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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,759
Why aren't you picking up, Mam?
All right?
2
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:05,719
I've been calling all morning.
3
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:08,119
If you're alive, pick up,
will ya?
4
00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:09,639
And, also, if you're alive, Mam,
5
00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,319
do you want me
to get some milk for ya?
6
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:16,239
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
7
00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,679
ANGELIC CHOIR
8
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,639
With kind regards from fucking...
9
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:23,039
Oh, what's the fucking name?
10
00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:24,999
...from Lennie!
11
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,599
Fuck's sake! Kango, mate!
We're family man!
12
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:30,399
You're, erm...
You're me second cousin, man!
13
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,959
I'm not your fucking second cousin!
I'm your fucking first cousin,
14
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,919
once removed!
Or are we half cousins?
15
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,479
Me nan is, is, is...
...is your great nan.
16
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:40,239
Yeah, she's me great nan, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
17
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,279
But she's married to her cousin.
Right.
18
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,879
And then my cousin is your
cousin's cousin.
19
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,439
So I'm... Your cousin's cousin's
your fucking cousin.
20
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,719
Which is my fucking cousin. Which
means I'm your fucking cousin.
21
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,999
Yeah?! Oh, fuck, mate.
Here's the fucking thing.
22
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,519
Now, I'm sorry, cuz,
23
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,799
but you're going to have
to kiss your teeth fucking goodbye.
24
00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:00,479
Listen, listen! It's me first day,
man, as a legit charity man.
25
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:03,359
Ahh! Me first fucking day, man.
I'm done with crime.
26
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,079
You are? Yeah, I'm done with it.
I'm retired, man.
27
00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:07,359
I swear, yeah...
28
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:09,759
Look, man, look!
It's a fucking dog with flipflops!
29
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,759
It's a fucking what?
See ya later, cuz!
30
00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,239
See you in a bit.
31
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,079
It's a lovely day out.
32
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,079
I think I'll go and wash the car.
33
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:19,839
Sit down, Dad.
34
00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,839
Might even check me tyre pressure.
35
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,359
Just sit down.
36
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:29,519
We never talk about anything.
37
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,599
We bury it,
38
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:36,959
and then fill awkward silences
39
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,320
drinking tea.
40
00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,720
BOTH SLURP
41
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:59,199
That is cold.
42
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,119
That's because I made it yesterday
and forgot to wash it up.
43
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,560
SHE SPITS TEA BACK IN THE CUP
44
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,519
You were right.
45
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,520
Pat and Ewen were using me.
46
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:14,319
They were cuckoos
47
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:18,679
and I was their tit.
48
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,959
But it's over.
49
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,559
It's not over!
50
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,959
We're gonna carry on
51
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:31,839
selling loads of spice.
52
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,799
And the gummy bears,
53
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,599
I know they're marijuana.
54
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:39,319
They use them bears to hook you,
to control you,
55
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:44,879
Nobody is being coerced
56
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:48,160
into taking drugs.
57
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,919
"Not fit for human consumption".
58
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:56,679
Are they humans, though?
59
00:02:56,680 --> 00:03:00,319
And your friends at the charity,
were they also...
60
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,079
...y'know, was Harry?
61
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,999
Tit. Hope?
62
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,319
Tit. The angry drunk fella?
63
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,319
Brought in to be a tit.
64
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,199
Even the sweet lad with the van?
65
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,919
Minibus. Tit.
66
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:17,319
Oh, Mas, look. Buns.
67
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,279
Thanks, but no, thanks.
68
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,519
Cos of your diabetes?
I ain't got diabetes.
69
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:22,959
Really?
70
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,879
I thought we all had a thing.
I thought yours was...
71
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,359
What about the flapjack man
and his mum?
72
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,040
They are gone.
73
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,199
Is me mam here? Mam!
74
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,799
Why do you look like
75
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,879
a disgraced UKIP candidate?
76
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:42,679
Mam! Mam! Where's your other sock, mate?
77
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:43,839
Couldn't find it.
78
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,759
I thought I'd dress like a normie,
doing normie work.
79
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,919
Anyways, me mam's nan's cousin
Kango
80
00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,919
just threw me in't back of his van
and tried to steal me teeth.
81
00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:56,159
Why are you criminals
82
00:03:56,160 --> 00:04:02,159
obsessed with removing bits
of each other?
83
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,839
We've been fucking about on
Lennie Kennedy's turf, right?
84
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,879
We all need to get out of town now.
85
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,599
Mas, mate, tell her,
somebody's about to get stabbed.
