All language subtitles for The Great (2020) - S02E02 - Dickhead (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)-eng

Come, bear.

It's a new day for
us, and for Russia.

Bravo.

Bravo.

The victor.

We've been looking for you.

No doubt. The patriarch is
essential in all of Russia's affairs.

I was in the forest,
communing with God.

You mean hiding.

In my communication with God,

he told me I have to
play my part in your reign.

He did? And I always
thought he was infallible.

Now, I suppose having not
thought things through properly,

you've probably
resolved to kill me.

Orlo's plan is to
stab 60 holes in you,

and then something
involving salt, honey and ants.

Well, some of
that I would enjoy.

I'm happy just to simply cut
your throat, but I promised him.

I'll let the guards
know where to find you.

Let us ponder your situation.

You are to be consecrated
today before the court and God.

That is the plan.

I find it exciting just
hearing it out loud.

The Russian Church
is everything in Russia.

There is one church,
one God, one patriarch.

The people listen to the
Church across this land.

Its rule is iron.

Its word is trusted in a
way the emperor's is not.

The Church lives
in people's hearts.

- As fear.
- And love.

It's a powerful combination.

So, my question is,

"Are you really going
to be consecrated

"with the blood of the
patriarch on your hands?"

I'll wash.

- And who would you replace me with?
- I'll find someone.

Who?

I'm the most progressive
cleric on the synod.

Here I am, chatting
with a woman,

respecting and applauding
her taking of power.

It's not the general consensus.

- Good God.
- Indeed he is.

Indeed he is.

Now, I have sent two sermons to
every regional bishop in the land.

"A" is saying that
you are God's choice.

"B" is saying that you are a German
devil who has stolen our country

and wishes to render
us all dead or Lutheran,

and is intent on burning
Russia to the ground.

I then call on all Russians,
in quite a moving way,

to rise up as one and
destroy you and your rule,

burn your bones, spread
the ashes on the wind,

et cetera.

If I die, they read "B."

I don't, they read "A,"

and we all have cake and
champagne after consecration.

Right.

It's a joy to finally have
someone smart on the throne

who sees reason.

You're right.

I have no one to
replace you with.

Yet.

But when I do,

I will kill you.

I will relish each day more,

knowing it could be my last.

All I ask is to put my case
until God decides to take me.

Which will be when
I decide to send you.

Congratulations again.

Just let me fucking do it.

- Time?
- 8:15.

Ah!

Here you... Oh, it's you.

Darling, hello.

I thought you might be sad,
so I brought you a mouse.

I don't want a fucking mouse.
And why would I be sad?

You've lost the empire.

- I thought it might be sad for you.
- Not at all.

I have always been
emperor or emperor-to-be,

but I have never
woken up just "Peter."

I can do as I like.
Who would I like to be?

Now, what would I like to be,
while I am unburdened by my office?

How fascinating.

You're free to be free.

- Huzzah.
- Exactly.

I am doing things, Aunt.
Improving, indulging my whims.

Violin lessons,
philosophy with Voltaire,

and learning kung fu,

an eastern fighting art I
have long wondered on

and seems I have a
natural proclivity for.

I applaud it, but we must

focus on one thing as well...

Aha. My coronation
suit. Brilliant.

- You're going?
- Of course.

It's important the court
see me give it to her.

Can't let people think
she took it from me.

I see.

It is her I wish to speak of.

Yes?

Paul is wonderful,
but he may die.

Why would you say
that? Don't say that.

Most women have
many miscarriages.

- I had seven.
- Seven?

Hmm. I only know
about the wet one.

Igor drowned

and was a walking child.

A miscarriage is when the
baby in you does not make it

and bleeds out of you.

Oh, fuck.

That happens every month,
doesn't it, with women?

Every month there is a dead
baby? Fuck, that is tragic.

No.

I cannot explain at length.

My point, if she does not
carry your child, your blood,

we are nothing.

If she loves you, you
will make more babies,

and you will protect
the family line.

This is a dynasty
and we must protect it.

You must make her love you.

She does love me.

She killed Leo and she
kept me. Evidence in.

I fear she's only dimly
aware of the fact of her love.

This is my plan, Aunt.

