All language subtitles for The.Great.North.S04E09.1080p.WEB.H264-SuccessfulCrab

Arf, arf. That's the sound
of history being made.

The biggest sled
dog race in the world...

The Alaskan Iditarod... Is
mushing through Lone Moose,

and a Lone Moose
resident is in this year's race:

Toast the dog.

Fans will soon gather for
an Idita-fest that'll have you

wagging your tails
and begging for more.

I can't believe we have
such a huge local celebrity.

I had the honor of being
bitten by Toast once.

I mean, he could have
bitten anyone, and he bit me.

Well, get ready for a taste
of greatness again, Dad,

'cause me and Judy are
baking Toast a special cake

with dog-friendly ingredients.

And we're gonna hold
it out so he can take

a little nibble as he goes
by, just like those people

with water cups at marathons.

I'm so thrilled my mom
decided to fly in for this.

I had no idea your mom
was such a hound hound.

Well, she's first and foremost
a country music hound.

And her favorite country
song is Iditarod Rod's

"Night of a Thousand Dogs."

So she can't wait to
see the song come to life.

And we're gonna go to all
the Toast-based attractions

around town, too.
The Pop-Up Idita-shop

at the mall, the
Russian restaurant

for Idita-dogs...

And I hear there's
an exhibit at the VFW

that will have you
saying "VF double-woo."

Just a little joke there.
Feel free to use that one

with your mom,
if it's not too racy.

And, Wolf, you okay
with Ruth coming to visit?

Yep, yep, yep.
Hella yes. I mean, yes.

There is a history of Ruth
making me very nervous

and yes, that has led to
some questionable behavior

on my end.

I mean, last time
we went to Fresno,

I did give her a
noogie at church.

Ruined her favorite hat.

But I've been working
on my calming breaths.

Listen to how calm this sounds.

Babe, I don't get why my
mom spins you so much.

Did your mom make
you nervous, too?

No, never. I could do
whatever I wanted around her.

Fart, burn off my eyebrows.

And whenever she seemed
down, I'd dump a yogurt on my head

and then dance around.
Next thing you knew,

she was laughing and I
had her attention again.

We always had so much
yogurt on our pillows.

Do you think you can keep
it together around my mom

- this time, hon?
- Absolutely.

I'm gonna be normal
as crap during this visit.

I got this. I got
this by the nips.

Weird.

My favorite vandalized

The Lion, the Witch,
and the Wardrobe

paperback is gone.

The one where someone
drew a ton of penises

just spilling out
of the wardrobe.

And so is the
copy of Charlotte's Web

where the picture of the
web that's supposed to say

"some pig" got changed
to say "some butthole."

Excuse me, Mrs. Rodenburg,

what happened to
all the old books?

You mean the vandalized books?

I replaced them with my
husband's book Priest No More.

It's about our love
affair. I'm very religious.

He's the third
priest I've married.

But what happened
to the old books?

And what happened
to the old priests?

The books are in the dumpster,

and Fathers Francis
and Peter are in heaven.

Holy crap, it's the mother lode.

Yep, this is
definitely primo stuff,

drawn by some of the greats.

Like the guy who always
drew Charlie Brown

smoking a bong.

And the kid who
signs their drawings

with two boobs, or
double-boob, as I like to call them.

Those are stone-cold classics.

What are you guys looking at?

The dirty books
from the library.

Mrs. Rodenburg threw them out.

Ooh, do you have the Anne
of Green Gables that has

Anne's braids blowing
in the wind of a fart?

- I believe we do.
- And you may buy it for five bucks.

Deal.

Guys, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

About how my
mom's boyfriend Jamie

has a pair of jeans that
he's going to give me

when I turn 15?

Russell, no. I'm
thinking we should open

a vandalized-book bookstore

and sell these to
our fellow students.

Yeah. Why shouldn't
we offer this great product

at reasonable prices?

Or even better...
Unreasonable prices.

My friends, let's get rich.