86
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,479
Nobody's going to get stabbed,
all right?
87
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:14,240
We're about to be gone, like that!
88
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,120
Like what? Like...
89
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,759
Like... ..that!
90
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,839
Dead. Harry?
We all love Harry, don't we?
91
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,879
Yay! Yay, we love Harry!
92
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:27,959
We fucking love Harry!
93
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,199
Yeah, dead! Like that.
94
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,279
I think we need to tell him.
Tell me what?
95
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:33,999
We have been selling spice
in addition
96
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,559
to your cocaine across Bracklington
for the past 33 days.
97
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,279
Surprise!
98
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:43,439
So the charity, it's legitimate?
99
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:44,959
Totally.
100
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,959
We're doing so well,
101
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:52,639
we're actually expanding.
102
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,479
This is so, so fucking bad.
103
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,840
You lot,
man, you're not suited to violence.
104
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:05,039
A nutter who smells like me nan's
bathroom carpet,
105
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,959
haunted Greta Thunberg,
106
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,799
a genuine legend
107
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,439
and Minibus fucking Masir,
108
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:16,039
who's way more into minibuses than
he is gang warfare.
109
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:20,399
Er, he is right.
I'm not very keen on gang warfare.
110
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,679
I'm fucking quitting, yeah?
111
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,119
K-W-I-T!
112
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,359
I'm done.
Fuck off
113
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:31,759
and let me deal my spice!
114
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,999
You! See you? Dead!
115
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,359
Dead! Dead!
116
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,399
Mam, dead!
117
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:38,840
Like that.
118
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:41,719
Mam...
119
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:44,079
Right, I need to go
120
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:48,559
cos my smoking
hot girlfriend
121
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,239
is outside.
122
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,759
This was good.
123
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:58,519
We should talk more often.
124
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:02,759
No more secrets.
No more sneaking around.
125
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,000
No. Hmm.
126
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,519
I'm going to need a disguise.
127
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,680
CAMERA CLICKS REPEATEDLY
128
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,320
Right, come on.
129
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,240
Fuck, fuck!
130
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,359
Len's hardest foot-soldiers are
already watching us.
131
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,119
And mam still ain't picking up.
132
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,719
I need to get t'boozer, man.
133
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:37,959
To talk to my sister?
134
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:41,039
Yeah, and get me gun. Shit, man.
135
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,759
How do I get past that absolute
brick shithouse, eh?
136
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,640
Ah, I have a plan.
137
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,119
I was thinking,
we might go away for a few nights.
138
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,479
Soho House has opened a new place at
the pumping station in Outstray.
139
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:59,799
It's called "The Pumping Station"?
140
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,039
Isn't that a bit,
141
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:05,559
"ooh, matron"?
142
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,679
No, it's called Soho House.
143
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,919
I thought we could go there
and have sex.
144
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,719
Oh, really?
145
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,759
Great. Yeah!
146
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,999
Erm, smashing.
147
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:22,279
So, your dad's a bit poor then?
148
00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:26,839
Erm, no. No,
I think he's relatively well off.
149
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,159
Daddy! Kayla.
150
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,999
Hi, Joanna. And you must be Emily.
151
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,519
Yes, hello. Shoes off, please.
152
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:38,479
Daddy's got OCD. Undiagnosed,
but we all know it's there.
153
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:42,079
There's some house shoes you can
borrow just there, in that ottoman.
154
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,319
Oh, like slippers.
155
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:48,279
What? They're entirely different
to slippers.
156
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:49,879
Are they?
157
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,319
Yes. They are. They're house shoes.
158
00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,439
Anyway, that lamb has been in
the slow-cooker
159
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:58,479
with half a bottle of
Beaujolais since 4am.
160
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,799
I don't like wine-based jus!
161
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,879
The tannins make my throat tight.
162
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,799
And lamb, Daddy? Really?
HE GROANS
163
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,839
Wow.
164
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,759
Come on, ladies. Follow me.
165
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,759
Is your dad famous?
166
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:16,959
I feel like I know him.
167
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,159
He's just got one
of those big faces.
168
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,879
Though he did once feature on
an episode of Rogue Traders.
169
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,559
Oh, yeah. That'll be it.
170
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,000
SHOPKEEPERS BELL RINGS
171
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,679
Ta-dah!
172
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:41,919
Fucking hell. I look like me nan.
173
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,599
Nah. Man, you look sexy.
174
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,199
Did I say me nan ain't sexy?
