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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,800
This programme contains
some strong language
2
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,040
Six grand. Friday. Alison,
what were you doing in that van?
3
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:09,360
I'm calling the police.
Don't you dare! You're fired.
4
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:12,320
I need to speak to a grown-up.
No, they're busy, fart-knocker.
5
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:14,640
I think there's someone
in your garden.
6
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,440
I'd watch your back an' all
if I were you. Ah!
7
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,800
DOOR OPENS
Hello?
8
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:30,000
HE MUMBLES
9
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,320
HE GROANS
10
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,240
RUSTLING
11
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,320
Oh, please don't hurt me!
12
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:42,040
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
13
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,400
thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
14
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,800
Martin Parker.
Parker's Electricals. Thank you.
15
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,480
Where am I? Oi! Liam!
16
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,640
What have I told you lot
about bringing your work home?
17
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:57,280
I am not a B&B.
18
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,320
You are taking the piss.
19
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,480
Well, I tell you now -
he needs to be gone before 11.
20
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,000
Our Sinead's bringing the baby over
to watch Knots Landing.
21
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,080
And he needs shifted
into the front room.
22
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,560
Fuck's sake, son. Me and Martin
don't want to sit here
23
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,080
with your knackers on show.
24
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,600
Bloody hell, Mam. Why have you
taken his hood off?
25
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,440
He's not supposed
to see where we live.
26
00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:20,000
Well, it's too late now, and...
27
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:23,920
..he's had a good look at me.
Yes, I saw you.
28
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,800
The face is up here, sweetheart.
29
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,760
We'll have a brew.
30
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:31,240
Won't we, Martin?
Yes, please.
31
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,720
And have you checked his pockets?
He could be carrying.
32
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,680
I'm not carrying anything.
Wait, carrying what?
33
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,600
Hey, hey!
34
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:48,000
That's my skin. That's just
me chequebook and...
35
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,080
HE SIGHS
36
00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:51,520
Oh, no, no.
37
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:55,040
Martin, what have we got here, then?
38
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,800
Oi, what are you doing?
39
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,960
It was empty. Look, you can't
keep me here for ever!
40
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,440
My family will be worried!
KETTLE WHISTLES
41
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:09,120
Blue Monday
by New Order
42
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:20,760
Sisters.
43
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,960
You lying
44
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,080
piece of
45
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,200
shit!
46
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,680
SHE GROANS
47
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,240
PHONE RINGS
48
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,080
SHE SIGHS
49
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,600
SHE GROANS
50
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:45,440
Who played the character
Lukewarm in Porridge?
51
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,920
That's B, Christopher Biggins,
love.
52
00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:50,400
No, B.
53
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,560
Has he asked if you want breakfast?
Do I look like a Little Chef?
54
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,760
I'll sort you out, love.
Don't feed him, Mam.
55
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,240
He's not having a sleepover.
He's been kidnapped.
56
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,240
I'll knock us up
a round of toasties.
57
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,120
I hear you've been getting
all cocky with our Ryan,
58
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,600
threatening not to pay up.
59
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,120
You don't call the shots
round here, mate.
60
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,000
Me and my brothers do that.
61
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,760
If you don't pay,
you have to pay in other ways.
62
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,240
And he doesn't mean cheques.
63
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:24,560
What? Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, thank you.
64
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:27,360
No, I'm a married man.
Straight as a die.
65
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,360
And very much into women.
66
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,880
No, thank you. No, not gay stuff!
67
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,400
Oh, with her?
In your dreams!
68
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:41,000
Seven grand. Friday.
69
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,080
Seven? How come it's seven?
It was six yesterday.
70
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:47,120
We know you've got cash, Parker.
Nice big house.
71
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,760
And that is a dead posh school
your girl goes to.
72
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:55,320
You can do what you like to me,
but stay away from my daughter.
73
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,160
I can't promise anything, mate.
74
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:02,480
I'd leave that a minute. Burn
the bastard mouth off you, them.
75
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,880
It's the beans. They're like lava.
76
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,200
People are suing.
It was on That's Life!
77
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:12,280
Oh... Look, tell him
I can pay the money back.