Any sign of Honeybee

- and Ruth yet?
- Nope. Nope, nope, nope.

- Try to breathe, son.
- Boy, here they come.

A fun
idea: should I hide

behind the couch and pop out?

Absolutely. Older
ladies love jump scares.

You promised Honeybee
you'd get it together

around her mom.

So stand on your
feet, arms at your side,

regular smile.

- It'll settle.
- Hey, everybody,

look who I found at the airport.

Hello, everyone.

Hello.

Well, Wolf, why don't
you come over here

and give your mother-in-law
a proper greeting?

A proper greeting.

Yeah, I know what that
is. Okay, here I come.

Yes. Whoops.

Should I have given you a
kiss on the cheek? Mwah.

- - Whoa!
- Oops.

I accidentally kissed
you on the lips there.

I'll just, try the other cheek.

No, no, no, no, no. Wolf, no.

Not to say I told you so,

but probably should have
gone with the jump scare.

Ham, the kitchen's
all yours after school,

so you and Judy can
work on your dog cake.

And turns out the
butcher's a big Toast fan,

and he put aside a
bunch of meat for free.

Honeybee, how's Wolf this
morning? Feeling better?

So much better.

I mean, who knew you could
get sudden onset vertigo?

The doctor said that's
why he couldn't position

his, lips right.

But he feels much better today.

Wonderful. And is there a reason

why he's watching us
through the window?

Yes, and I
will tell you about it

when I get back. Excuse me.

Babe, what are you doing?

I'm eating
breakfast with you guys,

just from out here.

My Ruth-related anxiety is
like a wild, psychotic rhino,

so maybe the solution is
to keep a healthy distance.

But I already told her
you're coming with us today.

And I will, but I will
also keep my distance

as much as possible.

Okay, I guess that's
a pretty good plan.

I'll just signal you
when it's time to go.

And can you
bring me some sausages

and apple juice and-and
maybe a magazine?

A book's fine, too, but
no mysteries, please.

I'd like to sleep tonight.

- Here it is.
- Wow.

There's nothing I love
more than a historical marker.

Except maybe curtains
ruffled by a slight breeze.

Wolf, aren't you gonna
come see it with us?

I wish I could, but I am,
allergic to history,

so my eyes might explode.

So have fun, Mommybee.

And that

is Toast's first pee pad.

Please, no flash photography.

Very interesting.

Yeah, so cool!

Wolf, please come
over here and tell me

about the time you met Toast.

What's that, Mrs. Tuntley?

Sure. Yeah,
yeah, give me a minute.

Who on earth are you talking to?

Mrs. Tuntley. She needs my help.

That woman in that truck
there? She's driving away.

I know, so I better hurry. Heh.

I'm sorry, Mom.

It's not your fault.
Let's go pick him up

and head to the mall.

Ooh, he almost got hit.

Let's hurry.

What a delightful store.

I got some Idita-socks.

They were buy one, get one free,

but I told 'em I had no
need for a second pair.

Great, great.

I'm just gonna get in some laps

around the mall, actually.

See you in a bit.

Welcome to

Butts and Noble.
Ooh, great choice.

Somebody wrote
the word "dildo 420"

on page 69.

I don't know exactly
what that means,

but I know it's funny.

Ten dollars is
kind of steep for me.

Could I give you four?

Um, yeah, I guess.

Gill, hi. Let me
explain something.

When pricing books, we take
many things into consideration.

PPP... penises per page.

BPP... butts per page.

And also BPP... boobs per page.

Historical value,
marijuana leaf work.

And let me assure
you, this baby has it all.

And it costs ten dollars.

Okay. I was saving
up to give my mom a locket

with my face in it, but
she can see my face

anytime she wants, I guess.

Guys, we've made
hundreds of dollars.

And thousands of memories.

Frankie, my man.
Geno, looking good.

Petey, say hello to your
mother for me, all right?

Thank you.

I guess I will get
some chips today.

Did you guys see that?
Miriam waved at me.