175
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,959
OK! So, I've been thinking
176
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,039
about how to spend my share of
the money.
177
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:53,999
Are you thinking of investing in
a pension?
178
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,679
Don't do it fella, it's a fucking
pyramid scheme.
179
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,439
Actually,
I was going to propose to Carl.
180
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:04,199
We're going to Liverpool to pursue
my dreams, directing Hollyoaks.
181
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,839
Who the fuck's fucking...
WHISPERS: ..Carl?
182
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,919
My boyfriend. Fucking hell, mate!
183
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,559
You kept gorgeous.
Carl quiet. Hey, congrats, man.
184
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,479
He works in Sainsburys.
185
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,759
And, oh, he's extremely handsome.
186
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,039
Does he know how you're going to
pop the old down-on-one-knee,
187
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,559
no-more-shaggin-about?
I don't think so.
188
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,919
Oh, erm, how do you think
I should ask him?
189
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,639
Just look at him,
190
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,439
right eyeball to right eyeball,
and say,
191
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,120
"Fancy it?
Marriage an' all that shit?"
192
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,119
Oh, no! Sorry, ladies.
193
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,920
I thought you were some...
...drug dealers.
194
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,720
Thank you.
195
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:49,999
HE MOUTHS
196
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,199
Jojo Rabbit! Oh, you know I don't
love that nickname.
197
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,839
It reminds people of Nazis.
198
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,239
Are you still pursuing
the recorder?
199
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:58,079
No, I'm just carrying it round as
an accessory.
200
00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,719
I've got my Grade 2 tomorrow.
201
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:05,719
Hello. I'm assuming that
you're Jo's sister
202
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:10,439
and not a tiny little waiter?
203
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:14,199
So tell me, how did you guys get
together? I love a meet-cute.
204
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:15,759
Emily works for my charity.
205
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:20,719
Just don't tell the boss.
206
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,120
But I am the boss.
207
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,759
It's my charity.
208
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,799
Wait a minute.
209
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:38,519
How about you two?
How did you meet?
210
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,559
Well, it was at my gym.
211
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:43,159
Weights weren't the only thing
he picked up that day.
212
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,359
I also picked up her number.
213
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,000
HE CHUCKLES
214
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:54,080
"April 2013, Gangland's Boss's
Daughter Kidnapped."
215
00:10:55,400 --> 00:11:00,080
And two months later to the day,
he made me Mrs Lennie Kennedy.
216
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:04,119
You all right?
217
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:08,279
Ta. Sorry. Erm...
218
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:14,039
it went down the, the wrong hole.
219
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,399
Lennie Kennedy's her old man!
220
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,679
Don't worry, love.
221
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:21,160
I'll get our Emily
out of this mess.
222
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:27,679
Did you, erm, take his name?
223
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:30,319
Yeah, we're sticklers
for tradition in this house.
224
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:34,319
Tradition and 45 second
cold-water showers.
225
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:35,759
It's straight to the point,
226
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,799
efficient and the environment wins.
227
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,039
I took Mummy's name.
228
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:43,319
Don't mention that
fucking whore mummy!
229
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:46,280
Princess put me off my tartare.
230
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,199
Right. Well, OK, now I-I think
231
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,159
we're ready for the
family talent show.
232
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,080
Eh?
SHE SQUEALS
233
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,319
Sorry, what?
234
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,039
My little dumpling.
235
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,839
Meine Liebling.
236
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:07,319
? You're my little
237
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,359
? Chu-chi face
238
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:13,959
? My coo-chi, coo-chi, woo-chi
Little chu-chi face
239
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:19,279
? Every time I look at you
I sigh... ?
240
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,759
I just need to...
? And you're my little
241
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,679
? Teddy bear... ?
Rarrr!
242
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,719
? ..My lovey-lovey-dovey
Little teddy bear... ?
243
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,079
Shit, shit, shit.
244
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,399
? ...You're the Apfel strudel
Of mein eye. ?
245
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,439
We get in there,
keep our heads down,
246
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:38,000
and wait for Mam. Get Daphne,
lie to Leo and leave Brack forever.
247
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,759
Let's hope the world is ready for
248
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,919
Ewenetta and Downston Abby.
249
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:53,559
Just a couple of 86-year-old ladies.
250
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:57,799
Right, listen.
If they tackle us...
251
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,880
strangle 'em with your stockings.
OK.
252
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,039
You bastard!
253
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:12,080
Look at that. What a twat.
254
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,119
Move it! Nana needs her gin.
255
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,519
There you go, love, yeah?
Hurry up, dear.
256
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,999
All right, no problem.
Mind how you go, yeah?
257
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,720
Go on, you are pulling it, pal.
258
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,160
Bless 'em.
259
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,360
Harry, Ewen. The usual?
260
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:38,840
RINGING
Where are you, Mam?
261
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,920
Bingo! Me other sock!
262
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,919
{\an8}Oh, no! Me sock!
263
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,040
MUFFLED GROANING
264
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,480
Pat.
265
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,519
HE GROANS
Gag me back up!
266
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,639
I'm not being saved by
a bastard grass!
267
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:18,599
How long have you been here?
268
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,799
None of your fucking business!
269
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,599
Has that bastard cooked me bacon?!
270
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,399
Cos it smells like he
fucking has!
271
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,239
Wait right here.
272
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:30,919
Has that bastard booked my bacon?!
Just tell me!
273
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:35,719
? Together we're a chu-chi
Coo-chi, woo-chi, goo-chi
274
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,039
? Ooh-chi
Coo-chi
275
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:43,200
? Ooo-chi, coo-chi
Chu-chi pair! ?
276
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,159
Oh! We'd thought you'd fallen in.
277
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,079
Fallen in? Daddy, I find your
comment quite ableist, actually.
278
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,799
Oh, my sincerest fucking apologies.
279
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,959
Well, your next, as our guest.
280
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,039
Really?
281
00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,399
Please. Take the floor.
282
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,239
Go on, Em. Yeah,
show us your skills.
283
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,679
Erm, OK. I've got one.
284
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:08,519
It's a Tongue Twister.
285
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,519
Oh! Mm!
286
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:16,439
How much foot could a foot fish suck
287
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:21,040
if a foot fish could suck feet?
288
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,160
Oh, OK.
289
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,320
I know who you are.
290
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:43,879
Do you? I mean, even I don't know
who I am so...
291
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:48,799
The Raleigh Tristar 3-Speed trike.
292
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,559
I fixed your flat tyre. Oh.
293
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:55,839
Yeah. Yeah, you did actually.
294
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,319
Thanks.
295
00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:00,879
My turn, Daddy.
Yeah, please.
296
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,960
Ahem!
PLAYS RECORDER OFF-KEY
297
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,799
She does this a lot.
298
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,239
Small bladder.
It's part of her disability.
299
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,360
Hey! Hey!
300
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,199
Stop moving.
301
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,639
It's the nerve damage
from the bastard MS!
302
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,639
Well, you stop shaking!
303
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:34,399
It's my bastard CP!
304
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,199
Fucking hell!
305
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:40,440
Someone's going to lose a finger.
306
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,920
I'm off to fetch me bacon!
Don't. Oh, fuck.
307
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,640
Where do you think you're going?
308
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,119
I need some air.
309
00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:01,239
I feel a bit queasy.
310
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,199
Right. Well, don't puke
on my gravel.
311
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,120
Absolute nightmare
to clean is that.
312
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,479
Oi!
313
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:22,959
Argh!
314
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:26,079
I'll have to clean those
fucking house shoes now.
315
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,839
Sorry about that.
316
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:32,480
Just leave them there and get
another pair when you come in.
317
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,799
I can't believe that worked.
They've gone.
318
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,279
So, what now?
319
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,199
We keep a low profile, right?
320
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:55,639
And we wait for Mam.
321
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:57,919
We should definitely keep our
heads down.
322
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,119
Yeah, yeah, defo, yeah.
323
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,439
? Turn around
324
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,719
? Every now and then I get
A little bit lonely
325
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,719
? And you're never coming round
326
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,439
? Turn around
327
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:14,439
? Every now and then I get
A little bit tired of listening
328
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,079
? To the sound of my tears
Turn around
329
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:20,479
? Every now and then I get
A little bit nervous that
330
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,679
? The best of all the years
Have gone by
331
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,759
? Turn around
Bright eyes
332
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:28,079
? Every now and then
I fall apart... ?
333
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,839
Wait, wait, wait.
What, what, what, what?
334
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,559
We did it a bit too early. What?
335
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,280
A little bit too early. Oh.
336
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:41,119
You know, I'm going to have to leave
Brack again. For good this time.
337
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,639
Are you going to tell Leo?
338
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,039
I could just tell everyone I've died
339
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,359
and that's why I'm not around
any more. Oh.
340
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:51,199
Oh. I didn't know Women's Institute
was meeting today?
341
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,439
And, er, what can I get
for you two lovely ladies?
342
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:55,760
Erm...
