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1
00:00:02,338 --> 00:00:03,541
Dino: I am honored
and grateful that you have
2
00:00:03,608 --> 00:00:05,210
invited me here today
on the day of
3
00:00:05,310 --> 00:00:06,780
your son's third birthday.
4
00:00:06,914 --> 00:00:08,550
May this Paw Patrol figurine
bring him
5
00:00:08,617 --> 00:00:11,489
great joy for 10 minutes before
he throws it in a toy bin
6
00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:15,965
and goes back to his iPad,
Donna Cordero.
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00:00:16,098 --> 00:00:19,238
Donna: Thank you, Dino.
Anthony!
8
00:00:19,338 --> 00:00:21,442
Take that skee ball
out of your mouth.
9
00:00:22,879 --> 00:00:24,182
You're light this month.
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00:00:24,249 --> 00:00:25,652
Either you're holding out on me,
11
00:00:25,752 --> 00:00:27,822
or people have figured out
how to have fun
12
00:00:27,889 --> 00:00:29,258
at parties without drugs.
13
00:00:29,358 --> 00:00:31,564
Dino: Nobody buys drugs
from guys like me anymore.
14
00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:34,101
They want white girls
in crop tops and dreads.
15
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,070
I need more time.
16
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:36,206
Donna: Time is something
17
00:00:36,373 --> 00:00:39,747
I'm in--uhh--short supply of.
18
00:00:39,847 --> 00:00:41,116
[Women groaning]
19
00:00:41,216 --> 00:00:43,521
Dino: I-I didn't realize
you were so far along.
20
00:00:43,588 --> 00:00:46,125
Donna: My doctor says
I'm already dilated.
21
00:00:46,259 --> 00:00:49,164
[Gun clicks]
9 millimeters.
22
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,202
[Gunshot]
23
00:00:51,336 --> 00:00:56,313
♪
24
00:00:56,379 --> 00:00:59,619
Boy: Daddy, I won a toy.
25
00:01:01,289 --> 00:01:03,561
[Theme music playing]
26
00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:20,762
♪
27
00:01:20,895 --> 00:01:21,763
[Crack]
28
00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:26,573
Flute: Don't talk to them.
Don't talk to them.
Just go inside.
29
00:01:26,674 --> 00:01:28,544
Summers: Hey, Mrs. Maniscopa!
Mrs. Maniscopa: Oh, Gregory.
30
00:01:28,577 --> 00:01:30,748
Summers: Hey. Have you met
my new roommate?
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00:01:32,985 --> 00:01:34,021
Where did he--
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00:01:34,856 --> 00:01:36,426
Flute: Summers, I swear to God,
if you introduce me--
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00:01:36,459 --> 00:01:37,729
Summers: Oh, there you are.
34
00:01:37,796 --> 00:01:39,900
You gotta meet Lewis from 208.
35
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:42,371
[Flute coughing]
36
00:01:42,471 --> 00:01:43,641
[Ding]
37
00:01:45,544 --> 00:01:47,916
Summers: Didi!
Have you met--aah!
38
00:01:48,050 --> 00:01:49,351
[Didi screams]
39
00:01:50,555 --> 00:01:52,091
Summers: Why do you
have that on you?
40
00:01:52,158 --> 00:01:53,795
Flute: Because it always works.
If they check for
41
00:01:53,895 --> 00:01:55,030
an erection,
they know it's fake,
42
00:01:55,130 --> 00:01:56,900
but nobody ever does.
43
00:01:58,469 --> 00:01:59,740
Summers: Don't worry.
You'll get another chance
44
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,478
to meet the neighbors
at our annual HOA party.
45
00:02:02,613 --> 00:02:04,215
This year we're doing
a casino night.
46
00:02:04,348 --> 00:02:05,618
Flute: Nope. Not coming.
47
00:02:05,685 --> 00:02:07,188
I don't engage
with neighbors, Summers.
48
00:02:07,355 --> 00:02:08,690
The second you make eye contact,
49
00:02:08,791 --> 00:02:09,893
there's no escape.
50
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,362
They're like those
clipboard people
51
00:02:11,462 --> 00:02:13,568
outside of the grocery store
or Stan.
52
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,872
Summers: But you have to come.
Literally.
53
00:02:15,939 --> 00:02:17,307
The party is in our loft.
54
00:02:17,374 --> 00:02:18,911
Flute: What?
Look, I may let you
55
00:02:19,078 --> 00:02:21,349
cook all my dinners,
clean all my laundry,
56
00:02:21,449 --> 00:02:23,755
and fetch all my seltzers,
but I will not sit back
57
00:02:23,888 --> 00:02:26,459
and let you steamroll me
on the only thing
you've ever asked me for.
58
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,564
Cancel it.
And fetch me a seltzer.
59
00:02:28,664 --> 00:02:30,467
Summers: But you never want
to do what I want.
60
00:02:30,635 --> 00:02:33,641
Face masks, game night,
matching PJs.
61
00:02:33,741 --> 00:02:35,511
Friends should do anything
for each other.
62
00:02:35,645 --> 00:02:37,347
Flute: Oh, sweet Summers,
that's not true.
63
00:02:37,515 --> 00:02:40,220
Mostly because we're
not friends. We're roommates.
64
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:41,623
I'm supposed to lose your mail
65
00:02:41,690 --> 00:02:43,928
and see your pubes
on the toilet. That's it.
66
00:02:43,995 --> 00:02:45,532
Summers: Oh, OK.
67
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:48,036
I'll let everybody know
it's off.
68
00:02:48,103 --> 00:02:49,572
Flute: There you go.
69
00:02:52,044 --> 00:02:53,279
Seltzer.
