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1
00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:05,560
The Look
by Roxette
2
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,280
Hitting like a hammer
3
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,880
Never was a quitter
4
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,800
My nerves are shot to shit.
5
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:39,080
I should have called an ambulance.
6
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:42,320
This is mad.
7
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,160
I'm going to call an ambulance.
8
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,320
I'm fine!
Argh, Jesus, Kath!
9
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,960
You nearly gave me a heart attack.
Sorry.
10
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,000
We've got to sort out that gash.
KATH SNIGGERS
11
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,640
Oh, grow up!
12
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,800
Here, I've got some plasters
in my drawer.
13
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,480
It's absolutely pissing out.
14
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,760
Actually, now that I've got you,
15
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,440
I wanted to speak to you
about Martin...
16
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:09,880
Ah, ah! I need another drink.
17
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,040
Go on, then, make mine a large.
18
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,680
Oh, bloody hell!
19
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,320
I've ripped my skirt.
20
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:19,840
You can pay for that.
21
00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,720
Good evening, ladies...
22
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,680
Oh, I'm sorry - good afternoon.
23
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,760
I'm still on Milan time!
LADIES GIGGLE
24
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,240
I have flown in
and come straight here to you
25
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,920
so you can get your hands on the
latest fashions from the catwalks.
26
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,840
Genuine leather, silk-lined.
27
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,120
You've probably seen
these in The Vogue, eh?
28
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,840
I know class when I see it, and you
ladies look like a classy bunch, eh?
29
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,400
LAUGHTER
30
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,920
Don't worry, Martin's got your back.
31
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:48,600
For one day only - it must be
the jet lag - for one day only...
32
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,880
Am I going crazy? For one day only,
I am giving you these Gucci clutches
33
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,520
for 20 quid each,
no questions asked.
34
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,080
I'll even throw in one of these
Kappa trackie tops
35
00:01:58,080 --> 00:01:59,560
for the old fella.
36
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,800
I mean, I feel like Daley Thompson
in mine.
37
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,200
I could smash 100 metres and
still go for pints with the lads.
38
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,640
And look at this.
LADIES COO
39
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,160
That is your actual Nasa technology,
yeah.
40
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,400
She knows what I'm talking about,
don't you, sweetheart?
41
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,200
How many am I putting you down for?
42
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,080
SHOP MUZAK PLAYS
43
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:28,800
Hello.
44
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,480
Oh, hello.
45
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:31,760
Veronica.
46
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,200
I'm the owner, and personal stylist.
47
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,600
Ha, ha!
48
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,040
Anything special?
I'm just browsing, thank you.
49
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,440
Special occasion?
50
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:46,920
Well, erm...
51
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,480
..yes, actually.
52
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,040
I'm going on a date.
53
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,160
Well, maybe not a date.
54
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,080
Oh, God, he probably doesn't even
think it's a date.
55
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,040
No, we're just going dancing,
no biggie...
56
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:59,080
Just...just two friends. Just...
57
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,640
Just a woman and a very
attractive man. That's it.
58
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:02,920
Oh, good for you.
59
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:06,760
So, first date. Mm.
Oh, I can't even imagine.
60
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:11,760
I've been happily married
to Geoffrey for 31 years.
61
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:13,800
Yeah. He's a barrister.
62
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,600
Well, he's retired now, but...
63
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,680
He lost his legs on a rogue
ski lift, Val-d'Isere.
64
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,320
Christmas '88. Aww. Yeah.
65
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,360
But, no. Oh, no.
66
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,400
Oh, that doesn't stop us.
67
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,800
No, I am a very, very lucky woman.
68
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:33,120
Well, he's the lucky one,
if I may say. You look incredible.
69
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:37,160
Oh, well, head-to-toe Pastiche,
you see. Always plugging. Oh!
70
00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:41,920
But also I should say, erm, I was a
semi-pro Latin and ballroom dancer,
71
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:46,480
so I am blessed with
a very fast metabolism. Yes.
72
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:50,160
I was just admiring that snazzy
little lilac suit in the window.
73
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:53,200
You don't have it in my size,
do you? What size are you?
74
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,600
12.
75
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,400
I don't think so!
76
00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,680
VERONICA LAUGHS
77
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,720
And you're wearing the wrong bra
for a start!
78
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,440
No! That's not going to fit
across your bust.
79
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,520
It's French sizing.
80
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,120
I don't know where to start,
Veronica.
81
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,960
I'm sort of looking for the allure
of Princess Di,
82
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,000
but with the sass of Fergie.
83
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,160
Cos, well, for the first time
in years
84
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,800
things are starting to look up
85
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:25,120
and I think I need a wardrobe
to showcase the new me.
