All language subtitles for horrible_histories_s06e09_bolshy_boudica

And your host, the drumming rat, the
party's no longer a mystery.

Welcome to...

Horrible Histories.

Horrible Histories presents... Bolshie
Boudicca.

This tale's about a British queen took
on the might of Rome.

We call the woman Boudica.

Her real name isn't known. The word
Bouda means victory.

Her nickname means the champ.

She earned the name in Essex for
destroying a Roman camp.

She ruled the tribe, the Iceni, whose
people were the Celts.

Their hair was long, their girls were
strong, East England's where they dwelt.

Time to meet young Boudicca and so begin
our story.

Of cutthroat Celts and rotten Romans
bound to end up gaudy.

Boudicca was queen of the Iceni tribe
from East Anglia. And during the time of

her rule in 60 AD, large bits of Britain
were under the control of the Roman

Empire. Now Boudicca might have become
an enemy of the Romans.

She wasn't always like that. In fact,
when she was younger...

She was really a bit of a fan.

In this week's Ave magazine, she's a
fit, brick, it girl doing it like a

I'm Queen Bedeke of the Iceni tribe, and
I'm going to tell you why I think Rome

is so amazing.

I'll give you all my style secrets.

No, that's just not Roman enough.

I'll give an eye out of these dogs.

Sweet berry juice.

Don't worry, girls. I've not gone mad.

Rosy Roman cheeks are all the rage.

But Roman life isn't all jewels and rosy
cheeks.

No! No, matey, stop!

Ow!

Seriously, the plucking can really out
hurts.

But if I'm going to follow Roman
fashions... Ow!

It's all got to go.

And an Ave exclusive. The secret of
Boudicca's incredible wealth revealed.

But basically, I buy Roman stuff with
Roman money. Romans gave my husband,

Prezi Tagus, not to attack Romans.

When it comes to shopping, Romans wear
the hearties.

Leslie, can you get me some Berry Joes,
please?

Catch it now.

Boudicca might not have thought the
Romans were so cool if she knew they

also be cruel.

And over in Italy, one Roman was doing a
pretty good job of being the cruelest

and the craziest.

Emperor Caligula, another one of
history's craziest fools.

Oh, my gosh, there's a chicken in the
garage. The ancient world was a proper

scary place to live, though. The last
thing they needed was crazy fools who

faces. But that's exactly what they got!
Oh no!

This is Roman Emperor Caligula. When
Boudicca was young, he ran the most

powerful empire the world had ever seen.

But he liked nothing more than goofing
around and making people feel awkward.

And here he is, watching that play.

Crap!

Crap or I'll kill you!

Woo! I won't, I won't. I'm joking, I'm
kidding. No, I will kill you.

Oh, he's so mean, he makes me feel a bit
itchy.

It annoyed Caligula that the nobles
tried to suck up by claiming they

was like a god or something.

Idiot. So he thought he'd teach them a
lesson by pretending to be one. You see,

you've walked right into his big, hairy
trap.

I am Venus.

Why are you not driven mad? Roman custom
states that mortal minds would go

totally crazy if they met a real god.

So what are these fools going to do?

Are you saying I'm not a god?

Think fast, fools. He will totally kill
you.

It's a prank, dudes.

I'm totally joking with you.

Do you not like your emperor's joke?

Laugh harder!

Or I'll kill you!

I'm kidding!

I'm kidding!

I'm totally kidding!

I'm not. I will actually kill you.

He's playing games, yeah. He's like
messing with your head.

And he's messing with mine. I can hardly
see.

No wonder Caligula became the first
Roman emperor to be assassinated.

Until next time, stay away from
stupid... Is it here? Is my car here?

I need to go to Covent Garden.

Back in England, Boudicca and her
husband, Prosutagus, had that deal with

Romans. We won't attack you if you won't
attack us. And we'll even pay you not

to. Oh, that's nice.

So when Prazutagus died, Boudica was
sure mighty Rome would look after her.

Oops, her bad.

The death of my husband, King
Prazutagus, has been deeply felt.

But at least we know he's left enough
cash to look after us and the Ithene

for years to come.

Yes, actually, about the will... Oh,
shabby chic.

Should be worth a fuse if dirty.

Excuse me, do you mind? Not at all,
carry on.

Some of this stuff is just ghastly.

Hi. Sorry.

Who are you?

Decianus Catus, the Roman representative
in this region.

Oh, yes, I could tell you were Roman.
Oh, I love everything Roman. The thing

I'm sort of in the middle of reading my
husband's will at the moment. Maybe you

could come back later? Oh, no, I'm here
for the will too, yeah. So carry on,

hombre.

