All language subtitles for Adult Best Friends 2024

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Why are you in here?

Maddie said the seventh grade
boys are sneaking over

for a kissing party.

-I know. I'm so nervous.
-Then don't do it.

I'm calling my mom
to pick me up.

You can't! Maddie said
we all have to kiss them.

I don't wanna kiss.

Or wear thong underpants.
I hate thong underpants.

But I'm worried if
I wear normal underpants

and don't kiss and stuff,

then Maddie won't invite me
to sleepovers anymore.

Well,
you could sleep over at mine.

Tonight?

Yeah. I mean, we're not allowed
to watch TV, which sucks,

but we could do braids.

-And I have a trundle bed.
-I love trundle beds!

Do you have a best friend?

No. You?

No.

Hello, today...

- we're doing Katie's hair.
- Yeah!

Yeah.
So, that's Delaney's future.

You are going to be a doctor.

I don't wanna be a doctor!

This is Katie's future.

You are getting married
to Daniel.

Daniel is so annoying.

Okay. Read another
post. Give me a hard one.

Uh, okay.
"From Seattle to Savannah.

What a long, strange trip
it's been. #VanLife."

- Tom Breyer?
- How did you know that?

'Cause Tom Breyer
needs to get a job.

-Another one. Get a good one.
-Let me find a good one. Okay.

Uh...

- Okay. This one's hard.
- Okay.

"Here's to adulting forever
with this one.

He put a ring on it!"
Singular exclamation.

-Sarah Casper.
-You're cheating.

I'm not cheating. I'm that good.

-She's engaged?
-Yeah.

She's a child.

She is 32 years old.

Sarah Casper would throw it all
away for, like, some random guy.

I don't think he's random.

They've been dating
since college.

Do you have any snacks?

-Did you not eat dinner?
-I had peanut butter.

-And what?
-A spoon?

Oh, my God.
Let me make you something.

I'll just have saltines
when I get home.

Oh, my God, no.
I'll make you, um--

I'll make you a turkey burger.

-I can put poblanos on top.
-What's poblanos?

Oh, it's a giant Mexican pepper.

It's actually
our favorite pepper.

Second only to the jalapeño.
You'll love it, I promise.

- It's really good.
- Mm-hmm.

Mmm, I'm fine, thank you.

Well, if you're not hungry,

maybe you want a joke
that I heard today?

It made me think of you
instantly.

Okay. This is very good.

Okay, so there-- there are
two pigs in a pit of mud,

and-- and the wife pig, uh,
turns to the husband and says...

No, no, the husband
says to the wife.

You're right. You're right.

Um, the-- the husband pig
says to the wife, "Hey,

-did you see Farmer Jane--"
-Should we get going?

Party started
nine o'clock, so...

Oh,
you wanna go to that?

Yeah.

Really?
My throat feels kind of weird.

I-- I feel like...

I don't know if I got
everyone sick, but I--

-You don't feel warm. Feel good.
-No? Oh, you feel cold.

-Okay.
-Do you not wanna go?

Is it crazy to stay here?

I mean, we have food here,
blankets here.

I'm comfortable,
you're comfortable.

-We can watch a movie.
-Yeah, but hey,

if Katie doesn't
wanna go out, Delaney,

I'd love to go out with you.

Please don't make me go alone.

I'm nervous
and I'll get too fucked up.

No, you will not.

Like, she doesn't
even come out anymore,

because she's always
with her boyfriend, "John."

I don't know why I did that.
His name is John.

John.

John,
you think she's okay, right?

Mm-hmm.

No, I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go meet her.

I don't like him.
Is that wrong to say? You know?

Like, if you don't like
your best friend's boyfriend.

It's the way he makes her,
if that makes sense.

Occupied!

Oh, you know what, though? My--

my contacts are already out.

And that's, like, a whole thing.

Only a year,
and she moves in with him.

Kind of fast, if you ask me.

But nobody asked me.

I'm gonna go meet her
for a little.

Okay?

John?

Yes, he's hot.
I get it. I see it.

But he's boring.

Occupied!

- I think she's fine.
- Mmm.

Yeah.

I'll come have sex.

How do you
have the patience?

Well,
we actually had an agreement

that if I set up his Wi-Fi,

he promised to wear boxers
under his shorts

-during our PT sessions.
-Oh, well.

-That could be worth it.
-It's a give and a take,

- but, yeah.
- Yeah.

-This looks nice, right?
-Yeah, I like it.

-In the shade. It's good.
-Okay, perfect.

Ah-- Oh.

Don't suppose I could get you

to call her back, maybe?

She gets so anxious
when she's hungover.

Yeah, no, she does.
I just, um--

-I just wanted to ask--
-How was it?

No,
my Uber's now 27 minutes away!

Where are you?

I answered a 2:00 a.m. text
from this guy.

And the drunker he got,
the more he talked about Julia.

Yeah, not an ex.
It's his female friend

that he's clearly in love with.

Did you hook up?

Yes. He asked me to role-play.

Oh, wow. Like, be a cheerleader
or something? That's--

Oh, I wish. More like we're
best friends and I suddenly

-see him in a new light.
-Oh, my God.

I'm gonna order a pizza to
my apartment. What do you want?

Ah, that sounds good. No, John
and I are doing a-- a picnic.

Do you wanna come?

You know what? No.
I'll-- I'll just try you later.

Okay. Bye.

All right. Bye.

Well, she's fine,
but she met a new guy, and--

-Oh, my God!
-It's okay!

-No, no, no--
-It's okay. It's okay.

As long as I have
your undivided attention now.

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

When I first moved here, it took
me a while to get adjusted.

Yeah, you were mugged, like,
three times that first week.

Right, well, I thought everyone
needed directions. But then...

then I met you.

And you actually
needed directions.

And I'm so, so glad

that I walked you
into that coffee shop,

because you have made
my life so much better

than I ever thought
that I deserved.

Will you marry me?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah? Yeah.

I hate the art
Katie left here.

- It's so gross.
- It's sentimental.

Okay, well, I live here
now, and I like actual art.

Let me just ask Katie
if she wants it

before we throw it away.

Where is Katie? I feel like
she's usually here by now, like,

complaining about some
ugly house she can't sell.

She's doing a picnic with John.

Like, eating on the ground?

Yeah. I feel so bad for her.

You know, it's like
she misses the party last night,

and now she has to waste
her entire Sunday

doing a picnic with her
boyfriend?

-Ugh.
-Can I say something?

I really don't buy John's whole
"I'm such a nice guy" thing.

Like, you're a pervert.

You literally touch
old ladies all day.

That's his job. He's a physical
therapist for old people.

Katie would fall for a pervert.

I mean, she's clueless.
Remember that time she got you,

like, a briefcase filled with
old papers for your birthday?

Those were
my great-grandparents'

-birth certificates.
-Why would you want that?

She likes thoughtful surprises.

She's exactly like my sister.

She's nothing like your sister.

Mary had one kid,
and now she won't shut up

-about her pelvic floor.
-Yeah, Mary's the worst.

And her baby isn't even cute.

I can't imagine
having a baby right now.

It's actually disgusting
to have a baby.

-Or getting married?
-Kill me.

But we're pretty far from that.

"We," like, you and me.

No, me and Katie.

Delaney, what?

You and Katie are on
totally different paths.

I mean,
Katie lives with her boyfriend.

They're very serious.
And you literally still, like,

fuck the first guy who
shares a cigarette with you.

- Ahh!
- Wow!

-We love you so much.
-We love you. Thank you.

Oh, thank you.
We love you so much.

We cannot wait to celebrate
with you guys.

We're so excited.

Bye.

I love your family. I love them.

