All language subtitles for Tommy Cooper 1970 s01e08 March 28, 1970
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1
00:00:01,980 --> 00:00:06,720
Señor, according to tradition, you are
permitted to smoke one last cigarette
2
00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:07,980
before you die.
3
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,260
No, thanks. I'd rather smoke my own.
4
00:00:10,820 --> 00:00:11,820
Good night.
5
00:00:36,590 --> 00:00:38,050
Thank you very much, ladies and
gentlemen. Thank you very much.
6
00:00:40,270 --> 00:00:42,290
Here's a little trick now. Empty there,
empty there.
7
00:00:42,490 --> 00:00:44,410
One pipe, two pipes. What have I got?
8
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:45,870
Bagpipes.
9
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,690
Here's a trick now with a magic wand.
Look, solid magic wand there like that.
10
00:00:58,110 --> 00:00:59,190
I feel very tired tonight.
11
00:00:59,490 --> 00:01:00,550
Very tired. I do, really.
12
00:01:00,990 --> 00:01:02,490
My wife couldn't close her eyes all
night.
13
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,849
She couldn't. She put her eyelashes on
backwards.
14
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:12,320
Here's a quick joke.
15
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,580
There's a man in a country lane with
snow.
16
00:01:14,780 --> 00:01:15,780
He's in snow up to there.
17
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:16,960
Up to there he is, like that.
18
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:18,559
See?
19
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:19,560
Snow, like that.
20
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,420
And a man walks up to him and he says,
poor dear, oh dear.
21
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,800
Just like that. He said, don't worry. He
said, you're in a bit of trouble. I'll
22
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:27,800
get a shovel and get you out.
23
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,140
And the man said, thank you very much.
He said, get a big one. He said, I'm
24
00:01:31,140 --> 00:01:32,140
sitting on a horse.
25
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:41,540
It's a little trick now, look.
26
00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:45,080
Magic wand there, like that. Just solid
magic wand.
27
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:49,420
You wrap it in a tissue paper, like
that.
28
00:01:52,220 --> 00:01:53,220
There, like that.
29
00:02:15,789 --> 00:02:18,970
It disappears there. It goes right round
this, right round here, right round
30
00:02:18,970 --> 00:02:21,350
that, right round that, right round
that, right round that, and it comes on
31
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:22,350
here. There you have it.
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00:02:25,890 --> 00:02:26,890
Only one.
33
00:02:33,270 --> 00:02:34,270
Only one, only one.
34
00:02:36,810 --> 00:02:40,580
And I use a little trick now. You see it
here, the flower. will slowly grow like
35
00:02:40,580 --> 00:02:41,660
that. Slowly grow.
36
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,640
It's a beautiful effect. All the flowers
just come out of there like that.
37
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,500
This was made famous by Dante, a
magician.
38
00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:50,480
And all the great magicians are dead.
39
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,800
Houdini's dead, Horace Golden's dead,
Dante's dead. They're all dead.
40
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,400
I don't feel so good myself.
41
00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:58,880
Up they come.
42
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:25,560
Pipe of peace.
43
00:03:25,780 --> 00:03:26,780
Piece of pipe.
44
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,620
Here's a straight line with a piece of
rope here like this. Look.
45
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:36,140
Piece of rope. See the knot in the
centre?
46
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,020
I'm a bit nervous with this.
47
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,080
Look, even the rope's afraid.
48
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,360
Where did he get them from? I don't
know.
49
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,220
Just go there like that. Do that there
like that.
50
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,480
And you take the knot.
51
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:52,840
Like that there.
52
00:03:53,580 --> 00:03:54,478
There like that.
53
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:55,480
And here's the knot there.
54
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,520
Then you go like that.
55
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,320
And it comes up there.
56
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,240
You go like that.
57
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,340
Gone. And here's the knot there.
58
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:08,340
Thank you.
59
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:19,640
It comes out. It rises
60
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:20,740
right up. It looks lovely, really.
61
00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:33,770
There was an Irishman, a Mexican and a
German taking prisoners.
62
00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:35,630
See? I don't know where, they were just
taking prisoners.
63
00:04:36,990 --> 00:04:38,530
And they were ordered to be flogged.
