All language subtitles for horrible_histories_s06e04_mardy_mary_queen_of_scots

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fighting Frenchmen, brave Victorians,

woeful wards, ferocious fights, stingy
cartons, daring knights, horrors that

divide description, cut pro -cult,
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civil wars, brainy phagies, mean and

misery, middle ages, gory stories, we do
that, and your host, the drumming rat,

the party's no longer a mystery, welcome
to...

Horrible Histories Horrible

Histories presents Marty Mary, Queen of
Scots

This is a tale of twists and plots And
how rulers advance

About young Mary, Queen of Scots
Although brought up in France This is

of Tudor rule. The English cart is
grumpy. They think that Mary wants the

throne. It don't half make them. Joggy!

Mary, Mary was quite scary to Queen
Elizabeth.

Don't want to own your English throne.
She blimmin' does.

Lizker. Elizabeth first called the
shots, saw Mary as a threat.

So was she headed Queen of Scots for
troubled times. You bet.

Previously on Mary, Queen of Scots.

A child is born to King James V of
Scotland.

Great news, Your Majesty.

Your wife's had a baby girl.

Your Majesty.

Your Majesty.

Your Majesty!

No!

He's dead!

A new leader will rule.

I crown you.

Mary, Queen of Scrooges.

An infant queen forced to flee Scotland
as her mother

receives shock news.

An easy ace wants Mary to marry his son,
Prince Edward, over my dead body.

Mary, you are going to France.

Pick four friends to take with you.

Marry, marry, marry, and marry.

That'll be fun at passport control.

A Scottish queen sent to live in France.

Welcome to France.

Now, first things first, let's get your
boyfriend.

Forced to marry at 17, but destined for
the French throne.

We may now kiss the bride.

My father is dead.

Now I am king and you are queen of
France.

We shall rule France and Scotland
together for decades to come.

I don't know. I don't feel so well.

To be continued right now.

Oh, Mary.

Yes, my lady?

Not you, Mary, Mary, oh, Mary. You,
Mary.

Yes, my lady. I was just thinking how
happy I am eating prawns compared to

dreary old Scotland.

The weather is better. The fashion is
better. The food.

It's so much better.

Yes, milady.

Scotland is rubbish.

Shut your giggy. That's my pony with
Scotland you're running down there.

But you're right. The day we arrived in
France from Scotland was the happiest

day of my life.

Now, Marie?

Yes, milady? You, Marie, fetch me my
little doggie. Yes, milady.

Oh, look what I have stitched.

I have made a new coat for my little
doggy. Oh, lovely.

I am so happy.

But my lady, isn't King Francis still
unwell? I hear he is bravely fighting

his life.

Oh, no, he's just being a sickly little
softy as per usual.

You only have an earache. You cannot die
of an earache.

King Francis has died of earache.

Apparently you can.

Oh, my darling son.

Hold on a minute.

If France is no longer king, does that
mean that I am in charge?

No, I am.

And you, Marie, are going straight back
to Scotland.

Oh. Um, which... Which, um, Marie, is
that? All of

you.

Jinx, that's a fury downer there.

So, widowed Mary was sent packing across
the Channel back to Scotland.

Mary was known for her love of clothes
and fashion, but it wasn't just Tudor

women who dressed in extravagant ways.

Hey. Hey. How you doing?

Um, I'm all right.

Actually a bit rough.

Are you rough?

11 -incher. Really?

What a rough guess.

Hey!

Guess who's here?

Sorry I'm late.

Nice rough.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, rough time putting
it on.

Yeah, all those pins and bleach. Yeah,
like really rough on your hands. I would

not want to be out there right now.

Rough weather can be so rough on the
rough.

Man,

you look well... What's the word?

Rough. Oh, I smell

soup.

There's a problem with these spoons,
waitress.

Oh, waitress!

Gone home. That is no way to run a
business.

Oh, hey, hi.

Your human spoon trick, huh?

Thank you.

Although, they do look a bit ridiculous,
though. Yeah, well, you've got to take

the rough with the smooth, haven't you?

Boys,

soup for one and soup for all.

Hey, let's eat!

You, you soup spoon me, I'll soup spoon
him. You, you do him, I do you. I do me?

You do him, I do you.

16th century fashion might have been
strange, but 16th century food could be

pretty weird too.

I'm Paul Hollybush.