Did you see
your sister was crying?

Yeah! No, it's funny.
She's known for months.

How did I not find this ring?

Oh, the ring was
in a box, in a bin,

in an air vent in my office.

-You were never finding it.
-Wow. And how about Delaney

playing it so cool?

Yeah, no, I didn't tell Delaney.

What?

Oh, well, I figured
you wanted to tell her, right?

-Yeah!
-Yeah.

So Delaney has no idea.

No, but we can call her
right now, maybe.

Uh, yeah! Um, let's call her
later, though, 'cause I think

-she's probably asleep.
-No, it's fine.

We'll just call her
from my phone.

It'll be a big surprise,
I promise.

Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hello?

You can just leave
the pizza at the door,

and I'll grab it. Thank you.

Does she not have
my number saved?

No, she does. I think she does.

I thought you'd be
pretty excited to tell her.

I am.

I-- I really am.
I just-- I just wanna...

tell her later.

Right.

I know, um,
I'm not her favorite person.

That is not true, John.
She loves you.

It's just that she has
a hard time with change.

You know, when she was younger,

her parents sold
the family minivan,

and she asked if she could
go visit it at its new house.

Okay. Yeah, that's--
really sweet of her

to wanna check in on it.

And then remember when
I told her I was moving out?

She didn't talk to me
for, like, two weeks.

- Mm-hmm.
- And whenever I passed her door,

she'd be muttering
"Benedict Arnold."

Right, but-- but this,
this is a good change.

I know, and I'm so excited,
and I love you so much,

and I-- and I cannot wait
to get married.

But I-- I just wanna make sure
I tell her in the--

just in the right way for her.

Okay?

So let's
parking lot the holiday
campaign

and dig into the
meat and taters

of our Spring Into
Content campaign.

So this campaign is--
it's gonna be a big lift.

So we really need
to stop the scroll.

We need some big ideas.
We need some blue-sky ideas.

And, like, we just, like,
really need everybody on this.

But I was kind of thinking,
Delaney,

maybe you could
run point for us.

Hmm, I don't--
I don't really have

the bandwidth
for that right now.

Copy that. Luca,
it's all yours.

Uh-- Okay. Uh, wow.

Yeah, that's-- that is just--
that's amazing.

I do just wanna flag
that I'm working overtime

on two major campaigns
right now

since Delaney didn't have
the bandwidth last month.

So it's just kind of all
fallen on my shoulders.

So that's-- that's
totally fine.
I just do just wanna flag that.

No, and thank you
for flagging that.

Delaney, do you think
you could maybe, like,

carve out some time
to kind of tag-team it?

Yeah, I-- I gotta flag that I'm
spread pretty thin over here.

What are you working on,
Delaney?

-Putting out fires.
-What kind of fires?

Big ones with employees
that you don't know.

Right, and is that why
your camera's always off?

Mmm, no, my camera's off, Luca,
because it's allowed to be off.

Okay, guys,
I think we should finish up

with a round
of peaks and valleys.

So my valley was missing
last week's happy hour.

Never has someone
been so missed.

But my peak is that
it's on the books
for next week.

Popcorn to Delaney.

I guess my valley was
editing Luca's Q4 pitch,

and then my peak
was it's done now.

Popcorn to Alex.

You know...

my valley was that
Ryan and I hit a speed bump.

-Wow.
-So he-- he wants to open up

the relationship, and I just,
I don't think that I have

the sexual confidence
to withstand it.

So we're taking some time apart
to kind of ideate
on next steps.

But, Alex, are you okay?
How are you feeling?

You know, like,
I was upset, obviously.

-Of course.
-I was really upset for a beat.

But then I had a one-on-one
with my best friend.

You know, we went out, we got
some drinks, we blew off steam,

just like old times,
just the two of us,

and that, like,
really, really helped.

Best friends just get it.

Oh, we're so aligned
on that, Luca.

So what was Dad's reaction?

We FaceTimed him quickly.

Yeah,
he was really happy for us.

-Yeah.
-Aww.

Yeah.

I mean, not that happy.

-Oh.
-Come on.

He was really excited,
it seemed.

Yeah, or you knew
to call him after 5:00.

Speaking of alcoholics,
how did Delaney take the news?

Um, she was happy. Fine. Good.

Delaney doesn't know yet.

Katie wanted to tell her
in her own way

before we told anybody else.

That is so classic. I--

Do you know that Delaney knew

that our parents were
getting divorced before I did?

- Is-- is that true?
- Yeah.

I mean, uh,
she's my best friend, so...

I think you'd get it if--
if you had a best friend.

Well, my wife is
my best friend, so.

Daria, who's your best friend?

No, I-- I'd rather not say.

We're each other's best friends.

-Each other's best--
-Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Like normal adults.

Delaney loves Katie.

She'll be really happy
once we tell her.

John, have you ever heard of

expectation
recalibration therapy?

I was reading
an article about it,

-and I think--
-Excuse me, what article?

It's an article. And I--

Where was this article?

In the journals for doctor--
repeat, doctors.

Henry,
have you been listening again

to my sessions with my patients?

Anyway,
expectation recalibration

is basically a therapy
where you work

to accept that someone
will never change, right?

Like, they suck,
like, medically.

And in your case,
that's Delaney,

and in our case, it's our dad.

So, I mean, Daria confirmed
that he's a narcissist.

Oh, I have never treated
your father,

and I've never made
any medical claims about him.

-Excuse me.
-Yeah, I mean, but you have.

I mean, we've talked about that.

-What are you talking about?
-About-- you know.

-What are you--
-I sent him 20 of my poems

in the past year. Twenty.

And he never once told me
that I was talented.

Right?

I mean, how hard is it
to reply with a compliment?

How hard is it to, like,
you know, just say,

like, a simple, Henry, you are
a brilliant artist, right?

And it is a crime
that you have to edit

other people's much
weaker novels instead of

traveling the world
on your own book tour, right?

He is selfish,
Katie, and so is Delaney.

Yeah, I hear you. Um...

I-- I don't think
Delaney's selfish.

I think she has
a hard time with change.

Daria was treating
our neighbor the other day.

-Henry!
-No, he's a total freak, Daria.

I mean, he gets off on lizards.

And l-- did he say
blizzards or was it lizards?

-It was lizards, right?
-Yes, it was lizards.

It was lizards.
He gets off on lizards,

and his wife wants
to divorce him, clearly.

And Daria said something
that I think applies here.

Tell them the thing
about the change.

Oh.

Well, you know, uh,
people's nerves about change,

they can be calmed
by the familiar.

So, you take them to
a comfortable environment,

and you break the news.

It's kind of like you take
your kids to their favorite

ice cream shop and tell them
you're getting a divorce.

I mean, I think that's
something that you should

consider with Delaney.

I mean, she's about as mature
as an eight-year-old, so...

I've seen her hork down
a pint of Chubby Hubby

in one sitting,
so we know she likes ice cream.

Yeah.

In our latest episode of...

That's not a real basketball.

Third from the left is cake.

You know, I decided
I don't even want cake

at my birthday this year.

I actually think
it's really weird to,

like, bring out food
and then make people eat it.

-Did you find a bar yet?
-Think I'm gonna do it here.

But I'm going for
a very specific aesthetic,

so if you could not invite--

Ah, no!

Thought you'd be asleep.

Katie, I didn't know
you still had a key.

Uh, Delaney said I could
keep one for emergencies.

What's the emergency?

Um, well, this time
it's not so much an emergency,

really, as it is, um,
a surprise for my best friend.

Oh, man, I had-- I actually
had this whole thing planned

and I was gonna sneak in
and, like, put clues

around the apartment,
but, okay, whatever.