She will soon realize Russia
is an old sow of a country

that lays near dead and
heaving in a pile of mud,

impossible to move,
and she has failed.

She will come to
me humbled, sad,

and in need of my
love and massive cock.

- Marvelous plan.
- I know.

A woman often likes
to reshingle a man.

Ask her if, when she looks
at you, she sees faulty bits.

Because if her eye is
constantly drawn to them,

the whole building looks bad.

But if you replace
those shingles,

she has nothing to do but
admire the whole edifice.

- And want to fuck it.
- Exactly.

I shall receive my guests.

Lady Marial, how
lovely you look.

And how happy we are
to have you returned.

What is it, bitch?

We left some things.

Some art and some children's
toys, in a box in the back of...

I burnt them.

Slam it for me, will you?

Dearest Orlo.

Look where we are.

What a day.

What a day, what a day!

Indeed.

A dream.

- Is it a dream?
- Come here.

Let us remake Russia, my friend.

Indeed.

This is a detailed statement

of aims and actions we should
take in a methodical and precise way.

I have arranged it in sections.

I have my list,

but I shall read
yours, and no doubt, -

there is much crossover.

Oh, Orlo,

I feel giddy.

Huzzah, huzzah,

hu-fucking-zah!

Russia is ours.

I have a special vodka,
given to me by Peter the Great

on the day he made me a general.

Which you have
opened in advance.

Taste testing in
case it's poisoned.

I lay my life before my empress.

So, where shall we start?

Our first daily agenda.

Look how happy an
agenda makes him.

Is that the fast-beating heart of
a bureaucrat unleashed, I hear?

It is. The school
opens this morning.

Huzzah.

I shall be there.

And this evening,
your coronation.

So, the lay of the land is this.

Everyone expects
you to last a year.

I am safe until
the baby is born.

- He is my savior.
- Exactly.

Until he is born, and
then he's a threat.

Children seem endlessly
problematic to me.

So we must act fast

and show that I
am a great leader,

indispensable,
destined, and loved.

So, let us do some big things.

Free the serfs, outlaw violence,

build a hundred art galleries,

open an academy of sciences,
drawing the greatest minds from Europe,

dismantle the laws
around women's rights,

build roads, ports,

open trade-treaty discussions
with the nations of Europe,

raise taxes, lower
mortality rates,

and make dancing and jokes
a prerequisite of every dinner.

- Let us start...
- With meeting the nobles.

What?

It is ritual.

They... They come
from everywhere.

- God bless you.
- There is a lot.

Welcome.

Archie!

Fucker!

In broad daylight.

Guards!

Go and seize him.

Or let us kill him slowly, until he
realizes he's been abandoned by God.

Relax, Orlo. Let's just
behead him like civilized men.

Wait.

I have done a deal with him.

- What?
- He has a gun to my head.

I cannot walk into the
coronation with a dead patriarch,

or he'll unleash
chaos from the grave.

R-right.

- Y-you didn't want to discuss it first?
- It was clear what to do, so I did it.

But we had a plan.

We had Simpkey to replace him
with, and he died and our plan with it.

That's the problem.
These old fuckers die.

It's celibacy I blame.

It fucks 'em up.

Thank you, Velementov.

I really, really
want to kill him.

My head is still soft in places

from that fucking Bible
he dropped on my head.

The Bible has damaged
many heads in a myriad of ways.

We will kill him,
Orlo, but not yet.

Wily fucker. I'll give him that.

Blessings, blessings
to one and all.

- Time?
- 8:35.

She should be here for
breakfast. That is the agreement.

But... she has a big
day, so I will go to her.

Guards.

You're not supposed to... leave.

Door.

Morning.

Morning.

Morning.

Orlo, out.

You too, Velementov,
you fat, treacherous fuck.

What are you doing here?

Breakfast. This is our day.

Hello, Paul.

I shall have him
returned to quarters.

- Do it yourself, fat boy.
- With pleasure and alacrity.

What's alacrity?

Speed.

Hyah!

Enough!

I made a deal. I shall honor it.

Empress.

It's fine. I will do this.

What would my father say?

My sentiments exactly.

Velementov, just go.

