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Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians,
fighting freshmen, far victorious,
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00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:12,370
wars, ferocious fights, dingy cardinals,
daring knights, horrors that divide,
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00:00:12,530 --> 00:00:15,690
description, cutthroat, helpful, royal
Egyptian, magic, sex, and cool, crime,
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00:00:15,730 --> 00:00:18,750
partners, and from ancient times, Roman,
rotten, ragged, and ruthless, Norman,
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00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:21,890
savage, fierce, and two for the civil
wars, brainy, shady, mean, and missing
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00:00:21,890 --> 00:00:28,350
middle ages. Gory stories, we do that,
and your host, a drumming rat, the past
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is no longer the mystery, welcome to...
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Horrible History
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Horrible History presents
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Horrid Henry the Ape.
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00:00:44,970 --> 00:00:49,630
I think we all know King Henry the Ape
and his whole life.
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The wars, the food, the type of death.
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00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:53,920
Of each and every wife.
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00:00:54,380 --> 00:00:59,700
Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jean
Seymour, Anne of Cleves. Cuth's hound
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pa leaves two killed too.
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And only once he grieves.
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He argued with the church as well. You
can't argue with that.
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Killed deer for sport in Hampton Court.
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We're quite sure he was fat.
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But what about his sporting skills?
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He fought with struck and pow!
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There's so much more to Henry you're
about to find out now.
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Ah! Get up.
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You must have planned that.
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From the kingdom that brought you Henry.
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Henry II, Henry III, Henry IV. You get
the idea.
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Henry VII and VIII in Dull Dad, the Bore
of the Roses.
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Sir Henry, it's time you learnt business
of kingship.
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Oh, boring.
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The story of a daredevil prince.
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There's one or two golden rules to
successful kingship. Number one, war.
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War? Avoid it.
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But it's the only fun bit.
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It costs too much.
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Who cares how much it costs?
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You get your own army.
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Desperate to go warring. But his dad's
desperately...
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Um, boring.
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Can't we get back to talking about my
own army? No.
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You don't think it's easy ending a long
dynastic war and ruling a country, do
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you? It must be easier than sitting here
listening to you talk about it.
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A boy who would be king despite his
dreary dad.
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Since your brother Arthur's death,
you're next in line to be king. You need
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shape up a little. You must learn the
family business. The family business.
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So, you need to raise lots of tax.
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Tax? That entails a certain amount of
administration.
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Administration. I literally just went to
boredom hell, and it was exactly the
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same as my life.
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Can the prince break free to follow his
dreams?
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What you want to do is make peace.
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I've spent my lifetime making this
country run effectively and within its
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People respect me and crush the
aristocracy.
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The country is financially stable and we
have peace.
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Oh, Henry.
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Duh, dad.
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Darling Henry VIII, find out what
happens next, now.
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So, after his dad kicked the bucket,
Henry VIII became king when he was just
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years old.
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At the start of his reign, Henry was
known for being handsome, dashing and a
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brilliant sportsman. A bit like me.
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What?
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Welcome to HH Stephen's Board.
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Here are the results so far.
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The fencing has been won by King Henry
VIII.
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00:03:52,070 --> 00:03:54,270
Jousting was won by Henry VIII.
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00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,860
The archery has been won by King Henry
VIII.
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The tennis was won by King Henry VIII.
Probably playing himself.
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00:04:02,540 --> 00:04:06,280
And the making cobblestones with a steel
hammer, it's King Henry VIII.
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What a king.
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00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,720
But the big question is, can he repeat
his victory in the wrestling?
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00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:18,820
And you join us here. Henry, our
monarch, is really mangling this
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Full power slam.
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And his opponent is not even a wrestler.
That guy is just a spectator who said
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Henry was only winning because people
let him.
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Thing again, sunshine.
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00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:34,380
Regal wrestling brilliance, your
majesty.
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The king is a fantastic athlete and is
about to compete in today's biggest
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sporting event, the wood sawing. But
first up, here's what he had to say when
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caught up with him earlier today.
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Confident? Well, there are no easy
matches in competitive wood sawing. But
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I am confident.
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About everything.
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Oh, any game plan for the match ahead?
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Well, my plan was to saw the wood in
half.
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00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:04,530
Stop me if I'm getting too technical.
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00:05:05,580 --> 00:05:07,300
What have you done to train for this
event?