Since you're awake,
I'll just show you now.

Ah! Huh?

What the fuck is that?

I planned us
a mini beach vacation.

-You don't seem excited.
-What's there to be

excited about, Katie?
It's the beach.

I'm excited. I-I really am.

Um, and that poster is-- that's
your most thoughtful gift yet.

Do you see the umbrella?

I see the umbrella.

You know these trips
can be kind of weird for me.

Is John at least
bringing a friend?

No, no, John's not coming.

-Why?
-Yeah, why?

No reason. I just thought it
would be great for the two of us

to go on a trip, connect,
have some quality time.

Like old times?

Yes, yes, just like old times.

Ew.

All right. There we go.

-Nice.
-We're here.

What time is check-in
at the Pelican Palace?

Surprise. We aren't staying
at the Pelican Palace.

What?

Yeah, I got us a--
I got us a rental house,

actually, on Wonder Weekend.

Mm-hmm. Wonder Weekend rentals
kind of creep me out.

I don't like the idea of using

other people's
kitchen appliances.

But you're okay
sleeping in a bed

where a bunch of high schoolers
just rounded the bases?

But the Pelican Palace
is where all the parties end up.

I know. Imagine that noise.

Wouldn't sleep a frickin' wink.

Is there a bar?

What, at the rental house?

Is it a shared space or private?

Private.

And there's a lock box,

so we don't even
have to meet the guy.

You found it.

Huh. Oh.

Gosh, GPS can be
a little wonky here,

so I'm so glad
you guys figured it out.

How are we doing?

Are you, uh...

Are you, uh, Douglas?

Are you my fifth-grade teacher?

Just Dougie's fine, yeah.

I-- I just asked because
the listing had said that

there was a lock box, so
I didn't think we'd get to meet.

Here she is.

Yeah, I love to walk everyone
through the space first,

only because it's
a really important place to me.

-Oh.
-It was my mom's.

She, uh-- she died here.

Oh, gosh, no.
Not in the front yard.

-Oh!
-She died inside.

Katie, right?
So you must be Delaney.

-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.

Love that name. Family name?

-It was my grandfather's.
-Oh, my gosh.

I was named after
my mom's brother,

who we don't talk to anymore.

He's a-- he's a pedophile, so...

-Oh, I'm sorry.
-Oh, no, no, no.

He was always
cool with me, yeah.

But, uh, called a lot, you know,
when he was doing time.

Yeah, I guess inmates are, like,
really hard on child predators.

I didn't mind saying hi then,
but once he got out

and started coming
here unannounced...

Oh, my gosh.
I keep talking and talking.

You guys probably just
wanna see inside, right?

-Pretty cute, huh?
-I love it.

Yeah, Mom left the place
to me and my sister,

but Lauren has a family now,

so she let me
keep it all to myself.

-Ah, score.
-Yeah.

Oh, all the art on
the wall is for sale.

Oh.

Oh...

What little munchkin did these?

I am an artist.

Yeah, well,
technically my day job

is medical sales, but I've
been working my tush off and--

Is there a Wi-Fi password?

Uh, yeah. It was in the welcome
pamphlet that I sent over.

Because guests
are really supposed to

read the pamphlet
before they check in, so...

-Oh.
-But it's okay.

I have a spare set
of rules right here.

-Oh, perfect.
-Here you go.

Oh, I also threw in
my favorite local spots.

-You girls hot dog fans?
-Dingo's Dogs.

-Yeah.
-Yeah, um, we know it.

We used to come here
when we were little.

Fun. Yeah.

-Sisters?
-Best friends.

I love, uh, best friends.

Any big plans for
best friends night?

Um, I think we'll probably...

hang here, make a cheese plate.

You get plenty
of cheese at home.

Oh...

I thought we could go to a bar.

I mean,
I brought a lot of orange wine

-for us to drink here.
-Oh! That's a no.

What is?

Uh, no alcohol on the premises.

That's ridiculous.

Um, what she means is

we were really just
gonna have a glass or two.

Yeah, no exception to the rules.

Was it just a quick skim
of the welcome email?

Because no shoes
is also a big one.

I can't sleep with
the sound of stomping.

I thought this
was a private space.

Yeah, the upstairs
is your private domain.

I hang my hat in
the subterranean domicile.

I live in the basement.

What are you doing?

Pedophile has this address.

Okay, well,
it's a good thing we're adults.

I look young.

See what happens when you stray
from places you know and love?

Your mom got staph
at the Pelican Palace.

The Pelican Palace is fun.

They keep beers
in the ice machine.

You prefer dirty ice?

Over a literal deathbed? Yeah.

Okay, I put a lot of effort
into planning this trip,

and I would like if we could at
least relax and try to connect,

enjoy ourselves,
appreciate where we are.

-Ow!
-Shh!

Cameras? What the hell?

What? Remember when
I worked at Urban Outfitters?

All right,
those cameras aren't even on.

People just see them
and are less likely to steal.

Do you see any ironic coffee
table books for sale here?

Because I don't.

Dougie isn't
warding off shoplifters.

He's watching us
to get his rocks off.

He is not camped out
in front of the monitor

with his hands down his pants.

He's nice.

No. No.
I'm not staying here all night

and being one of Dougie's
cheese-eating cam girls, okay?

I'm going to a bar.

-All night at a bar?
-Yeah.

Shh, shh.

Thing is, though, if it's loud,
we won't really be able to talk.

We talk all day.

I know. That's a good point.

Yeah, let's go to a bar.

Man.
This place has really changed.

It used to get packed.

I saw this pottery place
in town,

and they have a morning class
that teaches you

how to make little bowls
for your keys.

I kind of was hoping
we'd sleep in.

Yeah, it's not till 7:00.

Okay. Cheers to this weekend.

-Thank you for planning it.
-Um...

as you know, we've had
so many great memories here

as friends, and we've crossed
so many milestones together.

And I thought it would
be the perfect place

to come to cross one more.

And I think that it's the most
important thing that we do

if we are able to flourish
together, like two roses,

two best friends,
I guess, roses, who, um...

-Uh, can I get a beer, please?
-Yeah.

That guy? Real hot.

-Who?
-The helmet guy.

Can I do double whiskey?

Uh, okay. That's not
why we're here. Um, okay.

So I was saying, we have crossed

so many milestones together
here as friends, and--

He looks like Dennis Fuller.

Oh, Dennis Fuller.
Another loser.

Should we go talk to him?

I-- I'm in the middle
of saying something, okay?

Um...

You gonna pick that up?

I'm gonna call him back.

Uh, I'm gonna be quick.
Don't move.

Sorry, uh,
had to get to a quiet place.

Delaney dragged me to a bar.

You out celebrating?

-Celebrating?
-The proposal.

-Katie?
-Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It cut out for a sec.
Um, yeah-- yeah, not yet.

You said that you would
tell her by tonight.

No, no, I know. I--

I was-- I was just about to
when you called.

Well, Daria sent over
some invitation samples,

and she said we should
pick one by next week.

Okay, yeah, sounds good.

I'll send you some photos,
and then you can decide,

or I can decide, you can
send me photos right back.

- Uh, whichever.
- Okay.

-I'll text you later.
-I'll text you later.

-Love you. Bye.
-Love you. Bye.

-Checking in?
-Ugh, you gotta to check in.

I'm the social sheriff
for Sigma Nu,

so I got to plan
this bachelor party

for my almost bro-in-law,
and I always go big.

Last month, we had a naughty
nuns and a frisky friars party.

-Friars are like bald priests.
-Tell me, what do you do?

Uh, finance.

-Okay, humble.
-Do you follow crypto?

Because he--
he created Apex Coin.

