter saw her in the nuddy, she
was so angry, she turned him into a

deer. And the hunter's own dogs tore him
to shreds.

Dogs go woof, woof. It was more like...
OK,

OK. Sort of a pack of them.

Have you got a nicer story? Maybe one
about a brave Greek hero?

I've got just the one.

The tale of Theseus and the Minotaur, a
monster that's half man, half bull.

Once upon a time... Oh, that's more like
it. There was a monster eating

children. I've actually got some
pictures here.

Oh, no, no, no. Have you got anything in
there that's suitable for children?

Let me have a look.

It is children, smashed by rocks,
monster, monster, monster.

Oh, yeah.

Icarus. Yeah, his dad made him some
wings out of wax and feathers.

Oh, and did he go on a lovely adventure
with his new friends the seagulls?

Initially, then he flew too close to the
sun and the wax melted and he crashed

into the sea and drowned horribly.

Okay, and that's all we have for today.
Good night, children. Sleep well. And

remember, monsters aren't real.

Oh, they are.

They're real.

Hi, I'm the Greek hero Heracles, or as
the Romans called me, Hercules.

Bullseye! They're always bullseyes.

I'm a demigod. Being a demigod means
that I was the son of a mortal, my mum

Alcmena, and the son of a god, my dad,
Zeus.

But out that, this is my story. Story's
done.

Mum wasn't married to Zeus. He already
had a wife called Hera.

Hera was so angry when she found out
that I was due son that she got King

Aristeas to give me ten impossible tasks
called labours. She hoped that one of

them would kill me. Instead, I aced the
lot and became a legend.

The king even gave me two extra tasks
because he said I cheated.

So which of these was one of the twelve
labours of Heracles?

Did I have to?

A. Defeat a load of man -eating birds
with metal beaks.

bring back a three -headed dog from the
underworld, or, Steve, clean out stables

for 3 ,000 cows in a single day?

And the answer is, all three.

Yep, I even have to muck out the huge
stables belonging to King Orgeus.

Oh, and they haven't been cleaned for 30
years.

You know what?

There's miles of this stuff.

It'd be quickest to just divert a river
through the whole building and...

Wash it all away.

I might just do that.

Oh, that's disgusting.

Okay, guys, listen up.

Hi, I'm Jason. Hi, Jason.

Heracles looking strong.

Oh, thanks.

Orpheus looking dashing. And Atalanta,
oh, divine.

I know. I, too, am feeling very well. In
case anyone's wondering.

Thanks, Castor. And thank you all for
agreeing to help me to my rightful place

on the throne of Bethel. The plan is
simply to sail from Greece to Colgan to

find the golden fleece. The golden
fleece. Oh, so much talking.

Can we not just go and get the stupid
rug and come back? Thanks, Atalanta.

There's just one or two things I want to
prepare my Argonauts for.

What's an Argonaut?

Yeah, is that like a peanut? Because I'm
allergic, you know. No, our ship is

called the Argo, therefore you guys are
the Argonauts.

There she is. Lucky the ship wasn't
called Coco.

Coco nuts.

Forget it. Okay, first stop is the
island of Lemnos.

Lemnos. That's an island populated by
single women. Oh, yeah.

They're single because the goddess
Aphrodite cursed them all. I knew it was

good to be true. And they all killed
their lovers.

Is that an optional stop?

After that, we'll stop at Bear Mountain,
where there are giants with six arms

called the Geganines.

Geganines, there he is. Sure, that's not
just three people standing behind each

other. We'll also be stopping off in
Thrace, where it'll all be parties,

parties, parties.

And harpies.

What was that last one? Harpies.

They're half women, half birds with big
old bird claws. They're extremely

violent. It still seems like a lot of
work for a rug.

So, after the massive rocks that smash
ships to pieces... Is when things get

tricky. Oh, right.

That's when things get tricky, is it?
Oh, yes. We'll be facing fire -breathing

cows... Hang on.

I'm taking notes.

OK. And also the dragon that never
sleeps.

How do we deal with the dragon? The plan
is to put it to sleep.

So we put the sleepless dragon to sleep.

I didn't say it was a good plan. Once
we've got the golden fleece, it's a

journey. Back past the deadly sirens to
Thessaly, where my uncle will make me

king.

That's your idea of simple, is it? Yeah,
seems pretty doable.

Sir, you're forgetting to tell them
about the Talos. So what now?

It's the big metal man.

Hurling boulders and doing this.

No, no, no, no. It's still too much work
for a rug. Look, they sell the same

ones down the market. I've seen them.

Right, new plan.

Let's go to the market. Do any of you
have any money? No.

Fine. Go with Jason.

And the Argonauts. Oh, Argonauts. Right,
come on.

Guys, wait for me.

Argonauts assemble!

Oh, hey, guys. It's me, Zeus.

I've transformed myself into a goose.

Yeah, Zeus -y goose -y, baby.

The myth said that we gods could
disguise ourselves by transforming into

animals, and I like nothing better than
a bit of shape -shifting, especially

when I was trying to romance people I
had a crush on.

