All language subtitles for Before.Midnight.2013.1080p.BluRay.x264-OFT

So you got everything?
Mm-hm.

You gonna play
video games the whole flight

or do you think you might
actually crack a book?

Probably read some.

Well, if I write you an e-mail,
don't be scared to write back.

Let your old man know what you're
thinking about, what's going on.

Yeah.
If you want, we could try Skyping

once a week or something.
All right.

Yeah. Okay.

You got the drawings
for your science deal?

Yeah, think so.

Well, they turned out great,
by the way. Really great.

Thanks.

What--? Is your computer charged?
Yeah.

What do you think is the first thing
you're gonna do when you get home?

I don't know.
Hm? Oh.

I really cherish this
communication we have.
You know, it's just--

Your answers are so--
What?

Just keep practicing the piano.
You're really good.

They spend so much time
at that school of yours--

Music is something you'll use in life.

And don't forget to--
You want those sesame things.

Yeah.
All right.

[JESSE SPEAKS
IN GREEK]

There you go.
Thank you.

Okay.

I'll probably make it over there
in October. I'll try to see you
in that first recital.

And hopefully catch
a soccer game while I'm there.

[JESSE SPEAKS
IN GREEK]

I might not even play soccer
this year.

Oh, that'd be a big mistake.
Trust me.

I'm not that good.
Oh, no, you're pretty good.

You are. Huh?

I missed summer training
camp. The chances of me
starting are miniscule.

Well, just tell the coach
the situation.

Your dad lives in Europe.
You really wanted to be there.

You know, blah, blah, blah.
Blame me. "My parents stink,
but I'm really serious."

But I'm not serious, Dad.

I don't care that much.

Well, you don't have
to decide right now.
You know, just think about it.

All I'm saying is that team sports
are important, you know?

[SIGHS]

Here we are.

I love this airport.
It's awesome.

Heh. It's cool, right?
You excited about seeing
your mom?

Yeah, and all my friends.

Yeah. What about your
boarding pass, passport?

You feel confident
about making the connection?

I did this before.
But not with a tricky connection like this.

Remember, when you land,
you stay in your seat,

somebody from the airline
is gonna take you to the gate,
all right?

It's not a problem.
Okay. All right. Heh-heh-heh.

Oh, boy.

Well, looks like maybe we should
just do this thing, huh? Hm?

Okay, come here. Oh, God.

I'm gonna do my best
to make that recital, okay?

You know, I wouldn't bother.

Heh. What makes you say that?
I'm not being mean, but it'd be easier

if you didn't come to the recital.
How come?

Be better if you visited
on a "nothing" weekend.

But I wanna see you play.
It's because Mom hates you so much.

She'd be really stressed
if you were there and then
it'd be tense for me.

You know, go on.
Thank you.

We wouldn't have any time to hang out.
Don't worry. We'll figure that out.

I just don't want you to worry
about it, you know?

I mean, you know
how much I miss you, right?

[SIGHS]

Why do you think
she still hates me so much?

I don't know. I think she hates Daniel
more than she hates you.

Right.
Hey, don't worry. I'll figure something out.

We should just do this thing.
Yeah.

Is there anything
I can do to help?

I don't know.
But you know I love you, right?

Yeah, I know.
All right.

This has been the best summer
of my life.

Really?
Yeah.

Well, me too.

I told you this Greece thing
was gonna be great.

And it was.
Okay. All right.

I love you, pal.

Love you too, Dad.
Okay.

Okay, shake my hand.
All right.

Bye.
All right. See you.

[♪♪♪]

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Okay.

[CELINE SPEAKS
IN FRENCH]

[♪♪♪]

[CELINE CONTINUES
SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Okay.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

So, what's going on?

They voted against it.
What? The wind turbines?

Six months dealing with
those people, everyone
agreed it was great.

So, what happened?

They don't like the way
it looks on that hill.

No. I thought it was a done deal.
It was.

That's what's so infuriating.
Can they do that?

[WOMAN SPEAKING
IN GREEK OVER PA]

Of course, they've done it.
That's it. It's over, finis.

I'm sorry.
No, no. It's just so frustrating.

I can't take it anymore.

I'm gonna take that job
with Remy.

No, no. No, you don't
wanna work for him.

Why not?
For the government?

This is different. We need laws.
That's the only way anything
is gonna happen.

Not the only way.
You have been getting
good work done.

I've been thinking.
This is the way to go.

Let me remind you
you do not like that guy.

You worked for him before.
You complained about him.

He gets things done.
That's how I'm gonna be.

Okay.
A real bitch, okay?

Well, every time I look
at that guy, all I see is ambition.
Sorry, I don't trust him.

He's going from
nonprofit to government
to have people kiss his ass.

I don't care about him.

And I think
you're gonna be miserable.

Just with all the politicking
and compromise.

I've made my decision.
I'm tired of being the do-gooder

that rolls a boulder up
and watches it roll down.

Isn't Remy the guy
who used to throw
his pens at his assistant?

I should have taken
this job a year ago.

I was scared of the amount
of work, but I think it's
the best opportunity.

And it's more money,
and I'm doing it.

Okay. Are you sure?

No, I'm not sure of anything, okay?
All right. Heh.

What's gonna happen
to everyone if I leave?

Like Françoise and--
I mean, they count on me.

What do you think?

Should I take it or not?
I don't have an opinion.

I don't wanna see you
rush into a decision because
of this wind turbine.

Not just that. It's been
stirring in me all summer.

I know.
I should do it.

All right-- Then do it.
I'm doing it.

I'm doing it. All right?

Oh, God.
I wish things were simpler.

If I leave, I get fucked,
if I stay, I get fucked.

Heh, heh.
There's always a catch.

The world is fucked.
Yeah, maybe.

Oh, God. We finally have
a vacation and the girls
are sick for two weeks.

I know. I have the perfect son.
He lives a million miles away.

Or the love of your life
can't clean up after himself
or learn how to shave.

Who's that? I mean,
you're not talking
about Captain Cleanup.

Captain Cleanup.
The one that's been missing
in action all these years.

What'd you expect
at this point

in your life, missy?
Ay, ay, ay! God.

Oh, look at them.
They're so cute.

They look like conjoined twins.
Heh.

Oh, my God,
I'm gonna take a picture.

Hey, did Ella finish that apple?

The--
Take food out of your child's mouth?

Yeah.
Okay.

Well, it's all brown.

No, no, no,
there's a spot here.

Mm.

Ella, this is evidence
of your father stealing
food from you.

If you become bulimic
or anorexic,

Heh. Jesus.
it's not my fault.

Don't blame it all on your mother.
Ella, this is a family apple.

I'm teaching you
the value of sharing.
I love you, honey.

Aw. So sweet.

You will remember this
vacation different
than we will.

That's for sure.
I see that with my mom.

She remembers my childhood
different than I do.

Please, stop filming me.
Okay.

God. I love your mom.
You're always so hard on her.

You missed the fucked-up years.
You're just getting the good era.

The fucked-up years.
Heh, heh. That reminds me,
talking about fucked up,

did I ever tell you the story
of my little Cleopatra kitty?

No.
No? I think you would remember if I did.

It's the story-- You know,
when I was a little girl,
I had this cat named Cleopatra.

Every spring,
she'd jump the fence,
get pregnant

and always end up
with a litter of exactly two kittens.

Two kitties, huh?
Two kitties.

Every time, every year,
two cats.

I mean, it's just amazing.

Then one day, I was, like, around 30,
and was having lunch with my dad

and I was remembering--
Mentioning little Cleopatra,

and he was like:

"The hardest thing I ever had to do
was to kill those cute little kittens."

And I was like, "What?"

It turns out-- Listen to this.

There were sometimes
up to seven kittens in that litter.

Oh, no.

He would take five of them,
Oh, no.

put them into a bag
with a bunch of ether.

That's terrible.

That was like--

He had forgotten the lie he
and my mom had told me as a kid.

How did he decide which ones to kill?
I asked him that.

"Did you take the fluffiest? Cutest?"
Right.

You know?
He just started to cry.

Aw.
Poor Daddy.

Oh. We said we were gonna stop.
They wanted to see the ruins.

JESSE:
Should we?

CELINE:
Well, Ella really wanted to.

JESSE: But should we wake them up?
CELINE: I don't know.

On our way back to the airport,
we can catch them. Hm?

You know we won't.
Probably not.

Oh, God.

So long, ancient ruins.
Shh.

What's so great about you anyway?
Seen one, seen them all.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, my God.
We are shitty parents.
We should have stopped.

Ah, it's okay.
It's culture. Go back.

You gotta put character into these kids.
Yeah, yeah.

We're teaching them a valuable
lesson. If you snooze,
you lose in this world.

And when the girls are in rehab
Ha-ha-ha.

recovering from 10 years
of addiction to coke and speed,

they'll say, "We never felt
comfortable falling asleep.

Daddy used to tell us,
'You snooze, you lose."'
And that'll be your fault again.

Yeah, well, we are shitty parents.
I know.

Oh... Saying goodbye
to Hank sucked.

Why, was he upset?

No, no. He said it was
the best summer of his life.

Well, that's great.

I mean, I wouldn't worry too much
about him. We spoke a bunch.

You know what his main concerns are?
What?

Pimples and how girls perceive him.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

What do you mean? I'm not like that.
Oh, please.

What?
That's all you think about.

What?
Women. I mean--

Heh. I'm not complaining,
I'm getting a lot of attention.

But you never stop ogling girls, like:
I don't ogle girls. I don't ogle girls.

[IN FOREIGN ACCENT]
I make love to them with my eyes.

I like the Spanish guy.
Or is it Greek?

I don't know where I'm from,
but I'm very hairy.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Well, I think-- You know,
Henry might have, you know...

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What?

With that little Melina girl.

I don't know.
He had a crush, but--

Oh, are you kidding?
What?

Why do you think he said
it was the best summer of his life?

Because he and I
had a good time together?

[LAUGHS]

Jesse.
No, huh?

So, what, you think they--?
Of course.

They kissed?
Yeah, they kissed. Yeah, yeah.

I was sworn to secrecy, but he told me.
What did he say?

I'm not supposed to tell you.
I'm not gonna talk.