Uh, GQ did vote on one
of their up-and-coming coins

of the year this year,
but it's not a big deal.

Oh, my God. Anybody could make
this little itty-bitty coin.

Nobody's-- Oh, I'm so sorry.

-Sorry. Hey.
-Hi. Um, I'm Katie.

Hey, Kaylee. Oh, my God.

You look exactly like my twins.
Look at that.

Is Apex Coin funding
any strippers this weekend?

I don't pay
for intimate experiences.

I do. I wanted one real bad.

I found one online
that's so mean to you.

-They, like--
-Sorry about him.

The legend himself.
It's Charlie.

Delaney. Katie.

Nice to meet you, Katie. Again.

Do you think it was
a bad idea to have

a college junior
plan my bachelor party?

Uh, we're actually
probably gonna head out.

Oh, would you actually mind
opening these for us?

All good. I got it. Oh, no.

P-p-p-party flops! Ha. Yeah.

You didn't-- you didn't
wanna use your party flop?

-You.
-Thank you.

One beer and we go?

One beer and we go.

-Let's go.
-Yeah, let's fucking go!

I'm gonna fire up some tunes.

That smells fucking awful.

Oh, my God, that smells so bad.

Wait, I didn't smell anything.

I didn't--
What's it smell like?

Oh!

Yo.

Did anybody see a dog
walk through here?

Bottle opener on
the bottom of a shoe?

Stop smiling.

Stop.

And I don't know what kind
of moron walks through dog shit

and has no idea.

He didn't even know how to get
strippers for a bachelor party.

Well, not all guys
like strippers.

-That one I get.
-Yeah, totally.

-John really doesn't.
-Okay.

John actually doesn't.

-Because he has a sister.
-He does?

You've hung out with her
like, three times.

Oh, right.

Will you open the door?

-You have the key.
-You have the key.

-No.
-I have the key?

-You wanted to carry it.
-I have the key.

I don't have the key.

Where-- Where'd it go?

It might've fallen out
of my pocket.

-Why can't you carry a purse?
-I'm sorry.

I need to brush my teeth.

We can go back to the bar
and look for them?

No.

You know what we have to do?

No.

Yeah.

-Sorry again, Dougie.
-Oh, that's fine.

-I was only asleep for an hour.
-Okay, good.

-Have you--
-Oh! Sorry.

Just pop those off for me.

-Oh.
-Yeah.

-Sorry.
-It's just the rules.

-Thank you.
-I just forgot.

That's fine.

I love those flats.

Oh, sorry.

Before you go back
down to the basement,

what's the deal
with the cameras?

Oh, my gosh.

I had to up my security
after a nightmare renter.

You ever heard of a home birth?

But the cameras
don't actually record.

Oh, no.
They're the real deal.

Yeah.

No audio, of course, 'cause you
need a permit for that.

And no cameras in the bedrooms
or bathrooms.

-This was all in the--
-Uh, in the welcome email.

-Yeah.
-Was it just a quick skim?

'Cause we can pop a squat,

and look things over
if you want.

-Oh.
-No.

We should not pop any squats.

We'd like to go to bed,
and we'd like to watch TV alone.

Do you guys know how
to work the Roku?

Yes. Yes.

Uh, saw that in the binder.

She saw the--
ah, I crack myself up.

Hmm!

I don't have a Roku.
It was a trick question.

You fell right into my trap.

I'm really gonna need you
to do a refresher

on the rules after I leave.

Okay?

I'm gonna need a verbal "K"
from both of you.

Okay.

Hmm?

Okay.

And while I'm at it, why don't
I throw us all in a group text?

Just in case of emergencies.

Katie, I have your digits,
but, um...

Delaney?

Mm.

What time is it?

It's early.

Um...

It's really early.
Go back to bed.

I'm gonna, um...

I'm gonna go get us coffees.

It's a matter
of privacy, I don't know.

And I think it's a little weird
for your friend's wife

to post something
before I, the bride,

have posted anything,
you know? I mean...

But you told Delaney,
right?

Yes. Yes, I...

I told her we were engaged. I--

Okay, I will ask them
to take it down.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I just don't
want it up there. Okay.

I gotta go.

Yeah. All right,
I love you. Bye.

Hey.

Hi.

Hi.

I almost didn't recognize you
without the dog shit

-on your cup.
-Oh.

-That's funny.
-Too soon?

I, um-- Sorry,
I overheard you on the phone.

I didn't realize
you were a bride.

Yeah. Yeah.

-Congratulations.
-Thank you.

Thank you. It's, um...
It's really recent.

Um, and, um...

I'm really, really excited.

I just need to figure out, um...

I haven't told, uh,
my best friend yet.

Uh, Delaney,
who you met last night.

So I just need to, you know,
figure stuff out, so...

What, she doesn't like him?

Uh, you know, I mean, she's--

she's not the most
emotive person, so it can be...

It can be-- It was hard
to tell in the beginning,

but yeah, she likes him.

She does.
Yeah, she does like him.

Yeah. Now say it one more time,

but I want you
to really mean it.

She-- She does like him, so.

Look, a few of my friends
weren't that happy for me

when I got engaged.

I think they're just freaked out
that they think your fiancé's

gonna hijack your life,

and they're never
gonna see you again.

I know, which is crazy. It's--

One of them just straight-up
stopped inviting me places,

because he said I don't know
how to hang anymore.

Not that that's gonna
happen to you, I think--

No. No, I know.

Um...

-Yeah.
-Okay. Good luck with...

you know.

-Enjoy your coffee.
-Yeah.

-Bye.
-Bye.

-You're up!
-What time is it?

Time to get up. Cold brew?

There you go.

-It's beautiful out, by the way.
-Where's my phone?

Our phones are tucked away
safely in the kitchen drawer.

-Why?
-Because,

today is about having fun
without distractions.

We're gonna float around
untethered to technology,

just like when we were little.

-What happened to pottery?
-Oh, we're not going to pottery.

We're gonna be wild.
Crazy. Spontaneous.

We are goin' off the grid.

All right? Get up, get up,
get up, get up, get up!

I think it was a left
back there?

I was following you.

-I'm following you.
-Why?

-I'm left-brained.
-No, I'm left-brained.

Which one's the one
that's bad at math?

Because you're that one.

That's very rude.

You know what's rude
is those are my sneakers,

and you're wearing them,
and you didn't ask me.

- Katie? Oh!
- Gwen!

Oh, my God. Hi.

- And Delaney.
- Hey, Gwen.

Oh, my God. Wow.

You two, hanging out.

It's like stepping back
into 2008 again.

I love it.

Mm!

-You have a baby.
-Mm-hmm.

- Congratulations.
- Hmm, yeah, Max.

But she's a girl.

Oh, she's amazing.
She's such a great eater.

-She sleeps eight to eight.
-Wow, that's awesome,

um, are you here
for the weekend?

Oh, no. My partner and I,
we live here full-time.

Yeah, we moved away from
the city, which was super scary.

But, you know, I love it.

Wait, did I see
that you got married?

Uh, no. No.

- That's right. No.
- Oh, you know what?

I'm thinking about the other
Katie in your grade.

Yeah, the other Katie,
she had her wedding

featured on Nautical Nuptials.

Amazing.

Wow.

Well, what are you up to today?

Uh, we-- we're probably
just gonna grab some food

at the deli, actually, in town.

Oh, my God.

Their lox is what got me
through my second trimester.

Just the craziest cravings
with this little one.

You know, pistachios, fish,

cottage cheese,
butt stuff, whatever.

You name it, I had it.

Oh, crazy idea alert,

but we're actually having
a BBQ at mine today.

You should come.

-Is it a party?
-It's a BBQ.

Yeah. Come.