And I'm Mary, Queen of Scones.

Let's see what our bakers can impress us
with this week. For our signature bake

challenge, we're going to ask them to
both make a simple loaf of Tudor bread

from the reign of Mary, Queen of Scots.

So, Gilbert, what have you gone for?

A brown loaf, Mary, which in Tudor times
would have been the cheapest sort of

bread eaten by poor people in the
taverns and so forth.

Oh, poor people.

Yeah, the white bread would have only
been for the wealthy and posh types and

forth. And, Percy, what do you have
planned for us?

A biscuit bread, Mary, with aniseed and
coriander.

Oh. Do you not like biscuit bread? Oh,
no, I'm still thinking about the poor

people. That does sound lovely.

Get baking. Get baking. I just said
that.

Let's see how the...

Biscuit bread is coming along.

Percy,

you don't seem happy with your bake.

Oh, no, it's fine. It's just that this
traditional Tudor recipe means that I

have to pummel it with a length of wood
for two hours before it's even remotely

ready to bake.

This biscuit bread's going to take some
beating.

It's very good, Mary.

Where is it?

It's not here.

Yeah, most Tudors didn't have ovens, so
they'd send their dough off to bakers

instead. Oh, here it comes now.

That's a really soggy bottom.

Sorry, I sat on a wet bench.

No!

Cuckoo! How is it going?

I am Marie, I am 18, I am a queen and I
am single.

Again, if you are interested and you are
a prince or a powerful noble who can

help me hold on to my throne, then drop
me a line.

But don't wait around, though, because I
won't be single long.

I'm pure fat me.

Mary's return to Scotland didn't please
everyone, especially not Queen Elizabeth

I. You see, Mary was Elizabeth's cousin
with her own strong claim to rule

England. Feisty Elizabeth felt
threatened.

There was only space for one royal bum
on that throne.

Let the rivalry begin!

Tudor Talks presents Princess Dress -Up.

Every little girl wants to be a queen,
and now Tudor togs have two fabulous

outfits for her to choose from.

How about Queen Elizabeth I of England?

The Protestant Queen of England with no
European allies, no husband, and no

children to slow her down.

Failure to get married carried out at
monarch's own risk.

Prospects for the Tudor dynasty may go
up or down.

you know or how about mary queen of
scott tall beautiful young fashionable

adored around europe right

No idea.

Through her father, James V of Scotland,
and her grandmother, Margaret Tudor,

she has a Tudor and Stuart claim to the
English crown.

Le doublé, whammy. With strong ties to
Europe because she's Catholic and a bit

French. I'll take both. You can't have
both. These outfits must be sold

separately as the two monarchs are never
seen in the same room.

Tudor talk, because every little girl
deserves to be a queen.

No liabilities accepted for death and
treason slots incurred whilst wearing

outfits. Dressing up as royalty is a
punishable offence.

Tudor tub.

Get them before they get you.

So, while the Queen v Queen rivalry was
really heating up, ambitious Mary met

and married her second husband, the
Scottish noble Lord Darnley. Oh, he is

dreamy. But Darnley was so annoying and
upset so many people, the other Scottish

nobles had him killed. Not so dreamy.
Hello.

How is it going?

I am Marie. I am 25 and I am single.

Again. And looking for my, um, Francis
Downey, uh, third husband,

I'd like to say my second husband died
of natural causes.

But his hooch was blown to bits and he
was strangled!

Doesn't come much more unnatural than
that.

You must have your own army. I still
have my own country, but it looks like I

might have to fight for it.

It would be great if you're a prince,
but really I just need someone who can

smash my enemies into tiny wee bits.

If Mary asks for me, I'm not available.

While Mary was searching for another
husband, life in the 1500s was

in lots of different ways, from science
to the cesspit. Hold your noses.

Oh, sorry. No, no, no.

Please, take a seat.

What's that?

That, sir, is Ajax, the first ever
flushing privy invented in 1596 by me.

Really? Yes.

Mr John Harrington, esteemed poet and
godson to Queen Elizabeth herself. But

can call me Mr Toilet.

No? Fair enough.

Nobody seems to want to shake Mr
Toilet's hand.

Regard. One I made earlier.

Oh, what is wrong with you? Yes, very
unpleasant, isn't it? But with the new

Harrington loo, simply pull the lever...
..and the doings are magically flushed

away. Privy. The privy of the future.

