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Benjamin.

Your mother and I
have been talking,

and we know that things
have been difficult.

But it's been some time,

and we really think that you
need to start seeing a doctor.

Hmm. Okay.

Um...

Well, I mean...

I'm definitely open to the idea.

You are?
Ah!

No, it's-- It's something
I've been thinking about too.

Benjamin, I'm so pleased
to hear this.

Yeah. I mean,
I'm definitely open to it--

And there she is.

Okay.

Who?

So...

- Do you need something?
- No, it's a Triscuit.

Sorry. So, uh...

Can you tell me a little bit

about your practice,
Dr. Plotnik?

I'm not used to, you know--
But yeah.

Rachel. That's what
people call me.

Dr. Rachel, okay.

What type of practice
do you run?

Is it psychoanalysis?

Cognitive behavioral?

No. That's not me.

I'm not a doctor like that.

Sorry?

Uh, I can--
Do you wanna touch my face?

Hmm?

Touch my face.

Just put your hand on my face.

Go ahead, Benjamin.

Just touch my cheek.

Press it in,
but with the fingers on.

So you can really feel it.
So switch, flip it, flip it.

Okay, now take it away.

Do you see what's happening?
Did you see that?

What? I don't see anything.

It didn't move.
Incredible.

Hmm?
Incredible.

It didn't move.
It didn't move at all, my face.

That's my work.
Uh-huh.

I planned that, I wanted that,
and I executed it.

Dr. Plotnik's one of Zocdoc's

top-ten facial cosmetic surgeons

in the entire Tri-State area.

Okay, yes, I see.
That kind of doctor.

Um...

It's still a real doctor.

I know. No, no, absolutely.
I just...

Do you think I need work done?

No, Benjamin. No.

It's always an option.

No, Dr. Plotnik is unattached.

Unattached.

It's been a long time.

- Right.
- Coincidentally,

she's free tonight.

I can make other plans,
but I am free.

I mean, I am free. I put on
the pants and the hoops.

Yeah.
But--

These crackers.

Dr. Plotnik, can I talk to my
moms privately for a second?

I'm so bad at introductions.

- Yeah.
- I think it's important

to work on yourself.

- Yeah. Of course.
- Um, may I just...?

Uh, I'm gonna put
my hand on your face.

Do the same thing
that you did to me.

There are witnesses,
nothing crazy's gonna happen.

Ben, do you cry a lot?

Shabbat shalom.

Shabbat shalom.

Tonight, of course,

is a very special
Shabbat service

because it will be led
by our very own Cantor Ben.

Who, as you know,
has been absent, uh,

and we are thrilled
to have him back

after a very long
sabbatical.

So let us start with
the Kabbalat Shabbat service.

Page 636, "Yedid Nefesh."

Page 636.

It's okay. Go on.

Benjamin!

Fuck!

Hello, Cantor Benji. It's Ruth.

You probably noticed
I didn't make it to shul.

I've been
fucking killing myself,

trying to make
this ending work.

And I looked up,
and it was sundown.

It's always later
than you think, you know?

But I will make it up
to you tonight, I promise.

I'm just taking
one of my little walks

to clear my head--

Oh, I'm a little slippery.

I bet you looked so hot
on the bimah.

Your Hebrew warbling
makes me vibrate.

Yedid Nefesh, baby.

Beloved of my soul,
I'll see you soon.

Message saved.

Come on!

Keep going!

Keep going, please.

Keep going!

Thanks for the ride.

Crowded in here.

Yeah, it's Friday.
What can I get you?

What do you have?

We have everything.

Mmm, not sure.

Mmm...

Yeah, I know what you want.

♪ I've never been me ♪

♪ Might never be... ♪

What channel is this?

Oh, it's karaoke night
in the back if you wanna sing.

♪ But they wouldn't do... ♪

I think he's the saddest.

Oh, he's definitely

the saddest motherfucker here.

Another mudslide?

Yeah. Friday night drinks.

Stuff him in my pocket
and take him home.

Do you think
he knit that himself?

Ten bucks. Walk over.

Buy him a drink.

You laughing at me?

Huh?
Never mind.

Go give him some company.

Go say hi.

Just give him
a big old smooch.

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

He's really just kind of, like,
looking our way.

- That's what I thought.
- Like, come on over.

Oh, God, he's coming over.

Hey. Question.

You calling me nothing?

I'm not over there anymore.
I'm over here.

Are you saying
that I'm nothing?

'Cause you're looking
over here.

I'm living inside a joke.

Are you looking at something
else, or looking at me?

Why don't you leave us alone?
No, it's fine.

Go back to your date
you're not looking at.

Sit down.
You have a beautiful sweater.

Had a few tonight.
Few too many mudslides, yeah.

A few too many mudslides? Hmm?

Here, have peanuts.
Have everything of mine.

Must be a wonderful date.
If I was on a date with her--

Oh, my God!

Had to open your mouth, huh?

- Let's just go.
- Let's go.

Let's go.

Ow.

Hey. Hey, guy.

Are you okay?

Can you help me?

Maybe.

Give me your hand.

Give me your hand. Come on.

Okay. Come on. Come on.

Okay, now, dude,
let's just, you know,

hop up there
and sit down, okay?

Get your tushy on there.
Thank you.

I'm gonna sit next to you, okay?

Do I know you?

Uh, I don't think so.

Let's see, what is that
you're drinking?

It's--
- It's a mudslide.

It's chocolatey.

Can I have
two whiskeys, rocks,

and a glass of ice
on the side, please?

You're a good-looking guy,
you know that?

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Your whiskeys. Your ice.

Yeah, about time.

L'chaim, health and happiness.

This is for the eye, okay?

Uh-oh. May I?
Mm-hmm.

Boom. That's okay?

It's-- It's...

Thank you.

What do you want?

You're Jewish, right?

All right, coming up.

How could you tell?

That was a joke.
Come on, now.

You're not deaf and dumb,
are you?

I was joking too.
You know, I got hit.

On the floor.
Yeah. You did that.

You got punched in the face.

Yeah.

I work down at, uh,
the Temple Sinai.

Oh.
Um, I'm a cantor.

Um...
You're a Cancer.

So interesting
'cause I'm an Aquarius.

We're opposite.
Cantor. I'm a cantor.

Cantor?

I sing at the services.
Mm.

A cantor.

That is a really good gig.

I guess.

Did you know
that I taught music for 42 years

until they kicked me
out of there last summer?

Fuckers.

Forty-two years.

Mrs. O'Connor.

Wait, do I know you?

Ben. Ben Gottlieb.

Benjamin Gottlieb. Little Benny?
Uh, Coolidge Elementary.

You were my music teacher.
Little Benny.

Little Benny.

What are you doing?
I'm just trying to...

I'm trying to see you.
Little Benny.

You always gave me A's.

It was music class.
Everybody got A's.

Yeah.
I'm sorry.

I don't remember your face.

You-- You got a good face,
but I'm not sure.

Yeah.

You know, don't--
Don't take it personally, okay?

Okay.
Another one for my friend.

Coming up.

I got a car right here.
Let me give you a lift.

Oh, no, no. I'm a walker.
I like to walk.

So let's walk to the car.

You wanna take a look?
It's a cool car.

Uh-oh.

Ben. Ben.
Nice.

Yeah.
Oh, I--

That's it. In the car.
Watch your head.

Watch your head.
Watch your head.

There you go.
Hey.

Hey, that's great.
It's nice.

Isn't it?
That's what I was saying.

Let's get those feeties
in there.

- Just lie down.
- Nice car, yeah.

Ben?

Huh?
Where do you live?

I live in the world.

Okay, let's see if we can find

a little more specifically
where you live.

Benny.

That smile! Little Benny!

Okay. We're gonna get going.
Buckle up.

Gotta buckle up.
Here we go.

Gotta be safe. Seat belt.

Oh!

Hello?

Hey, we're home.

Morning!

You okay?

You want me to help you
get in your--?

Where are we?
What?

Home. Let's go.

Want me to help you out?

I don't live here anymore.

Huh? W-What do you mean?

My wife did.

Hmm. Your wife did.

Well, I thought
this was your address.

Not a good way to go.

I'm sorry. You want me
to help you get in your ho--?

I don't live here!
What? Ben.

What's going on?

I don't live here anymore.

Really?

Well...

I'm drunk.

Where do you live?

With my moms.

You live with your mommy?

Hi.

Hi. Let's just go slowly.

I got it.

You gonna be okay?
I got it. I got it.

No, no, no. Are you sure?
Yeah, I got it.

Got it?
I got it.

Okay. Careful.

Bye-bye.

- Okay?
- Got it. Thank you.

...trying, but he's not making
it really easy for me, you know?

It's not his job
to make it easy. It's our job.

- He's 40.
- Well, so what?

He's not a child.

Yes, he is. He's my child.

- Of course.
- Don't criticize him.

- He's doing the best he can.
- Wait, Was that the door?

- Oh, Benny.
- Hi, Moms.

Are you okay?
Hmm?

You okay?
Your mother was worried sick.

I was not worried.
No, I wasn't worried.

You're my little voodoo doll.
When you hurt, I hurt.

We've been calling you all
night and your voicemail's full.