Mm!

Sorry, we just, we get
a little crazy on the weekends.

Well, I mean, as,
you know, crazy as we can

with a little one.

Oh! Yeah.

Um, so, what is it you do, Theo?

I'm a filmmaker.

Yeah, um, commercials.

Yeah, we-- he just got back
from Tokyo.

Oh, wow.

You know, I--
I hear Japan's amazing.

What commercial
were you shooting?

Um, it's nothing.

Sweetie, well,
just tell-- tell them.

-No, just-- just a small thing.
-Oh, he's being so modest.

He's being modest.

He was shooting
a watch commercial

with Brad Pitt,
and Natalie Portman.

- Oh, wow.
- Gee.

Uh, that's-- that's so cool.

Did you get to meet them,
the celebrities?

Yeah, that's not really
why I do it, though.

- Hmm.
- Hmm.

-No, of course not.
-Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Hmm.

Oh, hello.

-Oh.
-Oh, hi.

Oh, oh no, careful.
She-- she-- she can bite.

- Oh.
- Oh, she does?

Uh, well, yeah, I guess
she really likes you.

Um...

Actually, I've never seen her
do that with anyone but me.

Hmm?

Myrtle, why don't you--
why don't you come here?

Come. Come to papa, hey?

Come on. Myrtle!

Hmm! Ah!

I think, um, yeah, I think
it's your turn, Daddy.

You know, I'm pretty sure
I read in the book

that it's better
to let 'em cry it out, right?

No, that's for, um,

when we're putting her
to sleep, babe.

-Yes, well, and nappies.
-No, no, not just nappies.

Oh! There, she wants--
she wants to come.

Come on.
Yeah, why don't you?

Ah! Yeah, okay.

Oh! There we go.

Oh! You know what,
we're gonna...

look after the child as well.

Come on.

-Yeah.
-Just excuse me, okay?

- No, that's okay.
- Okay.

I'm very worried
about the dog.

I'm sorry, okay?

I felt bad.

I saw them wandering
the neighborhood,

looking longingly
at all these families,

What was I supposed to do?

You know we don't invite
strangers into this house.

First it was the kitten
in the garage,

now it's these spinsters
from your past.

Baby, we have a child.

We do? Wow!

I just forgot about
the 46 hours of labor,

and my torn anus.

The chatty one
is hiding something,

and I know that you don't care,

but the mute keeps on
fiddling with Myrtle.

I want them gone.

I want my life back.

Ladies,
I couldn't find any weed,

but, some ketamine!

Fuck.

Ow!

Oh, it hit my spine.

Ow!

Oh, my God.

Since when is petting
a dog weird?

It's not like
I was only petting tail.

I'm serious!

Okay, well,
I'm not "hiding anything."

They're just frickin' nuts.

Whatever,
that's the most excitement

-they've seen in months, so.
-Yeah?

Her partner just shot
a commercial with Brad Pitt,

but, I hear you.

Yeah, they clearly
hate each other, though.

Hate each other.
Maybe they're a little tired.

Just had a baby.

Or maybe they were in love
and then they had the baby...

and now they hate each other.

- That's real nice.
- I'm-- I'm sorry.

That's the reason
I don't want kids.

All right, I know you want kids.

I-- I mean it.
I don't want kids.

Okay, you don't mean that.
Don't say that.

Um, I do mean it.
I don't want kids.

Delaney, you don't mean that.
Stop.

Can we not
have this conversation?

Because that really put
a damper on my entire day.

Yes, okay, sorry.

Um...

Okay, what do you want to do?

- Follow me.
- Okay.

-Yeah.
-Ooh!

I'm gonna get this
with my name on it.

And then she's gonna get
this with her name on it.

What's the other 2%?

Um, paralegal?

Okay!

Hi.

-Oh!
-Ooh!

Yeah! Woo!

Oh my God!

Oh, God. We've gotta get away.

Ohh!

Oh my God, they're very nimble.

- Really?
- Yes,

he cuts his toenails
in the car.

- That's a good thing.
- No.

Shots!
Keep it going, all-nighter.

Oh, hi Kyle.

You sure you're allowed
back in here?

Dude, I'm so embarrassed.

How can we make this up to you?

Um, I guess one of you
could eat some dog shit.

Shit, I'll do it.

No, I'll do it.
I'll do it.

I am so sorry that we keep
subjecting you to this.

Let's just do a round of
Fireball shots for everyone.

You like Fireball?

I love Fireball.

Let's fucking go.

What is with Phil?

What's up Katie?

Oh my God, dude.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Well, we've been having
so much fun,

it's been hard to find
the right time to tell her.

Right. But more importantly,

as soon as you tell her,
it's going to be weird.

Uh, yeah, that too.

All right, then don't think
about it and just have fun.

I can't not think about it.

-She is going to find out.
-Mm-hmm.

-Oh my God, you're so stressed.
-I know. I know.

I can feel your heart beating
in your chest.

I know. I know.

Well, my fiancé wants
to try for kids

-as soon as we get married.
-Oh!

So this will be the last time
I see my friends

for the next 18 years.

That's so sad.

-I know.
-Don't say that.

I agree. The fact is
that we're getting older

and we're not going to have
a lot more weekends like this.

We're not 80 years old.
This is not your last hurrah.

Do you know
what a bachelor party is?

By definition,
it is a last hurrah.

I think you're being dramatic.

I don't think so.

Maybe we get another drink?

-Yes.
-Is that an awful idea?

-No, it's a good idea.
-Okay, twist your arm?

Yeah, twist my arm.

I don't really do
the whole American idealization

of excess supersize a thing.

Well, except when
it comes to real estate

because tiny homes scare me.

Oh!

It's Jane. Hold those.

Thank you.

What's his deal?

Oh, he's a good dude.

And he's like low-key rich now,
too.

But he only dates models.
Sorry.

Hey, um, are you single?

Yeah, I'm single.

Same. I mean,
me and my boys have like

a strict no dating policy
for junior year.

I love that.
I wish my friends got that.

Can you put in a good word
with Tommy?

Like to date?

-No.
-Oh, like to smash?

Yeah, like to smash.

Yeah, I'll ask him.

Less of an ask and more
of a temperature check.

Just check it out for me.

It's my mission to get
you kissing.

Phil, Tommy.

Family Fireball shots.

Oh, fuck.

Cheers.

Oh, fuck.
I forgot to vote.

Guys, there's nothing open.

We really don't need
to force the night.

No, no, no.

-We said all-nighter.
-We did.

I feel like Tommy and Delaney
still need to clap cheeks.

-What are you talking about?
-Nothing.

He's drunk. Ignore him.

Well, we would invite you back
to the Pelican Palace Bar.

But it is, I've been told,

an out-of-order vending machine
in the parking lot.

-Mm.
-So...

-That's correct.
-They can't host.

You guys,
should we just call it?

-Yes.
-No, no.

Let's go to ours.

What about Dougie?

I don't know.

We'll be quiet.

Sorry.

This is the only room
in the house without cameras.

-I have cash.
-Yeah, I think, uh,

I think I should probably
take Phil home.

No.

No.

You should stay here.

Charlie and Katie,
they'll be back any second.

Chill.
I'm friends with Danny.

Or we could play a game.

You guys ever heard of Twister?

Oh, man.

The Beta Thighs
brought it to, uh,

the hockey house last spring.

No, uh, seriously, I told Phil's
wife I'd watch him.

I think it's time for us to go.

- Phil.
- I'm good. Chill.

Come on.
Go back to the hotel.

I think we should get
Phil coffee.

-Phil, do you want a coffee?
-Don't fucking touch me.

All right, yeah,
let's get Phil coffee.

Is that okay?

