All language subtitles for homebound s01e01.eng

Auckland, New Zealand.

Ever wonder how many 30 -year -olds are
still living at home these days?

My guess is 33%. The percentage of those
30 -year -olds living at home and still

getting laid?

Significantly lower.

Ugh, this one definitely flies solo.

Fuck it.

Called it.

Private jet, baby.

Airplane, airplane, airplane, where's
airplane?

Airdrop, not airdrop, airplane.

Time to grab your popcorn.

You

need

some human contact.

A nice Chinese girl.

Or you're going to start killing women
and wearing their skins.

Mom, it's just porn.

Don't watch it.

You're going on family tender.

Ouch.

Family tender.

So, that's one wasabi black pepper beef,
gai lang with garlic, and, of course,

my kung pao chicken noodle special.

Henry, Cindy, you want something to
drink?

You're pathetic.

For the record, that's not me. I
wouldn't be seen dead sitting next to

Now, if you haven't heard of Chinese
family Tinder, it goes something like

So, Cindy, I hear you're an engineer.

So clever.

Oh, Henry, I hear you're an engineer.

It's like being prodded by a table of
Chinese zookeepers trying to get two

pandas to mate.

Spoiler alert, they don't. And in two
weeks time, rematch. Mindy's an

accountant. Harry likes soccer. They can
manage a fantasy football team

together.

Lindsay is on Tinder.

So is Henry.

You two can delete the app together.

Yoke. Now, you're probably wondering why
anyone would put up with this crap.

Is it some weird Chinese thing?

A little.

But the real reason.

He's just another unpublished wannabe
novelist, and until he gets a big break

justify quitting his day job aged 30,
this is the price he pays for living at

home. A loser.

Good morning.

No, not good, Harry.

Your father has been going through our
camp.

I

don't even

like.

What's your problem?

No feelings.

No feelings.

He's too comfortable.

Who can relate to a 30 -year -old loser
who still gets caught watching poor

films by his mom?

We need to see results, Henry.

Wait,

what? That's your choice, Henry.

Make some progress.

Get a second date or move out.

Hey, what's this?

You go to me and tell you the agent.

I'll let you buy it.

Yes, what's that?

Relax. It's fine. Everything is fine.
They've read it. They loved it.

I bet they think it's groundbreaking.

You don't know that. It's Hancock and
Hancock. They don't take a meeting

they're interested.

The last time you said that, they turned
down yetis on Pluto. My epic sci -fi

label of love in favor of the more
culturally exotic water dragons on

by... She who we will not name, even
though China has no water dragons and

Neptune has no water.

At least my concept of Yeti moving to
Pluto to escape climate change made

because Pluto has ice.

What do you want me to do? Get a
declaration saying you're more

credible than your far more commercially
successful and better looking ex

-girlfriend?

You could do that.

No.

Listen, you're just going to have to
trust me on this one, Henry.

I need this too, okay? Like, I really
need this.

You're literally my only client at this
point, so if this book doesn't sell, I

might actually have to take over my
dad's camper van business.

Wait, what do you mean I'm your only
client? I thought your ex -wife was

a memo about her failed netball career.
Well, apparently she met some life's

imbalance reincarnation coach on TikTok
who reframed her inability to land a

shot at some kind of gift to keep him
afloat, so now she wants to join the

national volleyball team. I mean, Aiden,
hurry up! Coming!

Sorry, sorry, sorry, hey.

The market analysis took longer than I
expected, eh? Oh, good.

So, I also ran the video of your pitch
for time on travel through my facial

mapping software, right? And you, my
friend, exhibited a trust rating of 7

of 10.

No, that's really good. That's really
good. The Maxout team at KiwiBank can

before an RFP is like 5 .3. And we're
supposed to be the good bank. See?

Hilary, they're gonna love you. And your
manuscript is... A pale comparison to

GravityNet.

GravityNet. Come on, you haven't heard
the buzz around gravity yet?

Guys.

You and Yang Yang yesterday, right?

This is about a league of superheroes
who are tasked with protecting the

universe's intergalactic internet.

Yeah, it's stored inside gravity.

I mean, it's very much in the same base
as your time and travel, but it's, you

know, much more emotionally engaging.

Here's the thing, Harry. Henry.

Henry? I don't meet with writers unless
I'm willing to work with them.

In her shadow.

Think about it.

A cool, edgy, cynical breakdown of Yang
Yang's right -to -starting, eh? Told

from the perspective of her jaded but
underrated ex -partner slash

eh? Whose career has... No side slash.

combustors, um, post breakup.

But we're also looking for someone to
help ghost write a memoir for an Asian

athlete who's, uh,

reinventing the game.

My client will think about it.

Thanks. You're welcome.

This doesn't even make sense.

You can't embed data inside gravity.

For one, it's not some instantaneous
force. It travels at the same speed of

light like every other force in physics.
So her version of the intergalactic

internet will be slow as shit.

I don't get how she keeps edging me out.

