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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,100 Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians, fighting Frenchmen, far victorious, 2 00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:12,380 wars, ferocious fights, stingy cartels, daring knights, horrors that divide, 3 00:00:12,540 --> 00:00:15,700 description, cutthroat, cosmopolitan, Egyptian, magic, sexist, cruel, crime, 4 00:00:15,740 --> 00:00:19,020 punishment, from ancient times, Roman, rotten, ragged, ruthless, Norman, 5 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,200 fierce, and toothless, civil wars, brainy, faking, mean and Muslim, middle 6 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:28,960 -aged, gory stories, we do that, and your hope's a drumming rap, the park is 7 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,860 longer a mystery, welcome to... 8 00:00:32,110 --> 00:00:33,770 Horrible History. 9 00:00:38,010 --> 00:00:42,570 Horrible History presents Horrible Oliver Cromwell. 10 00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:46,610 Stop doing that. 11 00:00:47,150 --> 00:00:50,650 Considering his lowly birth, a man he sure done well. 12 00:00:51,150 --> 00:00:54,730 Monarch rejecter, lord protector, Oliver Cromwell. 13 00:00:54,990 --> 00:00:58,810 For Cromwell was a roundhead and not a cavalier. 14 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,720 Those cavaliers are laughing lot, but he said, no laughs here. 15 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:07,980 When all was six, Guy Fawkes tried to blow Parliament open wide. In his way, 16 00:01:08,060 --> 00:01:10,580 Cromwell did more to kick Parliament's backside. 17 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:16,480 In a thousand years of England, it's the only time we've been a country with a 18 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,560 leader, but without a king or queen. 19 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:25,600 Oliver Cromwell was born in 1599 and was raised as a strict Protestant called a 20 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:29,870 Puritan. He would go on to topple the king and become leader of the country 21 00:01:29,870 --> 00:01:33,730 himself. But when he first started out as a Member of Parliament, he really 22 00:01:33,730 --> 00:01:35,350 didn't make much of an impression at all. 23 00:01:35,690 --> 00:01:36,690 Hear ye! 24 00:01:36,890 --> 00:01:37,890 Hear ye! 25 00:01:38,070 --> 00:01:43,770 In this week's Gothic -packed Oye magazine, get the lowdown on all the 26 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:49,650 celebrity scandals, including hot, young Member of Parliament Oliver Cromwell! 27 00:01:51,050 --> 00:01:55,070 Find out what everyone's saying about the Huntington hunk. Juicy! 28 00:01:55,730 --> 00:01:56,730 Oliver who? 29 00:01:57,230 --> 00:02:00,250 Cromwell? No, not ringing any bells. 30 00:02:02,090 --> 00:02:05,930 Apparently they're saying nothing about him. Oh, hang on. 31 00:02:06,230 --> 00:02:07,950 See that scruffy fellow? 32 00:02:08,190 --> 00:02:09,168 I remember. 33 00:02:09,169 --> 00:02:14,110 He only made one speech and everyone hated him. Find out Ollie's skincare 34 00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:16,170 secret. Ding dong! 35 00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:19,590 It's like you're shaving when your face is covered in water. 36 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,080 There goes another one. 37 00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:28,620 We've got the pictures nobody wants to see. 38 00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:31,760 Oh, mummy. 39 00:02:32,260 --> 00:02:38,640 The young Oliver Cromwell. He's rude, boring, a bit disgusting, and nobody 40 00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:39,640 who he is. 41 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:40,880 Oh, well. 42 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,760 IA Magazine. Buy it today. 43 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:47,880 It's Cromwell Dusty. 44 00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:51,750 Ha. I'm Mr. H. 45 00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:55,830 I went to a lot of effort to find the craziest fools in history. So put down 46 00:02:55,830 --> 00:02:56,830 that mobile phone. 47 00:02:56,950 --> 00:02:57,950 Put it down. 48 00:02:58,330 --> 00:02:59,129 That's it. 49 00:02:59,130 --> 00:03:03,030 And pay attention in my eye. It might just save your life, bro. 50 00:03:07,190 --> 00:03:11,770 King Charles I of England and Scotland. 51 00:03:12,030 --> 00:03:18,430 Now, all that curly hair, all these fancy clothes, you might think he looks 52 00:03:18,430 --> 00:03:19,430 bit like your mum. 53 00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:20,860 Or a crazy fool. 54 00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:22,140 And you'd be right. 55 00:03:22,420 --> 00:03:26,160 He could rule how... I broke it. 56 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:27,700 And you'd be right. 