She's never even
looked at me before.

Not even when I caught
on fire in science class.

Well, get ready to
be a nobody again

because this is all
we have left to sell.

Well, it was a hell of a ride.

No way, Russell. Those
three books aren't the end.

They're just the beginning.

But Henry, where are we gonna
get more vandalized books?

Dirty doodles
don't grow on trees.

Simple. We use
some of our profits

to buy books
from the thrift store

and fill them with
vulgar drawings.

But none of us can draw well.

I mean, look at this
star I drew in math class.

It doesn't matter
that we can't draw,

because this person can.

Double-boob?
The greatest artist

of our time? How do we find them

when we don't know
their real name?

But we know their initials.

Look, when you turn
the book this way,

It's not two sets
of boobs, it's...

My God, it's two Bs.

I believe I know the real name
of our Vincent van Gonads.

Hello, Bethany Bupatutti.

The last person who
used my full name

is still in the hospital.

Because they're a nurse.

I was interviewing
her for careers week.

Does this look familiar?

I knew this day would come.

How much to make this go away?

We're not here to blackmail you.

We're here to hire you.

We need you to do more
drawings for our dirty bookstore.

I don't do that anymore.

My parents found a
picture of a penis I drew

and freaked out.

Said I was really talented

and that I should pursue art.

So, naturally, I gave it up.

Well, maybe this jar of Tommy
Js will change your mind?

Just when I thought I was out,

you guys pull me back in.

I hope Toast

- likes it.
- It looks incredible.

And am I crazy

or does it smell
really, really good?

I mean, it is all edible.

It's just almond flour,
heavy cream, sugar,

liver, shrimp, coconut,

two cow hearts, ground pork,
baking soda, baking powder,

pig lips, something
called edible waste.

No one can ever know about this.

Maybe I should get my own
table and, you know, let you guys

do some mother/daughter
bonding and stuff.

Well, that's a kind offer,
but why don't you just relax

and scoot on in.

I trust you aren't gonna
accidentally kiss me again.

And I want to spend
time with my son-in-law.

Cool.

For Iditarod, we
give every table

complimentary mush shakes.

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

Thank you. I'll be sensible

and save mine for after my meal.

Great call, Ruth.

Wolf, I think we know
each other well enough now

that you can just call me Mom.

Mom! Wow, yeah.

I mean, you just say it.
You're just a guy, and there's

a mom and you're
her son and you got to,

got to make her laugh!

- Aah!
- What in the world?!

It makes way more
sense with the dance, so...

- Wolf!
- You know what, Honeybee?

I think after we
get out of here,

I might check into a hotel
and give Wolf a little space.

Yeah, maybe that
would be a good idea.

And, I know it's usually a joke

when people say
this, but check, please.

Seems like I got all the
milkshake out of my hair.

Wolf, I love you,
but I'm trying to have

a nice visit with my mom
and you're kind of ruining it.

She came all the
way here from Fresno

and now she's not
even staying with us.

Again, I am so
sorry about the whole

"dumping a full milkshake
on my head" thing.

Apparently, your mom and
my mom have very different

senses of humor.

But maybe she'll look back
at it someday and laugh.

And good laughs are so
valuable in your later years,

especially as death approaches.

Wolf, tomorrow, me and
my mom are gonna have

a family day with Jerry.

And maybe that'll be
a nice break for you.

And also a nice break from you.

Yep, I, I get that.

Look, Wolf, this weird
anxiety about my mom

doesn't seem to be
getting any better.

So could you maybe talk to
her so you can get past this?

'Cause it can't be
like this every time

she comes to visit
for the rest of our lives.

I'm so glad you said that,
my Christopher Tense-Plasse,

because when I was a-showerin',

- I decided I am gonna talk to her.
- Good.

And I'm gonna do it in
her favorite language:

- country music.
- What are you talking about?

Well, you said
that country music

is the old dirt
road to her heart.

I did not say that.

Well, not in so many words,

but I got the message.