86
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,720
Do you know what I mean?
87
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,000
No.
88
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,800
But, you know, I get a lot of
frumpy middle-aged ladies like you
89
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:35,440
coming in here, saying "Oh, I feel
fat," and, "I feel plain,"
90
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,400
you know? Or kind of worthless.
91
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,760
But not you,
because you're embracing it.
92
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:42,080
Thank...you?
93
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,520
Come on, let's get you Pastiched.
94
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,600
This way.
95
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,120
TOILET FLUSHES
96
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:54,360
Listen, soz about the awards do.
97
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,800
I was a little bit pissed
and I hadn't eaten.
98
00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,480
You bit a man!
It was self-defence.
99
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:01,680
SANDY SCOFFS
100
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,160
What's the craic here, anyway?
101
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,440
What do you mean?
102
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:08,120
Hmm... It's a hotel room,
there's a camping stove,
103
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,880
a rowing machine and a strimmer.
104
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,800
I'm no Kojak,
but are you living here?
105
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,320
It's complicated.
106
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:15,960
Hmm... Not really.
107
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,280
They're either your skiddy undies
on the floor or they're not.
108
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:19,800
Fuckin' 'ell!
109
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,160
I'm not as thick as I look,
Sandy. Come on...
110
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:23,440
SHE PATS THE SOFA
111
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,160
Come on, have a seat.
112
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,600
That's it. Oh...
113
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:28,800
Steady.
114
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,360
Come on, now. OK. Well...
115
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,680
..thing is, me and me wife, Jean,
we, erm...
116
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:35,840
Oh, she's chucked you out.
117
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,840
No! No, she's not chucked me out.
118
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,920
We're just having a little
break, all right?!
119
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,840
All right. Touchy.
120
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,400
Yeah, well, she has been touchy.
121
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,720
A bit too bloody touchy
if you ask me.
122
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,440
Yeah, I caught her red-handed
with her tennis coach.
123
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,720
Slip of a lad, he's only 33.
124
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,160
33! Pfft!
125
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,880
Fair play to her.
126
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,080
It's my own fault.
127
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,800
I've been that busy trying
to sort Diane out at Parker's,
128
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,120
I took my eye off the ball.
129
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,440
I wouldn't mind,
but she's crap at tennis.
130
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,840
I've told her that for years.
Waste of my money.
131
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,920
I've basically been pimping her out.
132
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,160
I'm heartbroken about it,
tell you the truth.
133
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:12,520
Oh, bless you.
134
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,320
Look, while I've got you...
135
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,600
She'll probably go back to being
a Hackman now. Who will?
136
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:21,720
Jean, if she divorces me.
Hackman's her maiden name.
137
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,040
Nigh-on 30 years
we've been together.
138
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,640
Jean Hackman?!
139
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,120
Piss off!
140
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,280
Three beautiful kids,
two German Shepherds
141
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,720
and a ten-grand conservatory
pissed up the wall.
142
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,040
Like the film star?
143
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,840
I'm not coping well without her.
144
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,000
Aww! No, no shit, Sandy.
145
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,840
You're living in a scuzzy
hotel room.
146
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,960
It friggin' stinks in here.
147
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,800
Crack open the window,
spray some Glade.
148
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,840
Yeah, you're right.
You're right!
149
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,120
I don't know why
I'm telling you all this.
150
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,520
Well, I've been told
I'm a very good listener.
151
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,680
Well, you have to be
in my line of work, you see.
152
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,360
People just seem to want
to open up to me, you know?
153
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,760
They do. They really do.
154
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,040
You know what you need?
155
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,680
You need some Sandy time.
156
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,200
Now, let me tell you about...
No, no, no, no.
157
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,320
Listen, I've said
too much already, OK?
158
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,960
Just forget about it.
Forget about it, OK?!
159
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,120
You probably...probably need to be
getting off anyway, don't you?
160
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,200
Do...? It's getting late, so..
161
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,400
Oh...
162
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,800
Oh, God, Sandy,
I've just gone dead dizzy.
163
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,920
Oh, no. Should I...?
164
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,960
Should I order us some room service?
165
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,760
Yeah! Yeah, why not, eh?
166
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,800
Yeah! And I can whack us
some beans on.
167
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,680
CAMPING STOVE IGNITES
Perfect!
168
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,360
SANDY CHUCKLES
169
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,400
Enjoy, thank you very much.
170
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,280
Yes, love? You've gone for red too.
Popular colour.
171
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,520
Thank you. Thank you.
172
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:47,920
Yes, love?
173
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,760
Yes, you can.
