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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,400 Just Can't Get Enough by Depeche Mode 2 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:20,360 Oh! 3 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,640 You smell like a brewery. 4 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:35,880 I feel like a sack of shit, to be fair. 5 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,640 How's Nelly? Good, yeah. 6 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:42,520 What did you do to her hair? Usual. 7 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,760 Cut the crap, Kath. Where were you, really? 8 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:48,120 Because I sure as hell know you were not doing Nelly's hair. 9 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,280 Because I was driving her, and her bald head, 10 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:54,560 home from Mecca Bingo last night. Bald as a coot! 11 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,600 Cat got your tongue? Mm. 12 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,040 Yeah, I went to see Bev, had a chat with her like you said. 13 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,240 Got myself a job, didn't I? 14 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:03,840 At Oakvista? 15 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,720 Where were you, Kath? Who were you with? Oh! 16 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:10,640 Come on, what's his name? Diane. 17 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:14,080 Holy God, Kath, how could you? It was just a crappy awards do. 18 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,880 How dare you! 19 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,560 The Stockport Trade Awards is the most prestigious night of the year! 20 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,160 I won the meat raffle. Eh? Bagged a link of sausages, 21 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,920 24 chops and a ham shank. 22 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:28,800 Oh! Sneaking around with my ex-wife like some sordid affair. 23 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,760 Oh, gross. And to top it all off, you're playing in my playground. 24 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:33,960 You don't even have a business. I do! 25 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,720 I'm a qualified hair stylist, thank you very much! 26 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:41,200 Parker's won an award. Oh, no! Mm. 27 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,840 Oh, no! Oh, this is a bloody joke! 28 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:45,880 Sandy Cooper went onstage to do a speech, 29 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,320 completely ignored Diane, didn't even mention her. 30 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,120 Well, why would he? Or you. 31 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:53,600 Oh, that's typical of Sandy, that is, absolutely typical. 32 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,440 Had a little bit too much to drink, got a bit gobby. 33 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,440 You know what I'm like. 34 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,400 Going to have to apologise to Sandy. 35 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:02,640 And Diane. 36 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,760 Aw! 37 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:08,080 Well done on your new job, mister. 38 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,960 Living In a Box by Living In a Box 39 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,600 Diane! Oh! 40 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,160 Di! 41 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:16,640 Di! 42 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:19,440 Slow down, Flo-Jo... I am not in the mood for talking. 43 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,240 Morning, Fabio! Morning, Richard! 44 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,600 Come on Diane, I'm in kitten heels here, I'm not a machine. 45 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,840 Piss off! 46 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,720 I'm so sorry if I went a bit far, last night. 47 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,840 I was just sticking up for you, sis. It's good karma. 48 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,880 Karma? Bloody karma?! 49 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,360 You bit a man's arm. Sounds a lot worse than it was. 50 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,320 Oh, it couldn't be any worse, you stupid cow. 51 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,280 Everything you touch turns to shit! 52 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,160 Well, a thank you wouldn't go amiss. 53 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,800 For what?! Humiliating me?! 54 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,520 Have you any idea how hard I've worked to be taken seriously 55 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,280 in this industry, surrounded by all these men?! 56 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:56,560 No, I can't even speak to you. I'm absolutely furious with you. 57 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,840 And is Sandy all right with everything? Huh! 58 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,680 What do you think? He already thinks I'm a joke, 59 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,600 and now he probably thinks my sister's a bloody psycho. 60 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:05,800 Urgh! 61 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,600 You're joking! 62 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,040 Ah! Dirty dog shit. 63 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:10,520 That'll be your karma, Kath. 64 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,920 It's London, Walter. Eh? 65 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:21,200 It's Big Ben. 66 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,840 Big bloody Ben. 67 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,760 Big bloody bullshitter. 68 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:26,840 I can hear you, Gladys. Good. 69 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,360 I've got nothing to hide, sunshine. 70 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:30,680 Are you going to be long? 71 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:32,800 Why, Betty? Have you got somewhere to go? 72 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,480 Kilroy's on in a minute and I don't want you causing a disturbance. 73 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:39,360 It's a jigsaw, Betty, it's not the Goombay Dance Band. 74 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:40,680 What's he saying? 75 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,880 I am saying I've had enough of your earache today. 76 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:46,960 I've had it up to here as it is. Ignore him, he's full of it. 77 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,360 Your hands are the tools of your trade, I get it. 78 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:52,920 Yeah. 79 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,920 Well, once again, I can only apologise. 