I know it was supposed
to be in my apartments,

but I realize what a
busy day you would have,

so I thought I'd come to you.

Thoughtful of me, I know.

Put it on the desk.

Hmm.

Ah. Of course.

Caviar and rosemary crepe?

Lady Marial, another
forgiven traitor.

- Look at you.
- I do look great in this dress.

I also had cantaloupes and
raspberries for breakfast, Orlo,

bathed in vanilla-scented cream,

and slept for nine
glorious hours,

naked and wrapped
in silken sheets.

Unbelievable.

All our enemies are alive
and having a lovely day.

- Relax, Orlo.
- Yes, relax, Orlo.

I saved her life. I'm
the real hero here.

- And the prettiest.
- Agreed.

You smell like vanilla.

Drink it in, big boy.

Oh. Why, certainly.

Marvelous.

- That your list?
- It is.

Go fast, change much. My advice.

I thought I'd go fast.

- You think I should?
- Yes.

Once Paul's out, someone
will try and kill you,

steal the baby, and
coup us both with it.

Here's a question I had.

If there's one thing you didn't
like about me, a tiny aspect,

and there may not
be, probably there isn't,

but if there is one
thing I could change

about my relatively
flawless self,

what would it be?

Your mercurial violence.

Really?

Hm. Father always
thought that my best quality.

- Really?
- He'd say,

"There's not much
going on in there,

"but give him a knife and light
his wick, the boy has something."

Reason and compassion can win
any argument better than violence.

Well, you don't have
to win an argument

with someone who
has a slashed larynx

as they struggle
to make their point.

Not that I'm saying
that's good. I'm not.

Just saying...

I'll work on that.

How will you spend your days
while I am making Russia better?

- You mean different.
- I actually mean better.

While you improve Russia,
I shall improve myself.

Hmm. We both share lofty...

well, possibly in your case,
unattainable ambitions.

Should we have sex?

I'd rather choke to
death on this tiny chicken.

That's a poor decision and
does not augur well for Russia.

You are forgiving.
She betrayed you.

- Saved her.
- It is a point of conjecture.

But I'm benevolent, it's true.

I have fabrics for your
gown for the coronation,

and seamstresses standing by.

I was thinking this.

Very Versailles.

It doesn't matter how
I look, just what I do.

Adorable.

If you dress well,

no one notices what you
do, just what you wear.

- Voltaire said that.
- He did not.

Maybe I said it then.
I've heard it before.

I'm wearing a blue
velvet, so let us not clash.

Must go. I have violin.

He's coming?

Door!

Peter.

You're not coming.

- You're under house arrest.
- Of course I'm coming.

- I have to give you the throne.
- I took it. You did not give it.

Yes, I did. Yes, I do.

Guards, come on. Guard me.

- You're not coming!
- See you there.

The school, it begins.

- You wish to be there, I imagine?
- Of course.

I really need a
decision on the style.

We only have four
hours for them to make it.

I don't know what I want.

Something special.

Right. Not that specific, is it?

- The school.
- Yes, let's go.

- Shouldn't they bow or something?
- They don't know it's you.

They're from all over Russia.
You look like just a woman to them.

Shall we greet the day?

- You all right?
- Didn't sleep.

Kept waiting for someone to
come in and cut our throats.

I don't think she will.

There was a proclamation
of forgiveness,

amnesty, and reconciliation.

We are all Russians, et cetera.

It is a bad day.

Maybe this won't
be so bad for us.

I'm optimistic.

Cunt.

They seem to have not
read the proclamation.

Fucking Belanova
just spat in my face.

A new dawn for all of us.

- She gave our apartment to Marial.
- Who burnt the children's teddies.

You need to read the
proclamation, you fucks!

Ah. Hello, friends.
What a great day.

Come.

- Ah, Tarzinsky.
- Dickhead.

Did he just call me a dickhead?

I'll fucking go shoot him and
she can do what she will with me.

- Say the word.
- The word is "widow."

Jesus, Arkady.

No, it's fine.

"Dickhead." Merely a word.

Like "cheese" or
"low-flying bird."

Just words.

Arkady, come help
me write this speech.

I thought you're
under house arrest.

I am.

And I'm actually finding it
less restricting than I imagined.