57 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,940 He thought he could rule however he wanted. 58 00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:33,640 And that his authority was sent to him from God above. 59 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,840 He ignored the people and kept getting rid of Parliament. 60 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,900 And ended up starting like a civil war or something. 61 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,900 You are bare crazy, bruv. 62 00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:46,870 When the trouble really started, Charles I raised his royal standard, which is 63 00:03:46,870 --> 00:03:49,470 like a flag, to get people on his side. 64 00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:56,650 Shame he couldn't keep it up, right? It's a sign, Charlie! You're going out 65 00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:57,650 business, mate! 66 00:03:57,690 --> 00:03:59,570 You want to start making sandwiches or something? 67 00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:01,030 Ow! 68 00:04:02,090 --> 00:04:06,870 Now, King Charles I was king of England and Scotland, but could have been 69 00:04:06,870 --> 00:04:08,510 crowned king of annoying fools. 70 00:04:08,730 --> 00:04:11,130 Here he is meeting one of the rebellion commanders. 71 00:04:11,859 --> 00:04:12,980 Oliver Cromwell. 72 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,940 Your Majesty, let us hope we may bring about peace with these negotiations. 73 00:04:16,940 --> 00:04:17,940 Shall we begin? 74 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:19,440 Perhaps we shall. 75 00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:23,380 So, will we or won't we? 76 00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:27,000 An excellent question that deserves an excellent answer. 77 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,640 But what is the answer? 78 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:31,920 What's in all? 79 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,920 No, no, no. To the question, Your Majesty. Another excellent question. 80 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:37,960 really rather good at those. 81 00:04:41,870 --> 00:04:43,250 You curly idiot! 82 00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:48,950 The man is trying to make peace, you blazing royal fool! Until next time, 83 00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:54,730 away from stupid... I've got to go. I've got tickets for King. I've got tickets 84 00:04:54,730 --> 00:04:55,730 for King. 85 00:04:56,270 --> 00:05:01,850 So King Charles and Parliament fell out so spectacularly that the only option 86 00:05:01,850 --> 00:05:02,850 was war. 87 00:05:02,910 --> 00:05:06,750 And so, in 1642, the English Civil War began. 88 00:05:07,290 --> 00:05:10,750 On one side, Oliver Cromwell and the Parliamentarian Army, known as the 89 00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:14,970 Roundheads. And on the other side, King Charles and the Royalists, who were also 90 00:05:14,970 --> 00:05:16,030 called the Cavaliers. 91 00:05:16,230 --> 00:05:17,290 Sounds simple, right? 92 00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:20,750 Wrong. Chaos, the Civil War board game. 93 00:05:20,990 --> 00:05:24,810 It's Royalists versus Parliamentarians in the most complicated game ever. 94 00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:30,190 I declare civil war. Emma, you're a mighty... Round one, and it's Scotland 95 00:05:30,190 --> 00:05:31,189 versus England. 96 00:05:31,190 --> 00:05:32,530 Cool. We'll be the Scottish. 97 00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:36,930 We're unhappy with King Charles' religion, so we're eating an army. Aye. 98 00:05:37,350 --> 00:05:38,350 I'm the king. 99 00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:41,050 I'll march north and make a peace treaty. 100 00:05:41,370 --> 00:05:42,370 Dealt with. 101 00:05:43,070 --> 00:05:45,850 Round two. It's Scotland and England again. 102 00:05:46,210 --> 00:05:49,970 Us Scots have changed our mind about peace. We're eating an army and going to 103 00:05:49,970 --> 00:05:50,849 invade England. 104 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:51,829 Oh, crap. 105 00:05:51,830 --> 00:05:53,930 All my armies have retreated and I've run out of soldiers. 106 00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:55,230 I know. 107 00:05:55,270 --> 00:05:58,050 I'll play my... Ask Parliament for money card. 108 00:05:58,590 --> 00:05:59,610 They've said no. 109 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,140 Right, that's it. I'm getting rid of Parliament. 110 00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:09,060 Round three. It's England versus Scotland and England. Reset the board. 111 00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:13,680 your Parliament pieces in the south and Royalists in the north. Sounds easy 112 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:18,020 enough. Now place some of the Parliamentarians in the north and some 113 00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:18,819 in the south. 