What happened to you?
I was celebrating.

- And I got lost.
- You got lost?

In the town where you've been
living for 40 years?

That's how I knew I was lost.
What happened to your face?

Yeah, right here,
sweetie.

What are you doing
with your tallit?

Don't yell at him.
Okay. It's okay.

You-- You-- You get some rest.
You're not hungry, are you?

I wanna go to bed.
Okay. Night, hon.

Night-night.

The door's doing
the thing again!

I'm gonna call somebody.
We're gonna get it fixed.

How come nothing works
in a brand-new house?

- I know. Isn't that funny?
- Good night.

I know. Good night.

Okay. I've got it. I've got it.
I've got it.

- Get some rest.
- I can't.

Oh, God.

He's home. He's home.

Ben.

Hey, Rabbi Bruce.

What are you doing?

It's, uh,
not supposed to snow.

You never know.

The purpose of a cantor
is to sing.

That's correct.

Which I'm currently
unable to do.

Uh, also correct.

- You should probably fire me.
- I would fire me.

We're not gonna do that, Ben.

'Cause my moms are both
big donors to the temple?

That is not a small
consideration.

You've had a very
difficult year.

And I can handle the singing.

Um, truth be told,
I rather enjoy it.

Shit.

Ben...

How are you doing?

Me?

How are you doing?

I feel like I'm hanging.

What's going on?

I think I'm gonna sneeze.

I feel like
I'm hanging in there.

You know, sometimes I feel like

I'm just going through
the emotions.

Motions.
Right.

Started Googling "Ben Gottlieb."

You ever do that?

Have I ever Googled your name?

No, no, Look up other people
with your name

just to see
who else is out there?

Excuse me. Uh...

No, Ben.

There's 12,000 Ben Gottliebs.

There's an accountant in Tucson.

There's a lawyer
in Jacksonville.

Oh, look at that.

By the way, if anyone walks in,
this is a non-kosher shofar.

Meanwhile, you don't get to this
Ben Gottlieb until page 7.

That's with typing in
several pertinent key words.

Damn it.
Ben.

Even my name
is in the past tense.

Fuck.

You know, my daughter Gabby

has had a very rough time of it
this year as well.

How's she get through it?

She hasn't. She's a mess.

We'll help you
get through this.

Oh, hell, yeah!

The synagogue's
here for you, Ben.

Do you mind getting those?

Yeah.
Right behind the chair there.

Is that how
it's supposed to sound?

That was nice.

- What does it mean?
- Um...

Does anyone know what it means

when we say "neighbor"?

Anyone?
I'm so late.

A person who lives next to you.

A person who lives next to you.

Your dentist?
Your dentist.

- But two dentists.
- Two dentists.

- A horse?
- A horse?

You know what, yes,
a horse can be a neighbor.

But I'm trying to figure out

why do you have
to love the dentist,

the horse?

Anyone have an idea? You.

The person sitting next to you.

You, I meant.

Okay, so to be a good Jew,

you've gotta really--

Simon?

Is he asleep?

Would someone nudge him?
Wake him up.

Is he asleep? Let him sleep.
I don't care.

Hi.

Mrs. O'Connor, hi.

Carla, please.

Carla. Um...

Everyone, this is Carla.

Say, "Shalom, Carla."

- Shalom, Carla.
- Shalom, Carla.

Shalom, everybody.

Carla was my music teacher
when I was younger, so...

Yeah.
...if not for her,

I might not even be standing
here in front of you.

Carry on.

Are you picking someone up?

Nope. Just-- I'm here for me.

Okay.

This is a bat mitzvah
class, right?

I-I-I saw it on the website.

B'nai mitzvah.

- Hmm?
- Bar and bat mitzvah.

Boys and girls.
That is very modern.

Where were we?

Oh, right.

Uh, Cantor Ben?
Yeah?

It's 4:00 p.m.

Technically, class should be
over by now, right?

Yeah, but who's counting, huh?

Okay. Get out of here.

I'm sorry, I missed
the whole class.

Simon, get some sleep. I get it.

Thanks, Simon.
Bye.

Thanks, Cantor Ben.
One more week.

You wanna stay
and hear my story?

What's happening here?

I had car trouble, that's all.

I mean, more generally...

Okay. Listen to this.
...what's going on?

The first bat mitzvah
was in 1922,

which is exactly 100 years ago.

I Googled it.

And it was performed

by a guy named
Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan,

and he performed it
for his own daughter.

At home, right at home.

Did you even know?

I didn't know you could do it
somewhere besides a temple.

So, uh, I feel like maybe...

it might be my time
to go ahead with it

'cause I-I-I always
wanted to do it, I did.

So you wanna have a bat mitzvah?

Jeez, Benny, you're a sharp one.

Oh, I just-- I didn't--

- Always were.
- Yeah.

I didn't know you were Jewish,
Mrs. O'Connor.

Oh, that's my married name,
but my...

He's dead, my husband,
long dead.

I'm sorry to hear that.

But my maiden name is Kessler.

Carla Kessler.

That Jewish enough for you?

That's pretty good.

Ceramics, Zumba,

mystery book club,

- walking, animals.
- I see.

These are all wonderful things.

I'm not asking the temple

to fulfill everything
in my life, but--

Right, but I don't think--

I think this is
a good new start.

I understand.
My husband...

- I get it.
- You know, he just--

He didn't believe in it.

But now I'm just me.
Now I can do it.

I would really,
really like it in my life.

Carla, I understand that you'd
like to have a bat mitzvah,

for many reasons.

Friends. It-- It's--

It's a great anti-loneliness,
connecting thing.

Heritage.
I taught you for four years.

Now you teach me.
But we can't.

No. I'm not gonna hear this,
that you can't help me.

'Cause I know you can.

I'm gonna step out
on a ledge here.

May I?
Okay. Step out.

But don't fall off.
No, I just wanna say,

I've gone through
some of these things myself,

but a bat mitzvah,
you're beyond it.

I'm too old, is what you think.
No.

You think I'm too old to learn.
I lost my brains.

Is that right?

Yes, I think you got old
and lost your brains.

Should I go play bingo...
You really think that?

...or mah-jongg?
No!

Carla, I can't help you.

Carla...

No, don't "Carla" me.

Listen, I didn't survive
three minor strokes last year

for you to say no.

I-I-I don't even know
why you're sitting at this desk.

Get your balls back!

You know that Little Benny,
he had the big balls.

He was a Little Benny
with big balls.

I just feel sorry for you.

This is a job where people
have to care.

Hey! Hey, Benny!

Hey, you! You can't just run out
on me that way!

I'm not running. I'm walking.
Okay.

Ben! Ben!

What is this?

Every-- Everything's fine,
Rabbi Bruce.

I'm just working something out
with a new congregant here.

No, I don't know
about that, Benny,

because I do not feel welcome
in this temple.

No, no, no. All--
All are welcome at Temple Sinai.

I'm Rabbi Bruce.

Rabbi Bruce.
Good to meet you.

I wanna have my bat mitzvah
lessons specifically...

Whoa!

...specifically
with Cantor Benny here.

Now, that can be accommodated,
can't it?

- I don't see why not.
- Ha!

You see that? Now, that wasn't
so tough, was it?

I guess I'll see you next week,
Benny!

Can you back--?
You know what? I'll back up.

Welcome, Pilgrim.

In the name of the Father,
the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

I'll be right with you.

Hello, brother.

How can I help you today?

Hi, how are you?

I'm fine, thank you.
Um...

What brought you in today?

I was just walking.

Never been inside.
Wanted to see inside.

I'm curious about,
do you have a favorite holiday?

Mm.

Maybe Easter.
Because it's getting warm.

Right. The question I wanna ask,
what happens after?

Can I ask you,
are you baptized?

Yes, in my religion.

I was bar mitzvah'd.
I'm Jewish.

So, no.

Are you not allowed
to talk to me?

No, of course
I can talk to you.

I'm actually having
a hard time lately.

Do you ever not believe?

We'll all have
those moments.

How do you know
what you believe in?

In the Church,
we call it discernment.

You're led by the spirit.

Is there someone--
Is there a ghost there?

Hmm.
Do you believe in ghosts?

I believe in the Holy Ghost.

Ultimately, it's the will of God
that we're all saved.

From what?
The ultimate thing

you wanna be saved from is hell.

Can you have hell
without heaven?

One does not exist
without the other.

What about just doing good
for the time that you're here,

and not really worrying
about...

Well--
...later?

Do you believe
there's no later?

I believe...

Well, I-- My wife died.

I'm sorry.

My-- My question is, um...

See, in Judaism,

we don't have heaven or hell.

We just have, you know,
Upstate New York.

If I were to believe in heaven,
could I grandfather her in?

I think that's more
of a Mormon thing.

But I would-- I would have
to get back to you on that.

Okay.

As humans...

we have a special talent
for self-deception,

and we think
that our time is our own.

But our time is to be used
according to God's will.

You're always welcome here.

This is usually how it goes.

We'll set your bat mitzvah
for the next available slot,

which I believe is next March.

What?
Thirteen months from now.

That's how long
the process takes

to properly learn the Hebrew

and the meaning behind it.

What's gonna happen on the day?

