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I remember the first night
I got paid real money

I worked at a place
inMinniapolis called "The
AcmeComedy Club,"

um, run by
a guy named Louis Lee

and it was a club
I've worked at a lot

and it was always,
like,half-full, you know,

and you pour your heart
into these shows,

and then they give you like,
800 buck-- maybe a 1,000,

and then you go onto
the next place.

It's a sad life,
you know?

But this one week
I sold the place out--
I packed every show--

and I had never really
done that before,

and at the end of the week,Louis
handed me an envelope

with $10,000 in it.

And he said,
"This is yours."

And I said,
"Why are you giving me this?"

And he said, "It's your money.
You brought the people in.

This is where
you're at now.

You, this is how much
you should be making a week."

And he gave that to me and Ijust
started crying like a baby.

'Cause I got $10,000
for telling jokes, you know?

Emcee: Acme has a podcast.
We encourage you to check out
called "No Laugh Track."

It's available on Pod
being in its interviews

with all the headliners

including the fantastic one
we have for you this evening

he was a writer/producer
of"Freaks and Geeks,"

and one of the founders
of"Mystery Science Theater
3000,"

Please put your hands
togetherfor Josh Weinstein.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Josh Weinstein.

Josh Weinstein:
So hopefully you put together
that this is "Acme Comedy Co."

That's me onstage
with the unfortunate hair.

Thank you very much.

Josh:
I've been headlining here
for over 20 years

and while I've never
literallycried with joy

over my paycheck
like some people,

it's still my favroite place
in the world to do standup.

I don't know if there are,
like,spirits that haunt this
room,

but if there are
they love comedy

because this room
is just always electric.

You never really know how
lucky you are to start at Acme

until you go on the road
and everybody's like,

"How the fuck
do you get to play Acme?"

It's just a special place.

We opened in November 1991.

I come from, you know,
the clubs out of business,

mostly, you know,
from the '80s to the mid '90s.

I've seen comic
suffer through a lot.

I mean, it was a shame,
you know, how people run clubs.

And when I see
how bitter the comics were

and I feel like somebody
got to do something about it

and make the whole
comedy experience

much better
for the performer.

The whole week
when I first worked it,

I could not believe
what was happening
at these shows.

Like, I was like,
"Why isn't every show
like this everywhere?"

He has spent all this time

kind of shaping
and molding his crowd
how he wants them.

There's not that many clubs
that have comedy audiences.

Because Louis
has trained them
to do that,

they come here
to hear ideas.

They come here to hear
somethingthat they're like,

"Oh my God.
I haven't heard that before."

You do shit-- hack stuff--

the laughs go down,
you can hear it.

People are like,
"Nah, this is easier."

I call myself
"business man."

If I wanna make money,

I'd better make sure
I have a good product.

But if the person's who
performare bitter about it,

the audience will know.

Man:
Wendy Liebman's over.

Or Bobcat.

Louise Lee:
If I book YZY the first week
of March

is he or she is not gonna
burn another press

for the following
couple weeks.

Or the couple weeks
before that.

Both of them are far enough,
you know, two weeks after Jake.

And Jake's been here
every year for awhile.

- Mm-hmm.
- So...

I think that
we'll go Liebman first
and then Bobcat second.

Yeah, I think it's good.

Great.

He actually loves comedy.

Imagine that, somebody in comedy
that actually loves comics.

Tom:
Do you think is an Acme brand
of comedy at this point?

No, I don't think so.

That's a brand of the
comiccreate himself.

Just remember one thing.

Comedy is not a factory.

Comedy is all about
the indidual, who they are,

how they discovered themselves,
have the voice,

and communicate
with the mass.

And, Acme is, hopefully,

I want it to be
a good inspiration

for all this artists.

He's a fucking Chinese guy.

It doesn't make any sense.

Josh:
So not long ago, said
"FuckingChinese guy" tells me

he's planning something I
mightbe interested in as a
filmmaker.

He was putting together
the first ever Acme comedy tour,

which frankly, didn't seem
that interesting to me

until he told me
where he'd be taking that tour.

Tom:
So what were your thoughts
when Louis said,

"Hey Chad,
I want go take you to Asia"?

Immediately I thought,
I'm in.

I got the call from my agent
and he goes,

"Hey, Louis is doing
this tour to Asia,

um, you're not
his first choice,

but the other guy
backed out.

Do you wanna do it?"
I was like,

"First of all,
I didn't need to know that,

like, you coulda
just given me the offer.

Didn't need to know
that somebody turned it down--

I don't know why you
just mentioned that--

but, yes,
I would love to go as
a second choice."

I remember I was in a hotel
roomin De Moines, Iowa,

and I think I ran around
the hotel room like,

"Oh my God!
I'm going to China.
This is crazy."

Like, this is crazy.
I'm going to--

like, the Lee's
are going to China.

First time going on the roadwith
comics for a week.

[Asian rap music playing]

Josh:
This is Hong Kong.

Officially,
it's part of China,

but you won't find
a more capitalist place
on the planet.

It's one of the world's
mostdensily populated cities.

There's over seven millionpeople
here,

almost all of them
seeminglyworking their asses off

all the time.

As a global hub
for both trade and finance,

people come here to work
from all over the world.

Bankers, brokers,
manufactures,English teachers,

and recently,
the occasional comedian.

- Tommy.
- [speaking Chinese]

[laughs]

Where did you
learn that from?

I wanted to have something
to say to you.

- How are you, man?
- That was pretty good.

- Was that right?
- Yeah.

The decision to come here

really had nothing to do
with performing.

I just wanted to see
Hong Kong and Singapore.

- So, I call AT&T...
- Yeah.

...before I get--
before I leave and I go,

"Hey, I'm going to Hong Kong
and then to Singapore.

I want to have some plan
just in case I use my phone,

do I need separate plans

for Hong Kong
and for Singapore?"

And the AT&T lady goes,

"No, they're both in Japan,
so you're fine."

[laughs]
Oh my God.

- Oh.
- And I was like,

"What do you mean?"

And she goes,
"Oh, I'm not really good
at geography.

Is that wrong?"
And I was like, "Yeah.

Not both--
their not both in Japan."

Hello.

- Mr. Daniels, how're you doing?
- How are you? Good.

I figured, like, he's--
you know, grew up here,

if he asked me to do it,
he must've had a reason.

So if I was gonna be
the jackass

that doesn't get a laugh
the whole week,

then that's it.

Do we know anything
about Pete?

Is he okay?
Is he here?

Well, he's find out
if he checked in right now.

Hello? 'Herro.'

- 'Herro,' I can't hear...
- He's doing himself.

Can you guys
pack up and leave?

We don't like Caucasian
have a Chinese name here.

We'll talk about who's gonna
go first, second, third.

Each show
I would say draw,

unless you guys
want to fight it over.

- I don't care either.
- I definitely don't care so.

We might have to send wonder
boyto the back of the line

so he can clean up
our mess.

He's so likeable.

Plus, he walks on stage like,
"Finally. One of us."

And then he gets up
there like,

- "God damnit."
- Disappointment, yeah.

- Oh, look who it is.
- Ha, ha, ha.

What time
did you guys get in?

Chad:
We got in at 'sick' o'clock.

Six-- 'sick' o'clock.

So I went to the doctor
in New York

because I was concerned
about sleeping on this trip.

I already have sleep apnea.

I travel with the machine.

Sleep is the worst
for me.

So I got a prescription
for Ambien,

uh, and my doctor said--
I go,

"Should I do a test of this,
you know, before we leave?"

And she goes,
"No, you should stay up

and then just
it on the plane

at around the time
you would sleep in Hong Kong

so you're on
the right schedule."

I go, "Should I take
a half of one?"

And she's like,
"Take a whole one."

She's like, "I-- because I tooka
whole one on a flight,

and it did
nothing to me."

So, um,
I took a whole one.

And I-- I freaked
the fuck out.

Like, I thought
she was a wolf.

I thought the stewardess
was a wolf-faced woman.

The walls
were talking to me.

Like, I--
I took a whole pill.
I should've taken

- like a quarter.
- Wait. Did you get restrained?

- No, no, no,
because she was there.
Jamie: Almost.

I had just fallen asleep,

and then I wake up,
and he's staring at me.

And I was like,
what's going on?
And then like...

You were scared
of a sleeping wolf?

- [Pete laughs hysterically]
- All you have to do is pet her

instead of getting
all weird about it.

- By the way,
I'm gonna hug you.
- Yes, let's.

Chad:
Pete and I have been friends
for so long,

and to get to work with him
a week in Asia touring around,

I feel like
a fucking rock star.

- Hey, we're hugging, too.
- All right, let's do it.

All right, listen.
Sorry, sorry.

Tom:
I met Pete at the hotel.

Uh, I'd never met
either guy before.

I was super suspect of
Petebecause he was nice, and,
like,

I was like, I'm al-- whenever
I meet, like, a-- like,

"Hey, how's it going?"
person, I'm like,

"All right, like,
what's up with you?"

So are you guys
feelingjetlagged, or are you
feeling insane right now?

ooSod? a
g

re you guys
So are you guys
feelingjetlagged, or are you feeling insane right now?

I'm not beyond
normal tired.

Nobody looks like wolves
if that's what you meant.

Pete:
I need food.

[Asian rap music playing]

I'm gonna climb
and have a fight...

I mean,
I feel like I can
climb up here.

Pete:
Oh my God, are you kidding me?

Oh, ha, ha, ha.

Segura!

Nothing about this
looks like it's gonna
collapse,like, right now.

Can we climb up there
and get pictures?

You wanna get pictures
on that dragon?

- You wanna go up there?
- Well, I mean, like,

- tourist pictures.
I'm being serious.
- Sure.

But right after the picture
with the dragon,

we're gonna find
food, right?

Do you think we'll go to jailfor
doing this?

Uh, I have no idea.

- I don't want to go up there.
- I do.

I just want
to stand right here.

I wanna go up here,
and you take a picture
on the dragon.

- I want to ride the dragon.
- You want to get on the dragon?

- Kinda.
- I'll take a picture of you.

Well, do you guys
just want to stand up here
and take a picture?

Yeah.
That's what I want.

Like we like each other?
Okay.

I feel like food
is everywhere,

and we should be able
to find it.

[man speaking
native language]

[speaking native language]

Louis:
I grow up in Hong Kong.

My father
worked for my grandfather
and have eight kids.

And my grandparents,
my father,

uh, generation
and all the kids

all live
in a four-bedroom
apartment.