114 00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:23,580 OK. Now place Parliamentarians in the cities. Take some of them out again and 115 00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:24,800 put the Royalists in those cities. 116 00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:28,580 And don't forget the Scots who are fighting against the King in this round 117 00:06:28,580 --> 00:06:30,640 the Irish who are fighting for the King. 118 00:06:31,070 --> 00:06:33,730 And all the mercenaries from Europe who could be fighting behind the sun. 119 00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:34,970 But this is chaos. 120 00:06:35,210 --> 00:06:37,370 That's right, chaos. The new Civil War ball game. 121 00:06:37,610 --> 00:06:40,890 There are places where other villages are fighting against each other. Chaos. 122 00:06:41,090 --> 00:06:43,590 There are families with pieces on both sides. 123 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,630 Chaos. Or pieces that change sides during the game. 124 00:06:46,910 --> 00:06:48,110 Just like in the Civil War itself. 125 00:06:48,390 --> 00:06:49,390 Absolute chaos. 126 00:06:49,650 --> 00:06:50,870 Call it a day. Yeah. 127 00:06:51,270 --> 00:06:54,030 No, it's time to play the all -important Cromwell card. 128 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,880 The stuff always says a low -ranking captain is useless. 129 00:06:58,220 --> 00:07:01,040 But play the game right and he'll end up running the country. 130 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,140 How long does this game take to play, please? 131 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:07,380 Between nine and 19 years, depending on how you look at it. I don't remember 132 00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:09,740 which side I'm playing. I can't even remember my name. 133 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,840 Chaos, the Civil War ball game. 134 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,080 Total chaos. 135 00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:14,260 Exactly. 136 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:20,160 When King Charles raised his war banner at Nottingham, I had already taken sides 137 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:24,380 against him. But what did I do in Cambridge to become famous around the 138 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:31,500 Did I A, burn an effigy of his body, B, capture his valuable silver, or C, write 139 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:32,860 a rude poem about him? 140 00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:38,660 The answer is B. I rushed to Cambridge and grabbed his valuable silver 141 00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:40,900 collection before he could use it to pay his troops. 142 00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:45,040 Then I gathered a volunteer army of men and declared Cambridge to be against the 143 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,760 king. That's right. I'm not just a pretty face. 144 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:49,560 I'm a man of action, too. 145 00:07:50,820 --> 00:07:53,300 Okay, I'm maybe just a man of action. 146 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:59,770 Lots of Parliament's supporters in the Civil War were Puritans, including 147 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:04,390 Cromwell. Puritans dressed in simple black and white clothes and followed the 148 00:08:04,390 --> 00:08:08,850 words of the Bible to the letter, which inspired them to give each other some 149 00:08:08,850 --> 00:08:10,730 pretty strange names. 150 00:08:14,550 --> 00:08:18,650 As of this moment, you are soldiers in the army of the Eastern Association of 151 00:08:18,650 --> 00:08:19,990 the Parliamentarian Army. 152 00:08:21,290 --> 00:08:23,490 When you hear your name called out, say here. 153 00:08:23,950 --> 00:08:25,410 Fight the good fight of faith. 154 00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:28,150 Here. Job raked out of the ashes. 155 00:08:28,510 --> 00:08:30,070 Aye. Sorry for sin. 156 00:08:30,290 --> 00:08:31,149 Aye, sir. 157 00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:35,990 Dantzel Del Fabo Mark Anthony Gallery says... Okay, that's not a real one. 158 00:08:36,230 --> 00:08:39,190 Very funny. You're having fun with the new officer. 159 00:08:39,409 --> 00:08:40,890 I get it. Fair enough. 160 00:08:41,330 --> 00:08:42,390 Where's the real list? 161 00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:43,690 That is the real list. 162 00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:45,190 Tell no lies, soldier. 163 00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:49,510 It's pronounced tell no lies, sir. Well, I guess I should be thankful I've got a 164 00:08:49,510 --> 00:08:54,190 normal name. My name's be thankful too, sir. And I'm glad I've got a normal name 165 00:08:54,190 --> 00:08:54,849 as well. 166 00:08:54,850 --> 00:08:58,530 Let's just get to the end of the list, shall we? We're willing and able, sir. 167 00:08:58,910 --> 00:09:02,330 Excellent. No, I'm willing and he's able. Right. 