Mind your feet.

Oh, man.

Yes, I am working on that bit. Do you
mind?

Do you mind going away?

Each to their own.

Oh, hang on.

Where's the paper?

Paper you intend to write?

For afterwards.

Oh, I see. Just use the same cloth as
everyone else.

Oh, thank you.

You know what? Never mind. Thanks.

Welcome to Amazing Scientists.

You know, some tuners believe some
pretty crazy stuff.

They believe that unicorn horns could
heal people.

They also believed in unicorns. But the
Tudors also did some amazing things.

Think about it.

Tudors knew stuff about space.

And they didn't even have the internet
or loom bands.

Tudor science is amazing.

But don't take my word for it.

I'm about to meet one of the brainiest
fellas of the Tudor times.

Danish scientist, Tico Brahe. Hi, Brian.

Tico, you're wearing a fake silver nose.

I imagine that's for a good scientific
reason.

It certainly is. I lost my real nose in
a fight about man.

That's not science. That's just weird.
But anyway, carry on. Just tell him

all your amazing achievements.

Oh, yeah, sure.

So, over the course of my career, I
catalogued over a thousand stars.

Wow. I also invented numerous
instruments designed to help study and

universe with astonishing accuracy.

He's astronomically amazing.

Thanks.

Well, that's all from me for this week.
I also had a fortune -telling dwarf.

Oh, you had to ruin it, didn't you?

It's called Jep, and he lived under my
desk. Sip it!

I also had an elk.

I used to bring him to parties. I don't
know.

Unfortunately, one day he fell down the
stairs. What was he doing up the stairs,

looking for the loo? It's a really funny
story. We've been having a little bit

of the drinking. Oh, get out of here!

Tudor scientist.

Amazing, but weird.

You like to party? No.

Now, my second husband, Lord Darnley,
wanted to be king, and he was an

arrogant... Idiot who made lots of
enemies.

Unfortunately, he was killed.

But what did I do to the person who
killed him?

A. Execute him. B.

Forgive him. Or C.

Marry him.

Ah, the answer is... B!

Pretty much everyone knows the Earl of
Bothwell murdered Lord Arnie, but I

married him anyway.

What can I say? I'm an hopeless
romantic.

Elizabeth was popular.

Most thought her rule was strong.

The Catholic men protested. Protestants
had ruled too long.

I promise not to take the throne.

Queen Mary does protest.

Really, says Elizabeth.

You're under house arrest.

So miserable Mary was forced to flee
from Scotland because the Scottish

thought her third husband was even worse
than the one before.

But when she escaped to England, she was
arrested and put in prison by her

cousin, Queen Elizabeth, who was worried
she was trying to steal the English

throne. You couldn't make it up.

I am back in the market again, looking
for my husband, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah.

Now, before, I wanted a prince or
someone with an army.

Now, I basically just want someone who
isn't going to get killed.

Oh, and someone who can get me out of
prison.

Elizabeth I had me locked up, so really
you need to beat someone's sheer proof

of. Although I'm up for a secret
marriage alliance to a powerful Catholic

can help me smash England and take back
what's rightfully mine.

While Elizabeth kept Mary under lock and
key, over near Greece a war was being

waged at sea. The naval battle of
Lepanto was massive and massively weird.

time for History's Craziest Fools.

Hey, you. Yeah, you.

Quit picking your nose like a yoghurt
and listen up. Yeah, I'm Mr. H.

And I've been working hard searching
through history to find the craziest

that ever lived. These people are bad
for your health, Rob.

If you don't pay attention, so am I. For
real, fam.

Get it? Chill.

The naval battle of Lepanto, 1571, yeah?
The mighty Ottomans were up against the

Spanish, Italian and Maltese fighting
for the future of Europe, like in the

football. The Ottoman captain can see
that the enemy are too far away to fire

at. So what's he going to do? Wait
patiently and conserve energy for the

ahead? Come on, everyone.

Dance, dance, dance.

No! He's going to try and start a dance
-off. What?

None!

You'd better get the right tune,
otherwise it is going to be whacked.

Now, if this guy had any sense here, he
would ignore the crazy Ottoman

behaviour. You can't touch this.

But he doesn't! Huh?

Yeah, that's it.

Oh, man, quit already. You're already
making me seasick.

Now that the battle is on, you think
things are going to get serious, right?

Wrong!