Ah, I thought I was
late for the start.

Good they're not
here yet. What a day.

Well, you can't be
late, as you're empress.

We work on your time frame.

But this is it, I'm afraid.

- One?
- Alas.

I was going to punish
whoever was late.

Make a statement, like
my school in France did.

But then everyone was late
so I wasn't sure what to do.

And then no one came and I
realized, "Oh, dear. No one's coming."

Orlo, you put out
the proclamation?

Yes. Every apartment with
female children in the palace

was invited to send their child to
the empress's new school for girls.

Right.

Marial, gather the mothers.
I wish to speak to them.

Velementov, come with me.

Your soldiers are not guarding
Peter well. We must make a point.

Gentlemen,

your job is to keep
Peter in his quarters.

He is your prisoner.
Do you understand that?

He cannot leave this wing.

He cannot walk unimpeded about
court, ordering a salmon or a cock-sucking.

Do you understand? He is not
your emperor, he is your prisoner.

If you need to shoot him, do so.

In the leg, ideally,

but in the head if you must.

Understood?

Is that true?

Now do your jobs, men.
Do your fucking jobs.

So, Poland. - Poland?

We could take it.

It's basically full of Russians
waiting to be liberated.

- You want to start a war?
- It will be swift.

Territory that we lost decades
ago will be returned to us.

Russia will become bigger,
stronger, and made whole once again.

I'm not starting a war the first
day of my reign, Velementov.

Which day then? I vaguely recall

a deal where you said
you were not against war.

When I find a war I see the point
of, we shall go in, guns blazing.

But Poland is not it. Right.

I felt it was a big plan. Might
fit the bill for early victories.

When I said, "Only big plans,"
Velementov, I meant my big plans.

Ah, I see.

Can you not just revel in
your victory a bit longer?

- Why this need for war?
- It's what I do.

Instead, you will be vigilant
for threats to our great nation,

and offer me your wisdom,
born of blood and pain.

Doesn't seem like a real job.

I apologize, Orlo,
for your injury,

although you were
trying to kill me.

The point is, your poisonous
intent and murderous actions

do not diminish my fondness for
you, as I know Russia was in your heart.

I wish a knife
was in your heart.

The Bible speaks much of forgiveness.
Perhaps you should read on it.

Well, it speaks much of killing
too. I might just read on that.

Let us begin the
charm offensive.

Number one!

Empress, it is our
honor to be here.

We bought you
a horse as a gift...

Lovely.

As we know you love them.

Anything else?

Simple thing, really.

We're taxed heavily and
would like it lessened.

I want a complete
reprieve in my taxes.

I am not across
the tax situation,

but as it is used to build
Russia and her greatness,

it is a sacrifice I am
happy for you to make.

Good day.

Brilliantly handled.

Don't suck up, Archie.

Number two!

- Ah, Count Nazakov.
- Nazakov.

What did you do?

What the fuck did
you do, Velementov?

Killed him. He's on
the list, right, Orlo?

What list?

Oh. We haven't discussed this.

I made a list, as
there are people

who will never see our way
and will work to destroy us.

- We cannot leave them alive.
- No.

No, no.

This is not how I wish it to be.

We are creating a new Russia.

The road to the new
Russia will need to be paved

with the dead bodies
of some of the old

or we will not get
to the new Russia.

Even your charm
cannot win all battles.

- I disagree.
- Shut up, Archie.

- What message does this send?
- "Fuck you. We mean business."

No!

Shit. We cannot carry him out
there murdered. We just can't.

We'll drop him from a window.

He'll land, someone will
find him and think it random.

We don't need your help.
You are not part of this.

Of course.

I shall stay clear of
the seamless working

of this new machinery
of government.

I have it.

He attacked the empress,
shot me, Orlo killed him.

I'll be a hero.

- It's not funny, Orlo.
- It'll work.

No one will believe...

Guards, help us!

Mm. I look great.

So where are we up to?

"I give this freely,
of my own volition.

"An experiment, perhaps a
whim, for the good of my people.

- "Let us love Catherine as we do me."
- Love it.

"Dickhead."

You hear fucking Tarzinsky?

I mean once, he would've been
fishing his balls out of the fountain,

his tongue from a hot pan, and
his feet from a hole in the forest.