70
00:02:53,413 --> 00:02:54,616
♪
71
00:02:54,717 --> 00:02:57,120
Kang: This is the Preggo
Crime Family.
72
00:02:57,254 --> 00:02:59,258
Because no sane person
would ever question
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00:02:59,391 --> 00:03:00,628
a pregnant woman
about anything,
74
00:03:00,761 --> 00:03:02,599
they've been able to
take over the underworld.
75
00:03:02,665 --> 00:03:04,536
Now they need a new
cocaine distributor
76
00:03:04,636 --> 00:03:07,141
and we're sending
one of you deep undercover.
77
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,677
Flute: You gotta
let me have this.
78
00:03:08,777 --> 00:03:10,682
The Undies Awards are coming up,
and this is exactly
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00:03:10,782 --> 00:03:13,687
the kind of case I need
to finally beat the feds.
80
00:03:13,821 --> 00:03:16,025
Announcer: And the winner
for best actor
81
00:03:16,126 --> 00:03:19,165
in an undercover operation
goes to...
82
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:22,271
the FBI for Operation Jaguar.
83
00:03:22,405 --> 00:03:25,410
The FBI for Undercover Sister.
84
00:03:25,511 --> 00:03:28,517
The FBI for
Mission Simp-possible.
85
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:31,556
The FBI for--
[People shouting]
86
00:03:31,656 --> 00:03:33,561
Flute: With this case,
I'm going to cream the Undies.
87
00:03:33,628 --> 00:03:35,197
It's got everything
the voters look for--
88
00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:38,504
drugs, strong female characters,
and the Cosa Nostra.
89
00:03:38,570 --> 00:03:40,575
It's the perfect job for...
90
00:03:40,675 --> 00:03:42,546
[Italian accent]
Roberto Stanlitucci.
91
00:03:42,679 --> 00:03:45,050
I grew up in the old country,
playing in my mother's
92
00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:47,689
olive garden on
the island of Boyardee.
93
00:03:47,822 --> 00:03:49,993
My parents had to escape
to America in a Panera
94
00:03:50,093 --> 00:03:53,166
after the neighbors found out
it wasn't delivery,
95
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,872
it was DiGiorno's.
96
00:03:56,573 --> 00:03:58,276
Martinez: Wow.
Flute: Yeah, I got a whole
97
00:03:58,376 --> 00:04:00,114
backstory for Stanlitucci.
98
00:04:00,247 --> 00:04:01,449
He's color-blind, bipolar,
99
00:04:01,550 --> 00:04:03,587
and he was born without ankles.
100
00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:05,792
Disabilities are total
Undies bait.
101
00:04:05,925 --> 00:04:08,931
Kang: Fine. You're in.
But this has to happen quick.
102
00:04:09,098 --> 00:04:12,405
The boss is almost full term,
and once she goes
on maternity leave,
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00:04:12,471 --> 00:04:14,308
we can't touch her
for two unpaid weeks.
104
00:04:14,442 --> 00:04:16,479
Flute: Summers and I got this.
It's gonna be interesting
105
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,049
trying to play someone
who's mentally ill.
106
00:04:18,183 --> 00:04:20,320
Kang: Mm-hmm.
Martinez: Real stretch.
107
00:04:20,454 --> 00:04:22,558
[Toilet flushes]
108
00:04:22,692 --> 00:04:24,863
Otis: Ha ha ha!
You wet farted in there.
109
00:04:24,997 --> 00:04:27,334
I heard it on my new
Snoops by Snoop Dogg.
110
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,837
Wynona: Ugh. Don't you have
a case to solve?
111
00:04:28,937 --> 00:04:31,176
Otis: No. Kang said
all the murders were
112
00:04:31,242 --> 00:04:32,579
too adult for me this week.
113
00:04:32,712 --> 00:04:35,450
Wynona: Aww.
Encyclopedia Brown-noser is
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00:04:35,585 --> 00:04:38,858
only allowed to handle
involuntary manslaughters.
115
00:04:38,958 --> 00:04:43,032
Otis: At least I can handle
dairy. Ha ha ha! Hey!
116
00:04:44,602 --> 00:04:46,607
[Mayor Dilquez
speaking indistinctly]
117
00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:48,810
Wynona: What's she talking
to the mayor about?
118
00:04:50,615 --> 00:04:51,850
Martinez: I sent it
in an e-mail.
119
00:04:51,984 --> 00:04:53,453
Mayor Dilquez:
Well, this money could be...
120
00:04:53,521 --> 00:04:54,455
Otis: There's a budget overage.
121
00:04:54,522 --> 00:04:55,490
Martinez has to spend 8K
122
00:04:55,591 --> 00:04:57,094
by Friday or lose it.
123
00:04:57,228 --> 00:04:58,496
Wynona: That's a lot of money.
124
00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:00,333
She's gonna need
some help spending that.
125
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,870
Otis: Oh, please.
I could spend that
126
00:05:01,937 --> 00:05:03,439
in my sleep.
And have.
127
00:05:03,574 --> 00:05:05,410
Once paid my doorman 10 grand
128
00:05:05,477 --> 00:05:07,048
to read me a bedtime story
129
00:05:07,114 --> 00:05:08,483
and another 5 to stop.
130
00:05:08,584 --> 00:05:11,322
The Serbian accent was not
designed to comfort.
131
00:05:11,456 --> 00:05:13,059
[In Serbian accent]
"Goodnight Moon."
132
00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:16,833
Donna: We need someone
who can move weight.
133
00:05:16,934 --> 00:05:18,169
Can you handle it?
134
00:05:18,236 --> 00:05:20,340
Stanlitucci: Handle it? Please.
