All language subtitles for Gidget.S01E13.The.War.Between.Men.Women.and.Gidget.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

[Gidget narrating] Surfing is a sport...

which demands devotion,
skill, patience,

and, if at all possible, a boy.
[no Audible dialogue]

A boy responsive
to your every whim.

Bret! I'm sorry,
but anybody can wipe out!

Yeah. But when you go,
you take me with you.

And vice-versa.
[exclaims]

Oh, Bret, this is the place--

Perfection. And
look at the surf.

Yeah. Absolute privacy
and no people.

And you found it for us.
Hail to the leader.

[grunts]
[squeals]

[Gidget narrating] It
was sort of a-- a paradise,

and we had it
all to ourselves...

for nearly two hours.

And then the invasion
hit the beach--

Our beach.

[no Audible dialogue]

Bret welcomed them.

Hey, get lost, chums! This
is private property, Larry.

Oh, what do ya know? I
thought it was a public ocean.

Oh, yeah, sure. Anybody
is welcome to drown in it.

After a little
conversation, the boys

decided to discuss
the whole thing...

while they were surfing--
in a polite, reasonable way.

That is, sort of reasonable.

Well, not exactly polite.

More like murderous.

There was a brief discussion.

Look, Bennet. The way I see it,

there's always
room for one less.

So go, Wilcox. You got my
permission to depopulate.

Which got briefer...

but more active.

[horn honking]

And then all of a sudden,
the plug was pulled...

on all of us.

Which proves
that the best things

in life are free--
such as quarrels,

not to mention feuds.

♪ [jazzy pop]

♪ If you're in doubt
about angels ♪

♪ Being real

♪ I can arrange to change

♪ Any doubts you feel

♪ Wait till you see
my Gidget ♪

♪ You'll want her
for your valentine ♪

♪ You're gonna say
she's all that you adore ♪

♪ But stay away
Gidget is spoken for ♪

♪ You're gonna find
that Gidget is ♪

♪ Mine ♪

Hamburger, hamburger,
cheeseburger,

dog with, dog without,
fresh yogurt frappé.

Oh, Bret, what's wrong
with sharing the wealth?

What, with a loudmouth?
Never happen.

Hey, Larry, we were
just saying that we--

That there's
nothing more to say.

Go fetch food, woman.

What do you do for an encore?
You kick dogs or something?

Are you volunteering?

You want to try unleashing me,
wheat germ?

Hey, fellas,
what about some music?

It's on the house.

Make a selection.

[screaming, shouting]
♪ [jukebox: rock]

As I see it, the problem is
in finding a peaceful solution.

Sure. How about
drowning 'em all?

Men! Janet, you and Jody have

been going steady
for a long time.

Did you try talking him
into a truce? Uh-huh.

- What did Jody say?
- Uh-uh.

That's what Bret said,
only louder and longer.

A great private beach
with wild surf--

But all off-limits while
our heroes play war games.

- Maybe if we explain--
- Huh!

In my experience,
boys only listen to

you when they're
hungry or lonesome.

I've got a flash.

What's more important to a
boy-- surfing or us?

[chuckles] You kidding?
Let me put it another way.

I mean, what if we all
just wiped them out?

No dates, no company,
not even a cold hello

until they call a truce
and share the beach.

What if they don't? I
mean, I tried educating

Art once,and I ended
up with two choices:

total defeat
or unconditional surrender.

Yeah, but if we
all stuck together,

it would be like starvation.

- They'd have to give in.
- Hmm.

From Janet, that's wild

enthusiasm. What
do you say, kids?

Sure. They deserve
the worst! At the least!

But the soonest!

[phone rings]

[yelps] Hello.

Oh, hi, Karen.
What?

I know you go out together
every Wednesday night,

but that doesn't make
it a tradition.

Well, this is total war.
Tell him the terms.

Out of the trenches
by Christmas,

or you're just not available.

Sure, I mean it.

Do you think I'd ask you to
do anything we're all not doing?

Attagirl.

Hang tough.

One of your troops?