You'll chant your Torah portion.

Then you'll read from an essay,

which you will write
about your Torah portion

and what you think it means.

And then you party, right?
Wonderful.

Then it's a bat mitzvah.

Your Torah portion,
you don't choose.

It chooses you,
based on the date.

And so, for you,
13 months from now,

would make your Torah portion...

Kedoshim,

which was my Torah portion,
actually.

From Leviticus,
which is like

we have the same
birthday almost.

Any questions?
Oh.

'Cause I think
that pretty much sums it up.

You know what I got
for my 13th birthday?

What?
You don't know, right?

Well, when I was
in the eighth grade,

I went to some bar mitzvahs
of kids in my class.

David Daublebaum

and, uh, Tim Rosenthal.

I loved the sound of the words
and the-- The music.

Chanting.

But I couldn't
understand anything

because I didn't
learn the Torah.

I didn't-- I didn't--

Ben, you listening?

Mmm.

My parents were, uh, communists.

You know, they were
Jewish communists.

That made me
what's called a red diaper baby.

And-- And-- And even
if they would've, you know,

my parents would've
let me do it,

the temple sure as hell
wouldn't let me do it.

Y-You understand?

I couldn't get one.

You know what I did get
for my 13th birthday?

I got my fucking period.

Exactly on the date.

The worst part
of becoming a woman.

Are you listening, Ben?
Yes.

You're listening?
Yes, I'm-- I'm listening.

Please say it back to me.

What?

Repeat it back to me,
what I said.

Like the listening exercises
we used to do in school,

so I'd know if you were
listening to me.

Say it.

Say it back to me.

What's going on?
Say it back to me so I know.

When you were 13...

When I was 13.

Right, when you were--
"When I was 13."

When I was 13,

do you know what I got
for my birthday?

I was in eighth grade,

and I went to these kids'
bar mitzvahs, and--

What were their names?

David Delbaum and...

Scott--

It's okay. That's very close.

I used to love
going to those things.

I didn't...

understand the words,

but I loved the music.

And I loved the way it sounded.

But, yeah, I...

I didn't know it
because no one taught me.

I wasn't taught Torah
because my parents...

were Russian commies.

Communists, you know?
Jewish communists.

From Russia.
Austrian.

Communists.

Which made me
a red diaper baby.

So even if I wanted to,

no temple would've allowed me.

This is the mid-'60s.

This is 40 years
after the first bat mitzvah.

I couldn't even get one.

But you know what I got?

My fucking period.

Yeah, on the day.

The worst part
of becoming a woman.

Thank you, Ben. You got it.

You're a funny lady,
you know that?

If I'm so funny,

how come you don't laugh
at my jokes?

It's a different kind of funny.

Oh, yeah?

Whew!

Here you go, Carla, my dear.

Good sir. Two Mildred specials.

This looks nice.
You must be Mildred.

I'm not Mildred
when the lights are on.

Oh, my God.

Keep in touch.
Thank you.

Yeah, wow, this looks--
Uh, this looks great.

It doesn't just look great,
it tastes great.

Right on the money.

Mmm.

Hmm.

What?

This is good.
What'd I tell you?

It's really nice.
I wouldn't lie to you, would I?

I don't know. Mmm.

I caught you smiling.

Can I ask you a question?
Mmm.

How did your...?

Your husband die?

If you don't
mind me asking.

No, I don't mind.

Mm...

He smoked, uh,

two packs of cigarettes a day
for 15 years,

and then died of lung cancer,
you know.

I didn't know that.

It's not pretty.
Not a good way to go.

Hmm.

My wife was walking home drunk,

and she slipped on the ice

and hit her head
on the sidewalk.

Her brain bled.

I'm sorry to hear that, Ben.

Mmm. This burger.
Hmm?

It really is so good.

Very unique.
Mm-hmm.

I told you!
Why does this meat

taste so good in my mouth?

I'm so happy you love it.

What's going on with this meat?

Like gooey-ooey deliciousness.

- What'd I tell you?
- We gotta do another.

You want to know the secret?
It is...

You're eating the cheeseburger,

but the cheese
is inside the burger.

Hmm?
That's the genius.

With the cheese inside,

I don't know why
it's so much better that way.

What are you--? Wait a minute.
Are you kidding me?

What's the matter?
There's cheese in this meat?

There's cheese in this meat?
Yes. So what?

You can't eat meat and dairy
at the same time.

You're lactose intolerant?

You can't be. I saw you drink...

Carla, I'm kosher. I'm kosher.

You cannot have dairy and meat
at the same time.

I know you didn't do it
on purpose.

- Everything all right?
- Hello.

Cooked enough?
It's cooked perfectly.

The problem is that I can't--
I can't eat meat and dairy

at the same time,
it's not kosher.

I can have, like,
a carrot and cheese.

Uh...
But not a beef and cheese.

You learn something new
every day.

That's ridiculous.

Those two things,
they go together so well.

That's not kosher.

That's why Jewish homes
have two sinks.

One for meat,
one dairy.

I'm sorry. We didn't have that.

Did you know
about the two sinks?

I could use a second sink.
I'm sorry.

I was in the service.
We had a couple of fellas...

I didn't know.
...from the tribe.

I'm a big fan of your people.

- Thanks, Mildred. I'm okay.
- Keep in touch.

Thank you for your service.

But really, now, seriously,

how do you "feel" feel?

I felt great
before I felt terrible.

Why? What's the worst
that can happen?

You gonna get struck down
by lightning?

I saw it. You ate the whole
thing and you loved it.

That's how you really feel.
You feel great! Mmm!

It's nice.

We can do like a bake-off.

Get the kids involved.

Since this is a fundraiser

for a Holocaust Torah,

what would be nice
is for that week,

before the bake-off,
we focus on the Holocaust.

Won't that be a dampener if--?

Dampener?
Won't that be sad for the kids?

I mean, it's a bake-off.

Well, not the youngest kids,
but by age 8.

They're still at the age
where they love to bake.

Perfect.
It's a sweet spot.

Holocaust and baking.

Ben.
Yes?

I-I'm Leah.
I'm here for our JDate.

Excuse me?

Oh, uh, your message said
to meet you here.

I didn't make a, uh, pro--

Oh, Judith.

Okay, yeah.
I could use a drink.

So, yeah, I don't think

I've experienced
real anxiety, you know?

Wild.

Well, l'chaim.

L'chaim.

Okay, so can I make
a confession?

I hate to begin things
with a lie.

Mm. Sure. Go ahead.

I'm actually...

Protestant.

A hundred percent Protestant.

Hmm.

JDate is for Jews.

That's why there's a J.

No, no, I know that.

I just, um...

I guess you can say
I hate the way foreskin feels.

Mm. Okay.

I've heard this one before.

It's great to hear
of your support for our people.

Yeah, thank you.
Ah, it's so soft.

Uh...

Tell me when to stop.
Where were we?

I see it right up here.

Ben!

Sorry.

I'll need a nine iron.

All right? Or an eight.

Or a five. Just bring the bag.

Thank you.
How are we doing there?

I'll get you.

Found it right here.

I was right. You got the nine?

- Nine?
- The nine.

That's all I need.
There we go.

- Yes, sir.
- It was right here.

Thank you.
Things have been going well

with my adult student,
Carla.

Oh, very nice.
Yes.

That's what you want.
Jews in the pews.

Right.

Who's Carla again?

She's the woman who, uh,

is retired,
but she was a teacher.

Actually, she was my teacher
when I was--

My daughter is coming
into town very shortly. Gabby.

Uh-huh.
The one I told you about.

- The mess.
- Yes.

Maybe you and her would,
you know, you might--

You might find some common--
Uh, common experience.

Okay.
Ready for this?

Uh...

I'm watching.

Look at that.
Look at you.

I-- Quick study.

Yes!
Just like I said, right?

Uh, yeah.

That's remarkable.
Great work.

It's very natural to you.
Really?

The vowels, I think,
are one of the trickiest parts,

and they seem like
you just know them.

Th...

Again, I don't wanna nitpick,

but you could
shorten it a little.

Adonai.

Not as long. Adonai.
Adonai.

Throw it away. Adonai.

Adonai.
Just throw it away.

Can you say it one time?

Adonai. Adonai.
Are you saying Yiddish?

It sounds Australian
when I'm saying it.

Kidding, it's Adonai.

It's only one of the most
important things we say.

But you throw it away
because you've said it so much,

it's so natural.

Adonai. Adonai.
Yeah, exactly.

That "ch" sound?

It's almost like I would,
you know--

Don't overdo it.

You know when you have popcorn
stuck in your throat?

Yes.
Yes?

How do you get it out?
Let me hear you get it out.

Yeah. Ugh. Great.

More popcorn.

Yeah, put some butter
on the popcorn.

Yeah.
Oh!

Butter flavor.
Do I look fat?

Seriously.
You, fat? Are you kidding me?

Did I gain weight
since you were little?

No.

Really?
Yeah.

I wanna learn the music of it

because I don't understand
the rhythm of it.

I wanna get the meaning,
I wanna get the music.

I wanna put them together,
and I think I--

Absolutely.
So your turn to shine.

Your turn to be the teacher.
I'm just gonna learn.

