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Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians,
fighting Frenchmen, far victorious,
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00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:12,380
wars, ferocious fights, stingy cartels,
daring knights, horrors that divide,
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00:00:12,540 --> 00:00:15,700
description, cutthroat, cosmopolitan,
Egyptian, magic, sexist, cruel, crime,
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00:00:15,740 --> 00:00:19,020
punishment, from ancient times, Roman,
rotten, ragged, ruthless, Norman,
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00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,200
fierce, and toothless, civil wars,
brainy, faking, mean and Muslim, middle
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00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:28,960
-aged, gory stories, we do that, and
your hope's a drumming rap, the park is
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00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,860
longer a mystery, welcome to...
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00:00:32,110 --> 00:00:33,770
Horrible History.
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00:00:38,010 --> 00:00:42,570
Horrible History presents Horrible
Oliver Cromwell.
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00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:46,610
Stop doing that.
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Considering his lowly birth, a man he
sure done well.
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00:00:51,150 --> 00:00:54,730
Monarch rejecter, lord protector, Oliver
Cromwell.
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For Cromwell was a roundhead and not a
cavalier.
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Those cavaliers are laughing lot, but he
said, no laughs here.
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00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:07,980
When all was six, Guy Fawkes tried to
blow Parliament open wide. In his way,
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00:01:08,060 --> 00:01:10,580
Cromwell did more to kick Parliament's
backside.
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In a thousand years of England, it's the
only time we've been a country with a
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leader, but without a king or queen.
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Oliver Cromwell was born in 1599 and was
raised as a strict Protestant called a
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Puritan. He would go on to topple the
king and become leader of the country
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himself. But when he first started out
as a Member of Parliament, he really
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didn't make much of an impression at
all.
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Hear ye!
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Hear ye!
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In this week's Gothic -packed Oye
magazine, get the lowdown on all the
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celebrity scandals, including hot, young
Member of Parliament Oliver Cromwell!
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Find out what everyone's saying about
the Huntington hunk. Juicy!
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Oliver who?
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Cromwell? No, not ringing any bells.
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Apparently they're saying nothing about
him. Oh, hang on.
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00:02:06,230 --> 00:02:07,950
See that scruffy fellow?
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I remember.
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He only made one speech and everyone
hated him. Find out Ollie's skincare
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secret. Ding dong!
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It's like you're shaving when your face
is covered in water.
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There goes another one.
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We've got the pictures nobody wants to
see.
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Oh, mummy.
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The young Oliver Cromwell. He's rude,
boring, a bit disgusting, and nobody
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who he is.
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Oh, well.
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IA Magazine. Buy it today.
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It's Cromwell Dusty.
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Ha. I'm Mr. H.
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I went to a lot of effort to find the
craziest fools in history. So put down
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that mobile phone.
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Put it down.
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That's it.
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And pay attention in my eye. It might
just save your life, bro.
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King Charles I of England and Scotland.
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Now, all that curly hair, all these
fancy clothes, you might think he looks
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bit like your mum.
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Or a crazy fool.
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And you'd be right.
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He could rule how... I broke it.
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And you'd be right.
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He thought he could rule however he
wanted.
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And that his authority was sent to him
from God above.
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He ignored the people and kept getting
rid of Parliament.
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And ended up starting like a civil war
or something.
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You are bare crazy, bruv.
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When the trouble really started, Charles
I raised his royal standard, which is
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like a flag, to get people on his side.
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Shame he couldn't keep it up, right?
It's a sign, Charlie! You're going out
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business, mate!
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You want to start making sandwiches or
something?
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Ow!
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Now, King Charles I was king of England
and Scotland, but could have been
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crowned king of annoying fools.
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Here he is meeting one of the rebellion
commanders.
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Oliver Cromwell.
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Your Majesty, let us hope we may bring
about peace with these negotiations.
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Shall we begin?
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Perhaps we shall.
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So, will we or won't we?
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An excellent question that deserves an
excellent answer.