As a civilian living
in the combat zone,

I've been hearing
you all afternoon.

It's of the highest
motives, Daddy. You

see, the boys are
tangled up in, oh, a feud,

and we're gonna
bring 'em back to

their senses. By
refusing them dates?

Exactly. Cunning?

Gidge, let me give you a
short lecture on power politics.

It's all based
on McGonigle's Law:

Anything that
can possibly go wrong will.

Well, we've got this all
worked out. Daddy, it's basic.

The only thing
that's basic about

human beings
is unpredictability.

You've taken on
a big responsibility here.

If this scheme of yours works,
everybody'll take the credit.

If it collapses,
you'll take the blame.

Daddy, believe me-- I believe
you, but what about Bret?

He's a very stubborn boy.
But he is a boy,

and that means the odds
are with me, instinctively.

Well, anyway, he's coming over
tonight for a summit meet.

And I'm gonna explain it all
to him-- kindly but firmly.

What?

Well, it's only logic,
Bret.

I mean, you guys
are behaving like a

bunch of children,
feuding over a beach.

Look, all we want is for you
and Larry to cool it.

Back down? You're
always claiming

to have such a logical mind.

You eat health foods. You're

going to medical
school. So what?

So you're behaving
in a childish,

emotional, irrational manner!

And either all of you stop it,
or-- or no dates.

No dates?

Like, no dates?

Exactly.

It's a matter of principle.

Principle? You're
just butting in.

I am not! You're just
ashamed to admit

that you got mad
at Larry Bennet.

Oh, I'm not mad at
Larry anymore. No?

[chuckles] No. Really?

Yeah.
Now I'm mad at you!

Hey, Larue! Hey.

Hey, there's a triple bill.
It's called The Ghoul's Way,

The Mummy Screams
and Beach Party Vampire.

What do you say? You
just wiped out, beach boy.

Hey, Darcy! All of a sudden,
what's with you anyway?

Away, fighter. I don't mingle
with the combat troops.

You keep coming around
that same curve.

It's up to you and Bret Wilcox.
Can't you patch up the leak?

What, with old wheat germ?
Huh! Let him crawl.

Then stick to your feud,
Larrykins.

It's all you've got.

[speaking Japanese]

[Japanese]

Kamikaze.

I tell you, girls,
they're on the run.

I hope so. I'm having
withdrawal symptoms.

Kicking a boyfriend cold
turkey is not good for the soul.

By the weekend,
they'll be crying for peace.

So we're all losin' our toes to

frostbite, right?
It's a cold fact.

We gotta do something. I'm

getting chilled
in two languages.

Boy, that surf is
gonna be booming

tomorrow. Maybe
we could divide up.

Let's meet down at the cove
tomorrow and negotiate.

[giggling] Now, remember,

we'll just wander
in in a gracious,

casual, victorious sort of way.

And you really
deserve the credit,

Gidge. You held us together.

I think we ought to work up a
medal or something. Oh, no.

A small testimonial scroll
will do.

"To Gidget. For
skill, intelligence,

poise, masterful tactics."

[laughing] Come on!

Hi, ladies.
Welcome to the beach.

But I'm afraid
the best locations are taken.

[Gidget narrating] Sometimes fate just

caves everything
right in on top of you.

Then there's just
one thing to do-- stand tall.

Look trouble right in the eye
and don't... blink?

[seagulls squawking]

[Gidget narrating] I'd just discovered something.

The really big
problem in running

an army is, when
there's a defeat,

you just can't stand to look

your troops in
the eye afterward.

I told you,
this view is a gas.

Right you are, Larue.
It's strictly broad gauge--

I mean, wide, wide screen.

It makes you realize how
simply petty human problems are.

Like, who can remember them
after 10 minutes?

Except food. Mm-hmm. Hey, food.

Thanks.

I mean, thanks.

That's okay.
That was a spare sandwich.

That was Patty Cromwell on the
beach with her hooks in Bret.

[Larue] Sure, Patty
and a whole crew

of girl raiders
from Pacific High.