I think maybe you should take some time.

I'm not doing it, Jen. Why not?

Because. Dignity.

Integrity. Yeah, right. Sorry.

Well, I guess I can reach out to some
other publishers. You don't understand.

don't have time.

The second date ultimatum. Oh, bro,
you're screwed.

Okay, okay.

Right, so, like, all you gotta do is
just, like, suck up a second date. Yeah.

No! Why not?

Cos, do you know what a second date
leads to? A third date. And then before

know it, Auntie Linda had you trapped
inside a joint mortgage for some off

-plan unit her cousin's flipping, and
it's game over.

Well, then just make it a joint venture.

What? Well, you go to Auntie Linda's and
you have to look through her books.

Then you find someone who hates these
dates just as much as you do, but who

has parents to her piece just as much as
you have.

Statistically speaking, her family
Tinder universe is big enough for your

conjugate needs -to -once doppelganger
to exist. You just have to procure it.

Aiden? Yeah?

You're a freaking genius.

You're a freaking genius!

Why can't I pick?

Henry, do you know why I'm the number
one matchmaker in Avondale?

It's because I know about the CD... Oh,
the what?

Collateralized debt obligations.

You see, I separate my candidates into
two tranches.

There's a good tranche for the AAA rated
candidates who are very respectful of

my family setups.

They meet, they marry, everybody's
happy.

Restaurant business is good.

Then there's the bad tranche.

For the unceded, high -default junk
candidates whose parents send them back

every week with no luck.

But, as long as I keep the two tranches
separate, the bad tranche never affects

the outcome of the good tranche. And my
CDO never defaults.

I should run a bank.

Yeah, or I can make a Chinese
restaurant.

Very funny.

Guess which tranche you're in.

Exactly. So, no, you don't get to choose
who your next date will be, Henry.

You're lucky I haven't banned you
permanently.

Like you've ever banned anyone
permanently.

It happened just last week.

To who?

She's a skin doctor.

Here comes the past explosion.

Technically, I'm a dermatologist.

But, whatever.

Melissa, don't look at me. Don't give me
a phone.

You're asking me to apologize to Aunt
Linda today.

Why? Just because they're dumb dates and
their families can't handle the

authenticity of my female dermatologist
with Tyler's YouTube channel?

No offense, Ellen.

You're a good friend.

Oh, thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Wu.

Sock up.

She

left

home three years ago.

And she's not camping at the backyard
every time she visits.

Ellie, look.

Mandy and her family are visiting from
LA.

See, my grandson, he's so cute.

They're so happy together.

Not like Melissa.

All over the place.

Whenever, wherever, like a Shakira song.

I love that song. I want you to
immediately go to Auntie Linda.

Apologize. Go.

Now. Fine.

Where are you going? To apologize?

What up, motherfuckers?

I don't know why I said the things I
said I don't know why I did the things I

did

She's good.

I'm lucky I

didn't set you up with her.

Can you imagine?

What kind of crush it would be if you
two went on a second date?

Okay, fine. You caught me.

I live at home too.

But unlike Henry here, I'm still getting
laid.

Oh, yeah.

Melissa, no.

I am a Spanish teacher.

I'm going to speak Spanish again.

I'm going to talk to you.

Gael, relax, okay?

I'm in Crimea.

Quick.

What did you say?

Never mind.

You are teaching me about the Spanish
language? You're teaching me that the

Spanish language is 95 % body language.

No, Melissa.

Spanish is 100 % feeling.

Sentimiento.

Milika, the energy,

this feeling, it's so beautiful.

We must continue this feeling, but not
now, I have glass.

Meet me here tonight.

It's warm.

We'll continue this feeling.

Hola. Hey, Melissa, who is Ola?

What's up, Mom?

You don't believe it.

Your karaoke apology song works.

Auntie Linda set up another date.

6 .30 tonight.

Tonight?

Mom, Mom.

So, Melissa, what made you decide?

Oh,

Henry.

Well...

My therapist said that I might be a
sadomasochist, and if I really wanted

I should quit my job, move home, and let
my parents take me on these families

interdates.

Melissa also not in therapy.

How exciting.

I wish there was chichet when we were
younger.

It's easier to write down here.

Yeah, okay.

That sounds great.

Mom, Dad, is that okay?

Yes, sure.

Great, great.

Did you

see the look on their faces?

I know, right? They must be so confused
right now.

Yeah, and Auntie Linda's probably
telling the whole restaurant what a

matchmaker she is.

Hey, um,

listen, now that you're back on Aunt
Lindy's books, you're probably going to

have to go back on these family setups
again, right?

Probably. At least until she bans me
again.

Okay, well, what if we did this again?

Excuse me?

Look, here's the thing. I really need a
second date to avoid getting kicked out

of home, and I thought, you know, since
you clearly hate these as much as I do,

maybe we could help each other out.

By going on a second date.

Yeah. Or, like, a pretend second date,
if that helps.