But it's just words.

You are very forgiving, Emperor.

Arkady, are you very forgiving?

What do you mean, French cunt?

You might need to be.

Your wife...

- What did you say to her?
- He's just teasing.

I am French. She is beautiful.

It only stands to reason that I
would like to lick her slowly to yelping,

and then slowly
fuck her over a table.

I mean, that's
just logic, Arkady.

I know you might not mind
other men fucking your wife...

Rude fucker.

Arkady, be careful. Be careful.

- Grigor, get him.
- Fuck. Arkady. Grigor.

Jesus. Enough with the violence.

That's not an appropriate
response to things said

of a funny but sexual nature.

I got the message that
you needed to see me.

I have no time.
What is so urgent?

Mm-hmm?

Ah? Mm?

It's for you.

You can't give me a
gift for couping you.

I can if I'm the most generous
chap you ever met. Ponder that.

You can't come.

You don't like it?

I like it.

I won Russia. I took it.

I will not have it that it
looks like you gave it.

I did give it.

I gave up because I was
hungry and gave it up.

- So, I did give it.
- Perhaps I should have killed you.

But could not.

Ponder that. And
then ponder this.

If you did, you would
have looked like you took it,

but then would've
been illegitimate

and everyone would've lined
up to stab you in the face a lot,

and Russia would have
fallen into chaos and strife.

I actually have avoided a
civil war for Russia. Huzzah.

I am a leader, as I see
all this and you do not.

You're not coming.

But I am chosen by God.

You were chosen by mail order.

Most of the court see you

as a grasping whore of a
German who stole the throne.

I... What? They do not.

There's pockets of loyalists
who may harm you and Paul.

You're my wife.
Paul is my child.

I will protect that which
I love no matter what.

I have a busy day running Russia,
the country I just took from you.

Goodbye.

You are all parents
of young girls at court.

Indeed, I say you are all
parents of the future of Russia.

And while you nourish your children
and their bodies with care and love,

we must do the same
with their souls and minds.

I was educated, and it is the thing
I am most grateful for every day,

for it has made me who I am.

I have a baby who
will one day be born,

and when I pluck it
from the bloody floods,

I will want to feed
that baby a variety...

A wet nurse will do it. You
do not do it yourself. Oof.

I was speaking metaphorically.

Metaphorically?

- It is a German word.
- Ah.

It is not a German word.

My point is, we feed on
the great thinkers of Europe.

And when we look up,
we see the world differently,

and that we are
vibrant, fierce creatures

who can build a better Russia.

Yes.

- So you will send them?
- Will we be shot if we don't?

- No. You won't be shot if you don't.
- Then no.

Why not? You want the
best for them, do you not?

While our love and
admiration for you is huge,

your unique nature is not something
we wish to replicate in our girls.

It will make
marrying them harder.

- What?
- No one wants a fierce wife.

Exactly. And marrying
well is everything.

My father used to say,

"If you know when it's
time to shut your mouth

"and when it's time
to open your legs,

"you will find a good match
and your life be assured."

So, in essence, you just
do not wish them to be me?

There is only one you.

- Hooray for the empress.
- Hooray.

Just shoot them. Seriously.

I can't believe they don't want
better things for their daughters.

They think better things
come from better husbands.

On the coronation, as
you could not decide,

I have three gowns being made.

Oh, I found what I want.

Is this not marvelous?

What? No. No.

It is bold and very Russian.

Yes, both those
attributes being its problem.

It's what our grandmothers used to
wear before they were beaten to death

for wearing something so ugly.

I like it. I will do it.

You cannot.

Listen to your friend.

I saved your life once
before. Allow me to do it again.

- When you betrayed me?
- Exactly.

Which got you standing here,
hours before your coronation,

about to make a huge mistake.

Make it happen.

They will laugh you
from the chamber.

You do not understand.
To our eyes, this is...

a joke. Catherine.

Please.

Are you crying?

If it will help, yes.

I will do it my
way. I feel it's right.

And when they laugh
in your stupid face?

I will have them shot.

If only that were true.

- Are you praying?
- Hmm?

No, I dropped a ruble.

Are you a Muslim?

