All language subtitles for hope_and_faith_s01e16_charleys_baseball

French tip still wet.

I played with Dad's baseball and got it
soaked.

Your Dad's autographed baseball?

I'm going to sleep with the fishes.

Well, let me see how bad it is. Where is
it?

It'll be done in two minutes.

You're not trying it in the microwave,
are you?

Good thinking.

Hey!

What's going on? Nothing. There was just
a little problem, but now everything

is... A -okay.

But enough about us. How was your day?

What was that?

Dad's baseball.

Oh, no.

Not the one autographed by Roger
Clemens. The one that sits in its own

protective case.

The one he took on our honeymoon.

Maybe he won't notice.

Oh, my God.

Justin, what happened?

Um... I did it.

It's my fault.

Freak out about what?

This amazing new dish that Hope cooked.

Smells good.

Let me have a taste. Oh, no. This is
all.

But you know in the end we can laugh
about it. We don't know we can drive

other crazy.

We know we don't have to worry.

We will live, we will laugh, and we'll
love each other anyway.

La, la, la, la, la, la.

Ah, there. Problem solved.

An autographed baseball just like your
dad's for $10.

Still got that 20 in your piggy bank?

How did you know I had a 20 in my piggy
bank?

Lucky guess.

Does your daddy have a piggy bank?

Hey, any luck finding the ball?

No, but I did post you on RUHot .com,
and you're doing surprisingly well.

Faith, this is serious. Oh, come on.
It's a baseball. How mad could he get?

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry!

Chain on this thing keeps sticking.

Have you told Haley yet she's going to
lose her treehouse?

Yeah, she's up there saying goodbye.

You know, you've got kind of a sexy
lumberjack thing going on.

Ahoy, matey.

That's a sailor. Who do you think made
their boat?

Carpenters. Who do you think gave them
their wood?

Okay, just go cut down the tree.

Hey, I've got great news.

Roger Clemens is going to be in Columbus
today appearing in a charity baseball

game. Perfect. You can go there and ask
him to sign the ball. Can I borrow your

car? Perfect.

We can go there and ask him to sign the
ball.

Wait.

What was the second thing?

Oh, I just checked on RUHot .com and
you've been upgraded to doable.

say your goodbyes?

I can't believe you're cutting down this
tree.

It's been here my whole life.

I mean, I wrote my first angry letter to
the president sitting right here. Oh, I

remember. The FBI came by the next day.

You don't sign letters to the president,
watch your back.

Look, honey, I love this treehouse too,
but the tree is dying.

It's not safe anymore.

So what do you say?

Should we go down?

Are those real handcuffs?

I found them in Aunt Faith's drawer.

Did she play a cop on the soap?

Do me a favor.

Stay out of your ass drawer from now on.

Why are we dressed like this? I feel
stupid.

Look, you want to get backstage, you've
got to look the part. Besides, think

about it.

Your hand -to -butt ratio is finally
working in your favor.

Follow my lead.

This is my sushi order.

Oh.

Okay, look, I didn't want to have to
pull rank here, but I'm a huge star. And

you don't let us in, Roger Clemens is
going to be very upset.

Big star.

That's right.

Hope, tell him.

She's Faith Fairfield. Star of the
Sacred and the Sinful.

Well, she was.

She was fired.

Well, killed off.

Now she's broke, unemployed, living in
my house.

Special VIP entrance for people like
you, right this way. Oh, a VIP entrance.

Faithy likey.

fire alarm, and then you sneak in there
and get Roger Clemens and sign this

ball. Are you crazy?

You never pull a fire alarm unless
there's a fire.

Okay, we'll start a small one, but I
think that's more dangerous.

Faith Fairfield?

It's me, Eddie.

Vanderbeek?

We made love at Dodger Stadium?

I'm sorry, you're going to have to be
more specific.

Nice to meet you.

So what brings you two down here to the
game?

Well, uh, a love of baseball, certainly.

And, of course, a genuine concern for
the people who have, um, that bad thing

that you guys are playing this charity
game for.

Hunger? Yes.

Hunger.

God willing, someday they'll find a
cure.

You mean, like, food?

I destroyed my brother -in -law's prize
baseball, and now we're here to try to

get Roger Clemens to sign a new one for
him.

Give me the ball.

I'll take care of it.

And, uh, good for you with that food
idea.

Dodger Stadium, huh? Yeah, Eddie and I
were hot and heavy for a while.

I don't remember why, but we drifted
apart.

Stopped having sex.

Thanks.

Here you go. Thanks, Eddie.

See? Problem solved.

Never dump a player for the bat boy, you
heartless witch.