I'm gonna write your
mom a country song

about how I feel and
perform it at the Iditarod.

What? No!

Honeybee, you got
to trust me on this one.

Plus, I already arranged
it with Mayor Peppers.

- When?
- I called him from the shower.

You know I bring my
phone in in a Ziplock

and roll calls while I loofa.

It's all set. I'm
gonna get up there,

lasso her heart and
tie it up like a baby calf.

Okay, you know what, I give up.

You already dumped a
milkshake on your head

and kissed my
mother on the lips.

If you think writing a
song for her will somehow

get this weirdness
out of your system,

then, I guess, go ahead.

All right! I love it

when we're on the same page.

Yee-haw!

Okay, my songwriting committee,

thanks for agreeing
to help me out.

Now, Ruth's favorite
song is Iditarod Rod's

"Night of A Thousand Dogs."

So I'm thinking what
about a song called

"The Night of A Hundred
Dogs"? Thoughts?

Ham, you're a singer in a
band. Hit me with some advice.

Love your idea, but
it might be a little...

the same song.

So I need a totally new idea?

Maybe. As far as I can tell,

a lot of country songs are
just a list of objects, like...

Okay, well, let me try.

Very... provocative.

And the songs
have a lot of heartbreak.

Yeah. Dad,
you've had a lot of bad luck

in the romance
department. Talk to me.

Well, as you know, I
dealt with my heartbreak

by locking myself in my
room and smelling a cushion

your mother often sat on.

But I think in country songs,
the protagonist usually just

drinks whiskey and
occasionally shoots a friend.

And you know what, it's
important to dress the part.

It wasn't until I donned
the blue overalls

that I really found my character

in the school production
of Minions in Space.

I knew you geniuses
could help me.

Gonna head to the guest
house with a little sippin' whiskey,

channel Iditarod Rod

and write the best country song

since "Pardon My Fartin'."

Well, it looks great,

and the best part is

there's so much
gross stuff in this one

we literally cannot eat it.

Yep. White flour, chicken anus,

something called
"poor man's eels,"

goat cheeks, ground cow eyes.

Don't look at me!

- Don't look at me!
- Nobody look at anyone!

Hello, Quinn.

Anyone in particular
you're shopping for today?

Actually, I was leafing
through this book,

and a Stüssy "S"
doing a keg stand

smeared off on my hand.

And why did our library
have a book called

Growing Old Gracefully?

Because you can
never be too prepared.

Ten dollars, please.

Well, good luck
finding anything better.

We're the only
game in town, sister.

Henry, I don't think we should
talk to the customers like that.

My hand is getting
tired. I'm done for the day.

Bethany, you want
to make the big bucks,

you got to play ball.

And by that I mean
you got to draw testicles.

Put 'em on anything you want.

A spaceship, a
nun, Count Chocula.

I'm not a machine. You
can't force art or whatever.

Look at these penises.
They have no joy in them.

What are you
even talking about?!

She's right. They're
workaday penises at best.

I-I don't think it's right

taking allowance
money for these.

Can it, Moon.

These kids will buy
whatever we tell them to buy.

And, Bethany, I see
what game you're playing.

We'll give you more money, okay?

Hello, everyone. I
was just thinking about

how magical it is to
have a fun project like this

with my very best friends.

Russell, you're fired. Your
cut's going to Bethany now.

But I just ordered my
mom's boyfriend Jamie

a jerky tasting crate.

Henry, you can't
just fire Russell.

Can't I? Well,
you're out, too!

Anybody else got
something to say?

Yes. I love this kind
of chaotic energy,

and may I add to
it by saying I quit.

Come on, let's get
out of here, guys.

Fine, see if I care. I
don't need any of you.

You'll see. I can do it myself.

I'm gonna trace butt cheeks
all the way to the bank.

I'm an empire of one.

An empire of one!

He flew too close to the ass

and it swallowed him whole.

Well, it was a wonderful day.

We met a man whose
cousin's brother-in-law

dated a champion sled
racer's daughter in the '90s.