343
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,399
I'm off to, erm...
344
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,640
Not here.
345
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:10,639
I guess you want to know why
I'm dressed like Nora Batty.
346
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,919
Can I tell you later?
347
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,560
Cos, well, erm...
348
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,159
Thing is, I...
349
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,599
I... I love...
350
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,039
how you are with Dwayne.
351
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,039
Right, right. Yeah, me too, man.
Yeah.
352
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,599
And...
353
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:27,680
my brother.
354
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,440
If I were to go away again...
355
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,760
...would yous come with me?
356
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,440
FUCK!
357
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,040
Oh, fuck.
358
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,199
Anyone for cheesecake?
359
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,560
MUSIC: Theme to The Bill
360
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,839
They can take away the crime,
361
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,639
but they'll never take away
the memories.
362
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,279
Rampton high security hospital.
363
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,119
Remember when you found that razor
blade in your mashed potato?
364
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,039
Dovegate and Full Sutton.
365
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,159
Full Sutton, yeah.
366
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,839
That guy with mental health
came at you with his kettle.
367
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,039
Full of sugar, yeah. He were going
to throw it all over you...
368
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,719
All over me head, cos
the sugar sticks and...
369
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,679
Yeah, and it burns your face
off, right?
370
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,799
But he'd forgotten to put water in.
371
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,319
Came out like a brick of treacle.
372
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,879
You need to tell him the truth.
373
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:37,160
I will.
374
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:42,360
Usual, Em? Yeah. Thanks, Maz.
375
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:46,399
Ewen, I'm a grass.
376
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,999
Back at school,
377
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,679
I told them that
378
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,959
you started the fires,
379
00:20:54,960 --> 00:21:00,280
that's why I didn't get
into trouble.
380
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,320
I know.
381
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:05,959
I've always done.
382
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,639
Look, it's fine.
383
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:08,759
If it weren't that,
384
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:13,360
I would've been done for something
else. Killing a dog or something.
385
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,879
I killed a dog when we were nine.
386
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,159
And you were right.
387
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:23,079
We should stop now,
388
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:28,879
go legit before someone gets hurt.
389
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:33,119
Hey. Hey! You found me mam!
You all right, Mam?
390
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:36,159
Hey! Yeah, she's all right.
Nice one.
391
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,439
Yeah, she's all right.
Er, vodka tonny, Mam?
392
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,599
Please. As you're asking.
Yeah, yeah. Yes. Vodka Tonny?
393
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,999
Mas, mate. Vodka tonny for me mam.
Thanks, mate.
394
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,359
Have you had a haircut? No.
395
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:51,119
What's that then? Suicide attempt?
396
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:53,679
No. I were kidnapped.
397
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:58,039
That's suicide attempt. 2004.
398
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,720
2022.
399
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,559
And you won't believe this,
400
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:13,959
Jo's dad is Lennie Kennedy.
401
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:15,359
Who's Jo? Thanks, mate.
402
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:17,439
Your Jo?
403
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,320
Posh Jo?
404
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,759
You're fingering Lennie's kid?!
405
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:27,999
Well, not fingering, per se.
406
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,599
Lots of cuddling.
407
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,440
Does that count?
408
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:39,279
SCREAMING
409
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,479
Mas, mate! Fuck it.
410
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:45,279
Fucking get him!
Fucking get him, Mam! Oh!
411
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,479
HE YELLS
412
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,279
Oh, fuck!
413
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,120
I should have just shot him
with Daphne!
414
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,240
You're in shock. Fucking hell.
415
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,679
What are you doing?!
416
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,760
Look, it works on babies and dogs,
it works on you.
417
00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:09,879
Ewen, Maz.
418
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,759
I fucking told you someone would
get stabbed!
419
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,359
Here, take Daphne.
You'll need her now.
420
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:17,840
What have you done?!
421
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,920
Oh, for fuck's sake.
It's not what it looks like!
422
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:29,000
Sorry, but has anyone called for
an ambulance?
423
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:36,279
? You're my little chu-chi face
424
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:40,079
? And you're my teddy bear
425
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:45,319
BOTH: # Together we're a chu-chi
Woo-chi, ooo-chi, coo-chi
426
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,319
? Chu-chi
Woo-chi
427
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,599
? Ooo-chi
Coo-chi
428
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:54,639
BOTH: # Chu-chi, woo-chi
Ooo-chi, coo-chi
429
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,559
? Pair. ?
430
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,600
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431
00:23:58,650 --> 00:24:03,200
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