You know, I pick you up, drop you
somewhere, you do you, and then I take

home. And then we all have one less of
Aunt Linda's family set -up to worry

about.

So, what do you say?

Sorry, not into it.

Oh, come on, why not?

Because I'm not in the business of
giving out favours, and it seems like

need this more than I do.

But I like the idea.

Let me know how it ends.

Hey.

Oh, hey.

They're beautiful, no?

Do you know the orphans live in highly
sophisticated polyamorous families that

last for generations?

Incredible, no?

Well, they also rape, but... Melissa!

No. Who told you this?

Shh.

She did not mean it.

It's okay.

Melissa, I want to ask you something.

I want you to join my communal, holistic
screener society, inspired by these

beautiful creatures.

It's only for people in long -term,
committed relationships.

So before you say yes,

do you think a partner will be
interested?

My partner?

What? Oh, no, he... Wait, are you in a
long -term committed relationship?

Yeah, of course.

Is

that

your cute boyfriend in the car?

At least she liked the idea.

If it wasn't for the super hot Spanish
guy, it would have been all good.

It wasn't that hot.

At least, not on the Spanish scale.

Oh, right.

You think I can crush you from tomorrow?

Yeah, of course.

Stay as long as you want.

Thanks.

And you know, Henry, it might not be
such a bad idea to write that book about

Yang Yang. You could pay your parents
some rent, maybe clear up some

feelings. Unresolved feelings?

Bro, come on.

You have been pretty obsessed with
outdoing Yang Yang ever since she dumped

and went solo.

Okay. First, me and Yang Yang agreed to
part ways because of artistic

differences. And I stand by those
differences.

And two, if anyone here has unresolved
feelings, it's you and your ex -wife who

you never should have married in the
first place. Oh!

Ouch.

Sorry.

It's okay.

I mean, you're not wrong.

You know...

I think this date tonight's kind of
tripped you up.

What? I mean, can you feel it?

There is clearly something going on
here.

Oh, my God.

Henry, you like her.

What? Melissa, you like her. Guys, can
we be serious here? I'm about to be

evicted tomorrow, and this is an
existential crisis I'm facing here.

We are being serious.

Oh, hang on.

Hello? Hey, honey.

I'm all done.

You can pick me up now.

Melissa? Just shut up and get over here.

See you soon.

Bye.

Hey,

babe.

Yeah.

Okay, what the hell just happened there?
Pull over.

What? I said pull over.

So the second date, if I said yes, you'd
go with me anywhere, right?

What? Anywhere, like a special event,
yes or no?

Fine, whatever, sure. Okay, good.

We can roll it out tomorrow.

And this is... No strings attached,
okay?

Zero commitment.

Uh, you can take me home now.

Okay, what the hell is actually
happening here?

It was your suggestion.

Yeah, sure, but are you, like, seeing
someone? Okay, Henry, if we're gonna do

this, let's keep it on a need -to -know
basis, okay?

Strictly professional.

Well, I need to know that I can walk
away from this cleanly.

Look... As much as I need the second
date, I'm not about to just blindly jump

into someone else's trap and somehow you
don't seem like the type to let your

parents drag you out onto these family
Tinder dates for no reason.

Well, maybe I'm just lost for a better
idea.

Really? Maybe.

What's it for you?

I just want to know why you're doing
this.

Why? Because if we're going to do this
professionally, then I think it's only

fair we're both transparent about what
we're getting out of it.

Just so there's no room for
misinterpretation.

Fine.

I'm saving up to move overseas.

Permanently. My parents don't know yet
and I'd like to keep it that way until

I'm gone.

I'm thinking Chile or Argentina,
somewhere where I can be a Patagonian

something. You want to be a South
American cowboy?

Why? Do you think that's stupid?

No. No, I think that's kind of
beautiful, actually.

Or at the very least, it's poetic.

Maybe even a bit spiritual.

Well, thanks.

We can go now.

Yeah, sure.

Hey, Henry.

Yeah? Not a word to your parents until I
brief you, okay?

Sure.

Okay, so maybe he wasn't such a loser.

Just a useful idiot who could help iron
out a slightly tricky situation.

I told him to lay low in the morning
until I figured out a cover story for

strictly one -off arrangement.

Unfortunately, things didn't go exactly
as I planned.

Harry, congratulations!

You have a girlfriend?

We're just so happy for you.

How did you do it?

We want to hear everything.

What the hell did you say?

My parents are out there doing victory
laps, crying about how I got a

girlfriend. Hey, chill out, hombre.

My parents just overreacted.

I mean, there might have been a slight
misinterpretation. A misinterpretation?

You said there's no strings attached.
Now we're a couple.

Hey, relax, guy. We'll darling back,
okay? I'm working on it. Melissa!

Crap, gotta go.

Melissa!

Hey, wait.

I guess the truth is, we're all paying a
price for living at home in our 30s.

But one miscalculation, and the price
goes way up.

If

I

knew it was going to cost this much, I
would have just gotten a real boyfriend.

.