168 00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:05,870 Well, the sooner we get through this, the sooner we can have you wrestling 169 00:09:05,870 --> 00:09:08,510 the enemy. Here. Your name is the enemy. 170 00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:09,930 Don't be ridiculous. 171 00:09:10,990 --> 00:09:12,350 It's wrestling with. 172 00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,660 Soldiers, do not speak unless you hear your name. 173 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:18,660 Let's try and get through this. 174 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:20,520 Okay. 175 00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,420 Diewell Sykes. Here, sir. 176 00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:23,939 Sudden death. 177 00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:26,200 Here. Fortunate name for a soldier, that. 178 00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:28,080 Jolly death. Here, sir. 179 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:33,380 That's not much better. Your names are all Batty. No, only my name is Batty, 180 00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:35,940 sir. Well, I must admit, this isn't the welcome I was expecting. 181 00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:39,560 And no, you're not the welcome I was expecting either. 182 00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:42,720 Right, do what you're told, and you may survive this war. 183 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,380 My name is Victory! 184 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,300 It really is. That's my name. 185 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,780 The Civil War is sure brought Cromwell firmly to the fore. 186 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:56,660 In 1644, at Marston Moor, Forster withdrew. 187 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:01,940 He won at Naseby. All said, praise be, Cromwell fights like barmy. He's just 188 00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:04,880 model we require for our new model army. 189 00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:08,380 Energy. Did you see? 190 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,620 In a time for heroes. 191 00:10:12,550 --> 00:10:19,250 In a time when brother fought brother, in a time of chaos and bloodshed, came a 192 00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:20,250 hero. 193 00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:26,630 A soldier who would create a new model army and lead the parliamentarian forces 194 00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:32,470 to victory at Marston Moor and Naseby and ultimately win the Civil War. He was 195 00:10:32,470 --> 00:10:33,770 Oliver Cromwell. 196 00:10:34,010 --> 00:10:38,890 Hello. Hang on. Sorry, this is the story of me, Sir Thomas Fairfax. 197 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,480 I was the one that did all those things, not him. No, I'm pretty sure Oliver 198 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:43,840 Cromwell won the Civil War. 199 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,680 I certainly did a lot of the work. 200 00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:46,779 Hang on. 201 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,260 He was just my deputy. 202 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,760 I was in charge of the army. Honestly, why does yours get publicity? 203 00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:54,260 If anyone won the Civil War, I did. 204 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:02,420 Idiot. Full Metal Helmet. The story of Sir Thomas Fairfax. The hero of the 205 00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:03,420 English Civil War. 206 00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:04,660 Thank you. 207 00:11:05,310 --> 00:11:08,390 I like it. The man who won a war and killed a king. 208 00:11:08,590 --> 00:11:09,590 Hang on. No. 209 00:11:09,630 --> 00:11:11,710 That was Cromwell. I had no part in that. 210 00:11:11,990 --> 00:11:16,130 Yeah, that was me. The man who ruled a nation as Lord Protector. 211 00:11:16,350 --> 00:11:17,990 I think that was me too. 212 00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:23,490 Look. After the war, he took over, executed the king, became Lord 213 00:11:27,930 --> 00:11:30,870 But I was the only... See, I saw you that time. 214 00:11:32,310 --> 00:11:34,010 But I was the only leader... 215 00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:35,910 Who won the war, okay? 216 00:11:36,350 --> 00:11:39,890 I just didn't do anything after that. Actually, that's not true. Later on, 217 00:11:39,890 --> 00:11:41,350 out of retirement, helped restore the monarchy. 218 00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:44,750 Sir Thomas Fairbanks in full metal helmet. 