Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,160
HEARTBEAT THUDS
2
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:05,360
Oh, forgive me, sisters.
3
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,680
Hi, Alison! Happy birthday!
4
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,120
Keep an eye on Kath.
I think she's losing it.
5
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:15,320
If we go down, he goes down.
6
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,800
It's always the secrets.
There's a man dead!
7
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,240
Head Over Heels
by Tears For Fears
8
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,360
MUSIC STOPS
9
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,760
HE CHUCKLES
What's with the beehive?
10
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:09,000
It's Alison's 18th birthday party,
not a bloody fancy dress.
11
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,920
Martin, do you still fancy me?
12
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,280
Course I do.
13
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,640
I used to be Miss Stockport.
14
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:16,960
What happened to me?
15
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,360
What the hell are you on about?
16
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,160
Just worried the magic's gone.
17
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,760
What, cos I haven't sawn you in half
for a couple of weeks
18
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:25,560
or pulled a rabbit out of a hat?
19
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,480
I'm not Paul pissing Daniels.
20
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,560
And you're no Debbie McGee.
21
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,240
Oh, chicken,
I think the world of you.
22
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,920
I mean, would I be living
in this shithole if I didn't?
23
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:38,080
Right.
24
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,360
Hey.
25
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,360
Everything's going to be all right.
26
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:42,720
I'm going to get back on my feet,
27
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,480
and things are going to be
better than ever.
28
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,200
How?
We're cold-blooded killers, Martin.
29
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,400
Yeah.
30
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,480
But all I'm saying is,
with Sandy out of the picture,
31
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,040
I can get back in the picture.
32
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:54,800
Trust the process.
33
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,280
Are you making a brew or what?
34
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,560
Martin, can I have a cuddle?
35
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:03,600
Yeah.
36
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,400
Oh, right, I've got to go and phone
Alison, wish her happy birthday.
37
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,920
Well, wait for me!
SHE TUTS
38
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:15,400
LINE RINGS
39
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,120
Hey, you still have to
iron me shirt for tonight.
40
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,320
Stockport 496 0977?
41
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,520
Hi, Di, it's Martin.
42
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,400
Oh, I've been thinking about what
you said last night about Kath.
43
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,080
Er, yeah,
we thought it was chilly out too.
44
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,160
Can I speak to the birthday girl?
45
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,560
Oh, she's not here. She stayed
overnight last night with Kim.
46
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,280
What, you allowed her
to stay out overnight?
47
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,880
And you're all right with that?
Oh, yes. It's fine.
48
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,160
Hiya, how you feeling?
49
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:41,040
Oh, hi, Kath! Oh, yes, you know,
tickety-boo. You?
50
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,360
"Tickety-boo"?!
51
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,840
I'm a bag of nerves, Di.
52
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,040
So am I. I don't know why I said it.
I've not slept a wink.
53
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,320
I'm on my third batch of quiches.
Same.
54
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,400
Well, not the quiches.
I'm just doing us toast.
55
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,560
Yeah, I've been to the corner shop,
I've checked all the papers -
56
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,520
nothing.
No-one's even clocked he's missing.
57
00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,560
Oh, poor Sandy.
Yeah, he'll be landfill now.
58
00:02:58,560 --> 00:02:59,680
Poor Jean.
59
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:00,960
Frig Jean.
60
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,320
She's off having it off with
Bjorn Borg, couldn't give two shits.
61
00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,560
All right. Now, remember -
we keep shtoom until tomorrow,
62
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,560
when, Diane,
you report Sandy as missing.
63
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:08,760
Oh, no, I can't do that, Martin.
64
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,520
I've not even started
on my butterfly cakes.
65
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,280
She's on her third lots of quiches,
Martin. She's exhausted.
66
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,200
I am! And I've got to go
and supervise the stock-take. Oh.
67
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,920
Sandy was going to do it, poor man,
but he'll never stock-take again.
68
00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,800
Well, I tell you what, I'll go into
Parker's and hold the fort for you.
69
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,520
You-you-you don't need to worry
about a thing -
70
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,000
you can't be going in like this.
71
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,520
Well, what's that
going to look like?
72
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,320
No Sandy,
and you turning up out of the blue.
73
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,360
Well, I'll just say
I'm doing Sandy a favour,
74
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,160
I mean, what are they going to do?