80 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,520 Absolutely, yes, yes. 81 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:02,040 Yeah, shocking behaviour, I agree. 82 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,240 And believe you me, I will be having words, 83 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,360 don't worry about that. 84 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:08,440 No, no. 85 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,320 No, I'm sure she's had all her jabs. 86 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:14,080 I've been reassured on that front, yeah. 87 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,080 Oh, my God, standards have dropped here! 88 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,160 I wouldn't want you cleaning for me. 89 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,320 Says the man who doesn't clean for himself. 90 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,200 Hey, you missed a bit. Ah, you must be bloody loving this. 91 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,440 DOUGIE LAUGHS 92 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,920 Well, you get to my age, you get your kicks where you can. 93 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,160 Layla, go and give these choccies to your nana. 94 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,440 Nana! Hey! 95 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:37,480 Hey, what do you think you're doing, frightening kiddies? What? 96 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:40,200 You're Martin Parker, aren't you? Didn't you die in that fire? 97 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,680 Well, clearly not, love. More's the pity. 98 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,760 And now you live here? No, no, no. 99 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,240 I'm just working here temporarily, thank you. 100 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:48,880 I bet you'd rather be dead. 101 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,640 Freddie Jenkins has been sat bollocko waiting for his bed bath 102 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,600 for half an hour. 103 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,080 A little bit of jock itch. 104 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:57,200 DOUGIE LAUGHS 105 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,360 Shut your face. 106 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,360 Bev, Bev, Bev? Sign this for us, would you? 107 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:04,200 And would you mind putting it on the notice board for us? 108 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,680 Why, what's it for? I'm starting a revolution. 109 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:10,360 The powers that be, throwing me out of my home, 110 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,240 so they can throw up swanky flats, no doubt. 111 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,360 John Major, about as much use as tits on a bull. 112 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,880 We're pawns in a game, we're nothing. 113 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:19,720 Right. And when do you have to be out by? 114 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,320 Monday. Christ, Dougie, you're going to have to act quick. 115 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,000 You need action, not words. 116 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:28,160 Hunger strike. I don't eat that much as it is. 117 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,280 Well, start a riot, then. Make some noise. 118 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:33,280 Anything's better than 23 signatures on a sheet of A4. 119 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:35,200 Ask Gladys. How come? 120 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,320 When management switched the milk to powdered, 121 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,200 these lot proper kicked off. 122 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,840 Betty smashed up the lounge and Gladys shat in the fish tank. 123 00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,840 Next morning, sure as hell, 124 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:45,640 there were gold top milk on top of their Weetabix. 125 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:49,240 Do you know what I mean? THAT - that's how it's done, Dougie. 126 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,880 What happened to the fish? 127 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,520 Yes. 128 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,520 Yes, I understand. 129 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,240 Yeah, I'll talk to her now. 130 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,280 OK, thank you. 131 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,680 Well, I have to say, I'm very disappointed in you, Diane. 132 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,880 You've let me down. 133 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,960 I am so sorry, Sandy, I am absolutely mortified. 134 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,520 Diane, I'm talking! Sorry, Sandy. 135 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,480 I can't remember what I was going to say now. I've lost my thread! 136 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,720 Oh, yeah, that's it. 137 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:26,400 THAT was the doorman from last night on the blower. 138 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,280 Poor man's had to have a tetanus. 139 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:30,120 Oh, God. Yeah. 140 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:34,280 He wanted to go legal, but I told him your sister's on tablets. 141 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,960 Now, luckily, he's got a second cousin in Great Yarmouth 142 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,440 who's a little bit funny in the head, can't be around 143 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,800 sharp objects, apparently, so he got it. Oh, thank you. 144 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,640 I think Kath's just very protective of me. 145 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:50,520 I think she's just a bit upset that, erm... 146 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,520 ..that you took all the credit, 147 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,120 because at the end of the day, we're partners, Sandy. 148 00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:00,080 After last night's antics, I think you proved to everyone 149 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,720 why it's me who needs to be the face of this business, not you. 150 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,680 But it wasn't me, it was Kath. 151 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,480 Look, you know she's... 152 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,080 ..she's probably... 153 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,440 ..she's probably going through, you know... 154 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,960 She's going through the change, you know, it messes with your head. 155 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,520 Oh, too much information, Diane! Sorry. 