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Tell me.
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I've mostly just been sawing things in
half.
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Now, do you know what this is?
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That's my saw bottom.
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That's a competitive woodcutter's joke.
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Well, you can't be good at everything,
can you?
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Contenders, ready!
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Make a plank!
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And his way. Forward, back, forward,
back, forward, back. And King Henry
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another leap. Just look at that
magnificent technique. Like he was born
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rudimentary wood -cutting device in his
hand. Forward, back, forward, back,
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forward, back. He's going through that
piece of wood like it was, um, well, a
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piece of wood. Only really fast. Oh, and
there it is, the crowning glory.
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00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,000
Let's see that again.
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Forget Henry VIII.
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You've just witnessed Henry the Fast.
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Magnificent. Yep.
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00:06:01,180 --> 00:06:02,180
Still boring.
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00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:03,680
I'm the best at everything.
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00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:06,800
I think it's his humility that makes him
so popular.
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00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:08,560
Right.
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You.
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Wrestling. Now.
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That really will be a sore button.
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I was something of an athlete in my
youth. In fact, you might even consider
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the first modern sportsman.
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Do you know which piece of kit I was the
first person to own?
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A. A pair of football boots.
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B. A pair of cycling shorts.
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Or C. A pair of slamming trainers.
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The answer is A.
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Yes, I was the first person to own a
pair of football boots.
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The footballs themselves were made out
of pig's bladder, like a sausage.
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00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:01,650
That's a bit...
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Not the G.
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In paintings, Henry looks quite large, a
big bear of a man.
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But the young king, unlike later, was
handsome, strong and grand.
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His dad had warned no war with France,
he fought them anyway.
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Come on, how many kids do you know who
do what their dad say?
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I did. I'm not surprised.
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Yes, it's true.
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Henry went off fighting the French and
won some great victories. But sometimes
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his first wife, Catherine of Aragon, was
even more successful in battle.
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Not that Henry was jealous of Catherine
at all.
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A feast!
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A feast!
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Let us celebrate my great victory
against the French at the Battle of the
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I don't know if I'd call it a great
victory, Majesty.
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I mean, there weren't that many of them,
and they ran away pretty much
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immediately. It was a great victory!
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Like King Arthur, I have conquered all
before me in battle.
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Henry, you're back!
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I've won a great victory, Catherine.
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I heard. Aren't you the big hero?
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Absolutely. Good.
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So, promise you won't get annoyed?
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Certainly not! Nothing can dampen my
mood.
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I've won a great victory!
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I am sure you have. And I want you to
focus.
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Or not.
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Why? Well, while you were away, we had a
bit of trouble. It was
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nothing. What trouble?
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Who is? Oh, just a... Gotland.
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Gotland? A mortal enemy? Why, I shall
crush them and their treacherous king.
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Come to war!
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And there's no need.
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Actually, we cannot already be there.
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You did what?
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I don't know why everyone is calling it
a battle.
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They're calling it a battle? Oh, si, si.
They call it the Battle of
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Floddenfield. Oh, good title.
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Or something.
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But your battle sounds much more
interesting.
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00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:12,600
It's kind of funny when you think about
it, Your Majesty. I mean, while you were
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in France, desperately trying to make a
name for yourself in battle, your wife
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won a stunning victory, secured our
borders, and killed our worst enemy.
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Which, when you think about it a bit
more, actually turns out not to be funny
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all.
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Our battle was a very serious battle.
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The enemy numbered some 7 ,000 men.
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How exciting.
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Yes.
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How many enemy Scots were there in your
battle?
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Oh, well, it's not really about numbers.
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But how many?
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30 ,000.
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Wow. So that's four times as many as you
thought. Yes, I can do the mathematics.
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Thank you.
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Cheer up, Henry.
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Look, I have the Scottish king's
bloodstained torch.
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Forget it. You've ruined my whole battle
of success.
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I was so looking forward to coming back.
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I thought we could make it into bunting
to celebrate your big, much more
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important battle. I wouldn't call it a
battle.
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It was a battle.
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Okay? Whatever you say, Your Majesty.
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00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:36,160
Henry wasn't the only big personality
ruling at the time. Over in China,
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Chengdi was totally in charge and
totally out of control.
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You've guessed it. He's another one of
history's craziest fools.
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Henry the Haze.
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This fool was definitely crazy.