Zeus goose out.

Going on a date can be a stressful event
for anyone.

So imagine what it feels like to be
going on a date with a god.

Let's do this.

Roxy, a nurse from Margate, has arrived
for her first date with Zeus.

I'll be honest, dating a god is a step
up for me. I usually date DJs.

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, there's a giant
ant on the table.

This is your date. This is the god Zeus.

Well, hello there.

Have fun. Thank you. Enjoy.

Yeah, that was me. I like to make an
effort, dress up for a date. I turned

a cuckoo to woo the goddess Hera.

Half -goat man for the princess Vantio.

Swan for letter, another swan for
nemesis. And today an ant.

A chick -stick ant.

I'll be honest, an ant is a
disappointment.

Can you imagine introducing an ant to
your parents?

They were angry enough about DJ Terry.

Roxy has been to the ladies' room to
text her friend Sherry.

It's not all she was doing in there.

Ambrosia went right through me.

I'm so sorry, I don't know if you need
me.

Take a seat. Oh, hey, babe.

That was your date?

That was Zeus?

No. Yes?

I mean, I knew he'd appeared as a fire
today at the pool, but still, you don't

expect it.

Things are looking up for Roxy.

A Zeus has now transformed himself into
an ancient Greek shepherd.

So, have you been married before?

Oh, yeah, yeah, seven times, including
to two of my aunts and two of my

Oh, and I ate my first wife.

You ate your wife?

Uh -huh.

Oh, I think Zeus has transformed into a
pile of gold. I think I can work with

it.

Oh, it looks like he's paying.

Yes.

He just turned into a bull, didn't he?

It did.

Honestly, I've been on worth date.

So have you.

I wonder why Zeus never chose to turn
into a rat.

I've a good mind to have a word with him
about it. I mean, we can be symbols of

romance too.

Here, listen.

Music, please.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

I live in a sewer surrounded by...

You know what? Forget it. He was
probably right about us. And besides,

not to bother him. You don't want to get
on the wrong side of a Greek god. They

had terrible tempers, and the
punishments they dished out were eye

Oh, no!

Not again!

All right? What?

I'm King Tantalus.

Disciples.

Couldn't keep the screaming down, could
you? Oh, sorry about that. It's just the

rock's really heavy and... I can't
believe I've got to do this for

eternity. They said if I pushed the rock
to the top of the hill, I could live

forever. But I never quite make it.

What do you do to deserve that?

Well, I took the God of Death.

He tried to tie me up.

I tied him up instead.

Oh, I remember you.

No one died because the God of Death was
tied up.

I was sent to the land of the dead as
punishment.

But I got sent back to the land of the
living because I told my wife not to

my body properly.

Why'd you do that? So they'd send me
back to tell her off.

That works.

Yep. Lived to a ripe old age.

But Zeus was annoyed, so as punishment,
he's made me do this.

Yes, I'm going to do it.

Your punishment doesn't look bad. Having
a paddle and nibbling fruit.

Oh, yeah.

Watch this.

This time.

Oh, no.

That is tantalisingly close.

Yeah, actually, that's where the word
comes from.

My name is Tantalus. And there's this.

I haven't drunk or eaten anything since
I've been here.

Still, could be worse. Could be King
Phlegius. All right, Phlegius?

Buried in rock and unable to reach a
wonderful fish.

Poor bloke.

I'm not for swapping if he is.

Hi, I'm Pandora.

Zeus had me molded from clay to bring
temptation and ruin to men. The legend

says I had a box which, when opened,
would release terrible suffering into

world. Or, at least, that's how you
might hear the story told in school.

But in the original story, there was
something different about Pandora's box.

Was it, A, that if you opened the lid,
it made a fart noise?

B, that it wasn't a box at all?

Or C, that the box had little legs and
kept running away?

The answer is B.

It wasn't a box at all. It was actually
a jar. The famous 16th century writer

Erasmus made a mistake in his
translation, and people have wrongly

Pandora's box instead of Pandora's jar
ever since.

Amazing, really, to think that all the
plagues and evils in the world could fit

into a little jar like that.

Right. Yeah, that's definitely broken.

Run away.

One of the most famous Greek myths is
the story of Troy.

The city that had a ten -year war with
Greece until the legendary King Odysseus

came up with a clever way of sneaking a
Greek army into Troy just when the

Trojans thought the fighting had
finished.

Hey, do you have phobia?

Oh, yeah. Hey, babes. You know how,
like, the Greeks have gone and the war

over? I really want to talk about our
relationship.

Basically, I just, I want to know where
your head is at.

Sorry, babe, I'm, like, super focused on
this massive wooden horse right now.

Oh, empty.

I actually can't believe you're talking
about horses right now. This is so not

okay. It's just, like, super weird that,
like, a giant wooden horse turns up,

like, literally the day after the Greek
flu.

Can we please talk about the massive
elephant in the room?

No way there's an elephant, too. Wow.
Bro, she's pouring her heart out down

there.

Okay, is it just me, or did that massive
wooden horse just speak? And did it

not, like, sound like the Greek hero
Diomedes?