219 00:11:45,130 --> 00:11:48,330 He won a war and couldn't be bothered to do anything else. 220 00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:51,730 Then he came back and helped the people he defeated get back into power. 221 00:11:54,010 --> 00:11:55,710 Yeah, to be fair, that's pretty much it. 222 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,900 The Civil War turned the country upside down. 223 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:06,480 Battles were fought all over the place, and unfortunately, 17th century doctors 224 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,360 couldn't always help the wounded. And they had some pretty strange ideas about 225 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,380 what was bad for you. 226 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,420 Water, beware! 227 00:12:14,780 --> 00:12:16,100 You, sir, stop! 228 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,760 You're in mortal danger! 229 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,360 Not behind you, down there! 230 00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:22,260 A bit left. 231 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,040 A bit more. 232 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:26,360 Yes, there. 233 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:28,640 Water, beware. 234 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,180 Cutting -edge research by leading doctors has proven water affects humans 235 00:12:33,180 --> 00:12:34,180 ghastly ways. 236 00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:37,760 One, it fills the head with vapors, making you dangerously dizzy. 237 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,960 Two, water loosens muscles, so you can't control your limbs. 238 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:48,760 Wibbly wobbly. 239 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:53,440 Three, water unclogs the pores of your skin. 240 00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:57,650 So foul plague odours can get into your body. 241 00:12:59,150 --> 00:13:02,150 So follow these suggestions to protect you and your family. 242 00:13:02,410 --> 00:13:05,750 Don't drink water. Only safe drinks, like beer. 243 00:13:06,510 --> 00:13:07,770 Never wash. 244 00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:09,930 Just change your shirt every day instead. 245 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:17,610 So next time you or your loved ones fancy a drink or a wash, remember, love 246 00:13:17,610 --> 00:13:19,770 dirt, change your shirt, and no one gets hurt. 247 00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:22,470 Because water equals death. 248 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,700 Warning, only silly doctors believe this. The rest of you just carry on as 249 00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:29,100 normal. I always knew being a dirty rat was a good thing. 250 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:36,200 The Civil War dragged on for years, but eventually Cromwell's army defeated the 251 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,200 King's Cavaliers. 252 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,920 Ollie put the King on trial for high treason against England. 253 00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:43,740 Charlie was found guilty and executed. 254 00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:50,580 Cromwell took control of Parliament and the country, but with great power comes 255 00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,320 great... Piles of problems. 256 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,660 Careful what you wish for, Cromwell. 257 00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:56,900 The king refused to abdicate. 258 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,560 He was found guilty of being a tyrant, a traitor and a murderer. 259 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,780 He left us no choice but to chop off his head. 260 00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:07,280 It was a cruel necessity. 261 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,160 It was a cruel necessity. 262 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:16,280 Something of a mess, but he's a right charlie, too proud a king to work with 263 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,280 bitch and peas. 264 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:23,430 Parliament he did abandon, doesn't have a leg to stand on. The cruel necessity 265 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:29,910 of God's will came to me. It came to you. It came to me. 266 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:34,670 We'd scrap the long parliament, leaving us with a rump. 267 00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:39,270 Four supporters would help me, but they got the hump. 268 00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:44,430 I tried to delegate the craft of state. Instead, all landed on my plate. 