64
00:04:38,850 --> 00:04:42,850
See? So they said to the Mexican, you
can have anything on your back, what you
65
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:43,850
like to ease the pain.
66
00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:46,090
So he said, olive oil, the best.
67
00:04:46,650 --> 00:04:48,170
So they rubbed it all over his back like
that.
68
00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:52,630
And they got the whip and they went,
crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch,
69
00:04:52,670 --> 00:04:53,670
crunch.
70
00:04:54,350 --> 00:04:55,590
I'll put that extra crunch in.
71
00:04:58,310 --> 00:05:00,370
And he flopped on the floor and they
dragged him out.
72
00:05:01,330 --> 00:05:03,230
There was a German's turn, and he stood
there like that.
73
00:05:04,130 --> 00:05:05,790
And they said, what do you want on your
back? He said, nine.
74
00:05:06,830 --> 00:05:07,830
That means nothing, doesn't it?
75
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,950
So they got their way, crunch, crunch,
crunch, crunch, like that.
76
00:05:13,690 --> 00:05:15,910
And he just stood there, he didn't blink
an eyelid, didn't blink an eyelid.
77
00:05:16,610 --> 00:05:19,050
There was an Irishman's turn. They said,
what do you want on your back? He said,
78
00:05:19,090 --> 00:05:20,090
I'll have the German.
79
00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:34,260
Your partner's pit. Look, I'm in a
little bit of trouble.
80
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,000
You look like Vincent Price.
81
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:37,520
Me? Yes.
82
00:05:37,660 --> 00:05:39,220
Oh, no, he's a much younger man.
83
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:44,080
So, you see, I'm in a little bit of
trouble, sir. I've lost my wallet. I
84
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:47,360
have misplaced it, left it in my pants
or something else, you know. And I've
85
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:50,520
a taxi out there, and the driver's
waiting to be paid. Can you help me?
86
00:05:50,860 --> 00:05:52,840
Certainly. Of course I can. Oh, thank
you.
87
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:54,280
We are. What are friends for?
88
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:56,220
I mean, anyone can lose a wallet.
89
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:57,480
Sure. Of course they can.
90
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,380
Here we are. They're mine. Oh, thank
you.
91
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:12,440
Where are you from? I'm from Texas in
the United States of America.
92
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:17,020
Oh, Texas? Yes, sir. I hear that you
have a big ranch up there. Oh, yeah, I
93
00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:22,940
a big ranch. It's the XYZ Polo and
Pleasure Riding Ranch of Southeastern
94
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:24,800
Is that the name?
95
00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:26,180
No, that's the brand.
96
00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:28,820
Do you have many cattle?
97
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,440
Very few survive the brand.
98
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:39,360
You know, your face is familiar. You're
a famous prestidigitator, ain't you?
99
00:06:39,420 --> 00:06:41,280
You're very famous with all those card
tricks.
100
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:42,720
Look, I've got a card trick.
101
00:06:43,260 --> 00:06:47,100
I've got a real card trick. Would you
think of any card in the whole deck,
102
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,600
Yeah, I'm thinking. You got it? Yeah. Is
it a spade?
103
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,059
Yeah. Huh?
104
00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:53,220
Yeah. Is it a six?
105
00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:55,400
No, sorry, it's a seven.
106
00:06:57,290 --> 00:06:58,910
Yeah, what's a spot among friends?
107
00:07:02,850 --> 00:07:04,110
Oh, thank you.
108
00:07:07,690 --> 00:07:08,050
You
109
00:07:08,050 --> 00:07:15,850
know,
110
00:07:17,610 --> 00:07:18,610
I strained my back.
111
00:07:19,010 --> 00:07:22,190
I had, I was playing piggyback when I
was a little boy, and I fell off.
112
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,200
What?
113
00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:20,050
from the cinema.
114
00:08:20,850 --> 00:08:24,390
Tonight we bring you some of the most
memorable scenes from Hollywood's
115
00:08:24,390 --> 00:08:26,130
and most successful films.
116
00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:29,670
Films from what was truly the cinema's
golden age.
117
00:08:32,409 --> 00:08:33,409
It's quiet.
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00:08:34,350 --> 00:08:35,350
Very quiet.
119
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,750
Yeah, very quiet.
120
00:08:40,210 --> 00:08:41,929
I don't like it when it's too quiet.