Yeah, go get me fucking coffee
and get out of here.

Great, let's get Phil coffee.

Bye.

This guy fucking thinks
he knows what it's like

to fucking live in
a house with three women.

No offense.
You're awesome.

Ooh, a smooth banana IPA.

That could be your--

that could be your
wedding drink.

Like your bride
signature cocktail.

I'm not doing any of that stuff.

Right, because you're,
like, cool bride.

Yes, yes, that's right.

What's your
signature cocktail?

Well, I'm a cool groom,
so I can't do that.

Oh. You might actually be
too cool of a groom

if it takes you
seven years to propose.

Look, love happens
in its own time.

-Oh, right.
-It's a--

I don't make the timetable.

-Love makes the timetable.
-And that's what you told her?

-Yeah.
-Yes, that's what I told her.

And how much time
did that buy you?

Seven years.

Ah, ah, ah. I see.

What made you wait so long?

I just wasn't sure.

About your fiancé?

About any of it. I just...

I just didn't know
if that's what I wanted.

You know, I just think
it's this thing that

we all think we're supposed
to do because everybody else

does it, but we never stop
and ask ourselves

if it's what we actually want.

And then I realized
that I did want it,

and I do want kids,
and that eventually

I just had to get out of my own
way and find somebody

that I liked and use good
judgment and be smart

and just, you know,
pick them and be happy.

So romantic.

I don't care if
you don't think it's romantic.

It's honest, and honesty is
what sustains a marriage.

It's not romance.

I mean,
you actually don't think

that there's one person
for everyone?

I'm sorry.
You can't be serious.

- What?
- One person for everyone?

No, of course not.
I think there are millions

of people that
we can connect with.

It's just a matter of
when you meet them.

We're not marrying these
people because of timing.

Don't say we're marrying them

because of soulmates cause I'll
leave you here with those beers.

We are marrying them
because we love them.

Yes.

I mean, right?

I said yes.

I-- You're not selling me.

-Do you know?
-That's not my job.

Oh!

This coffee expired
six years ago.

Coffee doesn't expire.

I got cash money, baby girl.

Remember that stuff
from the 90s?

Don't worry about Phil. We'll
get it from tap water, okay?

Or like Windex or something.

Would you like to share
a glass of wine?

What?

Someone found a speaker.

-Connect.
-No, I have to conserve

my battery for the Uber
so we can leave.

You remember leaving?

You can use my phone
for the music.

No offense, but you probably
don't have my kind of music

on your phone, so...

What kind of music do you like?

House. But a very
specific kind of house.

-I like specific house.
-My God.

Just listen to your music, okay?

-Put it on your phone.
-I'm fine.

Put it on your phone.
I'm fine.

Oh, Tommy.

I'm coming, Tommy.

I'm gonna make two glasses
of wine still

if anyone wants to stay
and-- and drink it with me.

Delaney, can you fire up
some pizzas, hon?

For the guys, at least.

I mean,
I'm happy to host this.

Yeah, you don't seem
anxious about it at all.

What! I'm a little worried.

If I get a bad review,
that is on you.

What is with you in this review?

Are you in some sort of
legal bind?

No. No, but...

I will write you a comment if
they give you a shitty review.

Oh. Oh. Thank you.

You know, we can just go back
to my hotel if you want.

I mean, just say the word.

Charlie, I can't.

I'm engaged.

You know, I...

Trust me.

I feel it, too,
but there's not...

No-- I'm sorry.
I meant, like...

I meant all of us
would go back to my hotel.

Like, instead of
you hosting here

just because you seemed
anxious about it?

Yeah, no, I'm...
I'm so sorry.

Just because we'd been flirting,
so I thought that you were...

I wasn't suggesting
that you and I would go back

alone to my hotel.

I hope I wasn't giving off
that impression.

I mean, did you think
the friendly banter meant

that I was going to, like,
cheat on my fiancé?

No.

No.

-I got it.
-Okay.

That's a fatty, dude.

Delaney, what the fuck
are you doing?

You said
we'd stay in the bedroom!

- Delaney!
- Phil, buddy,

-time to go.
-Finally. Yeah, let's go.

No. Stay.

You can go to my room.

-I'll make it fun.
-No.

-No thanks.
-Is it because I'm not a model?

No, because I don't share
a genuine connection with you,

and it feels weird
to lead you on.

Oh, fuck you.

You know, I came here
to celebrate an important time

in Charlie's life.

I tried to politely keep
my distance so I could spend

time with my friends,
who I never see,

but you inserted yourself into
our plans and put us all

in a very weird situation so
honestly, fuck you, Delaney.

No.

No. No, no, no.

Fuck you, Tommy.

Fuck you.

Because that, that's the
dopest girl that I've ever met.

And you may not get her,

but I do.

I think I love you.

Wh-- What?

What are you talking about?

What? No, no, no, no, no.
What is going on here?

Who are these people?

Mom's house?

Can you not?
On the art?

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

They are about to leave.

Additional guests?
Shoes inside?

Alcohol?

You agreed to the rules.

I know. I know. I'm sorry.

There were a lot of rules.

And honestly,
no alcohol is crazy, so...

Yeah, because I don't
want to relapse again.

I'm two years sober.

What is wrong with you people?

This is my house.

It kills me that
I have to rent this out.

But with my mom's leftover
medical bills,

I don't really have--

Really?

I'm not going to not do
the coke.

Hi.

-Hi.
-We're here for Big Dick Phil.

-What?
-Oh my God. I'm him.

Phil, please tell me
that you didn't hire...

- Delaney said I could.
- I said he could.

Because guess what?

All guys like strippers, Katie.

Even your lover, Charlie.

Okay, well,
he's not my lover.

I mean, you have been
eye-fucking her all week, dude.

-See?
-Whoa.

What about my sister?

It's not chill.

What are you talking about?

She's engaged.

You knew?

Charlie knew.

Hey, we're drunk, okay?

Let's not talk about
this right now.

You don't want to talk about
how you hid your engagement

from me for an entire weekend?

Can you stop?

How you put our phones
in our kitchen drawer?

-Stop.
-You're a psycho.

And you're a fucking bitch!

Okay, this is just sad.

-I can't dance here.
-Same.

Friendship stuff is
super triggering.

Yeah.

Okay. I got another girl,

but it'll take her 45
minutes to get here.

Get out!

You get out.

You're a pervert.
You filmed us.

Pervert.

Pervert. Pervert.

Pervert! Pervert! Pervert!

You're creepy!

You don't treat guests this way!

-Everywhere is closed, Delaney.
-I'm not talking to you.

-Okay, but nowhere's open.
-You don't know everything.

Ugh.

If you'd like to make a call...

-Oh, hello.
-...please hang up and

try again.

I'll have one pizza.

For one person.

I know.

She said it's going
to be five minutes, so.

You didn't want to
know what type of pizza?

I always get pepperoni
and they always know, so.

Yeah, I didn't hear
a credit card number.

-I'm paying cash or cheque.
-Mhm.

Tommy took
my charger into his room and...

I know, but...

All right, well,
Kyle's also not exactly

the most reliable narrator.

I can't.

Look, I'm gonna be
home in a few hours.

No, I'm here.

Yes-- No, my service is fine.

I'm gonna-- I'll be
home in a few hours

and then we can talk, okay?

-Ready.
-Great.

Four hours and 37
minutes to destination.

Can we please
talk about last night?

About what?

Uh, all of it.

I mean...

do you remember any of it?

I-- I know you can block out big
chunks when you drink like that.

I remember that you lied
to me about getting engaged.

I remember that.

I tried to tell you.

That first night.
I had this whole thing planned.

It's the-- the whole
reason we did the trip.