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But what is the answer?
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What's in all?
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No, no, no. To the question, Your
Majesty. Another excellent question.
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really rather good at those.
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00:04:41,870 --> 00:04:43,250
You curly idiot!
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The man is trying to make peace, you
blazing royal fool! Until next time,
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away from stupid... I've got to go. I've
got tickets for King. I've got tickets
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for King.
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So King Charles and Parliament fell out
so spectacularly that the only option
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was war.
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And so, in 1642, the English Civil War
began.
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On one side, Oliver Cromwell and the
Parliamentarian Army, known as the
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Roundheads. And on the other side, King
Charles and the Royalists, who were also
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called the Cavaliers.
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00:05:16,230 --> 00:05:17,290
Sounds simple, right?
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Wrong. Chaos, the Civil War board game.
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00:05:20,990 --> 00:05:24,810
It's Royalists versus Parliamentarians
in the most complicated game ever.
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I declare civil war. Emma, you're a
mighty... Round one, and it's Scotland
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versus England.
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00:05:31,190 --> 00:05:32,530
Cool. We'll be the Scottish.
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We're unhappy with King Charles'
religion, so we're eating an army. Aye.
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I'm the king.
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00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:41,050
I'll march north and make a peace
treaty.
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00:05:41,370 --> 00:05:42,370
Dealt with.
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00:05:43,070 --> 00:05:45,850
Round two. It's Scotland and England
again.
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Us Scots have changed our mind about
peace. We're eating an army and going to
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invade England.
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00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:51,829
Oh, crap.
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All my armies have retreated and I've
run out of soldiers.
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I know.
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I'll play my... Ask Parliament for money
card.
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They've said no.
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Right, that's it. I'm getting rid of
Parliament.
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Round three. It's England versus
Scotland and England. Reset the board.
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00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:13,680
your Parliament pieces in the south and
Royalists in the north. Sounds easy
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enough. Now place some of the
Parliamentarians in the north and some
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in the south.
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OK. Now place Parliamentarians in the
cities. Take some of them out again and
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00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:24,800
put the Royalists in those cities.
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And don't forget the Scots who are
fighting against the King in this round
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the Irish who are fighting for the King.
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And all the mercenaries from Europe who
could be fighting behind the sun.
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But this is chaos.
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That's right, chaos. The new Civil War
ball game.
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There are places where other villages
are fighting against each other. Chaos.
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There are families with pieces on both
sides.
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Chaos. Or pieces that change sides
during the game.
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Just like in the Civil War itself.
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Absolute chaos.
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Call it a day. Yeah.
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00:06:51,270 --> 00:06:54,030
No, it's time to play the all -important
Cromwell card.
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00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,880
The stuff always says a low -ranking
captain is useless.
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00:06:58,220 --> 00:07:01,040
But play the game right and he'll end up
running the country.
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00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,140
How long does this game take to play,
please?
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00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:07,380
Between nine and 19 years, depending on
how you look at it. I don't remember
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which side I'm playing. I can't even
remember my name.
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Chaos, the Civil War ball game.
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Total chaos.
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Exactly.
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When King Charles raised his war banner
at Nottingham, I had already taken sides
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against him. But what did I do in
Cambridge to become famous around the
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Did I A, burn an effigy of his body, B,
capture his valuable silver, or C, write
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a rude poem about him?
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00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:38,660
The answer is B. I rushed to Cambridge
and grabbed his valuable silver
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collection before he could use it to pay
his troops.
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Then I gathered a volunteer army of men
and declared Cambridge to be against the
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king. That's right. I'm not just a
pretty face.
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I'm a man of action, too.
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Okay, I'm maybe just a man of action.
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Lots of Parliament's supporters in the
Civil War were Puritans, including
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Cromwell. Puritans dressed in simple
black and white clothes and followed the
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words of the Bible to the letter, which
inspired them to give each other some
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pretty strange names.
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00:08:14,550 --> 00:08:18,650
As of this moment, you are soldiers in
the army of the Eastern Association of
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the Parliamentarian Army.