135
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:21,844
I've spent my life
hiding the fact
136
00:05:21,977 --> 00:05:23,213
I ain't got no ankles,
137
00:05:23,313 --> 00:05:25,685
which ain't so easy
growing up on the shore.
138
00:05:25,785 --> 00:05:28,356
Every summer sitting in
that window wishing I had
139
00:05:28,489 --> 00:05:31,764
something, anything between
my shins and my feet.
140
00:05:31,897 --> 00:05:33,399
Donna: Just take the drugs
and come back
141
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:34,803
with the 50 grand
or we kill you.
142
00:05:34,903 --> 00:05:36,607
It's all in the Docusign
we emailed.
143
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,376
[Vehicle approaching]
144
00:05:38,476 --> 00:05:40,815
[Police radio chatter]
145
00:05:41,750 --> 00:05:44,923
Summers: Flute, we got company!
Abort! abort!
146
00:05:45,858 --> 00:05:47,127
[Indistinct shouting]
147
00:05:47,228 --> 00:05:48,931
Donna: Preggos, go!
Shuffle, shuffle!
148
00:05:49,031 --> 00:05:51,503
[Women grunting]
149
00:05:51,637 --> 00:05:53,406
Flute: This reeks of the FBI.
150
00:05:53,507 --> 00:05:55,377
But I am not letting
those bastards steal
151
00:05:55,477 --> 00:05:57,013
any more of my Undies.
152
00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:01,589
Aah! Uhh!
153
00:06:01,723 --> 00:06:02,925
Uhh.
154
00:06:03,026 --> 00:06:11,141
♪
155
00:06:11,242 --> 00:06:13,112
Wynona:
I'm asking Martinez to buy me
156
00:06:13,213 --> 00:06:14,783
an intestine yarner
for the morgue.
157
00:06:14,883 --> 00:06:17,589
Detangling them is impossible
to do alone
158
00:06:17,655 --> 00:06:19,760
and everyone who works here
is a puker.
159
00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:21,963
Apparently, the inside of
dead bodies have a smell.
160
00:06:22,097 --> 00:06:24,167
Otis: I'm gonna ask her
for a little sister.
161
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:25,571
-A sister?
-What?
162
00:06:25,671 --> 00:06:27,542
I need someone to
play around the office while
163
00:06:27,642 --> 00:06:29,345
the adults talk about
boring stuff like
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00:06:29,412 --> 00:06:30,848
whole grains
and interest rates.
165
00:06:30,948 --> 00:06:32,685
Plus,
the Ad-auction is tomorrow.
166
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:34,756
Announcer: Are you tired
of the long, tedious
167
00:06:34,856 --> 00:06:36,727
process of adopting children?
168
00:06:36,861 --> 00:06:39,733
Do you enjoy the fast-paced
excitement of an art auction?
169
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,971
Then come on down
to the Ad-auction,
170
00:06:42,004 --> 00:06:44,709
Grimsburg's number-one
adoption auction,
171
00:06:44,809 --> 00:06:46,913
this Monday, Monday, Monday,
172
00:06:46,980 --> 00:06:50,153
where you can meet
Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday,
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00:06:50,287 --> 00:06:52,458
just one of many
new orphans available
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00:06:52,592 --> 00:06:54,428
after their parents'
tragic demise,
175
00:06:54,495 --> 00:06:56,700
tragic demise, tragic demise.
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00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,171
Ad-auction. It's like
Sotheby's, but weirder.
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00:06:59,305 --> 00:07:00,808
All adoptions final.
No backsies.
178
00:07:00,875 --> 00:07:03,480
Otis: I bet 8 grand gets us
no behavioral issues
179
00:07:03,581 --> 00:07:05,050
and correctly spaced eyes.
180
00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:06,720
Wynona: We're getting
the intestine yarner.
181
00:07:06,854 --> 00:07:08,824
Otis: Nope!
You're wrong there, missy.
182
00:07:08,924 --> 00:07:11,864
We're buying a human child.
I've already named her.
183
00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:14,969
Charlotte Mary Elizabeth Kimbert
Von Hellmanns the third.
184
00:07:15,872 --> 00:07:18,009
[Grunting]
185
00:07:18,076 --> 00:07:21,783
I'm getting my shady allergist
to prescribe me growth hormones,
186
00:07:21,917 --> 00:07:23,486
and then it's on!
187
00:07:26,993 --> 00:07:28,597
Stanlitucci: What the--?!
Where the hell am I?!
188
00:07:28,664 --> 00:07:30,200
Summers: It's OK.
There was an explosion
189
00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:31,637
and you hit your head hard.
190
00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:33,673
But don't worry.
We're almost at the hospital.
191
00:07:33,774 --> 00:07:35,511
Stanlitucci: The hospital?
You crazy?
192
00:07:35,644 --> 00:07:36,880
It'll be crawling with cops.
193
00:07:37,014 --> 00:07:39,786
If there's one thing I hate,
it's the cops.
194
00:07:39,886 --> 00:07:42,625
Summers: Uh, but we are--
wait a second.
195
00:07:42,726 --> 00:07:44,529
Remind me of your name
one more time.
196
00:07:44,629 --> 00:07:46,634
Stanlitucci:
I am Roberto Stanlitucci,
197
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,069
a humble cocaine salesman,
198
00:07:48,169 --> 00:07:49,906
like my father
and his father before him.
199
00:07:50,039 --> 00:07:54,381
I guess you could say cocaine is
in my blood. Stream.
200
00:07:54,481 --> 00:07:56,018
Ha ha ha! God, I kill me.
201
00:07:56,118 --> 00:07:57,989
And I kill you if you don't
202
00:07:58,089 --> 00:07:59,358
take me somewhere safe.
203
00:07:59,491 --> 00:08:01,228
Ca-piece-K?