No, this is Russia.
We're all Orthodox.

Are you lying to me?

Do not insult me, Empress.

If I were a Muslim, I
would smell of rats, and sin,

and strange incense
that I've heard they burn.

The Russian Church is all.
God bless you. God bless Russia.

God bless God.

Huzzah.

A gift of?

Six stallions.

Fast, handsome and
pliant with you in the saddle,

I have no doubt.

An idea is taking hold.

My region would like a port

and a million rubles in cash
to throw a party in your honor.

Great. Orlo, take care of that.

Next.

Tarzinsky is next.

Shit. Okay.

We should just be agreeable

and get him out.

It is a jape.

This blond strip of a
baby-bumped whore overthrew him?

I did. And you will
speak with respect.

Easy, Tarzinsky.

You will send Velementov to
Alaska to take it from the Americans,

so the sea otter
trade can continue.

I could take Alaska, actually.

Step back, sir,

for you smell like a sea
otter has died in your mouth.

That is the smell of Russia,

German bitch.

Step back, sir.

If I could summarize my
response to your request

as elegantly as possible,

go die, you pig.

Really, Tarzinsky?

Velementov, shoot him.

- Seriously?
- Very.

Tarzinsky.

Kneel before me and
atone for your sins,

or feel the wrath of God
upon your miserable soul, sir.

Now show some respect to our
empress, and then leave and sober up, sir.

- I have this, Archie.
- Indeed.

Tarzinsky, you heard me.

Patriarch. Gentlemen.

I did not need you to step in.

Why is it everyone who comes
in here, "I want, I want, I want."

Does anyone have
something to offer Russia?

Fuck.

Selfish, grasping fucks.

And also,

I never fucked a horse!

I would like to do something
of importance today.

- I cannot get my hands around it.
- We could take a break.

- Are there Muslims in Russia?
- Not anymore.

Why? Did you see one?

I'm interrupting.

Empress, if I may?

No, come through.

Patriarch. An honor.

Of course it is, Father...

I am Father Basil.
In from the west.

You have hay in your beard.

You wanted to see me?

I am Leo Voronsky's cousin.

- You are?
- He wrote me often of you.

His love was a river
of such purity and light,

it took my breath away when
I would read those words.

I'm sorry about...

Do not judge
yourself. He would not.

God will. But that is
a long way off, I hope.

And I see you and I know that
God will be happy with his creation.

You are lit from within.

Leo's letters.

I thought maybe you
should have them.

They speak of you.

But I suspect they will
speak to you as well.

Thank you.

- Okay, shall we...
- Yeah.

Leo.

Did you fools just stand there?

I thought the new Russia was one

where we held each other
in our joys and sorrows.

Let it go.

It is a storm.

They will never stop coming,

but will pass through
and away, they always will.

Thank you.

Have some malate.

Do you have some dirt?

In the pot.

So many nobles.

You must be tired.

Peter wants to come
to the coronation.

Can you explain to
him why he cannot?

It is a good idea for you.

He should not.

She took it.

He must be made an
unpleasant memory at court.

Orlo, so much racing blood now.

Why won't you try fucking
people or running or some such?

Why do you think
Peter should come?

If one has a party,

and all the guests can think
about is who is not there,

whose party is it?

And what stories do those
guests, angry at the host,

tell themselves
about this ghost?

Dangerous ones, of course.

But as you wish.

You are right, I think.

Well, if women of our intelligence
both think something right,

I suspect it is.

I will leave you to business.

You wish to see me?

Look at this.

If you squint, you
can see a cat appear,

and if you slightly shake
your head a bit, more cats,

and they appear to be dancing.

Cats?

Indeed.

Sit.

What are you...

I thought we should
have a conversation.

Clearly a conversation you
don't wish me to leave abruptly.

She has let you live, wisely.

I'm glad you think so.

She has an optimism for
our people and our nation,

and I very much wish to see
her execute her vision unhindered.

But I sadly have a pessimistic
view of human nature,

so I worry on you,
wandering free.

I must do God's work.

You may do that,

but if I sense there is a
game at play against her,

I will know you're
at the center of it.

Killing a patriarch
will unleash chaos.