Please sing it for me.

Now? Me?
Throw it away.

What's the matter?

Have you got a sore throat?
No, no, no.

Goes a little deeper than that.

Huh?
I think it--

Could you just, like,

run through it once quick
so I've got it in my mind?

Because I-I-I don't--
Okay.

I mean, I've seen it,
but I don't...

Okay.

I can't sing.

You can sing.
I heard you sing like--

No, I know. I--
I can sing, but I can't sing.

What do you mean?
I don't want to. I can't.

Why not?
I'm not going to.

But I heard you singing
like a turtledove for years.

Here's what we're gonna do.
You can lie down on the table.

Let's keep you in your chair.

We'll do belly breathing, okay?

You get some air in there,

and that voice is just gonna
come out, Cantor Ben.

It's nap time,
let's get on the table.

No big deal.
You lie down, close your eyes.

But don't, you know--

Get your tushy over
so you don't fall off.

Wait, can you grab my yarmulke?

I'm gonna hold your head,
so don't worry.

Be like a bobble doll.
You hold that.

All right.
Relax.

Benny!

Okay, now you're gonna
close your eyes.

How's that belt?
Is that belt loose enough?

It's-- All right.

Close your eyes.

Remember what this was called?
Belly breathing.

And every time
I said belly breathing,

the whole class
would just crack up

like I said something dirty.

You used to say,
"You belly believe it."

"You bell--"
How do you remember that?

The belly breathing,
it's not in the chest, right?

It's in the belly.

Belly breathe.
I understand.

I'm gonna show you on mine.

Feel my belly there?
Okay, now watch this.

See how it goes out?
Yeah.

Stick it out.

Come on.
You can do better than that.

That's right.

Yeah, that's laughing.

It's good, you know,

because that's relaxed, okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no.
Come on, you can do it.

Hey.

Hey.

Hear that?
Hear that voice?

Come on, you got a big voice
in there. I remember.

I'm knocked over by the wind!

I'm knocked over!

You got that. That's the voice.
That's the voice!

Benny.

Do you have a VCR?

Of course.
Who doesn't have a VCR?

Is it you, Benny?

No, I'm not--
Come on.

It's gotta be you, right?
Thank you.

There's no one perfect for that,
right?

Home!
You leave your door unlocked?

Yeah. Well, I don't have
much to steal, as you can see.

This is my, uh, castle.

- This piano?
- Yeah?

Found this on the street.

What do you think?
Nice. Great.

Hi.
Oh, here's Alice.

Hi. I'm Ben.
Nice to meet you.

I told you about Ben.
Yes, you did.

My dear friend Alice,
works in the garden.

Garden.

I'm making a brew.
Do you guys want a cup?

Some tea? I would like it.
Coffee would be great.

No, it's tea.
Is that okay?

Because it'll be good
for his vocal cords.

A tea? I'm not...

If you already made it...
Garden...

- Okay.
- I want one.

Two. I'm not being put out.

Thank you so much.
I insist.

- She's my friend.
- All these books.

Biographies.
Tons of biographies.

Love biographies.

I feel like each one is like
a little life lesson, you know?

They sort of all end
the same way, though.

Don't you think?
Excuse me, guys. Here you are.

Oh!
Wow.

Alice makes the best...
Thank you.

You're welcome. Enjoy.

Thank you, Alice. Cheers.

Cheers.

Mmm!

Oh! Every time it's perfect.

Wow. That is really tea.

Is this, uh...?

- That's Nat.
- Mm-hmm.

That's my boy. Really smart.

He's got his dad's
scientific brain.

He used to have a lot of fights
in school or something?

What's he up to now?

He's a shrink.

Perfect.
Big brain.

- Showtime!
- I don't wanna watch.

Couldn't think of anything
I'd like less.

Oh, sorry. Play.

Really good.

If you want,
you can just borrow it.

This is delicious tea.

Mmm.

Oh, my God.

Oh! Look at you. Little Benny.

You don't really grin
like that anymore, do you?

This part's helpful.

God, you're gonna be

so much better than that.

You think? Thank you, Ben.

I'm beginning to see
why people take three months.

You okay?

- Look at him.
- It's not easy,

but you did it,
so I can do it, right?

You got it.

I remember me!

You said it.

- I remember me.
- I remember you too.

Mmm.
You okay, Benny?

What, you think
I fell off the mountain?

What's going--? What is it?

Whoa, mama.

What do you do here?

I sure enjoyed
feeling your belly.

Ben, don't be bad.

What?
Miss O'Connor, I could do

a backflip
into your heart.

What?
Look at you.

Were you nervous?

What?

The truth is,
you went on to do some good.

Look at him smiling.

He's over there, right?

Look at him. Little Benny.

- Handsome little tyke.
- Yeah. How are you?

I'm doing good.
How are you?

Good. Long time no see.

"Long time no see" is right.

Look who came to visit us,
fucking piece of shit.

Oh, don't talk
to him like that.

Oh. Now he's making fun of me.

Aren't you?
Okay.

You wanna take my kippah?
Don't look at that.

You trying to take my kippah?
A kippah.

This. Come on, Little Benny,
let's see if you still got it.

Pull up a chair, Benny.

Pull up a chair.

Little Benny.
Hey!

Uh-oh.
What are you doing?

What? Uh-oh.
Get over here!

Little Benny,
that's my kippah!

Get back here. I got yours now.

I got yours!

Ben? Hi. I'm sorry.

I think Alice made us
the wrong kind of tea.

Oh, thank you.
You okay?

Look what I got you.

I-- I got you--
Oh!

These are my son's pajamas.

These are so nice.
What do you think?

Nice or what?
You tell me.

I think they're gonna--
Let me see.

Perfecto.

You like it?
I love them.

Now how about you just
sit down again?

And we'll put these
over your feet.

Comfy, cozy. Comfy, cozy.

My pants?

You think you're gonna
be able to sleep?

Yeah. But I don't sleep
so well anyhow.

Yeah, well, I'm not
a good sleeper either.

Mm. Okay.

Okay.

If you need me,
I'll be right downstairs.

Okay.
If you need anything.

Okay, I'll be here.
I'll be right downstairs.

Night-night.
Night-night.

Oh...

Night.
Night.

Maybe we could do our lessons

here from now on.

Would you be open to that?

Seriously?
Yeah.

I mean, for me,
it's so convenient.

It's just--
I think it's beautiful.

You can see everything,
it's a great environment.

It's just--
I-I-I love it.

It's unorthodox.

I got you.

You know, I had lots
of that tea,

and I've never slept
that well before.

Uh-oh.

Just kidding.
Huh?

It's coffee.
I promise.

Thank you so much for coming,
you guys.

And then my friend
couldn't go to the circumcision,

so her friend stops
talking to her...

You always look good.
...she expects my friend

to collect money...
Good to see you!

How have you been?
I've been great.

We're always happy
to give money for a good cause.

Thank you. Enjoy.

We'll probably
start the bidding.

Doesn't that guy
look like Jon Snow? There.

Oh!

Yeah.

Kit Harrington.

My dad probably told you

I was supposed to get married.

Yes, I heard about that.

I am so sorry.
He's an asshole.

- Yeah.
- You know,

Benjamin's a cantor.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

I knew that.
Do you wanna meet him?

I'll introduce you to him.
He's a really good boy.

Oh, I'm sure.

Have you had anything to eat?

You should try
the cheese, it's--

It's really good.
Let me get you a cracker.

Okay.

Here you go.
Thanks.

Yeah. Let me hold that for you.

Yeah, I know how it can be.

You know, we tend to forget
to eat, and that's normal.

It's okay.

Okay, I'm gonna
introduce you to Benjamin.

Benjamin.
Yes?

- Come over here.
- Yes.

Where'd she go? Oh, here.

Uh, this is Gabby.

Gabby, Benjamin.
Gabby.

Hi!
Nice to meet you.

Rabbi Bruce's daughter.

That's what I thought. Okay.

The middle one on the tie.
That's me.

Did you know that she used
to live in New York?

- This is New York.
- New York, New York.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Gabby is an accomplished
actress.

Really? What kind of acting?

Like-- You know, like little--
Little plays.

Right.
Auditioning for Jewish parts

that went to shiksa actors, so--

Well, you're a very
believable Jew,

as far as I'm concerned.

Have you seen her
do impressions?

No. We just met.

Do your impression,

the one you told me
about earlier, go.

Um...

My, she's yar...

Fast.

Oh, no, that--

Okay, let me try again. Um...

It's okay.

My, she's yar...

Everything a boat should be.

Um...

That is so good!
Cool. No, it's good.

- She's so good, right?
- Really good. Yes.

You gonna tell me who it is,
or I have to...?

Oh, this is embarrassing.

It's okay. You're doing great.

- Doing really great, isn't she?
- Yeah.

Great. Yeah.
Katharine--

It's Katharine Hepburn
from Philadelphia Story.

I knew that. I knew that.

You guys get back to talking.
Nice to meet you. Excuse me.

Oh! Yes...
Really nice to meet you.

- You're gonna be around?
- Yeah, yeah.

Katharine Hepburn? Yeah, yeah.

The agent
in Tel Aviv was like...