121
00:08:44,550 --> 00:08:45,610
Neither do I.
122
00:08:46,950 --> 00:08:47,970
Neither do I.
123
00:08:58,410 --> 00:08:59,410
I'm a gunslinger.
124
00:09:00,930 --> 00:09:02,950
Okay, mate, I'll relieve you. Now you
can up it.
125
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:06,570
About time, too.
126
00:09:08,990 --> 00:09:10,290
Hey, Luke, what is it?
127
00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:12,650
It's either the Texas Rangers or the
Indians.
128
00:09:30,410 --> 00:09:31,410
I've bought it.
129
00:09:31,730 --> 00:09:33,930
I've finally bought it. You have?
130
00:09:34,370 --> 00:09:35,870
This foxhole is mine.
131
00:09:36,850 --> 00:09:38,070
Get out. What do you mean?
132
00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:39,309
I said get out, it's mine.
133
00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:42,010
What am I supposed to do? I don't care
where you go, get out. This is mine.
134
00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:44,330
I've bought it.
135
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:45,370
No, Jesse, no.
136
00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:47,230
No, no. No, Jesse.
137
00:09:48,010 --> 00:09:49,130
Jesse, no, no.
138
00:09:50,070 --> 00:09:51,070
No.
139
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,790
Well, that's what we always seem to
find.
140
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:57,110
People just won't swap their packet of
Blitzer.
141
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:15,880
He didn't draw fast enough.
142
00:10:22,740 --> 00:10:23,739
Morning, Billy.
143
00:10:23,740 --> 00:10:24,740
Morning, Jesse.
144
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,360
Hello?
145
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,240
For you, sir.
146
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:37,340
Is it Sergeant McSavish of the Dundee
Highlanders? It must be. He'll reverse
147
00:10:37,340 --> 00:10:38,340
charges.
148
00:10:39,860 --> 00:10:43,120
Who'll be that new fireman getting on
with the A -making, Ethan?
149
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,320
Marvellous, absolutely marvellous. I've
never seen such a greatest man with a
150
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,540
pitchfork. Oh, here he comes now.
151
00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:54,240
Ooh, it's hotter than hell in that hay
field.
152
00:10:57,980 --> 00:10:58,440
Come
153
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:05,680
in.
154
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:09,640
You want to see me, Head?
155
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:11,300
Yes.
156
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:42,520
To Betsy, if this ain't the most
beautiful morning that ever did shine on
157
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:47,220
riverboat moored in the Mississippi,
then my name ain't Beauregard Price.
158
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:54,100
A bankrupt plantation owner who is
presently engaged in trying to marry off
159
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:59,440
daughter who is so ugly, every time she
makes up, the lipstick draws back into
160
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:00,440
the tube.
161
00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:02,560
Bartender. Sir.
162
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:06,560
I think I'll have me a Bloody Mary,
please, with real blood.
163
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,320
I gotta stop playing them horror
pictures.
164
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:14,560
Make it a whiskey, huh? Certainly, sir.
Single or double? Double.
165
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,100
With ice or without? With.
166
00:12:16,420 --> 00:12:18,440
100 proof or 85 proof? 100.
167
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:23,360
Soda or water? Water. Bourbon or rye?
Forget it. I ain't thirsty anymore.
168
00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:26,260
Well.
169
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:32,900
Well, well, well. If it ain't my
daughter, Samantha, who I haven't seen
170
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:35,680
she was about that high.
171
00:12:36,730 --> 00:12:41,230
And who I have brought down south so
that she can marry a rich husband.
172
00:12:41,710 --> 00:12:44,970
Forgive that, but somebody's got to tell
this silly plot.
173
00:12:45,510 --> 00:12:46,890
How are you, old daddy?
174
00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:48,330
Glad to see me.
175
00:12:48,570 --> 00:12:51,010
Oh, of course I am, honey child.
176
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:56,570
You know, I can't believe it. My little
ugly duckling has grown up into a great
177
00:12:56,570 --> 00:12:57,990
big ugly duck.
178
00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:05,350
You know, Samantha, we've got to find
you a man who is suave and worldly and
179
00:13:05,350 --> 00:13:07,470
sophisticated and distinguished.
180
00:13:08,430 --> 00:13:09,430
Yes, sir.