At least I think it says witch.

What do you think, Justin?

I have to disagree, Dad.

Trees born and grow and die.

Such is the cycle of life.

Wow. I never thought of it that way.

Isn't that what you told me to say?

Justin, how do you know it's this tree's
time?

What if you're wrong and he cuts it down
and it screams in agony?

Scream? Can't you hear it?

You slide through here into the locker
room. You get Roger Clemens and find

ball, and then you slide out, and we're
out of here.

Godspeed. Me?

Why don't you do it?

I can't slide through there with these.

But you, you'll slide right through.
You're built like a toboggan.

of people other than just yourself.

Oh, you mean like this morning when you
used Charlie's ball to plug up the tub?

That was really thoughtful and selfless.

Completely untrue.

You didn't take a bath this morning.
Yes, I did. Smell me. No,

you took a shower because when you take
a bath, the floor is totally flooded and

you leave candles and bath salts and a
dirty ring around the...

You're never going to get me to rat out
my only nephew.

Dad, why would you cover for Justin?

Because.

Do you remember that stamp collection
that Dad had that he loved more than

anything in the world?

The one you used to mail invitations to
your 13th birthday party?

I'll never forget the look in his eyes
when he found out.

He was so disappointed in me.

Of course, it might not have been so bad
if you hadn't bought the invites with

his coin collection.

I saw Justin so upset this morning. I
just... I never want him to see that

in his father's eyes.

I think that might be one of the nicest
things you've ever done.

So if it's okay with you,

let's just tell Charlie that I ruined
the ball and let the chips fall where

may.

Well, we could do that.

But I think I've got a better idea.

Okay, we're in.

Now let's go get that ball sign.

Okay, but the first order of business is
finding this guy.

Just get Roger Clemens to sign the ball
and get out of here.

What's the rush?

We're surrounded by strange, half -naked
men.

Exactly. Slow down, sister. Enjoy the
ride.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a match.

Stop that.

Look, there he is. Come on.

Hey, Roger, take a couple more
questions, all right? Roger.

That last pitch, did you know it was a
strike as soon as you let it go?

I knew it was a strike when no more
swung and missed it.

That's a hoot!

And what publication are you ladies
from?

And what publication are you from?

Willie Randolph, bench coach of the New
York Yankees.

Oh, well, don't give up. I mean, the
important thing is that you're on the

We're from the sports magazine called...

Jocks and balls.

Do you have a question?

Yes, we do.

We here at Jocks and Balls want to know,
what's your favorite sport?

That would be baseball.

Very interesting.

I'll just jot that down.

On my hand.

With my finger.

What our JMB readers really want to know
is when you're running for a field

goal... Touchback.

Homer. Homer?

When you're running for a Homer, do you
ever take time along the way and stop

for a fan and sign his ball?

Excuse me?

As a gesture of goodwill. Because I
happen to have a ball and a pen right

Oh, you two!

to cook a chicken in there.

Get some more ice.

I'm going to go get my antifungal.

Boiling!

Boiling!

Hey,

Roger, your tub's ready.

Come on, this is great.

My knee is killing me.

So now what do we do?

You should probably punish me or
something.

Yeah, yeah.

I am going to punish you.

So what do you think I should do for
your punishment?

You can take away my TV privileges and
ground me for a week.

Young man, you have just lost your TV
privileges.

And what's more, you are grounded for an
entire week.

Is that it?

You should probably say a little
something.

about responsibility.

Good, good, yeah.

I like that.

I hope that you've learned to be more
responsible and, uh... Respect other

people's property?

Exactly.

So we're clear?

Perfectly.

Your excuse.

Not you, too.

I'm sorry, but this treehouse has a lot
of memories for me.

Ross, Marissa, and I spent an entire
summer up here playing spin the... math

book.

Man, he was good at math.

You know, kids, this treehouse means a
lot to us, too.

Oh, it sure does.

I designed it, built it with my own two
hands, and I paid a professional to

rebuild it after it fell out of the
tree.

that first night.

Just to make sure it was safe.

And, well, y 'all know Justin.

I

knew

that'd get him. There's nothing worse
than the thought of your parents doing

Oh, that's true. I remember after a big
rainstorm.

I walked into the laundry room, and
there was Mom and my dad in his black

-high socks and his tighty -whities.

Okay, okay, got it.

You know, I'm really going to miss this
treehouse.

Maybe we'll feel better if we say a
proper goodbye.

We did have to eat.

Mrs.

Maybe we should take this inside.

Good idea.

Give me a chance to change out of these
black knee -high socks.

Ew!