At 7:35 in the morning,

I have a wonderful
number two.

At 7:35, I make a perfect
number two.

Like Mount Saint Helens
erupting.

First guy says, "What are you
complaining about?"

Third guy says,
"I don't get out of bed 'til 9."

All right...

I think that's the perfect segue

into bidding
for the Holocaust Torah.

Uh, that was--
That was more gross than dirty.

All right.
You're all in a good mood now.

We welcome
our wonderful congregant,

Judith Gottlieb.

Yes!

Thank you, Rabbi Bruce.

Uh...

They always make these things
too tall.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

You know,
I'll just do this.

That's good.
Hi!

Very good.

Hi. Thank you so much.

I'd just like to formally
welcome everyone

to the Holocaust Torah
Scroll Restoration fundraiser!

Thank you, thank you.

And thank you for that really
funny joke, Rabbi Bruce.

And, yes, I am Judith Gottlieb,

from the Temple Sinai
Board of Directors.

That's my mom.

And, um, I was born in Manila.

Yes.

I am just so happy

to be living here in Sedgewick,
New York, with all of you.

And with the love of my life.

That's my mom.

But my heart

lives in Jerusalem.

- Yes.
- Amen.

Thank you.

Let's start the bidding.

It sounds great. This is your--

Hey?
You're kind of up here, right?

Sing-- That's...

Is that what you were doing?

Okay. And then, um...

It's that...

It's the same note.

I see what you're saying.

- Here's a little secret.
- Okay.

Did you know that
I actually recorded an album?

Really?
For real.

When I was young--
I mean, I was very young.

I recorded
a professional album.

And?

And it did not go over
as well as I had hoped.

Wow.
1972.

It was a limited edition
of 1000,

and I have 900.

- Come on.
- Yes.

- You'll Live?
- I never made another one.

I had a family. I had Nat.
Get out of here.

And can you tell that's me?

Yes, I can tell that's you.

She was so pretty,
but I didn't know it.

When you say she, you mean you?
Yeah.

- You wanna hear it?
- Yes.

Know how
to play a phonograph?

Oh. May I?

Please do. If it works.
I hope it works.

I haven't listened
to anything on that

'cause, you know,
I listen on my...

On my cell phone.

I'm gonna hit "play."
Okay.

♪ When I was a single girl... ♪

That's nice.

Glad that we have that
in common, the music.

♪ Wish I was
A single girl again ♪

♪ Wish I was
A single girl ♪

Hmm!

♪ Again ♪

♪ When I was a single girl ♪

♪ Had shoes
Of the very best kind ♪

♪ Now that I'm a married girl ♪

♪ Go barefoot all the time ♪

♪ Wish I was a single girl... ♪

You have to be nice.

- Be surprised when you see her.
- Give a hug.

- I love Grandma.
- We love Grandma.

- They love Grandma.
- Pretty obvious.

You'll learn.

Do us a favor,
be excited for Grandma.

You're excited, right, guys?

No one's excited for Grandma.

I want to prepare us...

Surprise!
Surprise!

Guys!
Surprise, Mom.

I didn't know you-- Darcy!
Oh, let me see my girls.

Oh, my God.
Are you about 28 now?

You're 8 feet tall each now,
right?

Hi, Mom.
Oh, honey.

- I didn't know you were--
- Hi.

- I know.
- Look at you. Hello.

Hope you don't mind us
dropping in.

Oh, my God, I'm so excited.

- Hi.
- Who are you?

I'm Ben. You must be Nat.

We went to Coolidge together.

I don't remember you.

He's my room renter--

Why are you in my pajamas?

Because I-- Because I slept here
last night.

He slept here
because I'm renting him a room.

Why did he sleep here
last night?

I rent my rooms. You know that.

I need people here,
and I have to do that.

- Okay.
- Ben.

Hi. Darcy. Nice to meet you.
Hello. Hi.

Ben Gottlieb.
Hello, Ben.

- The girls.
- My beautiful girls.

- Hi there. All right.
- Gorgeous girls.

Look at them, how polite.
Okay, here's my idea.

Let's go out to dinner tonight,
with Ben.

Wouldn't that be nice?
Fancy dinner?

Fancy, fancy. What do you think?

Have a suit I could borrow?
We're here to see you.

Okay. You're seeing me.
You see me, and you see Benny.

And we're all seeing each other.
Isn't that cool?

It'll be nice.
Shotgun!

- It'll be nice.
- Mom!

Meira? Meira? Mom!

Mom!

What?
Meira!

What's wrong?

Just...

Oh, you look so nice.

But then you always
look so nice.

Dad's old tie.

But... is this my suit?

Mm-hmm.

Well, looks good.

Fits you.

You haven't been home
a couple of nights recently.

You knew that?

I know a lot of things.

You sleeping with someone?

I guess you could say that.

Look at you.

I know you can get so sad,
Benny, I'm sorry.

That's from me.

It's in our blood.

I want you to be happy.

It's just, sometimes,

I don't always know
how to do it.

You need to eat something.

I can tell,
your blood sugar's low.

Oh, look,
Mom's boyfriend is here.

Nat, please.

Hey.
How are you?

You're wearing a pantsuit?

Uh, yeah,
it's my mom's.

Can you just slide in?
Girls, sit down.

Girls, you remember
my friend Ben.

- Hello.
- Yes.

Ben.
Yes?

I've been wanting to tell you

that I am the biggest fan

of your wife's book.

- Oh, uh...
- It was just so amazing.

Good evening. Bienvenue.
What book?

Can we get you started
with some drinks?

Yes, you can.

I'll do a Laphroaig, neat.

She'll do the house white.

And milk for the girls? Yeah?

Uh-- Uh, I'm gonna have
a vodka on the rocks with--

Mom, no vodka. No vodka.

Let's just do a sparkling water.

And you're good?
Yeah.

You've got me on these--
Mudslide.

- Mudslides.
- Yeah, so, Ben,

can you bring us up to speed?

What's--? You know,
what's going on

- between you and my mom here?
- Nat.

What? I mean,
it's a good question.

You invited him
to family dinner, okay?

So we're gonna talk.

Are you sick or something,
or...?

Uh-- Uh, listen.

I guess I've been doing

a lot of, uh,
thinking and searching lately.

That's-- That is healthy.

- You know, I support that.
- Thank you.

The other thing is,

I'm aware of your feelings
about this kind of thing.

Mom. Mom, Mom,
what is going on?

Well, I was just...

What are you--?
Can you just tell me?

What exactly
do you do, Ben?

I work at Temple Sinai.

- Temple Cyanide?
- Sinai.

He's the cantor there.

I'm a cantor.
It's a synagogue.

Oh, okay.

Well, Mom,
what are you doing there?

Me or you? Who would you...?

Would you mind?

Your mother has decided,

uh, to have her bat mitzvah,

and I'm gonna give it to her.

Wait, no, no, no.

Yeah, yeah. It's exciting.

Yeah. No, I know, it's-- I know.

No! Are you--?

This is hilarious.
This is classic Carla.

This is hilarious, Mom.
Why is it hilarious?

First of all,
she's not 13 years old.

More importantly,
she's not Jewish.

That's not accurate.

Mom, only Grandpa
was Jewish, right?

I mean, by your rules, doesn't
that mean she's not Jewish?

Well, that's still
open for debate.

That isn't open for debate.

Her mother was Episcopalian,
my father is Catholic.

Menus, anyone?

Uh, yeah.

Here.

This is a...
menu for the...

Girls, do you want...? Maybe--
Should I just order for you?

Okay.

Did I read that book?

I don't think so,
and you would love it.

I appreciate that very much.

You're a quarter Jewish,

so if you wanna
have a bar mitzvah,

we can talk about that too.

- Okay.
- See, that could be good.

Would you like to hear
about the specials today?

- No.
- Okay, very good.

I don't want you to think
I'm anti-Semitic.

I would say
I'm anti-anti-Semitic.

Me too.
But I do wanna tell you

that I am a devout atheist.

Well, I just have no interest

in organized religion
of any kind.

So if that's something you wanna
waste your time with, Mom,

that is, like, your business,

and something
I can't be involved with.

That's right.
It's my business.

Yeah. I respect that, truly.

You have no idea.

Typically, the family, though,

is involved in the ceremony
in some way.

It's quite important.

All due respect,
I don't want my girls,

you know,
exposed to that kind of thing.

What exactly would we do?
Darcy!

- I'm curious.
- Typically,

you would say a blessing
over the Torah.

Isn't that nice?

That would be so fun,
wouldn't it?

Mom.
And considering,

well, in Carla's position,

it's a little different,

so you could fulfill
some of the roles

that the parents would.
You could say the sheheheyanu.

- The what?
- It's a thanks to God

- and expressing your devotion.
- Great. Thanks, God.

You're being grateful
for being alive.

Great. For God.

You could present her
with the tallit.

A prayer shawl.
Seems easy.

You could give her candy.

Candy!
Sounds fun, right?

Do you like fruit or chocolatey?

Mom, what do you think
Dad would think of this?

Well, I don't really know,
honey,

because your father
has been dead for a long time.

Have we made some choices?

No. No.

- Just give us a minute.
- Yeah, very good.

Okay, listen...