78
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,680
Please. I just need more time, eh?
79
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:19,640
Remember, God never closes a door
without opening a window. OK.
80
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,440
I can give you a bit more time
if you want.
81
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:27,280
Oh, that'd be great. Thanks.
Just need to do a little job.
82
00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:30,520
What's that?
Different type of white goods, that.
83
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:34,000
Drugs?! No, no. No way.
If you give it back now,
84
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,480
it'll still have your prints
all over it, mate.
85
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,040
Needs dropping off by tomorrow.
86
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,920
No. No, you've got
the wrong fella, mate.
87
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,200
This is not me.
I'm not into drugs.
88
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,680
In fact, I'm very anti drugs.
89
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,760
Ah, poor wee Zammo.
90
00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:51,280
Hey... No, forget it.
91
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:53,760
I am not doing a drug drop.
92
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,040
People know me.
I'm a pillar in the community.
93
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,920
I've got a recognisable face.
That's your problem.
94
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,400
Grow a beard.
What, by tomorrow?
95
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,440
Yeah.
96
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:11,200
Oh, come on, Diane. You can do this.
You can do this. Come on. Oh...
97
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,480
What are we doing? Ah!
98
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,200
Where are we?
99
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,720
What the hell? Have you been here
all the time?
100
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,400
Yeah. I didn't want to wake
Gladys last night.
101
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,360
It's very comfy, actually.
What is wrong with you?!
102
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,200
Oh! I feel like I've been dug up.
103
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,080
You do look a bit rough, bless.
104
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,480
Maybe you're coming down
with summat, Di.
105
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,720
I think it might have something
to do with the amount of alcohol
106
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:40,240
we had last night. Yeah.
Might be that pill off Bev.
107
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,040
Why? What was in it?
I don't know.
108
00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,480
Well, I feel absolutely terrible.
109
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,840
This doesn't feel like
a normal hangover.
110
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:51,520
What a night, though, eh?
What a night! Right laugh.
111
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,720
I've not had a night like that
for...ever.
112
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,440
Well, I had fun.
Yes, I saw. Everyone saw.
113
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:02,800
I tell you what,
that man was all over me
114
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:07,000
like a pigeon on a chip.
Man? He was barely legal, Kath.
115
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,360
Feeling a little bit tender now,
though, if I'm honest with you.
116
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,640
He's mauled you!
You know what they say.
117
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:16,400
Best way to get over a man is...
get under another one.
118
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,400
Classy.
119
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,240
What are you doing? Just get...
120
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,120
Oh, Kath, please!
Can you just wait, please?
121
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,200
I'm sorry.
Feet off the seats, please!
122
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,640
SHE EXHALES
123
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,600
What are we doing back here, anyway?
124
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,600
Turns out this is
Martin's accountant's place.
125
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,720
Oh, aye. What's her name?
126
00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,360
Alan. Alan?
127
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:39,240
Called me this morning.
Said he's got something for me.
128
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,040
Hmm. Has he now?
I don't know what it is.
129
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,600
He was in a phone box,
and the pips were going.
130
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,360
Desperate to see me. Oh?
131
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,840
Maybe he can shed some light
on all this funny business.
132
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:52,920
I'll come in with you.
I don't think so. Come on.
133
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,400
Let me help you.
134
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,000
I tell you, I could flirt with him,
get the info.
135
00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:01,200
Is he single? Yes, he is. Oh, but
that's not your usual type, is it?
136
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,280
I'll give it a bash.
137
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,640
See where we get.
138
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,360
I'll have him.
139
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,120
You're going to have to get out,
mate.
140
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,880
Can I borrow 40p for the bus?
141
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,040
SHE MUTTERS
142
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:24,080
See if Diane's got anything.
143
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,360
Cheers.
Get yourself a drink or summat.
144
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,040
Oh...
145
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,960
Yes. Let's do this.
146
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,320
You got any mints?
147
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:41,840
Got your Racing Post,
bag of bonbons
148
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:46,440
and there's a little something else
in there for you. Know what I mean?