269 00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:49,950 Had to go and fight in Dublin, leaving Dolce in charge of Dublin. I ditched the 270 00:14:49,950 --> 00:14:54,330 king, but those MPs were worse than he. Not so easy, eh? 271 00:14:54,570 --> 00:14:56,750 But still a cruel necessity. 272 00:14:57,270 --> 00:15:03,730 So many had said to me, Charlie's off his trolley. Ollie, boil his head for 273 00:15:04,590 --> 00:15:08,750 But despite decapitation, they dispute my legislation. 274 00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:15,590 Those dark ministers will be the death of me. You'll come to me. Shut up 275 00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:22,350 already. Now, I'm not king of these whingers who make me look a chump. I 276 00:15:22,350 --> 00:15:24,070 them so because they go. 277 00:15:24,330 --> 00:15:28,370 And I've done this from my new nominated parliament. 278 00:15:28,770 --> 00:15:30,390 Much greater pedigree. 279 00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:36,550 They're excellent chaps, clever too, and all God chose by me. Oh, whoop -de 280 00:15:36,550 --> 00:15:38,690 -doo, they're going to be like me. 281 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,640 Vote like me. Do what I ask them to do. 282 00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:45,400 I disagree. 283 00:15:46,180 --> 00:15:47,159 Who are you? 284 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,560 Praise God, bare bones. 285 00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:53,120 Well, praise me. I don't like to moan. Your army cronies annoy me. 286 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,280 What's for it? Cruel necessity. 287 00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,760 Time to ditch this ministry. 288 00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,160 Even bare bones parliament. 289 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,980 Fight among themselves. 290 00:16:04,010 --> 00:16:09,250 What this failing public sector means now is a Lord Protector to nominate 291 00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:11,330 nobody's governing state. 292 00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,690 Ah, crew, you ungrateful crew. 293 00:16:13,910 --> 00:16:17,150 You make me spew. It's like a zoo. 294 00:16:17,550 --> 00:16:18,810 Well, we do. 295 00:16:20,490 --> 00:16:26,310 Looks like all that power had started to make Cromwell's head Crom -swell. 296 00:16:27,550 --> 00:16:33,030 He became Lord Protector. But he was nothing like King Charles. 297 00:16:33,630 --> 00:16:36,010 Except for being really stubborn, like King Charles. 298 00:16:36,390 --> 00:16:40,570 Never ever agreeing with Parliament and having it closed down, like King 299 00:16:40,570 --> 00:16:44,970 Charles. And using the army to rule the country, like King Charles. Do you hang 300 00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:47,030 on? He was a lot like King Charles. 301 00:16:47,530 --> 00:16:51,970 And people were so used to having a king or queen, no one really knew what to 302 00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:56,110 call Cromwell and his wife Elizabeth, or how to treat them. 303 00:16:56,970 --> 00:17:00,030 The king is gone, but Parliament is incapable of ruling. 304 00:17:00,810 --> 00:17:02,810 I take this title with a heavy heart. 305 00:17:03,010 --> 00:17:04,010 Yes, your majesty. 306 00:17:04,310 --> 00:17:06,050 Did you say majesty? Please don't call me that. 307 00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:08,349 Sorry, your majesty. I mean general. 308 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,310 Listen, I'm not going to become king myself. We discussed this. 309 00:17:11,589 --> 00:17:12,589 Absolutely. 310 00:17:13,369 --> 00:17:16,030 There's no point killing King Charles and replacing him with King Oliver. 311 00:17:16,329 --> 00:17:21,890 We fought a war over it. Absolutely. We all agree with you 100%. Your highness. 312 00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:23,450 That one's okay. 313 00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:25,710 It would be nice to be queen. 314 00:17:25,950 --> 00:17:26,749 It was. 315 00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:27,869 I'm sorry, your... 316 00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:29,600 Absolutely right, Oliver. 317 00:17:29,860 --> 00:17:32,440 You shall be Lord Protector and nothing else. 318 00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:36,400 As you say, Lady Protector. Oh, I like that. 319 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:37,840 So are we all agreed? 320 00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:41,280 Absolutely. You are definitely not becoming king. 321 00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:46,520 Now, we proceed with the ceremony. We need you to sit on the throne. The chair 322 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:50,640 of date. Not the throne. It's just a chair. 