Yes, I'm afraid your husband, King
Prasutagus, has...

Left everything to the Romans.

Oops, just smashed another one of my
pots.

This can't be right.

My husband's going to leave everything
to our daughters?

Yeah, we heard about that and all
decided, nah.

You can't do this.

Actually, they can.

That's the deal with all our client
kings, love.

Honestly, what is it with Celts not
reading the small print?

Well, they can't read.

So we're going to take all the treasure
with us today, if that's OK.

And if it's not OK, that's OK, too. This
is all wrong.

Rome is meant to be fair and cultured
and civilised. You can't take

What about my daughters?

Good point. We'll take them, too.

Hang on a minute.

We'll be in touch about the rest.

And, oh, I'm sorry for your loss, et
cetera, et cetera.

On the bright side, Rome has got all
your stuff.

Including your daughters. And you like
Rome.

I hate Rome!

A bit fickle.

I will destroy them!

Oi!

Ho, ho, ho, ho! You throw like a dude!

I love being a coward.

So, left with nothing.

Boudicca turned against her cruel Roman
masters.

But she wasn't the only Briton feeling
fed up. Lots of her fellow Celts didn't

get on with their new Roman neighbours
either.

Are they?

Rhondda, it's more flipping Romans.

All right.

I'm Rhonda. This is Colin.

I'm Caius. This is my wife, Flavia.
We've just moved in next door.

Get out of it!

Continental. The guidebook said that
kissing on the nipples was a traditional

greeting for you cows.

That's only if you're royalty like what
Boudicca is.

Oh.

Awkward. So, anyway, we were hoping to
talk about your garden.

Who's Gordon?

The garden. The outside bit, round the
back of the heart. Gordon must be

for toilet.

I'll get you a drink.

Come on. Don't mind the smell.

Lovely.

Dead people.

That explains the smell.

Well, part of it. Yeah, they're all
family.

Are you not going to bury them?

No, we like to leave them here for the
birds to pick away their skin and organ.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, how we kelp say goodbye.

Less of a wrench.

And it's lovely to be able to stand by
your kitchen window and watch the blue

tits nibble on a bit of spleen.

Yeah, the thing is, we want to put a
mosaic in our garden just over there.

Mel, here we go. Colin.

This used to be a Celtic area.

Yeah, you said you wouldn't lose your
temper.

Then you lot move in, and suddenly
everyone's building mosaics and having

which is disgusting, by the way.

No, what brings you here?

Well, I came over here when we invaded
Britain in 43.

I thought I recognised you. Your legion
killed our mates.

Yes, that's right.

And now that I'm in the army's up,
they've given us some of your land as a

reward.

Well, but we should put it behind us and
be friends.

Clear off. No reason why we can't.
Mosaic off out of our garden and take

tiny tiles with you. Clear off out of
here.

Yeah.

Well done, Colin. You really kept a lid
on your anger, didn't you?

Sorry, I forgot to say, I'm actually
doing a spot of tax collection. Tax? Go

get out of it. Get out. Shoot.

Get away.

Leave it in peace. Just for the record,
I've not lost my temper, so...

They were nice, weren't they?

With the Romans stealing the Celts'
lands and forcing everyone to pay taxes,

they weren't exactly everyone's
favourite invaders.

So when Boudicca said, anyone fancy
joining my army and bashing loads of

It's no wonder plenty of Celts said, not
half.

Roman Britain was about to get bashed up
Boudicca style.

You know, here in Roman times, it's
normally all columns and forums and

But today, I've come to meet a young
woman with a project that's a little out

the ordinary.

She's called Boudica, and she has an
historical grand design for the

Roman city of Colchester.

Boudica, Colchester has only just been
built, but you're planning to make

changes already.

Yes, Kevin.

What we're looking to do is...

Basically, knock through.

And?

Well, no, that's it.

We're going to just knock through
everything, and then we're going to set

to it!

I imagine a project like this might
raise a few eyebrows with the actual

residents of the city.

Have any locals complained?

Yes, it's a controversial project, but
we've managed to cut through a lot of

paint and limbs.

and rain, and so on.

The big question?

Budget.

How much is this massive job going to
cost?

Oh, it's not going to cost anything at
all.

Come on!

I am pumped!

Boudicca has an innovative finance plan,
stealing the Roman residents' property

and selling the Romans themselves into
slavery.

In fact, she's so full of confidence and
bitter revenge, she's already planning

two similar projects in London and St.
Albans. And if they go well, who knows

where it might end.

You know, I was sceptical when I first
heard about this project.

But true to her word, Boudicca has
destroyed the entire town in just a few

And her design for Colchester certainly
works seamlessly with the local

countryside. Because that's all that
will be left.