They can't ask him.
75
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:34,560
Oh, it's all too much, isn't it?
76
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,920
Well, if you think it'd work,
it'd be a great help,
77
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,880
and then I can get going
on my egg and cress.
78
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,880
Oh, but what will Tom...?
KNOCK AT DOOR
79
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,440
Oh, my God there's
someone at the door! Oh, God.
80
00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,080
They've come for me! This is it!
Keep calm.
81
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,920
They wouldn't knock, Di! They'd kick
your bastard door down! Yeah.
82
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,600
KNOCKING CONTINUES
83
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:57,600
If you don't hear from me,
tell the kids I love them. Yeah.
84
00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:00,200
Oh, and stick the quiches on 180
for 30 mins.
85
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,240
Oh!
86
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:04,680
Oh!
87
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:10,920
Oh, God.
88
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,080
Oh!
89
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,120
SHE GASPS
90
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,920
Oh, God.
91
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,160
Oh, Vinnie.
I'm not properly dressed.
92
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:26,480
I'm mid-buffet.
93
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,120
You left without saying goodbye.
94
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,680
I know, I'm so sorry.
95
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,160
I was having such a lovely time
and you're so lovely.
96
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,360
It's just, erm...
Well, there was an emergency.
97
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,840
Erm...
98
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,440
You awoke something inside me
last night,
99
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,280
and I can't stop thinking about you.
100
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,320
Ditto.
101
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,560
If you want me to go, I'll go,
102
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,320
but I wouldn't mind finishing
what finishing what we started...
103
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,440
..if you want me to.
104
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,000
Sweat
by Inner Circle
105
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,040
I want.
106
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,320
Oh! Oh! Oh, Vinnie! Oh!
107
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,120
Well, Diane Parker...
108
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,280
..you're a dark horse.
109
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,880
I mean, it takes some
to shock Mr Skip between the sheets,
110
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,240
I can tell you. But you?
111
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,120
Wow! Ten out of ten.
112
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:14,200
Oh, sorry, it's a cup, just to stop
you getting ash on the eiderdown.
113
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,360
Oh, Vinnie, I'm so, so sorry.
114
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,640
You don't have to apologise.
It's only a few scratches.
115
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,280
I don't know what came over me.
116
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,320
I ravaged you, didn't I?
Mm-hm.
117
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,560
Oh!
118
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,240
It was like a sexual awakening.
119
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,640
Oh, but I can't do this -
th-th-that - again.
120
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:42,240
Oh, no, it was...
It was very, very pleasant.
121
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,280
Oh, it was mind-blowing,
let's face it. But...
122
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,400
..I can't be in a relationship
with you right now.
123
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,640
Cos of Martin?
124
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:51,680
And Kath.
125
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,760
We've got ourselves into
a bit of a situation.
126
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,800
Wow! Continental.
127
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,200
Well, I don't mind your sister,
128
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,520
but I absolutely
draw the line at Martin.
129
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,560
No way, not for me. No way...
130
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:06,760
Oh, no, no. Oh, no, absolutely
not that. No. Lordy no. No.
131
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,000
SHE CHUCKLES
132
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,200
I've got myself into
a bit of a mess,
133
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,240
and I don't want to
drag you into it. I'm very sorry.
134
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,240
Now put your trousers on and...
135
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:19,040
..I'll get you some Germolene.
136
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,800
Lessons In Love
by Level 42
137
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:25,720
Kath, where is this minibus?
138
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,920
If it's not back pronto,
I'm going to have to report it.
139
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,240
Yeah, yeah.
Here tomorrow, I promise.
140
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:39,040
I knew it'd be you.
I saw it in a vision.
141
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,560
Did you now?
142
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,520
That and you booked in
for a trim last week.
143
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,440
Well, the spirits say no.
144
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:48,040
It's here on your calendar, Mo.
Next to "Chiropodist".
145
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,880
Did you manage to
get your toenails done?
146
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,320
They had started to look
like pork scratchings.
147
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,640
Come on, give us your palm.
148
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,080
No more freebies. Cash only.
149
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,760
How many times
have we spoke about this, mate?
150
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,000
I see a sandy beach...
151
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,160
Sandy?
Oh, very sandy.
152
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,200
Pissing hell.
153
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,800
Oh, hey.