181
00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:14,550
And here he comes. I can just feel him
coming in, I guess.
182
00:13:21,570 --> 00:13:23,470
I'll be coming round the mountain when
she comes.
183
00:13:23,950 --> 00:13:25,570
I'll be coming round the mountain when
she comes.
184
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:28,620
I'll be coming round the mountain.
Coming round the mountain. Coming round
185
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:29,620
mountain when she comes.
186
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,480
I don't know why she lives upstairs.
187
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,260
Allow me to introduce myself.
188
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:40,640
I am Colonel Beauregard Price, and this
is my daughter, Samantha, who is the
189
00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:41,880
apple of my eye.
190
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:47,100
An apple of your eye? She looks like an
old Granny Smith.
191
00:13:48,580 --> 00:13:53,740
Sir, my name... is E .K .O.
192
00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:55,620
Hasegai.
193
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:56,880
A gilliguddy.
194
00:13:57,300 --> 00:14:00,020
Is that right? Well, how do you spell
it?
195
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:01,340
Wrong all the time.
196
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:06,800
It's just a little joke.
197
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,300
I don't think I ever heard a littler
one.
198
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,080
Oh, Daddy, he's gorgeous.
199
00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:14,060
I want him for my husband.
200
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:16,640
What's your husband? What about me?
201
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,300
Samantha, straighten up. Throw out your
chest.
202
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,060
That's my girl.
203
00:14:22,220 --> 00:14:23,220
And that face as well.
204
00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:27,290
There. My daughter is unattached.
205
00:14:27,810 --> 00:14:28,810
Unattached? She's coming apart.
206
00:14:30,010 --> 00:14:35,990
My daughter, I repeat, is unmarried.
Now, what steps are you going to take?
207
00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:41,470
Long ones. Oh, you don't. Now, you
listen to me, sir. You are not getting
208
00:14:41,470 --> 00:14:44,050
younger. Now, time is running out.
209
00:14:44,310 --> 00:14:49,610
Me too. No, sir. Now, don't press my...
Don't press me. I have it. I have it.
210
00:14:49,870 --> 00:14:50,950
The cards.
211
00:14:51,310 --> 00:14:54,130
The cards? Yes, sir. How about a little
shuffle, huh?
212
00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:59,620
Got me a live one this time.
213
00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:03,260
Come on, sir, won't you sit down,
please? Of course.
214
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,660
And just to make this game a little more
interesting, huh, why don't we play for
215
00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:09,200
some interesting stakes?
216
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:15,620
Now, what I mean is, sir, that if you
lose, you marry my daughter, and if you
217
00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:18,340
win, you become my son -in -law.
218
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,220
Well, that sounds fair.
219
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,040
Yes. Now, will you cut, sir?
220
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:25,880
Yes, there we go.
221
00:15:30,699 --> 00:15:32,080
Now, what shall we play?
222
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,660
Well, how about a little poker? All
right.
223
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:36,440
Ouch!
224
00:15:37,260 --> 00:15:38,460
Oh, that hurt.
225
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:39,920
That was cruel.
226
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,160
Why, I wouldn't do a thing like that
even to Peter Cushing.
227
00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:47,360
Who's Peter Cushing?
228
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:48,800
Would you say that again?
229
00:15:49,140 --> 00:15:51,260
I said, who's Peter Cushing? Bless you,
boy.
230
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,620
Do you know, I love a game of cards.
231
00:15:55,930 --> 00:15:57,750
Beauregard? Oh, just call me Beau.
232
00:15:58,390 --> 00:15:59,650
Beau? How do you spell it?
233
00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:00,990
B -O.
234
00:16:02,530 --> 00:16:07,310
Oh, I had dropped an earring. I will go
under the table and pick it up.
235
00:16:08,910 --> 00:16:12,070
Well, now, let's get on with the game.
Uh -oh.
236
00:16:12,470 --> 00:16:16,090
Sir, let me see now. What time is it?
237
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,350
Oh.
238
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,010
Twillion's just passed on.
239
00:16:21,870 --> 00:16:25,430
Now, let's get on with the game. First,
I want to see your steak.
240
00:16:25,770 --> 00:16:27,690
My steak. All right. Here we are.