- [speaking native language]
- Standup comedy.

Yeah, standup comedy.
[speaking native language]

Louis:
My parents, they weren't
rich at all,

and all they can do
is save up enough money

to send a couple kids overseasto
get a college education.

And when it come to me,
I'm fifth of the family.

They were thinking, okay,

I don't think
we should invest in Louis,
which I don't blame 'em.

You know, to them I wasn't
that good in school,

and I start
dating too early.

I wasn't like my brothers
who are engineer,

uh, dental school,
and all that stuff.

And I'm gonna be
in the lower middle income
the rest of my life.

That's what I believe in.

So in 1976,
my mother-- sister,

who live in Chicago
who married an American,

uh, decided,

hey, why don't you immigrateover
the United States?

And that's when
my parents qualified

to move over to US,
and then, uh,

all the kids
who was under 21
moved to US.

And kind of saved my life--

and saved my education process

from Hong Kong dead end

to United States.

Jami Gong:
Nice to meet you guys.

Welcome to Hong Kong,
and welcome to our club.

- Thank you.
- So we're gonna have
so much fun.

Should we do the meeting?
Where's Louis?

A few years ago when I came
herefor vacation with my family,

I decided meet up with Jami,
and then went to visit his club.

And we have a good talk.

Him being Chinese,
me being Chinese,

we're probably the only
Chinese comedy club owners
in the world.

- You said you went
to Syracuse, right?
- I went to Syracuse.

- But where did you grow up?
- New York City.

Uh, just raised in
Chinatown,

running around
with my other five siblings.

There's six of us,
so I'm number three.

And growing up in New York
City,I always loved to laugh

and everything, uh,
just growing up with
the "Tonight Show."

Okay, so a couple things.

Just this week, um,
like I mentioned earlier,

it's gonna be a fun, fun week.
I mean, jetlag's a bitch.

We know.
So, um, tomorrow you're
in Singapore.

So you guys
have your itinerary.

Umar-- you're-- you guys
are landing different times.

So Umar,
who's running Comedy Masala,
will meet you.

If not, we'll send someone
to meet at airport.

When I did
South Africa and when
I did Australia,

we would land,
and they're like,

"Your first show
is in four days.

Like, these first few days

are just for you
to get used to being here."

Not this fucking
Louis Lee trip, uh, uh.

It was land
and they're like,

"So tomorrow's show,"
and you're like, "Excuse me?"

And then it was like,
"the next day, we're gonna
get on another plane.

And you're gonna fly
three-and-a-half-hours
to another country.

Singapore.

Behave.
You know.

It's got its reputation.
No gum.

Singapore, you don't
want to mess around
in Singapore so.

- No, they don't play around.
- They don't play around.

Then early morning,
you guys coming back
here Thursday.

Then I'll be at
Champs Thursday by 6:00.

Then big crowd Thursday,
Friday,and Saturday then Macau.

They have no idea
about Macau,

so we're gonna have fun
in Macau.

To be clear, these shows
are in English, right?

- Yes.
- All of 'em?

- Yes. Yes. Yes.
- Okay, cool.

But if you--
will you speak another language?

I'm pretty good
at Cantonese,

but I'm just wanting
to make sure.

The show stuff I had like
so much anxiety about

when we were
starting the week off.

I just didn't know
what the shows would be like.

Like, I didn't know
if it was going to be

these huge cultural
differences,huge language
difference.

I was so happy to find out
that I was going to China

that I didn't even
consider the fact that I
mightnot be funny over here.

I tell this to every comic
first time I'm meeting them--

this is my first time
meeting them--

and again,
I'm freaking excited
to meet you guys.

You won't believe
how much fun we're gonna
havethis week, all right?

And Everyone so.

No offense,
you're gonna have fun
in Hong Kong.

You're gonna
have fun in Singapore,

- but I need you guys to kill.
- Yeah.

That's all I need you to do.
That's all I need you to do.

I don't know you.
Louis Lee brings you over.
I know Louis Lee, right?

Take no offense.

I just need you to kill,

'cause I'll be honest
with you.

This is not
an ordinary road trip

where you can go
to South Dakota, North Carolina

and Florida
on a little tour
in the States.

This is not
an ordinary road trip.

This is--
the people you meet,
they are well-off.

They have connections here.

You're gonna meet
so many people.

So if you've got
business cards,

you gon-- at the end,
give it to people.

A big thing in Hong Kong
and in Asia,

if you don't know,
is all relationships.

And you have
a business card,

if Louis didn't tell
you guys this--

- Louis didn't tell us shit.
- Louis: I didn't.

If you are gonna give--
if you are gonna give out
a business card

Chad, to anybody here,especially
around the world,

- two hands.
- Oh, okay.

I'll give you a little tip.

Do you have a-- here.
Here's my card.

You need to do this.

Okay, let me put this down.
Let me put this stuff down.

Let's say
I first met you,

right, I'm giving you
my card.

So.

You notice.
I made sure my card faces you.

- Right.
- Right. So you can read it.

So if was your card,
okay, reverse it.

- Give it to me.
- You also put your head down.

- Yes.
- You also did this.

So I do this-- oh--
you flip it around.

Oh, nice map.

You say something to
acknowledgethat you noticed the
card.

You don't put it
in your back pocket

'cause it's considered rude.

I like the colors
that you used.

Very good, very good.

You don't put it
in you back pocket

'cause it's considered rude.
You sit down, right.

Or you can
put it in your shirt,
whatever.

This small business
etiquette,you should do it
everywhere,

even New York City,
around the world,

because Mainland China,
everyone's doing business

- with Mainland Chinese...
- Say something!D

Jami Gong from Hong Kong.
Front pocket.

This small business
etiquettewill close deals for
you.

So what happened--
just out of curiosity,
like give me the card.

If you were--
if somebody's like this,

like, it would just
be seen as rude?

- Yes.
- It's like you're being rude.

It's a culture thing.
It's rude, and people know--

Like, this guy
doesn't have a clue.

Exactly.

Chad, here is
a direct condom

for when you're over
in Singapore.

Oh, it's expired.

Is that what--
is that good?

It's comedy time.
Make some noise.

Welcome, everyone.
Welcome to TakeOut Comedy Club.

It is the first
fulltime comedy club in Asia,

and according to a new panel,
the number one entertainment

in all of Hong Kong
thanks to you guys.

Yes.
It's a special,
special night.

So, yes,
make some noise,
young man.

My first stab at standup
comedywas, uh, 1989 on a dare

at Syracuse University
on a standup comedy competition.

I made a fool of myself,
uh, but fell in love.

Uh, went back to New York
City,hit the open-mics,

then, uh, one
night in 1992, packed room,doing
a show,

I took it for granted,
uh, a bit arrogant.

Blanked on stage.

Nothing came out
of my mouth, right.

Could not do it again
until 1999.

My wife is British,
uh, so polite the first time
we went on a date.

She got money
from the ATM machine,
and she said,

"Thank you."

She's actually white,
and I'm Chinese.

It's rare to see a Chinese
guywith a white girl.

We change
each other's status.

She's raised mine.
I've lowered hers.

I decided to open up the
firstfulltime comedy club in
Asia

before we had comedians.

before ever opened
February of '07.

Plus she works
for Mandarin Oriental,
which is great.

Whenever we travel,
she gets us a upgrade
to nice rooms

and everything.

I feel bad.
I want to help us out
through my connections.

So last month we flew
the Hainan Island,

and through my connections
I got us upgraded to economy.

Tom:
Who are your comedy idols?

Johnny Carson, Bob Hope.

What a great crowd.
are you guys ready to laugh
some more?

We got so many funny,
funny comedians.

I think you guys can do itbetter
than that.

You guys ready
to laugh some more?

In the beginning
we had people up there
doing 20 minutes

when they barely had
three minutes of material.

We had to do that,
and people walked--

I know that people said,

"That was a terrible show,"

but we had to do that
to give them the stage time.

Seven and a half years later,
we-- I could have about

20 people in my rotation nowthat
can kill

for eight to ten minutes.

I guarantee that like
most of you were like me

when you came
to Hong Kong, right.

You came to Hong Kong
you're like,

I am gonna kick this language
in the ass, right?

And then you
went to your first lesson,
and it was over.

Yeah.
No, the same thing
happened to me.

I went to my first
Cantonese lesson.

The teacher's like,

"Cantonese has nine tones,"
and I was like,

"Fuuuuck."

And she was like,
"No, no, no, no.

Faa-uck.

It means prosperity."

I'm actually from Hong Kong,
and I'm half Chinese.

My mom's, uh--
my mom's Chinese.

And I've got my parents
staying with me at the moment,

and as I'm walking
out of my house tonight,
my mom kinda stops me

and she said,
"Benjamin, are you standing up?"

Yeah.

"Are you going
to make the jokes?"

I was like,
"Oh, am I doing standup?"

"That's what I just say.
You don't listen."

"Yes, mom,
I'm doing standup comedy."

"Tsk. You are so funny, Ben,

because you know how
to take a piss on yourself."

"Mom, I know how to take a
pissout of myself."

"Benjamin, don't be
a smart anal."

Any black people
in the audience?

Make some noise.
Exactly.

This is Hong Kong, man.

Only one of us is allowed
out at a time.

Any Indian people
in the audience make some noise.

All right,
I miss black people so much.

You guys are close enough.

Jami:
Comics have different goals.

Some of our comedians
want to be a pro.

Some do it as a hobby.
Some just love it.

They have already
a good paying job they
knowthey're not gonna leave,

but they just love
to get this out of their system

that the arts, right.

I grew up in a very tough,
Irish Catholic neighborhood.

Where I grew up,
the kids molested the priests.

Tough place.

So I started dating
a white girl because I wanted
a change of pace.

And we were sexting
'cause that's how I role,

and I said to her,
"Baby, what's your
favoritesexual position?"

And she said, "Sam,

I really love it
when I'm bent down like this,

and you're in London."

We have less
Chinese comedians.

Why?
Couple reasons.

The Chinese people,
"Oh, I could do that."

They go up there and do it,
and then they fail.

They lose face.
They don't want to do it again.

Remember.
They're taught not to fail.
It's a culture thing.

The Chinese, they're taught
not to fail, right.

I gotta succeed.
I gotta succeed, all right.

So the moment,
we know standup comedy
takesyears to perfect.

You will fail,
but you will fail
to succeed, right?

They fail
and don't believe in
the payoff.

