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All language subtitles for Tommy Cooper 1978 s01e03 September 25, 1978

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,720 Ladies and gentlemen, it's Cooper. 2 00:00:15,660 --> 00:00:17,400 Just like that. 3 00:01:57,070 --> 00:01:58,090 I don't know anything about that. 4 00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:04,510 Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to tell you something now. I invented this. 5 00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:06,210 Fine invention. 6 00:02:06,530 --> 00:02:10,850 You know sometimes when you go to the cinema, and people behind you keep 7 00:02:10,850 --> 00:02:13,770 all the time, and you can't listen to the film, can you? 8 00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:16,410 Right? 9 00:02:18,630 --> 00:02:20,850 That's quite true, isn't it? Wasn't there the next? 10 00:02:22,850 --> 00:02:23,850 Oh, yes. 11 00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:30,400 They've got to have it out there. But anyway, sometimes when you go to the 12 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:34,540 cinema, you want to watch it with the people behind you keep talking. So I 13 00:02:34,540 --> 00:02:36,900 thought of the idea to put that on. 14 00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:43,000 And then you can listen to the film. 15 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,220 Without people behind talking. 16 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:55,160 Then if you don't like the film, you can listen to the conversation. 17 00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:09,320 Do you know, I missed my cat nap today. I slept right through it. 18 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:16,720 I did really. 19 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:24,900 I don't know, I keep walking about here for like... You know, 20 00:03:24,980 --> 00:03:30,380 when you go to the... Because I like to go to the films. 21 00:03:31,589 --> 00:03:35,950 And you know when you go to the cinema scope, why, isn't it? 22 00:03:37,310 --> 00:03:43,450 And a man went once to the cinema scope, and you look like that all the time, 23 00:03:43,470 --> 00:03:44,470 don't you? 24 00:03:48,190 --> 00:03:49,970 And he did that, but he swallowed his head off. 25 00:03:55,290 --> 00:03:57,810 I'd like you now to show how versatile I am. 26 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,400 I'd like to give my impression of Romeo and Juliet. 27 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,160 Which I don't think Doug has ever seen before. 28 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:14,360 Romeo and Juliet, and I shall play both parts. 29 00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:20,220 Ah. 30 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:29,300 It's quite a bit. 31 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,500 I hear there was someone in your chambers last night. 32 00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:54,580 Yes, 33 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,280 there was. 34 00:06:12,860 --> 00:06:13,860 Lovely sisters. 35 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:15,680 You may have seen them before. 36 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:16,920 I think they're beautiful. 37 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,140 A nice big welcome to the Sisters Dawang. 38 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:50,480 She died when I was born We lived in a one room shanty But daddy tried to make 39 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:51,480 it a home 40 00:07:25,580 --> 00:07:30,560 Oh, by the time that I was ten years old, I had a little rockin' old band. 41 00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:35,420 And Daddy's eyes were growin' dead, but I didn't understand. 42 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:41,260 He would be so proud of me each time he'd hear us play. 43 00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:14,900 We didn't have much money, but things didn't seem so bad. 44 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:20,300 I felt just like the queen of the world when I was with my dad. 45 00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,930 Keep the bells a -ringing Spread your music from town 46 00:10:21,550 --> 00:10:24,390 All right, tell me a heavy word. Would you mind just taking a card, sir? 47 00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:27,030 Hold that card very tightly in your hand, right? 48 00:10:27,470 --> 00:10:28,470 And don't let it go. 49 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,440 Take it down. All 50 00:10:54,440 --> 00:11:08,420 right, 51 00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:09,420 all right, get her off. 52 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:15,320 Get her off. 53 00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:22,980 Get her off. 54 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:24,360 Here's this. 55 00:11:24,940 --> 00:11:25,940 What's with us? 56 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:30,780 Got any 57 00:11:30,780 --> 00:11:41,160 soap? 58 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,320 Soap! 59 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:50,800 A piece of avocado in half? 60 00:11:58,570 --> 00:11:59,570 Whee, like that. 61 00:11:59,890 --> 00:12:02,730 And now the rope will become one long piece of rope. 62 00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:04,310 I'm alive. 63 00:12:10,590 --> 00:12:12,830 And then, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to meet someone now. 64 00:12:14,810 --> 00:12:20,490 The great... The great saga 65 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:24,170 from Alabama. 66 00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:26,670 Oh, I'll do it, sir. 67 00:12:43,779 --> 00:12:46,280 He thinks what I think, and I think what he thinks. 68 00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:51,160 And while he's thinking what I'm thinking, I'm thinking what he's 69 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,660 And that's how we work together, hand in hand. 70 00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:58,660 Thinking to each other. 71 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:01,800 Are you? 72 00:13:07,060 --> 00:13:08,600 I'll speak to you when it's late in the tournament. 73 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,160 The whole arts department. 74 00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:16,200 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 75 00:13:19,020 --> 00:13:20,020 Oh, really? 76 00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:22,660 I didn't know that. 77 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,160 Surprise me. 78 00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:26,239 What's that? 79 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,240 Oh. 80 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,740 What is he going to do in a moment? 81 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,620 He's going to blindfold himself. 82 00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:40,020 And I will get one or two articles from the audience. 83 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,760 And then while he's thinking, 84 00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:47,860 about this, it would describe the articles. 85 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,200 Can I borrow something from the audience here? 86 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,420 Anybody else? 87 00:14:00,220 --> 00:14:00,820 As 88 00:14:00,820 --> 00:14:08,460 he 89 00:14:08,460 --> 00:14:11,160 doesn't speak English, he won't understand what I'm talking about. 90 00:14:21,390 --> 00:14:22,590 a cigarette, and a watch. 91 00:14:22,910 --> 00:14:23,910 He can't understand. 92 00:14:30,430 --> 00:14:34,810 Right? I will just speak to him once again in his native tongue. 93 00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:08,300 He's quite correct. 94 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:20,040 He just said that what I've got here from the 95 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,700 members of the audience is a wallet, 96 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,800 pack of cigarettes, and a watch. 97 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:27,440 Right here. 98 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,640 I'm going to take that now to the audience. 99 00:15:57,580 --> 00:15:58,279 really a trick. 100 00:15:58,280 --> 00:15:59,360 It's kind of an 101 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:05,560 observation. 102 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,820 It's a ball and cup. 103 00:16:17,020 --> 00:16:19,360 And what you have to do is to guess where the ball is. 104 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:20,700 Now do that. 105 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,900 Is it in my pocket or is it under the cup? 106 00:16:26,540 --> 00:16:27,540 Oh, you say so. 107 00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:29,540 Under the cup, you're quite right. 108 00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:39,220 I'll do it again. 109 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,300 Is it under the cup or in my pocket? 110 00:16:49,260 --> 00:16:50,760 In the pocket, you're quite right, madam. 111 00:16:58,220 --> 00:16:59,220 Now, where is it now? 112 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:01,399 On top. 113 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,400 Look at that. 114 00:17:05,780 --> 00:17:06,780 Thank you. 115 00:17:08,140 --> 00:17:15,119 I put it in my 116 00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:16,119 pocket like this. 117 00:17:18,940 --> 00:17:20,460 Take it through. Hold that, sir. 118 00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:22,920 Throw it towards the cup. 119 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:58,640 When you walk through the storm, hold your head up high 120 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:05,040 and don't be afraid of 121 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,900 the dark. 122 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,340 Don't be afraid of the dark. 8214