323 00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:51,900 It better be. 324 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,420 Did he dispel? I believe. 325 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,600 He was just checking his flyers, Your Majesty. 326 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,820 Hmm. These look a bit royal. 327 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:07,460 No, just a few things to make it official, Your Maj... Your Major Lord 328 00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:11,520 Protector. Well, I suppose we do need to keep up appearances. 329 00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:14,820 A few symbols of leadership won't hurt, just as long as there's no crowd. 330 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:17,819 of maintenance. 331 00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:18,779 No, not crown. 332 00:18:18,780 --> 00:18:22,200 It's completely different. Now, just so we're under no illusion here, I am not 333 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,560 agreeing to be king at all. I will not look like the king and I will not act 334 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:26,560 like the king. Is that understood? 335 00:18:26,860 --> 00:18:27,860 No, whatever. 336 00:18:28,420 --> 00:18:29,420 Noted. 337 00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:30,820 Sorry. Good. 338 00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:35,120 Now, if you could move our things into the Palace of Whitehall. Yeah, I want to 339 00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:36,160 start redecorating. 340 00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:38,700 Um, isn't that where the king used to live? 341 00:18:38,940 --> 00:18:40,180 Well, we've got to live somewhere. 342 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,300 Yes, Your Majesty. 343 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:43,880 Don't push it. 344 00:18:46,180 --> 00:18:50,660 Cromwell was a Puritan and their strict views meant that lots of things people 345 00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:52,360 enjoyed got banned. 346 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,080 Boring! 347 00:18:54,640 --> 00:19:00,900 OK. Hey, Cromwell's Britain, it's me, No Merit Vinyl. Yes, it's my real name and 348 00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:04,300 yes, my little brother is called Fear God. Puritan parents, right? 349 00:19:04,540 --> 00:19:06,440 Stop it, Fear God, I told you. 350 00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:11,600 Anyway, I'm back with my top five of what's hot right now in entertainment. 351 00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:13,840 OK, number five. 352 00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:16,020 Horse racing. 353 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:20,840 It's great, right? You can race or just hang out with your friends. Only you 354 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:26,100 can't because of Cromwell's bandit. He says royalists might be meeting at the 355 00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,100 event. 356 00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:30,600 Unbelievable. I mean, he even enjoys racing himself. 357 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,200 Okay, number four in my entertainment countdown. 358 00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:37,240 Stop. Don't follow me, fear god. You'll ruin the surprise. 359 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:41,580 The theatre. 360 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,040 Everyone loves a play, right? 361 00:19:44,460 --> 00:19:45,339 Not Oliver. 362 00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:47,100 He's closed out most of the theatre. 363 00:19:47,540 --> 00:19:50,720 He says, Royalists might be meeting there too. 364 00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:54,300 OK, number three. Now. 365 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,080 Fumble! Yay! 366 00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:59,600 Nay. 367 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,860 Apparently we should be thinking about heaven instead or something. 368 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:10,800 If you get caught playing on a Sunday, they'll whip you. With whips! OK, number 369 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:11,800 two. 370 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:14,130 Only guess what? 371 00:20:17,590 --> 00:20:23,430 So, that. No horse racing, no theatre, no football and no dancing. 372 00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:25,890 Oh well, there's always Christmas. 373 00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:30,750 That is my number one thing to do for entertainment in Cromwells, Britain. 374 00:20:30,950 --> 00:20:35,730 Only guess what? You can't do that either. The Christmas decorations, food 375 00:20:35,730 --> 00:20:36,730 games part anyway. 