But a carriage accident,
an arsenic biscuit,

a statue falling at
the wrong moment.

I knew a man once
who drowned in soup.

A myriad of unexplained, tragic
deaths float before my eyes.

I see.

Something stirring beneath
your cassock, Archie?

I like knives.

Of course.

Do we understand each other?

We do.

But a small aside.

You should really lead us.

You have everything we need.

We cut her throat at the coronation,
put the crown on your head.

Simple, and fun for the crowd.

It's talk like that which
will get you killed.

But not today. Today, I am safe.

Ponder that we could all
make a better Russia together.

Indeed.

A day for optimism.

Hello, my darlings.

I don't know how you do that.

Will.

Greetings...

Full Russian? Fuck.

I've actually banned
most of those fabrics.

I thought you were taking
Russia into the future,

not into grandmother's house.

Shut up.

- Court, if I...
- Oh.

You don't talk, my love.

God has blessed us
with many great leaders,

and now he has
blessed us with another.

What a breath of
fresh, golden air

that blows through
our court and our land.

How blessed we are by our Lord.

I bless Catherine the Great,

for she is our new...

You're calling
yourself "The Great?"

- Of course.
- I...

I mean, it seems arrogant.

It is if you are not great.

If you are, it is just calling
things what they are.

- Right.
- Shh.

- I have a speech.
- Just put the crown on me

when the long-winded
blessing stops,

or I will have you
dragged out right now.

- You wouldn't.
- It would be embarrassing for us both.

And make it clear I took it,

so maybe it is a good idea.

Father of love.

Blessings, blessings, blessings,

from the one true Church,

the one true God.

May you keep us on a
righteous path to heaven.

I crown you Empress of Russia.

You look stunning.

One day, we'll
tell Paul about this.

Go sit.

Fellow Russians,

what is God?

When I came here,
I stood by a lake,

and I felt God come out
of the Russian mountains

and shake me, change me.

So I knew what I was,

who to love.

Russia.

I will not constrain love,
for it is eternal in all of us,

and yet the expression
of it unique and individual.

What God asks
all of us is different.

I believe who each person's
god is can be as individual.

So today, I announce
my first proclamation.

No more shall we be
a one-church country.

People are free to worship
as Muslim, Hindu, Jew even,

or even not at all.

God would not
constrain our hearts,

and nor shall I do him
the insult of doing it.

I will not constrain
people's love for a deity,

for it traps their
hearts in fear,

and I will not lead
a land such as this.

Fucking, fucking fuck.

I think if I can just...

We may also all
have beards again,

because that seemed like
a confusing and trivial rule.

- What?
- Let us celebrate!

A banquet is served!

- Huzzah!
- Yes!

Okay.

What are we having? I probably
should have perused the menu.

Guards, escort the emp...
Peter back to his apartments.

Right. Of course.

Uh, just let me read this to
you. I went to a bit of trouble.

Quickly.

"It is a strange thing to
hand your crown to another.

"And yet I feel a peace in my heart,
knowing I am handing it to one I love,

"the one I love who loves our
great nation, despite being German.

"I have seen up close her
wiseness and fierceness,

"and her naked body

"as it shimmers and glows
like God put the sun inside her.

"I have also been inside her and
we have made a Paul together,

"and thus, the future
of Russia is assured.

"Give her your fear as you gave it
me. Fuck with her, you fuck with me."

Strangely touching.

A moment.

Hello, darling.

I lost it.

I know.

What do you think he'd think?

- I'm not sure.
- Liar.

He wouldn't have
given up, would he?

He didn't get as
hungry as you do.

My body let me down.

- My mind was...
- As sharp as it has always been.

Indeed.

If he knew how
hungry I was though...

And if he knew you had placed
an heir safely inside Catherine,

and assured the
family line in doing so,

and aimed to make her love you
so you would create more babies,

he would be proud.

And that she will fuck it up

and give it back after
falling in love with me.

He would think that
was cunning, right?

He would see it as a
unique and unexpected plan,

as he saw you a unique
and unexpected child.

Indeed.

- Emperor...
- All right, fuckhead. I'm talking.

Let the conversation
come to a natural end,

you boarish forest thug.

- Sorry.
- It is fine.