156 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,200 I only invited you to that do because I... 157 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,720 ..I felt sorry for you. 158 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,120 I don't need your pity, Sandy. 159 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,840 Oh, now, I promised the doorman you'd pop round to his house 160 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,280 with a nice new microwave. Oh, no, no, I'm sorry, 161 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:32,360 I can't do that cos I've got to pop out and meet Alison. Oh, thank you. 162 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:36,240 Oh, and pop him a ready meal in as well, keep him sweet, eh? 163 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:37,960 Cheers, love. 164 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,480 Another break, Martin? This isn't a bloody holiday camp. 165 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,080 Shit needs doing. Yeah, well, I'm interacting with the residents. 166 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:53,040 Aries, did you say, love? Oh, well, why don't you interact 167 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,480 with the dirty bedding upstairs, and then when you've done that, 168 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,920 you can interact with the overflowing bins in the kitchen, 169 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,480 yeah? You tell him, Beverley. 170 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,120 If you don't like it, you know where the door is. 171 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,640 Oh, don't tempt me, sweetheart, don't tempt me. 172 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,680 Martin! Rogue turd in room 12. Bring your gloves! 173 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,200 Go on, then, Martin. 174 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,200 There's a turd with your name on it. 175 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:15,240 Martin! 176 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:20,560 Fuck this. I would rather be destitute than have to see 177 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,000 you old witches every day. 178 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,520 I am out of here. 179 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,880 Shame on you. 180 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:31,640 DOOR SLAMS 181 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,320 Ready for a little knock about, fella? Oh, yes, er, 182 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:42,160 sorry, matey. Quick tinkle, then I'll see you by the car. 183 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,080 Diane! 184 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,520 It wasn't right, what Sandy did. 185 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:54,160 He shouldn't have taken that award. Oh, well. Water under the bridge. 186 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,880 It's no way to treat a lady, 187 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,560 especially an intelligent lady like yourself. 188 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:02,120 I mean, I wouldn't treat you like that if I was in bed with you. 189 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,800 Business wise, of course. 190 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:07,080 Anyway, I'm glad I've got you to myself. 191 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,200 I hope you don't mind. I, er... 192 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,840 ..burnt off a few tunes on a CD for you. 193 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,800 Oh! Whacked it out when I got back last night. Oh, gosh. 194 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:20,040 That's very high-tech. A little bit of Charles & Eddie, 195 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,880 touch of Luther, some Simply Red. 196 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,840 You've got very good taste. 197 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,960 And it's getting better with age, Di. 198 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,480 DIANE SNORTS So, you run a nice hot bath... 199 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,520 ..light a few candles... 200 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,240 ..gently press play... 201 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:36,520 ..and chill. 202 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,360 Sorry to interrupt. Julie! Please, will you knock?! 203 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:42,240 Oh, sorry, shall I knock now? No, it's too late. What do you want? 204 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,240 There's a little lad got stuck in a spin dryer. Oh, my God! 205 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,880 How the hell did that happen?! 206 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,440 I double dared him. 207 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,000 He's got a massive head for a little one. Anyway, look, 208 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,320 I can see that you're busy. Nice to see you, Di. 209 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:56,040 Yeah, and thanks. Pleasure. 210 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,840 Bye. 211 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,760 I've given his mam a lollipop, but she's still kicking off 212 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,120 and he's screaming his head off now and it's echoing round the drum. 213 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,520 Have you got any butter? 214 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,120 Oh, for God's sake! 215 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:10,320 She looked at me like shit on her shoe, 216 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,520 and it was my shoe with the shit. Muck for luck. 217 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,960 Oh, Christ, I'm going to need some of that with Martin. 218 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,360 He's seen his arse with me about last night. 219 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,440 I'm going to need to make it up to him. You'll sort it, love. 220 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,240 You want to ask Bev if she can get you some of them 221 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,440 sexy pills she gave Joe O'Leary. 222 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,400 What are you talking about? They're not sexy pills. 223 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:29,960 They're for his arthritis. 224 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,920 Increased libido's just a side-effect. 225 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,400 He were humping a coat stand earlier. 226 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,560 Martin had to pull him off. Oh! 227 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,280 Not like that, Betty! 228 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:39,600 My George wasn't a fan of sex. 229 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,440 Not the human kind, anyway. 