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I'm looking!
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Junk, junk, credit card bill, letter
from grandma.
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Just find the progress reports, I gotta
know where I'm failing before dad gets
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home. Yeah, I need time to practice my
lies so I can look him in the eye.
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Mrs. Cranston made me mail my own
progress report. Look for an envelope
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drawing of a wolf ripping apart Mrs.
Cranston.
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Here they are.
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Oh, my God.
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Maybe if you guys had studied this
quarter, you wouldn't be in this sad,
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predicament.
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Here's one for you.
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What?
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This has got to be a mistake. A mistake?
Or a sad, sad predicament.
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What is it?
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Nothing. Let us see.
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Hey!
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Get back!
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Get out!
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Okay, fine.
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Let him have his privacy. We've got
bigger things to deal with. Get him!
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And the winner is... P .E.? Why do you
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fail P .E.? Even the kid with hooks for
hands passes P .E.
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Says here his problem is the R .O .P .E.
He can't climb a rope?
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Even that kid with hooks for hands can
climb a rope.
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And if I had hooks for hands, I could
climb it too, but I'm not that lucky.
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So let's see how you geniuses did. T
.J., Jack.
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Kyle. Chris.
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Chris. Chris.
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Chris. Chris.
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I heard you the first time.
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You're failing five classes.
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You know how many classes you're
failing? What an idiot.
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Steph! You know what to do. I'll get the
beer.
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Hurry up. He's almost here.
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Hey, Dad.
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Get off me!
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Ah, progress report day.
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Three beers?
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TJ, get me another beer.
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Will I go by age or stupidity?
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I guess it's only fair that we go
shortest to tallest.
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What will it be for TJ?
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Ah, your old friend, science and failure
together again.
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Not for long.
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Teacher said I can bring up my grade by
doing an extra credit project.
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Really?
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Look me in the eye and tell me all about
it.
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With pleasure.
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It's called Quantum Mechanics, the study
of subatomic particles in the dual
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nature of light.
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Impressive.
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You didn't blink once.
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I used eye drops.
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Kyle, what a lovely drawing of a vicious
animal killing Mrs. Cranston.
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And ironically, your failing art.
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He also wants to put you in an anger
management class.
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What?
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I'm gonna kill that old hag.
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00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:53,170
Or you could try harder in school.
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Sorry.
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Moving on.
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Jack. Okay, I'm failing algebra.
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But come on, when am I ever gonna use
algebra in real life?
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That's true.
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Who's next?
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Chris. Yeah.
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Chris. Yeah.
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00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:17,160
Chris. Okay.
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Chris. I know.
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Chris.
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This could take a while, so I'll be in
the kitchen washing that world's
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dad mug I made you.
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You're failing five classes. I can't
ignore this.
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Sure you can.
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Ignoring stuff is easy.
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Watch.
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You gotta start taking school seriously.
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Sam's failing P .E.? Hey, Dad's not done
with you yet.
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P .E.? Oh, crap.
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How do you fail P .E.? Is it the, uh,
shower thing
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again?
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You can't climb the rope.
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You can't climb the rope?
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So? I'm sure there's things you can't
do. Yeah, I can't believe my son can't
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climb the rope.
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Why are you singling me out? I'm not.
I'm mad at all of you. Because if you
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up in summer school, we can't take our
trip to the lake.
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And I need at least four of you to get
the boat in the water.
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Coach McCarthy!
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Chris Cross!
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Jack Hammer!
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Killer Kyle!
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TNTKO!
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And... Tacky Pants.
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Well, we got a big problem.
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Guess who's going to get kicked off the
football team because he's failing five
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classes.
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Who?
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He's even looking right at him.
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Chris, you got to start taking school
more seriously.
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You're right, coach.
102
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I just said that.
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The coach is talking.
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Hey, Sam's smart. Why doesn't he tutor
Chris and you pass Sam in PE?
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DJ, the coach can't just make deals.
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The kid's talking.
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Go on.
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That was the whole plan.
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Sam, Judas, Chris, you pass Sam.
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Oh.
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So what do you say, khaki pants?
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It seems kind of shady.
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Hey, how about tossing in no showers?