These are a bit rough, Kath.
154
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,000
Bit like a docker's.
155
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,360
Oh...all right
156
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:12,720
What's the problem, my darling?
157
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,320
Where do I start, Mo?
158
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:15,880
Not you.
159
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,560
Yes, yes, yes.
160
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:20,640
Yes, I'm telling her.
161
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,400
Who is it?
It's a man.
162
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,160
He's got a lovely face.
163
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,400
Yeah.
164
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:28,680
Likes his music.
165
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,600
Yeah, yeah. Well, he does.
Well, he...he did.
166
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,520
HE CHUCKLES
Worked on the buses?
167
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,160
No, no, I don't...
I don't think so.
168
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:38,520
Big fat ankles.
169
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:39,960
Spits of Dickie Davis.
170
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,760
No. Oh, no. No.
171
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,560
It's, erm...Harry?
172
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,840
No, I don't know a Harry.
173
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,160
Larry?
174
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,760
No.
175
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,440
Gary?
176
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,560
Barry?
177
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,960
No, you're...
You're way off now, Mo.
178
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,120
Ask your mum - she knows.
179
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,280
Why don't you ask her?
180
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,280
You've more chance
of speaking to her than I have!
181
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,200
Ey up, there's...there's some...
182
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,440
He's with somebody else.
183
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:07,760
Is this one Sandy?
184
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,360
If you like.
HE CHUCKLES
185
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,040
Ooh, he's crying.
186
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,240
Well, he would be, Mo.
187
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,360
He's doing something. Oh, aye, aye.
188
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,960
Smoking.
189
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,400
Oh!
190
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,720
I never imagined
they'd smoke in heaven.
191
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:20,880
It's good to know, that, yeah.
192
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,000
They can do what they like up here,
he says.
193
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,960
He's having
a right laugh.
194
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,280
Will you tell him I'm sorry?
195
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:32,600
He says that a dog what licks
gets more than a dog what barks.
196
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:36,840
But don't forget to bark.
197
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,160
If you know what I mean.
198
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,600
Right, so I need to bark.
199
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,920
Fess up.
200
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,760
Yeah.
201
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,040
That's bob on, that.
202
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:47,480
Thanks, Mo.
203
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,200
Thank you, Sandy.
204
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,320
Are you going to do me hair, then,
or what?
205
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:55,680
DOOR OPENS
206
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:56,720
Guess what?
207
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,000
Gladys, guess what?
Oh!
208
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,960
I've just had a reading
from Mystic Mo,
209
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,640
and I've got to tell you summat.
210
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:08,320
Mystic Mo? Oh, don't listen to him.
They've upped his meds.
211
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:12,000
He was by the bins
chatting to Elvis, Monday.
212
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,160
Come, budge over.
213
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:16,200
Let's get cosy.
214
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,280
Ooh! Oh, bloody hell, Gladys.
You're freezing.
215
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,720
I can't get warm.
Just got back from Norma's funeral.
216
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:24,880
Shit, I forgot.
217
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,640
No do after or nothing.
218
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,360
Bloody shame.
219
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,880
Aw, and she loved a good knees-up
and all, didn't she? Uh-huh.
220
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,280
Do you remember her 70th?
221
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,760
Got absolutely pie-eyed,
thrutching all over Cliff Bibby.
222
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:37,920
Nearly crushed him!
223
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,880
Oh-ho!
224
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,800
I don't want a fuss when I go.
Aww.
225
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,200
Just sling me in bin bag
and bury me out the back.
226
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,440
Oh, for God's sake.
You're going nowhere.
227
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,800
Your disco days
aren't over yet, Glad. Mm.
228
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:52,840
Gladys...
229
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,000
..do you believe
in life after death?
230
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,480
Do you think I could live here
if I did?
231
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,080
I wouldn't get a minute's peace.
232
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,440
DOOR OPENS
I think I might be going to hell.
233
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,160
Go to hell for what?
234
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,200
Nothing.
235
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,880
I'm going down the town hall,
now we've got some momentum.
236
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,720
I wondered if you wanted
to come with, Glad. Bang some pans.
237
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,800
Oh, I'd have loved that,
but not today.
238
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:17,480
I am absolutely buzzing
after yesterday.
239
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,680
We got arrested, Gladys.