230 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,920 He bred Doberman pinschers, till his eyes packed in. 231 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,480 Hmm. Lovely dogs. Yeah, very nice. 232 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,920 Then I met Winston at George's wake. 233 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,200 Ooh, randy sod. 234 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,320 Like a rampant goat. 235 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,440 Oh, you lucky cow. Speaking of Martin, Kath, 236 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:58,800 where is he with my minibus? 237 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,360 I've got 16 pensioners all wanting to go look 238 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,360 at the planes at Ringway this afternoon, 239 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,600 and there'll be murder if he doesn't bring it back. What you on about?! 240 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,560 He's quit. He's only just got the job! 241 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:10,720 Well, he got his tits in a tangle cos I asked him to pull his weight, 242 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,480 and then he stormed out like a stroppy teenager. 243 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:13,720 Well, why would he do that? 244 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,920 Because he's a lazy, lying swipe of shite. 245 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,920 That's why. And tell him I want my fleece back an' all. 246 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,680 Why did no-one tell me about this? 247 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,120 Bugger him! He doesn't deserve you. 248 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:28,520 You're too good for him. The man's a shithouse. 249 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:32,080 You've done a lovely job on Norma, Kath. 250 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,880 Oh, you have, love! 251 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:38,400 She looks better now than she did when she was breathing. 252 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,920 Although I'm surprised they squeezed her arse into that coffin, 253 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,240 to be fair. 254 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,280 I pity the pallbearers. 255 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,920 They'll need weightlifting belts. 256 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,320 We'll have to be quick while Mum and Sandy are out. 257 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,880 Oh, and Gary will be in in a bit to clean George Michael. 258 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,200 George Michael?! 259 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,760 George Michael, staff rabbit. 260 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,680 Staff rabbit? What's your mum running here, a play school? 261 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:03,680 No! We've got a dartboard in the kitchen. 262 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:06,120 Jesus wept. 263 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,400 Hey, cheers for doing this. 264 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:09,840 Yeah. S'all right. 265 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:13,320 Er, I've put down all the usual stuff about Parker's, 266 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,480 owner, all that balls. Yep, yep, yep, yep. 267 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,440 Fact. 268 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:22,120 God, this is bloody ridiculous, me having to do this. 269 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,880 I mean, what's this country coming to, 270 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:27,600 a man of my age and experience fannying about with CVs? 271 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,480 I'm too experienced, that's my problem. 272 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,000 So, what shall I put down for recent work? 273 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,840 Hmm, tricky. 274 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,120 You'd better not put down the old people's home. 275 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,840 I was only there a couple of hours. 276 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,800 Put down that I volunteered for the needy. 277 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,800 Yeah! 278 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,640 No, scrap that. TOM SIGHS 279 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,000 Well, it makes me sound like a do-gooder. 280 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,640 No-one's going to believe I've suddenly gone all kumbaya. 281 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,080 What's that next section? 282 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:53,560 Interests. 283 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:57,000 Interests? Have you never seen a CV before, Dad? 284 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,360 How did you used to employ people? 285 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:02,160 Gut instinct! I'd no time for any of that gubbins. 286 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,640 I am a people person. When you know, you know, you know? No. 287 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,720 I've put down reading, sports and socialising. 288 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,240 MARTIN GRUMBLES 289 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,040 I don't really like any of that lot. 290 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,400 Do you want me to do it or not? 291 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,280 Well, no, not if you're trying to get me a job socialising! 292 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,840 You make me sound like Peter bloody Stringfellow. 293 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,760 your big brown eyes 294 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:37,600 to say to you, hey 295 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,480 Oh! 296 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,640 some more-ore-ore 297 00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,760 Push it, push it 298 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,080 Come on! 299 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,200 DIANE GASPS Oh! Sorry! 300 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,520 Mum, are you coming in or what? Yes, sorry. Coming! 301 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:18,280 Hiya, Gladys. Only me. 302 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,880 I need some advice. 303 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:21,880 Oh! I can't believe he quit his job. 304 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:23,120 I'm absolutely fuming. 305 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:28,960 Well, some people can't hack it. I think it's the smell. 306 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,040 Have you ever felt like just running away, Gladys? 307 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,200 With these hips? 308 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,360 Martin's a different man since the fire. 309 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,440 He misses being, like, a big business-y boss, 310 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,720 looking fit in his fancy suits. 