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He got up to plenty of stupid stuff.
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I said you could borrow it, mate, all
right? Not keep it.
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00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,360
But that don't mean we should go easy on
the dumb mugs who are around at the
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same time, all right? Look at this
rubber.
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This is Chinese Emperor Zhengdi. When he
was born in 1491, many wise people
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predicted he would become a great and
benevolent ruler.
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00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:19,880
You're wrong!
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00:11:20,620 --> 00:11:25,590
Zhengdi. So stupid, he ordered his men
to store all the gunpowder in the
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courtyard of his palace.
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00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:30,430
Yeah. In the middle of a lantern
festival!
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00:11:32,390 --> 00:11:33,390
Oh, no!
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00:11:35,470 --> 00:11:37,570
Crazy fire hazard, fool!
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00:11:37,950 --> 00:11:40,090
What is wrong with your mind and your
brain?
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00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:43,150
Unfortunately for everyone else, Genndy
survived.
202
00:11:43,810 --> 00:11:46,610
Here he is playing a game of hide -and
-seek in his palace.
203
00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:48,670
We've a live tiger!
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00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:51,790
What's going on? There's a tiger in... a
pallet.
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00:11:52,270 --> 00:11:56,250
Gengdi deliberately let wild cats loose
in his house so he could hunt them.
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00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:58,630
How's that working out for you, Gengdi?
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00:12:00,130 --> 00:12:02,890
Tigers one, fools zero.
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00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:04,350
Oh, no.
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00:12:04,830 --> 00:12:07,070
Sadly, Gengdi survived again.
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What's he made of, this guy?
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00:12:09,010 --> 00:12:10,790
Then he got drunk and fed off a boat.
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00:12:11,750 --> 00:12:14,150
Yep, you guessed it. He survived.
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00:12:14,870 --> 00:12:17,250
Then he got sick from the water and then
he died.
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00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:18,830
All is well that ends well.
215
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:23,460
but history has got plenty more crazy
fools like Zhang Bi. So, stay focused,
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00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,020
stay sharp, and stay away from stupid!
217
00:12:29,260 --> 00:12:31,760
That's great. Thank you. Thank you so
much, guys.
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00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:33,220
Oh, what a day.
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00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:38,800
Back in England, King Henry was
desperate for a son to succeed him and
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Catherine of Aragon for a divorce
because she couldn't have any more
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00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,540
But she refused.
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00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:47,500
So he turned to his chief minister,
Cardinal Wolsey, for help.
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Woolsey had become rich and famous by
doing whatever the king wanted, but he
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so powerful, people started to wonder if
he was too big for his boots.
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00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:03,880
Ladies and gentlemen, here to tell us
the secrets of my his -his success, it's
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me! Oh, bless you, thank you.
227
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:12,680
Please, please, settle down, settle
down. As you all know, I am Cardinal
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00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:17,060
Woolsey. But what you probably didn't
know... is that I was born the son of an
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Ipswich butcher.
230
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,720
But now I am King Henry VIII's most
trusted advisor.
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00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,860
But how did I do it? Easy.
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00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,580
20 years hard work and two simple rules.
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00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:29,800
Stick?
234
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:31,840
Give me my stick.
235
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,140
Two simple rules.
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00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:40,160
Rule number one, always agree with the
king.
237
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Okay? Really very crucial.
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00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:43,980
And rule number two...
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00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:50,520
Never disagree with the king. Thank you
very much. That's all for me. Thank you
240
00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:51,520
and good night.
241
00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:53,020
Hey,
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00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,180
what about agreeing with the king's
wife?
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00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,440
What? What?
244
00:13:56,980 --> 00:13:57,980
Look,
245
00:13:58,540 --> 00:14:02,020
I really am rather busy being a
cardinal, mate.
246
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:05,360
I can't be agreeing with the king and
Catherine of Aragon.
247
00:14:05,780 --> 00:14:08,460
I've just spent five years trying to
erase their divorce.
248
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:12,060
Right, I'm off to go and ignore some
women.
249
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:15,190
No. Goodbye, mate. Oi, Wally Woolsey.
250
00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:17,610
You're nicked in the name of the king.
Why?
251
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:19,150
Amber Lynn.
252
00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:22,450
She's sick of waiting for you to get
permission from the Pope to marry Henry.