Perhaps ill-tempered.

- Suit is tight.
- And you're hungry.

I am actually.

The menu is very
substandard at the dinner.

It is? Of course it is.

- The court will miss me, indeed.
- Indeed.

I aimed to build a bridge
of peace between us,

and yet you rip at the
foundations of my church.

You seem angry.

No, I am...

concerned that you act from spite
rather than concern for the country.

Well, rest your concerned
soul, Archie. I don't.

You create religious disharmony.

I rely on you to lead us
all to tolerance, Archie.

These fucking infidels
don't know tolerance.

Well, from your tone, perhaps
we need to learn it ourselves.

My advice? Pray, as if
your life depended on it.

I've seen more
stylish lampshades.

A Russian. What the fuck?

She looks amazing

and you look like a French
whore at the end of a long night,

so I think she wins.

Also, she's got the crown,

so shut up and bow.

Marial, we missed you.

How delighted we are.

You look stunning.

That was the thing. I
forgot how stunning you are.

Why are you being nice to her?

Because I'm the empress's
best friend, dummy.

Do you not see your
place now, Tatyana?

I think the empress seeks you.

You must run.

Perhaps she still
sees you as a servant.

I intended to be all calm

and high-handedly
bitchy with you, Svenska,

but I am unfortunately
not that person.

That's for the beating.

We are square. Come
for tea sometime.

Before we begin, a blessing.

Father Basil, visiting
us from the west,

I would like you to do it.

Indeed.

Lord, we thank you for this day.

Can you not take
those downstairs?

We're trying to celebrate
the empress's coronation.

I do not wish to do it surrounded
by licked fucking plates.

We also have not even been
served our main courses yet.

- Relax.
- Relax?

It is embarrassing.

Never been in salon 4B before.

Did not even know
there was a salon 4B.

There is alcohol.

And as I say, when there is alcohol,
food is an inadequate diversion.

Huzzah.

So you idiots wish to
drink our way through this.

As all good Russians should.

Huzzah.

George...

stay and get drunk.

We're lucky to be alive.

Salon 4B is not
life to me, Grigor.

She does not like us.

He has a plan. She will fail.

And what if she doesn't?

We will never have
status at this court.

You could charm anyone.

I think she likes us.

She knows our loyalties.

She will never trust
us, and rightfully so.

I will leave you to
do nothing, as usual.

She's right.

It's a disaster.

We must trust Peter's plan.

She will fail.

Not really a plan though, is it?

Just waiting and hoping,

like I will be, to see if
you can get it up tonight.

Maybe we should help them.

I can get it up.

I mean, help her,

Catherine,

fail.

- Huzzah.
- Huzzah!

I like him.

I don't like him.

This turned into a very
challenging evening.

Empress.

- Do I see a plan forming?
- You do.

He is just a priest, but if
he was at court for a time,

I believe he could find favor
amongst the old bishops.

- And we could end Archie.
- Indeed.

Here's one on that.

Brilliant.

Remember that, Orlo.

What?

That I am brilliant.

Trust it.

I shall.

Huzzah.

Jesus.

Ah, George. Brilliant.

Let us fuck.

Jesus.

- Are you angry or are we fucking?
- Both.

Fucker.

No, it's fine.

It's fine.

I'll be back. Promise.

Hey.

What the fuck...

Don't be so fucking rude!

No need for it.

Fucker!

It's disappointing.

Fuck.

Really didn't want to do that.

- Hands up who had sex last night.
- Good grief.

Indeed, indeed. As I
finished that's what I yelled.

"Indeed!"

- Who was it?
- Some regional guy.

Lovely, smelt nice, and
also leaving court today.

Perfect combination.

Indeed.

We're being followed.

Girls, come.

You liked what I wore
at the coronation?

You looked stunning.

Would you like to
be more like me,

and perhaps have a life
different from your mothers'?

Come.

Empress.

Let us educate these
fine young women.

I would love to.

Girls, sit.

We were discussing Plato.

If our parents don't
like this, will we be shot?

No.

You are your own people.

How you spend your days
is your business, is it not?

The dress.

Turns out you were right.

They looked at it and
saw the future, Marial.

You mean, they saw you.

Exactly.