I hope you got an autograph.

Well, howdy, y'all.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

Hello, Jerry, you old cowpoke.

You old, plate of soup.

What is this?

Now, y'all might have
heard 'round the saloons

that I was working on
a right fine country song

for my mother-in-law.

- You were?
- Sweetie, maybe you

need to take your
vertigo pill and lay down.

Nonsense. I'm not
verti-goin' nowhere,

little lady.

Why, I feel as sturdy as a
spittoon full of orange juice.

You see, I was fixin' to
sing the song tomorrow

at the Iditarod, but the
song is so dang good

it just couldn't wait.

So I galloped on over
here to fill your ear troughs

with my water music.

Two, four, three.

He's nude.

Mom, I think we ought to get
back to your hotel right now.

Yep. Yep.

Well, well, well,
seems my guitar

is playing where
the sun don't shine.

I'm fine.
Thank you kindly.

Now I'm gonna take a
quick five and...

Boy.

Honeybee, could you give
me and Wolf a second alone?

Mom, you do not have to do this.

Thank you for picking
the guitar shards

out of my butt, Mother Ruth.

Wolf, I got to ask. Why
have you been acting

so strangely around me?

I don't know, exactly.

But ever since I
married Honeybee,

I get really nervous around you,

and then I do
something very weird.

And I don't know
why it's just you.

I mean, I'm fine around Louis.

Well, I got to wonder if
maybe you're fine around Louis

because you have a normal dad,

so you know how
to act around a dad.

But you've never had a...

Motorcycle?

I was gonna say a normal mom.

- Yeah, I've never had that or a motorcycle.
- Sure.

Look, Wolf, from
what I understand,

your mom was a bit wild.

And I'm willing to bet she
never set boundaries with you.

Well, I mean, I wasn't
allowed to drink her vodka,

but otherwise,
anything I did was fine.

Actually, the crazier I acted,
the more she seemed to like me.

So...

Yeah, okay, I
think I get it now.

You know, while
I'm not judging Kathleen,

I doubt we would have
gotten along too well.

But she's not here
anymore, and I am.

So I guess I'm kind of
your mother figure now.

And I do have boundaries.

Sorry. And, Wolf,
boundaries are a lot like curtains.

Sometimes they're open,
sometimes they're closed,

but in my opinion, they're
always good to have.

You don't have to act
crazy to get my attention.

You already have it.

You make my daughter happy,
and that makes me happy.

And believe it or not, you
already have my approval.

So you don't have to dump
a milkshake on your head

to get it.

Yeah, it would've made
more sense with the dance,

- but I-I see what you're saying.
- Good.

Now, why don't you put on
some underpants, have a rest,

and then write me
a better country song

for the Iditarod tomorrow?

Wait, you want me to
sing you a country song?

Of course. Country music
is the dirt road to my heart.

I knew it.

Well, we did it.
We got the cake here.

And no reason why we shouldn't.

I don't even want to
know what's in this one.

Good.

Okay, I hear that
Toast and his team

are just a few miles away.

But while we wait, Wolf
Tobin is going to sing

a country song he wrote
for his visiting mother-in-law.

- Hell yeah!
- Howdy, partners.

I wrote this song
for a-a very special lady.

Not my special lady,

but the special lady
that my special lady

came out of. Anyway,
I hope you like it.

Aw, that's nice.

Come on, Ruth, get up here.

Ruth Shaw, the best
dang mom-in-law.

Yee-haw!

Here they come,
Toast and his team.

Toast! Toast! Toast! Toast!

Just remember, when I
open the cake container,

hold your breath and look away.

Okay, Ham, open her up.

- That's my cake!
- Dad, come back here!

- Share.
- Save some for me.

Bitten again by greatness.

What a privilege.

Well, on the plus side, looks
like Lone Moose is getting

another historical marker.

I can't wait to see
it on my next visit.

>>>>oakislandtk<<<<<
www.opensubtitles.org