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When you hear your name called out, say
here.
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Fight the good fight of faith.
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Here. Job raked out of the ashes.
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Aye. Sorry for sin.
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00:08:30,290 --> 00:08:31,149
Aye, sir.
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Dantzel Del Fabo Mark Anthony Gallery
says... Okay, that's not a real one.
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00:08:36,230 --> 00:08:39,190
Very funny. You're having fun with the
new officer.
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I get it. Fair enough.
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Where's the real list?
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That is the real list.
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Tell no lies, soldier.
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It's pronounced tell no lies, sir. Well,
I guess I should be thankful I've got a
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normal name. My name's be thankful too,
sir. And I'm glad I've got a normal name
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as well.
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Let's just get to the end of the list,
shall we? We're willing and able, sir.
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Excellent. No, I'm willing and he's
able. Right.
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00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:05,870
Well, the sooner we get through this,
the sooner we can have you wrestling
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00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:08,510
the enemy. Here. Your name is the enemy.
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00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:09,930
Don't be ridiculous.
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It's wrestling with.
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00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,660
Soldiers, do not speak unless you hear
your name.
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Let's try and get through this.
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Okay.
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00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,420
Diewell Sykes. Here, sir.
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Sudden death.
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00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:26,200
Here. Fortunate name for a soldier,
that.
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Jolly death. Here, sir.
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00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:33,380
That's not much better. Your names are
all Batty. No, only my name is Batty,
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00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:35,940
sir. Well, I must admit, this isn't the
welcome I was expecting.
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00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:39,560
And no, you're not the welcome I was
expecting either.
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Right, do what you're told, and you may
survive this war.
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My name is Victory!
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It really is. That's my name.
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The Civil War is sure brought Cromwell
firmly to the fore.
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In 1644, at Marston Moor, Forster
withdrew.
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He won at Naseby. All said, praise be,
Cromwell fights like barmy. He's just
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model we require for our new model army.
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Energy. Did you see?
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In a time for heroes.
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00:10:12,550 --> 00:10:19,250
In a time when brother fought brother,
in a time of chaos and bloodshed, came a
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hero.
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00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:26,630
A soldier who would create a new model
army and lead the parliamentarian forces
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00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:32,470
to victory at Marston Moor and Naseby
and ultimately win the Civil War. He was
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00:10:32,470 --> 00:10:33,770
Oliver Cromwell.
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00:10:34,010 --> 00:10:38,890
Hello. Hang on. Sorry, this is the story
of me, Sir Thomas Fairfax.
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00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,480
I was the one that did all those things,
not him. No, I'm pretty sure Oliver
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00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:43,840
Cromwell won the Civil War.
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00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,680
I certainly did a lot of the work.
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00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:46,779
Hang on.
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00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,260
He was just my deputy.
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00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,760
I was in charge of the army. Honestly,
why does yours get publicity?
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00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:54,260
If anyone won the Civil War, I did.
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00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:02,420
Idiot. Full Metal Helmet. The story of
Sir Thomas Fairfax. The hero of the
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00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:03,420
English Civil War.
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00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:04,660
Thank you.
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00:11:05,310 --> 00:11:08,390
I like it. The man who won a war and
killed a king.
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00:11:08,590 --> 00:11:09,590
Hang on. No.
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00:11:09,630 --> 00:11:11,710
That was Cromwell. I had no part in
that.
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00:11:11,990 --> 00:11:16,130
Yeah, that was me. The man who ruled a
nation as Lord Protector.
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00:11:16,350 --> 00:11:17,990
I think that was me too.
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00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:23,490
Look. After the war, he took over,
executed the king, became Lord
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00:11:27,930 --> 00:11:30,870
But I was the only... See, I saw you
that time.
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00:11:32,310 --> 00:11:34,010
But I was the only leader...
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00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:35,910
Who won the war, okay?
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00:11:36,350 --> 00:11:39,890
I just didn't do anything after that.
