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1
00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:04,730
You want to talk the greatest of all
time.
2
00:00:05,450 --> 00:00:10,210
The fifth Land Before Time was the
quintessential Land Before Time. You're
3
00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:10,989
an asshole.
4
00:00:10,990 --> 00:00:16,030
All right, it's the third film. Oh,
everyone says the third. Yeah, because
5
00:00:16,030 --> 00:00:19,970
got the raptors in it and the
pterodactyl in it. It's got kind of nice
6
00:00:19,990 --> 00:00:23,190
I'm just saying I've seen hundreds of
kids' movies. I have sat through hours.
7
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:27,270
You don't even watch the movies. All
right, you sit there. You stare at a
8
00:00:27,270 --> 00:00:28,550
butt. Sometimes they're ugly.
9
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:32,940
And you've got to sit through the whole
film and wait for the next batch to come
10
00:00:32,940 --> 00:00:36,060
in. You know, my mom used to drop me off
at the theater by myself all the time.
11
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,140
And I'm just really glad that I never
ran into you. Wait a minute. Where did
12
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,280
grow up? Because I was crazy about
redheads.
13
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,340
No, I would have remembered that.
14
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,460
Maybe you blocked it out.
15
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:52,420
The mind is very incredible when it
comes to erasing traumatic memories.
16
00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,420
Ask anyone I've ever made love to. Hey!
17
00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:59,070
Abbott and Fat Stella, quit grab -assing
and get back to work.
18
00:00:59,270 --> 00:01:02,390
I can only gut the souls that are in
front of me, Mr. Bossman.
19
00:01:02,650 --> 00:01:06,010
So rather than get a supervisor, you
just shoot the shit for three hours?
20
00:01:06,010 --> 00:01:09,930
got a movie blog. I know he has a movie
blog. You're right about Land Before
21
00:01:09,930 --> 00:01:10,930
Time 5.
22
00:01:11,270 --> 00:01:12,270
Excellent foot.
23
00:01:13,910 --> 00:01:15,310
Must be a blockage.
24
00:01:15,670 --> 00:01:16,870
Oh, God.
25
00:01:17,430 --> 00:01:22,190
Must be a couple of 660 -pound learning
chattel fatties just gumming up the
26
00:01:22,190 --> 00:01:23,190
works.
27
00:01:29,620 --> 00:01:31,500
Well, here's your problem right there.
28
00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:35,720
Yeah, obviously. There's a huge beaver
dam blocking the river Styx.
29
00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:39,520
Look at that. They're so cute. They've
got like a little community. Just grab
30
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:42,060
the dynamite. Let's blow this shit up.
Yeah, let's annihilate it. Wait!
31
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,000
I need those beavers.
32
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:46,480
We must not hurt the beavers.
33
00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:48,660
What do you give a shit about beavers,
Dr. Mengele?
34
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:52,900
Carrie, look at this rag.
35
00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:55,320
I can't really see it because it's
all...
36
00:02:01,759 --> 00:02:03,340
What have you done to me?
37
00:02:03,580 --> 00:02:04,479
Don't worry.
38
00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,260
What have you done to me? Everything's
fine.
39
00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:09,680
I just sewed your head onto a beaver
body. Oh, my God.
40
00:02:11,580 --> 00:02:14,560
What did you do to Claude, my best
friend? What did you do?
41
00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:19,060
Nothing. I'm fine. I know not to look at
a rag when a Nazi shoves it in my face.
42
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:20,360
You look sweaty, Claude.
43
00:02:20,810 --> 00:02:23,730
You sure you wouldn't like to take a
shower? I have a shower.
44
00:02:23,990 --> 00:02:27,410
For the last time, Dr. Mengele, I'm not
interested and I never will be. Oh,
45
00:02:27,410 --> 00:02:31,150
don't be like that. It feels so good.
You sure you wouldn't like it? Not
46
00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:35,810
interested. Oh, give it a go. No, thank
you. It has one of those pulsating
47
00:02:35,810 --> 00:02:38,550
muscles. Ah, shit. You're being very
polite about it, but no.
48
00:02:38,790 --> 00:02:43,050
The water is refreshing. No, it's not.
You love it. Thank you, but no thanks.
49
00:02:43,190 --> 00:02:44,510
You're welcome, but please.
50
00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:48,690
No. I want a shower. You're not allowed
to take a shower because I'm just
51
00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:53,970
spraying you with some very potent
beaver pheromone. That's beaver piss.
52
00:02:53,970 --> 00:02:56,770
want you to run into the beaver dam.