Diomedes? Yes, but it's been hiding.

Yes, I'm sorry, bro. I'll be quiet.

Yes, sure. Okay, is the horse now
arguing with itself?

It's making horse noises, Deophobus.
It's a horse.

Get over it.

No, no. Like, I hear that. I hear that.
It's just like, should a wooden horse

be, like, making any noises, like, at
all?

Quiet. Quiet.

I don't know, Deophobus. I'm not, like,
a horse at bark.

I'm just someone trying to have a combo
with her hubby.

No, no, no. Like, I hear that. I hear
that. But it's just like... This wooden

horse could be full of, like, enemy
soldiers or something.

And, like, letting them into the city
would be, like, serious yikes.

You will do anything to avoid talking
about your feelings, won't you? What's

next? You're going to tell me my ex
-hubby Menelaus is in there, too.

Yeah. Hi, hon.

Shh, guys.

It's a wooden horse. It doesn't need
your kick -up.

Just think of some lips.

Okay, fine.

I'm going to do impressions of all the
Greek captains' wives, and if they're in

there, they'll have to reply.

That's amazing.

Let's do it.

Hello, Odysseus.

It's your wife, Penelope.

How are you in there?

Oh, gee, Odysseus, your wife's outside.

Cracking impression, baby. OK, OK, my
go, my go. I'm going to do Menelaus'

Menelaus, I am your wife.

Hang on.

Are you with Menelaus' wife?

That's a really hurtful impression,
actually. Is that really how you think I

sound? Um, no.

It is totally how you sound.

Okay, fine.

I'll settle this.

Menelaus, are you hiding in there with a
bunch of Greek soldiers?

Um... No?

There.

Okay, well, I can't argue with that.
Better take it inside the city and leave

unguarded all night.

Fine. I'll get him from home.

See you later, Helen!

Oh, I give up.

After the war, Odysseus returned home on
a journey that was described in an

ancient poem called The Odyssey, written
by me, the Greek storyteller Homer.

His trip took ten years and was filled
with terrifying encounters with mythical

beasts like the Siren of the Sea, a
deadly creature whose singing voice no

could resist.

It's just like me when I'm singing in
the shower.

People can't resist!

Shouting, put a cork in it, Homer,
you're scaring the donkey.

Charming.

She was the most enchanting creature in
the sea.

The Little Siren.

Half woman, half bird?

Well, fish would be silly.

Yeah, I guess.

She dreamt of being with people.

Well, being with them while eating them.

When they hear me sing, they can't
resist my voice, so they jump off their

boats.

You sound so beautiful!

A voice so beguiling, men would die for
it.

Starring Odysseus, the Greek hero on his
way back from the Trojan War.

I, Odysseus, am too strong and heroic to
be tempted by your song.

But I have asked my men to tie me to my
boat just in case. Men, protect your

ears. He's the hero who survived by
being tied to his mast so he couldn't

overboard. And who told his men to fill
their ears with rag so they didn't heed

the siren's call.

Ah! The Jews!

I must go to you. Even though I'm
married and you're mostly seagull, we

make it work.

Also starring legendary hero Jason and
his Argonauts. Another ship full of

Greeks in my collection.

But in Jason and one of his crewmates,
she had finally met her musical match.

Who is that?

Orpheus, keep playing your song.
Orpheus.

who the myths say with his lyre drowned
her out with the most beautiful song in

the world.

The Little Siren.

Nobody can resist her charms.

Except Odysseus, Jason and Jason's mate
Orpheus. And any other Greek who wanted

to show they could outsmart her, really.
Whatever. I don't fancy Greek for

lunch, anyway.

The ancient Greeks really did believe in
all these gods and their myths. And

these stories are still everywhere you
look today.

They're in our books.

and films, and they live on in the stars
of the night sky.

Ooh, something ancient astronomer
Ptolemy has a little tune about.

Up there's a sky, up there's a sky full
of mists.

I'm Ptolemy, I wrote them down in a
list.

If you look high and screw your eyes up
a bit,

you will see all the myths.

Lyra's there, it was played by Orpheus.

Pegasus and Perseus too.

That one's a bull that we call Taurus.

That bull is deuce.

Just think of constellations like Big
Dot the Dots, man.

That one's Hercules, or Heracles if
you're saying it properly.

There's Cancer, the crab that bit
Heracles' foot. Leo, the lion that

killed. Triangulum, the triangle.

Well, they can't all be great stories.

Over there, that Lord of Cassiopeia

The great bears up there too

Cause in the sky, the

Greeks we put All the myths, all our
stories on view

I wrote down 48 constellations in my 150
AD book, The Almagest. So, what does it

mean? Oh, the greatest.

Is that referring to me or the stars?

You decide.

I think you know the answer.

Look up there, everywhere, you see
stars.

Well, if the clouds...

Up there's a sky, up there's a sky full
of myths. Oh, yeah. And the moon.

They're half birds with big bird claws.

Big bird claws.

They're extremely violent. Oh, dear.

It's juice.