Ben, you're gonna
have to excuse us.

We're gonna need to have
an O'Connor-only night.

Well, you just got here.
You're gonna leave?

Oh. I get it.

Um...

Carla.

I-I-I really-- I apologize, Ben.

I-I'm so sorry.

Nothing to apologize for.
No, I apologize.

I understand.

I mean, do you mind?

I'm sorry, Ben.

Ah! Nat, you are so lucky

to have Carla as your mother
and in your family.

She-- She really embodies
what Judaism's all about.

Bye. Sorry.

Good night.

Yeah, I just-- I...

He's-- I don't--

Now you can visit
the office anytime.

- When do you plan to go back?
- To the city?

- Yeah.
- Um...

- Oh, well... Uh...
- Ooh. Ooh!

Look who's here.
Hey.

- Hello.
- Welcome home, Benjamin.

Hi, Ben.
You look nice.

- Thanks.
- Gabby and I were talking

about some possible
employment opportunities

at Back 2 Realty.

Right?
Yeah!

Just while she's waiting for,

you know, some roles
to come along.

Yeah. Great idea, right?

- Yeah, it's very great.
- Yeah.

Why don't you join us?

So you'll be in town
for a little while, or...?

You know what?
I don't wanna meddle.

I'm gonna leave you two
to catch up.

Okay. Thank you.
Okay?

Good night.
Good night.

You're always welcome
in our home, okay?

That's so sweet.

Good night.

You'll be here for a while?

Uh, yeah.

Well, um, I was, uh...

You go back, or...?

Oh, you know what?
Sorry, do you want...?

Oh.
...one of these?

Would you like
one of these?

Yeah, okay. Thanks.

Mmm!

Oh!

Um...

...so I was engaged.

Yeah. Everything was booked.

Yeah.
I lost all the deposits.

Your father, Rabbi Bruce,
told me.

Yeah.
Very sorry to hear that.

Yeah. So--

My wife died.

It was a year ago.

Well, more than.

I know.

Judith told me, actually.

Oh, she did. That's good.

I'm so sorry.

She was a writer, right?

She was an alcoholic novelist.

Judith said she was
really accomplished.

That's right, yep.

Um, so there's a book
back there.

Shoot, it's up--

You don't have to get it.
I'll get it for you.

Can I?
You could look. Third shelf.

Okay.

Next to that--
Is it...?

Yeah. That's the one.

Publishers Weekly called it

a intimate
and revealing portrait

of contemporary fiction.

She was so beautiful.

Yeah, she was actually 600 pages
into a new book

about a cantor living
in a small northeastern town,

but she didn't finish it
before she died.

Can I borrow it?

I'll give it back.

Keep it.

Really?

I read it.

Okay.

So, uh, how long
you here for, in town?

Uh...

Carla, uh, it was really nice

meeting your family tonight.

Um, thank you for inviting me.

While we're talking about that,
I was thinking we should meet

at the temple
for our next class,

at least while your family's
in town.

Uh, I wanna make sure
that we have the space we need.

Yeah, this is Cantor Ben,
by the way.

And, uh...

Carla!

Carla.

Hi!

Is Katharine Hepburn there?

I'm just kidding.
Hi, this is Cantor Ben.

Would you wanna
hang out sometime?

Outside of a Holocaust
Torah Scroll fundraiser?

Yeah! Um, I'd love to.

I was actually waiting
for you to call.

Hmm.

What are you doing, like, now?

- Oh, well, right now
- I'm gonna go hang out

at the Temple Israel Cemetery.

Cool! I'll meet you there.

- Are you--? No, no, no.
- Well, I was thinking--

Yeah, I've been meaning
to see my bubbe.

So I will come find you.

Hi!

I haven't been here forever.

I come a lot, actually.

I finished Ruth's book.

Can I give you
an honest opinion?

Yeah, sure.

It made me excited.

Sexually.

Well, she was good at that.

Was she, um...

like that in real life?

She used to take
these long walks.

You know, to think
about her book,

writing, and she would leave me
these voice messages.

Dirty voice messages.

Do you still have them?

All of them.

You never deleted
any of them?

No. I just paid
for a bigger storage plan.

Can I listen to one?

I'm a fan of her work.

Can't believe
I'm doing this.

You have 762 saved messages.

Saved message.

You're with her right now,
aren't you?

I'm gonna sit in the corner
and watch what she does to you.

She pushes you down
onto the bed,

undoes your pants,
takes out your cock.

She looks at it,
I look at her looking at it.

She puts the head in her mouth,

but she doesn't put her lips
around it,

so you feel her breath
on your cock.

She reached--
VOICEMAIL: Message saved.

You have--

Pretty good.

I shouldn't have had you
listen to that.

No, no. I, uh...

I liked it.

Can I have the phone?

No.

You have 762 saved messages.

Saved message.

You're with her right now...

You're with her right now,
aren't you?

I'm gonna sit in the corner
and watch what she does to you.

I'm gonna sit
in the corner

and watch
what she does to you.

She pushes you down
onto the bed,

undoes your pants...

She puts the head--

...takes out your cock.

She's looking at it.

I look at her looking at it.

She takes the head in her mouth,

but she doesn't
put her lips around it.

So you can feel
her breath on your cock.

Unbuckle your belt.

Someone got a ride.

Gossip is the greatest sin
in Judaism.

I know.

Hmm. Very good.

Ugh!

Fix this door!

- Carla?
- Is this Ben?

Yes.
This is Dr. Palant

at Mount Sinai Hospital.

Okay.
Carla's had an accident.

She asked us
to call her son Ben.

Is she okay?
She had an attack and fell.

We think it was--

- Ben. Carla. Hi.
- Ben. Benny?

Benny. Okay.
Shh. No, sit down.

Benny. Nat didn't answer.
But you came here.

Of course I did.
I-I-I--

This hasn't happened to me
in a long time.

Do you ever feel like...

your brain is just having
a heart attack?

All the time.

You do?

I don't know
what that is.

Let's go straight up here
to your room there.

Thank you.

Go on. Nice and easy.

Oh, boy.

Surprise!

Oh, my God.

What'd you get me?

Have a look.

Oh, no.
Two house specials.

One kosher.

I want to go through with it.

But a year is too long.

Yeah, it's too long.
Mm-hmm.

So can we have
a shotgun bat mitzvah?

Mmm. I can look into it.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God. This is so good.

This is pretty amazing.

Every time I eat this,
it's a surprise.

Yes. I know.
Every time, it's like brand-new.

Oh, no.
Mmm. Never fails.

Never fails. Just-- What?
You have the kosher one.

Oh, no, no. Here, here, here.

It's okay. I'm fine.
Okay, here, here.

Rabbi.

Rabbi Bruce.
Ben.

Hello. How are you?

How are you?
I have something for you.

You left it in my car.

Your yarmulke.
You left it there.

I wanted to talk to you about

my adult bat-mitzvah student,
Carla Kessler.

Sure. Go ahead.

She's been making
tremendous progress.

Wonderful.
And I don't think

that we need the extra year.

I'd like to move her up
from next year

into this weekend
because she's ready.

And we gotta do it now--

This weekend?
This weekend.

So we can keep
the portion the same.

You want her to move
the whole thing up a year?

She's ready.
She's ready to pop right now.

I don't know, Ben.

That's an accelerated
timeline

for a bat mitzvah.

I understand, but I think
it'd be a great story.

It's inspiring
and it's wonderful.

There are reasons the bat
mitzvah is a year studying.

I'm excited. It's inspiring.

She did mention
that she was considering

making a sizable donation.

Very excited about that.

She is a teacher, right?

She was my teacher.
So one could see

why she might be able
to handle this.

Rabbi...
Someone of that ilk.

If anyone might
be able to do this...

If anyone can do it,
it will be her.

Well, listen, this synagogue
is nothing if not flexible.

And I've been carrying the ball,
singing, and we're managing.

The Myerson family, uh...

We have Rachel Myerson
booked that week.

That's right. She's not ready.

And forgive me, because that's
a reflection of me.

Rachel Myerson,
could she do it? Yes.

Is it gonna be great?

She's not doing the homework.
I've tried.

This is a big room.

Of course.
A big space to fill.

You know, she's shy.

She doesn't have the thing.

Okay, I suppose I could talk
to the Myersons.

May I suggest co-headlining?

I would like to have
Carla Kessler open for Rachel.

If we could have another reason
for people to be there--

Other than Rachel.
Yes.

Maybe this would be
a relief for them.

Let me talk
to the Myersons, and...

I think we can make this happen.

Okay. Thank you.
Okay.

Rabbi Bruce said yes.

I'm so happy.
I just feel like I could cry.

I know. Me too.
My God. I can't--

Hey.
Yeah?

The night before
the ceremony,

why don't you come
to our Shabbat dinner?

You can meet my family.

You have to wait.

May I cut in?

A dance with my son? Of course.

I'm not feeling
any of your pain right now.

Mmm. Right. Exactly.

What a nice surprise.

Maybe this weekend

I could pose
for one of your paintings?

Really?

Okay, you gotta hurry up
and get to temple on time.

I got to finish cooking.
We'll meet you at shul, okay?

- Okay.
- You okay there?