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Dad.
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Well, as long as it's on the table.
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for helping me stay on the team, Sam.
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Hey, whatever keeps me off of that rope.
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All right, what subject do you want to
start with?
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I have a history quiz coming up.
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Okay, perfect. What chapter is it on?
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I'm not sure.
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Gee, I hope that's not on the quiz.
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When you're in class and the other kids
open their books, where do they stop?
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Flip through the pages. I'll know by the
pictures.
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Indian wearing a dish towel like a dude
in a black dress.
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Okay, that's a loincloth, and that's
Father Jose. It was his goal to save the
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souls of the Indians.
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You'd think his goal would be to get
them some pants.
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We're studying here.
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Oh, Angela, hi.
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Hi, Sam.
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My parents are gone for the afternoon,
so I was wondering if you want to come
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over. Okay.
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No, I can't. I promised I'd help tutor
Chris today. Oh.
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That's too bad. I thought we could make
brownies, play ping pong, go in the hot
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tub. Okay.
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Hey!
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No, I can't. I wish I could, but... I
mean, look at him. He really needs my
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help.
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00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,500
Well, that's really sweet of you, Sam.
Yeah.
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Yeah, I'm a freaking saint.
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Maybe some other time?
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Okay.
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Wow, thanks a lot, Sam.
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I know how much you like her.
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I wish I knew better grades.
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You can, Chris.
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If you just applied yourself, you could
do better in school, get into a good
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college. Who knows? You could even be a
lawyer or a doctor.
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00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:29,670
Like a sports lawyer or a sports doctor?
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00:08:30,790 --> 00:08:33,870
Sure, but you know, you don't have to
limit yourself to just sports.
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I mean, you could be president.
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No one as dumb as me could ever be
president.
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Chris, you're not dumb.
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You really mean that? You bet I do.
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Let's get back to work. Where were we?
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Father Jose and the Indians.
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Ah, yeah.
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Okay. Father Jose tried to help the
Indians by building several... casinos.
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00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:03,710
Sorry.
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00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,390
What are casinos?
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00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:22,440
Demdar Hills was the cry throughout the
land. In 1849, people from far and wide
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flocked to California to mine for gold.
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The gold rush happened in Demdar Hills.
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00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:36,700
You gave the answer away in your
question.
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After Brutus stabs Beezle, what three
famous words does he utter?
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Stop stabbing me.
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00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,970
How much is that burrito?
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Cuanto es ese burrito?
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Squanto es. No, not squanto. Cuanto es.
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00:10:00,630 --> 00:10:01,630
Are you sure?
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I have the book right in front of me.
Just order a burrito in Spanish.
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00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:08,450
I had a burrito for lunch. What else
they got?
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00:10:09,950 --> 00:10:12,940
It's... It doesn't matter. Just order
something in Spanish.
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00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,480
I'll just have whatever you're having.
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Do you see me ordering here? Are we in a
restaurant?
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00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,480
God, you're not even trying, Chris.
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00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:26,660
I could be across the street right now
with Angela in a hot tub.
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00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:31,020
But I'm not because I'm here helping
you.
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00:10:31,860 --> 00:10:32,860
Gracias.
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00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,920
It's too late, Chris. You're hopeless.
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00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,800
Yeah? Well, let's hear you say that from
the top of a rope.
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00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,040
That's it.
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00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:50,780
I'm going to give you till three to take
your arm off of me. You can't count to
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three.
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00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,200
Say I'm sorry.
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I'm sorry you're an idiot?
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00:11:29,870 --> 00:11:32,110
Professor Von Turd is calling me names.
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00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:36,810
Can't take it, Dad. I'm at the end of my
rope. And yes, I'm aware of the irony
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of that remark.
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00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:43,070
Calm down, boys. It's just your first
day. And my last.
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00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,310
Chris, find yourself another tutor. I
quit.
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00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:49,290
Good. Who needs you? My muscles spit on
your brain.
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00:11:52,370 --> 00:11:56,390
I'm done wasting my time on you. You're
nothing but a typical dumb high school
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00:11:56,390 --> 00:11:57,690
jock, and that's all you'll ever be.