376 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,680 so great, probably going to stop it soon. 377 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:57,720 So, I'd better name my replacement for when I go. 378 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,200 But who did I choose to be the new Lord Protector? 379 00:21:01,820 --> 00:21:08,620 A, my son Richard, B, King Charles I's son, Charles II, or C, 380 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,240 whoever is the richest man in England? 381 00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:16,520 The answer is A. 382 00:21:17,070 --> 00:21:21,890 Even though I'm definitely, definitely not a king, I am appointing my son as 383 00:21:21,890 --> 00:21:23,290 heir, just like a king does. 384 00:21:23,930 --> 00:21:24,930 What? 385 00:21:25,370 --> 00:21:26,830 No, it's not the same thing. 386 00:21:27,730 --> 00:21:34,090 Oliver Cromwell died of pneumonia in 1658 when he was 59 years old. 387 00:21:34,270 --> 00:21:40,890 And after all that bother, just two years later, King Charles I's son took 388 00:21:40,890 --> 00:21:45,790 the country, restored the monarchy to power and was crowned King Charles II. 389 00:21:46,810 --> 00:21:48,110 What a turnaround. 390 00:21:48,490 --> 00:21:51,750 I wonder what Cromwell thinks about that. 391 00:21:55,050 --> 00:21:58,730 Chatty death, chatty death, my grisly interviews. 392 00:21:59,850 --> 00:22:03,650 Chatty death, chatty death, they're dead and famous too. 393 00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:08,770 So I said to the waiter, I'm dead famous, you know. Because I'm famous and 394 00:22:08,770 --> 00:22:09,770 dead. 395 00:22:11,750 --> 00:22:13,290 Don't hold corpse at once. 396 00:22:13,610 --> 00:22:14,950 Don't hold corpse. 397 00:22:15,190 --> 00:22:16,190 Oh, whatever. 398 00:22:17,020 --> 00:22:18,540 Welcome to... Too late now! 399 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,080 Shut your lids! 400 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:26,780 Welcome back to Chatty Death. Please put your hands together for our next guest, 401 00:22:27,020 --> 00:22:31,060 the former Lord Protector of England, Oliver Cromwell! 402 00:22:34,580 --> 00:22:35,580 So, Ollie! 403 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:36,720 Ollie, Ollie, Ollie, Ollie, Ollie! 404 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,380 Can I call you Ollie? Cool, cool, Ollie it is. 405 00:22:39,700 --> 00:22:40,940 Thanks for coming on the show. 406 00:22:41,220 --> 00:22:45,160 Didn't really have any choice, so... Anyway, after you died, your body wasn't 407 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:49,060 looked after properly, so it had to be buried in secret because you smelled so 408 00:22:49,060 --> 00:22:50,060 bad. 409 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:52,360 What's that? 410 00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:54,940 Oliver what? Oliver Strong smell? 411 00:22:55,260 --> 00:22:57,620 Very good! He's good, this kid! 412 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:00,920 So tell me, Ollie... 413 00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:02,660 How would you like to be remembered? 414 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,640 Well, I suppose as someone who did what needed to be done, I'll admit I did some 415 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:10,560 pretty horrible things along the way, but it was a small price to pay to make 416 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,400 sure that the monarchy would never again rule this country. 417 00:23:13,900 --> 00:23:14,900 Hmm. 418 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,600 Do you want to tell him or shall I? You tell him. It's a bit embarrassing. All 419 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:20,600 right, I'll tell him. 420 00:23:20,860 --> 00:23:21,719 Tell me what? 421 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:26,780 Oh, it's just a little thing about Charles I's son coming back, being 422 00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:30,700 King Charles II, murdering virtually everyone who signed his dad's death 423 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:32,700 and having your corpse dug up and beheaded. 424 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,560 What else is there? Oh, yeah, and the monarchy still ruling in Britain today. 425 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,160 Hardly worth mentioning, really, yeah. 426 00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:41,220 Any famous last words? 427 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:43,880 Anyway, 428 00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:47,560 that was Oliver Cromwell, everyone. 429 00:23:49,020 --> 00:23:50,020 Sorry, what's that? 430 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:52,360 Oliver Pongwell! 431 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:53,399 Not as good, mate. 432 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,120 Oliver Pongwell is not as good. 433 00:24:18,060 --> 00:24:19,720 Horrible history. 35875

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