You lied to me all weekend.

No, I-- I tried to
tell you all weekend.

Another lie. That's great.

Why do you always lie?

Honestly,
you lie to me all the time.

I'm not a liar. It's just really
hard to be honest with you.

I mean, you hate everything.

You hate everyone.

-I don't hate everyone.
-Admit you hate John.

Admit it.
You've never liked him.

You roll
your eyes when he talks.

You don't laugh at his jokes.

I don't know why,
he's so sweet,

but you have always hated him.

-I hate how boring he makes you.
-Boring?

Why? Because I don't want
to babysit your fucking benders.

At least I'm not
stuck in some sad routine.

I'm not sad, I'm happy.

You look happy.

Why don't you call it?

I'm serious,
why don't you leave the city?

Go drown your personality
in white wine with Gwen.

That sounds better
than staying here

and wasting it with you
one weekend at a time.

Why don't you try
caring about something?

Why don't you try
making a fucking effort?

Why don't you grow up?

-I am grown up.
-You still do cocaine!

Doing cocaine is fun, Katie.

Okay, yeah, well,
maybe we're too different now.

Yeah. Maybe we are.

Get out.

Hey, there she is.

How you doing?
You feeling okay?

-Yeah, just going to shower.
-Okay.

There are two pigs, okay,

and they're
in the same.

The wife pig turns over
to the husband pig and she says,

"Have you seen
Farmer Joe's pants lately?"

Why would you cancel?

The husband goes,
"Oh, that's so funny,

I thought he said pork chop."

Thank you so much,
I really enjoyed this time...

Oops, did a thing.

Officially secured
SeriesBeeFundee for my startup.

Who do you think posted that?

Wh-- Uh, oh. Oh.

Oh, um...

Elon Musk.

Uh, no, no,
it's someone we know.

Oh, oh, uh, um...

I give up.

Okay, um, no, it was
Diane's date from New Year's.

No, I don't-- I don't,
I don't even think I met her.

Oh, is she friends with Delaney?

Speaking of which, is Delaney
coming to dinner this weekend?

I don't think so.

Why?

Well, we're gonna fight.

-The two of you are fighting?
-Yeah.

That's maybe never happened

-in the history of the world.
-Yeah.

-What happened?
-Um, it's very dumb.

-It was about the engagement.
-Oh.

I... so I-- I never
actually told her.

She found out on my phone
and went ballistic and...

Wait, wait, wait,
what do you mean you didn't--

-you didn't tell her that--
-I mean, remember I tried and

you called,
so I couldn't really.

And then I tried later
that night and it got

-extremely weird and then--
-No. No, no, no. Don't--

Don't do that.

I let you wait until
the perfect moment

to tell her how
you wanted to tell her.

And you said
you would do that on the trip.

You told me you would
handle that on the trip

so we could start
planning our wedding.

I mean, you're a little obsessed
with planning the wedding.

Well, yeah,
I want to celebrate our marriage

with our family and our friends.

No offense, I--
I don't think you really get it.

You know, I don't think
you get me and Delaney exactly.

-I don't think you could.
-See, how do you--

how do you say that?

I've been nothing
but accommodating

to you and your friend.

She has a drawer in our dresser.

-You said that was fun.
-It-- It was!

It is.

But I just want to know
when you're going to choose us.

Right? When you will stop
bending our lives together

-for Delaney.
-It's not just Delaney.

-Hold on. No, what do you--
-No, no, no, no, no.

What do you mean?

You know, marriage can
really change your life.

And a lot of
times for the better,

which I think will be,
you know, our case.

And I'm very excited,
of course, but...

there's just a lot of changes.

Like for example,
you know, eventually we will

probably want to move
out of the city and that's fine.

And I'm-- you know,
we'll do that for you.

You go out there and then
all of a sudden all your friends

are married couples
that moved out there too.

And nobody knew you before
you were a married couple.

So it's actually
a bit like you didn't

exist before you were
part of a married couple.

-So that's the new you.
-I'm just gonna-- just gonna--

I'm just gonna stop you.

I don't even know
what to believe anymore.

John!

So anyways,
popcorn to Delaney.

I didn't have
any peaks this week.

Well, a week of valleys finds
time in our cow eventually.

Everything okay?

Yeah, it's...
everything's okay.

Delaney, we're here if you ever
want to share, obviously.

But you seem
to hate peaks and valleys, so.

I don't hate peaks and valleys.

Really?

Once you thought
you were muted and

you screamed "fuck" when we
started playing the game.

Okay, fine. Um...

My valley was...

my best friend lied to me
about getting engaged.

-What?
-Wow.

Wow, that is a deep valley.

Very deep.

Okay, let's dive into this.

Let's dive into this.

Come on, we're here for you.

Wow, your hair--
I always pictured--

pictured you as a blonde.

Look at you!
Okay, so wait,

tell me everything.
Who is this fiancé?

-What's his name?
-Yeah?

- John.
- Where's John from?

- Yeah, John.
- The Midwest.

What state?

Minneapolis...

Michigan or Minnesota.

It's an M, I just...

I can't remember right now.

You seem like you
must hate him.

I don't hate him.

-I don't hate John.
-That's very nice.

It's your best friend.
So you're trying to be nice.

But like, what did he do?
He obviously cheated.

-He obviously...
-Oh, he cheated. He did cheat.

-Alex, he cheated, obvi--
-John did not cheat.

John's not a cheater.

He's totally obsessed with her.

But too obsessed, probably.

-No. No.
-Okay. Okay.

No, to where it's like...

True crime.

No. He treats her really well.

He's a very good guy.

So he treats her well?

Yeah, he treats her well.

Wait, is-- is she like
happy with him?

Yeah.

Okay, wait,
sorry for the disconnect here.

But what's the problem?

And the toy guy said that that's
the most popular thing he sells.

Yeah, no,
the kids wanted one of these.

I just got them a new globe,
but never enough.

Where's John?

Uh, he has a... work thing.

Oh, did he decide if
he wanted the chicken or

lamb skewers
for the cocktail hour?

Shoot, I-I'll ask him.
I'm not sure.

If you get that thing wet,
it turns blue.

So he's rehabbing
brittle hips after sundown?

He's really
burning the midnight oil.

And, um... if you want
it to go back to red,

yeah, you just
put it in the sun.

Is there trouble in paradise?

You can't hide from
an empath, little sister.

Um, Delaney
and I got into a fight.

And now John and I are in a bit
of a fight about that fight.

Of course. No, no, no.
We all saw this coming.

You know, you guys
are emotionally stunted.

Daria says you both
have arrested development.

I never said that.

-Thank you very much.
-Oh, so you just happened

to leave your notebook open
to a page that said

"Never individuated
into adulthood?"

Did you find
the key to my office again?

It doesn't matter.

Look, the medical fact is
you guys are basically still

kids who are clinging on to each
other in the cafeteria of life.

You're emotionally stunted.

Oh, that's a very
mature response, Katie.

Do you see what I'm saying?

You're stunted.

That's so rich coming from you.

Look, I'm sorry.

I really hate to be the one
to have to tell you this,

but it might actually
be time for you to grow up.

We have all had to.

Did we? I mean,
did we all have to?

You're like 40 years
old and you still blame

everything on our parents.

You're emotionally
stunted, not me.

-Tell him, Daria.
-No, no, no, Daria.

Tell her that
she's narcissistic like Dad.

Do you know that the DSM-5
defines narcissism as

a personality disorder,
right, Daria?

A cluster B
personality disorder,

which I think
we can both agree you have.

- I have a personality disorder?
- Yeah. Obviously.

Oh my God, you're delusional.

You're literally
medically delusional.