53
00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:01,200
and shake it around a little bit. You
know, the way the beavers like it. And
54
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:06,280
then you run out of there on your little
beaver legs and you lure them into
55
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,280
these cages.
56
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,100
I hate to break it to you, Dr. Mengele,
but nobody's going to want to have sex
57
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:14,020
with that, not even an animal. I'm sick
of your criticisms, Claude. Benji said
58
00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:18,320
if I was 20 years younger, he'd have no
problems molesting me. All right?
59
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,060
So put me in, coach.
60
00:03:20,380 --> 00:03:21,380
Yeah.
61
00:03:25,390 --> 00:03:27,810
You have to at least admit that
Spielberg's a great director.
62
00:03:29,050 --> 00:03:31,770
Who? Oh, God, they're following me! Oh,
God!
63
00:03:36,570 --> 00:03:37,570
Dr.
64
00:03:46,570 --> 00:03:49,090
Mengele? Are you cloning Hitler?
65
00:03:49,450 --> 00:03:50,450
What?
66
00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:52,590
You're crazy!
67
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,940
Just because I'm German, everything's
Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.
68
00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:58,040
That's very hurtful.
69
00:03:58,240 --> 00:03:59,720
You're wearing the armband.
70
00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:03,040
That is heritage, not hate.
71
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:07,980
Look, everyone loves pure adrenaline
thrill rides.
72
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,120
Why not pure racist men?
73
00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:16,100
People are so PC these days. Hitler
wasn't like that. He would speak his
74
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:17,760
He was a great man.
75
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,000
He deserves to be clothed.
76
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:22,650
But I'm definitely not trying to clone
Hitler.
77
00:04:27,090 --> 00:04:30,050
I knew it. You're cloning Hitler.
78
00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:34,430
No, no, no, no, no. Why would Hitler
hire himself?
79
00:04:35,470 --> 00:04:42,330
I'm going to give you a T -shirt. I know
you people love free gaudy
80
00:04:42,330 --> 00:04:44,650
trinkets. The Fourth Reich, Reich back.
81
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:50,460
We would be required to wear that if we
were ever to take over hell, which we
82
00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:56,620
are definitely not doing. Right. Okay.
I'm going to get and I actually left my
83
00:04:56,620 --> 00:05:00,320
fiddler on the roof. So adios. Have a
good one.
84
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,160
What?
85
00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:12,360
Be sure to tell your Satan we are not
cloning Hitler to take over hell with a
86
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:13,360
giant robot.
87
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,440
Okay, well, good luck not cloning
Hitler.
88
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:17,280
Mangala is cloning Hitler.
89
00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:18,259
Oh, cool.
90
00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:22,520
That should be fun. He told me to tell
you that he has no interest in invading
91
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:27,260
hell, which is exactly what they told
Poland and Czechoslovakia and Russia. So
92
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,660
you've come to Satan to stop the
genocide.
93
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:32,660
When you put it that way, it sounds
silly.
94
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:34,540
Hey, uh...
95
00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:38,830
Where's my body? Because I don't want to
eat any more wood, and I don't want to
96
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:42,230
be forcibly group -sexed by animals
anymore.
97
00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:46,250
But how would you lead the army of Aryan
beavers in the overthrow of hell?
98
00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:50,230
Well, that's something I'm not going to
do, because that is something that we
99
00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:51,230
did not discuss.
100
00:05:51,270 --> 00:05:55,650
It may have escaped, because I attached
the beaver's head to your body.
101
00:05:55,910 --> 00:05:59,210
You'll just sew any two goddamn things
together, won't you?
102
00:05:59,770 --> 00:06:02,230
Gary, give me back my three -hole punch.
103
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:08,200
Hold it. Okay. You can just... No, you
can add it to your home.
104
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:14,180
Mein Führer. Yeah, yeah. Would you like
to make a rousing speech to inspire our
105
00:06:14,180 --> 00:06:17,580
loyalists to rise up against the demon
oppressors?
106
00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:19,580
Yeah.
107
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:29,580
No, no, no, you talk into it. I know
history, Bob, but Hitler's only supposed
108
00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:30,579
have two arms.
109
00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:36,080
I had some left over. I gave him ten
testicles. Stop playing with your
110
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:42,340
testicles! Stop that now! Because you
will pay for the shot!
111
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,020
Maybe you should be piloting the short
-and -furter.
112
00:07:37,049 --> 00:07:38,049
Satan? Doc?
113
00:07:39,290 --> 00:07:42,210
Gary? I'm not part of this shit. We've
come for your surrender.