311 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,360 He's lost his sparkle. 312 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,040 Has he now? 313 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,160 I mean, I should just ask Diane to get him a job back at Parker's, 314 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,560 cos that would... 315 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:51,160 Yep. Yes. I SHOULD just ask Diane to give him a job back at Parker's. 316 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:53,280 I don't think that's a good idea. 317 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,120 No, you're right. Sandy calls the shots there now, so... 318 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,640 OK, yeah, you're right. 319 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:05,160 So, I convince Sandy to take Martin back - 320 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,720 that sorts Martin out and helps Diane out. 321 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,760 Bloody hell, Gladys! I don't know how you do it. 322 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,720 You're like my own little Mr Miyagi. 323 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,040 Oh, love, I do worry about you. 324 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:18,000 Why? It's perfect! Everyone's happy. Win-win. 325 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,640 And what's your win? What do you mean? 326 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,440 Stop trying to sort every bugger else out 327 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,600 and think about yourself for once. 328 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,440 I am. 329 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,400 Fancied the pants off him in them suits. 330 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,960 That'll make me happy, don't you worry. Very bloody happy, 331 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:35,120 thank you very much. He does not look good in a fleece. 332 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,920 What bugger does?! 333 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,600 THEY CHUCKLE Aw, cheers, mate. 334 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,800 WHIRRING 335 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,720 Hey, thanks again for doing this, Tom. 336 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:48,800 And remember - not a word to your mam. 337 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,560 I won't be telling no-one. 338 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:54,360 She'll lose her shit if she finds out you're here. 339 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,880 What about Sandy? How's he? What about him?! 340 00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:02,160 I bet he is swanning around like a cock of the walk, eh? 341 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,920 I don't know. That man needs knocking down a peg or two, 342 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,640 I'll tell you that for nothing. 343 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,440 Dad...I'm not arsed. 344 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:10,560 I just sell shit. 345 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,760 Sell shit?! That's not the attitude, Tom. 346 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,520 You'll never make middle management. 347 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:16,920 Couldn't give a toss, to be fair. 348 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,280 That's your problem. That's YOUR problem. 349 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,760 I mean, what can I do? I'm a dad now. 350 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,040 I am proud of you, Tom. 351 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:29,400 Your priorities are Craigy, the one on the way, and Julie now. 352 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,840 Still can't get me head round that one. 353 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:35,480 Anyway, what I'm saying is, your own happiness comes last 354 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:36,640 when you're a dad. 355 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,560 Is that why you slept with me mam's sister for 25 years? 356 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,720 Touche, Tom. Touche. 357 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:46,280 I'm hardly a role model. 358 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,200 Course you are, Dad. Don't be daft. 359 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,000 Where do you keep the stamps, eh? 360 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,720 I think Julie has some in her desk. 361 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,360 Wahey! Finders keepers. 362 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:57,680 Nice. 363 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,120 Coopers & Co? 364 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,320 Right, come on. Let's get you out of here. 365 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,000 Yeah. Did you get a stamp? Yeah. 366 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,280 Ah! You hooked it, you pillock. 367 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,880 There he is. 368 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,200 Sandy! 369 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,160 Sandy! MARTIN CLEARS HIS THROAT 370 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,120 Sandy! Martin Parker. 371 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,720 Nice wheels. 372 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:38,240 New job? I know all about your master plan, Cooper. 373 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:41,000 I don't know what the hell you're on about. Come off it! 374 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,320 Don't piss down me neck and tell me it's raining. 375 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:46,080 Diane might let you walk all over her, but I'll be damned if I will. 376 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:47,200 You're bloody tapped, you. 377 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,480 I mean, what the hell's this Coopers & Co? 378 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,640 Oh, yeah, ain't nothing escapes me. 379 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,280 Walls have ears. 380 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,400 My business is my business. 381 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,840 Well, technically, it's my business, pal. 382 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:02,960 Well, technically, it isn't any more, and you're not my pal, Martin. 383 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,840 In fact, I'd be surprised if you had any pals left. 384 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,440 I've got loads of pals, thank you. 385 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,760 Bullshit. Name one. 386 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,400 See? No-one wants a bar of you. No-one wants a bar of YOU. 387 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:19,480 Says who? People! What, all the grannies at your old fogies' home? 388 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:23,000 You're toxic, Parker! Come on, fellas. Calm down, eh? 389 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,040 You can piss off, too! 390 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:28,240 Martin Parker, here he is, lads. True colours coming out now. 391 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,720 Watch it, Cooper. 