253
00:14:22,870 --> 00:14:24,170
Even her lady's in waiting.
254
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:25,430
Sick of waiting.
255
00:14:26,090 --> 00:14:27,090
We'll have a rethink.
256
00:14:27,230 --> 00:14:30,770
We'll have a rethink. Oh, and the king's
moving into your palace in Hampton
257
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,870
Court. Come on. Haven't you heard about
rule number three?
258
00:14:34,170 --> 00:14:37,630
Don't build a palace bigger than the
king's. He's written it down.
259
00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:43,530
So in conclusion, follow these simple
rules and you too could end up like me.
260
00:14:43,810 --> 00:14:50,770
In my arm, in my arm. So Henry got rid
of Wolsey and replaced
261
00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:52,370
him with the cunning Thomas Cromwell.
262
00:14:52,830 --> 00:14:56,910
Cromwell made Henry the head of the
Church of England so Henry could divorce
263
00:14:56,910 --> 00:15:02,250
Catherine of Aragon and take the
church's land and money for himself in
264
00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:04,110
known as the English Reformation.
265
00:15:04,550 --> 00:15:06,570
The Tudor cheek of it.
266
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:11,940
Now Henry could marry his beloved Anne
Boleyn, get loads more power and a whole
267
00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:12,940
load more cash.
268
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,980
Take it away, your majesty.
269
00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:27,760
A little more reformational, a lot less
monetary.
270
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,360
Want to get my hands on all their money,
please?
271
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:37,600
A little less Pope, a lot more King. I
sure do hope to grab their bling. This
272
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:42,880
war with France is what'll satisfy me.
And that sure is pricey.
273
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,940
Passed the law till the Pope's been
banned.
274
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,800
Now I'm topped out in the Church of
England.
275
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:55,640
It's going swell. I ain't got the blues.
276
00:15:56,360 --> 00:16:01,300
Unless you count my jousting blues, got
rid of Anne, her head to lose. To get my
277
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:06,820
kicks at 36, I'm up to my old violin. If
the church is mine, so's their stuff.
278
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:11,260
They're about to find that I play rough.
A little more reformational, a lot less
279
00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:12,420
monotree.
280
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:16,540
Wanna get my hands on all their money,
please?
281
00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:21,520
A little more clean, a lot less numbs.
I'll sell their land to buy more guns.
282
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:27,060
Cause war with France is what'll satisfy
me. And that sure is pricey.
283
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:30,160
For the church this won't end well.
284
00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:34,340
I'm sending in my man Cromwell.
285
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:39,780
With suspicious minds and a pack of
lies.
286
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:44,700
He'll ignore their desperate cries and
take their land for my pride.
287
00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:49,280
Refusing me is kind of reasonable, but
I'm a guy who can be reasonable. I'll
288
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:53,660
offer pagans payment schemes, but crush
the monks who block my dreams. A little
289
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:56,640
more reformational, a lot less
monastries.
290
00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:00,720
Wanna get my hands on all their money,
please?
291
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:06,050
If those abbots don't change tack, I'll
send them to the jailhouse rat. They'd
292
00:17:06,050 --> 00:17:09,050
better ditch the Pope and recognize me.
293
00:17:09,250 --> 00:17:11,490
Yeah, recognize me.
294
00:17:12,010 --> 00:17:13,970
So chuck out the monk. The monk, the
monk.
295
00:17:14,470 --> 00:17:16,089
Chuck out the monk. The monk, the monk.
296
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:20,530
Some may quit if they can. The rest I'll
squash in my hand.
297
00:17:20,730 --> 00:17:25,349
Yes, that means they'll be slaughtered,
even hung, drawn, and cordoned. I need a
298
00:17:25,349 --> 00:17:27,710
little more reformation and I'll take
pharmacy.
299
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:32,290
Want to get my hands on all that money,
please?
300
00:17:33,070 --> 00:17:36,770
I'll flood the buildings, sell the gold,
close the lappies and books.
301
00:17:36,970 --> 00:17:42,690
Oh, there's nothing you can do to try
and stop me, because I'm King Henry.
302
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:47,810
Oh, Mama, a little more reformation,
please.
303
00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:53,590
Henry was desperate for Anne Boleyn to
have a son to take over as king when he
304
00:17:53,590 --> 00:17:57,070
died. So after just three years of
marriage, he gave her the chop.