Let me tell you
a little bit about myself.
I am actually--

not trying to dress up
for you guys--

black is the only color I know.
I'm colorblind.

I have, uh-- now,
I've known I was colorblindsince
I was 12,

but up until 12 I thought
I was a genius at Rubik's Cube.

My hope in the beginning
was to find the next Hong Kong

Jerry Seinfeld,
the next Hong Kong
Billy Connolly,

the next Hong Kong
Chris Rock.

We are.

Because if you can
speakCantonese and you're
Chinese,

it's like
a superpower, right?

You leave your house,
and you're eavesdropping man.

Probably our biggest
discoveryis, uh, Vivek
Mahbubani.

He's performing tonight.

He's an Indian local
comedianthat speaks perfect

Cantonese and English.

He's been in movies
now,commercials,

a ring announcer
for mixed martial arts now.

So he has made almost
a career out of this.

I go take the MTR train,

and I'll purposefully
just sit in the middle
of three empty seats

and just sit there
and just wait, right.

And two friends
will come sit next to me,

and they'll talk over me
like I don't exist, right.

I'll be sitting there.
They'll be like,

[speaking foreign language]

Right, the whole time,
I'm sitting there going like--

[laughs to self]

And what I'll do is,
right,

I'll wait for let's say
two stations.

And I'll just
whip out my phone and go,

[speaks foreign language].

Right, guarantee like,
[babbling]

I'm trying to discover
new talent and at the same time

bring over pros like
Chad, Pete, uh, Tom.

- Where are you from?
- Man: Puerto Rico.

Puerto R--
are you serious?

You guys come here?

Huh.

Are you visiting,
or you live here?

Shut up.
Are you the only one,
or are there?

- Man: There's two.
- There's two of you.

You and Juan Jose?

Or what's his name?

Hm?

Fred.

Hablas-- hablas espanol?

[speaking Spanish]

No, you guys
have been doing this shit
all fucking day

in other languages so.

[laughter, applause]

Yeah, this is what
it feels like.

It fucking sucks,
doesn't it?

Going into it I thought,
well, I perform in New York,

and I pretty much perform
for a lot of expatriates

that are English speaking
all around, you know,

from all around the world
in clubs every night.

So I thought that maybe I had
a little bit of a leg up

'cause I'd adjusted my act
to that already.

But I just--
I-- I still didn't--

I still didn't know.

I, um, I'm from America,
but you can't tell

'cause I'm thin.

You know, like,
you're like,

"No, you're not.
Really?

Like, you live
and eat there?

Right, no you don't."

When I got my first laugh,
which was like--

I think it was one of my
firstlines, I was like,

"Oh, this trip
is gonna be great."

I, uh, went golfing
three weeks ago

and finally
beat my girlfriend.

Those are two separate things.

[laughter]

When I got home, she was like,
"Were you golfing again?"

And I lost my mind.

I said,
"I'm dressed like an asshole.
What do you think?"

Pete:
Louis, smile.

Where's Louis?
Ready, one, two...

[Asian rap music playing]

Tom:
The next morning
we took

the three-and-a-half
hour flight

to the authoritarian paradise

that is Singapore.

This place went from a
Third World country

to the best educated
and most expensive place

on the planet
in under 50 years.

And, apparently,
you don't pull something
like that off without

a whole bunch of strict rulesfor
your people.

You can tell
a country means business
when they great you

on the plane before you landwith
a death threat.

I got scared.

Like, I had this--

like this almost

illogical, nonsensical

- panic attack...
- Uh-huh.

...about that I have weed
in my backpack,

like, that I know
I didn't have.

But I was like,
"What if weed's in there?"

- Now, at some point I did.
- Yeah, like...

[Asian rap music playing]

Tom:
The show that evening was at
a nightclub

called The Vault,
a club that used to not even be
open on a Tuesday night

until they started
hostingstandup comedy.

It's a nice place to have
an $18 beer and enjoy a show.

- Emcee: Hello!
- Audience: Hello!

Ladies and gentleman,

welcome to the Acme
ComedyCompany Asia Tour 2014

preview show.

Everyone, please make
somefucking noise.

[cheering]

My name is Umar.
I run Comedy Masala Singapore.

I'm 39 years old,
and I've been doing standup
for about five years.

Now with the count of three,

only the Singaporeans
give me a cheer.

- Three, two, one.
- [cheering]

See? That's why
I love doing comedy

because you fuckers
follow instructions perfectly,

I tell ya.

People have often told me

that the way
to really find out what
Singapore's like

is to actually
come to a comedy show, like,
namely Comedy Masala.

- And you're Singaporean?
- Man: No, I'm not.

- Where you from?
- Man: America.

America doesn't matter.
All right, so--

[laughter, applause]

went to high school there,
went to college in the US.

Went back to Pakistan,
startedworking at a bank, hated
it.

Did a lot of improv
in Pakistan.

There was no improv
in Singapore,

and Jami Gong, the founder
ofTakeOut Comedy Hong Kong,

he ran a standup comedy class
in Singapore in 20-- 2009.

I attended it,
never looked back since.

Give it up for Umar, yeah.

A very clear example of
whatPakistani women look like.

Uh, it's cool,
and-- and my name is Fuzz.

My full name is
Muhammed Fadzri Bin
AbdulRasheed, okay,

but I do not do that.

I don't use that name
because I don't want whitepeople
to panic, okay.

Yeah, seriously.

I get Americans coming up to
me,and they go like,

"Oh my God,
Fuzz, you're name's
MuhammedFadzri Bin Abdul Rasheed.

Oh my God,
are you a terrorist?
Are you a terrorist?"

I say, "No, bro. I'm Malay.
It's different.

I'm not Arab, okay?

There's difference
betweenMalay's and Arabs.

During Ramadan, the Arabs,
they fast.

The Malays, we slow.
Okay, uh...

It definitely felt like
a newer scene.

It was a less developed
standup scene,

and like
I felt like we were--

we were--
at least that first night

we were jumping on an open
mic,you know.

But the open mic'ers
were slaughtering.

So I was like-- you ha--
and you have to be like--

you have to acknowledge that
and kind of respect that

that like, well,
this audience, this is
whatthey're used to seeing.

A lot of things
are fresh to the audience now

because, ah, man, we're
hearingthis for the first time.

It's almost like
back in the days of like,

you know-- I don't know.

It's like Pryor
and Foxx and all that,
you know, they go like,

"Oh, white people be like
this,or black people be like
that."

You know, it's almost like
it's at that stage over here

where you can talk about
things like that, and it's
fresh to them, man.

Now nothing makes you feel
more proud of being Singaporean

than a fucking trip
to Malaysia, okay.

I was in Malaysia,
and people told me, they said,

"Fuzz, don't walk down
the streets of KL

and night, bro,
it's dangerous."

I said, "Bro, bro, bro,
I'm Malay, okay?

If I get robbed,
he's probably my cousin.

Okay, I can get my money back.
No problem."

I got robbed
at knife point, okay,

and that wasn't even
the weird part.

It's after
the guy robbed me he said,
"You better be careful.

It's quite dangerous over here."
I'm like, "What are you ta--"

One of the hardest parts
about comedy on stage here

is that--
is the flash.

I call the first two minutesyour
flash,

and that's where you just--
you go up there,

and it doesn't have to be
a high energy thing

or anything like that.

But the flash
is where you make 'em--

you blow it out,
and you make 'em love you.

And you hook 'em
with whatever material it is

and so that they know
exactly what's funny about you,

and then they trust you.

And, um,

it's been weird
to adjust what--

what the flash is here.

Oh my God, you guys
are the best looking crowd
I've ever seen in my life.

Like, you're-- you're reallygood
looking people.

Like, I am having
a blood diversion right now,

and this is ridiculous.

Um, by the way,
my name is Pete Lee,

and like don't feel bad.

I'm disappointed
that I'm not Asian, too.

Right?

You guys are like,
"Oh, he's white.

All right, okay."
Right?

All growing up, all my friends,
they would be like,

"Well, if your-- if yourfamily's
not Asian,

then what are they?"
And I'm like, "Alcoholics."

I'm from America,
but you can't tell
because I'm thin.

People are like,
"Do you eat there, too?"
Um, yeah, I do.

Uh, we were in Hong
Kongyesterday.

Do you guys--
have you ever been there?
Um, right?

Uh, that city's
just like Singapore,

except for it's
a giant shithole.

Have you guys been there?

Like, Hong Kong means, like,

weird water that drips
on you randomly

that's made of AIDS.
Right?

It's the grossest city
I've ever been in in my life.

Like, there's a smell
in Hong Kong that's like--

it's like nail polish
removermixed with farts and
fish.

Is this too edgy
for you guys?

Um, uh, this my hair,
by the way,

uh, just to let
you guys know.

I look like Superman
with a perm.

Have you guys ever been
growing out your hair

because you wanted
to try out like a shaggy,
edgy thing, you know?

But then you had lunch
with your family last Wednesday,

and you looked across the table
and you're like,

"Oh my God,
I have the same exact
hairstyle as my mom."

Right, I thought this was
likethe rocker, but I was like,

"No, that's the Susan."
This hairstyle doesn't rock.

It drinks Sauvignon blanc
and does crafts.

Now every time
I look in the mirror,
my hair's like,

"Where are my grandkids?"

I'm like, "Shut up, Susan."

You had a turning moment.

Like, you were the first,
uh, you know, foreigner,

you know, and you
were ramping up.

And then there was--
you hooked 'em.

You hooked them on, uh,

when you said Susan and
stuff,right, with the hair?

And then you got
an applause break,

and then they were like,
"Yes."

And you had to follow
Fast and Furious 6.

Pete:
Yeah, I did.

I did follow Asian Dane
Cook,Da-nane Cook.

I just came back
from where these guys come from,
and I went to do some spots

in the Acme Comedy Club
in Minneapolis.

And when I landed,
somebody came up to me and said,

"Are you
Rishi Budhrani?"
I said, "Wow,

people know me
in Minneapolis."

They said, "Oh, no, no,
we were told to pick up the guy

who looks like the love child
of Borat and Jay Leno."

I've always thought
about standup as something--

it's a dream
that I never knew--

or rather
I never dared dream

because of where I was

'cause if you're a funny kid
in Singapore,

no one encourages you
to be funny-- no one tells
you growing up

that, hey, you know,
you're funny.

You could make a career out of--
this could be something that--

that feeds your family one day.
No one ever says that.