Hey, hey. Come on.
Okay.

He told me he was worried--
You know, concerned about
the kissing.

You know, tongue. Her tongue.

What, he kissed her?
Yeah.

But he was so cute, all nervous,
all red, biting his cheek.

Like when he was little.

So he and Melina were a real thing?
Yeah.

What's gonna happen now?

I don't know. They must be
friends on Facebook.

Keep in touch for a while.
Hey, hey. What if they end up

spending their life together, you know?
You're so corny.

Ha-ha-ha. No.
Sometimes, I'm just like--

What are you, a 12-year-old girl?
I'm just--

First love, do you even
remember who it was?

Yeah, I do. It was you.
Oh, please, like you were a virgin at 23.

You said first love,
not first sexual experience.

Fine. I'm the first woman
you ever fell in love with?

Yeah.
I don't think so.

First one I felt
truly connected to, sure.
What, I wasn't your first love?

No, of course not.
Oh.

No, I just-- I thought I was.
Oh-- Ha-ha-ha.

Jesse, stop this. It's dumb.
It's okay. Not a big deal.

No. Okay, how old are you?
Come on.

I'm 41 and I've loved only you.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

You are so, so working
on our little night already.

Hell, yeah.
I got a Trojan in my billfold,
and a rocket in my pocket.

I'm stuck with
an American teenager.

I can't believe it.

Do we have to do
all that stuff later?

What? Oh, yeah, come on.

It means a lot to Patrick.
Ariadni and Stefanos are
already there prepping.

The kids wanted one more big time.
No, no.

No, no,
but I meant the hotel later.

[PHONE CHIMING]

I'm not sure I want to go--
Hi, sweetie.

Yeah.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Well, it's fine. It's fine.

Call me from London.
Have a good flight. Bye.

They were telling them
to turn everything off.

And I asked him to call me from
the plane. I don't like when he flies.

[SIGHS]

What?

What is it?
It's just--

I don't know.
I don't know. I don't--

I just don't think I can keep
doing this.

What?

It's just every summer,
every Christmas.
You know, it's like...

I mean-- It wouldn't be so bad,
It makes me ill every time.

you know,
like if we were sending him
to boarding school or just--

I don't know, if his mom and I
got along a little bit better.

It's like we're sending him back
across enemy lines.

It really hit me this time.

It's, like, he's gonna be
a freshman in high school.

Four more years
and he's gonna be on his own.

Maybe that's good. Only four years.
This is the crucial time.

I just feel like I should
be there for him. Like it's
now or never, you know?

No. What do you mean?

I just thought somehow
he'd end up living with us
somewhere along the way.

You know,
time's going by so fast.

And here we are, it's high school.

There's girls. Next thing you know,
it's college applications.

You're right, maybe it's time.

I mean, it's time to tell his mom
all this and ask if he can come
and live with us.

He'd love it.
We can put him in that bilin--

That's never gonna happen,
all right?

She's never gonna give me one thing
she's not legally obligated to.

You wanna call that lawyer again?
No. He's terrible.

Should I call his mother?

Uh, no. Please. Never again.

Look, he doesn't even know
how to throw a baseball.

Who cares?

It's just-- He leads with his elbow.
He throws like a girl.

It's not your fault.
No, it is my fault.

A father is supposed to teach you that.
He just doesn't like baseball.

It's an example.
It's a metaphor for everything.

He's turning 14,
and he needs his father.

[SIGHS]

Jesse, I'm not moving to Chicago.

Did I ask you to? Where did that
come from? I'm thinking out loud.

This is the one thing I promised
myself I'd never do

and I look up and I'm doing it.

Well, listen, you're a wonderful father.
He loves the relationship you have.

He loves the letters.
He doesn't read the letters.

He reads them. He doesn't compliment.
I know if I miss these years,

they are never coming back.

Oh, my God.
What?

This is where it ends.

What are you talking about?

This is how people start breaking up.
Oh, my God.

You just jumped off a cliff.
No, I'm marking this.

This is the day
you light the ticking bomb
that will destroy our lives.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah.
Okay.

First, you don't light
a ticking bomb. You set it.

It has a timer. That's why it ticks.
Whatever. Well, it's ticking right now.

This is how it happens.
You're unhappy, you blame it
on the other person.

Resentment grows, you break up.
You're just doing this to shut me up.

Not at all. No.
That's what you're doing.

I'm surprised we lasted this long.
The hyperbole.

We're on parallel tracks,
but now the tracks have crossed.

I'm going west. You're going east.

This is how it happens. I've seen it.
Katherine and Alexander--

You're kidding, right? You're kidding?
Well, no.

I'm kidding.

And I'm not.

All right?

I'm just--

This is it.
How much longer to the ruins?

Oh, they were closed.

Yeah.
We-- Yeah.

We're gonna catch them
on the way back when
we're going to the airport.

Okay?
Exactly.

We'll leave early, right? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

What happened to my apple?

Your apple.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Right?

[CELINE SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Give me the list.
I don't have it.

It's in your wallet.

In your wallet.

Okay.
Yeah.

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

CELINE:
Okay, I'm the general.

[BOTH SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Who made you general?
The general, okay?

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

Private Cleanup.
You don't touch anything.

[JESSE, ELLA & NINA
SPEAK IN FRENCH]

Ugh.

[♪♪♪]

[CELINE SPEAKING
IN FRENCH]

Nina!

Ariadni. Ah!

JESSE:
You gotta do better than that.
No, no, no.

I got you. Oh. Oh! Oh!

Oh, where's my team?
Where's my team?

[BOTH SPEAKING IN GREEK]

[LAUGHING]

[CELINE SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

The red ones.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Okay. Pepper.

Uh, I read both.
The first one is That Time,
second is This Time.

First is This Time.
second is

We've got a joke in our family
that This brought us back together

and That paid for our apartment.
STEFANOS: Okay.

It must be a little weird for Celine,
the way she's in the book like that.

Why? She's gotten used to it.

Second one is sexy. He misses
the plane, they black out the windows

and they have sex for days and days
and days like there's no tomorrow, whoa.

Did you guys actually do that?

You did that, huh?
PATRICK: You read Jesse's third book?

It's better than the first two.

Took longer to write
than the first two put together.

Third one I didn't read.
My wife gave it to me,
but it's too long for me.

The title is long. What's the title?

Temporary Cast Members of a Long
Running But Little Seen Production

of a Play Called Fleeting.
Well, exactly, my point.

Everybody else thought
it was too long.

Well, it's a better book.
It's so much more ambitious.

[PATRICK & STEFANOS
SPEAKING IN GREEK]

What's that?

No, he says he likes all the books.

He does. Huh?

Well...
Ha, ha.

I love it here.
This place is amazing.

Those tomatoes are so amazing.
I can--

I can smell them.

It smells so good.

Yeah, Patrick
is very proud of them.

I know it's stupid, but when
we were about to leave Paris,

I was nervous to come here.
Now we're about to leave,
I don't wanna go.

Why were you nervous?
ARIADNI: Yeah, why was that?

This place,
it's so full of thousands
of years of myth and tragedy.

Thought something
was gonna happen.

You thought the minotaur
was going to eat your children?

Yes. Exactly.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Well, I've been working
on this idea

about a group of people
with all these brain abnormalities.

So the book would be like
a day in their life from all their
unique points of view.

This older lady has a condition
that makes you feel

like you're in a state of déjà vu.

Every single experience she has
feels like she's had it before.

She could be sitting here,
seemingly functional.

In her head, she's thinking,
"Didn't he already say that?

Weren't we were here yesterday
having this exact same conversation?"

Like déjà vu.
Except all the time.

That's the thing, right?
Everything she takes in.

Uh, breakfast, a newspaper,
a movie. She's convinced
she's encountered it already.

That's a real condition?
Yeah, it's called, um, persistent déjà--

It's real, but I can't pronounce it.
Ha-ha-ha.

Then there's these two other
characters with facial
recognition extremes.

There's this one guy and he can't
recognize his wife of 20 years.

He looks at himself in the mirror,
and he feels this disconnect

with that man he's looking at.

Then the other character
is the opposite.
A middle-aged housewife

with exacting memory of every face
she's ever seen.

She lives in a big city,
but to her, it's a small town.

Like, a taxi drives past and she thinks:
"Oh, that's the driver who dropped me off

at Place des Vosges
three Christmases ago."

Like some old lady
walking on the street, she thinks:

[GASPS]

"She sat two seats down from me
on the Metro last year."

So everyone she meets, you know,
to her, feels intimate and connected.

I'm like the first guy.

Like I feel connected to nothing
most of the time, man.

Oh, Achilleas, Anna.
Hey, you guys.

[ANNA SLAPS THEN GIGGLING]

PATRICK:
Hey, look at this kid.

He's having the best summer
of us all.

[ACHILLEAS SPEAKS
IN GREEK]

So you were saying
there's three characters, right?

Not just three.
It's a whole group of people.

I'm working on a chapter
about a young Greek man
named Achilleas.

Me?
JESSE: Well, he's named after you.

The guy is caught in a loop. All he sees
is the transient nature of everything.

He looks out at the sea, thinks it's gonna
be dry and littered with fossils.

Well, I don't know.

JESSE: What?
Sounds pretentious.

It won't be pretentious.
It's gonna be funny.

Really funny.
Like, he picks up a book

and he wonders, "Who's gonna be
the last person to read this?"

And that's funny? Ha-ha-ha.
Sometimes I kind of think like that.

Okay. So he doesn't get excited
about tits, cars, booze? Nothing.

He just thinks about death.

Well, not so much death, right?
It's just like transformation.

Like he's seeing too far into the future.
Okay.

I like this idea
for a novel.

Add a character of an old man who can't
remember what he had for breakfast,

but can still hear the song playing
when Sheila Campbell danced topless

on the bar at Jury's
when he was 14 years old.

That'd work.
STEFANOS: Okay,

you have these people lost in time.
But what's the connection?

Are they gonna have sex?
Don't you need that?

It's not time they're lost in.
It's perception. That's the deal.

No, I'm thinking of setting
the whole novel at a movie.

Like every character comes
in contact with the film
On the Waterfront.

Have you seen On the Waterfront?
On the Waterfront?