Actually, that's not true. Later on,
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00:11:39,890 --> 00:11:41,350
out of retirement, helped restore the
monarchy.
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00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:44,750
Sir Thomas Fairbanks in full metal
helmet.
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00:11:45,130 --> 00:11:48,330
He won a war and couldn't be bothered to
do anything else.
220
00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:51,730
Then he came back and helped the people
he defeated get back into power.
221
00:11:54,010 --> 00:11:55,710
Yeah, to be fair, that's pretty much it.
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00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,900
The Civil War turned the country upside
down.
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00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:06,480
Battles were fought all over the place,
and unfortunately, 17th century doctors
224
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,360
couldn't always help the wounded. And
they had some pretty strange ideas about
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00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,380
what was bad for you.
226
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,420
Water, beware!
227
00:12:14,780 --> 00:12:16,100
You, sir, stop!
228
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,760
You're in mortal danger!
229
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,360
Not behind you, down there!
230
00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:22,260
A bit left.
231
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,040
A bit more.
232
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:26,360
Yes, there.
233
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:28,640
Water, beware.
234
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,180
Cutting -edge research by leading
doctors has proven water affects humans
235
00:12:33,180 --> 00:12:34,180
ghastly ways.
236
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:37,760
One, it fills the head with vapors,
making you dangerously dizzy.
237
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,960
Two, water loosens muscles, so you can't
control your limbs.
238
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:48,760
Wibbly wobbly.
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00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:53,440
Three, water unclogs the pores of your
skin.
240
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:57,650
So foul plague odours can get into your
body.
241
00:12:59,150 --> 00:13:02,150
So follow these suggestions to protect
you and your family.
242
00:13:02,410 --> 00:13:05,750
Don't drink water. Only safe drinks,
like beer.
243
00:13:06,510 --> 00:13:07,770
Never wash.
244
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:09,930
Just change your shirt every day
instead.
245
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:17,610
So next time you or your loved ones
fancy a drink or a wash, remember, love
246
00:13:17,610 --> 00:13:19,770
dirt, change your shirt, and no one gets
hurt.
247
00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:22,470
Because water equals death.
248
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,700
Warning, only silly doctors believe
this. The rest of you just carry on as
249
00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:29,100
normal. I always knew being a dirty rat
was a good thing.
250
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:36,200
The Civil War dragged on for years, but
eventually Cromwell's army defeated the
251
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,200
King's Cavaliers.
252
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,920
Ollie put the King on trial for high
treason against England.
253
00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:43,740
Charlie was found guilty and executed.
254
00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:50,580
Cromwell took control of Parliament and
the country, but with great power comes
255
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,320
great... Piles of problems.
256
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,660
Careful what you wish for, Cromwell.
257
00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:56,900
The king refused to abdicate.
258
00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,560
He was found guilty of being a tyrant, a
traitor and a murderer.
259
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,780
He left us no choice but to chop off his
head.
260
00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:07,280
It was a cruel necessity.
261
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,160
It was a cruel necessity.
262
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:16,280
Something of a mess, but he's a right
charlie, too proud a king to work with
263
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,280
bitch and peas.
264
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:23,430
Parliament he did abandon, doesn't have
a leg to stand on. The cruel necessity
265
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:29,910
of God's will came to me. It came to
you. It came to me.
266
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:34,670
We'd scrap the long parliament, leaving
us with a rump.
267
00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:39,270
Four supporters would help me, but they
got the hump.
268
00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:44,430
I tried to delegate the craft of state.
Instead, all landed on my plate.
269
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:49,950
Had to go and fight in Dublin, leaving
Dolce in charge of Dublin. I ditched the
270
00:14:49,950 --> 00:14:54,330
king, but those MPs were worse than he.
Not so easy, eh?
271
00:14:54,570 --> 00:14:56,750
But still a cruel necessity.