392 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:34,040 Watch it. I will not stand by and let you kill off my family name. 393 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,440 You already killed it. 394 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,640 If you'd spent a bit more time on your business 395 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,440 and a bit less time playing away with that bimbo of yours, 396 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,360 we wouldn't be having this conversation. Watch it! 397 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,840 You need to keep the mad bitch on a lead! 398 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,960 What are you doing?! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Martin! Martin! 399 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,200 We don't want any trouble, eh? 400 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,280 No, we don't want to do anything stupid 401 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:55,000 and be forced to go into hiding at the Lucky Panda...again. 402 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,040 Very sad. 403 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,600 Face it, Parker. 404 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:02,760 You're done. 405 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,800 Come on, lads. Get off me. 406 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,200 Well, Uncle Dennis and Auntie Rose are not going to like this. 407 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,920 They were furious when I wore a pant suit to their Emma's wedding. 408 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,400 Christ knows what this will do to them. 409 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,240 I don't want a load of oldies at my party. 410 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,280 Right, you can bring balloons, but no banners. 411 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:25,560 They fuck up the wallpaper. 412 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,320 And where will you be putting the buffet? 413 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,200 We don't do food, love. If you want to bring your own, 414 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,240 we can pop a trestle table over there, next to the fag machine. 415 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,560 No buffet?! It's an 18th! 416 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:38,760 Well, don't blame me. Blame the health inspectors. 417 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,320 This is a dive. 418 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,440 Well, I think it's cool. 419 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,040 Matthew does drag on Sundays. 420 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:51,280 Yeah, and line dancing on Mondays, if you're so inclined. 421 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,080 So, it's just the ยฃ30 deposit for today. 422 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:57,040 We're just waiting for her dad. My husband. My ex-husband. 423 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,120 Oh, come on, Martin. 424 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,320 I don't think he's coming, love. 425 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,440 Was he always this flaky, your ex-husband? 426 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,960 You could say that. Aw, you deserve better than that. 427 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,280 You're gorgeous. 428 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:13,680 You should get back on the horse. 429 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,760 Oh, well, um... 430 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,240 ..funnily enough, um... Go on. 431 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:24,080 ..a gentleman friend dropped a CD round at the shop earlier. 432 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:25,680 Burnt it specially for me. 433 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,680 Thing is, the songs, they're so erotic. 434 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,920 Oh, God, it feel's weird saying this out loud, 435 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,120 but I think he might actually like me...a bit. 436 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:34,840 That's foreplay! 437 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,920 Ask him out. Grab that bull by his horn. Oh, no, no. 438 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,640 No, I couldn't do that, Matthew. No. 439 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:43,840 And why not? You, my darling, can do whatever you like. 440 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:44,920 Yeah, you're right. 441 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,280 Yeah! Yeah, I can. 442 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,000 Well, do it now! Now?! Now, while you're all fired up. 443 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,920 Oh! Really?! Yes, really. 444 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,400 Glasses. Oh! 445 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,760 OK. 446 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,640 I've got it somewhere. What is it? Hayes. 447 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,160 Hayes, Hayes, Hayes. 448 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,800 Oh, wish me luck. 449 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,400 I can't believe I'm doing this. 450 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:10,560 PHONE RINGS Mr Skip, Vinnie Hayes speaking. 451 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,120 Oh, hi, Vinnie, it's Diane here. Diane Parker. 452 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:14,760 Parker's Electricals. Diane! 453 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,200 Just been thinking about you. 454 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,920 Were you? Yeah. 455 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,880 Hey, I take it you've heard about Martin 456 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,960 and Sandy's ding-dong at the golf club earlier? 457 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,400 What ding-dong? 458 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,400 Big ding-dong. Oh! 459 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,120 Martin was proper kicking off. 460 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,720 Raging like a bullmastiff. Holy moley! 461 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,120 Ask him out! Oh, yeah. 462 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,520 No, I was just ringing, um... 463 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,560 I was just wondering if you... well, if you fancied... 464 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,400 ..just...just going for a drink with me sometime, 465 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,600 but you probably won't want to. 466 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,960 Yes, I do want to, Di. 467 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,080 Very much so. 468 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:50,720 Hello? 