240
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,760
It was absolutely brilliant,
wasn't it, Kath?
241
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,080
What's wrong?
242
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,200
Right...
243
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,760
..the spirits say I need to
get something off my chest.
244
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,480
So I'm going to
tell you both summat now,
245
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,680
but promise me you won't get mad?
Right, what's wrong, love?
246
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,400
Me, Diane, and Martin
might have killed a man.
247
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,800
"Might"?
Come again?
248
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,680
Well, you have or you haven't.
249
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:44,720
Yeah, we have.
250
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,000
We definitely have.
251
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,800
All right, you lot, gather round.
Team talk.
252
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:57,080
Oi, oi, oi.
Can we lose the earring, sunshine?
253
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,760
This isn't Johnny Hates Jazz.
254
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,160
We sell middle-market
electrical goods.
255
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,280
Nobody wants to see that
dangling from your lobe
256
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,320
while they're choosing a spin dryer,
trust me.
257
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:07,920
It's just a stock-take.
We're closed. It doesn't matter.
258
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,840
That is not the attitude, Tom.
259
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,440
God.
Does your mum even do team talks?
260
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:13,480
Sometimes.
261
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,760
Sometimes? Christ on a bike.
262
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,160
You can't run a tight ship
on "sometimes".
263
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,760
All right, everyone.
Gather round. Hurry up.
264
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,080
Gary, tuck your shirt in.
265
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:27,560
Right, I am here to supervise
the stock-taking today.
266
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,000
Here on my own time...
267
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,960
..to help Sandy out.
268
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,840
The poor bloke
is going through the mill.
269
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,440
His wife's left him
for a younger man,
270
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,160
and he's had a nervous breakdown.
271
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,200
Shat himself in Iceland.
272
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,600
Hey, you didn't hear that from me,
all right?
273
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,760
But, anyway,
let's all pull together today,
274
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,840
stand proud,
and make Parker's great again.
275
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:54,320
Ah. Whose is the half-eaten
tuna bap in the fridge?
276
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,120
I've eaten it.
It was lovely, that.
277
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,880
My door's always open, you know, Di.
278
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,520
You're a wonderful woman.
279
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,040
Oh.
280
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,720
Don't forget your Germolene.
Oh, no, no, keep it.
281
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,200
It's the least I can do.
282
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,360
Oh!
283
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,600
In a skip?
284
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,120
People put all sorts in skips,
Dougie.
285
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,600
I know.
That's where I got these pans.
286
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,720
KNOCK AT DOOR
287
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:33,720
Someone in reception to see you,
Kath. A policeman.
288
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:37,200
Oh, bloody hell. Say nothing.
Not a word, Kath. Shit! Shit!
289
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,040
Run, leg it.
We'll cover for you.
290
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,920
Oh, what a day
to have a big bloody beehive.
291
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,320
Ash something or other.
Ash?
292
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,520
Said you went to school together.
293
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:50,160
He could hang his trousers
on my bed post any day of the week.
294
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,600
It's all right. It's only Ash.
295
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,040
You listen to me - not a word.
You can't trust a bizzie.
296
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,800
It's fine.
297
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,080
Thanks.
298
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,120
PRINTER WHIRS
299
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,400
Aha!
300
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,400
Nice try, Sandy.
301
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:06,440
RIP...
302
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,600
..Coopers and Co.
303
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:12,800
Shit.
304
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:18,960
My dad sent these for Dougie.
305
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,000
Aw, cigs.
306
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,240
What can you see?
Shush.
307
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,320
You don't mind, do you?
308
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,000
Me just turning up?
309
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,360
Of course not.
310
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,240
I was actually booked in to do a
tint on Doreen Clegg this afternoon,
311
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,400
but luckily she's been rushed to A&E
with chronic cystitis, so...
312
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,120
Very lucky. Yeah. Poor Doreen.
313
00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:40,560
Piss everywhere.
Oh, lovely. Glad I came.
314
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,320
I like the hairdo, by the way.
Oh!
315
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,280
Got the beehive back.
316
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,960
How's your head?
317
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,040
Yeah...
318
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:51,640
..it's all over the place.
319
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,760
No, the...bump.
320
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,360
Oh, yeah, yeah, it's fine.
It's fine.
321
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:58,600
Hard as nails, me.