[SPEAKS IN GREEK]

Oh, with Brando? Uh-huh.
JESSE: Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, the first chapter is
opening weekend, Times Square, 1954.

That old lady with perpetual déjà vu
walks into the matinee screening, right?

Except the whole time she's thinking,
"Haven't I already seen this?"

Yeah.
Another chapter is a 1979

Paris film studies class.

Then we have, uh, a Kazan retrospective
in Munich, 1993.

That is time. How is that not time?
Yeah, it's time. But it's more perception.

You don't like it?
I think it's gonna be too long. Ha-ha-ha.

PATRICK:
Well, I like it.

Don't listen to him. He makes bicycles.
Send it to me in galleys.

Will do.

[CHATTERING]

BOY:
Watch out.

[♪♪♪]

CELINE:
In France, we stuff tomatoes with
tomatoes and peppers with peppers.

We use the same for both
because of the way it reacts
differently in terms of taste.

CELINE:
Okay.

Celine, make sure
you don't stuff them
too much

because of the way
it overflows in the oven.

Okay.
Gets nasty.

You're doing fine, Celine.

ARIADNI:
And, especially,
don't listen to Stefanos.

Because he's never made this dish
before or any other dish for that matter.

[CELINE & STEFANOS CHUCKLING]

STEFANOS:
You know? I mean--

[BOTH SPEAKING IN GREEK]

Let go.

Let go of me! Let go.

[BOTH SPEAKING IN GREEK]

You guys are fighting.
Ha-ha-ha.

With knives?

Okay, stop it.
Stop fighting with knives.

We're not fighting. We're negotiating.
Yeah.

CELINE:
Negotiating. That's how you call it?

Wow.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

It's a system that we have.

Wow. You found a system
that works for you.

I thought it was a relationship.
I like system. That's good.

Not too many, right?
Not too many.

[CELINE SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

[CELINE & STEFANOS GASP]

[LAUGHS AND
SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

We used to have that system.
Ha-ha-ha.

[♪♪♪]

[CHATTERING]

Not too far, you guys!

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

[CHATTERING]

[GLASS CLINKING]

I don't wanna let this meal
go by without saying
thank you to everyone.

And especially you, Patrick.

We had no idea
what we were getting into
these last six weeks.

A letter arrives from the university

inviting us to the southern
Peloponnese of Greece

to the guest house of a great writer?

Sure, why not?
ALL: Ha-ha-ha.

And then at the airport
earlier today,

Hank says this has been
the greatest summer of his life.

PATRICK: That's nice.
And I have to say the same.

Thank you, Patrick. Not just for what
you've done for me and my family,

but for all the ways you're
giving back. To Patrick.

[ALL SPEAKING IN GREEK]

Thank you, thank you. When I first
saw you at the airport, I thought:

"No way a man dressed like that
could be a man of letters."

[ALL LAUGHING]

But now, now I think
I've learned your secret.

We've had many great writers here
over the past decade.

But never one who had a partner
more interesting than themselves.

ALL:
Oh.

[ALL CHUCKLING]

I keep telling you. Ha-ha-ha.

And Celine,
it's been so great to have you

and your daughters'
wonderful vitality around here.

And I'm so happy that you were able
to meet my dear friend, Natalia.

Whose husband Elias
was like a brother to me.

Sorry about the curtains.
JESSE: Shouldn't have given cherries.

It was my fault.
So beautiful.

Thanks for including Anna
and me this summer.

He usually puts me to work.

But when I bring Anna,
he lets me sit at the table
of the grown-ups.

Hey, welcome to
the grown-ups table.

[ALL CHATTERING]

How long have you two been together?
Since last summer.

We met one year ago in
my last few days here with Grandpa.

Before I had to go back to Athens.
We met at my cast party.

I was doing Shakespeare
at Epidavros. Yup.

So who did you play?
I was Perdita in Winter's Tale.

And she was fantastic.

Remember, Patrick, we went to that?
Ah, Perdita.

"When you do dance,
I wish you a wave o' the sea

that you might ever do nothing
but that."

[ALL CHEERING]

The way he just performed that
was better than the guy at the play.

People are still talking about that.

The after-party was even better.
It's where we met.

Yeah. I had an old BSA motorcycle.

Nice.
ACHILLEAS: We drove around all night.

And then I had to drive her back
to the theater to get her stuff.

And it was dawn.
I'll never forget it.

It's outdoors and seats
12,000 people, but it was
now completely empty.

ACHILLEAS:
And she was sitting way up
in the back row.

So I went up on stage
and whispered to her--

Acoustics there are incredible.
I could see his mouth move

and then three seconds later,
I could hear his voice in my ear.

What did he say?

Oh! Okay.
Private. Private.

And then she had to fly back to Paris
a couple of days later.

How did you keep in touch?
We Skyped every day since then.

When we're apart,
we have a thing of putting
our laptop by the pillow

and fall asleep together.

Oh, that's the new romance.
ALL: Heh-heh-heh.

And when I wake up,
the screen is usually frozen.

And Anna's face
is in some funny position, like:

[ALL LAUGHING]

STEFANOS:
Let me ask--
Can I ask a question?

Please?
ANNA: Yeah.

When you guys Skype,
do you, you know--?

Do you go a little crazy?
Oh, God, you're being so vulgar.

I'm just being
an amateur anthropologist

interested in virtual worlds
on a theoretical level.

So now you're an anthropologist?
Yeah.

For instance,
the sex of the near future,
I'm not making this up,

but is gonna be just like
plugging in, attaching something
to your genitals,

and you'll be having
virtual intercourse
with anyone of your choice.

You'll be able to program in
all your preferences.

You'll be able to type in
what you want Marilyn Monroe
to whisper in your ear.

I might like that.

All right. Come on.
Yes.

JESSE:
Oh, thank you.
Thank you. Here, here.

I mean, why not?
More and more of our experiences

are going to take place
in the virtual world, you know?

You're a writer. How are
you gonna feel when a computer
can write a book

better than War and peace?
It'll never happen.

It's only a question about
when it's going to happen.

I think I'm gonna feel about it the same
way Kasparov felt when they could

no longer compete with that computer.
Big Blue.

Right. Nobody thought a computer
could beat our best.

"A machine lacks
that ineffable human instinct."

And then-- You know,
and now we can't even compete.

I saw a documentary where they were
doing an experiment on a lab rat.

And he was wired up

and he could push a switch
and have an orgasm.

And so the scientists
were sort of laughing at
this pathetic little creature

while it ignored his food and water
and didn't do anything else.

And eventually it just died.

I mean,
I think that's the future of humanity.

You know, just:
ALL: Ha-ha-ha.

CELINE:
And die.

Well, well, maybe so,

but every generation
believes that they're witnessing
the end of the world,

but I feel
that I'm actually living it.

Okay, I have a question
for you, Patrick. I think a lot
of people are feeling that way.

That we're this kind of
pleasure-obsessed, porn-addled,

materialists,
ceding our humanity to technology

at the same moment that
computers are becoming sentient.

So, what my question is,
is this notion of self to begin with.

Well, it's written over the portals
to the temple of Apollo at Delphi.

It says, "gnothi seauton,"
which means "Know thyself."

But we're kind of 99 percent
automated already.

No. Our personality
or this thing we think of as ourself

is a tiny fraction
of what the brain is doing.

Most of it is
automated body functions.
What is it we're ceding?

No, if this notion of self
is such a small percentage
of you, sweetie,

how come I always hear
so much about it?

Well, just like my penis.
It's not that big.
It's a small part of myself,

but it needs a lot of attention.
His too.

ARIADNI: Ha-ha-ha.
And how did you two meet?

You don't know?
ANNA: What?

You have to read Jesse's books.

If you wanna know what it's like
to have sex with me, read away.

STEFANOS: Read away.
Oh, excuse me, Stefanos.

No, no. I mean it's well-written.
ACHILLEAS: Ha-ha-ha.

Yeah.
Thank you. We met about 18 years ago.

We kind of, sort of fell in love
a little bit, and then we--

A bit. Then we lost track
of each other. A decade later,
we ran into each other.

We didn't run into each other.
We didn't?

No. You wrote a book "inspired"
by our meeting.

Yeah.
I read about it and went to look for him.

Pretty romantic.
JESSE: It was.

Not really. Not really.
He neglects to mention

he was married, had a kid--
Details.

That part was a disaster.

It wasn't. It was inevitable.
Yeah.

The first time we have sex
without a condom, twins.

I've been chained to the sink ever since.
One pitch, two-run homer. Boom.

It's not that bad.
The girls are so beautiful.

They're cute.
ALL: Ha-ha-ha.

Okay. No, no.
It has some upsides, okay.

Let me tell you right now, Anna,
how to keep a man.

You gotta let them win

at all the silly little games they like.
Oh, okay.

When I met Jesse, we were playing
pinball. I was winning.

The foundational lie
to our relationship.

I let the ball go down the middle.
She can't beat me.

It builds their confidence.

If I didn't let him win at every game,
we would never have sex.

I mean, I'm sorry to say it,
but he's actually a closet macho.

He dreams of having a bimbo
for a wife.

It's my greatest aspiration, a bimbo.
Dreams.

STEFANOS:
Whoa.

[IN BREATHY VOICE] So...
Uh-oh.

Yes.
ALL: Ha-ha-ha.

So you're a writer?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

So you write, like, books?

[ALL CHUCKLING]

I've written a few, sure.
Sure, yeah.

Wow.
I've never met a writer before.

No?
You must be really smart.

You know, I can't even write
my own name sometimes
when I'm tired.

Aw. What kind of books
do you like, huh?

Well, I like stories
with a meaning behind it.

Like a really beautiful love story.
Oh, sure, yeah.

You know, I read this book once,
uh, Romeo and...

Juliet.

Right?
Yeah.

Oh, yeah.
Wow. You know it.

It's very good. It's a play, actually.
It's not a book, a play.

I thought it was a book
based on the movie.

ALL: Ha-ha-ha.
No. No, a play. Yeah.

Okay, it was a play. Wow.
ALL: Ha-ha-ha.

Well, I didn't read the whole thing
because sometimes

I have to keep up
and read those magazines

to know what's going on
in those people's lives.