241
00:16:27,910 --> 00:16:33,370
Oh, take that away. Take that away. I
don't like steak ever since somebody
242
00:16:33,370 --> 00:16:35,410
one through my cotton -picking heart.
243
00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:38,410
Now, I mean your money, sir, your money.
Oh, money. There we are.
244
00:16:38,690 --> 00:16:39,770
Oh, yeah.
245
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:43,970
Well, let's see now. Yeah, that just
makes us about even.
246
00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:47,270
There we go. Now, what do you got, huh?
247
00:16:47,470 --> 00:16:48,950
Well, I got Mr. Bundabaker.
248
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,960
They told me this was the Gladys Cooper
show.
249
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:59,640
Excuse me, sir. Would you mind holding
your card still so I can focus my mirror
250
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:00,640
on them?
251
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:02,179
Somebody's cheating.
252
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:05,440
Cheating? Cheating? How dare you say
that, sir? Samantha, come out from under
253
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,579
that table. Somebody just called your
daddy a cheat.
254
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,579
Why, sir, where I come from, we don't
allow anybody to get away with that.
255
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,040
Us cheats have our pride.
256
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,500
Do that again.
257
00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:19,940
He does everything I say.
258
00:17:21,190 --> 00:17:22,890
Do you have a second?
259
00:17:23,190 --> 00:17:24,189
A second what?
260
00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:28,470
Oh, never mind. Samantha will officiate.
Get me the weapons, Samantha.
261
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:31,010
Stand back to back.
262
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:34,250
Take three paces. Turn and fire.
263
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:35,470
I shall count.
264
00:17:35,610 --> 00:17:40,410
One, two... I shot him. How's that?
265
00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:44,890
Sir, you were supposed to wait until the
count of three.
266
00:17:45,510 --> 00:17:47,230
Well, one and two is three.
267
00:17:54,090 --> 00:17:56,810
interview time, and in our studio this
evening we have with us one of the most
268
00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:59,410
colourful characters from the pages of
British history.
269
00:17:59,630 --> 00:18:03,450
The famous, nay, infamous highwayman,
Dick Turpin.
270
00:18:29,350 --> 00:18:30,890
Good evening, sir. Good evening.
271
00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:32,430
Now then, sir.
272
00:18:38,310 --> 00:18:39,530
Very good. Thank you.
273
00:18:40,810 --> 00:18:45,070
Now, sir, tell us, first of all, tell us
about your antecedents.
274
00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:48,450
Oh, they won first prize in the Chelsea
Flower Show.
275
00:18:49,230 --> 00:18:50,570
I mean about your family.
276
00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:53,560
They were all farming folk, weren't
they, from Essex? Oh, yeah, they were,
277
00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:57,440
yes. It's a lovely county, lovely
county. Oh, yes, it's got the softest
278
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,060
the heaviest rainfall. And what's the
main product?
279
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:00,300
Mud.
280
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,100
Tell me, Mr. Turbin, is it true... I
won, I won. Go on.
281
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:10,300
Is it true that in your youth you showed
criminal tendencies?
282
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:11,399
I did.
283
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,000
You did? Oh, I did, I did, I did.
284
00:19:14,050 --> 00:19:17,070
I used to pinch sweets from other kids.
Oh, yes, I used to pinch them all the
285
00:19:17,070 --> 00:19:19,190
time. I used to stuff them in my
trousers pocket like that.
286
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:20,470
That's how I got my own nickname.
287
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:21,369
What's that?
288
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:22,370
Smarty Pants.
289
00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:26,830
And then when you were 16, you joined
the army. Why did you do that? Well, I
290
00:19:26,830 --> 00:19:27,830
needed the money. What for?
291
00:19:27,950 --> 00:19:28,950
To buy myself out.
292
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:35,550
And things were pretty difficult for
you, weren't they, when you were young?
293
00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:38,230
well, they were, yes, because we were
starving, you know. Really? Oh,
294
00:19:38,230 --> 00:19:42,170
starving. I should never get the sad
look on my mother and father's face when
295
00:19:42,170 --> 00:19:43,170
sewed their bed.
296
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:44,180
They were in tears?
297
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:45,320
No, they were in the bed.
298
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:51,080
Mr Turpin, how could you do such a
heartless thing?
299
00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:53,420
Well, I had to.