Singapore has one
of the best zoos in the world,

and I say that doesn't make
any fucking sense, right?

How can Singapore have one
of the best zoos in the world?

We don't have any wildlife.
We don't have any jungles.

How can it be
one of the best zoos?

And then I realize, okay,
this is a fucking zoo, right?

Why does Singapore have one
of the best zoos in the world?

Because our nation
specializes in exerting control

over living things
in captivity.

Standup is one of the few,

well, I dare say,
only artforms in Singapore,

which is not regulated
to that extent.

Now if you're doing
a theatrical show, if
you'redoing a play

or if you're doing
an original piece,

you've gotta
submit your work--

the script-- to the
mediadevelopment authority.

And they have to approve it,
and they will rate it.

Is it an NC-16 rating,

or is it a M-18 or 21?

So they do that
for theater pieces.

Standup for some reason
has escaped all that so far.

The worst thing
about the Middle East
is that women there

are not allowed to speak
freely,and that really upset me.

And that's why I say women
inSingapore are much better off.

In Singapore,
there's no such thing as
gender discrimination.

In Singapore it doesn't
matterwhether you're a man or
woman.

Nobody is allowed
to speak freely.

Tom:
Is there a sense of fear
among you that it might,

you know, get onto the radar
of the sensors?

I've-- I-- I get a feeling

that a bunch of us
might already be.

There might be a file
of most comics at some point.

We've had government
officialscome down to our shows,
man.

We've had that.

I mean, we've had, uh,

undercover government officials
as well.

We've had people
come to us and not even
in these shows.

I mean, they've got
theater shows where
they have, um--

where they talk about,
um,provocative topics, you know,

or they talk about,
like,controversial topics

that relates
to the government,

and we'll have like the media
development authority.

This is gonna be
edited in the US,
so I don't care.

So the media
developmentauthority, they will
come downand just to vet.

But they pick
their battles really.

Some things
I would say on stage,

but I would never post
on Facebook.

Thank you for having me.
I just wanted to come up

and say, uh, I did standup
in Singapore because, uh,

your reputation is hilarious
by the way.

People just scare
the shit out of me when I said
I was coming here.

"Don't bring drugs!
They'll fucking kill you!"

"Don't watch porn.
They'll cane your dick."

"Don't spit.
They'll shoot you in
the fucking head."

Listen.
I don't know the rules here.

I fucking almost brought
gum here.

So if anyone
wants to fucking...

I don't know
any of the rules.
What a weird--

I'm not gonna make fun
of your fucking place,

but you can
fucking buy hookers
but not gum?

That's a thing that you did?

That's what you guys
decided to do?

I'm quite a nerd, you know,
I like superhero movies.

I recently watched the
newCaptain America movie.

I watched that movie,
and, uh,

I really wish there
was a Chinese superhero,

you know,
like Captain China.

Because you see
Captain America has a shieldthat
he can throw, right?

So maybe Captain China
can throw pirated DVDs,

you know?

And Captain China's
superpower

would be lending money
to Captain America.

[laughter, applause]

When Jinx went on the stage
I was like, yes, I love him.

I'm feeling love,

and I feel like
a good person again

because I love one
of the local comics.

But this year
there was a new Spiderman movie,
and, you know,

if you follow
the Spiderman movies,

you notice
Spiderman's enemy
is usually

some kind of animal,
you know, like,

Doctor Octopus or the Lizard,and
then now they have

the Rhino, you know.

Well, if Spiderman
was Chinese,

he would just eat
all his enemies, you know.

[laughter]

They'll be no more
superhero movie.

It will just be
a cooking show.

[laughter]

Yeah, I live in the States
for a couple years.

Uh, I studied there
for a couple years,

uh, then before I dropped out
of college so.

He dropped out of, uh--
that place-- Caltech.

- You know Caltech?
- Yeah.

- He dropped out of Caltech?
- He dropped out of Ca--

he's a fucking genius this guy--
he dropped out of Caltech.

His parents hated him,

and he just wanted to come
backand just do copy writing

and now he's doing comedy.

Uh, but I also watched
the musical movie

Les Misérables,
you know.

And there
being Singaporean,
I realized,

"Wow, you can never have

a Singaporean production
of Les Misérables," you know,

because the Les Misérables
songswould not work in
Singapore.

It would be like,
"Do you hear the people sing?

No, cannot.

Police coming.

Because more than three peopleis
an illegal gathering."

Or maybe it will be like,
"Do you hear the people sing?

No.
Singaporean's cannot sing.

If we need to sing,

we hire people
from the Philippines."

There's a part of me
that thinks that, you know,

if there's something that's
notallowed to be talked about,

uh, thi-- this is--

uh, I guess
how should I put it?

Uh, some of the things that
are most worth talking about

are the things
that are a bit taboo

and -- and-- and--
and so, yeah, that's--

that's--
that's generally how I feel.

I'm sure there
are some couples here

who are thinking
of getting married.

Okay, so here's a tip, okay.

If you're thinking
of getting married,

uh, remember to take
lots of wedding photos, okay.

See, uh, taking wedding photosis
very important because, uh,

taking wedding photos
is kind of like taking
pictures of your food.

You are capturing
the moment before
everythingturns into shit.

That first show,
completely out of my mind.

I felt so exhausted.

Uh, it's great to be here.
I love your country.

I've been here five hours.
I love the rules.

You know why?
'Cause it fucking works.

Freedom is overrated.
Liberal thoughts are overrated.

Throwing shit on the ground
is overrated.

I wish you guys
had more rules.

I wish, like,
if you made eye contact
with somebody,

a cop could just
snap your fucking neck
right on the spot.

This is a great country.

Like, I had so much
anxietybefore I went up there.

Yeah.

Like, just
because of the length
of the show

and watching people
and then--

and not knowing
how things are gonna go.

I was in a full fucking panicand
not knowing--

uh, not remembering.

Like, all that shit was like,uh,
was not like,

"Oh, here's what
I'll go into next."

It was all like
scrambling,scrambling,
scrambling,

and then say something.

Holy shit.

Um, I took a crazy shit
earlier today.

Is-- is pooping universal?

Is that a thing?

Here's something
I just found out.

I just found out
that not everybody has
diarrhea every day.

I didn't know that.

Seriously.
Here's how I found out.

We moved.
My wife and I moved
to a new place.

In the new place,
the living room couch

is closer to the bathroom
than it was in the old place.

So the second day
we're there,

I go in there.
I do my thing.

When I walk out,

my wife is no longer
sitting on the couch.

She's now standing
holding car keys, and she goes,

"Do you need
to go to the hospital?"

And I go, "For what?"

And she goes,
"For what just happened
in there."

And I go,
"What just happened in there?"

And she goes,
"Is that normal for you?"

And I was like,
"I don't remember what happened.
So I guess so."

And she goes,
"Jesus, how often do you
shit like that?"

I was like, "Every day."

And she goes, "Oh my God,
is there blood in there?"

And I was like,
"There could be.
I don't know.

Like, I just go, Bop!,
and then I hit flush, you know?"

And she goes,
"You don't look at it?"

And I'm like,
"Where am I supposed to look?
It's everywhere.

You want me to look at
each individual piece? No.

I fucking paint the bowl,
and then I wash it away."

That's how I found out
that not everybody has
diarrhea every day.

I just didn't like
that first set, and, uh,
I was bummed about it.

I didn't like, like,
that, like,

they seemed like
too bothered by something,

and then
I felt like a guy

that didn't even speak
Englishburned me.

And like
I didn't even have the--

like the speed to say
something back.

You remember the last time
you had diarrhea?

- Man: Yeah.
- When was it?

- Man: It is quite often.
- It's quite often, too?

Lactose intolerant?
Is that a wild guess?

What is it?
What causes it?

- Stress?
- Man: I don't know
how to answer this.

You don't know
how to answer this?

What made you shit crazy?

- Man: Bad humor.
- Bad humor?

Oh, fuck.
You're shitting on me?

That's bad?

Did you laugh at the other
stuffearlier or no?

Today's a good day?

A guy who I don't think
speaks good English,

uh, burned me,
and I couldn't even fuckingthink
of rebuttal.

Like, I was like,
"You don't even speak
English,"and he was like,

"Nah." Like, he was like,
"Yo, this humor sucks."

And I was like, "Really?"
That's what I had for him.

What's your
primary language?

- Man: English.
- English?

Oh, fuck, this is gonna be
a really bad set.

All right.

I got nothing.

So like the whole night
I was like,

yeah, I was totally
bummed by that.

You're being very hard
on yourself.

- Yes, you are.
- And you were incredible.

Like, dude, we've had four
hoursof sleep in three days.

No, I know.

And then you just went up
in front of people.

This is what
you're supposed to do.

What I'm doing
is what you're supposed to do
is hate yourself.

But that's--
if I didn't hate myself,
I wouldn't do standup.

My therapist, you know,
she basically told me.

She's like, hating myself
and being mean to myself

has got me to this level.

And she's like,
you'll never get past this level

unless you start
to love yourself

and unlock the rest
of the creativity.

- Completely disagree.
- What?

Because if you look at
the best creativity,

if you look at the best musicand
the best comedy,

comedians,
the funnier you are,

you should get more leeway
to be a fucking lunatic.

- Oh.
- I think.

But here's the thing.

Your therapist
is talking about being

a healthy
and happy human being.

- True.
- That's her--

that's what
her ultimate goal is.

He doesn't give a fuck
what happens to you
as a human being.

No.
I just want the funny.

I'm still mad that that
hookerhurt my feelings last
night.

- Um, and I...
- That's why I'm wearing
a hat today.

Everyone I've talked to
today,I've told that story to
them.

- The hooker hurt my feelings?
- Everyone.

- Huh?
- What happened?

I was walking to 7-Eleven,

when I had my low blood sugar
moment last night.

And, um,
the hookers just like--

they like grabbed my arms,
you know.

It was almost like
a Disney movie where like
just a haram of women

like grab your arms,
and they're like,

"Come. Come sit with us.
Come have conversation."

And I'm like,
"No, I'm really hungry.
I have to go here."

And then as soon as like
we disconnected physically,

they're like, "Wow,
your hair fucking is weird.

You have clown hair."

And I was like,
"That--" I was like,

"That was really unfair of
you,"is what I said to them.

I'm like, I didn't wanna--
like,'cause I could've been
like,

"You're whores,"
or like something.