Just countryside.

You know...

There's not many people that will see
what Boudicca did here who won't think

she's poured off something rather
special.

Apart from, of course, the Romans, but
you don't exactly hear them complaining.

Goodbye.

Fine wine designer, Roman goods I owned
a fancy

stash

But when my husband died, the Romans
cried, let's take his cash.

Like a baby, I had a little cry at this
terrible stage.

But before too long, I had turned this
song into a violent rage.

Colchester, T .O.

Rather than end up dead, Romans turned
and fled from our uprising.

Their soldiers took flight, cowards
found our fight unappetizing.

to everyone.

Ludica here, and I've got a quiz
question for you.

We Celts love sacrificing animals to God
and eating them for our dinner. But

which animal is sacred to my tribe, the
Iceni? Is it A, bats, B,

sheep, or C, horses?

The answer is C, horses.

We'll happily murder Romans or sacrifice
other Celts. But I think he wouldn't

dare harm a lucky horse owner.

We'd much rather have pictures of them
engraved on our jewellery for good luck.

Of course, if a Roman was on a horse and
the horse got in the way of my sword...

Ouch.

Accidents do happen.

Meanwhile, over in Rome, there was a new
emperor in charge called Nero.

And he soon heard about Boudicca's
rebellion in Britain.

Although at first, he wasn't really that
bothered.

Oh, that's too much.

And upload to BooTube?

Oh, no hit.

Right.

OK. To all the citizens of Rome, you are
hereby commanded to like my

live playing or else be horribly
executed.

Happy face, Nero.

Decianus Catus. What does he want?

Hail Nero.

Hail me.

What's up, Brohim? Queen Boudicca has
unfriended you.

But she loved Rome.

All we did was nickel her money, wreck
her house, flog her and torture her

daughters. Suddenly, she's marching on
Colchester and slaughtering everyone.

Holy Venus!

She's heading to London. Don't worry.

I'm miles away.

I legged it to gall.

Can I also get some nibbles?

Olives, no pips. Go away.

Hail Nero.

Yeah, hail me.

Listen, Burka's heading to London and
she's like totes enraged. I know. I'm on

my way to fight her. Just as soon as
this foot rub is finished.

Harder. Watch the corn.

So you can...

You can save London, yeah? London and St
Albans have had it, but after she's

crushed those cities, she's in a lot of
trouble. This could be the battle that

makes me famous.

Oh, this is too much like hard work. I
never liked the place anyway. I'm

the army out of Britain.

Hmm.

Two Boudicca at the Ithene tribe. You
can keep your poxy island. I don't...

Hello.

Someone's left a comment on my Lyhero
page.

Low, low, low, low, low, low, low.

Ludica here. You know, I'm the one
trying to kick the Romans out of

You're playing?

What rubbish.

OMG, this is you.

My name's Nero. I'm a liar hero.

I wish I had talent, but I've got zero.

Honestly, the Romans deserve to be
slaves ruled by a Roman woman like you.

How do you like them apples?

No one trolls my art and gets away with
it. She is history. I will like Oban

like... A full can of whoop -bottom on
her.

Let battle commence, Suetonius!
Suetonius!

Just updating my battle status to
currently at war with Boudicca. Yeah,

should hope so. So, great, thanks.

More hot now.

So Boudicca's army prepared to fight the
Roman legions, and our Celtic druid

doctors got ready to help the wounded,
although I'm not sure they were much

Ah, Mrs Carver, isn't it?

Yes. Is Dr Hannity not available?

He's been called away to a very
important golf match.

I'm Dr Kujichok, a druid from the time
of Queen Boudicca. What an unusual name.

How's that spelt? I've no idea.

Now... Milo?

It's written in your book. No, it isn't.

What seems to be the problem?

I've got a bad cough.

There are a few ways we can treat your
cough.

Cough medicine?

No, we don't deal in magic here.

Ingest this roast mouse?

No, that's not going to happen. Mum,
he's trying to put a mouse in my mouth!

Squeamish? Well, let's try transference
medicine.

Oh, that sounds better.

It's a very popular treatment where we
transfer the strength of an animal into

you. How would you like to be as strong
as an ox?

An ox?

Yeah, I suppose.

Just climb into this bath of ox blood,
meat and bone marrow and lie in it for

three days and nights while I perform a
ritual dance.

Then you'll be as strong as brave
Boudicca.

How can we go?

Actually, that's a good idea.

Some people are so narrow -minded.

Now, you might think that bathing in
animal blood is very extreme.

Oh, yeah, it is.