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00:11:58,220 --> 00:11:59,600
You said I could be president.
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I was trying to build your self -esteem,
you stupid moron.
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00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,740
I expect that from the rest of these
guys.
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00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:12,380
But you're supposed to be the nice one.
200
00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:18,620
Yeah? Well, say goodbye to Mr. Nice Guy
and hello to Mr. Tell -It -Like -It -Is
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00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:23,220
Guy. You're a menace. You're a liar. You
over -jell your hair. You can't catch a
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00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:24,220
frisbee.
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00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:27,240
I got no beef with you.
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00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:33,630
It's not gel, it's pomade.
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How's it going?
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00:12:54,910 --> 00:12:56,590
What do I need ropes for anyway?
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00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,070
Ladders are way more efficient.
208
00:12:58,330 --> 00:12:59,910
Ladders are the thinking man's rope.
209
00:13:01,610 --> 00:13:03,290
You know, there's a trick to climbing
ropes.
210
00:13:04,010 --> 00:13:05,010
Really?
211
00:13:05,230 --> 00:13:07,290
You have to grip and pull.
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00:13:08,350 --> 00:13:10,190
Grip and pull.
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00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:12,330
That's what I've been doing.
214
00:13:12,730 --> 00:13:13,770
Yeah, but you're not going up.
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00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,210
Face it, Dad, I'm not a jock.
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00:13:17,990 --> 00:13:21,510
Each year I show up to gym hoping this
is the year the savage coordination
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00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:25,770
in and then my lack of skill is hammered
in with each dodgeball to the head.
218
00:13:27,810 --> 00:13:29,390
You know, there's a trick to dodgeball.
219
00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:31,190
Then get it.
220
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,600
You don't understand what it's like to
be me in a family of you.
221
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:39,280
It's humiliating to always be the last
person picked on a team.
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00:13:39,740 --> 00:13:43,460
Or to watch as the entire infield moves
in when you come up to bat.
223
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:48,660
Or to have your peewee hockey coach
deliberately give you wrong directions
224
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:49,980
the game. Do you remember when you did
that, Dad?
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00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:53,140
I was afraid you'd get hurt. I said I
was sorry.
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00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,220
I can't climb this.
227
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:00,099
You're right, Sam.
228
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,079
Give up.
229
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,080
Take the F.
230
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:03,160
Join the family.
231
00:14:05,660 --> 00:14:07,580
Dad, you're just trying to get me to
climb this rope.
232
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,840
No, I'm trying to get you to honor the
shady deal you made with Coach McCarthy.
233
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,560
Get back in there and patch it up with
your brother.
234
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:16,980
Never!
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I will show him!
236
00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:19,840
I'll show you all!
237
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:21,700
I will climb!
238
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:40,980
Look, I'd really like to patch things
up.
239
00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:43,420
Hey, no hard feelings.
240
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:45,320
You're not mad at me?
241
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:49,520
Nah, you made some good points, and I'll
try to use them to better myself.
242
00:14:50,380 --> 00:14:52,760
Wow, that's a really positive attitude.
243
00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:55,060
So, you want to get back to studying?
244
00:14:55,620 --> 00:15:01,400
Well, I appreciate the offer, but you
told me to find another tutor, so I did.
245
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,180
Angela, now it's your turn.
246
00:15:10,850 --> 00:15:12,530
Laura. But I'm on a playground.
247
00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:14,350
Every one of those kids is worth 100
points.
248
00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:17,450
Get the fat kid with the juice box.
249
00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:22,410
Hey, why didn't anybody tell me that
Angela was up in Chris's bedroom?
250
00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:24,310
Oh, we thought it'd be funnier if you
found out for yourself.
251
00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:26,630
And it was.
252
00:15:29,710 --> 00:15:31,330
What's going on? Why is Angela here?
253
00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:32,830
Where's her shirt?
254
00:15:32,870 --> 00:15:33,749
Excuse me.
255
00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:36,330
Angela needs something cold to drink. Do
you know why?
256
00:15:36,610 --> 00:15:38,470
Because she's so hot.