We were thinking--
What if we just

sat down and prayed
for a tidal wave?

No.

I'm taking a very personal
interest in Patty Cromwell.

Where'd you get it? From
Bernard, the biology brain.

I borrowed it...
for a scientific experiment.

Gidget, I still don't know what
you're gonna do. Larue, think.

Humble me is going
to visit triumphant

P. Cromwell, girl
werewolf, right?

Right. And this
is a needle, right?

Right.
Well, what else?

I'm going to
give it to her.

[doorbell rings]

Hi, Patty. I came over
hoping we might talk.

Why not? Why don't we
go up to my pad? Okay.

Step into the trophy room,
Gidget.

Now, why don't you tell me
what this is all about?

About Bret--
congratulations.

Well, that's pretty
broad gauge of

you, Gidget. Well,
I can face facts.

Fact: I goofed.

So I figured I might as well
be sporting about it.

Here.
Here what?

[sniffles]

I'm sorry.

It's just that
everything in here has--

Has memories for me.

Bret's ring.

His football sweater,
miles too big for me.

- Oh, I'll cut it down to fit.
- His picture.

Keep it.
We'll have another one taken.

What's that?
What?

Oh, his hypodermic needle.

Hypodermic needle?

- Bret? For what?
- He didn't tell you?

Well, I guess it is
kind of an intimate thing.

And you know Bret--
sensitive.

He must've been ashamed.
Poor boy.

- Ashamed of what?
- His condition.

You see, Bret has this very
serious vitamin deficiency.

He has to take shots regularly,
especially if he overexerts.

So we have to
keep this handy just

in case. Here. It's yours now.

But I don't know how
to use one, Gidget.

What kind of
a vitamin deficiency?

He's had it for years. It's
lingering and very obscure.

[gasps] I can see
you understand, Patty.

Of course-- Of course, Bret
never mentions it, naturally.

Naturally.
He's very brave.

All the time pretending
to lead a normal

life no matter
what the risks are.

But-- But he's halfback
on the varsity team,

and he's a champion surfer,
and he's on the track team.

I said he was brave.
And you must be brave too.

And you must help
him keep his secret. You

must watch over him--
sort of mother him.

Here.

Someday, this might mean
the difference between life...

and death.

Hey, Patty, what is it with
you? Can't you stand to be more

- Well, I just want to stand by.
- [Gidget] Hi!

How is everything, you
know, going? Mm-hmm.

Just fine.
Good.

Here. I brought you your
fortified sunflower seeds...

and the rest
of your vitamin capsules.

We know how important
your vitamins are.

Absolutely. The body has to
have a proper vitamin balance.

I'm very careful about that.

Oh, you have to be,
and I'm gonna help you.

My responsibility, too, now.
I'm gonna look after you.

- I don't need a nurse.
- Well, of course not.

Not exactly.
Well, toodles!

Bret, you mustn't
run yourself out!

Will you quit managing my life?

Well, I know what's
right for you, Bret.

A little quiet would be
just fine for a start.

[Gidget narrating] In
case of a disagreement,

there's absolutely
nothing like...

frankly discussing the issues...
to turn it into total war.

This is the last
time I take pity

on a-- a-- Listen, don't say it.

I wouldn't dream
of being so cruel.

Uhh. You woke
me up. I don't know

what's gotten into her, Gidget.

All of a sudden, she's trying
to mother me or something.

No! Well, that's the way
the foam fades.

You know, Gidget, uh--
I forgive you.

For what? Well, do we
have to list everything?

As far as I'm concerned,
it's all forgotten.

I'll give you
another chance-- one!

And only because
of your condition.

What condition?

Bret! I know about your secret.

[quietly] What?

Hey, Bret.
Listen to that ginger surf.

No, no, no. Patty,
what are you talking about?

This.
That?

- Yes!
- What?

It! Your personal
hypodermic needle.

Gidget, well, sort of passed
it on to me-- as a trust.

- Gidget?
- As a matter of fact--

I would've walked
right out on you, Bret,

except for the way Gidget
explained it all to me.