You know, like,
I could've just-- but like--

I didn't want
to say anything mean to them

because I know that like--
like-- like 15 minutes from now

they're gonna be doing
an awful thing to some man

that they don't
want to be doing that to.

Probably with better hair
than you.

Yeah.

[Asian rap music playing]

Tom:
At some point the concept
of street food vendors

became just too chaotic
for Singapore.

So the government created
thesefood hawker centers

to get them
all off the street and under
onefully regulated roof.

Pete:
Wow, this is like insane.

Tom:
Good news when it comes
to food safety.

Bad news when it comes to
makinga decision about what to
eat.

I've got to find my jam.

Tom:
Granted, some choices are
easierto rule out than others.

Thank you very much.

Curry rice with curry chickenand
an egg.

And you?

Roast duck, roast pork.

Why don't I not just
fuckingfollow you around?

- I would if I were you.
- 'Cause now I want that.

I'm gonna go back and get that.
This isn't gonna fill me up.

There's some places
where you go,

"Am I ordering lunch or just
scheduling diarrhea?"

I'm gonna go get something
from China.

Bye, Louis.
Have fun with your people.

[laughter]

We're playing a game, right?

Yes.

What, we're like
openmindedenough to come over
here

but closeminded enough
to like make racist comments
the whole time?

Is that what we're doing?

Louis:
I started dating American girlin
1981,

and so she took me
to a comedy show.

And I walk in there,
and I only get half the show.

But the crowd was so good,
and it's like, wow.

What about the other half?

I mean, I-- I get the half
that I thought is really funny,

and then the other half is,

"Huh, this is how
peoplecommunicate to each
other."

Nothing like you read
from a textbook.

It-- it's different.

It's even kind of differencethan
you see a movie

because movie
are so well-scripted.

And here, you know,
people just talk naturally.

Huh, this is interesting.

That's how I can learn
more English,

and I try--
I can try to be funny

when I talk to other people

by stealing jokes from--
from the comics.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Acme
ComedyCompany Asia Tour 2014.

Everyone, please make
somefucking noise.

The next night it felt like
it was on in that room.

Folks, by way of an intro,

for those of you
that don't know me,
my name is Umar.

I'm your emcee for the night.
I am from Pakistan.

I see some white people here.
Just relax.

Everything will be okay.

I see some white people here.
Just relax.

that, you know,
not all Pakistanis
areterrorists, for example.

You know, we 're just--
there are some of us

who just wanna make you laughand
have a good time.

Holy shit, with the beard,
a fucking terrorist

right in the front
fucking row.

Where are you from by the way?
Where are you from?

- I'm from fuckking Karachi.
- From-- from Karachi.

You're from Pakistan?
You're from Pakistan.

What the fuck have they told
youin training camp?

You never sit in the front.

You sit--
you sit in the fucking center.

It maximizes the blast
fucking radius.

Happy 9/11 tomorrow, boys.

[laughter, oh's]

- Good burn.
- Man: It wasn't us.

I know it wasn't you.
You'd fucking be dead, jackass.

We didn't see any
fuckingparachutes out of the
plane.

There's be building!
[fwah!]

Oh my God,
get my GoPro.

"It wasn't us."
Jesus Christ.

Yeah, 10-4, I got it.

I'd heard a lot about Chadbefore
I came here,

like, a-- a lot.

Um, if you talk to
a lot of good comics,
they mention him,

which is always like the--
the sign of-- you're like,

if this many good comics
talk about somebody being good.

One time, uh, a guy asked me
if I would die for my kids,

and I know that as a man
I'm supposed to say yes

right away
without thinking about it,

but that's not my answer.

My answer is
I probably would die
for my kids,

but I have
some questions first.

Like, what kind of death
are we talking about?

Would my son die quickly,
but if I choose to save him,

I'm going to have to suffer?

Because you can ship that
shitright on down the line.

If my son's standing over
hereand I'm over here

and a piano
is falling towards my son

and he doesn't see it
but I do,

you want me to go
push him out of the way?

No.

'Cause my last thought
is gonna be, "Oh my God,
this is gonna hurt.

It's a fucking piano."
He doesn't even see the piano.

So I can help him
with his last thought, right?

"Isaac, what's your
favorite ice cream?"

"Cookies and--" Smash!

Now his last thought
is his favorite ice cream.

I'll take my
Father Of The Year mug

whenever it's out
of the kiln.

I think maybe
my attitude in Singapore

wasn't everybody's
favorite,

but tough shit,
it's my attitude.

Why are you shaking
your head at me?

I shouldn't have to go
push him out of the way

just 'cause he
came out of my dick hole.

I was very careful
to not get AIDS,

and I'm still gonna die
from fucking?

Have they not told you guysabout
AIDS here?

I know sometimes you don't
getall the news here.

The second and third day,
I started just going to like

old material
because I just felt like

older stuff had a certain
beat and rhythm

that I felt like--
I don't know.

I was just confident
that it would work.

Every family--
every family in the world--

has at least one
profoundly stupid person
in the family,

okay, every family.

And this-- this goes even
for really successful families.

Like, you ever meet
a family where it's like

a doctor married a lawyer,
and they're like,

"You know, our three
kids,they're all doctores, too."

And you're like,
"Yeah, but you have four kids."

And they're like,
"Ah, yeah.

He's out back."

And they're,
"What's he doing?"

And they're,
"Just trying to figure
shit out."

"What kinda shit?
Like, don't stare at the sun?
Shit like that?"

I bought one of my old albums
on iTunes to listen to.

- Interviewer: Really?
- Yeah,

before that second show
'cause I couldn't remember.

I like-- I was like,
I know that'll work,

but I wanted to hear, you
know,how did you used to do it?

I haven't said it out loud
in a long time.

In my family,
it's my cousin Brian.

Without a doubt,
it's my cousin Brian.

Like, every time
we go out to eat

if I order first
and I'm like,

"Uh, let me get the, uh,Teriyaki
Chicken,"

he'll be like,
"Ah, man, that's what
I was gonna get."

You still can...

because we're at a restaurant.

I didn't order the last one.

And he'll be like,
"Yeah, but then we'll both
be eating the same thing."

Yeah, I know.

He's like,
"That's weird."
No, it's not.

You're fucking weird.
It's not weird at all.

It's weird if I go,
"I'm gonna go propose
to Christie,

and then you go,
'I'm gonna propose
to Christie too.'"

That's weird.

Then we have to have
a conversation.

Like, what are we gonna eat
at the wedding?

Teriyaki Chicken?
I don't fucking know.

Singapore, you guys
are the friendliest people

in the world here,
like,especially like the women

that like hang out
on the street, you know.

Like, this was the first
placethat I went after we
landed,

and I was like,
"Everybody's so friendly here."

Oh my God,
they're like,

"Let me sit on your lap,"
and, you know, like, whatever.

And then when you're like,
"Idon't have any money,"

they get mean,
and, uh, like, really mean.

And, um, okay, uh...

So, yeah, my name is Pete
Lee,and like don't feel bad.

I thought I was gonna be
Asiantoo, right?

I think the Asian scene
is gonna explode even further.

It-- all-- the--
the recipe is there.

You've got comedians.
You've got comedy promoters.

You've got venues now
who are excited about comedy.

We're filling up.

You know, there are bars.
There are clubs.

All of a sudden
on a week night.

The economics
of standup comedy business

is, uh,
they're no different

than in the US
in the early '80s.

Uh, there's not
too many real clubs,

and you just go to bar
and restaurant.

Hopefully, you can get
a night here, a night there.

And then-- and, of
course,because of that,

that's not much money
out there.

But when the comedy
itselfstarted to draw the bigger
crowd

and more consistently,

then you're talking about
full-time club.

I know very developing
scenes,very good scenes in
Thailand,

Indonesia, Singapore,
Malaysia,Hong Kong, and the
Philippines,

and-- and Japan.

And I know comedians
in all of these markets.

They're all either running
open mics or weekly shows

or monthly shows,

and some of them
are really good.

Tom:
We headed back to Hong Kong
the next morning.

I waited until we left
Singapore airspace

to do some
serious littering
on the plane.

One of the characters
of the week is exhaustion.

The only thing that's tough
for me is the sleep.

In Singapore I felt caught upfor
one day,

and then we basically
had to stay up all night

and then fly back
to Hong Kong.

We're playing
this room TakeOut,

but my friend
was here last month.

And he didn't play that room.
He played a different room.

So there's already like,

you know,
there's that little bit
of competition.

So we do a few
paid shows a month,

um, two weekly shows
every single week

that are open mic shows.

And then we'll do
headliners as well.

I've always appreciated
the time that you've had.

I mean, the first time we
talkedwas about three hours.

- Right.
- Of just, you know,

- all about comedy.
- Right.

Tom:
Back at the hotel,

Louis caught up with
Michael Dorsher,

another local comedy producerand
American expat,

to learn about
how the local scene

is starting to shape up.

We always go in
and approach places with,

if this is interesting to you,

what night of the week
is it dead here?

Right.

When do you guys
have nobody that comes in?

- Monday night comedy, everyone.
- [cheers, applause]

Tom:
I went to check out one of
theComedy HK open mic nights,

which happened to coincide
with what was declared

a T8 level typhoon.

So the crowd was small
but hearty.

All right, cool.
I see a lot of new faces.

I see a lot of old faces.
What's up, Roj?

If Jami Gong is the,
uh,godfather of Hong Kong
comedy,

uh, these guys
are the abandoned stepchild
of Hong Kong comedy.

Uh! Uh!

Yeah.
I'm still learning
how to smile.

Uh!

That's as close as I can get.

When I'm on dates,
I always like to date like

older men 'cause then
there's a higher chance

that their mothers are dead.

It's the kinda heat there
you expect like

a prosecuting attorney
to just speak to a little girl

on a stand and be like,

"Excuse me.
Could you point to the doll

where the humidity
has touched you today?"

She's like,
"In my bathing suit regions."

Starting our own room
was never a goal of mine.

It was--
it was kinda something

where the need
was really there.

As people started getting
kicked out of TakeOut Comedy

and the other
established clubs, um,

for the same reason
they get kicked out of any
otherclub in any other scene,

like, individual
personalityclash or politics.

I've created a
professionalatmosphere in our
club.

Everyone's happy,
supportive.

I've kind of weeded out
the weak comics.

I've weeded out the people

who are basically dicks,
right?

I said this
in the beginning.

Don't be a dick,
all right?

I've weeded out the people
who are not gonna help us.

They told me
you have no future in comedy.
Don't waste your time.