272
00:14:57,270 --> 00:15:03,730
So many had said to me, Charlie's off
his trolley. Ollie, boil his head for
273
00:15:04,590 --> 00:15:08,750
But despite decapitation, they dispute
my legislation.
274
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:15,590
Those dark ministers will be the death
of me. You'll come to me. Shut up
275
00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:22,350
already. Now, I'm not king of these
whingers who make me look a chump. I
276
00:15:22,350 --> 00:15:24,070
them so because they go.
277
00:15:24,330 --> 00:15:28,370
And I've done this from my new nominated
parliament.
278
00:15:28,770 --> 00:15:30,390
Much greater pedigree.
279
00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:36,550
They're excellent chaps, clever too, and
all God chose by me. Oh, whoop -de
280
00:15:36,550 --> 00:15:38,690
-doo, they're going to be like me.
281
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,640
Vote like me. Do what I ask them to do.
282
00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:45,400
I disagree.
283
00:15:46,180 --> 00:15:47,159
Who are you?
284
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,560
Praise God, bare bones.
285
00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:53,120
Well, praise me. I don't like to moan.
Your army cronies annoy me.
286
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,280
What's for it? Cruel necessity.
287
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,760
Time to ditch this ministry.
288
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,160
Even bare bones parliament.
289
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,980
Fight among themselves.
290
00:16:04,010 --> 00:16:09,250
What this failing public sector means
now is a Lord Protector to nominate
291
00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:11,330
nobody's governing state.
292
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,690
Ah, crew, you ungrateful crew.
293
00:16:13,910 --> 00:16:17,150
You make me spew. It's like a zoo.
294
00:16:17,550 --> 00:16:18,810
Well, we do.
295
00:16:20,490 --> 00:16:26,310
Looks like all that power had started to
make Cromwell's head Crom -swell.
296
00:16:27,550 --> 00:16:33,030
He became Lord Protector. But he was
nothing like King Charles.
297
00:16:33,630 --> 00:16:36,010
Except for being really stubborn, like
King Charles.
298
00:16:36,390 --> 00:16:40,570
Never ever agreeing with Parliament and
having it closed down, like King
299
00:16:40,570 --> 00:16:44,970
Charles. And using the army to rule the
country, like King Charles. Do you hang
300
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:47,030
on? He was a lot like King Charles.
301
00:16:47,530 --> 00:16:51,970
And people were so used to having a king
or queen, no one really knew what to
302
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:56,110
call Cromwell and his wife Elizabeth, or
how to treat them.
303
00:16:56,970 --> 00:17:00,030
The king is gone, but Parliament is
incapable of ruling.
304
00:17:00,810 --> 00:17:02,810
I take this title with a heavy heart.
305
00:17:03,010 --> 00:17:04,010
Yes, your majesty.
306
00:17:04,310 --> 00:17:06,050
Did you say majesty? Please don't call
me that.
307
00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:08,349
Sorry, your majesty. I mean general.
308
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,310
Listen, I'm not going to become king
myself. We discussed this.
309
00:17:11,589 --> 00:17:12,589
Absolutely.
310
00:17:13,369 --> 00:17:16,030
There's no point killing King Charles
and replacing him with King Oliver.
311
00:17:16,329 --> 00:17:21,890
We fought a war over it. Absolutely. We
all agree with you 100%. Your highness.
312
00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:23,450
That one's okay.
313
00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:25,710
It would be nice to be queen.
314
00:17:25,950 --> 00:17:26,749
It was.
315
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:27,869
I'm sorry, your...
316
00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:29,600
Absolutely right, Oliver.
317
00:17:29,860 --> 00:17:32,440
You shall be Lord Protector and nothing
else.
318
00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:36,400
As you say, Lady Protector. Oh, I like
that.
319
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:37,840
So are we all agreed?
320
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:41,280
Absolutely. You are definitely not
becoming king.
321
00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:46,520
Now, we proceed with the ceremony. We
need you to sit on the throne. The chair
322
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:50,640
of date. Not the throne. It's just a
chair.
323
00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:51,900
It better be.