305
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,880
because she could only give him a
daughter.
306
00:17:59,340 --> 00:18:05,400
Charming. Meanwhile, over in Turkey, the
mighty Ottoman Empire was on the rise,
307
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:10,700
led by the great Suleiman the
Magnificent, who was pretty magnificent,
308
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:16,360
he did have some strange ideas about
deciding who would take over from him.
309
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:23,660
Now then, my sons, what is the name of
the greatest empire in the world?
310
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:36,500
Indeed I am, and I have fought many
battles with many enemies, which is why
311
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:43,400
our empire stretches from North Africa
across Egypt into Persia and all
312
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:44,960
the way up into Hungary.
313
00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:47,300
Who's magnificent?
314
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,720
This guy!
315
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:57,020
And one day, after I die, one of you
will be sultan just
316
00:18:57,020 --> 00:18:58,020
like me.
317
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:01,720
Maybe you, maybe you, maybe you.
318
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:08,560
It all depends which one of you manages
to kill all the others first.
319
00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:13,220
And all your uncles and male cousins.
320
00:19:13,540 --> 00:19:19,480
Because the law says if you are the
Sultan, strangling your male relatives
321
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:24,540
not murder. It's a necessary slaughter
to ensure the stability of the empire.
322
00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:26,200
Family huggle?
323
00:19:29,670 --> 00:19:31,430
What? Something I said?
324
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:36,970
The problem with being number one is
that people are always trying to take my
325
00:19:36,970 --> 00:19:41,410
job. So, what do I do to prevent being
assassinated?
326
00:19:41,870 --> 00:19:47,270
Do I A. Have servants stamp my bed every
night to check for hidden assailants?
327
00:19:47,450 --> 00:19:50,870
B. Wear a suit of armour at all times?
328
00:19:51,070 --> 00:19:55,390
C. Eat my dinner alone in an empty
field?
329
00:19:56,910 --> 00:19:59,190
The answer is... A.
330
00:19:59,550 --> 00:20:04,390
I get my servants to stab the mattress
with their daggers to make sure no one's
331
00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:05,390
hiding underneath.
332
00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:10,030
They also sprinkle the sheets with holy
water to give me God's protection.
333
00:20:10,730 --> 00:20:14,430
Oh, and I also sleep with a couple of
weapons by my pillow.
334
00:20:15,730 --> 00:20:16,730
Hang on.
335
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,450
Why do you want to know about all this?
336
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,120
Who are you working for?
337
00:20:21,580 --> 00:20:27,620
Of all the wives he married, Henry most
loved James Seymour. She had her son for
338
00:20:27,620 --> 00:20:30,180
Henry, that was what a wife was for.
339
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:34,460
He loved her till the day she died for
Henry, not the norm.
340
00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:38,520
But next to where is Anna pleased, and
that's more true to form.
341
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,180
I don't like it.
342
00:20:42,340 --> 00:20:43,360
Nobody want that.
343
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:48,800
It's my big fat Tudor wedding. And this
week, big fat Tudor Henry is getting
344
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:53,240
married again after the death of his
third wife, Jane Seymour. If Chief
345
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:54,980
Thomas Cromwell can talk him into it.
346
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:58,380
Her name's Anne of Cleves. She's a nice
Protestant girl.
347
00:20:58,980 --> 00:21:00,700
Oh, I don't know, Cromwell.
348
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,860
I've only just lost my third wife, Jane
Seymour.
349
00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:06,480
And now I've got the male heir I want.
350
00:21:06,940 --> 00:21:09,540
I'd need a pretty good reason to marry
someone else.
351
00:21:09,870 --> 00:21:14,010
Well, how about to secure an alliance
against the Pope and to ensure the
352
00:21:14,010 --> 00:21:15,450
survival of the Church of England?
353
00:21:15,790 --> 00:21:17,870
No, I mean, you know, she'd have to be
well fit.
354
00:21:19,590 --> 00:21:25,110
Well... She hasn't got a younger sister,
has she?
355
00:21:25,790 --> 00:21:26,990
Um, yeah.
356
00:21:29,890 --> 00:21:33,650
All right, I'll have that one. Good
choice, sir.
357
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:39,100
With the portrait of Anne having done
the trick, it's time for Henry to meet
358
00:21:39,100 --> 00:21:42,620
bride. Now, remember, she's German, so
quite straight -laced.