174
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,040
Here you go. Thank you.
175
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:56,280
Yeah, I'm going to be here tomorrow,
so tell all your friends and family.
176
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:59,160
Come on, lady.
It's catwalk time.
177
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,120
I don't think it's me, Veronica.
178
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,880
That's because you've forgotten
who your me is.
179
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,240
I don't think so.
I'm coming in.
180
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,400
Oh, yes.
181
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,840
Stunning!
182
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,760
Now, that would not look out
of place at a captain's table.
183
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,320
It's very shiny.
184
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,560
You see the thing is, his ex
was very young, very beautiful.
185
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:25,960
Very young.
186
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,760
How do I compete with that?
187
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,760
You can't.
188
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,880
I love the fascinator.
PHONE RINGS
189
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,080
Oh, sorry, that'll be work.
190
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,560
Oh, I don't get a minute.
191
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,240
Hello.
192
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,640
I can't hear you.
193
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,000
Guess what?
Look, is this important, Julie?
194
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,320
I'm in the middle of something.
195
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,440
So am I.
this is my fourth Mini Milk today.
196
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,280
Tell a lie - fifth.
What do you want?
197
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,280
Hang on, I wrote it down.
Oh, God...
198
00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:00,280
Er, nappies, 20 Silk Cut...
199
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,160
Not that, wrong side.
200
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,800
Er, Kath's been run over.
201
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,680
Sandy thinks he's killed her.
Oh, my God! Where are they?!
202
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,400
Just tell me where they are, Julie!
203
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,720
You're better off without her,
Sandy.
204
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:18,280
Curly fries on tap?
It's an absolute dream.
205
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,360
They must have a little machine.
206
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,800
Not a patch
on Portuguese food, though.
207
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,280
Jean's favourite.
208
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,280
You can get a full English
most places.
209
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,800
The bacon's a bit ropey,
but the eggs are like nectar.
210
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,680
Jean won't have her egg touch
her beans, you know?
211
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:36,560
No, no, no, she's very funny
about it.
212
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:39,480
We need to build a sausage wall.
Hmm.
213
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:43,880
I bet you do. We like this one place
in Vilamoura - The Copper Kettle.
214
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,160
They have a brilliant singer on,
woman from Keswick.
215
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,640
She does Bassey,
she does Tina Turner.
216
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,360
We get up, we have a boogie.
217
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:51,760
Aw, I love dancing, me.
218
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,120
I miss her so much.
219
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,680
Who, the woman from Keswick?
220
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,240
No! Jean!
221
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,840
Do you know what?
You've surprised me, Sandy.
222
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:05,240
I've seen a lovely, tender side
to you today. It's very caring.
223
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,160
But let's be honest -
you can be a proper bastard.
224
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,320
Well, you've surprised me and all,
if you don't mind me saying.
225
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,600
You're a lovely woman, Kath.
226
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,320
Not my cup of tea but, er...
227
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,600
Hey, every pan has its lid.
228
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:23,120
And I think Martin's been
a bastard to you, and Diane. Mm.
229
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:25,960
Speaking of Martin...
230
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,080
..I really need you to give him
a job, Sandy.
231
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,000
Pff, over my dead body!
232
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,720
But he's changed.
Poppycock!
233
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,520
A man like him'll never change.
234
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,560
He threatened me with a 9-iron
this morning. Did you know that?
235
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:39,840
No, I didn't.
236
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,240
But other than that...
237
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,320
No. He's finished round here.
238
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,480
I just need you to give him a...
239
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:52,800
Actually... Yeah, actually I am
doing this for you and for Jean.
240
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,360
Do you want her back or what?
241
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,440
What's my Jean got to do
with Martin Parker?
242
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,440
Well, you said yourself that
you took your eye off the ball.
243
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,160
Jean's the ball.
244
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,800
You need to spend less time working
245
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,400
and more time playing
with your ball -
246
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,560
with Jean, yeah?
247
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,720
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, maybe.
248
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,920
Ahh.
Anyway, look, you've drunk me dry!
249
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,880
Sod it, I'm going to order
some more booze.
250
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,520
This has been just what
I needed today.
251
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,080
Get some more curly fries
while you're at it.
252
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,360
And then, we will chat again later.
253
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:29,880
Kelly-Sue, it's Sandy in 106.
254
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,360
Can we get some more curly fries,
please?
255
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,120
Oh! Oh...
256
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,000
Excuse me. My sister,
Kath Pennington,
257
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,200
she's been in an accident.
Is she still here?
258
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,560
We've no accidents listed,
259
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,840
unless she was here last week
on a stag do
260
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,000
and singed her testicles
on a trouser press.