324
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,420
Did he dispel? I believe.
325
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,600
He was just checking his flyers, Your
Majesty.
326
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,820
Hmm. These look a bit royal.
327
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:07,460
No, just a few things to make it
official, Your Maj... Your Major Lord
328
00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:11,520
Protector. Well, I suppose we do need to
keep up appearances.
329
00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:14,820
A few symbols of leadership won't hurt,
just as long as there's no crowd.
330
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:17,819
of maintenance.
331
00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:18,779
No, not crown.
332
00:18:18,780 --> 00:18:22,200
It's completely different. Now, just so
we're under no illusion here, I am not
333
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,560
agreeing to be king at all. I will not
look like the king and I will not act
334
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:26,560
like the king. Is that understood?
335
00:18:26,860 --> 00:18:27,860
No, whatever.
336
00:18:28,420 --> 00:18:29,420
Noted.
337
00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:30,820
Sorry. Good.
338
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:35,120
Now, if you could move our things into
the Palace of Whitehall. Yeah, I want to
339
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:36,160
start redecorating.
340
00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:38,700
Um, isn't that where the king used to
live?
341
00:18:38,940 --> 00:18:40,180
Well, we've got to live somewhere.
342
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,300
Yes, Your Majesty.
343
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:43,880
Don't push it.
344
00:18:46,180 --> 00:18:50,660
Cromwell was a Puritan and their strict
views meant that lots of things people
345
00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:52,360
enjoyed got banned.
346
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,080
Boring!
347
00:18:54,640 --> 00:19:00,900
OK. Hey, Cromwell's Britain, it's me, No
Merit Vinyl. Yes, it's my real name and
348
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:04,300
yes, my little brother is called Fear
God. Puritan parents, right?
349
00:19:04,540 --> 00:19:06,440
Stop it, Fear God, I told you.
350
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:11,600
Anyway, I'm back with my top five of
what's hot right now in entertainment.
351
00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:13,840
OK, number five.
352
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:16,020
Horse racing.
353
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:20,840
It's great, right? You can race or just
hang out with your friends. Only you
354
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:26,100
can't because of Cromwell's bandit. He
says royalists might be meeting at the
355
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,100
event.
356
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:30,600
Unbelievable. I mean, he even enjoys
racing himself.
357
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,200
Okay, number four in my entertainment
countdown.
358
00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:37,240
Stop. Don't follow me, fear god. You'll
ruin the surprise.
359
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:41,580
The theatre.
360
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,040
Everyone loves a play, right?
361
00:19:44,460 --> 00:19:45,339
Not Oliver.
362
00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:47,100
He's closed out most of the theatre.
363
00:19:47,540 --> 00:19:50,720
He says, Royalists might be meeting
there too.
364
00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:54,300
OK, number three. Now.
365
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,080
Fumble! Yay!
366
00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:59,600
Nay.
367
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,860
Apparently we should be thinking about
heaven instead or something.
368
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:10,800
If you get caught playing on a Sunday,
they'll whip you. With whips! OK, number
369
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:11,800
two.
370
00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:14,130
Only guess what?
371
00:20:17,590 --> 00:20:23,430
So, that. No horse racing, no theatre,
no football and no dancing.
372
00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:25,890
Oh well, there's always Christmas.
373
00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:30,750
That is my number one thing to do for
entertainment in Cromwells, Britain.
374
00:20:30,950 --> 00:20:35,730
Only guess what? You can't do that
either. The Christmas decorations, food
375
00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:36,730
games part anyway.
376
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,680
so great, probably going to stop it
soon.
377
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:57,720
So, I'd better name my replacement for
when I go.
378
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,200
But who did I choose to be the new Lord
Protector?
379
00:21:01,820 --> 00:21:08,620
A, my son Richard, B, King Charles I's
son, Charles II, or C,
380
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,240
whoever is the richest man in England?
381
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:16,520
The answer is A.