359
00:21:42,860 --> 00:21:44,340
Don't worry. I've done this before.
360
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:45,719
Ready, boys?
361
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:46,359
Oh, yeah.
362
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:50,020
No, no, no, please. The entire English
Reformation depends upon this marriage
363
00:21:50,020 --> 00:21:56,080
style. And... Room raid! Room raid! Room
raid! Room raid! Room raid!
364
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:01,760
It's me, your new husband.
365
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,580
Oh. Oh.
366
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:06,260
Anne's not impressed.
367
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,320
And neither is Henry. But the wedding
plans are well underway.
368
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:13,740
She looks nothing like her portrait.
369
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:17,080
Well, to be fair, sire, neither do you.
370
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:22,600
I mean, your legs are thinner, your
belly is much fatter now, and your... Do
371
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,340
like your head where it is, Cromwells?
372
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:26,240
Yes.
373
00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:28,180
Good.
374
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:32,420
Unable to wiggle out of the wedding,
Henry says, I do.
375
00:22:35,590 --> 00:22:36,590
Congratulations, Dyer.
376
00:22:36,970 --> 00:22:38,810
England is changed.
377
00:22:39,470 --> 00:22:42,690
Yes, I'd like your head. What?
378
00:22:43,650 --> 00:22:44,650
Oh, no, please.
379
00:22:46,610 --> 00:22:49,070
Anne, there's something I wanted to say.
380
00:22:49,550 --> 00:22:51,790
The thing is... It's not you, it's me.
381
00:22:52,310 --> 00:22:55,630
Hang on, I was going to say that. I
guess I'm just not the marrying sort.
382
00:22:55,930 --> 00:22:58,270
I mean, you're clearly a nice person.
383
00:22:58,570 --> 00:22:59,570
I was going to say that, too.
384
00:23:00,030 --> 00:23:00,929
So great.
385
00:23:00,930 --> 00:23:02,050
How about a quick divorce?
386
00:23:02,350 --> 00:23:04,650
Perfect. I'll get my people under it.
387
00:23:06,470 --> 00:23:07,470
Crikey.
388
00:23:07,770 --> 00:23:09,010
Who's that?
389
00:23:11,690 --> 00:23:12,690
Hello.
390
00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:23,530
Next week, my big fat tutor wedding.
Henry gets married again to Anne's
391
00:23:23,530 --> 00:23:25,110
lady -in -waiting, Catherine Howard.
392
00:23:25,950 --> 00:23:28,730
And the week after that, he'll probably
marry someone else.
393
00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:29,990
Again.
394
00:23:30,950 --> 00:23:36,620
Yes? Incredibly, Henry was married six
times and his last wife, Catherine Parr,
395
00:23:36,740 --> 00:23:39,120
had to look after him when he became
really ill.
396
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:43,400
Unfortunately, Tudor medicine wasn't
very advanced and couldn't help him get
397
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,920
better. And it wasn't much use for
ordinary people either.
398
00:23:51,340 --> 00:23:53,760
Oh, this is Carver, isn't it?
399
00:23:53,980 --> 00:23:56,580
Yes, is Dr Hannity not available?
400
00:23:56,940 --> 00:24:00,040
Well, he was so tired after his golfing
holiday that he's had to take another
401
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:04,140
holiday. I'm Mr. Krivik, his replacement
from the reign of Henry VIII.
402
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,180
What can I do for you, young man?
403
00:24:06,460 --> 00:24:07,460
Scurvy, is it?
404
00:24:07,540 --> 00:24:10,700
Oh, he's a bit under the weather,
Doctor. A bit of a sore throat.
405
00:24:11,140 --> 00:24:12,760
Oh! The lurgy!
406
00:24:13,020 --> 00:24:14,020
Get him out of here!
407
00:24:14,260 --> 00:24:18,580
I don't think it's the lurgy. Just
something that's going round at school.
408
00:24:18,580 --> 00:24:19,980
of the football team have had it.
409
00:24:20,740 --> 00:24:22,800
That doesn't sound like the lurgy.
410
00:24:23,260 --> 00:24:25,060
Well, you're the Doctor.
411
00:24:25,500 --> 00:24:27,860
Well, mostly a ship surgeon, to be
honest.
412
00:24:28,140 --> 00:24:29,940
I'm mostly about cutting limbs off.