322
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,480
What's she saying, Dougie?
323
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,280
I'm not a bloody lip-reader.
324
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,840
Don't you worry about me.
325
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,480
I was worried, though.
326
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,480
You know, I got home
and I couldn't stop...
327
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,680
..couldn't stop thinking about you.
328
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:14,840
Ditto.
329
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,200
I hope Martin looked after you
when you got in.
330
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,440
Was he in?
331
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,480
Yeah.
332
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,160
I heard that Mic's
a bit of a ball-buster.
333
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,280
Who's "Mick"?
334
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:30,480
Mic, his new boss.
335
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,680
Yeah, I wouldn't want to
get on the wrong side of her.
336
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,520
"Her"?
337
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:35,720
M-Mic's a woman?
338
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,640
Oh, he never said.
339
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,360
Has he not told you anything?
340
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:41,440
Nothing.
341
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,000
Oh, right.
342
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,920
Well, not like me -
you can't shut me up.
343
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,600
Lisa said she hated that about me.
344
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,440
Aww. How could she hate you?
345
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:54,400
I wish I brought me glasses.
What's she saying to him?
346
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,640
It's just me for the time being,
347
00:14:55,640 --> 00:15:00,000
so I'm treating myself to a little
trip to Spain on me Jack Jones.
348
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,160
Never been abroad, me.
Oh?
349
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,000
I have got a passport,
but never been out the drawer.
350
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,080
Me and Martin were supposed to be
going to Lanzarote. But, well...
351
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,880
..cut a long story short,
352
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,160
he went missing,
faked his own death,
353
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,840
and shacked up with the Chans, so...
354
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,120
Yeah, I heard.
355
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:19,400
Ash...
356
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,120
..I know this is weird, but...
357
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,040
..can I have a cuddle?
358
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:28,760
Yeah.
359
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,000
Oh, bloody hell.
360
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,720
He's patting her down now.
361
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,120
Oh!
Oh, my...!
362
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,000
Sorry!
Roy! Watch me beehive!
363
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,160
Bounced right off.
364
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,400
God's sake, Roy!
365
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,120
We need to help her, Dougie.
We do.
366
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,240
Oh, Kath.
367
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,880
Crucified
by Army Of Lovers
368
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,080
That toilet's blocked.
369
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,480
Hiya, love.
370
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:03,080
Forgive me, sisters.
371
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,720
And also with you.
372
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,160
Hiya!
373
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,280
Oh, hello, darling.
I thought you'd died. Ha-ha!
374
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,120
Ahoy there, sailor.
375
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:13,040
Oh, Diane, put them
vol au vents away.
376
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,320
Is that you, Matthew?
377
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,600
Surprise, surprise!
THEY LAUGH
378
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,080
Oh, here they are.
379
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,400
Go on, cheer up, darling.
Might never happen.
380
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,720
What the f...?
BIKE BELL RINGS
381
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,120
Oh! Oh, my...
382
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,440
Be careful, please, on that.
383
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:26,640
That feels dangerous.
384
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,560
It feels wrong, drinking and dancing
when there's a man dead.
385
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,360
KATH SIGHS
Keep your voice down.
386
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:38,200
Everything is going to plan.
Let's not cock it up now.
387
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,400
We just need to look like
we're enjoying ourselves for Alison.
388
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:42,760
HE MOUTHS
389
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:48,120
Alison's girlfriend seems nice,
to be fair. Very pretty face.
390
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,760
Girlfriend? No!
Not her girlfriend.
391
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,800
She's just trying to fit in
at art college.
392
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,080
"Girlfriend"! All right!
Anything to be different.
393
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,120
I mean, did you see him
on the unicycle? Tit.
394
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,600
Splash of blusher
and a little kitten heel
395
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,160
wouldn't go amiss, though,
know what I mean?
396
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:03,400
I still don't understand
397
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,600
why she didn't want her party
at the Conservative Club.
398
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,560
At the Conservative Club?
What, with this lot?
399
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:12,160
Can you imagine? No way.
They look like a bloody circus.
400
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,720
I don't think I'll ever get the
image of dead Sandy out of my head.
401
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,200
Oh, I've got a cherry!
402
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,680
Keep the change.
What?
403
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,600
What? "Keep the change"?
Yeah.
404
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,520
Who do you think you are?