204
00:08:02,765 --> 00:08:05,136
-You mean "capisce"?
-Just drive!
205
00:08:09,044 --> 00:08:10,547
Stanlitucci: What's the deal
with this tiny room
206
00:08:10,681 --> 00:08:12,050
that has
a tiny meatball sub in it?
207
00:08:12,150 --> 00:08:13,720
Summers: Oh, that's
the apartment from "The Whale"
208
00:08:13,821 --> 00:08:15,992
that you, uh,
that my roommate made.
209
00:08:16,025 --> 00:08:17,427
He makes miniatures.
210
00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:19,465
Stanlitucci: Any fazool
who spends this much time
211
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:21,268
on such tiny details
has problems
212
00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:23,574
way bigger than
Mr. Whale himself.
213
00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:25,645
Also, this door swings
the wrong way.
214
00:08:25,778 --> 00:08:27,180
Man on phone: Grimsburg P.D.
Summers: Hi.
215
00:08:27,247 --> 00:08:29,886
I need to speak to
Chief Martinez. Like, now.
216
00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:32,925
Stanlitucci:
Greg, you sonofabot.
You saved my life today.
217
00:08:32,992 --> 00:08:35,531
I don't know who you were to me
before the amnesia,
218
00:08:35,665 --> 00:08:39,573
but from now on, you are...
my friend.
219
00:08:39,673 --> 00:08:41,577
-I am?
-Of course.
220
00:08:41,677 --> 00:08:43,714
And to prove it,
I'm gonna cook for you.
221
00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:46,219
You like chicken?
I can make parmesan. Piccata.
222
00:08:46,286 --> 00:08:47,555
Milanese. Vesuvio.
223
00:08:47,722 --> 00:08:51,697
How about a little
Chicken Maniscalco?
224
00:08:51,763 --> 00:08:53,133
Summers: I'm not familiar
with that dish.
225
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,437
Stanlitucci: No one is.
But let me tell you,
226
00:08:55,571 --> 00:08:57,709
it is shockingly rich.
227
00:08:57,809 --> 00:08:59,044
Martinez:
Summers, everything OK?
228
00:08:59,111 --> 00:09:01,148
Stanlitucci:
Everything OK, friend?
229
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:04,354
Summers, voice-over:
As far back as I can remember,
230
00:09:04,455 --> 00:09:07,227
I always wanted
to be Flute's friend.
231
00:09:07,293 --> 00:09:10,066
Yep. Operation's going great.
See you in a week. Bye.
232
00:09:11,135 --> 00:09:13,473
Summers, voice-over: I finally
had the Flute of my dreams,
233
00:09:13,541 --> 00:09:17,247
Sure, he was suffering
from severe head trauma
and thought he was a gangster,
234
00:09:17,347 --> 00:09:20,588
but if Melania could
make it work, so could I.
235
00:09:20,722 --> 00:09:22,758
Everything Flute
would make fun of me for,
236
00:09:22,892 --> 00:09:26,498
Stanlitucci was game
to try. Including games!
237
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,135
Stanlitucci: Ohh!
238
00:09:28,269 --> 00:09:30,273
Summers, voice-over:
And the crew loved him, too.
239
00:09:30,340 --> 00:09:31,610
There was Señor Snuggles.
240
00:09:31,710 --> 00:09:32,812
[Mexican accent]
Te gusta snuggle?
241
00:09:32,945 --> 00:09:33,747
Camellio.
242
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:34,949
[Deeper voice] I'm a camel.
243
00:09:35,083 --> 00:09:36,953
Pete the Spiller.
244
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:37,989
And Bill Frogsby.
245
00:09:38,123 --> 00:09:39,725
[As Bill Cosby]
I got my name before
246
00:09:39,792 --> 00:09:42,631
all the bad news came out.
Ribbit.
247
00:09:42,732 --> 00:09:44,502
But if John Mulaney
told us anything,
248
00:09:44,636 --> 00:09:46,205
it's that everyone
has a dark side.
249
00:09:46,305 --> 00:09:48,744
Even the guy who looks like
a stretched-out 10-year-old.
250
00:09:48,844 --> 00:09:52,183
Stanlitucci: As fun as this is,
nose candy don't sell itself.
251
00:09:52,283 --> 00:09:54,890
Where's that briefcase?
Summers: What briefcase?
252
00:09:55,056 --> 00:09:57,194
Stanlitucci: The one with
the 50K of cocaine in it!
253
00:09:57,294 --> 00:09:59,464
You didn't grab it?
The Preggos are gonna kill me.
254
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:03,373
You may as well get Johnnie
Cowchran to write me up a will.
255
00:10:03,473 --> 00:10:05,042
[Cow moos]
256
00:10:05,109 --> 00:10:07,180
Stanlitucci: Moo at me again.
I freakin' dare you.
257
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,018
Summers: I'm sure
we can figure it out.
258
00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,921
Stanlitucci: Maybe you're right.
I'm gonna have to
259
00:10:11,021 --> 00:10:13,026
lay low at your place
so the Preggos don't find me.
260
00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:14,929
I'll also have to
bottom bunk it in your room
261
00:10:15,029 --> 00:10:16,700
so we can take turns
keeping an eye out.
262
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,169
And I have trouble sleeping,
so we're probably
263
00:10:18,336 --> 00:10:20,307
gonna have to tell
each other stories before bed.
264
00:10:20,373 --> 00:10:22,912
Oh, and it wouldn't be the worst
idea to get matching PJs
265
00:10:23,045 --> 00:10:24,782
in case someone does find us.
They'll be confused
266
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,987
at who is who.
You OK with that, pally?
267
00:10:27,121 --> 00:10:28,423
[Summers giggling]
268
00:10:28,557 --> 00:10:33,667
Bunk buddies?