469 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,120 Di? Still there? 470 00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:53,960 Yes, I'm still here, Vinnie. Sorry. 471 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,960 This is all new to me. 472 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:01,840 Don't worry about it, Di. Just like riding a bike. 473 00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,400 Copacabana, seven o'clock. Oh! 474 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,320 See you there? Oh, right, yes, yes, see you, then. Bye, Vinnie. 475 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:14,240 I think I just grabbed the bull, Matthew. 476 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,400 She Drives Me Crazy Fine Young Cannibals 477 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:24,960 I mean, how would you feel? 478 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,560 Imagine somebody coming in here, shouting the odds 479 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,160 and trying to take your family name off the business. 480 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:34,160 Well, technically, it's not your family name. You're not the Pandas. 481 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,840 I don't even know if you're lucky. But you know what I mean, Chen. 482 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,720 You need to move on, Martin. 483 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,040 You can't live in the past. 484 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:44,240 It's like what my old grandfather used to say. 485 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:48,720 It takes two to tango and only one person to fuck up a conga. 486 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,120 That don't make any sense. 487 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,040 He quit his job. 488 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,360 He only started it yesterday. 489 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,560 Bye. Bye. 490 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,840 Movin' On Up by Primal Scream 491 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,480 All right? 492 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,080 Lucky Panda for Mic. 493 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:30,600 Jesus! 494 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,720 DOG BARKS Oh, Jesus! 495 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,800 Easy, Samson! 496 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,760 He can smell your kung pao. 497 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,920 Hey? Are you coming in or what? I've not got all day. Oh, yeah. 498 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,360 I've got a takeaway for Mic. 499 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:47,680 What kept you? I could eat a scabby rat. 500 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:49,360 Oh, are you Mic? 501 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:51,040 Well done. Give that man a balloon. 502 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:52,920 Sorry, love. I thought you'd be a bloke. 503 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,280 I thought you'd be Chinese. Life's a lottery. 504 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,120 Has he got you doing all the hard work, has he? 505 00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:00,200 He? Who's he? 506 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,280 Oh, aye. I see you're one of those. 507 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,280 Men like you make my foot itch. 508 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,880 What's that, love? If you can wrap your pretty little head 509 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,000 round this, sunshine, I run my own business. 510 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,360 Me, on my lonesome. 511 00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:15,960 Yeah, you heard. 512 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:19,280 I'm in charge, I call the shots, 513 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,480 and I even have men bringing me food. 514 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:22,960 Who'd have thought? 515 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,360 Let me get your money. 516 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:29,000 Wahey! Plenty of money in the solarium business, then, eh? 517 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,280 Is there balls. 518 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,080 Mic's got her fingers in many pies. 519 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:33,800 Sales is my main game. 520 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,400 Let me tell you this, sweetheart. 521 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,080 I started with a few quid less than sod all, just my wits 522 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,960 and a bigger pair of balls than any man inside the M60 corridor. 523 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,840 Within a year, I was running a team of 24 - 524 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:48,280 all men, by the way - right across the region. 525 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,920 This is fate, Mic. Do you believe in fate? 526 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,360 Do I fuck. 527 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:54,920 Well, whatever. Either way, this is your lucky day. 528 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,280 I've got a free litre bottle of lemonade with every order. 529 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:03,760 AND I'm just the fella you're looking for, Mic. 530 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,880 Oh, hiya! 531 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,120 Come and give your Auntie Kath a big fat snuggle. 532 00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:12,720 Aw, mwah. 533 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,360 It's made my day, this. 534 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:16,520 How's little baby Craig? Good, yeah. 535 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,400 Mum's not here. It's not your mum I'm after! 536 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,440 Where's Sandy? How would I know? I'm not his keeper. 537 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,720 Sorry. Me ankles have ballooned and I've got mad cravings. 538 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:27,960 Don't ever get pregnant, Kath. It's horrific. 539 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:29,760 OK, thanks. Oh, sorry, Kath. 540 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,320 It's all right. My nan had a baby when she was ancient. 541 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:33,960 She was well in her 30s when she had my mum, 542 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,800 so you never know. 543 00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:40,080 Can you not just phone Sandy? 544 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:41,880 Er, he won't want to speak to you, Kath. 545 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,960 I really need to speak to him. I've got a great idea. 546 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,400 Not going to be back here today. 