257
00:15:49,260 --> 00:15:52,260
You know, bro, I gotta tell you. You
know, every now and then, I think about
258
00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:55,180
meeting a nice girl and starting a
family of my own.
259
00:15:57,140 --> 00:15:58,200
Then I come over here.
260
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:05,100
Gotta get back to school. Know why?
261
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:07,220
Because the teacher is so hot.
262
00:16:08,660 --> 00:16:09,740
Stop saying that!
263
00:16:10,020 --> 00:16:12,700
Why does it make you so hot?
264
00:16:33,290 --> 00:16:34,470
reproductive system.
265
00:16:47,110 --> 00:16:50,310
Actually, we were talking about the
Louisiana purchase.
266
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,160
why I put the towel under the door.
267
00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:12,618
That's right.
268
00:17:12,619 --> 00:17:13,940
I'm coming for you.
269
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,640
Sam!
270
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,060
Oh, Angela.
271
00:17:23,839 --> 00:17:24,839
What's going on?
272
00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:28,980
I have to warn you, Chris is just using
you to get back at me for calling him
273
00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:30,740
stupid. No, I'm not, Angela.
274
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,800
I need help with my learning.
275
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:35,700
Both need help.
276
00:17:35,940 --> 00:17:37,920
Angela! Angela, wait.
277
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:39,760
Wait a minute, Sam.
278
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:41,440
You're climbing the rope.
279
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:43,460
Huh?
280
00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:49,800
Oh, my God, get me down. No, don't stop
now. You're so close. Just focus on my
281
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,700
face and how much you want to punch it.
282
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:54,480
I do want to punch it.
283
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,260
That's right. Keep climbing, tacky
pants.
284
00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,760
Hey, look at Sam.
285
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,080
Yeah, he's doing it.
286
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,180
Yeah.
287
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:03,680
Lester walks in him.
288
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:15,739
Come on, Sam.
289
00:18:15,740 --> 00:18:19,140
I don't think I can make it. Come on.
One more. Just one more.
290
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,520
Grip and pull, son.
291
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:21,720
Grip and pull.
292
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,020
I did it.
293
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,600
Way to go, Sam.
294
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:34,300
Hey, I'm sorry I made fun of your brain.
295
00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:35,820
I'm sorry I called you a loser.
296
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,460
You said I was stupid.
297
00:18:38,860 --> 00:18:39,860
But you're not a loser.
298
00:18:48,590 --> 00:18:49,590
the ladder.
299
00:18:55,850 --> 00:18:57,290
Oh, sorry.
300
00:19:02,230 --> 00:19:04,870
So, Sam, how's the coccyx?
301
00:19:12,390 --> 00:19:13,530
It's feeling much better.
302
00:19:13,890 --> 00:19:16,450
It should. You spent the last three days
soaking in Angela's hot tub.
303
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,640
Falling two stories was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
304
00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:25,940
Guess who's back on the football team?
305
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:27,480
Did you pass the test?
306
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,300
No.
307
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,660
I changed the name on the back of my
jersey.
308
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:36,520
Rodriguez?
309
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,840
Did you come up with that idea all by
yourself?
310
00:19:41,620 --> 00:19:42,620
Yeah.
311
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:44,640
It's pretty clever. I wouldn't have
thought of that.
312
00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:49,480
Really? You're not just trying to...
boost my self -esteem again, are you?
313
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:50,920
No, I really mean it.
314
00:19:51,460 --> 00:19:53,900
So, you still think I could be
president?
315
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:56,400
President of Mexico.
316
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:02,640
Yeah, well, forget it, amigo. You're not
playing on that team unless you earn
317
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:03,640
it.
318
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,240
What?
319
00:20:11,980 --> 00:20:13,280
How are you speaking Spanish?
320
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:17,020
Coach said I had to learn it if I want
to pull off this Rodriguez scam.
321
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:22,400
Come on, I think we all know that a
sports scholarship is my only shot at
322
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:27,540
college. All right, you can play.
323
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:30,780
I'll use your college fund to buy a
bigger boat.
324
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:34,700
Meatballs?
325
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,040
Pull!
326
00:20:38,940 --> 00:20:40,580
Shut up and eat your linguine.
24023
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