261
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,320
Well, what about a Mr Sandy Cooper?
Is he here?
262
00:11:58,440 --> 00:11:59,800
Cooper...
263
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,040
Come on.
264
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,280
Room 106.
265
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,520
Thank you! And don't fiddle
with the trouser press!
266
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,080
No!
267
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,360
Wahey!
268
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,800
Kath, power's on,
we're back in business.
269
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,360
And I have got some fantastic news.
270
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,760
I've just gone and got myself
an executive sales role.
271
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,760
There's going to be big money
in this.
272
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:25,520
Oh, and I've taken one of Joe
O'Leary's sexy pills to celebrate,
273
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,920
so prepare yourself, chicken.
ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS
274
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,160
Chicken?
275
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,000
You have two new messages.
276
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,760
Oi, Martin where's my minibus?
You're a cheeky twa...
277
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,720
Message deleted.
278
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:41,320
Hiya, Mr Parker - Martin. Still
can't get used to calling you that.
279
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:42,640
Kath...?!
280
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,120
Diane told me to ring you to tell
you that Sandy's run Kath over...
281
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:48,240
What?! She might be dead,
but we don't quite know yet.
282
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,720
At the Grand Hotel.
That's what I've written down.
283
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,600
Shit! I really hope
he hasn't killed her,
284
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,280
I do like Kath,
but that's all I know.
285
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:55,720
Diane's on her way now.
286
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,760
OK, Mr Parker...
Martin!
287
00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,760
Oh, it's Julie, by the way.
Thank you.
288
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,120
ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS
289
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,200
For some reason
I can't get Granada,
290
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,960
but other than that,
it's a cracking picture.
291
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,000
Well, you know
who's good with tellies...
292
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,560
KNOCK AT DOOR
Oh, that'll be the room service.
293
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:12,000
Do you mind getting that, love?
294
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,120
It's just the old waterworks
aren't what they were.
295
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,760
FRANTIC KNOCKING
Right, I'm coming, I'm coming.
296
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,720
I'm coming, OK.
297
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,640
Hi! Oh! Oh, thank God.
298
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,960
Oh, I thought you were dead!
Oh, God, I've been worried sick!
299
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,560
Will you keep your voice down?
Sandy's on the bog.
300
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,120
Look at you! You look fabulous.
301
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,200
You look so shiny.
I love your little hat.
302
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,600
Are you hurt? Are you OK?
Oh, my God, your head.
303
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,600
Sandy told Julie he'd run you over.
Yes, well, he did, but I'm fine.
304
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,240
I'm just milking it now to try
and get Martin a job.
305
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,200
What?! I don't know what you were
moaning about, Diane.
306
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,640
He's dead nice.
I think you're concussed.
307
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,400
TOILET FLUSHES
You're going to have to go. What?
308
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,880
I'm going to give it one last crack.
No! Please. Come on...
309
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,120
Oh, Diane!
310
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,280
Come in, come in.
The more the merrier!
311
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,000
Hey, where are you going? You look
like you're off to the Oscars.
312
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,320
Julie called me.
False alarm, I'm afraid.
313
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,800
Oh, Sandy, you're leathered.
314
00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,600
We did have a bit of an accident,
didn't we, Kath?
315
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,840
but look at her - she's fine!
SANDY GIGGLES
316
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,320
Hey, I don't know what you've been
moaning about, Diane.
317
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,240
This little one's
a breath of fresh air.
318
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,960
Aww, cheers, mate!
319
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,400
Come on, you need to leave. Please.
I didn't even realise until today...
320
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,920
Go on. ..how much I needed to
let my hair down.
321
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,480
I've let everything
get on top of me.
322
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,520
And I think, on reflection,
323
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,440
I may have been a bit hard on you,
Diane.
324
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,880
See? But hey, we've got
more drinks coming!
325
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,160
Let's get the music on...
326
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:28,880
Gypsy Woman
by Crystal Waters
327
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:30,360
..and push this bed back.
328
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,440
What you doing, Kath?
Oh, are we having a boogie?
329
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:34,320
Keep the cardi on.
Come on, Sandy.
330
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:35,600
Keep that cardi on!
331
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,680
And then we can finish our chat
from earlier. Woo!
332
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,040
Are you getting up? Hey!
Come on, snake hips.
333
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,920
Ah, ah, ah! I'll warn you now,
I'm not much of a dancer.
334
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,320
Jean says I dance
like a dog on lino.
335
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,760
Jean sounds like a knob, to be fair.
Hey! Sorry...
336
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,280
Come on, Diane.
337
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,920
No, I'm fine over here, thank you.