413
00:24:30,380 --> 00:24:31,720
Would you like me to remove any of your
leg?
414
00:24:31,940 --> 00:24:34,400
No. How about an arm? I need them both.
415
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:35,800
Let me think.
416
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,340
Here we go.
417
00:24:38,340 --> 00:24:39,600
Come on, roll, boy.
418
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,680
Mum, he's like a total lunchbox.
419
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:43,420
Oh, shush, dear. It's on the NHS.
420
00:24:43,860 --> 00:24:46,540
Are you quite sure you don't want me to
cut something off?
421
00:24:47,380 --> 00:24:48,380
Cut my fingers?
422
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:49,440
No.
423
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:51,040
I'm out of here.
424
00:24:51,420 --> 00:24:52,720
Hey, come back here.
425
00:24:54,140 --> 00:24:55,380
I'm so sorry.
426
00:24:59,210 --> 00:25:00,210
Oh, dear.
427
00:25:00,510 --> 00:25:01,810
First sign of the lurgy.
428
00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:06,450
Right, best take me leg off. You've had
your time. There you go.
429
00:25:08,670 --> 00:25:09,670
Actually,
430
00:25:10,270 --> 00:25:11,790
that is rather painful.
431
00:25:12,310 --> 00:25:17,230
Oh, that's got to hurt.
432
00:25:17,830 --> 00:25:21,850
Yes, life could be pretty brutal during
the time of Henry VIII, especially if
433
00:25:21,850 --> 00:25:22,850
you were one of his wives.
434
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:29,400
Henry died aged 55 and parked his crown
onto his only son, Edward VI.
435
00:25:29,860 --> 00:25:33,820
I wonder what old big head Henry himself
would make of his reign.
436
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:35,440
Hmm.
437
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,600
Chatty death, chatty death, my grisly
interviews.
438
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:46,520
Chatty death, chatty death, the dead and
famous too.
439
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:52,460
Oh, Ken, you might want to check your
teeth. You've just got a teeny wee bit
440
00:25:52,460 --> 00:25:53,920
spinach in your...
441
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,180
It's just... It's to the side. No one
will notice.
442
00:25:57,420 --> 00:26:02,700
Hello, hello, and welcome back. Time for
my next guest, the former King of
443
00:26:02,700 --> 00:26:05,240
England, Henry the Eighth!
444
00:26:07,220 --> 00:26:14,140
Henry, dead pleased to see you. To see
you... dead! You're supposed to
445
00:26:14,140 --> 00:26:15,140
all shout dead!
446
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:20,740
Honestly, Henry, the atmosphere is like
a funeral in here, which, of course, is
447
00:26:20,740 --> 00:26:22,760
appropriate, because you are dead.
448
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:29,600
Thanks for reminding me. So, tell us,
Daddy, I mean Henry, how would you like
449
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:30,579
be remembered?
450
00:26:30,580 --> 00:26:36,280
I'd like to be remembered as a handsome,
athletic king who bravely defied Rome
451
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,800
and became the leader of the Church of
England.
452
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,340
So, not as a fat bloke who went through
wives like most people go through
453
00:26:42,340 --> 00:26:43,340
toothbrushes.
454
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:48,020
The wives, the wives, that's all anyone
wants to talk about. This is Oxford.
455
00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:53,340
We've got one here today. See if you can
guess which one is Anne Boleyn.
456
00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:58,360
Look, I suggest you take this seriously.
457
00:26:58,720 --> 00:26:59,820
I am taking it seriously.
458
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:01,700
I'm very grave.
459
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,080
Very grave.
460
00:27:05,340 --> 00:27:08,380
Come on, seriously. I will not stand for
this.
461
00:27:08,660 --> 00:27:10,260
You're right, I went too far.
462
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,460
What would you like to say? Come on,
this is your big moment.
463
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:15,360
Well.
464
00:27:15,740 --> 00:27:16,740
Oh,
465
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,000
look at us go. The bigger they are, the
harder they fall.
466
00:27:21,940 --> 00:27:25,800
Chatty death, chatty death. Hope next
time it's not you.
467
00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:32,680
Then he
468
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:36,400
got drunk and fell off a boat.
469
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:42,160
The party's no longer a mystery.
470
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:43,400
Hope you enjoy.
471
00:27:43,790 --> 00:27:45,430
Horrible history.
38890
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