S-stories? M-matching PJs?
269
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,004
Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
270
00:10:39,913 --> 00:10:41,650
Yeah, I can make that work.
271
00:10:41,783 --> 00:10:43,821
Summers, voice-over:
It was perfect.
I had Flute
272
00:10:43,954 --> 00:10:46,827
all to myself and nobody
at work was the wiser.
273
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,833
There was just one problem.
[Glass breaks]
274
00:10:49,933 --> 00:10:52,204
Stanlitucci was bipolar,
but Flute decided
275
00:10:52,337 --> 00:10:54,407
not to research
what being bipolar meant.
276
00:10:54,509 --> 00:10:57,214
He worried it would hurt the
spontaneity of his performance.
277
00:10:57,381 --> 00:11:01,088
Stanlitucci: I'm one polar.
Now I'm another polar.
278
00:11:01,221 --> 00:11:04,294
Now I'm Amy Poehler.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa.
279
00:11:04,461 --> 00:11:05,463
Jealous?
280
00:11:08,938 --> 00:11:11,109
Mrs. Maniscopa: Oh, Gregory.
Good news.
281
00:11:11,209 --> 00:11:13,446
We got everything all set up
for the party.
282
00:11:13,513 --> 00:11:17,487
Summers, voice-over: And just
like that, the music was
about to change again.
283
00:11:17,555 --> 00:11:20,126
♪
284
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:22,230
Stanlitucci: Cugine,
you were holding out on me.
285
00:11:22,363 --> 00:11:24,100
I went to the bedroom
to take a snooze.
286
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:26,005
When I wake up,
there's an underground casino
287
00:11:26,105 --> 00:11:28,710
popping off in here,
and you got some high rollers.
288
00:11:28,877 --> 00:11:31,015
They all came in asking for
10K markers.
289
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:33,787
We'll pay back those Preggos
in no time.
290
00:11:34,723 --> 00:11:36,358
Summers, voice-over:
I finally had it all--
291
00:11:36,459 --> 00:11:40,266
my best friend, my neighbors,
my casino-themed HOA party.
292
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,972
But once again, it was about
to not be as good as I was
293
00:11:43,072 --> 00:11:44,609
leading you to believe
it was going to be
294
00:11:44,743 --> 00:11:46,479
at the top of this voiceover.
295
00:11:46,613 --> 00:11:48,951
Mrs. Maniscopa: Oh-ho-ho-ho!
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
296
00:11:49,018 --> 00:11:51,188
Summers: Way to go,
Mrs. Maniscopa.
297
00:11:51,355 --> 00:11:53,359
[Stanlitucci grumbles]
298
00:11:53,493 --> 00:11:54,963
♪
299
00:11:55,063 --> 00:11:59,038
Martinez: What's going on?
I got a calendar invite
about a budget meeting.
300
00:11:59,138 --> 00:12:01,041
Wynona: From me.
I've prepared a presentation
301
00:12:01,141 --> 00:12:02,545
about the current state
of the morgue's equipment.
302
00:12:02,645 --> 00:12:05,918
You can follow along with
the agenda that I laminated
303
00:12:06,052 --> 00:12:07,253
like an adult businessperson.
304
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,191
Wendy: What's wrong
with these donuts?
305
00:12:09,291 --> 00:12:11,162
Wynona: I may have gone a little
overboard with the laminator.
306
00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:13,934
Let's get started!
As you know, the morgue
307
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:16,371
is a valuable stop along
the crime solving journey.
308
00:12:16,471 --> 00:12:18,142
[Audience laughs]
Wynona: Uh,
309
00:12:18,276 --> 00:12:20,480
don't know how that
got in there. Heh.
310
00:12:20,648 --> 00:12:22,017
[Audience laughs]
311
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,522
I was trying to learn
how to use Photoshop.
312
00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:25,557
[Audience laughs]
313
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:26,693
Otis!
314
00:12:27,494 --> 00:12:30,534
Martinez: You ever notice that
a lot of weirdos work here?
315
00:12:33,439 --> 00:12:35,042
♪
316
00:12:35,209 --> 00:12:39,117
Mrs. Maniscopa: Another win?
Oh, it's my lucky day.
317
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:42,224
Stanlitucci: We got a cheater
on our hands.
318
00:12:42,324 --> 00:12:44,461
Summers: Mrs. Maniscopa?
She's just lucky.
319
00:12:44,562 --> 00:12:46,933
Stanlitucci: Open your eyeholes.
She's got a Rain Man
320
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,639
sitting right next to her.
Look at him counting the cards.
321
00:12:49,806 --> 00:12:51,074
I can practically
see the equations
322
00:12:51,174 --> 00:12:53,179
dancing 'round his head.
Now go take care of her
323
00:12:53,279 --> 00:12:54,649
before she
takes all of our money
324
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,051
and the Preggos get rid of us.
325
00:12:56,085 --> 00:12:57,788
Summers: I don't think
I can do that.
326
00:12:57,855 --> 00:13:00,193
Stanlitucci: I thought you said
you were my friend.
327
00:13:00,326 --> 00:13:04,067
And a friend would do anything
another friend wants.
328
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,940
[Summers gulps] That is
what I said earlier.
329
00:13:07,073 --> 00:13:09,244
I'll take care of it.
Stanlitucci: Attaboy.
330
00:13:09,378 --> 00:13:12,618
Oh, and bring me back
her thumbs, friend.
331
00:13:12,719 --> 00:13:21,335
♪
332
00:13:23,205 --> 00:13:24,676
Otis: Aah!
Wynona: I'm gonna kill you
333
00:13:24,776 --> 00:13:26,111
with your stupid
magnifying glass
334
00:13:26,244 --> 00:13:27,949
and I know how to make it
look like an accident!