338
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,320
She said she's fine.
339
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,480
Hey, I can tell who
the fun sister is.
340
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,720
That's me. Maybe you should come
and work at the shop.
341
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,560
Oh, not me. Maybe Martin?
342
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,280
No.
343
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,280
No. Fuck off.
344
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:12,720
Oh, I say! Come on.
345
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:13,880
No, Diane, no!
346
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:19,640
I am looking for Kath Pennington.
347
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,640
Hello?
348
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,920
LAUGHTER
Woo!
349
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,480
Like a little matador.
350
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,400
Do you do this in Portugal?
351
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,000
Sandy Cooper's
just run over my missus.
352
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,400
SHE SIGHS
353
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,760
106.
354
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,640
106. Thank you.
355
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,000
Woohoo!
356
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,800
Hey, making your mind up!
357
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,640
Whoo! Sandy!
LAUGHTER
358
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:51,360
singing for money
359
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:55,480
La da dee la dee da
360
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,680
DOOR OPENS
361
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,280
What the hell's this?!
362
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,080
MUSIC SILENCES
Oh, hello, Parker!
363
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,720
Come to have another pop, have you?
364
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:11,960
What the hell are you doing here?
365
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,040
Julie told me you were dead.
She's not dead.
366
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,760
She's not dead!
I'm not dead.
367
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,360
Yeah, I can bloody well see that.
368
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,040
You look like a Quality Street.
369
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,240
It's Pastiche.
370
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,800
Oh, shit, you've still got the
tag on. Oh, God, I didn't pay!
371
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,640
What are you doing here, Parker?
372
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,200
Did you not learn your lesson
this morning?
373
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,760
Yeah, I heard about your ding-dong.
374
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,040
Yeah, all right, I had a ding-dong.
375
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,360
Why? Because I found out
about his plans.
376
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,360
Here we go. Plans? What plans?
377
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,280
He's rebranding the shops.
He wants to kill off Parker's.
378
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,080
"Coopers & Co."
Tell her. Tell her.
379
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,480
Tell me what?
380
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,760
The name Parker,
it's toxic round here.
381
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,680
When were you going
to tell me this, Sandy?!
382
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:45,560
We're supposed to be partners.
Coopers & Co?
383
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,640
Sounds like Legs & Co.
Quiet, Kath.
384
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,400
Don't you talk to her like that!
You what?
385
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,400
You need to leave, Martin!
You should leave.
386
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,200
Oh, should I? Yeah.
Well, this is my room.
387
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,920
He's living here now.
Jean's chucked him out. What?
388
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,760
She's having it off with
a tennis player.
389
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,720
MARTIN LAUGHS
I don't blame her.
390
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,840
It's just a blip. Well, I'm very
angry about Coopers & Co, Sandy,
391
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,240
but you and Jean?
Well, I'm shocked.
392
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,840
Well she was only bragging about her
new dado rails last time I saw her.
393
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,200
I'd never have guessed.
394
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,520
Get your hands off my wife, Cooper!
395
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,920
Your wife?!
That ship's sailed, Martin.
396
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,240
Your bloody wife?!
Jealous are we, Martin?
397
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,040
Of you? Yes, of me.
I don't think so.
398
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,760
This is a hilarious man.
399
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,440
Well, your girlfriend thinks I am.
400
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,840
We've had a wonderful afternoon,
haven't we, Kath?
401
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,880
Yeah, and then your wife joined us.
We've had a right laugh.
402
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,280
What the hell, Kath?
403
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,280
I wasn't having a laugh.
I was trying to get you a job.
404
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,960
What? I thought that
we were having a nice time.
405
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,160
Were you?
406
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,320
Not really.
I thought we were.
407
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,840
Bloody hell, Kath. Sandy Cooper?!
408
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,120
I was doing it for you.
409
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,840
I was trying to get you back
into Parker's.
410
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,600
We need the money,
Diane needs the help.
411
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,360
I don't need any help, thank you.
412
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,480
Yes, you do. You're having
a terrible time,
413
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,240
you think Sandy's a dick.
Yeah, well, everybody does.
414
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,720
What...? What's that? Hey? Oh! Oh!
415
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,960
This better not be because
of Diane's dress!
416
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,640
No, no, it's not that.
Oh, Christ Almighty...
417
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,880
I took one of Joe O'Leary's
arthritis pills, for you. I see...
418
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:06,960
I see what's going on here...
419
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,040
Well, it hasn't worked,
it's made you stiffer.
420
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,520
I don't mind what you lot get up
to behind closed doors,
421
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,280
but you're not bringing it in here.
422
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,400
I will not have another man's
erection in my room. Come on!