And so it was really thatimpetus
that got us to kick off

and got me to move from
the comedian's seat

into a producer role.

And like,
how can we run a good show?

How can we find a good space,
and how can we do this

so that we all have a chance
to perform together,

um, you know,
if we can't do it in this
other place anymore?

A lot of the people
in this group are expats,

um, or even--
even the people who are locals,

they've also lived abroad.

So we all have that
kind of connection

and the fact that in some
waywe're all away from home.

So it's kind of a way
to create home

within this foreign country.

The first girl I ever
thought,uh, about marrying,

uh, messaged me today,
and she said

no hello, no nothing
just, uh,

"My wedding's in October.

Can you film a short
videocongratulating me

in front of a landmark
and send it to me?"

Audience member:
Oh.

But you know the worst part?
I'm gonna do it.

I'm a-- like, I'm gonna do
itbecause I'm an idiot.

There's like this little part
of my male brain that's like,

"If I give her like
the best congratulations
wedding video ever,

maybe she'll see it
and then fuck me."

I mean, it's not--
it's not gonna happen.

I don't know what these guys
are talking about at the gym.

They come up to me like,
"Hey, man, hey.

Can you spot me?"

I'm like,
"Yeah, you're right there.
Are you kidding?

That's easy.
You must suck at hide and seek.

Seriously.
I'll try anyway.

One, two-- I'm gonna find
you--three, four."

If you're an expat
in Hong Kong,

most likely you have
a large worldview.

You're from around the world.

You have graduated
from college.

Uh, most of the scenes
in all of Asia

have been set up by,
you know,

British people moving to
Asia,Americans moving to Asia.

So it's-- it's a lot morediverse
than you'd think.

Like, you know,
some scenes would only have

a particular
type of comedy,
whereas we--

we have nothing
to look up to.

So we just do whatever
we think is funny,

and hopefully
the aaudience responds to it.

We're part of a community,
uh, with very smart people

who enjoy making
each other laugh.

We had a fight, my wife and
I,the other night,

and she asked me,
she goes,

"Tamby, do you ever wish
you married someone else?"

I was like,
"Oh, God, no."

That's like asking
someone in prison

if they wished they were
in a different prison, you know?

Who gives a shit?

We wish we were free.

I've always been funny,

expect I guess like recentlyI've
been able to, like, hone it

and fine tune it so that
it's like socially acceptable

and not just like
weird and awkward, you know.

I went to Tiananmen's Square.

I learned that, uh,
China has a tagline

for the Tiananmen Square
incident like other tragedies,

you know, um, like 9/11,
never forget, right?

Uh, the holocaust,
never again.

Tiananmen Square,
never happened.

It's all about
what gets laughs.

You know, like,
it's not w--

there's no part of it
where I'm like,

"Man, I've gotta like
get this shit into people'sears,
you know?

Like, I gotta like
share these ideas."

I just want to get laughs
and like--

yeah, that's actually
the end of it.

Hi.
Uh, my name is Cherry.

I came back from Canada.

I've got a friend
whose name is Sean.

Now most people think
Canadians are very friendly,
not racist at all.

That's not true.

Sean's a bit racist.

I say, "Sean,
you need to go to Asia

and learn about
our culture."

And he came back
telling me.

He said, "Hey, Cherry,
it's true.

You Asian
all look the same."

I'm like,
"Because you went to Korea."

My mom think
being a standup comedian

is the same as being
a prostitute.

Cherry Wong, everyone.
Isn't she lovely?

Cherry Wong, good job,

and look at this
transactionright here.

Bam, free drink, yeah.

It's kinda like a boy's club,but
it's fine.

Um, I'm just, uh,
concentrating on my stage time

and writing better jokes.

Yeah, my doctor told me I haveto
be angry or be depressed.

Um, the world's
so fucked up now,

if I tell people I'm
depressed,they'll say,

"Me, too,"
and start talking about
their own problems.

I cannot let that happen.

Yeah, I'm not funny.
I'm not funny.

Yeah, I just want
to make enemies

so we can hate each other.

Yeah, so I can
hate myself less.

This is the one thing
that give you as a human being

a real power to like
saysomething that may matter,

like George Carlin,
like Bill Hicks.

What he said,
like, 20 years before,

still ring true
on some level.

You can influence people
on that.

Like, you know,
make them less alone.

In Bill Hicks term less alone,or
they are more perceptive,

like, more perception
about the bullshit.

What else?
Yeah, it's so tough

to live in Chinese, um,
to be a Chinese,

um, because we are
very family orientated.

Yeah, if they're not
in a family, fuck you,
all right.

I always bomb.
I'm-- I think I'm--

my bombed rate
is kind of like

the highest
among the people.

It's great
to see you people out

sticking it out
through an open stage

'cause this is where
comedy starts and, uh,

some of these people
are gonna be fucking stars.

Can't tell you which one yet,

but they're gonna be stars.

With my past experience
and hopefully talking to all--

bringing this tour
here this time--

let them know that,

"Hey, standup comedy
can be at this level."

And make sure
the comics and the audience
both look at this as a,

"Oh, this is one way
to look at comedy, too."

It's not showing off.

It is a culture crossover.

The headliners are
importantbecause it gives them

a view of where
they've got to go.

I mean, I've--
I've been to and performed on

some of the competitions
out here in past years

where you're like,

"Man, everybody had
a killer set tonight."

And you've got
the headliner who's doing

the ten minute interlude,

and you're like,
"There's a difference."

But to me
what's more important

is how the Asia comedy scene

is gonna turn into
the next wave of--

just turn into 2000 of U.S.

or 2010 U.S.

without going through
the downside of the '90s.

You know, the '90s is a
lostdecade for standup comedy.

If the comics are not ready
andyou sell it to another
market,

you say,
"Oh, this guy's good,"
or, "This gal's great."

Yeah.

They only have ten,
and now they have to do 20.

Yeah.

That's what happened
in the '90s.

I think it was just
grow too fast, not enough talent

and try to grab your money
too fast

without carrying your product

or carrying your customers.

You got to do both.

You know, now you have
to look beyond just one year.

Right.

You know, look for
the three and five-year plan.

Be an Asia for a change.

You live in Asia long enough.

Tell me about the other
guysperforming with you

- if you would.
- Uh, oh, they're, um,

they're like me
but not as good.

Deejay: That's right.
That's what I heard.

That's exactly what one
of the other fellows said.

Yeah, um, well,
it's, uh, Tom Segura, um,

he's a guy that I just met,
um, and he's, uh,

he's like a podcast legend
over in the United States.

Like a lot of people--
like, he landed in Singapore,

and there was a guy
waiting for him there

that listens to his podcasts
in Singapore.

- Deejay: That's freaky though.
- Yeah, that's a little,

um, yeah,
am I gonna end up
in your basement

chained to wall
kind of stuff.

Uh, but then
Chad Daniels and I

actually started in
comedy16-and-a-half years ago

in the same month as each
otherat Acme Comedy Club.

I'm a fan of Pete's,
but I haven't ever thought about

if we've progressed at the
samelevel or anything like that.

I think that
we've both gotten breaks,
and I think that, uh,

Louis has kinda nurtured
the both of us.

Louis is like--
we call him comedy Yoda
because he's--

he's a little dude,
and he just like--

he says very few words,

but what he says
is just so poignant.

You know, for a long time
Louis was sort of like

a disapproving
father figure

that was also supportive.

You know, he would
tell me that-- he's like,

"Your writing is strong."

He's like,
"Your stage presence sucks."

And I'd be like,
"What do I do to improve
that, Louis?"

And he'd be like--
he'd be like, "Time."

So six months
after I started,

I went to Grand Forks,
North Dakota

and did a house emcee,
um, gig there.

You took a job in, uh,
North Dakota.

Four nights a week,
uh, six shows a week,

karaoke you'd have
to host after the last show
of every night.

And so it was--
it was hell kind of.

He just saw too many
small city headliners' act.

Then I moved back,
um, and I asked him.

I said, "Hey, I was
justwondering, you know,

I've been emceeing now
for a while.

I need to know,
uh, what I nee--

what I can do
to emcee your club."

I look at Chad and said,
"Look. I smell road."

I can smell
the road on you,
you know.

You have to make it
about you.

You have to make it real

because your emotions
have to connect to the material

or people can see
right through it.

I certainly think that

the best way to do comedy

is learn
how to listen to yourself

and write for yourself
instead of, you know,

I mean, I'm sure there are
tonsof people around you

that are gonna tell you,

"If you do this,
you're gonna kill."

Uh, it doesn't matter
whether you kill or not.

Are you writing for yourself?

We're also filming a
documentaryover here on this
tour,

and I don't what--
I don't know if the documentary

is gonna be about us.

I don't know
if it's gonna be about Jami.

I don't know
if it's gonna be
about Louis...

- Deejay: We'll wait and see.
- A combination of--

yeah,
documentaries end up--

the story ends up being told
in the editing, which is--

Before the set.

After the set.

- Parents, make some noise.
- [scattered cheering]

Some unhappy parents.

But here in Hong Kong,
it's great.

Three year-olds,
they're great as you know.

Right now is the time
to teach 'em how to be more
polite and courteous,

and here in Hong Kong,
it's great.

It's so easy.

All you have to do
is take your child

to Hong Kong Disneyland
on a Sunday.

Show 'em all
the Chinese mainlanders,

and tell 'em to do
everything opposite them.

Chinese mainlanders,
make some noise.

- [silence]
- Good.

And if you are here and
hiding,this place is not for
sale.

My first girlfriend
in college was black.

Yeah.

That happens.

We were making out one night,and
she said,

"Whisper something
crazy in my ear."

So I said,

And then she said,
"Me neither."

And we laughed.

We dated for eight months,
and we are still friends.

Uh, and I think that's 'cause
we had great communication.

I always knew
when she was mad at me.

I'd say something,
and she'd go, "Mm-hm."

I'm like,
"Okay, she did not like
what I just said,"

but it also sounded like
Jaws was right behind me.

Especially,
she'd walked at me,
she be like,

"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
mm-hmm, mm-hmm."

Like, oh my God,
there's a shark behind me!

That's a very scary
situation to be in

'cause I don't know if
she was gonna jump in and help

'cause lots of black people
don't like to swim in the ocean.

No, you guys don't--

you're not okay with that
some of ya?

If you're black and you're
madthat I said that,

stop telling
your white friends stuff
youdon't want them to repeat

because that is where
I got that information.

