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1
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:11,745
[***]
2
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,046
* Oh my, oh my,*
3
00:00:13,146 --> 00:00:14,948
got a lot on my mind.*
4
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:16,449
* Oh my, oh my,*
5
00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:19,152
* it's messy but it's mine.*
6
00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:23,056
* The Kouncil*
7
00:00:24,924 --> 00:00:30,697
* I've got a new favorite spot
in the house.*
8
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:39,673
* Light the candles up
and turn the lights out.*
9
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,809
[Clacking of keyboard]
10
00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:44,678
- Xavier.
11
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,447
-Hey.
-Hey.
12
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,282
I just need, like, five
minutes of your time, tops.
13
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,317
- Yeah, I don't really have
time to talk right now.
14
00:00:51,751 --> 00:00:53,920
- Okay, listen, I was very
overwhelmed last week,
15
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:56,189
and I just wasn't in
the right headspace.
16
00:00:56,289 --> 00:00:58,224
- You're overwhelmed because
you were thinking that Seth
17
00:00:58,324 --> 00:01:00,760
was gonna be there,
so you bailed, right?
18
00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,062
Seth is my friend.
19
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:03,897
We talked about it.
20
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:07,767
You were there
to see him and not me.
21
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:09,202
It's pretty clear.
22
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,237
- Look, what I had
going on with Seth,
23
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,807
it was not fair to involve you.
24
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,343
You were very, very nice,
and I just want to apologize.
25
00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:20,680
- Nice, right?
26
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,517
But girls don't like nice guys,
right?
27
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:27,287
They like the ones that
barely pay them any mind,
28
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:30,190
treat them like shit,
and you know what?
29
00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:34,127
Maybe I should just be
an asshole for once.
30
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:35,962
Might work out better for me.
31
00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:38,131
Take a page out of your book.
32
00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:39,366
- Xavier.
33
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:40,667
- Look...
34
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:44,371
I hope that whatever you
got going on works out for you.
35
00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:45,438
I'm done.
36
00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:47,207
Excuse me.
37
00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:52,278
- Well, we tried.
38
00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:54,214
And he's probably gonna
go on to do the same thing
39
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:55,315
to the next girl.
40
00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:57,183
- And the vicious
cycle continues.
41
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,886
- Well, another one
bites the dust.
42
00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:02,655
All right, ladies, who's next?
43
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,658
[Groans]
44
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,698
[***]
45
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,768
- We could just not text her,
you know, never talk again.
46
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:15,935
Let this bridge burn.
47
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,405
- See, this is why I can't let
any of y'all run the meetings.
48
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,440
- Okay, all right, guys,
let's get serious.
49
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:21,875
We have to text her.
50
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,009
What are we gonna say?
51
00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:23,910
- Okay.
All right, fine.
52
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:24,811
Never mind.
53
00:02:24,911 --> 00:02:25,912
Umm...
54
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:28,748
All right, if our best friend
said the meanest thing
55
00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:29,916
in the world to us,
56
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:31,317
what would we want her to do?
57
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,453
- I'd tell her to choke
on a dick, but that's just me.
58
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:38,324
- Valid, but if it were us, we
would want her to apologize.
59
00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:41,127
- Okay.
All right, let's text her.
60
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,562
All right.
Pull out your phone.
61
00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:43,730
Help me out, ladies.
62
00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:45,899
Hey, girl.
Okay, don't.
63
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:46,633
Don't fucking do that.
64
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:47,233
Don't.
Don't sing, don't sing.
65
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,435
Don't send a voice memo.
66
00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:50,437
Um... "have we gone
wedding dress shopping?"
67
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:51,571
Okay, stop.
68
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,440
- Just tell her
what's in your heart.
69
00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:55,175
Uh...
70
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:56,609
- Okay.
71
00:02:56,710 --> 00:03:00,213
"Hey, Alanna, I've been thinking
a lot about what I said,
72
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:02,248
and it wasn't fair to you,
and I was frustrated,
73
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,116
and I'm really sorry.
74
00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:04,984
You didn't deserve that."
75
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:06,353
- You should add a heart emoji.
76
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:08,188
- For the love of God,
do not put a fucking emoji
77
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:09,923
in the serious-ass text.
78
00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:18,732
Why don't you put that bad boy
on "do not disturb," okay?
79
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:23,003
That was great.
That was great, ladies.
80
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,474
- Let me go send out
more applications.
81
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:39,319
[***]
82
00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:45,925
[***]
83
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:49,396
- Real quick, what are we
hoping to get out of this?
84
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,532
- I need to know, after
everything we've been through,
85
00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:53,867
why he cheated.
86
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:57,137
- What if we find out
it was my fault?
87
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,471
- What are you even
talking about?
88
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:01,041
- What if he cheated
because I wasn't enough?
89
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,144
- Does it matter?
90
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,379
- Well, Heart,
you have your place.
91
00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:08,248
Logic, you have yours.
92
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:09,849
But I've never
been able to know,
93
00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:12,318
do I add to our value
or do I diminish it?
94
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,720
- I think that's a really
good question,
95
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:18,291
but in today's society, I don't
have an answer, you know?
96
00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:19,859
But don't let anyone
make you believe
97
00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:20,627
that you're the reason
98
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:22,295
someone stepped out
on a relationship
99
00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:24,831
or the reason that they left.
100
00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:29,069
Nothing diminishes
your value, you know?
101
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:32,272
Do what you want with your body.
If you want to have sex, do it.
102
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:33,406
If you don't, don't.
103
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,208
- Okay.
104
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,377
- So do we got this?
105
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,479
- We got this.
106
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:46,853
[***]
107
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,057
- Hey.
- Hey.
108
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,396
- Please, sit.
109
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,337
You look... good.
110
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:05,605
- Thanks.
111
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,609
This feels weird.
112
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,011
- Yeah.
113
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:16,516
So, how have you been?
114
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,118
- Really?
115
00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:22,288
- Right.
Dumb question.
116
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,424
- Look, I don't want to
waste either of our time,
117
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:25,959
so I'm just gonna
get right to it.
118
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:28,495
Why did you cheat on me?
119
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,331
- Uh... I...
120
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:34,334
I didn't do it to...
hurt your feelings.
121
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:37,404
I just acted in the moment.
122
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,108
- Was it worth it?
123
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,310
- Katie, I...
124
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:46,212
I liked you a lot.
125
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:49,449
And I liked her, too.
126
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:52,285
There was a lot
going on at the time.
127
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:54,387
I didn't really think
about it much past that.
128
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:56,656
But I will say, I was selfish,
129
00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:57,624
having you both.
130
00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:58,591
I was.
131
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:02,996
But then you left
and she was still there.
132
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:03,797
- You know, I never noticed
how pathetic he was.
133
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:04,397
I just...
134
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,569
- This is who we lost
our confidence for?
135
00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:13,273
- Yeah, suddenly this all
seems so irrelevant.
136
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,808
- Mm-hmm.
137
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:16,676
- I did nothing wrong.
138
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:18,078
- No, no, no.
139
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:18,778
I... oh, I mean,
140
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,380
you left and she
was still there.
141
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,649
And I... I like both of you.
142
00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:23,483
I do.
143
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,585
It's just...
144
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,321
- I moved out alone.
145
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:31,291
And then I went through every
comment you and horse girl made.
146
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,926
- It's Talia.
- Who gives a fuck?
147
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:33,927
- Okay...
148
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,262
I literally replayed
the last six months.
149
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,599
Had to scrape
my self-worth off the floor.
150
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,035
Came this close
to cutting myself bangs.
151
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,204
Do you see how small
my fucking forehead is?
152
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:45,638
That would have looked horrible.
153
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:49,275
I had to charge my fucking
crystals underneath the moon
154
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,177
during Mercury retrograde.
155
00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:54,147
- Uh, back up.
Mercury retro wave?
156
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,150
- Shut the fuck up, okay?
157
00:06:57,517 --> 00:07:00,453
All of that
for you not to have a reason?
158
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:03,223
- Hey.
159
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:05,759
- She's so pretty.
160
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,193
- 'Bout damn time.
161
00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:08,695
Left me alone with these two.
162
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:13,366
- Oh, and if he's right about
one thing, we do look good.
163
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,201
- Look...
164
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:16,670
- I did nothing wrong.
165
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,639
- Atta girl.
You tell him.
166
00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:23,777
- You know what?
This was... thank you.
167
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,178
- What's happening?
168
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,613
- Oh, I'm gonna go.
169
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,448
I actually got
what I needed here.
170
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,150
But you have a good life.
171
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,819
Give me that fucking bread.
172
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:34,621
- Oh!
173
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:36,756
Okay.
All right.
174
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:37,757
Take that bread.
175
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:43,163
- That was amazing.
176
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,704
[Sings]
- Happy birthday to me.
177
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:55,175
Happy birthday to me,
happy birthday, dear Katie...
178
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:55,742
All of us.
179
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:58,611
Happy birthday to me.
180
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,747
Whoo!
181
00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:05,685
- Our brain is done developing.
182
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:08,188
We should go rent a car.
Throw out our backs.
183
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,322
I'm feeling it.
184
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,824
- Okay.
185
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,692
[Knocking]
186
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,836
[***]
187
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,738
- Hey.
- Hey.
188
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,108
- You're a real bitch,
189
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,746
but I've never
missed a birthday.
190
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,684
[***]
191
00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:42,322
- Oh, my God.
Is this Bath and Body Works?
192
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,290
Shit, you are better than me,
I'll tell you that much.
193
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,425
- Obviously.
194
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,460
Has that always been there?
195
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,529
- Oh, no.
That bitch broke for a bit.
196
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:50,630
She's up there now.
197
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:52,332
- Is it just tape?
198
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,633
- No, superglued.
199
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,669
Yeah, yeah.
200
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:59,539
You want to order some food,
get some wine, talk some shit?
201
00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:01,241
- Absolutely.
I do.
202
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:02,308
Yes.
Yes.
203
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:04,344
What was wrong with you?
You were like PMSing all week.
204
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:05,779
- I know.
205
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,247
No, I think Seth gave me
gonorrhea of the mouth, but...
206
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,448
[Giggling]
207
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,350
*...move, move, my body *
208
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:14,187
Both: * This and that way
make my hip sway. *
209
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:18,058
* This and that way
make my hips whoop. *
210
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:21,561
* This and that way
make my hips sway. *
211
00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:24,831
* This and that way... *
212
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,102
- 25.
Damn!
213
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,771
All right, well,
the world is our oyster.
214
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,707
Do we have any money
in the savings account?
215
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:34,607
I don't think we do.
216
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,676
Are we still
on Mom's phone plan?
217
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:38,912
Are we the last of our friends
to get married?
218
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,580
Oh, my God.
219
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,482
No, we're the last
of our friends to be single.
220
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,483
Oh, that's even worse.
221
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,351
Okay.
All right.
222
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,386
Do we have any life insurance?
223
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,388
What even is an IRFA?
224
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:51,758
IRFA?
M... YMCA.
225
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,493
What is it?
I don't even know.
226
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,195
Is it Medicare or Medicaid?
227
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:58,098
By the way, the IRS letter came.
You might want to lawyer up.
228
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,533
I had no idea what we
were doing on our taxes.
229
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:01,768
I think you owe about $15,000.
230
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,370
We might want to look into that.
231
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,205
Also, when is the last time
we went to the dentist?
232
00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:07,507
Did you know that a root canal
actually leads to heart disease?
233
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,775
We might want to look into that.
234
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:10,110
Back again
to the life insurance.
235
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,746
We really should
look into that as well.
236
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,547
Should we freeze our eggs?
237
00:10:14,647 --> 00:10:15,849
What are we even doing?
238
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:17,951
- Oh, shit.
239
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:19,753
- Is this...
240
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:23,390
- Is this a quarter-life crisis?
241
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,825
[***]
242
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:27,560
* Put me on a beach,*
243
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:32,732
* we're gonna have a good time
(on top of the world).*
244
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,168
* Grab anybody you meet,*
245
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:39,873
* they can join in the sunshine
(on top of the world).*
246
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:43,610
* You'll feel better
at the end of the day,*
247
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:47,347
* gonna drive all
the darkness away.*
248
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:53,253
[***]
249
00:10:54,320 --> 00:11:00,393
[***]
250
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,963
* Whoa!*
251
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,232
* Yeah!*
17123
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