423
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,080
How dare you?! I've never had
a man's erection in any room...
424
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,080
Get out! You're bloody tapped, you.
And you. Come on!
425
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,520
No, no. Get out! Sandy, please!
426
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,080
THUD!
427
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:26,360
Oh, my God!
428
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,360
Sandy?
429
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,920
You-you can get up now, Sandy.
430
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,360
I know where he keeps the plasters.
Sandy?
431
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:40,760
Sandy?
432
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,720
Sandy? He's just pissed as a fart.
Let him sleep it off.
433
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,520
He's not breathing. Ooh.
434
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,080
Why isn't he breathing?
435
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:52,880
Oh, shit the bed.
436
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,040
Yeah, he's dead.
Whaa, he's dead.
437
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:57,280
Well, someone call an ambulance!
438
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,800
Well, unless they can do some voodoo
shit and conjure him back
439
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,760
from the dead, it's a waste of time,
Diane. Trust me,
440
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,760
I know a dead body when I see one,
and that's a dead body!
441
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,120
Well, we should check, shouldn't we?
Just double check, for God's sake.
442
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,720
THWACK!
443
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,360
No.
444
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,000
Dead as a door knob.
445
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,480
RIP, fella. Oh, my God,
we're all going to hell.
446
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,360
All of us. All right, nobody panic!
Let me think!
447
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,000
This is all your fault, Kath.
448
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,640
How's it my fault? It's your fault.
449
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,080
No, it's your fault.
You're a fucking nightmare.
450
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,880
You should have left
when I told you.
451
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,720
So you could seduce him?!
Seduce who? Sandy?
452
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,880
She plied him with drink...
He plied himself.
453
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,000
What the hell were you
seducing Sandy for, Kath?
454
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,640
She took her cardi off.
Holy God, Kath!
455
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,240
How many times?
I was trying to get you a job!
456
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,600
I have a job!
457
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,320
No! No, you don't, Martin,
because you walked out on Bev.
458
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,000
I know everything. Everything!
459
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,920
I have a new job. Eh?
In fashion.
460
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,440
Yeah. Brilliant new job, headhunted.
461
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:48,920
Things are looking up, Kath.
462
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,480
How the hell are things looking up
Martin? Sandy's dead!
463
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:52,880
He's dead on the floor.
464
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,480
Urgh, I can see blood.
465
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,840
There's blood on the carpet.
MARTIN RETCHES
466
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:58,000
I can't look.
467
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,400
DIANE SHUDDERS
468
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,840
Poor Sandy.
469
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,120
He didn't deserve this.
470
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:11,760
We didn't always see eye to eye,
but he didn't deserve this.
471
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,880
He was very misunderstood.
472
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,360
Well, I hate to speak ill
of the dead, but he was a wanker.
473
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:19,280
Martin! Martin! Well, he was.
KNOCK AT DOOR
474
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,040
They're on to us.
What are we going to do?
475
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,560
KNOCK AT DOOR
Room service.
476
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,440
It might be a trap.
477
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,040
It's the curly fries.
Shhh!
478
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:33,520
Martin, you and your erection need
to pretend to be Sandy.
479
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,040
Yeah, well that moment's long gone.
480
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,320
Go on, do Sandy. Do it!
What? Just do it!
481
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:38,640
KNOCK AT DOOR
482
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,840
Could you just
leave it at the door, please?
483
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,960
I've just come out of the shower.
484
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,760
CROCKERY CLINKS OUTSIDE
485
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:47,560
That was nothing like him.
486
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,320
I could have done better than that.
487
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,880
All right.
I'm not Mike bastard Yarwood!
488
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,920
And there's
only me here! Sandy Cooper.
489
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,720
Just me, all on my own...
490
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,040
I think they've gone.
Oh, God.
491
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,760
Should we try CPR?
492
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,440
I'm not mouth-to-mouthing.
493
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,400
Well, you seemed eager
enough earlier on.
494
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,560
He is dead, Martin.
You cannot be jealous of a corpse.
495
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,800
Oh, my God,
this can't be happening.
496
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,880
What are we going to do?
What am I going to tell Jean?
497
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,320
You're not telling anybody anything!
You need to calm down, Di.
498
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,360
Calm down? How the hell
am I supposed to calm down?
499
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,400
One minute he's dancing
to Gypsy Woman,
500
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,560
the next he's face-first
on a trouser press.
501
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:26,920
We need to get a wriggle on. Yeah.
502
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,360
Give it half an hour he's going to
be stinking -
503
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,720
shit and snot everywhere. He is
going to go off like a firework.
504
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,120
Ugh...