547 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,320 I was going to ask him to get your dad a job here. 548 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,880 He'd love that! Are you joking? Here? 549 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:54,520 He would NOT love that. Hmm. I think you're wrong, Tom. 550 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,800 He misses the hustle and bustle of a busy shop floor. 551 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,800 You see, he's like me. He's a people person. 552 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,880 And I really, really need to get him a job. 553 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,520 PHONE RINGS So, come on, where's Sandy? 554 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,760 PHONE CONTINUES RINGING 555 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:11,960 Are you going to get it or...? 556 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,360 Oh, I don't need to. It answers itself. It's brilliant. 557 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,240 Thank you for calling Parker's Power and Electricals. 558 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,240 We're busy selling top-quality electrical goods right now... 559 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,560 Parker's! ..so please leave a message after the beep. 560 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,000 ANSWERPHONE BEEPS She always used to do that 561 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,160 when we were little. Dickhead. Oh, God's sake. 562 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,680 Julie, send my dry cleaning to the Grand Hotel. 563 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,400 And answer the bloody phone! 564 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,000 It's good. Good. Lovely. 565 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:37,720 Going to skedaddle. Love you! 566 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,480 See you later, Kath. Grand. 567 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,360 Right, then, sweet cheeks. Let's see what you're made of. 568 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,920 There you go. Have you done sales before? 569 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:50,880 MARTIN LAUGHS 570 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,200 Have I done sales before, she says! 571 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:56,760 Yes, yes, I have. 572 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,960 I actually have a CV out in the van. 573 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:02,800 Not interested in any of that crap. I go by gut instinct. 574 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:06,240 Music to my ears, Mic. Kindred spirit. 575 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,400 I used to own a chain of electrical shops. 576 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:09,680 Name above the door. 577 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,000 You probably saw my ad - "What an offer!" - on TV? 578 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,080 Nope. 579 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,560 Too busy grafting to watch telly. 580 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,440 Although I do like the one with the chimps flogging tea. 581 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,040 They move a piano. 582 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:21,480 Piss funny. 583 00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,240 Is your ad anything like that? 584 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,200 No. Go on, then. Impress me. 585 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:27,600 Flirt with me. 586 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:29,520 Get my juices flowing. 587 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:31,880 Sell the sizzle, not the sausage. 588 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,040 MARTIN CLEARS HIS THROAT 589 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:42,400 You look like a lady who likes her leather. 590 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,400 Suicide Blonde by INXS 591 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:50,600 WOLF-WHISTLE 592 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,120 Well, I hope that was as good for you as it was for me. 593 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:55,840 Yeah, you're good. Yeah, yeah. It felt good. Yeah. 594 00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,760 How's about I start you on 15 boxes and see how you go? 595 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,840 Oh, that is fantastic, Mic. Thank you. 596 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:06,040 Is it Michaela? Michelle? Micole? 597 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:07,200 It's Mic. 598 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:08,600 No matter, Mic. That's great. 599 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:09,840 Thank you. I won't let you down. 600 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:11,200 I know you won't. 601 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,120 Oh, and word to the wise. I don't respond well to bullshitters, 602 00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:16,640 time-wasters or wolf-whistles. 603 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,080 Don't say I didn't warn you. 604 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:19,720 I consider myself warned. 605 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,360 Welcome to the team. Thank you. 606 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,320 Sandy! 607 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:29,880 Sandy! 608 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,240 Hell! 609 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,000 Listen, tell Diane I've spoken to Clive Squires. OK? 610 00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:37,640 Oh! 611 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:43,160 Oh, bugger me. Not you, Julie. Sandy! 612 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,400 Sandy, can I have...can I have a word? No! 613 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,360 Just two minutes. I just need to ask you something. It's nothing, 614 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,520 it's nothing. Sandy! Right, this is really important, OK, Julie? 615 00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,160 Microwaves. Microwaves? Yeah. 616 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,840 Tell them every washing machine needs a microwave on. 617 00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,880 Jesus! 618 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:01,800 Fuck a duck. 619 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,280 You'd better phone Diane. 620 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,000 I think I've just run over Kath. 621 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,400 Kath? 622 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:09,640 Kath! 623 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:11,160 Oh, my God! 624 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:12,840 Oh, my God! 625 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,400 Kath! 47870

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