Bloody Rockefeller? Eh?
405
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,440
Oh, yeah, and you still
haven't told me about this Mic.
406
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:26,560
Well, there's nowt to tell.
407
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,560
Well, you didn't tell me
Mic was a lady Mic.
408
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,600
What is this, love, 20 questions?
Don't mind me.
409
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,520
I'll just go and check
on Uncle Dennis and Auntie Rose.
410
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,520
Yeah, I think I'll follow you.
411
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,120
Why are you following her now?
412
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:38,800
Oh, come on, chicken.
What is wrong now?
413
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,840
Oh, what's wrong with me?
Oh, let me think.
414
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,240
What on earth
could be wrong with me?
415
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,480
It's the secrets, Martin!
It's always the secrets!
416
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,120
And now you're swanning about town
with this fancy new lady boss
417
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:51,400
without telling me.
It's not like that. I've quit.
418
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,840
I've gone back to Parker's.
419
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:57,040
Actually, today went very well.
They were very delighted to see me.
420
00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:00,560
Look, you know I'm doing all this
for you, chicken, yeah?
421
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,720
No, I don't know, Martin.
422
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,160
I don't know what's true
and what's not any more!
423
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,640
HE LAUGHS UNCONVINCINGLY
She's crazy.
424
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:11,120
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
425
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,360
No, it's not my first choice,
either,
426
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,720
but it's very convenient
for the train station.
427
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,800
Rose, Dennis. Enjoying yourselves?
Not dancing yet?
428
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,480
It's full of woofters!
Still full of the joys, Dennis.
429
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,680
Where's Dougie? Well, he did say
he was getting the bus in, so...
430
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,000
There you are.
431
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,480
Don't leave me
on me own with him.
432
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,000
He's as dull as a butter knife.
433
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,440
And keep an eye on Kath, will you?
I think she's losing it.
434
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,440
Hi, Alison! You having
a lovely time? Happy birthday!
435
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,400
I don't think she saw me.
436
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:39,920
Eh? Watch her.
437
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,960
BELL RINGS REPEATEDLY
438
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,520
All right, Lindsay?
439
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,640
BELL RINGS REPEATEDLY
440
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:57,160
Julie!
441
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,400
Baby.
442
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:02,240
What? My mam smoke and drank
when she was preggers with me.
443
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,520
Didn't do me any harm, did it?
444
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,640
Er...what time's Tom getting here?
445
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,320
He's not.
It's his darts thing - semifinal.
446
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,320
It's been rescheduled to tonight.
447
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,640
He says Gary's jibbed out
last minute so he has to go,
448
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,400
and they think
the Body Shop's got a ringer.
449
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,360
It's his sister's birthday!
450
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:20,760
All right, why's everyone
nagging at me? I'm not nagging.
451
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,920
Between us, and I know
he's my family now and that,
452
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,400
but I did not like having Mr Parker
back in the office today.
453
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,360
You're a much better boss.
Well, thank you, Julie.
454
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:31,840
You don't mind if I skive off.
455
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,640
Er, I think you'll find that I do.
456
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,600
He had me running round
like a blue-arsed fly.
457
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,520
"Get this document,
get that document."
458
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,640
Hang on, what kind of documents?
459
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,400
He only went in for a stock-take.
460
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,240
Finance stuff, payrolls and shit.
461
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,680
I was hoping to nip off early
and get me hair done.
462
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,040
I had to tong it at my desk
in the end. Frazzled.
463
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,040
Martin,
have you got a minute?
464
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,320
Get off!
465
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,400
Oh...have you got a light, love?
466
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,080
Ah!
467
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,360
LIGHTER FLICKS
468
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:15,520
Thank you.
469
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,200
You all right, love?
Yep. Smashing.
470
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,400
Can I ask you something?
471
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:29,680
I tuck it under.
472
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,120
Beg your pardon?
473
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:33,200
It doesn't hurt. You get used to it.
474
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,440
Oh. Right. No, I was going to ask,
how tall are you?
475
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:37,640
You're like a giant.
476
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,440
Sorry, it's just usually people
ask me what I do with me tackle.
477
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,640
Oh.
Your daughter's lucky.
478
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,840
My parent's wouldn't be seen dead
anywhere near a gay bar
479
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,000
when I was 18.
I see.