505
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,760
Oh, shit, the curly fries!
506
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:43,320
Whoa!
Argh!
507
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,400
I see you're a fan of the curly fry.
Oh, yeah.
508
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,520
But quick heads up -
don't order the cod.
509
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,320
Very disappointing. The batter was
way too soggy, wasn't it, Gill?
510
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,320
THUMPS AND GROANS
And it had been nowhere near a fish,
511
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,840
never even seen a fish, no fish
in it. Just soggy batter on a plate.
512
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,200
MOANS
And this is a so-called three-star.
513
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,360
We complained. Oh, yeah...
514
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:03,120
Got a free portion of the curlies
and a caramel apple granny each.
515
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,480
Well done.
MOANS AND THUMPS INTENSIFY
516
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,640
Is your room all right?
Yeah it's great.
517
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,720
MARTIN, Wait, wait,
wait, wait...
518
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,520
We're not very happy,
if we're honest.
519
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:14,640
Mould on the shower curtain,
which is giving my asthma some gyp.
520
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,120
OK. Well, lovely to chat.
521
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:17,880
Yeah. Don't let us stop you, love.
522
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,720
OK. See ya! See ya!
523
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,240
See ya. See ya.
524
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,880
GROANS AND THUMPS
Bye!
525
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,600
Bye.
526
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:28,760
Oh, God.
527
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,000
Having a nice chitchat
out there, were you?
528
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,880
We've been shitting bricks in here.
529
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,440
Sorry, some fella and his wife have
been wanging on about fish.
530
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:37,880
I couldn't get away.
531
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,560
I don't know what it is, people just
seem to want to open up to me...
532
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:45,480
Where's Sandy? Well, where do you
think he is, Einstein?
533
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,080
KATH GASPS
534
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,840
I've been wrapping up a corpse
like he's a chippy tea.
535
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,720
No. No.
536
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,400
We can't carry him out in a duvet.
537
00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,840
If that goes missing they will not
be very happy.
538
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,440
Martin, do you not remember the time
539
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,560
that I nicked a dressing gown
from Llandudno? I got done for that!
540
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,240
No, they're very, very strict
about these things.
541
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:07,880
I think that's
the least of our worries.
542
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,000
We'll take him out the back way.
543
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,920
Oh, God, I'm a grandmother
for crying out loud.
544
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,160
Yeah, and I'm a grandfather.
545
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:13,960
Yeah, and I'm a step nana.
Not the same.
546
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,640
No, I can't get involved in this.
Sorry, no way. No way!
547
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,920
We could cut him up.
548
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,400
We'll take him out piece by piece.
549
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,160
We can shove him in the pillowcases,
they don't give a shit about them.
550
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,680
Don't be so stupid.
551
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,480
All right, clever dick,
what's your plan?
552
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,720
Call the police! No. It's what we
should have done straight away.
553
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,720
We need to call them up
and tell the truth.
554
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,080
And what is the truth, Di?
555
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,960
You and your sister in a hotel room
556
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,640
dirty dancing with a pissed-up
dead man? No.
557
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,520
It was an accident, he fell!
558
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,800
Nobody will believe
this was an accident.
559
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,440
Nobody.
560
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,280
He publicly shafted you
at the awards.
561
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,480
And Kath here's been ordering
curly fries willy-nilly.
562
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,920
The two of you are all over this.
563
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,320
Yeah, what about you?
564
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,440
You attacked him at the golf club.
565
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,800
Right, you keep watch.
566
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,920
You grab the feet end.
Oh, God.
567
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,200
Come on.
568
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,160
Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
569
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,440
OK, coast is clear.
Coast is clear. OK, go, go, go.
570
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,120
Slow down! Jesus wept!
571
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:19,960
Oh, hi! Hi, hi...
572
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,560
Oh, hi! Hi!
573
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,120
After more curly fries, are you,
love? Yeah!
574
00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:26,520
Uh, what was the name
of that pudding?
575
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,000
Caramel apple granny? Caramel apple
granny, that's the one.
576
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,920
Beautiful. Amazing. Yeah.
577
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,000
You can have it hot or cold...
Ohh!
578
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,440
This is a nightmare.
579
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,040
A waking nightmare.
580
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,760
DIANE SNIFFS
581
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,480
Oh, God, can you smell that?
582
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:45,120
THEY SNIFF
Oh, no.
583
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:46,520
Is he starting to go?
584
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:47,920
Oh, dear God.
585
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,280
Sorry, that was me. Huh?
586
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:51,960
We had beans.
587
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,400
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
588
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,040
Oh, that's his phone. Nobody move.
589
00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,600
RINGING STOPS
590
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,040
Oh, God.