Well, that is important.
Okay, well, you're very, very smart.

And I bet you have a gigantic penis.

Why am I finding myself
so attracted to this woman?

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
For real! And that's the funny
part of it.

The not-so-funny part
of the closet macho, okay,

is today, after we dropped
Henry off, he tells me
even though I have an offer

for an amazing job,
he wants me to move to Chicago.

That's not what I said. I missed him.
So we can babysit for his ex-wife.

I thought I was in a--
ARIADNI: Hey, stop it.

It must have been hard
saying goodbye to Hank.

Yeah, of course.
ARIADNI: He's such an amazing kid.

Tell him I miss my chess partner.
I will.

When Stefanos and I split up,
I'm getting full custody.

Oh. That's okay for a while

because me and my 20-year-old
girlfriend will be a little bit preoccupied.

[ALL LAUGH]

ARIADNI: I love men.
STEFANOS: And I love you.

ANNA:
Aw...

[LAUGHING]

ARIADNI:
Okay, I have a story
that my husband here loves.

Gonna tell you everything you need
to know about masculine and feminine.

JESSE: Okay.
Okay, ready?

JESSE: Yeah.
My mom used to be a nurse,

so she was there when people
were coming out of their coma.

Oh, that story. I'm listening.
Listen.

It's an interesting story.
I'm listening.

So she was the one to tell them:

"Hi. My name's Katerina.
You're coming out of a coma.

[LAUGHING]

You've been in a really bad
automobile accident,

but you're gonna be okay.

You're gonna be fine."
You know, stuff like that.

She said that every woman,
the very first thing,

the first reaction she would have,
would be to ask about everyone else.

"How are my kids?
How's my husband?

Is anyone else hurt?"

Every man, with no exception,
when they were told this,

what was the first thing they did?

Look down at their cock.

[ALL LAUGHING]

You know what?
You gotta make sure
it's still there.

You gotta make sure
it's still working.

Alive and kicking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And only eventually
they'd come around
to asking about their kids

or about someone else
they might've accidentally killed.

Stuff like that.

Doesn't that say it all?
Penis first, then the rest
of the world.

WOMEN [CHANTING]:
Penis, penis, penis...

JESSE:
Okay, okay. Whoa, whoa.

But if you can explain it all
on strictly gender terms,

why do you,
or why does any woman,
waste time getting mad at

or bother trying to change a man?
If it's all biology, what is the problem?

And you're so good
at turning things around.

No, I mean, like, he's a genius.
It's like getting pissed at a frog

for being green.
Yes. Exactly.

Hearing all this, I wonder if this idea
of love affair that lasts forever

is still relevant to us.

I mean, we know that we are going
to break up eventually.

ACHILLEAS: Definitely.
Are your parents still together?

No way.
JESSE: No? And what about you?

They are. But they could be divorced.
JESSE: They could be.

I think if they had more money,
they wouldn't still be together.

God, you guys are so practical.
I was born into the wrong generation.

My grandmother's mother
wrote to our whole family

a 26-page letter from her deathbed.

And she spent three pages
on the costumes she did for a play

and one paragraph on her husband.
She an actress too?

No, she was a, um--
She was a--

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

Seamstress. A seamstress.
ANNA: Seamstress.

And she had
all these wonderful friends.

And about my great-grandfather,
she mentioned three events.

He went to the war, we moved
because of his job, and he died.

[ALL CHUCKLING]

Her big advice was to not to be
too consumed with romantic love.

Friendships and work, she said,
brought her the most happiness.

I couldn't agree more.

I mean,
that's the thing that fucks us up.

This idea of a soul mate, of someone
who will come to complete us

and save us from
having to take care of ourselves.

With Stefanos,
I set the bar extremely low.

[ALL LAUGH]

I know he's not gonna meet
any of my needs.

Definitely not.

What about Grandma?
Was she soul mate?

Well, sounds appealing,
but actually your grandmother
was more rational than that.

She took care of herself
and asked me to do the same.

We had plenty of room
to meet in the middle.

Yeah. That sounds ideal.
That is, actually. It is.

But it must be obvious
my wife is not here today.

We were never one person. Always two.
We preferred it that way.

That's so beautiful.

I think my husband is always trying
to almost colonize me, you know?

I colonize you?

Yes, but I colonize you too, darling.
Oh. Okay.

PATRICK:
But at the end of the day,

it's not the love of one
other person that matters,
it's the love of life.

That's good to know,
because life, I can handle.

Ariadni, on the other hand.
we all know the Greeks
invented tragedy.

And on top of that,
she's from the region of Mani,

which is short for maniac.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[WHISPERS]
Ask them about the hotel.

If we can't make that hotel
room tonight, could you get
a refund or use it yourself?

No, we don't get a refund, man.
Are you trying to get out of it?

It's such a great gift,
but I'm so stressed

getting all the packing ready--
ARIADNI: No.

We made a deal, guys.
We watch the kids.
You're gonna love it.

We're gonna watch yours.
Really good.

ARIADNI:
It's a fantastic walk to the hotel.
And you want to grab it.

And we'll be very offended
if you don't go.

Okay. Thank you.

Mm.
You're going.

NATALIA:
Well, when I think of Elias,

what I miss the most about him

is the way he used to lie down
next to me at night.

Sometimes his arm would stretch
along my chest.

And I couldn't move.
I even held my breath.

But I felt safe.

Complete.

And I miss the way he was whistling
walking down the street.

And every time I do something,
I think of what he would say:

"It's cold today. Wear a scarf." Heh.

But lately,
I've been forgetting little things.

He's sort of fading
and I'm starting to forget him,

and it's like losing him again.

So sometimes, I make myself
remember every detail of his face.

The exact color of his eyes,
his lips, his teeth,

the texture of his skin, his hair.

That was all gone by the time he went.

And sometimes-- Not always.

But sometimes

I can actually see him.

It's as if a cloud moves away
and there he is.

I could almost touch him.

But then the real world rushes in,
and he vanishes again.

For a while,
I did this every morning

when the sun
was not too bright outside.

The sun somehow makes him vanish.

Yes, he appears and he disappears,
like a sunrise or sunset.

Anything so ephemeral.

Eh, just like our life. Hm?

We appear and we disappear.

And we are so important to some,

but we are just passing through.

To passing through.
To passing through.

STEFANOS: To passing through.
ANNA: To passing through.

[PATRICK SPEAKS IN GREEK]

[♪♪♪]

JESSE:
And eventually he catches his face
in the window's reflection.

He realizes he's no longer
a 9-year-old boy.

He's suddenly old. He's got
a beard, his eyes are watery.

This one seems sad.
I thought you were gonna
tell me about the guy

that has an imaginary friend.
Which one?

When he's in his 50's,

imaginary friend shows up again.
Hummingbird?

That one. It's funny.
Yeah. You like that one? Oh.

Remember that letter
that you let me read

that you wrote when you were 20
to yourself at 40?

I remember.
"Dear 40-year-old Jesse,
I hope you're not divorced."

I didn't remember that part.
I meant all the other things
in that letter.

You're the same guy.

We always think we're evolving,
but we can't change that much.

Know how I think I've changed the most?
How?

When I was younger,
I just wanted time to speed up.

Why?
So I could be on my own,

be freed from parents, school,
all that shit.

I just wanted to close my eyes
and wake up and be an adult.

Now I feel that happened,
and I just want everything
to slow down.

Mm. I've always had this feeling
no matter where I am in my life

that it's either a memory or a dream.
You've always thought that.

Me too. Like, is this really my life?
Like, is it happening right now?

It is. Ha-ha-ha.
I know. Heh, heh.

Every year, I seem to get a bit
more humbled and more
overwhelmed

about things I'm never gonna
know or understand.

I keep telling you, you know nothing.
I know. I'm coming around.

But not knowing is not so bad.

I mean, the point is to be looking,
searching, to stay hungry, right?

It's true.
I just wish it was a little easier.

How do you mean?

Just to maintain a certain level
of passion, you know?

I mean,
it used to come so naturally.

I remember when I was younger,
me and all my writer friends,
we, like--

It felt like we were doing something
important. This was our time.

But you were all arrogant
little pricks.

Heh. No. Well-- All right, maybe.
Ha-ha-ha.

I don't know. It grew out
of all this energy and this creativity

or whatever ambitions people had.

I think you gotta be a little deluded
to stay motivated.

Young men have this thing
about comparing themselves.

They have all these signposts
they judge themself by.

You used to do that all the time.
Do what?

It was like, uh,
"Rimbaud wrote this by 17."

Oh, yeah, definitely. Balzac
wrote a book before breakfast,
so what am I doing?

Women don't think that way as much.
You don't think so?

No. We have much less
to compare ourselves to maybe.

Women who achieve anything,
first time you hear about them,
they're in their 50s.

It was so hard for them
to get any recognitions before then.

They struggled for 30 years
or they raised kids

and were stranded at home
before they could finally do
what they want.

Actually,
you know, it's kind of freeing.
We don't have to spend our lives

comparing ourselves
to Martin Luther King,

Ha-ha-ha.
Gandhi, Tolstoy.

What about Joan of Arc, right?

I mean, she was a teenager,
and she saved France, so--

Who wants to be Joan of Arc?
Forget France.

She was burned at the stake
and a virgin, okay?

Ha-ha-ha. Okay.
Nothing I aspire to.

What a great achievement.
Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, God.
What?

No, nothing.

What?
This is so weird. Ha, ha.

What do you mean?
Just this.

Us, walking,
having a conversation

about something else
than scheduling, food, work.

Yeah, how long's it been
since we just wandered
around bullshitting?

Do you hear what I hear?

The sea?
No.

What? Oh, no small feet.
Mm-hm.

No-- Nothing being knocked over,
nothing we have to clean up,

no injustices being done.

Yeah. So when was the last time?
Mm.

When we had nowhere we had to be?
Yeah.

Remember Luxembourg Gardens?
Yeah.

Used to kick your ass at Ping-Pong?
Congratulations.

You beat a woman pregnant
with twins.

It's better than losing
to a pregnant woman with twins.

Okay? Heh, heh.
Oh, God.

You know what I think?

From the time we leave
our parents' house until
we have kids.