300
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,380
Because I did have a penny, you see. Oh,
I see.
301
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:57,760
I mean,
302
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,760
surely you had a little bit put aside
for a rainy day.
303
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:02,639
I did.
304
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:03,900
But she didn't have any money either.
305
00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:09,580
Then after leaving the army, you became
a horse thief. Why did you give that up?
306
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:11,690
Well, because the horses had no money,
you see. I see.
307
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:19,910
And then at the tender age of 18, you
joined up with the notorious highwayman
308
00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:20,829
Tom King.
309
00:20:20,830 --> 00:20:24,510
Now, tell us, what was Tom King really
like? A very, very strange man.
310
00:20:24,830 --> 00:20:26,570
Was he? Oh, very strange. Didn't trust
anybody.
311
00:20:26,830 --> 00:20:29,090
Really? He used to make his own shadow
walk in front of him.
312
00:20:31,290 --> 00:20:38,190
And he was so crooked, he had to screw
his socks on. He did, really. I
313
00:20:38,190 --> 00:20:39,190
shall never forget once.
314
00:20:39,260 --> 00:20:43,460
I was sitting there in this little
hideout of mine, you see, and I was
315
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:46,040
the loot, and he poked his head around
the corner.
316
00:20:46,420 --> 00:20:47,420
What do you think of that?
317
00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:51,020
I'm sorry, I don't see anything strange
about poking your head around the
318
00:20:51,020 --> 00:20:52,580
corner. What, on the end of a stick?
319
00:20:55,560 --> 00:21:02,000
Now, for three years, the Bow Street
runners tried...
320
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:23,980
street runners tried in vain to find
you, didn't they? Oh, yes!
321
00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:29,160
They were searching all over the place
for me. All over, all over.
322
00:21:29,380 --> 00:21:31,240
They were searching everywhere. They
couldn't find me.
323
00:21:32,020 --> 00:21:33,820
Now, where were you? I was in prison.
324
00:21:35,980 --> 00:21:38,340
But you managed eventually to escape.
325
00:21:38,620 --> 00:21:39,620
I certainly did.
326
00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:42,820
I took a tunnel about a hundred feet
long.
327
00:21:43,140 --> 00:21:44,400
A hundred feet tunnel?
328
00:21:44,860 --> 00:21:47,340
That's amazing. It's a wonder the guards
didn't find you.
329
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:52,020
Well, I was very clever. Very cunning I
was. I used to fill it in every night.
330
00:21:52,260 --> 00:21:53,260
I see.
331
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,840
And yet... One more for that. Yes.
332
00:21:57,860 --> 00:22:02,140
And you dug that tunnel for nine long
years. Yes, I did. It was silly, really.
333
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:03,840
Why? Well, I was only in for 18 months.
334
00:22:10,860 --> 00:22:13,180
Tell us, sir, what was life like? Well,
I'm right as you are.
335
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:17,040
Yes? What was life like in 18th century
England?
336
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:18,779
Indescribable. Really?
337
00:22:18,780 --> 00:22:21,740
Absolutely indescribable. Can you
describe it for us? Certainly.
338
00:22:23,940 --> 00:22:24,940
It was awful.
339
00:22:25,290 --> 00:22:26,950
Was it? Really awful. It was awful,
awful.
340
00:22:27,370 --> 00:22:30,010
I mean, the women were lying about all
over the streets, and the men were lying
341
00:22:30,010 --> 00:22:31,810
about, and they were drinking. Oh,
terrible.
342
00:22:32,050 --> 00:22:33,009
It was very immoral.
343
00:22:33,010 --> 00:22:35,470
Immoral? Oh, dreadful. Loose living.
Absolutely, absolutely.
344
00:22:35,910 --> 00:22:36,749
Oh, dear. Absolutely.
345
00:22:36,750 --> 00:22:37,750
And drink?
346
00:22:37,910 --> 00:22:40,830
Oh, a big gin like that, something, a
big bottle like that. Oh, really?
347
00:22:41,090 --> 00:22:42,290
Drink, drink, drink all the time.
348
00:22:42,530 --> 00:22:46,190
Unbelievable. Sir, tell us, how would
you describe it, though, in one word?
349
00:22:47,310 --> 00:22:48,310
Swinging, man, swinging.
25954
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