If you are white
and you're nervous that
I said that, don't be.

I chose those words
very carefully.

I said
"'lots' of black people"
not all.

I said
"don't 'like' to swim in
the ocean" not can't.

All right,
that would be racist.

If you are Asian or
Hispanic,mind your own business.

That wasn't about you.

Not everything's
always about you.

Some things
are black and white only.

By the fourth and fifth day,
it was like,

"Oh, I can do the stuff
that I'm actually doing
right now back home,"

uh, but I didn't
start off like that.

I started off old stuff
and then changed

as the week progressed.

Interviewer: Right.
Well, I think that's normal

- for comics, too.
- Yeah.

Where their first hour
is sort of written

- to please people?
- Exactly.

And then your second hour
is written to please yourself.

Exactly.
And that's exactly
what happened.

I love learning different
thingsabout different cultures.

Like, you know,
you're from America.

You always feel like,
"Oh, we're fucking--

our big problem is race,
dealing with race and racism."

But you travel,
and you realize, "Oh, no.

Every race is racist."

Every race--
we're the best at it,

but every race is racist.

Who's super racist?

Asians against each other.
I didn't know about this.

It's a whole fucking hierarchy
I didn't know about.

Like, did you
know about that? No?

Did you know
that it's true?
You do.

Did you learn it
on this trip?

And now you feel better
about how racist you are or no?

Good.

Here's the order.
Japanese,

they're like
the self-proclaimed
Aryan nation

of your world, okay.

They're number one
in their eyes, which is weird,

because they have
blurry genitals.

- And then...
- [laughter, applause]

then there's a tie.

There's a tie for second place.
It's like 2A and 2B.

That's Chinese and Koreans.
Okay, that's the second.

And then everybody else,

everybody who's tan...

Thai and Vietnamese,

you guys are like,
[pfoot], fuck you!

True or not?

- Woman: I'm American.
- You're American?

Okay. Where are your
mom and dad from?

You have American parents,
or are you one those like,

"Oh, that's cute.
Let's get one of those"?

From where I'm sitting,
I want one of those, too.

So just like--
I'll just tell you.

Woman: That's cute.
I'm the one of those.

You're-- you're that's cute.
I want one of those?

So you have white parents?

Cool.
All right.

- What's-- what about you?
- Man: You're Korean.

You're Korean.
That's good.

That's really high.
That's like number two.
That's awesome.

That's really good.

- You're American?
- Yeah.

Yeah, but you're--
you're Korean American.

All right, let's fucking--
you know where you are, okay?

Do you hate Japanese people?

No?
They fucking hate you.

A lot.

Very, very much.

Sex is the most insane thingthat
we do, right,

because it's
the only thing we do where
we're making something

that we don't want to make.

Right?
That's insane behavior.

That's like mixing up
a bunch of like, flour
and sugar and milk

and eggs up in a pan
and the putting it in the oven,

and then like
45 minutes later
being like,

"Oh, thank God,
there's not a cake."

I-- I don't know
what we would have done if
there was a cake in there.

You know,
and call me immature,
but I just--

I just wish that like--
sex is the most amazing thing
in the world, right,

and I just wish
that something came out of sex

that was as amazing
as sex, right.

'Cause like sex is amazing
and like babies are not.

They're just not like I wishthat
you could have sex

and then nine months later
you'd be like,

"Oh my God an iPhone.

And it's not even weird
that it's black.

Thanks for coming.
I appreciate you guys
being here.

- Thank you so much.
- I appreciate it.

- Hello.
- Thank you very much.

- Thank you, man, appreciate it.
- Thank you.

So far nobody's
wanted to fight us.

All right,
everybody get the fuck out!

Oh sorry,
that was for the cameras.

It was only
for the cameras.

Louis?

French fries,
the iPhone

and the thing
about sexual things
being an iPhone.

- Oh yeah.
- Is-- is...

completely ready for air.

- Oh, thank you.
- It's a late-night set.

You know that, right?

I was hoping, I mean,
like you saying that

makes me go, yeah,
but like I said, I...

- You absolutely have to.
- I just wrote that

within the last
couple weeks.

- So like I--
- That's crazy.

- That's great.
- I'm still trying to get

- the timing right and stuff.
- It's totally ready.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, it's right here,
the stairs are right...

Have a good one,
thanks for coming.

You're a dick.

- You're a dick.
- Chad: What an asshole.

Do you know
what I was thinking about,

watching the two of you,

it is literally
the opposite, like,

the opposite ends
of the spectrum of likeability,

like Chad is like

inherently unlikable
on stage

and then
you ooze likeability,

like people watch you
like this,

and they watch Chad like...

We're busting
each other's chops

just about as hard as
I've ever seen.

I mean,
we've had a lot of fun.

It's so fun to fuckin'
break his balls.

It's the most fun I've had
in a long time.

Chad and Tom said
that they met on the flight,

but I felt like
they were like

two peas in a pod
and really bonded.

It's cool
because you don't get
to hang out

with like--
with headliners usually.

That's the thing you realize,you
know,

like you hang out with
your opening acts sometimes,

but like it's different

like hanging out
with like headliners.

Do you think if I fart
he'll kick us out of the cab?

I think I'll kick you out
of the cab.

Today Tom Segura and I went
to get our suits measured again

so the final fitting
or whatever.

I've like really
romanticized the idea

of having
a tailor-made suit,

like it's--
it's borderline
an obsession.

Um, and I don't wear suits,

so I don't know where the
fuckthis is coming from.

So you brought up
suits and stuff

- and I had no clue.
- Uh-huh.

But then yesterday
do you remember telling me

that you watched
a documentary about suits?

Yeah.

- And I was like...
- Just about tailors.

..."Oh, you jerk off to suits.
So of course you like this."

Yeah.

Oh, here it is.

I'm a little nervous.

I did the thing
that you shouldn't do

which is
I had a recommendation

of a proven place
that people have gone to

and I went
to a place next door.

Hey, Danny,
how are you?

- Good to see you.
- Thank you.

How are you?
Good to see you.

Hong Kong is like
one of the--

the world's leading, uh,

suit, shirt making,
tailor places

where it's like,
it's affordable.

You know,
it's not cheap.

Yeah, it's one
of the biggest three, right?

Yeah, I think Savile Row in,
you know, London,

uh, Naples, Italy
and Hong Kong are like,

they have big, huge markets
for this stuff

so it's kind
of the thing that we--

one of the fun things to do
and all three of us

ended up doing it here
is getting our suits made.

- How do I not shoot heroin?
- That's incredible.

Isn't that not
a great entry point
for heroin?

- Oh man.
- Look at that.

You'd think
it was a night crawler
in my hand.

I got nothin' like that.
San Miguel.

- That is what's up, Danny.
- Ah, you know it.

- Danny.
- I'll do it in one round.

- Let me ask you something.
- Please.

How long have you
had this place?

Uh, I completed 40 years
and seven months.

40 years.

And seven months
in that shop?

And when you got here
40 years ago

was there
a big establishment
of, like,

were there a lot of tailorsdoing
this already?

- Oh, yes, there were...
- It was big already.

This tailoring has been here
for over 100 years.

- Really?
- Yes.

I romanticized
the idea of like

the artists and workers,
you know,

sewing and then making
their adjustments.

Chad:
"Especially made for
Thomas W. Segura,"

and it's the number
of the suit.

Crazy, right?

- Sit down?
- Yes, please.

Sure.

Sir, if you could just lift
up little bit of your leg

and allow this
to be comfortable.

- No, here.
- Here?

- Yes, sir.
- Yeah?

Yeah, good.

Yeah?

Chad:
You look like a
completelydifferent human being.

Like normally you look.
May I?

- Yeah.
- Like a piece of shit.

You look like
a street thug

and right now
it looks like you just

killed the boss
and now you're him.

I'm not kidding.

God, that is like,

it's manufactured
for your ass those pants.

It looks like a peach.

[indistinct]

Yeah, I can see that, I mean,
I definitely have to like--

Yes, yes.

What it looks purportedly
I cut into the chest.

This has been
taken in too much,

- it's tapered.
- Okay.

Hey, so out of Tom and I,

who did you think
was gonna have to get
theirjacket made bigger?

- [laughter]
- Wow.

This is embarrassing.

Comic:
The other thing
that happens

is that no matter
what you say

they can't
or won't understand.

Now I get into
Fanling the other night
to the train station,

and get in a taxi
and I tell the guy

what I thought
was in good Cantonese

where I wanted to go.

mimicking Cantonese]

Remember nine tones.

So I have to try
81 fucking tonal combinations

while it loads
in my Google maps.

mimicking Cantonese]

As my local friends say,
uh, in fact,

it is because you
havemispronounced one of the--

Fuck you!

It was close enough.

This was an old-fashioned
ball breaking, plain and simple.

The equivalent
would have been

if someone were to come
to New York City and say, uh,

Excuse me.

Can you tell me where
the 'Umpire' State Building is?

Never heard of it.

Uh, 'Umpire' State Building,
uh, very tall,

very famous building
in New York.

Never head of it.

Uh, 'Umpire' State Building,

uh, King Kong, uh,
climb to the top,

swatted down the airplanes.

Never heard of it.

swatted down the airplanes.

Ball breaker.

Last night I went up
and did some material
about my last name

which I thought,
you know, talking about being
a Lee in Hong Kong

would be
really funny to them.

And that was mildly funny
to them.

So tonight I'm gonna
adjust my flash

because now I'm learning.

Oh my God it's been so fun
to be in Hong Kong, right.

This city is amazing
'cause you get to play
my favorite game now

called "What's That Smell?"

It's a great game
'cause you're walking around
and you're like,

this smells great
and then you're like,

oh, God,
everything changed.

Everything is worse.

Did that smell come from
Shirtless Man on Stairs?

Have you guys seen
Shirtless Man on Stairs
down here?

It's like, just...

You're like,

Right, he's the most unhappy
manon the planet.

He's just...

One day
I was eating it
15 minutes in

and I just thought,
I'm done giving a shit.

Like I was just like,
oh these people don't like me.

And I was like,
who cares?

You have friends.

It's not like
you're here to make friends,

be more honest
and so I was,

and it started
working better,

and so not caring
actually has helped me.

I'm a father,
that's exciting, right?

You guys are like,
oh, you are raising children?

Yeah, that's right.
What's that?

- Are they mine?
- [audience groans]

They are mine.
I don't under- - I don't--
why is that funny?

I don't get it.