149
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:49,000
Well, if it's grapes,
I hope they're soft,
150
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,160
cos I've not brought me teeth.
151
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,520
What the bloody hell is that for?
Revenge.
152
00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:01,240
He'll be shitting teeth
by the time we've finished with him.
153
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,520
Are you going to do it?
154
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,360
ALAN GRUNTS
155
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:10,320
I didn't know that...
you two knew about each other.
156
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,800
SHE GIGGLES
157
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:15,160
You must be Kath.
Who wants to know?
158
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,040
This is nice.
159
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,360
Thank you.
St Michael's, but...M&S.
160
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:28,120
Oh. Sexy.
161
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:32,520
Do you know who'd look good
wearing that? Who?
162
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,920
The floor.
163
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,840
My bedroom floor.
164
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,440
Yeah.
165
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,680
KATH EXHALES
166
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:44,440
SHE MUTTERS
I'm sorry. I messed up...
167
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,040
I don't know what I'm saying.
Did anyone follow you here?
168
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,400
No, no, no, no. Absolutely not.
Are you going away?
169
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,000
Look...I'm going to stay
with some friends of mine.
170
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,240
Edwin and Andrew. They run
a guesthouse in Brighton.
171
00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,960
Oh, nice. The Purple Pickle.
Cut the crap, Alan.
172
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:07,120
Why are we here? Mrs Parker,
you are both getting screwed.
173
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:10,880
Er, no. No, thank you. We're not
into any of that sister shit.
174
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,120
We're only just back
on speaking terms.
175
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:17,000
No, no, I'm... I'm just the numbers
man. And I wanted to tell you
176
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:21,520
you've both been named as
shareholders on the business.
177
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:25,120
It's a classic tax dodge.
Can I stop you there, Alan?
178
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:28,520
What star sign are you? Virgo?
179
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:33,080
Kath, please. Sorry, Alan.
180
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,520
What does that actually mean?
181
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:39,280
Well, it means that if you two
put your shares together,
182
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:43,680
you'd have a majority over him.
Yeah? You could force him out.
183
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:46,760
Out of what?
Out of the business.
184
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:51,440
You'd have a majority share.
You'd own Parker's outright.
185
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,400
Both of you.
186
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:57,560
For years,
he's treated me like dirt.
187
00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:59,360
Spoke to me like I was nothing.
188
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,920
Now I'll never let anyone
speak to me like that.
189
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,400
I've been completely loyal to him,
190
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:11,120
and he's just thrown it all back
in my face. He's a narcissist.
191
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,880
It's time that man
got his comeuppance.
192
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,800
It's a bit dramatic.
193
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:21,360
Ladies, if we work together,
we can ruin him.
194
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,720
The business is his baby.
195
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:28,080
If we take it off him,
he's got nothing.
196
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:31,560
It's a good business, too.
He's just made poor decisions.
197
00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:34,080
You two, you could make it
great again.
198
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,440
And what do you
get out of this, Alan?
199
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,360
Nothing, apart from complete
and utter enjoyment
200
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,400
at witnessing his downfall.
201
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:46,440
Wouldn't you like that, too? After
everything he's done to you,
202
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,560
I mean, you must be livid.
203
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:54,120
Go to his office and get
that shareholder agreement.
204
00:10:55,880 --> 00:11:00,400
Filing cabinet, top drawer,
blue folder.
205
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:04,040
You will need that
for proof for the bank.
206
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,280
Any questions?
207
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:09,160
Yeah.
208
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:11,360
Why is it called
the Purple Pickle?
209
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,760
I did warn you.
Told you they were hot.
210
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,680
Stick your tongue
under the cold tap
211
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:26,880
and don't go making a mess
in there. I've just Jiffed.
212
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:29,920
Bastard.
213
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,000
Mirror In The Bathroom
by The Beat
214
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,520
please talk free
215
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:56,240
just you and me
216
00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,320
Oh, you forgot
the other boot, you wanker.
217
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,160
HE GASPS
218
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,720
HAMMERING ON DOOR
219
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:15,000
Come on, Parker.
What are you playing at?
220
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,080
What is Kilroy up to in there?
221
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:21,000
Better not be taking a dump.
Dragged up.
222
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,040
HE YELLS
223
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:44,840
Bus stop.
224
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,840
Yeah. You forget about buses,
don't you?
225
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,800
Oh, for fuck's sake.
226
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,760
Little vandals!
227
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,360
BUS APPROACHES
Oh!
228
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,320
Sorry, love. Bit of a rush.
229
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:05,000
Where to? Er, town, please.
40p. What?
230
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:09,720
No... I don't suppose
you'd take a cheque? 40p cash,
231
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:13,440
or 95 for a Day Saver.
Look, this is very embarrassing.
232
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,720
You probably recognise my face
from the telly?
233
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,720
Martin Parker.
Parker's Electricals.
234
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,120
"Top deal. What an offer!"
235
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:24,000
Eh? No. Well,
if you bring me into town,
236
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,000
you can have whatever electrical
device you want under 20 quid.
237
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,080
SodaStream for the kiddies,
kettle for the Mrs.
238
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,000
Two. What?
239
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,480
Two SodaStreams,
you got yourself a deal.
240
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:39,120
Don't worry, love. I'll pay for him.
Ha-ha! For a Walkman.
241
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:42,760
What?! Here y'are, mate.
I'll do it for one SodaStream.
242
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,760
Yeah. All right, all right. You can
all have whatever you want. Just go!
243
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,080
HE HISSES
244
00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:00,000
You're bloody tapped, you.
What the hell are you thinking?
245
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,760
We need him gone. He's poison.
246
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,000
If you don't do something,
he'll never stop. You know that.
247
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,040
So you want me to kill the man?
248
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,520
No. Just scare him off.
249
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:15,240
With a blunt bread knife?
They'll lock me up.
250
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:19,000
So they'll throw you
in Strangeways. I can visit.
251
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:23,760
You get three meals a day.
And they've just had a new roof.
252
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:27,560
Bloody hell, Gladys. I'm on pills
here for blood pressure.
253
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:32,240
This'll see me off, never mind him.
Well, if you won't do it, I will.
254
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:36,160
We need to do this for Kath.
And Diane.
255
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:38,880
If you like.
256
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,680
Do you mind dropping me off? I'm
still in last night's knickers,
257
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,480
and I've got a demi wave at two.
Fine.
258
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,480
He's a bit intense, that Alan,
in't he? Typical Virgo.
259
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,480
Did you know about this? What?
260
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,640
Did you know that he put your name
down on the business, too?
261
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:59,000
Did I hell?
Martin never talks to me about work.
262
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,360
I'm not interested. You've seen
one toaster, you've seen 'em all.
263
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:06,000
Well, why did he put your name down,
then? I don't know. Tax stuff.
264
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:10,200
That's what Alan said. And I was
just starting to feel sorry for you.
265
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,240
Honest, Di. I didn't have a clue.
266
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,920
You do realise you are stealing
my kids' inheritance?
267
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:18,640
No. No, I'm not. I promise you.
268
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,920
Look, I'll prove it. I can get
Martin to give me the document.
269
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:26,680
I've got my ways. Trust me.
270
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,320
What have you come as?
271
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,600
Where have you been? Cobbler's.
272
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:42,960
Dropped me boot off on the way in,
getting re-heeled. Weird.
273
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,440
Julie... Julie!
274
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:53,600
What the hell's this doing here?
Oh, some lad dropped it off.
275
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,320
Cocky little shit.
Didn't look like a cobbler.
276
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,760
Brought his bike into t'shop
and were doing bunny hops
277
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:01,720
near t'chest freezers.
You've only just missed him.
278
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,640
Anyway, he said you'd know
what it were.
279
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,760
So I just need to check up
on a few things...Lee.
280
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,560
I don't normally involve myself
in this side of things.
281
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,000
Martin, my husband,
normally does the money.
282
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,400
Never get married, Lee!
I'm engaged.
283
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:34,480
Trust me. Walk away now.
She's six months pregnant. Twins.
284
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:37,040
She's massive. Congratulations.
285
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:40,640
So, just out of curiosity, it's just
like a little fun exercise,
286
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:46,960
if one was to leave one's husband,
what would happen?
287
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,720
I'm not really qualified
to talk about that kind of thing.
288
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,400
Mmm. I've only been here eight
months. I'm usually on the counter.
289
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:56,760
Oh. Not really enjoying it,
if I'm honest. Not sure it's for me.
290
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,240
Yeah. No, I just meant,
you know, hypothetically,
291
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,680
in a financial kind of way.
292
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:03,040
I mean, I'm not going to leave
him, obviously, but if I did,
293
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:06,000
it's just good to know...
I get it. Say no more.
294
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,600
One of them, is he?
Let's have a butcher's.
295
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:16,600
So, your accounts
have looked better. What's that?
296
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,120
You've remortgaged the house.
I beg your pardon?
297
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:24,040
Several missed payments on loans.
That isn't good. I do know that.
298
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:27,720
Loans? No, dear God, no.
We don't have any loans.
299
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,600
It's all there, all that red,
the whole screen, really.
300
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,000
Can you check again? I think
you've got the wrong details.
301
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,960
No, it's Parker. Parker.
P for prick. A for arsehole.
302
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,600
Sorry... Can you just...? Can
you just check again, please?
303
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,520
It's all there. It's not good.
I'm flushing.
304
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,680
Can you tell me how much money
I do have, Lee?
305
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,400
Can you at least tell me that,
please?
306
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,640
AIR HORN BLASTS, SHE SHRIEKS
307
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:49,640
Come on. You're on.
We're cycling to Paris for Pudsey.
308
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:53,840
What? It's my turn.
Best of luck with it. Right...
309
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:58,080
Hi, Mrs Parker.
It's me Dave. Dave Jackson.
310
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,120
You go to aqua aerobics
with me mum. Winnie Jackson?
311
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,720
Oh, Winnie. Yes, Winnie.
Yes. Lovely, lovely Winnie.
312
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,840
So... How nice. You wait
till I tell her I served you.
313
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,560
She's going to be proper made up.
314
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,680
Right, then...
What are we looking at here?
315
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,000
BELL RINGS, SHE GASPS
316
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,680
CHEERING
317
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,720
We've made it to Kent!
Oh, brilliant.
318
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,520
Pam?
319
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:24,360
Pam, t'monitor's on t'blink again.
Huh?
320
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,360
What have I told you about knocking?
321
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,760
And just for t'record,
that's one of my teabags from home.
322
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,960
Oh, and guess
who was in t'shop earlier.
323
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,080
That Rita Pelly.
324
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,200
Worked here in t' summer. Minger.
325
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,840
Well...she's come into some money.
How much money? Shitload.
326
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,880
What did you say her name was again?
Rita. You sacked her.
327
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:56,080
Oh, bollocks.
Walking around like that.
328
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:57,920
Like she's royalty or summat.
329
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,440
Bragging cos she's got
satellite telly.
330
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,560
Still got a face
like a bulldog licking its...
331
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,280
Thank you, Julie.
332
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:06,480
Have you phoned Diane
333
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,480
to remind her about dinner
at Sandy's tonight?
334
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,040
Yeah, it's on my list.
335
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,400
Oh, what's up with that kettle?
336
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,800
Broke. I'm sending it back.
337
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,360
Speaking of kettles...tea?
338
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:17,520
Hmm.
339
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,320
HE GULPS AND SWALLOWS NOISILY
340
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,920
OK.
But I'm re-using the same bag.
341
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:54,920
Is Martin around?
342
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,520
Thank you.
343
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,120
There you go.
344
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,640
Hi, mate, just nipping up.
Oh, sorry, Kath. Not today.
345
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,520
He said no visitors. He'll go
mad if I let anyone up.
346
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:09,760
He's in a right old grump.
347
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:13,680
Oh. I think he's been out on the
sauce. Came in with one shoe on.
348
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,600
Some lad on a bike
delivered t'other.
349
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,480
But, hey, nowt to do with me.
350
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:18,920
Right.
351
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,120
You look pretty.
352
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,880
Have you changed your hair?
353
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,440
I'm just growing it out
for t'wedding.
354
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,800
Have you booked
your hairdresser for the big day?
355
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,920
Do you think I need one?
It'd be a nice treat.
356
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:34,120
Yeah. I can do your hair
for you if you want.
357
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:35,800
Would you?
I can do any style.
358
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,440
I can do curls, chignons...
359
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,000
..and blue rinse.
360
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,400
Maybe just a bit
of backcombing?
361
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,560
I'm just going to nip up
to the office to use the phone.
362
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:47,240
I'm going to need to order
some more lacquer.
363
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,480
DOOR OPENS
Oh, for fuck...
364
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,640
Now is not a good time, Kath.
365
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:05,520
I don't give a frig if you think
it's a good time, Martin.
366
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:06,960
Go home, Kath.
367
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,360
Please, just go home.
368
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,400
I don't have a home, remember?
369
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,200
I'm top-and-tailing
with an 80-year-old.
370
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,320
And believe you me, it's no fun
waking up next to them trotters.
371
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:30,720
Did you get my fax?
372
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:34,960
And?
373
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,000
HE SIGHS
374
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:44,880
What are you doing?
375
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:47,320
It's sexy time, Martin.
376
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,000
Body Talk by Imagination
377
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,120
Ooh.
378
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,400
No, Kath, don't do this to me!
379
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,240
No, Kath.
380
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:08,760
Yes, Martin.
381
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,360
It's our song.
382
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,320
Searchin' for breath
383
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:41,480
is such a beautiful thing
384
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:47,200
ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS
385
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,000
All right, Diane?
How's it going?
386
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,240
Martin said to remind you about
some dinner thing tonight
387
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:53,760
at Sandy Cooper's.
388
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:55,880
Taxi is booked for half six.
389
00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:58,440
Yeah, hang on.
390
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,120
I think I need to put that.
Yeah. I'm booking a taxi
391
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:03,320
for half six. Have a nice time.
392
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,000
Um, I'm going to t'pictures.
393
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,040
I'm off to see RoboCop two.
394
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:14,680
I've not even seen
the first one.
395
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:17,440
Thank you.
396
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:18,840
ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS
397
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,200
HE SIGHS
398
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,200
I miss this.
399
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:27,920
I miss us.
400
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,160
I've ballsed up.
401
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,240
Yeah. Big style.
402
00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,320
I'm in deep shit.
403
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,240
It's endless, Kath.
404
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,680
The shit is never-ending.
405
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:44,320
I'm in never-ending deep shit.
406
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:45,600
Oh, shit.
407
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,760
HE SIGHS
I've been stupid.
408
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,320
Really stupid.
409
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,800
Got involved with
a bunch of dodgy people.
410
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,120
I borrowed a bit of money,
you know,
411
00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,640
to keep the wolf from the door.
And now they want it back.
412
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,920
And they keep wanting
more and more.
413
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,960
I'm getting it together.
414
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,240
I'm just under
a grand and a half shy.
415
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,240
But...if I don't...
416
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,520
Oh, bloody hell.
417
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:13,880
Who? Who are they?
418
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,520
The Slater brothers.
419
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:17,760
I did it for us.
420
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,960
For me and you.
421
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:25,000
You do silly things
when you're in love, don't you?
422
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,240
Well, tell me about it.
I once had a pixie cut
423
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,400
cos you said you had
a thing for Twiggy.
424
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,840
That did nothing for you, that.
425
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,000
It's breaking my heart
seeing you like this, Martin.
426
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,680
Now, I don't have much,
427
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:42,520
but you can have whatever
I can get my hands on.
428
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:43,960
I get paid tomorrow.
429
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,840
You can have that.
You can have it all.
430
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:49,400
Although I do owe Gladys
for, like, sugar and stuff.
431
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:50,960
I need to pay that.
432
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,360
And a couple of quid
for the catalogue.
433
00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:54,560
You don't have to do that.
434
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,600
Oh, and I sponsored
Betty's grandson.
435
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,440
He's just walked up
Scafell Pike
436
00:24:58,440 --> 00:24:59,840
dressed as Miss Piggy
for Ethiopians.
437
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:03,520
But after that, you can
have all of it. All of it.
438
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,520
Nobody's going to hurt you,
Martin.
439
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,200
We'll sort this.
440
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,560
I don't deserve you.
441
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,480
Would you like my lucky pebble?
442
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:15,720
Nah.
443
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,120
Oh...
444
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,920
I love you, Kath Pennington.
445
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,880
Oh, Martin... Right.
446
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,480
Ooh!
447
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:32,880
Sisters.
448
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,320
We've got each other now.
449
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,560
FILING CABINET RATTLES
What are you doing?
450
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,880
Go on.
You've distracted me enough.
451
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,760
Oh, Gladys...
452
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,000
Ballsed up again.
453
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,360
I'm sure he's got
some kind of voodoo over me.
454
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,000
It's like
an out-of-body experience.
455
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,200
I just can't stop myself.
456
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:13,040
What's that? It's a kettle.
457
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:14,880
Yours is bust.
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
458
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:16,440
Oh, God.
Diane's going to go ape.
459
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,760
Went in there all, like,
strong and stuff,
460
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,400
and before you know it,
bra's off, knickers down.
461
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:22,600
That'll be the fax.
462
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,280
I'm telling you, men can't
resist a good pair of tits,
463
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:26,760
even in black and white.
464
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,760
Oh, God.
What is wrong with me?
465
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,360
Bloody hell, Kath.
Do you never learn?
466
00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:33,680
I take it you don't want
his kettle, then?
467
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:34,960
It's here now.
468
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,920
If a bloke ever got me
a kettle,
469
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:38,520
I'd knock his bastard teeth
out wi' it.
470
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,160
I'm not that fussy.
471
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,400
Used to do it for an egg
in the war.
472
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,960
I would now, to be honest.
473
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:48,760
He won't notice.
474
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,680
Christ on a bike! Where is it?
475
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,480
Don't know why
you're making such a fuss.
476
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,880
It was on the side, Julie.
It was on the side!
477
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:58,280
Who's going to nick a bust kettle?
478
00:26:58,280 --> 00:26:59,560
Who...
479
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:07,920
Klepto Kath! Should've known.
480
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,520
Oh, would now be a good time
to ask for next Monday off?
481
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,480
I've got a big christening due
on Sunday, and I don't want
482
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,320
to have to get up early
to call in sick.
483
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,040
Shall I take that as a yes?
484
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,440
He's told me everything.
Everything.
485
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,840
And I can't tell you,
cos it's confidential.
486
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,040
But I can't tell you
that it's bad.
487
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:29,080
Mm.
488
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:32,280
I know he's a bastard and that.
He's a broken man.
489
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,360
What the bloody hell is this?
490
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:35,880
Is it a free gift?
491
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:37,120
Oh.
492
00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:40,000
Happen they're mints.
No, they're not mints.
493
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,520
What does the note say?
494
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,480
"450 love doves"?
495
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,320
Is that an address?
496
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:47,640
I don't know.
497
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,400
No. No, it's not an address.
498
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:54,040
Ladies, we've only gone
and hit the fucking jackpot.
499
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,800
Oh, what are you on about?
500
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,040
These bad boys
are ecstasy tablets.
501
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:00,200
There's a fair few grand worth
here, easy.
502
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,920
KNOCK ON DOOR
Hello!
503
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:02,960
I'll make a brew.
504
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:05,960
Did you get it?
505
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:07,880
Hiya. You look pretty.
506
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:09,360
You didn't get it, did you?
507
00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:11,920
I went there. I did. But that
Julie wouldn't let me up.
508
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,800
She had to practically
wrestle me to the ground,
509
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,520
I was trying that hard
to get in. It's not my fault.
510
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:16,960
CAR PULLS UP
Oh, bollocks.
511
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,360
She's got massive hands.
512
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:21,800
What's he doing here?
Oh, shit.
513
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,400
He can't see us together.
Not... Not... Not yet.
514
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,880
Oh, shit.
What are we going to do?
38796
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