You're certifiable!
Daria, tell him.

You have every symptom.
Tell him, tell him--

Shut up!

Just shut the fuck up!

Today I listened to a man detail

an intense reptilian fetish
that's ruining his marriage.

And I had to tell him,
no, that's not weird

that you want an iguana
to act as a third.

A girl ate rocks in front of me.

And I had to tell a mother

who told me that
she lost her pregnancy...

I had to promise her that
she would get over it one day.

Do you guys want
a medical diagnosis?

You are both ungrateful shits!

I can't believe she said all
that stuff about her patients.

I mean, isn't that supposed
to be, like, really private?

Okay.

I know we didn't have
the ideal childhood...

but you cannot keep
using it as an excuse.

I mean, come on...

can you be the adult for once?

Can you help me for once?

Things are going
to be okay with John.

I don't know, actually.

Yeah, he's... he's really mad.

People get mad, Katie.

It's part of life,
and it's going to be a long road

if you walk around trying
to make everything nice

for everybody all the time.

You've got to be honest.

I know what Delaney
means to you.

And I know how much

she was there for you
when you were kids.

And yes, I maybe thought
that you were freaks.

But what you had was special.

You guys had a great run.

So maybe it's okay
that it's over.

Sometimes the past can't last.

Pass me my poem journal.

Hurry up.

Okay, quick, quick, quick.

Okay, I made
a guest list.

Pretty much everyone
who's coming is cool,

except for, like, one other
assistant from my office.

Have I shown you
her grid before?

She posts so much emo shit.

It's like, we get
that you have cancer.

Maybe she wants support.

What?

Or seeing it helps other people.

Well, it doesn't help me.

-I meant other sick people.
-Right.

Wait, how much do we hate Katie?

Like, we haven't talked
about this at all.

Yeah, what she did wasn't great.

You know what
I always say, hate motivates.

Liking stuff,
that can motivate, too.

No, liking stuff is for sheep.

Plus, hating stuff
is, like, our thing.

We both know
the whole world sucks.

The whole world sucks?

Yeah.

I think I need to leave.

I mean, same,
this place is a shithole.

Like, it's obviously
a temporary situation.

No.

I just don't want
to be around you anymore.

I hate that we love
to hate people.

It makes me feel sick.

And I want to feel good.

I want to be happy.

I want to be happy
for other people.

I want to be happy
for my family.

I want to be happy
for my friends.

But I don't know
how to do that.

I don't know how
to be happy... for people.

Did you, like, write that in
your Notes app to say to me?

That's so fucking lame, Delaney.

Okay, bye.

No, just keep breathing.

Oh, okay.

Other side.

One second, sorry.

Delaney.

- Hi.
- What happened?

Is everyone okay?

What? Yeah.

Um...

Then, um, why are you here?

Where are you from?

Uh...

Illinois.

I knew that.

Did you like
it there in Illinois?

Do you mind?

Sure.

Who is it?

Who's this?

Yeah.

Um...

Yeah, I lived in Illinois
pretty much my whole life.

High school, college.

Go Phoenixes.

It was our college mascot.

Yeah, my whole
family went there.

And I am so sorry that
I didn't tell you

that I was going
to propose to Katie.

It's okay.

Probably made
you hate me even more.

I never hated you.

I hated you existed.

That was-- I...

Right.

You never did anything wrong.

I did everything to make it
incredibly weird for you.

And I'm-- I'm really sorry.

I'm really happy, too.

I will, uh, let you
get back to work.

Yeah, yeah.

We're-- We're actually
in a fight.

Um, she lied to me
about telling you.

And I just don't understand
why she can't be honest with me.

I don't know.

Maybe she's afraid of losing us.

Or maybe it's...

trying to protect us.

I really don't know.

I do know that...

getting older is...

really scary.

I'm not paying for this.

I got his card on file.

Well, can we talk?

I mean, what--
what are we doing?

I-- I-- I can't take
more silent treatment.

That's my client, Jerry.

Uh, yeah, I know Jerry.

Do you know his wife, Marlene?

You know,
they've been married for years.

Lived in four states,
three countries.

They got divorced,
got back together.

Lived in next-door houses,
just for their own space.

Until they built this place.

Together.

I don't know what the rest
of our lives will look like.

But it can be
whatever we want it to be.

I love you. I love you.

I love you, too.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I lied.

And I'm gonna do better.

I know, I know.
She told me.

Who?

Delaney.

Um, when-- when
did you see Delaney?

Today. She came by the office.

Why? She's like,

what, like, returning the stuff
I had in her apartment, or...

She... wanted to know
where I was from.

Yeah?

Actually?

Go get your girl.

-Go on.
-Yeah.

Yeah.

Open up your gait.

There you go.

Katie, no.

There's a list,
and you're not the aesthetic.

And honestly, even if you were,
there's already a Jennifer here,

and you can't, like,
have a Jennifer

-and a Katie, you know?
-Yeah, okay.

Um, Roxy, I know
you think I'm lame.

But I know that
you're miserable,

and that's why you're so mean.

I feel bad for you.

Okay?

Yeah.

-Same.
-Yeah.

Uh, where's Delaney?

Where do you think?

Fuck.

Occupied.

-Occupied.
-Delaney, drop the drugs.

I said, occupied.

-I was gonna--
-Sorry, can I go first?

Because...

I'm feeling brave,
and that might go away.

Go ahead.

I look at you, and I feel
like we are still 12 years old.

And I really love that.

But we're not
12 years old anymore.

And we can't spend
every second together anymore.

And we don't like all
the same things anymore,

as much as I try to fight that.

And I want to get married.

And I want to have kids.

And I want to save pictures
of bathroom renovations I like.

And I want to make
little dishes for my keys.

And I want
to move out of the city.

And I know you don't
want that stuff.

You don't even like
that stuff, actually.

And you don't even
really like people who do.

Which is scary.

And I didn't tell you
about the engagement

because I was afraid
you wouldn't be happy for me.

And that would just break
my heart beyond repair.

And I'm so happy about
this next chapter of my life,

but I'm terrified that you
don't want to be a part of it.

And I know
I really messed up by lying.

And I'm really, really sorry.

And if things are
different now, I understand.

And if we end up parting ways...

I just wanted to say thank you.

Being your best friend has just
been the highlight of my life.

And I think
we're really lucky to...

to have lasted
as long as we did.

Well, it's not every day
your kid sister gets married.

Um, I'm incredibly
honored to be here.

And I was asked to put
a couple words together

and to try to capture
the spirit of marriage.

And what it means
to our civilization.

And particularly what it means

to these two
very special people.

So, I've done my best.

And I think you'll agree.

Love's passion.

Always in fashion.

French kissing.

Sad to be missing.

Willows swaying.

Children playing.

Love will find a way.

Today.

Forevermore.

Into dawn, Katie and John.

You have truly won...

the game.

Thank you for
that beautiful poem, Henry.

Okay, let's do this.

Dearly beloved...

You're so crazy you spend more
time with, like, a hairdresser

than you do with, like,
your best friends.

100 percent.

My eyebrow woman
is-- is closer to me.

I text her.

-We're on texting basis.
-Yeah.

It's, like, really fun
just to, like, sleep, right?

To be in bed
for a full 24 hours.

-People say that's depression.
-That's a luxury.

I say that's a luxury.

-Exactly, yeah.
-100 percent. 100 percent.

-It's kind of depressing.
-It is.

Well, that's-- that's--
that's what

they tell you in school,
and you never listen.

-You know? That, like--
-You're like, that won't be me.

I'm fostering
a basset hound this week.

Puppy dog!

I know, so running around,

I need it.

I-- honestly,
I cannot even stand it.

I need it here.