335
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:30,554
Martinez: I come to work to
get away from kids screaming.
336
00:13:30,687 --> 00:13:31,856
What's going on in here?
337
00:13:31,956 --> 00:13:33,326
Wynona: Ugh. Otis sabotaged
338
00:13:33,392 --> 00:13:34,562
my budget presentation!
339
00:13:34,695 --> 00:13:38,102
Otis: Ah! Uh!
I know it was wrong,
340
00:13:38,202 --> 00:13:40,239
but I'm so bored around here.
341
00:13:40,373 --> 00:13:43,546
Everyone is older than Wi-Fi
and I got nobody to play with.
342
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:46,753
I wish I had someone like this
red-haired 11-year-old orphan.
343
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:49,993
She needs braces, which is why
I think the bids are so low.
344
00:13:50,126 --> 00:13:51,863
Martinez:
You're bidding on orphans?
345
00:13:51,996 --> 00:13:53,767
That's really messed up.
346
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:57,708
But she is pretty adorable.
Wow. A 130 IQ.
347
00:13:57,808 --> 00:14:00,280
Otis: Can I have her?
I promise I'll be good
348
00:14:00,413 --> 00:14:02,483
and find the guy who keeps
turning the town wishing well
349
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:05,289
into the wishing toilet.
Wynona: No! We need to spend
350
00:14:05,389 --> 00:14:07,427
the budget overage
on an intestine winder!
351
00:14:07,528 --> 00:14:10,199
Martinez: Budget overage?
How do you know about that?
352
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,003
Otis: We overheard you
talking with the mayor.
353
00:14:12,070 --> 00:14:13,540
Wynona: It was Otis' idea.
354
00:14:13,707 --> 00:14:16,145
-Was not. Was not. Was not!
-Was too. Was too. Was too!
355
00:14:16,278 --> 00:14:19,318
Martinez: Quiet! The money
has already been spent.
356
00:14:19,418 --> 00:14:21,188
On a party I'm throwing
for the whole office
357
00:14:21,288 --> 00:14:23,025
as a reward for
the good, honest,
358
00:14:23,159 --> 00:14:25,664
unselfish work
everyone is doing.
359
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,304
Otis: Are you mad at us? I can't
tell if someone is angry
360
00:14:29,404 --> 00:14:32,444
unless they're throwing
a gin martini at my father.
361
00:14:32,545 --> 00:14:36,552
Martinez: I'm not mad at you.
I'm disappointed.
362
00:14:36,686 --> 00:14:39,291
[Door slams]
Auctioneer: Next up,
we have Daisy Mae,
363
00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:40,894
who has a green belt
in taekwondo
364
00:14:41,028 --> 00:14:44,769
and can do
a handstand underwater.
365
00:14:44,869 --> 00:14:46,338
Summers: Thanks for seeing me,
Dr. Pentos.
366
00:14:46,438 --> 00:14:48,075
You're the only doctor
I know now that
367
00:14:48,209 --> 00:14:49,477
my annual physicals
are at Jiffy Lube.
368
00:14:49,578 --> 00:14:51,583
Pentos: My doctorate is in
Russian literature,
369
00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:55,489
but I have seen every episode
of "Grey's Anatomy," so, shoot.
370
00:14:55,624 --> 00:14:57,093
Summers: Flute hit his head
and thinks he's
371
00:14:57,193 --> 00:14:59,164
a violent Italian mobster.
372
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,936
Pentos: Hmm.
While the concept is high,
373
00:15:02,003 --> 00:15:03,740
the solution is quite low.
374
00:15:03,807 --> 00:15:07,480
All Flute needs is a simple hit
to the base of the skull
375
00:15:07,581 --> 00:15:10,687
and his memory will return.
Anything else?
376
00:15:10,754 --> 00:15:14,361
Summers: You don't have any
thumbs lying around, do you?
377
00:15:14,461 --> 00:15:18,302
Pentos: I have a pinky
and two toes. Hmm?
378
00:15:18,436 --> 00:15:21,475
♪
379
00:15:21,510 --> 00:15:23,212
Mrs. Maniscopa:
Did they catch him?
380
00:15:23,278 --> 00:15:25,483
Stanlitucci:
Whoa! You still got thumbs?
381
00:15:25,584 --> 00:15:27,253
Where's Greg?
Mrs. Maniscopa: He said he was
382
00:15:27,353 --> 00:15:29,559
going to take care of
some gangster.
383
00:15:29,592 --> 00:15:31,127
This is why I adore having
384
00:15:31,228 --> 00:15:33,131
a member of the police
in the building.
385
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,268
Stanlitucci: You better
be talking about
386
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,204
the legendary English rock trio.
387
00:15:36,338 --> 00:15:38,810
Mrs. Maniscopa:
I'm talking about Summers.
388
00:15:38,910 --> 00:15:41,115
Stanlitucci: Oddly enough, that
still doesn't clarify things.
389
00:15:41,215 --> 00:15:43,085
Are you talking about
Andy Summers, the guitarist
390
00:15:43,186 --> 00:15:45,991
for the band The Police,
or Greg Summers?
391
00:15:46,092 --> 00:15:48,428
Mrs. Maniscopa:
The one with the sting.
392
00:15:49,264 --> 00:15:50,835
Stanlitucci: Still not
totally clear.
393
00:15:50,901 --> 00:15:52,103
Mrs. Maniscopa: Greg!
394
00:15:52,203 --> 00:15:54,575
[Door slams]
[Stanlitucci grumbles]
395
00:15:57,781 --> 00:15:59,150
♪
396
00:15:59,284 --> 00:16:02,725
Stanlitucci:
Is that you, friend?