It's a big wound and you need a big
cure. But for a smaller cut, what animal

medicine? is sure to heal you up nice
and fast.

Is it A, a lick from a dog's tongue, B,
rubbing on goat's wee, or C, a

plaster made of cow poo?

The answer is A, a lick from a dog's
tongue.

We Celts believe a dog's lick will help
a wound to heal. So that said, if your

wound is a bite from a vicious dog,
it's... Probably better just to leave

dog alone and not ask it to lick you.
Otherwise he'll end up with loads more

wounds and very little licking.

Oi! The queen had got her daughters back
and made for Watling Street. With 20

times the Roman men, she surely can't be
beat. But General Suetonius was set to

intervene. His army well prepared.

Not even God could save our queen.

Hello, I'm Geoff Reason and welcome to
Battles of the Day. A small disciplined

force is about to take on a massive
screaming lunatic.

Friday night in Portsmouth? No, we are
live from ancient Britain for the Battle

of Watling Street. It's Boudicca's
Celtic rebels versus the Romans of Gaius

Suetonius or Linus.

Here to provide a perfect blend of
expert analysis and gruesome details,

Jamie Castle.

Now, we're somewhere between London and
Birmingham. Nobody's sure exactly, but

Watling Street, it's quite an arena.

That's right, Geoff. It's a huge gorge.

The Romans have set themselves up here,
with the forest behind them creating a

natural U -shape.

Boudicca's army have closed it up here
with a wagon semicircle.

Nobody's getting out of here in a hurry.
I think there's going to be a few dead

bodies today, Geoff.

That is the idea.

But does that worry the Celts? Chris,
stay calmer. Not at all, Geoff. They're

a party mood.

They've even brought their families
along to watch Boudicca battle from

wagons at the rear.

Women, children, dogs.

It's completely mad.

But there's a great atmosphere.

We're going to have a quick word with a
Celtic mum here.

Tell me, what can you expect from today?

Well, you know, Chris, a bite to eat,
watching the Romans get hacked to bloody

pieces by our girl Boudicca. Dude!

A nice family day, eh?

Come on!

Give me a C!

C! Give me an E!

E! Give me an L!

L! Give me a C!

C! Give me an S!

S! What does it spell?

We don't know. Kelch can't read or
write.

Which is a shame.

Boudica! Boudica, excuse me.

You seem very confident today.

Huh?

And that Roman shield wall is brimming
with javelins. And, of course,

army have got nowhere to run to. They're
trapped in the gorge by their own

wagon. That must be pretty galling. No,
the Gauls are in France, Geoff.

It's Chris Steak Armour!

Celts are all over the place.

Bits of them are everywhere.

The Romans are killing everything in
sight. Women, children, even the dogs,

Geoff.

Boudicca, Boudicca, can you come back
from this?

Eh!

We lost the battle, and I'm going to
poison myself.

So, no, not really.

Here comes General Suetonius now.
General, General, can we have a couple

words, please? Sure, I have two.

Kill him. What?

No, no, no, no, no.

But that is completely out of order.

I know. I can't believe they killed the
dogs, Jeff.

So... With her army defeated, Boudicca
killed herself rather than become a

prisoner. But Boudicca's brave rebellion
nearly 2 ,000 years ago has become a

proud symbol of the fight for freedom.

That's one impressive lady.

Chatty death, chatty death, my grisly
interviews.

Chatty death, chatty death, the dead and
famous too.

What?

can't you be this funny when the cameras
are rolling? Honestly, isn't he funny?

Very dry sense of humour. Dry the bone.

Dry the bone.

Give me the skeleton.

So much for the warm -up.

Time for my next guest.

Please put your hands together, or your
stumps, or whatever you've got left, and

give a huge, massive, crazy welcome to
former Celtic leader, Brudica!

Or don't. You know, no sense of showbiz.

So, Boudicca, the wheels finally fell
off your chariot, eh?

Yes, but it was, of course, worth dying
for, driving the Romans out of Britain.

Well, they did stay for another 350
years after you died, so I wouldn't get

cocky, love. I did not come here to be
insulted.

I thought that's exactly why you came
here.

Quick quiz question.

What do dentists tell their patients to
say?

Correct.

Boudicca there. Or as I like to call
her, Brittany Spears.

Because Brittany Spears.

I told you that wouldn't get a laugh.

What do you mean I didn't say it right?

You say it then.

Everyone's a critic, aren't they?

Chatty death, chatty death. Hope next
time it's not you.

Tall tale. We gave you all the bits and
facts. We count you all a juicy

bit. Jory, Darthly, mean and cruel.

Stuff they don't teach you at all. The
past is no longer a mystery.

Hope you enjoy Horrible History.