591
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,400
DIANE'S PHONE RINGS
Don't answer that.
592
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,520
Diane, get it, get it!
It could be Dad.
593
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,760
Oh, just bloody leave it!
Just leave it. Martin!
594
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:13,480
Hello?
595
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:16,000
Is Sandy with you?
He's not answering his phone. No.
596
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,000
Why would he be with me?
Why would I be with Sandy?
597
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:20,560
Can I help you, Julie?
598
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:23,240
Not really. I need Sandy.
I'll try him again. No!
599
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:24,920
Don't try Sandy again!
600
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:28,760
What do you want, Julie?
I need the day off next Wednesday.
601
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,800
Yep, no problem, all sorted.
Oh.
602
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,480
Do you not need to know why?
Nope. Found it...
603
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,240
Should I not square it with Sandy?
No, definitely not!
604
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,800
The thing is, woman who does water
births is popping round to yours
605
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,240
with a paddling pool...
606
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:41,600
BEEP!
607
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,800
Are they on to us? No!
608
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,600
We need to get a move on.
609
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:51,880
We could use the strimmer?
610
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,440
That's a hedge trimmer.
611
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,480
I've got a better idea.
612
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,720
VEHICLE REVERSING BEEPS
613
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:08,560
So if I get him just at the right
angle, I can just plop him in.
614
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:09,800
Bull's-eye.
615
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:11,960
This doesn't feel right.
616
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,520
A skip? We chuck out the body,
617
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,280
then we get rid of every trace of us
from this room
618
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:19,680
and then we get back to normal,
yes? Normal?
619
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,440
How do we ever get back to normal?
620
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,240
Fine!
621
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,880
But can we at least say
a little prayer? Oh, if you like.
622
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,320
Does anyone know a prayer? No!
623
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,840
One, two, and wait for three...
624
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:42,360
That's how accidents happen.
625
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:43,760
One, two, three...
626
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,160
THEY GRUNT AND STARIN
627
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:48,400
One more.
628
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,880
One, two, three...
629
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,200
One more.
630
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,240
THUNK!
631
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,480
My stomach is in knots.
632
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,160
Excuse me while I use the en suite.
633
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,240
STOMACH GURGLES
Oh. Oh!
634
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,320
I didn't want to say anything
in front of Diane,
635
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,480
because you know how she panics,
and that just makes me want to panic
636
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,200
and now I just want to cry.
637
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:26,760
We're in deep shit, aren't we?
638
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,200
Oh, chicken,
I promise I'll sort this
639
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:30,880
so that you and me are OK.
640
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,520
We're not OK, Martin.
Trust me.
641
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,760
Friggin' hell. This is so bad!
642
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,640
Yeah. We just need to
get our stories straight.
643
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:43,120
Yeah, that's what we'll do.
644
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:46,840
We'll get our stories straight
so that you and me are in the clear.
645
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,120
What about Diane? She didn't do
anything. It was an accident.
646
00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:56,240
Hmm. She was kind of grabbing
at him, remember?
647
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:57,680
TOILET FLUSHES
But he fell.
648
00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,520
He honestly fell, you saw it.
Yes.
649
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,720
But that was after she had
been plying him with drink.
650
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:04,840
Yeah, that's the story.
651
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:08,000
But she wasn't. Oh, for God's sake,
Kath - meet me halfway.
652
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,640
Listen to what I'm saying to you.
653
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:10,840
We weren't even here.
654
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,400
We were at home celebrating
my new job, remember?
655
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,720
This has nothing to do with us...
656
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,240
DIANE SIGHS
All right, Di?
657
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,520
Just gave the sink a quick
once-over.
658
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,200
Lord knows when it last
had a deep clean. Filthy.
659
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,400
Now, remember -
we've all got to get back to normal
660
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,200
and do not draw attention
to ourselves. So, OK...
661
00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:32,080
I'll go back to Mick's
and get some new stock.
662
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:33,480
What about you, Kath?
663
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,720
Oh, er... I could...
I could go to Dad's.
664
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:39,240
Very good. Di? Well, I'm going
to Copacabana's with Vinnie.
665
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:40,720
Copaca...
666
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:42,800
Vinnie Hayes?
Maybe I should cancel.
667
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,960
No, don't do that.
668
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,680
It's too late.
It would lead to questions.
669
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,960
Just go,
but don't get too cosy with him.
670
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:53,120
Why not?
Just be careful who you trust.
671
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:54,360
Right.
672
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,080
Don't worry, I've got you.
673
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,880
We're family,
we're in this together. Right?
674
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,360
Fine. Thank you, Martin.
50472
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