397
00:16:02,858 --> 00:16:05,964
Summers: Yes, it's me,
also friend.
398
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:07,300
Stanlitucci:
I was just thinking.
399
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,137
now that we
can pay back the Preggos,
400
00:16:09,271 --> 00:16:10,874
I'll probably be leaving soon.
401
00:16:11,008 --> 00:16:14,649
Summers: Yes. I suppose
it is time for you to go.
402
00:16:14,816 --> 00:16:18,389
Stanlitucci: I'll never forget
how true our friendship was.
403
00:16:18,489 --> 00:16:22,030
Summers: You might forget it,
but I won't.
404
00:16:22,130 --> 00:16:23,633
Stanlitucci:
We should celebrate.
405
00:16:23,767 --> 00:16:24,869
One last meal
406
00:16:24,936 --> 00:16:27,040
before we go our separate ways.
407
00:16:27,140 --> 00:16:30,379
-One last meal.
-One last meal.
408
00:16:30,479 --> 00:16:34,454
-One last meal.
-One last meal.
409
00:16:34,589 --> 00:16:37,662
Summers: When you say it,
it sounds different than mine.
410
00:16:37,762 --> 00:16:39,164
One last meal.
411
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:42,605
Stanlitucci: One last meal.
I don't hear it.
412
00:16:42,672 --> 00:16:44,542
♪
413
00:16:44,642 --> 00:16:47,748
Otis: I'm bored.
Martinez and Kang
are talking about
414
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,186
how long it takes
their cuts to heal.
415
00:16:50,319 --> 00:16:52,190
Wynona: Fine.
Hold your arms out.
416
00:16:52,290 --> 00:16:54,093
Otis: OK. Now what?
417
00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:57,033
Wynona:
This doesn't gross you out?
418
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,770
Otis: Nah. I have
a high tolerance
419
00:16:58,903 --> 00:16:59,906
for this kind of stuff.
420
00:16:59,972 --> 00:17:01,341
In kindergarten, I subsisted
421
00:17:01,441 --> 00:17:04,181
solely on boogers and bugs.
422
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:07,721
Ah, to be 5 again.
[Wynona laughs]
423
00:17:07,788 --> 00:17:11,095
Otis: Ya know, I could
come by and help you
anytime you need it.
424
00:17:11,195 --> 00:17:13,299
I could be your
intestine winder.
425
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,069
Wynona: And you do annoy
the crap out of me,
426
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,541
so, I guess I could be
your sister.
427
00:17:17,642 --> 00:17:19,344
♪
428
00:17:19,444 --> 00:17:22,350
Otis: Hey, do you want
to go steal cocaine
from the evidence locker
429
00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:25,390
and put it in the sugar
dispensers in the break room?
430
00:17:25,456 --> 00:17:26,692
Wynona: Yes.
431
00:17:27,562 --> 00:17:29,565
[Tires screech]
♪
432
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:32,470
Summers: What the--
this isn't a restaurant!
433
00:17:33,673 --> 00:17:34,942
Maria: Ladies, we got heat!
434
00:17:35,109 --> 00:17:36,479
[Donna grunting]
435
00:17:36,613 --> 00:17:38,584
I gotta start keeping
this thing in my bra.
436
00:17:38,650 --> 00:17:40,486
[Guns clicking]
Stanlitucci: Don't shoot!
437
00:17:40,621 --> 00:17:42,357
I brought you
something better than money.
438
00:17:42,490 --> 00:17:44,494
One of the cops who tried
to take you down.
439
00:17:44,662 --> 00:17:47,200
Summers: Wha--y-you're making
a big mistake!
440
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:51,208
Donna: You should listen
to him...detective!
441
00:17:51,341 --> 00:17:53,613
You dropped this last time
you were here.
442
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:58,288
Stanlitucci: But, but,
it's-a me--Roberto.
443
00:17:58,422 --> 00:18:00,661
♪
444
00:18:00,761 --> 00:18:03,365
This can't be.
This must be some sick prank.
445
00:18:03,432 --> 00:18:05,571
What is this?
A new season of "Jury Duty"?
446
00:18:05,638 --> 00:18:07,541
Are you James Marsden?
Because if you are,
447
00:18:07,641 --> 00:18:10,413
that would be wildly
impressive and offensive.
448
00:18:10,514 --> 00:18:12,951
Summers: I'm your partner.
And you're Marvin Flute.
449
00:18:13,085 --> 00:18:16,392
You call waitresses "toots"
hoping they slap you
so you feel alive.
450
00:18:16,526 --> 00:18:18,596
You've lobbied to outlaw
the elderly.
451
00:18:18,696 --> 00:18:20,166
You have a son--Stan.
452
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,002
Stanlitucci: If I had a son,
I think I'd remember.
453
00:18:22,103 --> 00:18:26,378
Summers: You'd be surprised.
But you're also my best friend.
454
00:18:26,478 --> 00:18:27,881
Stanlitucci:
Now I know you're lying
455
00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:28,917
because a real friend
456
00:18:29,017 --> 00:18:30,219
wouldn't have lied to me.
457
00:18:30,286 --> 00:18:31,690
Summers: It's true.
I lied just so
458
00:18:31,823 --> 00:18:34,528
I could finally know what
your friendship felt like.
459
00:18:34,595 --> 00:18:36,131
Which means maybe
we never have been
460
00:18:36,265 --> 00:18:38,335
anything more than roommates.
461
00:18:40,139 --> 00:18:41,776
Maria: Donna will kill you now.
462
00:18:41,910 --> 00:18:42,644
♪
463
00:18:42,778 --> 00:18:44,014
[Gasps] Oh.