114
00:07:43,110 --> 00:07:46,190
Here are our terms. Okay.
115
00:07:48,590 --> 00:07:51,510
Bow down to the Fuhrer.
116
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:54,890
You got it?
117
00:07:55,010 --> 00:08:00,930
Yeah, and I'd also like some of those
porno discs where the woman takes the
118
00:08:00,930 --> 00:08:01,930
on the man.
119
00:08:03,490 --> 00:08:04,550
Yeah, we got some of those.
120
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:06,840
Is that the Fuhrer?
121
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:12,540
No, don't play with your buck! This
goofy shit's been going on all
122
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,660
No, stay right there!
123
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:15,720
It's too high! No!
124
00:08:18,020 --> 00:08:19,020
No!
125
00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:28,600
Right into the acid fountain. I just had
that
126
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:29,599
put in last night.
127
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,260
Oh, well.
128
00:08:35,370 --> 00:08:37,650
Buddy, you don't got to cry. You got the
arm.
129
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:41,450
We can clone another Hitler. I don't
know why you keep cloning Hitler anyway.
130
00:08:41,590 --> 00:08:42,489
You know he's here.
131
00:08:42,490 --> 00:08:43,830
What do you mean?
132
00:08:45,570 --> 00:08:47,370
Adolf Hitler is here.
133
00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:48,650
That's impossible.
134
00:08:49,490 --> 00:08:52,770
He would have reached out to me. We were
good friends.
135
00:08:53,130 --> 00:08:54,130
Really?
136
00:08:57,510 --> 00:08:58,510
Joseph?
137
00:08:59,350 --> 00:09:00,350
Thank you.
138
00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:01,490
No, Joseph.
139
00:09:02,450 --> 00:09:03,930
I am no longer that man.
140
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,700
I changed my name to Cody St.
141
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:07,980
Clair.
142
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,800
It's an anagram for Adolf Hitler.
143
00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:11,300
No, it's not. I'm rebranding myself.
144
00:09:11,540 --> 00:09:14,460
You probably could start with shaving
the mustache, so, I mean, that's where I
145
00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:18,580
would start. But I've been building the
forthright in your name. What about...
146
00:09:18,580 --> 00:09:19,579
No, I know.
147
00:09:19,580 --> 00:09:21,420
I moved on, Joseph. People change.
148
00:09:21,980 --> 00:09:25,460
When they pour fire ants up your dick
hole for 70 years, you have time to
149
00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:26,460
reflect.
150
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:29,580
I learned that we have to love one
another.
151
00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:31,560
Because...
152
00:09:36,490 --> 00:09:37,750
I think he's trying to save me.
153
00:09:37,950 --> 00:09:39,570
Claude! Claude, I'm okay.
154
00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:42,190
Claude, stop shooting.
155
00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:45,350
I'm telling him I'm okay and there's
still bullets.
156
00:09:46,510 --> 00:09:47,870
Transform into Beaver Man.
157
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,810
Go, Gary, go.
158
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,590
Transform.
159
00:09:51,790 --> 00:09:52,910
This is not working.
160
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:54,750
Let's see, next thing.
161
00:09:55,390 --> 00:10:00,190
Oh, yes. I am promoting beaver -headed
Gary Body to senior vice president in
162
00:10:00,190 --> 00:10:03,430
charge of splinters, so you'll be
reporting to him directly, Gary -headed
163
00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:05,070
Body. He's not management material.
164
00:10:06,030 --> 00:10:08,370
He's just dark shit all day. He doesn't
talk back.
165
00:10:08,570 --> 00:10:10,090
He's showing his damn table.
166
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:17,330
Knock, knock. I just wanted to apologize
again for cloning Hitler
167
00:10:17,330 --> 00:10:24,010
and putting him inside a giant alien
robot and trying to take over
168
00:10:24,010 --> 00:10:25,010
hell.
169
00:10:26,650 --> 00:10:30,370
So I've made some gifts as a kind of
apology.
170
00:10:30,590 --> 00:10:33,790
There's a candle made from talon.
171
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,780
No Jewish tallow, random tallow.
172
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:41,500
And there's some soap for the shower.
173
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,960
This is wonderful. Totally uncalled for.
174
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:46,280
Now, shut up. Yeah, yeah.
175
00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:48,620
It's great.
176
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,420
I never noticed the shower heads in the
ceiling before.
177
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:00,360
Door's locked.
178
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,100
And that's your clone?
179
00:11:06,180 --> 00:11:07,740
Satan! Satan!
180
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,200
Yes?
181
00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:11,980
What you talking about, Mandela?
13918
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