So you have a vitamin
deficiency. Well,

what's so terrible
about all that?

Nobody's perfect. But you feel
you have to be very athletic...

and-- and masterful
and everything, and--

And you overcompensate.

Well, actually,
it's just that Bret

is so-- so concerned
about health.

Oh, no, no.
It's very serious.

- My hypo. My beloved needle.
- Bret!

With its sharp,
sharp point.

[yelping]

[Gidget narrating] Well, I may
have won the Battle of the Bret,

but, in three days, I
haven't gotten near

enough to him to
negotiate the armistice.

[doorbell rings] Oh.

[groans]

Glad to see you too.

Larue,
don't be frivolous.

You're looking at a fractured
woman, unable to eat, sleep.

A woman considering
the ultimate solution.

What ultimate solution?
What else?

Getting a new boyfriend.
Still nothing with Bret, huh?

Unless you call trying to run
me down with his car something.

Well, it's a sign of interest.

I was behind him in the parking
lot. He didn't even see me.

A meaningless sort
of run down. Grim.

That looks interesting.
Cheese, tongue, peanut butter,

spaghetti, pumpernickel on the
bottom, angel food on the top.

It's my heartbreak special.
Want a bite?

Very smooth.
You know, Bret's upset too.

No. He goes to the cove
every weekend morning, early,

and he doesn't surf.

No.

He just leans on
his surfboard and

looks out to sea, thoughtfully.

Like tomorrow morning,
for instance, 7:00 a.m.

That's a very creative
sandwich. Here. It's yours.

Where are you going?
To set my alarm.

Oh, hi, Gidget. Oh,
Bret. I didn't see you here.

I often come out here
early in the morning

to think, watch
the surf and... think.

Yeah, me too.

Bret, are you
still mad at me?

Mad at you? No.

It's just that I
didn't think anybody

knew about me--
my condition, I mean.

But I guess you being
so close to me, you guessed.

Oh, yes!
In a way.

My mother didn't
tell you or anything?

Oh, no, no.
Your condition?

Mm-hmm. It's not really
a vitamin deficiency.

You were just
guessing, weren't you?

Yes, yes, guessing.
What is it?

Well, you probably figured out
why I'm going to medical school.

There's no cure for it now.

But I thought, if I
had enough time,

maybe-- maybe I could find one.

Bret, what is it?

It's impaired
terminal circulation.

Right now, it's just my
hands and feet that go numb--

Unless, of course,
I'm very active.

And that's why I go out
for sports so much.

Oh, your poor hands.
Well, they-- they are cold.

Right now it's just
my hands and my feet.

But in a few years--
my arms, my legs...

and then eventually,
well, the end.

Unless, of course,
they pass a medical miracle.

Oh, they will.
I know they will.

Well, they've
conquered everything.

I know a doctor
will find a cure.

- Well, how do you feel now?
- Right now?

Well, it's my feet.

They have that funny,
numb, no-feeling feeling.

I massage them sometimes.
It helps.

Oh, let me. Let me.
How does that feel?

Oh, better, better.Can
you rub a little

harder? I'm beginning
to feel something.

What do you feel? Oh,
better. Much, much better.

I may even live.

You know, you
have a touch, Gidget,

that's unknown
to medical science.

[cackles] You scrag!

You blick worthy,
weaseling wipeout!

- All square?
- [laughing]

[Gidget narrating] What could I

say? I ruined him.
He wiped me out.

All even.

Except, considering
Patty Cromwell

and one thing and another,

I was a little more even
than he was.

Bret's?
Mm-hmm.

I have it on a long-term
loan. It's kind of a symbol.

Of what exactly?

My retiring from
being a four-star

general and
returning to civilian life.

Later.

[Gidget narrating] And the
big moral is:

It's a lot easier
to start a war than end it.

Anyway, I decided
that in the war between

men and women, I'd
stick to personal combat.

I figured that from now on, I'd

practice meeting the
enemy face-to-face.

That way, you get all the fun
and none of the fallout.