382
00:21:17,070 --> 00:21:21,890
Even though I'm definitely, definitely
not a king, I am appointing my son as
383
00:21:21,890 --> 00:21:23,290
heir, just like a king does.
384
00:21:23,930 --> 00:21:24,930
What?
385
00:21:25,370 --> 00:21:26,830
No, it's not the same thing.
386
00:21:27,730 --> 00:21:34,090
Oliver Cromwell died of pneumonia in
1658 when he was 59 years old.
387
00:21:34,270 --> 00:21:40,890
And after all that bother, just two
years later, King Charles I's son took
388
00:21:40,890 --> 00:21:45,790
the country, restored the monarchy to
power and was crowned King Charles II.
389
00:21:46,810 --> 00:21:48,110
What a turnaround.
390
00:21:48,490 --> 00:21:51,750
I wonder what Cromwell thinks about
that.
391
00:21:55,050 --> 00:21:58,730
Chatty death, chatty death, my grisly
interviews.
392
00:21:59,850 --> 00:22:03,650
Chatty death, chatty death, they're dead
and famous too.
393
00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:08,770
So I said to the waiter, I'm dead
famous, you know. Because I'm famous and
394
00:22:08,770 --> 00:22:09,770
dead.
395
00:22:11,750 --> 00:22:13,290
Don't hold corpse at once.
396
00:22:13,610 --> 00:22:14,950
Don't hold corpse.
397
00:22:15,190 --> 00:22:16,190
Oh, whatever.
398
00:22:17,020 --> 00:22:18,540
Welcome to... Too late now!
399
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,080
Shut your lids!
400
00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:26,780
Welcome back to Chatty Death. Please put
your hands together for our next guest,
401
00:22:27,020 --> 00:22:31,060
the former Lord Protector of England,
Oliver Cromwell!
402
00:22:34,580 --> 00:22:35,580
So, Ollie!
403
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:36,720
Ollie, Ollie, Ollie, Ollie, Ollie!
404
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,380
Can I call you Ollie? Cool, cool, Ollie
it is.
405
00:22:39,700 --> 00:22:40,940
Thanks for coming on the show.
406
00:22:41,220 --> 00:22:45,160
Didn't really have any choice, so...
Anyway, after you died, your body wasn't
407
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:49,060
looked after properly, so it had to be
buried in secret because you smelled so
408
00:22:49,060 --> 00:22:50,060
bad.
409
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:52,360
What's that?
410
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:54,940
Oliver what? Oliver Strong smell?
411
00:22:55,260 --> 00:22:57,620
Very good! He's good, this kid!
412
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:00,920
So tell me, Ollie...
413
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:02,660
How would you like to be remembered?
414
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,640
Well, I suppose as someone who did what
needed to be done, I'll admit I did some
415
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:10,560
pretty horrible things along the way,
but it was a small price to pay to make
416
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,400
sure that the monarchy would never again
rule this country.
417
00:23:13,900 --> 00:23:14,900
Hmm.
418
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,600
Do you want to tell him or shall I? You
tell him. It's a bit embarrassing. All
419
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:20,600
right, I'll tell him.
420
00:23:20,860 --> 00:23:21,719
Tell me what?
421
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:26,780
Oh, it's just a little thing about
Charles I's son coming back, being
422
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:30,700
King Charles II, murdering virtually
everyone who signed his dad's death
423
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:32,700
and having your corpse dug up and
beheaded.
424
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,560
What else is there? Oh, yeah, and the
monarchy still ruling in Britain today.
425
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,160
Hardly worth mentioning, really, yeah.
426
00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:41,220
Any famous last words?
427
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:43,880
Anyway,
428
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:47,560
that was Oliver Cromwell, everyone.
429
00:23:49,020 --> 00:23:50,020
Sorry, what's that?
430
00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:52,360
Oliver Pongwell!
431
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:53,399
Not as good, mate.
432
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,120
Oliver Pongwell is not as good.
433
00:24:18,060 --> 00:24:19,720
Horrible history.
35875
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