I can't find the garlic thing.
I'll just do it by hand.

I'd like to bring a guest
to dinner tonight, if possible.

Who is it?
My bat mitzvah student.

You're inviting a child?

She's a little older.

Ceremony's tomorrow. I thought
it'd be a nice gesture.

Make her feel
part of the community.

Okay. Oh, I think
that's a lovely idea.

- Of course she's welcome.
- Great.

One more place setting.
What's that, Mom?

Stop it. We'll be there soon.

What did I do
with that garlic thing?

Why did you say yes to that?

Why wouldn't I?

It's with our family

and Rabbi Bruce's family.

Tonight's all about
Gabby and Benjamin.

Why don't you tell him?
I'm sorry.

Can't do that.
I mean, you already said yes.

You can't take it back.

Look at all the food we have.

Shabbat shalom.

Shabbat shalom.

Cantor Ben and I
are delighted

to welcome you all
to our Friday night service.

Great to see
some new faces here.

Keep it coming.

The shul welcomes everyone,

regardless of appearance,
orientation,

uh, creed, or, uh,

all of it.

Um...

Let us begin
our Friday night service

with Kabbalat Shabbat.

We will start
with "Yedid Nefesh."

"Yedid Nefesh."

Page 636 in your prayer books.

You should sing.

OH, they're here.

I'll get it.
I'll get it. Come on, Benjamin.

- Leave those there.
- Judith had that.

I got you.
Might be my student. I got it.

Hi! Welcome!

Hi.

Good Shabbat.

Hello. How are you?
Hi! Good. Yeah.

How you been?
Good.

Look at this.
We're all together.

Thank you so much, Cindy.

Ben, take care of their coats?

- Thank you so much.
- Beautiful jacket.

Let me put this...

- I can just bring it.
- No, I got it.

Are you sure?
Yeah. Bring it down with you.

All right. There they go.

There they go.

That door.

We're gonna get it fixed.
How you been?

You know, fine.

You good?
Yeah. Great.

Yeah.
Great.

Oh.

You forgot this.

Right.

You can have this back.

No, it... You can just--

Excuse me.

Yes. Coming. I'll get it!

I'll get it, Judith.
That's for me. I'll get it!

Yes, how can I help you?

Hey.
Oh, yes...

I-- Benny invited me
for your dinner.

This is Carla. This is Judith.

- Oh. Your student.
- This is Carla.

I know I'm a little older
than you're thinking.

No. Please come in.
This is my mother Judith.

Thank you for the flowers.

So generous of-of-of you to...

Yes, yes.

Please have a seat.

I'll just put these in water.

The rabbi. The rabbi is here.

- Rabbi Bruce.
- Hi, Rabbi.

- Cindy.
- This is such an honor.

Tomorrow's her big ceremony.

And your beautiful wife?

This is Cindy, yes.

And my mom, Meira.
My God, look at you!

- Look at that painting.
- I know.

This is the artist.
There she is.

- You painted that?
- That's the artist.

So nice to meet-- Oh, thank you.
May I?

Of course.

Welcome.
I want to just thank you.

You invited me,
and I thank you so much.

- Well, of course.
- What a gorgeous house.

And it smells so good.

Yes.
So good.

You look so familiar to me.

Oh, you know why?

- Why?
- Well...

I was Benny's music teacher

when he was Little Benny.

Oh, my God!
At school.

Mrs. O'Connor.

Hello. Well, it's very nice
to see you again.

- Thank you for having me.
- Get everybody a drink.

Dinner will be ready
in one minute.

This is Gabbi,
the Rabbi's daughter.

- Gabbi. Nice to meet you.
- "Gabby." "Gabby."

Oh, Gabby. Oh, my God.

What a beautiful daughter
you are.

Oh, that's so sweet that you...

Chic.
...music. Oh, thank you.

- Very chic.
- I'll take your jacket.

Yes, please.
I'm gonna take this downstairs.

Yeah, why don't we have a seat
right over here?

Ben, hurry, 'cause the food...

This is so nice.

Ben gave you the tour?

That's written by King Solomon,
extolling the Jewish woman.

All her hard work
that she puts into building

a very beautiful
and loving home.

Beautiful.

Thank you.

♪ Amen ♪

- Excuse me. I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

We'll have white with dinner,
if anybody prefers that.

- But for now...
- I like the red.

- Say when.
- You like the red better?

I don't know
about the tradition,

but I like the red.

- L'chaim.
- L'chaim.

- Shabbat.
- Did you do that one?

Yes, all of these
are my paintings.

That's oil.

That was my early work.
Oil and palette knife.

One, two...

Just take my napkin. It's fine.

Smells good.

Okay.

Look at that.
Oh! Do I just take a piece?

Yeah, pass it around.

Here, you guys.
I know everybody's hungry.

Nice and warm.
Oh, wait!

Before everybody starts,
I just wanna take a picture.

We're not allowed to do that.

God will forgive us.
Okay, stand over there.

I'm gonna get everybody
together.

Stand around there.
Carla is here too.

Stand on the other side.
Maybe we all just sorta like...

Get everybody in.
Should I be in it?

We should all be not leaning,
but just skyscrapers.

Okay, and we're gonna say...

I'll be in the back.
..."Shabbat shalom!"

- Shabbat shalom.
- Yes!

- Okay, bon appétit, everyone.
- Bon appétit.

Oh, wait,
I'd like to welcome the rabbi

and his beautiful wife,

and especially Gabby
to our family.

- L'chaim.
- L'chaim.

Mm-hmm.
L'chaim.

And thank you
for inviting me.

- Oh, it's our pleasure.
- Okay, dig in.

This is a vinaigrette,

and then there's
a ranch dressing.

- Oh, thank you.
- It's gorgeous.

- I'll pass the challah.
- It's so good.

Is the meat too cooked?

- It's good? Okay.
- Perfectly done.

I make a really good kugel.

- You do?
- Yeah, but noodle kugel.

What is your--?

It's my Aunt Cecil's recipe.

Better than this?
Yeah, it's sweet.

- Judith, Gab--
- No!

Judith...
Don't.

She makes a kugel as well.

- She does?
- But it's a sweet one.

So it's no competition.

You never cooked
when you were home.

What are you talking about?

- You tasted her kugel?
- I was 16.

- I haven't tasted it.
- Make one for Ben.

I'll eat it.

Oh, it sounds good.

My mother taught me.
It's just by osmosis.

My son, my very own son,
hated my cooking.

This is the ranch.
Already talking about kugel.

Are you okay?
Just thinking about something.

You know, I'd also like
to propose a toast.

I'd like to propose this toast
to Gabby for, you know,

bringing such joy
into our home,

into our lives.

Isn't it wonderful when someone
new comes into our little world

- and just makes it so radiant?
- Yes.

- To Gabby.
- Anybody want challah?

I wanna say, Judith?

Yes, Benjamin?

I think that you
are such a great, um...

You know, letting me live here
for a while.

And, uh, yeah, just very...

Letting you live here?

This is your home.
You're welcome here, Benjamin.

- Always.
- This is also your home.

P.S. P.S.

Thank you to Carla.

You know, more than anything,

uh, she, you know,
just taught me that, uh,

it's okay to be loud,

and to make a mess,

and to be sloppy,

and that music
is the sound you make.

And everyone makes
their own sound,

and every bird
has their own sound.

And, uh, I-- I...

I could just jump into
your heart and live in there,

if that'd be okay with you,
if they let me move out of here.

Oh, my God. Thank you.
Oh, my God.

Benny was a very
devoted teacher.

He really cared.

You were devoted to me.

I'm devoted to you.

Teachers always
love their students

- Anybody else?
- I'm so grateful to you.

- Congratulations.
- Yes.

To your bat mitzvah.
You have a big day tomorrow.

Thank you.
So eat up.

Don't even talk about it.
You're gonna do beautifully.

I don't remember my bat mitzvah.

Oh, mine was in April 1st, 2006.
Yeah.

After I converted.
Right, Meira?

She was magnificent.

Thank you.

Tell you the truth, I'm nervous.

- You know it. She knows it.
- She's got-- And you feel it.

How long have you been
studying with Benjamin?

Well, three weeks?

- Mmm, yeah.
- Oh, it's young.

When is one allowed to study
for three weeks

and have a bat mitzvah?

'Cause, you know,
during my time,

I studied for a year.

Yeah. This was a--

This was a different, uh,
arrangement, yeah.

Oh.

You said she's ready.
She is ready.

He is a man of integrity.

You got a good boy there.

There is a rule that you need

to at least go through
a year of study.

Is that a rule? I didn't know
anything about a rule.

Judith is very comforted
by rules.

Rules are important
to keep your life organized.

Rabbi?

I have to say,
I told him I'm a fast study.

We'll talk about it later.

- It's an arrangement.
- He's a great teacher.

There are rules and customs.

- Yeah, that's true.
- Customs and rules.

A fast learner.

You have a very
intelligent adult--

I was an adult when I had
my bat mitzvah, I was 35.

I've seen her do stuff
in the last three weeks.

It's interesting
the way the brain works.

Maybe because you are inclined
to learning and to teaching,

- and it goes hand in hand.
- What a great observation.

May I say that this is such
a beautiful home you have here.