Because some people back
therefucking started clapping,

like they thought
you and I were gonna
go upstairs and fight.

I don't--
Yeah, they are mine,
I, uh...

I had sex with a gal.

And then I got
a back cramp,

and you can't pull out...

when you get
a back cramp.

Are we all okay
with that explanation?

Right, like we were having
sex--sexual intercourse--

and then I was like,
I got three, three left, right,

and I was like one,
right, it was almost like

you're fucking
gonna jump off a building
or something,

one, two,
oh fuck my back!

And then it was over
and then I had a baby.

And I yelled at her,
I was like,

get out from under me
and jump up and down,

fuck, help, please.

We need a chiropractor
and a hanger now.

[laughter, oh's]

No, no abortion jokes?

No abortion jokes in China.
Is that right?

No, don't allow it.

What if I told you
it was a girl?

Would that change
your mind?

- [audience member boos]
- Boo?

Yeah, I fucking,
I'm your government,
let's go, ready?

I'm the government.
Yell, everybody yell at once.

Suck my fucking dick.

Seriously.

Boo.

There's a lot of emotion in
Chadwhen he's on stage

and I love that
and I think it's brilliant
and super funny.

I enjoy
that he harnesses
his anger

and-- and just unleashes it
with an outlet.

My favorite part
about this trip so far

is gonna be
watching the footage

from when I just said
"suck my fucking dick"
and you guys laughed

and we're all pretending
you know I was kidding.

And then watching my face
in slow motion go from

fucking pure inner rage

to all right,
I'd better smile.

Sorry about Chad,
everybody.

Um...

It's kind of
a work release program.

You know how many--

you know how many prisons
we have back home, right?

It's part
of his probation so.

You guys are good sports,
really good sports, thanks.

- Thanks.
- Yeah, thanks.

Thanks, brilliant.
Loved it.

Thank you.

Yay! Thank you.

- You met him before so he--
- Yeah, right.

he is from
the Ivory Coast.

He's a real refugee
here in Hong Kong

that a mutual friend of
oursintroduced us that he,

uh, needs some help--
get some confidence.

This is what we do.

He's already performed
for over a year--

to gain the confidence
to have him develop

into now such
a funny, funny comedian

when he couldn't have dreamed
of being this,

- this is what we do.
- Oh, that's great.

And he has a great,
great style sense.

[laughter]

15 year-old,
he's a comedian.

Wow.

15 years, have been
performingfor five year already.

Holy shit.
You guys were all--
blew my mind.

[overlapping conversation]

And it's good to see
some of you guys performing.

We learned a lot from you.
Thank you so much.

Yeah, thanks for having us,
for real, yeah.

We appreciate it.
It was really--

you guys were super gracious
and hospitable all week

so thanks
for everything, man.

It's a pleasure.
It's a pleasure.

And you're welcome
to Macau tomorrow.

Tom:
On Sunday the last day
of the tour,

we all met up at
the Hong Kong Ferry Terminal

to catch the one
o'clockhydrofoil to Macau.

Please spread the word
about TakeOut Comedy,

about what we're doing--
I get emails all the time--

if someone says,
"Oh, Tom Segura recommended me,"

I would email them
and I will always email you.

Chad:
Okay, that's cool.

And you gotta be-- just
bestraight out with me, yes or
no,

'cause I get emails
all the time from comics and...

Chad:
I'm not gonna give
anybody your name

'cause then
it's gonna lessen the chance
of me coming back.

Pete:
You know how you guys, um,

you know how you two
seem to have bonded, like,

harder than
I've seem to have bonded
with you guys?

No, I don't.
I don't notice that.

- No, like, I feel like...
- I picked up on it.

I feel like you guys, like,
I feel like we've all bonded.

And I really wanted to bond--
you and I already have a bond

from years
and years ago where, like,

I feel like the bond of you
twois just like insane, you
know,

and like,
'cause you went to get
suits together

and you almost died
in that alley.

No, there's, um...

You're-- you're-- you're
notgiving fair to the fact

that you brought
your spouse.

Yeah, it ruined everything

Not-- you didn't ruin anything

for having a companion
for your trip.

You have a companion
for your trip.

Like just from Macau,
should I get rid of Jami.

I mean, if you want
the last day to be awesome.

Rose, right?

Yeah, dude,
you know the expression.

- Yeah.
- Fuck your wife.

Tom:
Macau was a colony of
Portugalfor well over a century

before being handed back
to the Chinese in 1999.

You can still see
Portuguesearchitecture all over
the place

along with what seems to be
a Nevada influence.

Tonight's show is at
the MGM Grand in the Lounge.

- There's a big bus
over here guys.
- Where's our bag?

We're kind of like
New York City and Boston in
the '80s, I guess '70s now.

So that's why
we're so excited.

Ten years from now
that's where we'll be.

Right, but, you know,

you have to be careful

because U.S. '80s-- boom!--

- '90s go down.
- Yes, I agree.

Because the quality
is not there

and because nobody is trying
to nurture new comics

and then you have
too many rooms--

That's what
I'm trying to do,
all that-- yeah.

So, you know, we gotta becareful
about that, you know.

You money grab,
the money will go fast.

Don't grab the money,
grab the talent.

The money will come.
The money will come.

The money will come
sooner or later.

It doesn't matter.
Don't count on it, you know?

You're right.
You're right.

You know, we gonna,

you know, you don't count
your money when--

when you're gambling.

Pete:
I always see stuff like this
where, like,

some comedian will be
standing in front of their sign

to Vegas, but like I never
like it on Facebook

'cause I'm like,
you're just an asshole.

Well, I just want to make
itclear of doing it,

I-- I-- I don't care.
This is not for me.

- I'm doing this for--
- We're doing it...

I hope
we're doing it for him.

Like he wants it.
I don't want it.

We're doing it
so that Jamie can
document the...

There I am,
the face of Macau.

I don't know, man.

Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!

Don't think,
uh, we didn't notice

that you had that poster
made out front.

That's the Pete Lee show
with the background singers

Tom and fucking Chad.
This is it.

This is the poster
and then we're like...

Today is, um,
the lost stop of your,
of your tour.

So how do you feel so far
of your Asian tour?

- Feels amazing.
- Yeah?

Yeah, not only have the
showsbeen incredible,

which was a surprise
to learn that we're funny
over in Asia, too?

Um, but just everything

that my eyes have seen so farhas
been incredible.

It's almost like
I loaned my eyes out
to someone else

and got to see everything

of like a world traveler
would see.

Okay.

- Chad?
- I haven't--

I haven't left
my hotel room.

I've been watching
a lot of American movies

and I wish
that I could rent out
Pete Lee's eyes

to see the world
as a world traveler.

- Tom: I'm tired.
- Yeah?

I'm very tired.
I am still tired.

I've been very tried
the entire time.

- The entire time?
- The entire time.

- Even on the stage?
- On stage, off stage,

- right now.
- Right now.

I'm very, very tired,
but I've had the best time.

It's been
an amazing experience.

I mean,
I would have liked
to do it alone,

but I still
even with these guys,

it was still--
still an experience.

Guys, you cannot buy
your girlfriend a dildo

that's bigger than you.

That's just paying money
to emasculate yourself.

You can't buy your girlfriend
a dildo that's smaller than you.

That's just a shitty gift.

So really
it's a snatch 22.

[audience groans]

Not quite laughter,
but I'll take, "Ahhh!"

Tom:
To put it in gambling terms

a Sunday night show
in a casino lounge

in a foreign country
is pretty much

the hell gig trifecta,

but that doesn't mean
there wasn't some fun to be had.

I'm American.

Uh, you can probably tellbecause
I'm thin.

- [laughter]
- Oh.

I, uh,

I finally played golf
and beat my wife.

Those are two separatesentences.

I got home and she was like,
uh, were you playing golf?

And I just lost
my fucking mind.

I'm dressed like
an asshole,

what the fuck
do you think lady, Jesus?

Segura going up
and doing my first joke

and Pete Lee's first joke

combined with Pete's look,
the look on Pete's face

when he realized
what he was doing

is one of
the funnier things
I've seen,

and I was already laughing
at the fact

that Tom was doing it
and then I looked at Pete like,

isn't this funny?

And he was so mad
that that just made me
almostshit in my pants

I was laughing so hard.

And thank you guys,
this is my last show in Asia,

um, and, uh,
thank you guys,

uh, thank you guys
for being such a great crowd.

I appreciate you guys,
thank you, thank you guys.

Yeah.

Man:
Yeah!

That was Tom.

He was like, stay!
I'm like, fuck you.

I don't know if you guys
knowwhat Tom did out front,

but he went up
and did Chad and I's
opening jokes,

that like,
make the crowd love us
and he's an asshole.

Like he took away our spark
at the beginning of the show

so we both have to come up
herewith our dick in our hand

and be like,
I don't know what I'm gonna
open with.

So if you see him later
punch him in his dick,

but, like, punch a lot
'cause it's small.

[laughter, applause]

Keep it going
for Pete Lee everybody.

And Tom Segura.

Man:
Yay.

Yep, that was
the right response.

Tom wasn't
supposed to be
on this tour,

but he had to leave
Americabecause he raped a
waitress.

So he's actually
running from the law.

Well, not running,
I mean you saw him,
he doesn't run.

He's eating from the law.

Tom:
Probably a good thing the
tourdidn't go another night

or things
might have started
to get harsh.

This is such
a great night, folks.

This is the biggest crowd
we've ever had over two years,

so I'm gonna take a
littlepanoramic picture,
everyone.

So everyone
put your hands up,
put your hands up,

put your hands up.

You know for me,
I don't know what happens
in the future.

I'm just so glad
that we were somehow

part of the history
of stand-up comedy in Asia.

Don't move, don't move,
don't move.

Yay!

Tom:
You're so lucky
to be able to--

to get on a plane
and just talk about your dick

in a different continent,
you know.

Everyone have a good time?

Please, one more big hand
for Tom Segura, Pete Lee

and Chad Daniels.

Come on up here,
come on up here.

I think that I now know
that I can do comedy anywhere

and it's gonna be fine.

It was--
it was just a great time.

It was definitely, like,
leaving summer camp for sure.

When I got off the plane
I was just like,

where are you guys...?

My dad's here
to pick me up.

On the way back
I feel like energized

and-- and this is,
you know,

exactly what I done
for other people,

uh, what I envisioned
I do to myself.

- You guys are the best.
- [cheers, whistles]

♪♪

[Asian rap music playing]