[Splash]
464
00:18:44,147 --> 00:18:45,551
Stanlitucci: Uhh! Uh.
465
00:18:45,617 --> 00:18:47,888
Summers: Flute, is it you?
Are you back?
466
00:18:48,022 --> 00:18:49,658
♪
467
00:18:49,725 --> 00:18:53,199
Stanlitucci: Marone a mi.
Your nose breath stinks.
468
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:57,040
[Summers groans]
[Sniffs] Oof.
469
00:18:57,173 --> 00:18:58,242
[Beep]
470
00:18:58,376 --> 00:19:01,950
♪
471
00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:03,485
[Maria groans]
472
00:19:04,287 --> 00:19:06,559
[Gun clicks]
Donna: Grimsburg P.D.,
473
00:19:06,726 --> 00:19:10,432
let this be a lesson to you.
Any last words?
474
00:19:10,533 --> 00:19:13,306
Stanlitucci: Just one. Push.
475
00:19:13,439 --> 00:19:14,842
[Splash]
Maria: Oh, God.
476
00:19:14,942 --> 00:19:16,044
Donna: What? Oh, no.
477
00:19:16,077 --> 00:19:17,179
She's going into labor.
478
00:19:17,313 --> 00:19:18,816
Stanlitucci: And everybody knows
479
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:22,525
labor is as contagious
as a yawn.
480
00:19:22,658 --> 00:19:23,560
[Splash]
-Oh!
481
00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:25,196
-Aah!
-Oh!
482
00:19:25,363 --> 00:19:26,933
[Donna winces]
Stanlitucci: Seems you're
483
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,268
in a lot of pain, Donna.
484
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:30,205
You sure you don't want
an epidural?
485
00:19:30,339 --> 00:19:32,911
Donna: I have a birthing plan.
486
00:19:33,045 --> 00:19:36,819
Oh! [Groaning]
487
00:19:36,919 --> 00:19:39,090
Stanlitucci: On the
pepperoni farm, I brought
488
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:40,426
many lives into this world.
489
00:19:40,493 --> 00:19:42,430
Mostly sheep, but
it's really all the same.
490
00:19:42,496 --> 00:19:44,434
Untie me and I can help.
491
00:19:44,502 --> 00:19:45,971
[Donna grunting]
Do it.
492
00:19:46,071 --> 00:19:47,474
[Woman groaning]
493
00:19:47,608 --> 00:19:49,377
Stanlitucci:
You're all doing great.
494
00:19:49,477 --> 00:19:52,483
And you're all under arrest.
495
00:19:52,651 --> 00:19:56,091
Looks like you're going to jail.
Full term.
496
00:19:56,191 --> 00:19:58,128
Try to top that, FBI.
497
00:19:58,228 --> 00:20:00,233
Announcer: And this year's
winner is
498
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:04,041
Marvin Flute
for Leggo My Preggos.
499
00:20:04,107 --> 00:20:06,211
[Cheering and applause]
500
00:20:06,311 --> 00:20:10,621
Flute: Thank you. You know,
becoming Roberto Stanlitucci
for this operation
501
00:20:10,721 --> 00:20:12,758
wasn't all bottles of red
and bottles of white,
502
00:20:12,892 --> 00:20:15,597
like Billy Joel would
have you believe
at the beginning of that song.
503
00:20:15,663 --> 00:20:17,266
It was more like
the second part of that song,
504
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,736
where it's fast-paced,
hard to keep up,
505
00:20:18,803 --> 00:20:20,406
and kind of
overstays its welcome
506
00:20:20,473 --> 00:20:21,976
when someone
picks it at karaoke.
507
00:20:22,143 --> 00:20:24,381
But luckily, I wasn't
singing alone.
508
00:20:24,481 --> 00:20:28,489
Tonight, I share my Undies
with Greg Summers.
509
00:20:28,556 --> 00:20:30,794
Summers, you're not
my friend or my roommate,
510
00:20:30,861 --> 00:20:32,831
and that's because
as a man I once was said,
511
00:20:32,964 --> 00:20:36,338
[As Stanlitucci] "When you're
here, you're family."
512
00:20:36,404 --> 00:20:38,610
Summers: Aww.
[Applause]
513
00:20:38,744 --> 00:20:41,549
♪
514
00:20:41,682 --> 00:20:45,222
Man: ♪ Just like the old days ♪
515
00:20:45,289 --> 00:20:48,996
♪ Let's fall in love again ♪
516
00:20:49,097 --> 00:20:51,836
♪
517
00:20:56,444 --> 00:20:58,182
Otis: Sorry, but for 8 grand,
518
00:20:58,282 --> 00:21:00,820
I thought there'd at least be
some ceviche.
519
00:21:00,954 --> 00:21:02,591
Martinez: Excuse me?
[Wynona and Otis gasp]
520
00:21:02,691 --> 00:21:06,097
Martinez: I can't believe
how ungrateful you are.
521
00:21:06,197 --> 00:21:07,366
[Door slams]
522
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,304
Nothing pleases those ingrates.
523
00:21:09,404 --> 00:21:12,009
Orphan girl:
They don't deserve you.
524
00:21:12,076 --> 00:21:13,478
Foot rub?
525
00:21:15,717 --> 00:21:20,059
♪ Perhaps one day
you will find a way ♪
526
00:21:20,159 --> 00:21:23,733
♪ To make them happy ♪
527
00:21:23,833 --> 00:21:26,506
Martinez: Mm.
That auctioneer wasn't lying.
528
00:21:26,606 --> 00:21:29,044
You got a beautiful voice.
529
00:21:29,177 --> 00:21:30,780
You can go a little harder.
530
00:21:34,622 --> 00:21:35,924
Person: Bento.
[Cheering]
40703
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