Thank you.

It's huge. So big.

We can give you a little tour
later, if you'd like.

Gabby already got the tour.

I don't think Ben
would lie to me

if he didn't think I was ready.

He--
- Oh, I'm sure.

So where do you live?
In an apartment or a house or--?

I live in a house.

Little house
in the arts district.

The arts district.
Arts district. That's so far.

That's really out there.
You know, I work in real estate.

I can help you find a place
closer to downtown.

- Well, I love it there.
- You do?

Yeah, I really love it there.
It's peaceful out there.

Mm-hmm.
You've been to her house?

Yeah. For the-- For our--

We do many-- We'll do lessons
out there sometimes.

- We've done of work there.
- Is that normal?

They have to concentrate.

Yeah, it's just
a different thing.

- Yeah.
- It's accelerated.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Hardly conventional.

When I was shopping for this,
do you know that they make

gluten-free challah?

I wasn't gonna make a toast.

I wanna loosen it up.
Can we play Telephone?

We play it in the class.
I say a thing.

Bah-bah-bah! Then we get back
here and see if it's the same--

- So we whisper it?
- What's the prize?

- Yes.
- We have prizes.

There's no prizes.

Let's play!
I'm gonna whisper it to you.

Assuming the reward
is knowing that, as a team,

you consistently
said the message,

and that's the reward.
Surely. Yeah. Rabbi Bruce.

- Okay.
- Who's starting?

I'll, uh...

- Wait, say it one more time.
- Mm-mm.

No, you can't. You can't.

Mm-hmm.
Only can hear it one time.

Talk among yourselves.

Hope I did the right thing.

A green bean is an odd thing.

The beans are inside.

Who needs something?

Hit me.

- Close. Okay. Ready?
- Okay, okay.

All right, tell us what she said
and what the original was.

Okay.

"I love you, ice cream cones."

- Yes.
- That's what I said.

Very close.
What was it?

Not what I said.
What was it?

- What was the original?
- We need to know.

"I love you, ice cream cones"?

I said,
"I love you, Carla Kessler,

ice cream cones."

- So, what did you hear?
- I didn't think

that was part of the whisper.

I thought, "I love you,
ice cream cones."

I guess I was the--
Is that what I said?

That's so funny,
a whole section got dropped.

You love ice cream cones.
It's fun, though.

I guess we hear
what we wanna hear, anyway.

It's just a game.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Does anybody need any wine?

It's like a kid's game.

I love you, Carla Kessler...

ice cream cone.

Benjamin,
when you were really little,

the rabbi was talking
to the kids.

It was at the children's
service, about gossip,

and how dangerous gossip is,

and he took out
a tube of toothpaste,

and he had a piece of paper
up on the bimah,

and he squeezed out
the whole tube of toothpaste.

He had all the little kids
come up and say,

"Put the toothpaste
back in the tube."

And you can't, and that's what
he said about gossip.

There's another parable
that's very similar

that involves feathers
in a pillow.

- They blow everywhere.
- And that's the--

I wanna thank the rabbi,
big Bruce, for helping me--

- Little Ben.
- Little Ben and Big Bruce.

That's right. I think you've got
a great daughter.

- Thank you.
- And, uh...

And I wanna also say, um...

It is extremely rare
to find someone...

um...

who gives your life meaning.

Who restores faith

that you thought was way gone.

To see the world
through someone else's eyes.

- Listen to him.
- You know, new eyes.

Stop, stop.

And, uh...

I never...

thought I could feel this...

love for you, Carla.

I-- I love you.

What are you doing, Benjamin?
What are you doing?

Benny.

I'm in love with Carla.

What does that mean?
It means I love her.

- Are you fucking kidding me?
- What does this mean?

What do you mean?

Do you love him? Is that it?
You're in love?

- Judith...
- Who wants babka?

We haven't had dessert.
To teachers and students.

Carla, did you put him
up to this?

Excuse me?
Now, you were his teacher.

So that means you groomed him?

What?
Oh, my God!

Excuse me?

She groomed you in school.

And now you're in love with her?

So this is some kind of plan?

He's been a lover
since he was a little boy.

It's just he's got a big heart.
He always--

I don't know
what he's talking about.

You're happy?
I'm happy!

He's happy.
I'm happy!

Yes, we know.
It's amazing!

Are you okay?

No, I'm-- I'm so fine!

I'm so happy for you!

You're laughing.

Are you laughing or crying?

What's happening?
Are you laughing?

Don't embarrass her more.
Just leave her alone.

She had a hard year.

I had a hard year!

Is she laughing? 'Cause...

I'm not so--

I'm totally fine!

I'm totally... okay.

I'm so disappointed in you,
Benjamin.

Okay.
So wrong.

Anyone is entitled
to love anyone,

but not while pretending

and giving other people
the impression

that he loves someone else.

What? Nothing happened!

Nothing happened.
It's fine. It's fine.

We had no idea.

He has such a big heart.

All right. All right.

A person loves who they love.

Are you in love with him?

- Oh, God. I--
- Don't answer.

You just confessed something,
and she can't answer?

- Professed. I professed.
- I didn't confess, I professed.

Then she has to profess.
I...

I am sorry.

I need a minute to think about--

More than a minute.

I should go.

Benny?

Thanks for inviting me.

So handsome.

Does anybody need any--?
I love you.

Well, I love you, Benny,
but I'm confused.

Are you--?

Jesus Christ.
What the hell are you doing?

- We should talk about this.
- You're not serious.

Oh, God. I think
I'm gonna be sick.

Are you serious?

That's who my Benny is.

Wait a sec.

I'm gonna-- This is time
for me to leave.

Tomorrow is her bat mitzvah!

I don't know about that.

What do you mean?
Thank you for coming, I guess.

We'll talk about
the bat mitzvah.

Why is everyone acting
like they're crazy? Oh, my God!

Stop.

We were gonna have a nice...

Carla.

...Shabbas meal with the rabbi

- and his family.
- Meira.

Carla!

Car-- Carla!

Carla!

Somebody should
walk her to the door.

- I'm sorry.
- Meira, Meira, sit.

Oh, Rabbi, you're gonna
still do the bat mitzvah?

How? Seriously...

Carla!

The door isn't working! Carla!

Benny, it's your mother.
Now it closes?

Carla, I love you! I love you!

- Mom!
- I love you too, sweetie.

- Benjamin, open the door.
- I can't!

We have an ax, right?

Think about someone
other than yourself.

Go get her, Ben.

Oh!

You're okay.

I've been thinking.

We really need to do
my bat mitzvah today.

I don't think...

we'll be welcome
at the temple anymore.

Well, you know, the first
bat mitzvah was done at home.

I told you that.

This is your home.

Just follow me. But do not trip.

Mm-hmm.
- Be careful.

It's kind of steep.
Yeah.

You with me?
Yeah, I'm with you.

So beautiful.

Oh, my God.
Look how beautiful.

I thought just over there,
right?

- Here?
- Yeah.

Carla...

welcome to the next part
of your life.

From here on out...

what you do,
who you are...

it's up to you
and only you.

Amen.

Thank you, Ben. Amen.

So...

Hmm.

Well, what should we do now?

Traditionally,
we'd have a party.

Oh, a party.

Let's have a party.

Okay.

♪ Give me your hand ♪

♪ And I'll give you mine ♪

♪ Follow me ♪

♪ And my bottle of wine ♪

♪ And we'll dance
'Neath the stars ♪

♪ Dance 'neath the stars ♪

♪ Haven't got a care ♪

♪ Breathing country air ♪

♪ Holding hands with you ♪

♪ This is a memory
We'll share ♪

♪ Tell me secrets ♪

♪ And tell me your dreams ♪

♪ I'll tell stories ♪

♪ Of my various schemes ♪

♪ I love clowning around ♪

♪ Clowning around ♪

♪ I have my whole life long ♪

♪ I'll keep it going on ♪

♪ Every day I make
Someone laugh so hard ♪

♪ That they cry out tears ♪

♪ And their stomachs scarred ♪

♪ As I dance with you ♪

♪ I'll make you laugh too ♪

♪ And you'll finally see ♪

♪ I make you happy ♪

♪ This is a fantasy
It's true ♪

♪ Let us giggle ♪

♪ And look at the lake ♪

♪ Hope I'll see
That you're smiling fake ♪

♪ Life is a dream
Life is a dream ♪

♪ Nothing can go wrong
Nothing can go wrong ♪

♪ We'll catch frogs
And sit on logs ♪

♪ And our night
Will last long ♪

♪ Every day I make
Someone laugh so hard ♪

♪ That they cry out tears ♪

♪ And their stomachs scarred ♪

♪ As I dance with you ♪

♪ I'll make you laugh too ♪

♪ And you'll finally see ♪

♪ I make you happy ♪

♪ This is a fantasy
It's true ♪

♪ Give me your hand ♪

♪ And I'll give you mine ♪

♪ Follow me
And my bottle of wine ♪

♪ And we'll dance
'Neath the stars ♪

♪ Dance 'neath the stars ♪

♪ Haven't got a care ♪

♪ Breathing country air ♪

♪ Holding hands with you ♪

♪ This is a memory
We'll share ♪

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