480
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,840
Dad's a hairy-arsed builder,
very traditional.
481
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:50,920
And your mum?
482
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,440
Well, I've never seen her arse.
483
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,080
Oh!
484
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,400
Very quick.
I'll give you that. Very quick, eh?
485
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,360
My mum's a dinner lady.
486
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,320
I mean, I get it -
different generation.
487
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:07,120
I've been trying to understand,
I really have, but...
488
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:12,200
..she's still my little girl at the
end of the day, whatever she does.
489
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,200
Doesn't seem two minutes ago
that I was standing over her cot,
490
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,440
singing Skidamarink.
491
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,800
I mean, it's hard.
492
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,120
You worry.
493
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:25,080
This is who she is. End of.
494
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,440
The trick is
getting good people around you -
495
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,120
that can save your life.
496
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,720
I found people that saved mine.
Had to.
497
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:34,880
She's going to need you.
498
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,640
She's going to need her dad.
499
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,640
Now, you promise me
that you won't abandon her.
500
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,080
I never would.
501
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:41,760
Good. Good.
502
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,160
Hey, thank you.
503
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,520
Oh...
504
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,120
Er...
505
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:52,440
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
Honka-honka!
506
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,360
All right, darling?
507
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,600
Hey! I hope
you're enjoying yourself.
508
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,120
Aww.
509
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:07,000
You know I love you, kitten,
don't you?
510
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,840
Love you too, Dad.
Ah!
511
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,120
You, eh? Thingy.
512
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:15,960
We are very lucky.
We've got two beautiful children.
513
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,320
Well, one.
Tom's playing darts, apparently.
514
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,480
Again? He's obsessed.
515
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:22,840
I love the gays, me.
516
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,000
Oi! Give us a go with them poppers.
517
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,160
It's all about the children
at the end of the day, isn't it?
518
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,760
I mean, they're the important ones.
519
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,880
And they need their parents.
520
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,800
Do you know what I mean?
521
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,760
Oh! You two look very cosy.
522
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:39,920
Grow up, Kath.
523
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,840
Oh, Alison.
Let me give you your birthday gift.
524
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,240
It's off me and your dad.
525
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,880
I hope you kept the receipt.
Alison!
526
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,000
Bit snide, that, Alison, to be fair.
527
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,120
What? Don't take her side.
She's a slag.
528
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,360
Alison! She's not a slag.
She's your Auntie Kath.
529
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,880
That's what you called her
when she went off with dad.
530
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,160
That was different.
531
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,800
It's all right. Been called worse.
532
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,560
It was your Nana's.
She left it me when she died.
533
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,160
I always thought I'd give it
to my little girl, but...
534
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,080
..never happened, so...
535
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,040
What, a brooch? Yeah.
An old lady brooch?
536
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:16,240
Yeah, I know it's awful, but
Kath put a lot of thought into this.
537
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,160
I wanted a black Swatch watch.
538
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,080
It's fine. It's fine. Stupid idea.
Embarrassing.
539
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,200
We'll get you
the black Swatch watch.
540
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,920
What time's Dad getting here?
541
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,600
Erm...
Well, he should be here by now.
542
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,400
He never usually passes up
on a free buffet. No.
543
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,280
BELL RINGS REPEATEDLY
544
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:40,920
BELL RINGS
545
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,720
Finally. Mr Pennington,
we haven't got your bedsheet.
546
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,120
I've killed a man.
547
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:46,600
Come again?
548
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,640
I've walloped him
and I've dumped him in a skip.
549
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,080
Big business bigwig.
550
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,240
Sandy Cooper.
551
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,960
What are you on about, Dougie?
552
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,400
BELL RINGS
553
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,960
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
554
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,720
Just pretend you're having fun,
Kath.
555
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,120
Mystic Mo said Sandy's fine
now he's dead.
556
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,320
He's been fly fishing with
his great-grandad this afternoon.
557
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:13,480
Caught a trout.
558
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,400
What the heck
have you been drinking, Kath?
559
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:16,960
Not e-fucking-nough, Diane.
560
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,160
Julie said Martin was asking
a lot of questions this morning.
561
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:26,760
Wanting to know about finances
and spreadsheets and whatnot.
562
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,160
Something doesn't feel right to me.
563
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:31,960
I'm beginning to think
he's pulling our strings.