That's the only time your life
is completely your own.

I had about a decade of that.
It was great.

It was just like one long flowing--

A day, a week, a year.

There wasn't much difference.
I used to keep track of time.

Through jobs,
boyfriends, stuff like that.
Now I can tell you every detail

of the past seven years
based on what was happening
in the girls' lives.

Yeah, right. Totally.

You do that too?

Yeah. I mean, time's demarcated now.
Really?

What?
No, no, no. No, I just--

I'm surprised.
I'm surprised you do that.
No, but-- Okay, quick test.

Oh, no.
You know, August, 2009.

No, August-- Come on. It's a quick one.
Why?

What was happening?
August--

We were on vacation
with your parents.

Nina got the chicken pox first,
quickly followed by Ella.

I'm so impressed.
So do I get a gold star?

Maybe.
Mm-hm.

Hey, can I ask you a question?
Sure.

If we were meeting
for the first time today on a train,
would you find me attractive?

Of course.
No, but really, right now, as I am?

Would you start talking to me?

Would you ask me
to get off the train with you?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Well, I mean, you're asking
a theoretical question.

What would my life situation be?
Wouldn't I be cheating on you?

Why can't you just say yes?
I did.

I wanted you to say something
romantic and you blew it.

Okay, all right, wait,
if I saw you on a train,

I would lock eyes with you, walk up to you
Uh-huh.

and say, "Hey, baby.

You are making me as horny
as a billy goat in a pepper patch."

Aah! Stop it! That's disgusting!

Billy goat? No. The truth is,
okay, you failed the test.

The fact is, you would not
pick me up on a train.

Would not notice
a fat-assed middle-aged mom

losing her hair.
Okay. Losing-- Ha-ha-ha.

Yeah, that's me.

You set me up to fail on this one.

Okay, true, true, true.
You did. All right.

But in the real world, baldy, okay,
on game day when it mattered,

I did talk to you on a train, okay?
I did. It was the best thing I ever did.

Really? Look at the goats.
Hey.

CELINE: Hello.
JESSE: Yeah.

But, heh, you know,
that's not even a good question.

The real question would be,
if I did ask you to get off a train,

Yeah?
would you get off with me?

Of course not.
I have people waiting for me.

You know, and, heh, heh,
a 41-year-old horny billy goat.

How creepy. I'm creeped out
right now. Help!

I can't believe I'm 41 .

Yeah, me neither. You've gotten so old.
Heh.

I never thought I'd sleep
with anyone over 40.

Actually, you're the oldest guy
I've ever slept with.

That's something.
I'm not the oldest guy
you've ever blown.

What?

That conference in Warsaw.

What conference?
Lech Walesa.

Lech Walesa?

Oh, what are you talking about?
It's okay.

It was before we were together.
It's-- You can admit it.

I can remember the way you talked
about how he opened your heart.

You definitely blew him. Definitely.
Oh, okay. You're really crazy.

That was Gorbachev, okay,
you geographically-challenged,

football-obsessed, doughnut-loving
American. That was Gorbachev.

I got my Eastern bloc leaders
mixed up.

And I didn't blow him

at all. Okay? Take it back.
Okay, okay, okay.

God.

So was it Václav Havel?

All right, you know...
Heh, heh.

Listen to this. I was gonna wait
to tell you this

till later, but I'm so bad
with secrets.

You have a tumor
in your brain? Gonna die?

No, no, no.
Nothing like that. All right?

Well, actually,
it's kind of like that. Um...

My grandmother died.

What? When?
Yeah. My dad texted me before we ate.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
Why didn't you tell me?

Everybody's been expecting it.
She lived a long time,
had a great life.

She was 96.

Hm. Didn't live much longer
after your grandfather died?

Barely a year.

I mean, the funny thing is,
this woman was
a freaking saint. Okay?

She was a nurse in the war.
She took care of all of us.

I mean, she never said
an unkind word
about anybody.

I wish I'd met her.
It's okay.

It's okay. By the end, she just really
wasn't into meeting new people.

I mean, after a lifetime
of being sweet as pie,

once Grandpa died,
she got kind of ornery.

It happens.

She was in mourning, no?

Well, my dad said
she was just waiting to die.

How long were they married?
Seventy-four years.

Fuck. How is that even possible?
Ha-ha-ha.

I know.

How old will we be
if we are together 74 years?

Um, when would we start
counting from?

I guess from the first time we had sex.
Okay. Yeah, good.

Okay.
So, um, 1994.

Okay, '94.

[BOTH MUMBLING]

Fifty-six years from now.
Yeah. We will be 98.

Oh!

[LAUGHS]

Will you be able
to put up with me
for another 56 more years?

I don't know if I'm gonna be able
to put up with you.

It's crazy if you think about
the change they saw.

When they met,
neither of them had electricity.

He used to take her to school
on his horse.

CELINE: So romantic.
I know.

He was valedictorian
and she was salutatorian.

What is that?

Um, he was top of the class.
She was second.

She got a couple answers
wrong to make sure
he didn't feel threatened.

If she wanted to get laid, she better have.
Yeah, like you know who.

All right. Anyway, so I called
my dad after I got the text,
just to tell him I was sorry,

but I think I screwed up.

At some point I told him,
"You're an orphan now."

You know, and he didn't think
that was funny.

No, it's not funny at all.
Yeah, I guess not. Heh, heh.

He's next, then you.
I know.

Well, he told me
that my grandparents
wanna have a joint service.

Right? They wanna have
their ashes intermingled
and be buried as one.

Grandfather didn't have a funeral?

They vowed never to attend
one another's funeral.

Oh, yeah.

I kind of like the idea
of you attending mine.

Heh. What?
No, I know.

What?
I-- You know, imagining you in a suit,

clean-shaven for once,
holding hands with the girls. I like it.

You're gonna outlive me.

Well, we'll see.
Or I guess, one of us will see.

Heh. Well, you think
you wanna go
to the service with me?

To Texas?
Uh, it's not gonna be in Paris.

Okay. How bad
do you want me there?

I'd come, but it's expensive
with the flights.

[BARKING]

JESSE:
Truth is, it'd be simpler to go alone.

Oh, hello.
Yeah, hello, buddy.

And if I'm not there, it'll be easier
for you to fuck your cousins.

Yes, that's true. Ha, ha.
Yeah.

Isn't that common
where you come from?

You didn't answer the question.
What question?

Well, will you be able
to put up with me
for another 56 more years?

I am looking forward to it.

Shit, you're really working it.
Mm-hm.

[IN FOREIGN ACCENT]
The nectar of your sex
ages like a fine wine.

Uh-oh.
My hairy Spanish lover is back.

Greek. I'm Greek now.
Oh, you're Greek now.

Look at this.

Wow. This place reminds me
of a movie I saw when
I was a teenager.

It was a black-and-white film
from the '50s.

I remember a couple walking
through the ruins of Pompeii

looking at bodies
lying there for centuries.

I remember the bodies,
caught in their sleep,

still lovingly holding each other.

I don't know why. Sometimes
I have this image in my mind

when, you know, we're asleep
and you hold me.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Of being
buried alive under molten ash?
That's what you're thinking about?

Ha-ha-ha.
That's not very fun.

Well, I don't know.
It's not horrible.

They had bodies with little kids
sleeping between them.

Oh, that's nice.
Yeah.

I was young and a bit morbid.

You romanticize the idea of dying
with the person you love.

You wanna die with me?
Right?

Maybe. You know, if we were--

You know,
our first night together then,
a long time ago,

but now, no, I'd like to live.

I wanted you to
say something romantic.
You blew it.

Oh, no.

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

I blew it.
Okay, if we're both 98,
you can ask me again.

But anytime sooner...

[MAKES BUZZER NOISE]

Sorry.
Hey.

This is the chapel
I was telling you about
from the Byzantine era.

It's 1000 years old.
Can we go in?

Yeah, I think so.
Okay.

Check this out.

Hello? Yeah.
Wow.

JESSE:
It's a shrine to Saint Odilia,
the patron saint to eyesight.

People come from all over,
leave dedications to the blind

to help restore sight.
Hm.

I'm sure it works.

Hey, these paintings here,

they make me think of those
Japanese monks, you know,
impermanence.

They paint with water
on rock on a hot day.

By the time they're done,
it's evaporated.

CELINE:
Eyes are scratched out.
Is that about the blindness?

No, I thought that too,
but the caretaker guy,

he told me that the Turks did that
during the occupation.

That's it.
I'm never eating Turkish food again.

Heh, heh. Okay, that'll send a shiver
through the international community.

Okay, fine. Then I'll never suck
another Turkish cock.

Heh. Okay, that's
gonna have a global impact.

Oh, that's terrible.

I forgot you're a closet Christian. Is it bad
to make blow-job jokes in church?

Shh. It kind of is, okay?
We've done worse.

The girls asked me again
what our wedding was like.

Yeah? What did you say?

I say it was, uh, very low key.
Yeah.

Very low key.
So low key we don't remember it.

Very Quaker.
Mm-hm.

I don't know why they want us to be
married so badly. It's important to them.

We're in a church. Wanna get married?
No.

It's just all those fairy tales
they like so much, you know?

Heh, heh.
Remember when they were little

and at the end of every cartoon,
they'd be like, "They're getting married,"

even if it was Pinocchio and his dad,
Donald Duck and his nephews.

[LAUGHS]

If we're gonna spend
56 more years together,

Yeah?
what about me would you change?

[CHUCKLES]

What?
One of your can't-win questions.

I'm not answering that.
What do you mean?

There's not one thing
you'd like to change about me?

I'm perfect? Okay.
Okay, actually--

One thing. Uh-huh.
If I could change one thing about you,

it would be for you
to stop trying to change me.

You're a very skilled manipulator.
Mm-hm.

Well, I am on to you.
I know how you work.

You think?
I know everything about you.

Let's go through here.
I don't think you do.

Ha-ha-ha.
No? Okay.

Well, I know you better
than I know anybody else
on the planet.

But maybe that's not saying much.
Right now,

What?
this is great. I feel close to you.

Yeah.
But sometimes

I feel like, uh,
you're breathing helium
and I'm breathing oxygen.

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
What makes you say that? Huh?

See? I'm trying to connect
Heh, I'm being myself.

and you make a joke.
Ha-ha-ha.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Come on.

If we're ever gonna truly know
one another,

we'd probably have to get
to know ourselves better first.

Yeah.

Do you remember
this friend of mine,
George, from New York?

No.

Oh, no, that was before.
What was?

No, no.
Anyway, he was this friend of mine

that when he found out he had
leukemia and was probably gonna die,

the first thing that came
to his mind was relief.

Relief? At what?
Yeah.

Before he found out
he had nine months to live,
he was worried about money.

And now his thought was,
"I have enough money
to live nine months. I've made it."

Oh, okay.
I mean...

He was finally able to enjoy
everything about life,
even being stuck in traffic.

He would just enjoy looking
at people, staring at their faces,
just little things.

And then what happened?

What do you mean?

Well, like, is he still alive?

No, he died a long time ago.

Last night, I had this dream
where I was reading a book.

Okay. It was a lost classic.
The Rovers.

The Roνers?
Yeah. Like roving around, wandering.

All these young people.
Is that a real book?

No, but it was great.
It was fresh, funny, experimental,
had all this energy.

I love that you read in your dreams.
And they're really good.

I have, like,
major action-hero dreams.

Like I'm flying around
like a superhero,
breaking through walls.

And at the end, I have an orgasm.

[LAUGHS]

Well, I'm gonna try to make
your dreams come true, baby.

Yee.

[♪♪♪]

Still there.

Still there.

[♪♪♪]

Still there.

Still there.

Gone.

I need your credit card.

Oh, I think the room is paid for.

Yeah.
Yes, it is, but the credit card is for--

[SPEAKS IN GREEK]

For all possible outcomes.
Incidentals.

Right. Of course.

Mr. Wallace?
Yeah.

I am such a fan of these two books.

My husband gave me your book
on our date

and when your second book came out,
we read it out loud together.

Oh, wow.

Would you please sign them to us?
Of course. Of course.

I love the artwork on these
Greek editions. It's really nice.

What are your names?
Make it to Sophia and Pavlos.

Okay.

How's the Greek translation?

SOPHIA:
Well, it's called:

[BOTH SPEAK IN GREEK]

But I'm not sure it's the correct word.
You never read them in English.

Exactly.

SOPHIA:
That's great.

Could you sign them too?

Me?
Yes, you're the real Madeleine, right?

Madeleine? Not really.

I mean, people assume it's me,
but it's not me at all.

He's got a big imagination.

Would you be so kind?
It would mean so much to my husband.

I can't sign a book I didn't write. It--
She'd be happy to.

Okay.
Great. Thank you.

I'm happy to.

Uh...

[SPEAKS IN GREEK]

Thank you.

Okay.
Great. Thank you so much.

[DOOR OPENING]

JESSE:
Check it out.

CELINE: Wow. This is nice.
Yeah.

Clean, air conditioning.

I love it. Oh, my God.
Isn't it great?

Wow. Oh, wow. A bathtub. My God.

Hey, check this out.

Stefanos and Ariadni got us
a bottle of wine and a couple's massage.

We have to get them a present
before we leave.

We should get something for the kids.
Yeah, I know, for sure.

Wow.

CELINE:
Oh, I miss the girls.

JESSE:
Mm. I don't.

CELINE:
This is such a nice view.

The only view
that I am interested in...

What? What?
is right

here.

Yeah. It's this.

What?

It's funny, I never noticed until today,
but all the red in your beard is gone.

It used to be one of the things
that made me fall for you. It's crazy.

It's not gone. It's just white.

You're not gonna tell me
that your love is dependent
on pigment, are you?

Huh? No?
No, no, but, you know...

I see the red
in our girls' eye lashes.

I look at them and it makes me
think of when we met.

Mm.
Know what I'm looking forward to?

Yeah? What?
After, uh...

After? Ha-ha-ha.
You know... Ha-ha.

What?
Is waking up next to you tomorrow.

You mean, without Nina and Ella
jumping on our heads?

Exactly.

I haven't heard you think
in years now.

Think?
Yeah.

Oh.

I used to wake up to that sound
of your eyes opening and closing.

That brain of yours
going 2 million miles an hour.

I miss it, hearing you think.

When you said you could hear
me think, I thought you could.

But it's just my eyelids.
How dumb and romantic of me.

JESSE:
Mm. It was my favorite thing.

Mm. I miss thinking too.

No more thinking in the morning,
no more morning sex.

Tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to it so much,
I don't think I will sleep.

I'm looking forward to right now.

Okay.

Okay, let's stop talking
so we can fuck,

sleep, wake up, think,
and fuck again.

[BOTH MOANING]

[CELL PHONE CHIMING]

Don't answer it.
Ha, ha. No.

Oh, shit, who is it? No.

Who cares?
Okay.

[CELL PHONE CONTINUES CHIMING]

I said to call in case of emergency only.
I hope the girls are okay.

Okay.

Oh, it's Henry. Okay.

Hey, sweetie, are you okay?

Are you in London?

Oh.

Oh, already? Okay.

Oh, no, no, we found it.

We'll mail it tomorrow.
Don't worry. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, they miss you too.
I'll kiss them for you.

Yeah.

Okay, I'll tell him.

Good luck with your mom.

Yeah. I love you too. Bye.

Okay.

Okay.

He's fine. He says he'll call you
from Chicago when he lands.

Why can't I talk to him?
Twice you've done that.

You could have just
handed me the phone.

He didn't have time.
They were boarding.

What did he forget?

His science project.
But we'll mail it tomorrow. It'll be fine.

Shouldn't have said that
about his mom.

What? What did I say?
"Good luck with your mom."

Heh. Come on.
I didn't mean anything by it.

I know, but it's not good.
It reminds him. And I wish
you wouldn't do that.

That's so American to just
swipe it under the carpet
and act as if it didn't happen.

Why put it into his head?

What if he doesn't wanna be
thinking about that right now?

It means nothing.
It means something. It does.

I made a joke the other day

that his mom and I should settle it
in one big mud wrestling contest.

Mud wrestling? You said that?
And he laughed.

He might have more
of a sense of humor
than you do. Come on.

You say bad things about his mom,
he hears bad things about himself.

I didn't say anything bad
about his mom. I made a joke.
It's on me as it is on her.

I know, I know. It's just,
why conjure it up at all, you know?

I think he's old enough now.

I mean, he knows how bad it is
between his mother and I.

His mom and me.
And I didn't do anything. It's all from her.

Okay, she hates me. Yes,
I fucked her husband a long time ago.

Or should I say he fucked me?

Heh. Yeah, right.
Okay.

Making a joke that his mom and I
don't love each other is not the issue.

That's not gonna traumatize him.
That already happened.

And now you're trying
to transfer your guilt and blame me.

No, I'm not.

On the contrary, if he can joke about it,
maybe he'll be able to live with it better.

Okay, you're right, as always.
Let's just not talk about it, okay?

Mm-hm. Right.
It's nobody's fault if his mom
is a drunk and abusive psychologically.

Don't say that.

It makes me sick
that he has to be with her.

But judges assume
that women have the mother instinct.

She has the mother instinct of Medea.

Medea, huh?

Yeah. After all, it is a Greek myth.

Actually a play by Euripides, but--

A woman killing her kids
to punish her ex-husband.

That's what she's doing.
Hurting him to get to you.

No, she's making my life hell
through him, that's what she's doing.

And sometimes you say things
that just go too far.

Stop blaming me
for everything wrong with your wife.

Ex-wife, ex-wife. For a long time.
Okay.

Should have dealt with it.
She wouldn't have hated us.

Okay, okay, I screwed up.

I just love this little re-write
you do

that everything that isn't perfect
in our life gets laid at my feet.

And now you're putting this shit
on me about Henry.

What shit?
What are you talking about?

Let me tell you what
I'm talking about. The moving
to Chicago, giving up my life.

[SIGHS]

You mentioned that Henry needs you.
How do you think that makes me feel?

I'm miserable. All right?

How can I take that job now?
Okay.

Tell me. I'll feel too guilty. No, no, no.
Come here.

That's a choice you're making,
to look at it like that. All right?

It is in the nature of women
to be the nurturer.

The what?
The nurturer.

The nurturer?
Okay, I can't even say that fucking word.

I just naturally feel bad
about everything. And you
give that look, like it's my fault.

What look?
The I-forgot-the-science-project look.

I know you blame me.
I didn't say anything.

No, you didn't say anything.
You didn't have to. It's always my fault.

Yeah, right.

CELINE:
I read on the fridge at work--

You know those magnet words
that people make sentences with?

JESSE:
Mm-hm.

Someone had put together,
"Women explore for eternity

in the vast garden of sacrifice."

[LAUGHS]

Wow. That's a sure sign from God.
Yeah.

That line is so damn true, and it's been
for 10,000 years, but that's enough.

I don't wanna be one of these women.

Like marriage is important to gays,
or contraception to women rights.

It's the same with giving up my hopes,
with women that had to give up hopes.

I'm not gonna do it. This is bigger
than me. This means more than me.

Wow. Bravo.
The Nobel Committee is taking note.

I'm just-- Hold on a second.
I'm gonna alert Sweden.

It must be a full-time job carrying
that much feminine oppression.

It is.
You suffered so much

growing up in middle-class Paris.

The agony in the trenches of
the Sorbonne in the post-feminist era.

I can't imagine.
You're an asshole.

You know what, sweetie,
when are we moving to Chicago?

I wanna make sure
we are able to find a nice house

and I can sew the drapes
and pick matching bed covers.

This is how you now want
to be spending this evening?

This is what you wanna do?
You started it.

No, you are the one
who will not shut up about it.

But if you wanna talk about it,
really talk about it,

I would prefer to have
an unemotional, rational
conversation.

Do you think we could do that?

Here we go, unemotional, rational.

You always play the part
of the one and only rational one.

And I'm the irrational, hysterical,
hormone-crazy one

because I have emotions.

You sit back and speak
from your big perspective,

which means
everything you say is true.

I don't always do anything.

The world is fucked by unemotional,
rational men deciding shit.

Politicians going to war, corporate heads
deciding to wreck the environment.

Cheney, Rumsfeld, very rational men.

Cheney and Rumsfeld,
yeah, okay.

The Final Solution,
very rational thinking behind that.

Okay. So we're there now?

Us versus the Final Solution?
Okay. Let's do it. All right.

Let me ask you this, all right?

Do you think Henry's life
would be helped

by a more consistent presence
by you and me? Huh?

Here we go.
No.

You won't drop it, so let's talk.
Let me just ask you one question.

Think Hank's life
would be better served

by consistent presence
from you and me?

Yes, it'd be better if he lived with us.
Okay.

I think his mom
is a fucking alcoholic, hateful cunt

that used the time we were in Paris
and I was giving birth

to legally move Henry out of
New York. Fuck her.

Okay. I agree with you.
Mm-hm.

Okay. Unfortunately,
we cannot go get him out of America,

but we could, if we wanted to,
go to him.

Now, I know it would be
a big move.

But what do you think?
Is there any way that you
could be happy in the U.S.?

Is that just out of the realm
of possibility? That you could
find a comparable job?

Comparable job?
Yeah.

Are you kidding?
No.

Why am I the one that have
to make the compromises?

Don't be so dramatic. Okay?
It should be--

Moving to Chicago
is pretty fucking dramatic for me.

I'm not saying we should move.
I just wanna talk about it.

Can you be my friend
for two seconds so we can talk?

Two seconds.
All right.

Remember that time you were late
to pick the girls up

and you were so stressed out
because they were wondering
what happened?

Okay, that is the way
that I feel all the time.

Like I fucked up.
I mean, I left him behind
and I just wanna go get him.

You always get like this
when you drop him off.

You're sad, so you start a fight.

He's fine.

He's a great kid, okay?

Truth is, he doesn't need you
the way he used to.

You missed the opportunity
to be with him every day
of his childhood. You did.

And you can cry about it,
but he's growing up.

You're a great father in other ways.
You got divorced

like millions of other people.
Was it ideal? No. But--

Listen, if in one month
you still want me to quit my job

and give up everything
I've been working towards,
just ask,

but right now
I feel the same way I always have.

I would move to the U.S. if that ex-wife
of yours would give us joint custody.

But every other weekend
amounts to shit.

That's less than
30 days a semester.

I don't think it's worth it for us to change
our entire lives over that kind of time.

I know. You're right. Mm-hm.
Right? Right?

See, I'm being the rational one.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, it's just such a shitty position,
you know?

Hank didn't do anything,
but he's the one getting
kicked in the teeth.

We all get dragged
through our parents' lives.

Your marriage would have ended
over something else.

Absolutely.
Or worse, he would've been raised

by two miserable parents.
Right.

I just really fucked that up.

You mean, you fucked up by moving
to Paris to be with me?

No. That's not what I meant. Stop.
I knew that was gonna cost too much.

I told you not to do it, okay?
Stop it.

Okay, I moved to New York with you
for two years and gave up everything.

I needed to be home
to give birth to the twins

and I wanted to be with my mother.
You wanted it too.

Yes.
That's the one thing I asked from you.

The one thing, and now you're gonna
blame me forever?

Stop it, will you? Stop it.

If you don't wanna move back
to the States, we won't. End of story.

I am just trying to find a way

where I could be a more consistent
presence in his life.

And ideally, I'd like to do that
as a family.

"As a family"? Or what?

What the fuck does that mean?

[SCOFFS]

I feel a passive-aggressive threat
in everything you say.

Either do this or I will resent you
for the rest of our lives.

You know?

Am I right?

[WATER RUNNING]

You know what?
You know what?
I'm sensing something.

I think the problem is,
is that you don't want me
to have a more substantial job.

On some level, you feel threatened
by my achieving anything

that could diminish your status
in our relationship.

My status
in our relationship?

I teach two courses a semester
at the fucking American School.

Okay. Wow, that's really some status.

I don't think it's coincidence
you feel that

at the same time
I have a truly exciting job opportunity.

This whole train of thought
is complete horseshit and you know it.

I have a question for you.

If we didn't have the girls
and all our crap,
would we even still be together?

What?

You are the fucking mayor
of crazy town, do you know that?

You know what I think? You need
to move to Chicago. Henry needs you.

I stay in Paris with the girls
and take this job.

Why are you doing this?
Huh?

That is a ridiculous idea.

I'm gonna lose you and the girls?
No. Why do you make everything
so difficult?

You're unhappy. You're blaming me
for taking you away from your son.

That is a completely irrational
response

to something I'm just trying
to feel my way through.

Listen, Jesse, we've just
spent the last six weeks here,

and it's been great.

You've been able to write every day
and the weather's been nice.

But I didn't wanna come to Greece.
I know.

All right? There could be
a revolution any second.

Oh, God.
People eat a lot of feta and olive oil

and they act all happy,
but they actually talk about
how angry they are

and it confuses me.
I don't know what's
gonna happen.

Oh-oh-oh. Let me
tell you what's gonna happen.

The same thing
that always happens.

Nothing.

All right. Know what? I have had
absolutely zero time for myself.

I have 10,000 e-mails I have to
answer that I didn't answer.

You think I don't?

I spend all day making dinner
and wiping you and your son's pee

while you talk to fellow novelists.

Blah, blah, blah, you're a genius.
Oh, blah, blah, blah,
no, you're a genius.

Mm-hm.
The second we say goodbye to Henry,

you suggest I give up
my dream job.

Oh, okay, now it's your dream job?

This afternoon
you weren't even sure you wanted it.

Do you ever listen to yourself?

It is my dream job. Just because I have
doubts doesn't mean I don't want it.

Okay.
But why do you care?

You go on your two-hour
contemplative walk under
the olive trees.

Socrates. You should get a robe.

Uh-huh. It's an hour.

By the time you leave
and by the time you're with us,
two hours.

I could never do that.

You're good at taking care
of yourself. I take care of myself
and everything else.

We go, you pack your bag.
I pack everything else.

You would never let me pack
the girls' shit. Never.

There would be no shoes
and dirty underwear.

Yeah, right, so says you.

No, I'm happy you have time
to contemplate the universe

because I don't.
I barely have time to think.

I work, I babysit,
I work, I babysit.

Could you hold on a second?
I just have to tune up
the string section.

You know what? Only time
I get to think now is when
I take a shit at the office.

I'm starting to associate thoughts
with the smell of shit.

Ha, ha. Well, that is a good line.
I'm gonna use that in a book someday.

Yeah, I'm sure and that'll be
the best line in the book.

And by the way,
you may never,

ever use me
or anything I say or do

in one of your fucking books again.
That goes for the girls too.

A, you shouldn't have
hooked up with a writer.

B, you weren't in the last book
or the one now.

C, I'm gonna write about
whatever the fuck I want.

As always,
our life works for you.

No, no, no. Don't give me
this put-upon housewife
bullshit. Okay?

This is not the '50s.

Sorry to ruin your perfect
little narrative of oppression
with the truth,

but I am the one who's at home
dealing with the bullshit.

You're at work until 6:30.
Six o'clock.

You take the girls to school,
I pick them up. That's fair.
That's our deal.

We live in Paris, France, for chrissakes.
And you remind me of it every day.

I have orbited my entire life
around you and you know it.
Okay?

Sorry if this summer's vacation--
And it is a vacation.

I've seen you frolic in the sea
and shove salad down your throat.

But it is not indicative of you
spending your life
in domestic servitude.

You know what I love about men?
They still believe in magic.

Little fairies around
who pick up their socks,

little fairies unload the dishwasher,
little fairies sunscreen the kids.

Little fairies who make
the Greek salad that you eat
like a pig.

Okay, listen to me. All right?

You are great at taking care of us.
You are.

I mean, you take care of the kids,
you take care of your friends,

you take care of the world.
You were like that before
you were a mom

and now it's only magnified.

But, and I've been telling you this
for years now,

you gotta do a little better job
taking care of yourself.

Okay, stop patronizing me.
All right?

I'm the one at home every day at 6,
not 6:30. I'm reliable.

Have you ever booked a babysitter,
ever, in your entire life? No.

What is the name of their pediatrician?
Stop quizzing me. It's fucking boring.

Yeah, okay.
You know what? I'm at home
every night and I make dinner,

give baths and read stories.
Sometimes you're there,

sometimes you're at a university event
or a publicity tour. Okay?

When you get inspired,
you keep on writing.

I get inspired too sometimes,
you know that?

You wanna write? Write.
No, but you remember

I used to sing and play guitar
and write songs?

I'd still like to do it,
but I don't get to. There isn't time.

Okay. Well, first off,
my writing isn't a hobby. All right?

Secondly,
I wish you would find the time.

You somehow find time to complain
about eight hours a day.

I mean,
I love the way you sing. Okay?

I fucked up my whole life
because of the way you sing. All right?

If you took one-eighth
of the energy that you spend

on bitching, whining and worrying--

If you put that energy into playing scales,
you'd be like fucking Django Reinhardt.

Okay. All right.

You forgot your shoes.

Oh, God.

Hey.

[SIGHS]

You think you're winning?

Few people realize

what it's like for an active
or passionate woman
to have a child.

Friends told me, "You'll wanna
throw them out the window."

But I never wanted to hurt
them once, but I thought about
ending it for myself.

I was so confused and you were
always away on a stupid book tour

or because of Henry's custody shit,
and I didn't wanna be a burden.

I know why Sylvia Plath
put her head in a toaster.

It was an oven.
Don't play with words.

You know what I mean.
Toaster, oven, same thing.

You know how many times
I was alone crying with no clue
what to do?

Know the guilt a mother feels
when she doesn't know what to do?

Do you think you have
sole ownership of that feeling?

I don't think you understand.
Okay?

You know what my secret fear is?
With every man?

Is that they all wanna turn me
into a submissive housewife.

Okay. No one could ever do that.
All right?

I promise. It would be easier
to fit your head into a toaster

than to turn you
into anything submissive.

I don't think I've recovered
since giving birth.

When they were born,
I had no idea what to do.

People expect women
to have this instinct that kicks in

like a female baboon.

But I had no idea how to do anything.

I loved them so much
and I was doing everything wrong.

And you were away so often,
calling me and asking me
how my day went,

and I couldn't even say it to you
because I felt so ashamed

to be so clueless.

I think you did great.
No, I didn't.

No, you did. Well, you did
a good job faking it, then.

I just-- I remember the only way
I could get them to sleep

was to drag that stupid
double stroller down the stairs

and walk them for hours
in the middle of the night,

all the way to Pigalle and back.
I almost got mugged once.

The only reason why
the guy didn't attack me
is that I looked so pathetic.

The only upside of being
over 35 is that you don't
get raped as much.

Ha-ha-ha.
I read it. It's true.

Oh, Jesus.

Once, I remember,
I was watching the twins
on a trampoline, you know,

and they looked so beautiful,

and I was happy
because they were happy.

You know,
one of them had this Hula-Hoop

that she was using as a jump rope,
you know,

but then the other one wanted it
so they started fighting over it,
you know?

And all of a sudden,
I just saw it all.

You know, all this petty jealously
and selfishness, you know?

And I remember thinking,
"Okay, this, heh,
is the natural human state."

You know, just always
a little dissatisfied,
perpetually discontented, you know?

I mean, heh, look at us.

Here we are, we are in, you know,
the Garden of Eden

and we can't stop fighting.

I don't think there's
one natural human state.

The human state is multiple.

If that's what you see when
you're watching the girls play,

that means you're depressed.

Okay. Maybe I am.

No, but when I see them fight,
I see beautiful energy
of going forward,

not letting anyone step on them
or take away what they want.

I like it when they fight.
It gives me hope for them.

You see anger
as a positive emotion.

You know,
you only end up hurting yourself,
your work, the kids, me.

And you never get angry?

When I do,
I don't see it as a positive.

You know something?

[SIGHS]

The way you write, people
come up to me and think

I make love to some wildcat
Henry Miller type. Ha!

You like to have sex
the exact same way every time.

Mm. When you got it, you got it.

Kissy, kissy. Tittie, tittie.
Pussy.

[SNORES]

I'm a man of simple pleasures.

Yeah, very simple,

and I've been meaning
to tell you that lately. Tsk.

You're no Henry Miller,
on any level.

And you know what? Heh.
This room gives me the creeps.

I was expecting something quaint,
like the real Greece.

Place is real.
What are we doing here?

This is too planned,
like we're supposed to
have this great evening.

No room for spontaneity.
It is all gone from our lives.

This is stupid and it's not working.
Obviously.

And I curse Ariadni and that perv
Stefanos for doing this.

Okay. A couple's massage?

What the fuck is that?
That sounds sleazy to me.

We don't have to do it!
Okay?

Come on,
this place isn't so bad.

I like hotel rooms.

I think they're sexy.

Yeah, I know you do...

Mr. Book-Tour.

Mr. Radisson-Hilton.

And I know that time when you were
doing that reading in Washington,

when your cell phone supposedly
broke that night. How convenient.

Swear on our kids you didn't fuck
that lady from the bookstore. Emily.

Swear to me
you didn't fuck that Emily girl.

And I'm not jealous
because I'm not the type.

But I just wanna know. Okay?
Be a man and admit the truth.

I am giving you my whole life,
okay?

I got nothing larger to give.

I'm not giving it to anybody else.

If you're looking for permission
to disqualify me,

I'm not gonna give it to you.

Okay? I love you,

and I am not in conflict
about it. Okay?

But if what you want
is a laundry list

of things about you that
piss me off, I could give it to you.

Yeah. I want to hear.
Okay. Well, uh,

let's start at number one, okay?
Number one, you're fucking nuts.

All right? You are.
Good luck finding somebody

to put up with your shit for
more than, like, six months. Okay?

But I accept the whole package,
the crazy and the brilliant, all right?

You're not gonna change,
I don't want you to.
It's accepting you for being you.

I asked a question. If, while I
was carrying that double stroller
down the stairs

and getting ass-raped
in Pigalle, you fucked
that little Emily Brontë girl?

I don't know what Emily.
What are you talking about?

The one that wrote the e-mails
about Dostoevsky?

"Oh, Jesse, you're so right.

The Grand Commander
is the deepest passage
of all of Russian literature."

If you're asking me

if I'm committed to you, the girls
and the life we built together,

the answer is a resounding yes.

So you did fuck her.
Thank you very much.

Do I ask about the time
you went to your old boyfriend
after his mother died? No.

Why? Because I know
the way that your fucking
French ass works

and I guarantee that
you at least blew that guy,
but I also know you love me.

All right? I'm okay with you
being a complicated human being.

I don't wanna live
a boring life where two
people own each other,

where two people
are institutionalized
in a box that others created

because that is a bunch

of stifling bullshit!

Oh, God. Well...

[SIGHS]

You know what's
going on here? It's simple.

I don't think
I love you anymore.

[SIGHING]

[♪♪♪]

Miss?
I don't wanna talk right now.

Here by yourself
or waiting for somebody?

I'm by myself
and happy to be.

I'm an angry person
and I hurt my kids,
my work and everyone I love.

Well, just my type.

Okay. I'm not in the mood.
I came here to be alone.

I've just been checking you out,
and I don't wanna make
you uncomfortable,

but you are, by far,
the best-looking woman
in this place.

Thank you.
I'd love to buy you a drink,

maybe talk to you,
get to know you a bit.

Are you here on business?

Okay. I see.
You have a boyfriend?

Not anymore.

Jeez, sorry to hear that.
God, you wanna talk about it?

I don't talk to strangers.

That's the thing,
I'm not a stranger.

No, no, no, we've met before.
Oh.

Summer '94.

You're mistaking me for someone else.
No.

We even fell in love.
Really?

Mm-hm.

Hm. I vaguely remember
someone sweet and romantic

who made me feel like I wasn't alone.
Someone who had respect for who I was.

That's me. I'm that guy.

I don't think so.
Oh.

See, I know something about
tonight that you don't know.

Really? What is that?

Something important.

You see, I know because
I've actually already
lived through this night.

How?
I'm a time traveler.

Okay.

No, I have a time machine
in my room. I've come to save you,
like I said I would.

Save me from what?
From being blinded by the bullshit of life.

It's not bullshit.

I assure you,
that guy you vaguely remember,

the sweet romantic one
that you met on a train?

That is me.

That's you?
Yeah.

Guess I didn't recognize you.
Hm.

You look like shit.

[CHUCKLES]

What can I say? I mean,
it's tough out there in time and space.

You, on the other hand,

are even more beautiful
than I remember.

Bullshit.

Jesse, this is not a game.

You get all cute,
you get in my panties. And next
thing I know, I'm in Chicago.

Not gonna make it better
by some pick-up line.

I'm not trying to pick you up.
No, you misunderstand me.

No, no, no.
I'm only here as a messenger.

I've just traveled all the way
from the future.

I was just with
your 82-year-old self

who gave me a letter
to read to you.

So here I am.

I'm still alive in my 80's?

Oh, yeah.
Mm-hm.

How's my French ass?
Nice.

Okay.
Really nice.

I don't care about the way I look.
There's more of you to love.

Great.
You want me to read it to you?

Do I have a choice?
Sure. If you're not interested--

No, no, no.

Read it.
Okay. All right. Well, here it is.

"Dear Celine, I am writing to you
from the other side of the woods.

This letter is lighting a candle that will--"
Okay, stop it.

I would never write this.
"Other side of the woods." What woods?

May I please continue?
Okay.

"I am sending you this young man.

Yes, young.

And he will be your escort.

God knows he has many problems
and has struggled his whole life

connecting and being present,
even with those he loves the most.

And for that he is deeply sorry.

But you are his only hope.

Celine, my advice to you is this.

You're entering the best years
of your life.

Looking back from where I sit now,

these middle years
are only a little bit more difficult

than when you were 12

and Mathieu and Vanessa
danced all night

to the Bee Gees'
'How Deep Is Your Love."'

I don't know about that. Anyway.

"Celine, you will be fine.

Your girls will grow up to become
examples and icons of feminism."

Nice one.
Yeah.

I just noticed there's a postscript
at the bottom. Looks important.

Maybe I should skip over
some of this.

Yeah, skip away. Please.
Okay.

You sure? Yeah, okay.
Yeah.

All right.
Boring stuff.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's like,
blah, blah, blah, financial tips,

horoscope stuff. Okay, here it is.

"P.S. By the way, the best--" Oh.

"By the way, the best sex of my life
happened one night

in the southern Peloponnese.

Don't miss it.

My whole sexual being went
to a new, ground-breaking level."

Ground-breaking. Great.
I don't know what that means.

Okay, Jesse, can you
stop this stupid game?

We're not in one of
your stories. Okay?

Did you hear what I said
to you back in the room?
Did you hear me?

Yes, I heard you.

What, that
you don't love me anymore?

I figured you didn't mean it,
but if you did, then, uh...

Oh, fuck it. Know something?
You're just like the little girls
and everybody else.

You wanna live inside
some fairy tale.

I'm just trying to
make things better.

I tell you I love you,
I tell you you're beautiful,

I tell you that your ass looks great
when you're 80.

Huh?

I'm trying to make you laugh.
Okay.

All right, I put up
with plenty of your shit.

And if you think I'm just
some dog who's gonna keep
coming back, you're wrong.

But if you want true love,
then this is it.

This is real life.
It's not perfect, but it's real.

And if you can't see it,
then you're blind,
all right, and I give up.

[SIGHING]

Oh, God.

[SIGHS]

So, what about
this time machine?

What do you mean?

How does it work?

Well, it's complicated.

Am I gonna have to
get naked to operate it?

I mean...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's actually--
It's been a real issue, you know?

I mean, I-- Clothes, they don't
travel well through the whole
space-time continuum.

It's...

[IN BREATHY VOICE]
Wow. You're so smart.

Ha, ha. Oh, jeez.

Space-time...?
Continuum.

Continuum.
Yeah. Really.

There's something
that I've been thinking about,
about your letter.

Yeah?
You know, you, uh--

You mentioned the southern
Peloponnese?

Yeah, yeah, and we're
in the southern Peloponnese.

Mm-hm.

Yeah, and do you think
it could be tonight

that you're still talking about
in your 80's?

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Well...

it must have been one hell
of a night we're about to have.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]