This guy has just had his hand blown
off, and it takes like a hundred years

something to grow it back.

He needs to stop the bleeding. That is a
pretty sensible idea.

But that definitely isn't a chicken band
-aid. Mate, chickens are for burgers.

What are you thinking, finger -licking
fool?

Yeah, there's no more cannonballs.

What? What? Here comes the Spanish. The
Ottomans are out of ammo. Oh, my days.

Think it's all over? Think again!

Who needs cannonballs when we've got
fresh fruit?

Load!

Aim! Fire!

Fire fruit at will!

Take that, you silly bunny!

Know when to quit, citrus fruit fools!

One got to fool you. All right.

Remember,

as long as we keep making history,
history will keep making crazy fools.

Best advice I can give to you is to keep
out of their way!

Until next time, stay away from stupid y
'alls!

Have you cut? Right, someone's taken my
yoga mat.

I am still Marie, Queen of Scots, just
about.

So, that is quite a strange name,
because I haven't spent that much time

Scotland. In fact, how many years did I
live there in total?

Was it A, six years, B, 12 years, or C,
17 years?

The answer is B.

I may be queen of the shots, but I only
lived there for 12 years out of my

entire life.

The rest of the time, I was living in
France, wearing lovely dresses.

And for the past 19 years, I have been a
prisoner in England, but also wearing

lovely dresses.

I cannae be seen in rags now, can I?
What if Elizabeth I gets assassinated by

one of my followers and I get made Queen
of England?

Whoops. I have said too much.

Mary said she didn't want to kill
Elizabeth and take the English throne,

Catholic plotters began writing letters
to her, planning exactly that.

Luckily for Queen Liz, her spying
master, Lord Walsingham, was a sinister

genius. He caught Desperate Mary red
-handed with enough evidence to put her

trial for treason. If found guilty, she
would be put to death.

But Elizabeth wouldn't do that to her
own cousin, would she?

Would she?

What a terrible dilemma.

Is this a fair trial or just a mockery?

I am Queen Mary.

There is no escape from your trickery.
No lawyer to

depend or witnesses to defend me.

Your Honor.

You expect me to confess that I'd bump
off good Queen Bess.

Season, I call Walsingham,

Lord Altrincham, cause these letters are
fakes.

Phony, you're going down.

I can prove the re...

And I was Queen of Scotland once, you
clown.

Please do not carry on.

You are guilty. Now admit it.

Mary's refusing to admit her guilt. What
a shock. What a shame. A complete and

utter scandal.

Trouble to the Babington.

Say, Queen, best you've ever done. Into
the scaffold.

To the scaffold. To the scaffold. To the
scaffold. To the scaffold.

Thank you.

matter. She made me enemies.

Her death really matters to me.

That's not how my week goes.

Tragic Mary died when she was 44 years
old and Elizabeth regretted signing her

own cousin's death warrant for the rest
of her life.

Still, you could say Mary had the last
laugh, because when Elizabeth died,

Mary's son became King James I of
England.

Time to say goodbye, Mary!

Welcome to Chetty Death, where it's time
to welcome our next guest.

So please put your hands together, or,
you know, whatever you've got left, and

go muck crazy for Mary, Queen of Scots.

So, Mazza, Mazza, Mazza, Mazza, Mazza,
Mazza, Mazza, can I call you Mazza? Call

me Mary, Queen of Scots.

So, Madge, let's cut to the chase.

How about telling us?

What do you like your legacy to be?

That I stood up for my rightful claim to
the throne against that rubbish queen,

my cousin, Elizabeth.

Whatever happened to her, huh?

Well, um, Elizabeth never married.

Well, I was married three times.

Ah!

Yeah, I don't think that's better.

Oh, um, did she meet that sticky end?

If by a sticky end you mean she reigned
for a glorious 44 years, establishing a

strong England free from the rule of
Rome, defeated the Spanish, and is

remembered as possibly England's
greatest ever monarch, then, yeah, you'd

too well.

Bah! Your bum's out the window.

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Ah!

There's some in Rome in your chair, pal.

What a lovely lady.

A fellow could really lose his head over
her.

If I wasn't deaf, I'd be dying up here.

Chatty death, chatty death. Hope next
time it's not you.

You're not a thief.

No.

No pressure, boy.

It's sad.

The path is no longer a mystery.

Hope you enjoyed.