564
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,960
What's he said to you?
Nothing!
565
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:36,360
Why, what's he said to you?
566
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:38,280
Nothing. I asked you first.
567
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,160
Nothing! Nothi...
568
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:43,440
Well, not nothing.
569
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,960
He just said that,
if anything happens,
570
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,840
then it's you that's got motive with
Sandy, and it's you that'll go down.
571
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,400
Well, that's very, very shady.
572
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,240
Cos guess what? He said
exactly the same thing to me!
573
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,600
Trying to get me to agree
to frame you. No, no, no, no.
574
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,920
I think you've got the wrong end
of the stick there, Di.
575
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,920
No, I have got the right end
of the stick, Kath.
576
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,360
God, we've been so stupid,
both of us.
577
00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,520
You wouldn't have dobbed me in,
though, would you?
578
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:08,720
Cos I wouldn't have dobbed you.
579
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,120
He's not getting away
with this, Kath.
580
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:11,600
I'm going to say something.
Right.
581
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,720
Look, if we go down, he goes down.
Come on. Yeah.
582
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:15,240
Very true, I'll give you that. Yeah.
583
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,480
Huh? We're not soft, you know.
What?
584
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,240
You can't pull the wool
over our eyes.
585
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,520
I'm absolutely bouncing, Martin.
I'm bouncing!
586
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,080
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what is going on here?
587
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,160
Oh, come off it! You know!
588
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:30,760
Do you know what? I actually think
you're glad that Sandy's dead.
589
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,800
Yeah. One, two. One, two.
SHUSHING
590
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:35,280
Right, gather in, everyone.
Come on in.
591
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,000
You want to listen to him.
He's very funny.
592
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,920
Hurry up, I've got a bus to catch.
593
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,800
We're not finished
talking to you, Martin.
594
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,720
Right, Alison,
you have made yourself
595
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:46,920
a valued member of our community.
596
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,000
But that's lesbians for you,
isn't it? Get where shit can't.
597
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:51,920
That's disgusting! Come on, love.
598
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,360
You're telling me one thing,
and you're telling her another.
599
00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:57,440
We've been chatting.
Happy birthday, Alison, my darling.
600
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:58,480
Yeah, so come on. Come on.
601
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,120
How are you going to
worm your way out of this one?
602
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:03,360
Come on, then. Right, let's get
the dad up here. Here. Martin.
603
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:05,240
Come on up, love.
604
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,800
Look at him.
Here he is, the silver fox.
605
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,000
MARTIN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
606
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,720
Like if Kilroy
had a nervous breakdown.
607
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,520
Though I do have a thing
for older men -
608
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,560
euthanasia. Oh!
LAUGHTER
609
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,960
Right, girls and gays, let's have
a big hand for Alison's dad.
610
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,800
Don't clap. Don't clap.
No, I'm not clapping.
611
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,320
Thank you.
612
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,000
Very...funny lad.
613
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,200
Very dry, very quick.
614
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:38,240
Well, I am Alison's dad.
My name is Martin, Martin Parker.
615
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,680
And, er, I'd like to thank you all
for coming here tonight
616
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,720
to share in
this special celebration.
617
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,240
And, well, what can I say, Alison?
618
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,240
Me and your mum...
619
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,400
..and your Aunt Kath...
620
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,400
..are so very proud
of the woman you've become.
621
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:57,160
Beautiful, intelligent, witty. Yeah.
622
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,480
I wonder where you got that from,
eh?
623
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:00,760
SILENCE
624
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,400
Oh, look at him -
he's so full of shit.
625
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,080
How the hell did we both
fall for that?
626
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,000
You are the light of our life.
I don't know.
627
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,800
You excel in everything you do,
as we always knew you would.
628
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,640
I'm going to make a phone call. Now?
So different than you brother, Tom.
629
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,000
Just about the ending of a film.
630
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,720
What? It's just a joke.
631
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,880
Oh. Well, he's not here anyway.
He won't mind...
632
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:26,720
Sing us a song, dickhead.
633
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,240
You all right, Martin?
What?
634
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:37,480
Yeah.
635
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,960
You three are fucked.
636
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,920
There Must Be An Angel
by Eurythmics
637
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:36,480
could feel like this
638
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:41,280
and overblown with bliss
46670
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof