All language subtitles for The Scotts s03e03.eng

I just love your sister, boys.

Cannae help flatten that big sexy bum
bit.

I want yous to know that I'll never be
around by it. This is your seat here,

right beside my dad's chinos.

I have long -standing issues with my
dad.

He never taught me anything.

It can be a bit much when they all get
together, eh?

Enough!

I think it is time that Darren joined
our sisterhood.

Sisters. Sisters.

Sisters.

So, I decide to treat my ma to a wee
surprise visit.

You want to treat me? But let me know in
advance when you're coming, so I can

arrange to be out.

Somebody was insulating a law, and she
got them to bring down all the old boxes

lying up there so she could dump them.

And what's in these boxes?

Your things.

Your memories.

Your past.

Leave the past where it belongs.

in the bin.

Hey!

I thought it would be fun to get the
family over to go through all this stuff

together.

Can you believe that my ma was just
gonna throw this stuff out?

There'll be a lot of rubbish no worth
keeping. My ma's just no a hoarder.

Not like you.

Right, all right, Marie Kondo.

See, if you were just to keep the stuff
that sparks joy in you, the only thing

you'd have in your house is that Nick
Knows DVD about DIY disasters.

I can't put up a banister with it using
a stud finder.

Well, I was at my mum's last week and I
found my old Jamie Theakston calendar.

This'll be fun.

Yeah, my dad's old Celtic programmes are
in here.

I'll be keeping these. This'll remind me
of that Celtic Motherwell game my dad

said he would take me to.

But never did.

Aye, well.

The programme's just like being there,
ain't it?

Oh, everybody's here.

Can I look now?

Aw.

That old disco dancing costume.

You'd get 40 quid and boo -hoo for this.

Makes me boo -hoo that you think 40 quid
is a lot of money.

Shh. That's the wind down.

Let's try and keep the nose down a
wee... Oh, my little pony.

Dig deeper, Darren.

You might find a top wi' slaves.

Laura, Darren.

Hi. Since this lot will be wallowing in
nostalgia, I've set up a little surprise

treat for the sisterhood.

Really?

Sisters. Sisters.

Sisters.

Here's the thing about boxes up lofts.
There's always family secrets inside

them. And I'm going to find them.

Oh, hey.

That'll be my higher art folder.

Man!

Shinji's Evangelion. Well, I was going
through a wee Kadokawa shot -in period.

Coincided with canny -get -a -burden
period.

Can I take this and put it up on my wall
in my new place when I move out?

Mate, absolutely.

Listen, there's nobody else on this
planet I would trust, Mayor, with my

bio -machine.

Oh, yep.

Sis. Old Glen Campbell vinyl.

When was Glen no playing in the house,
eh?

I am a linesman at Ross County.

No, no, no, listen, do not disrespect
the greatest song ever written, mate,

right?

What is this?

That's a nun.

Do you get out of me, Jason?

Who is that?

I don't know.

Is that my granda?

No. My ma's gathered my dad's ashes at
Pollock Park.

My gran are granda Devlin?

No, they were buried.

Granny Scott, I know.

Grandascot? Aye.

He was cremated, but the family bent a
scar on my lard, and they all got pushed

and left them on the train.

Lost them.

Well, who could they be?

There's only one way to find out.

Let's talk to my mammy.

Now, you will have noticed that I look
amazing all of the time.

Aye.

Well, I'll let you in on one of my
secrets.

The Glam Squad.

On call 24 -7.

And today, ladies, they're all yours.

Laura, this way.

They're kind of like the Avengers.

If the Avengers were wee lassies with
infermline with too much make -up on.

Why are you sitting like that?

Who is Dean?

Nave to his Dean.

Well, no lately.

Who's us?

Oh, shite.

Well? No point in lying now.

It's your feather.

What?

This is amazing.

I've never been glam by a squad before.
What's your name, pal?

Emma. And that's a name you'll never
forget. Cos I am going to rock your

gorgeous. Oh, wow.

Glam me up.

These girls are so dramatic.

They're worth every penny.

A guy could get used to this.

You know, Darren,

as sisters, Laura and I tell one another
everything, don't we?

Everything? Pretty much.

We talk about our hopes and our dreams,
our sex lives.

I don't want to hear about Henry's Peely
Wally bum thrashing about or anything

like that.

That's too intense for me.

That's what the sisterhood's all about,
Darren.

Sharing. But we rarely get a chance to
properly talk with you.

Not with Colette standing guard
finishing all your six syllables.

So today we're going to relax, get glam,
and get to know Darren and what he

wants from life.

Colette! What do you want for life?

How can it be my da?

You scattered my da in Pollock Park.

I know I said I, but I never actually
did.

What?

He wanted his ashes scattered at Celtic
Park.

And he don't allow that?

No. But he liked Pollock Park.

So I went to sprinkle him round there.

Sprinkle? It's my da, no icing sugar.

Then I thought, bugger that.

He's no going there either.

How no?

Cos I like Pollock Park and I don't want
his spirit hanging about it like a duck

fart. So you put him up the loft?

I nearly poured him down a stank first
outside his local.

He went in the wardrobe, then the drying
cupboard, then the loft, then I forgot

all about him.

So you're telling me that my dad's been
in the house all these years, just being

ignored? What did you want me to do?
Make him mince and toties?

So what do you want us to do with him?

I've made my peace with that man.

Youse do what youse want with him.

Brown bin.

For organic matter, mind.

Mummy, go and stop.

Oh, look there, Jean.

Here's to take me away to the bingo,
aye.

I'm away.

Well, are we going to tell you?

What have you found?

The chance to discover some embarrassing
family photos hidden in these boxes.

Home time.

Gran hasn't changed.

We are going to uncover some dark family
secrets.

Do you think my da actually played with
these things?

I was a wee guy once.

It's literally impossible to imagine my
da as a wee guy.

Do you think he just walked about his
primary school with a wee toolbox to fix

something?

Miss, who put that shelf up?

Cowboys, miss.

Here's one of my dad's old school
chores.

Right, da.

Let's find out who you really are.

So,

what do you want to know?

I'll go first.

First crush.

Oh, you can speak freely in front of the
glam squad.

We're like priests.

We take it to the grave.

Okay.

My first crush was the Cadbury's Caramel
Bonnie.

For the adverts.

I remember her.

Aye. Lovely voice. Wee scarf.

Intelligent. New hunters about
chocolate.

She is a really amazing figure for a
rabbit.

Listen, don't tell Colette I told you
about the caramel bunny.

Why not?

She gets pure jealous about it.

I don't care if she's a drawn... She's a
fucking wee boot.

Let's get to the red meat.

Ultimate sexual fantasy.

Bonnie,

I'm getting a pure beamer here.

But I'll tell you's right.

My ultimate sexual fantasy is to take
Colette's bra off.

But you must have done that hundreds of
times.

Aye, and I cannae wait to do it again.

Oh, Darren, that is such a cute wee
sexual fantasy. You are so lovely.

Can I ask you's questions?

My ma says he wanted scattered at Celtic
Park.

It's not allowed.

What were his favourite places?

I'll tell you favourite places.

The pub, the bookies, and between Mary
Ferry's legs.

I don't think she'll let them scatter
him going there.

You know, there are other options that
don't involve just pouring him out like

shaken vac.

What options?

We could get the ashes turned into a
diamond.

That's a good idea.

He cannae turn my da into a diamond.

How no?

Cos he'll pawn himself to buy cans.

Stop talking about my da like that.

He's right there.

Henry.

Our wee daddy.

Jesus Christ.

Do you think I was lying in bed thinking
about him all these years and he was

right there the whole time?

Ten feet above my head.

In a cardboard box.

Beside he, man.

Listen, let me throw this out here.

Can I keep him?

Once upon a time, a little crab went to
a wishing well and wished for the

biggest claws in the world.

And the wish came true.

But then his claws were too big for his
body and he could not walk anywhere.

And he had no pennies to make another
wish.

And so he died.

The end.

Well,

my da once put his cell inside the mind
of a wee crab and created a tragic

fantasy. My da, that guy.

Well, there's your big family secret.

My da had an imagination once.

No,

there's more to be discovered.

Let's go.

Right, Bonnie, sister, here's a question
for you.

Hit me.

What's something that has made you cry
more than once?

God, Darren.

My two small dance shoes, which are two
sizes too small.

Were you going to go on a diet to fit
into them?

And lose weight on my feet.

Right enough.

I was young, in London, in skin, and I
spoke to my mum on the phone about my

dance shoes disintegrating.

And a week later, these arrived.

Silly pink laces.

Two sizes too small. She had no idea
what size my feet were.

I could never wear them, but oh God, I
love them.

I used to take them to every audition.

Every show.

Stuffed into my bag.

It was proof that my mum cared.

Even just a bit.

God, I'm off again.

Not just...

In our first flat, there was an old man
who lived next door, Mr

Leonardi.

And one Christmas day... Oh, God,
Christmas day.

What have I done?

Go and get more tissues from the van.

Vincent, you're not keeping them.

Henry,

I'll do something nice to him. You know,
some wee family photographs through

them, maybe some wee candles.

A shrine.

You're going to make the bastard a
shrine?

Stop it, Henry.

You always talk about my dar that he was
horrible.

You spoil my memories of him. You barely
remember him.

I remember he was good to me.

And kind.

And he would take me nice places.

When?

Loads of times.

You must be thinking of some dar off the
telly.

Johnny Briggsie's dar or something.

I mind my dar taking me and Vincent to
Sulcoats for the day.

And he bought his candy floss for the
van.

That was Henry that took you to
Salcote's.

Well, I mind my tooth came out.

And when my dad thought I was sleeping,
he put a pound under my pillow for the

tooth fairy.

More likely my ma put two pound under
there and he was stealing a pound after

you.

We'll be deciding what to do with your
ashes, my man. I'm just no having

keeping him like he's the king in there.

No after the way my dad treated him.

Look, my dad just didn't really get me,
all right?

I don't remember him being that bad. I
do.

I remember he would take me places and
leave you crying and begging at the door

to come I've always been a bit of a
crier butty anyway I can still hear you

calling after us I deserved it at times
but you know I was a bit of a boy A bit

of a boy?

I was You were a wee guy that drew wee
robot geangelion angelelions or whatever

it is Neo -Genesis Evangelion I was
annoying but I'm annoying you cannae

that You were a wien!

And he wouldn't give you the time of day
because you don't care about football

or boxing or... Well, maybe I should
have tried harder to get along with him

then. I'm not listening to this.

He's gone down the toilet.

Henry! Henry! Henry, geez, my da! Henry,
stop him!

Don't you spill my da!

He does not deserve for you to look
after him, Vincent.

It's not for him.

It's for me.

Maybe this whole thing has just been...
My da trying to find his way back to me.

Aye.

Back round the U -Bend.

What a stubborn shite.

I think a bit of my da maybe just went
up my nose there.

Maybe Henry's the one with a hazy
memory.

If my da was really that bad, I'd
remember.

I asked Mr Leonhardy what he was doing
for Christmas dinner.

He said that he was standing out with
his son and his family, but... Oh, no.

Henry found out that his son and family
had moved to America that year.

No. Oh, Laura!

And his forgiveness is so awful!

Darren! I'm sorry!

Oh!

Right, he is off questions.

We are back to finding out what Darren
wants.

If I Ginny offered you three crackers, I
wish each, what would it be?

Aren't these girls just amazing?

It's going to have to be.

I'm going to have to do all your mascara
again.

Dream phone.

What's dream phone?

You have to figure out what boys fancy
you.

You're all right.

Come on, I know you're essentially a
lesbian, but would you not still be

to find out what boys fancied you?

If I heard somebody fancied me, I'd be
on my dream phone to all the boys.

All right, Spencer?

You into me?

All right, Dale?

Dale? Dale, you into me?

Somebody's drawn love hearts on this
one.

Oh, my God, that looks exactly like
Darren.

Black beard, nae sleeves.

That is Darren.

Colette's not changed.

Lynne Weir is a cow.

I changed a bit.

Oh my God.

I found the dark family secret.

Well,

if I had one wish, I know what it is.

But it's scary to say it loud.

I wish I could get married.

Oh, Taryn.

Well,

she's right next door.

Make that wish come true.

I cannae.

Have you never heard Colette talk about
her getting married?

We cannae afford a wedding just now.

I want my big day to be special.

I'm not having a wee registry office
shiter after that Lynn Wears had her

wedding at actual Duck Bay Marina.

Well, the only way you're going to have
a wedding like Colette talks about is if

you win the lottery.

Which could happen.

The thing is,

we're hurting free.

I feel like I've already won the
lottery.

Oh, my heart just melted.

Do you hear the cringe I've got to put
up with?

How did a cynical wretch like me end up
in a gang with two of the most

sentimental, corny people in the land?

I'm actually quite fond of them, though.

A dark family secret uncovered?

Is it a murder?

Is it a sister who's really your mum?

No. It's worse.

It's... A Sega Mega Drive.

What? They never had a Sega Mega Drive.
Well, obviously they did stop shooting.

You don't understand.

Uncle Vincent hates Segas and people who
have Segas. He always says he would

never allow one in his house.

And yet, the box holds the truth.

I'm actually buzzing.

I've never uncovered a mystery before.

You better watch, Jason.

This is the kind of knowledge that gets
people killed.

I'm going to set that mega drive up.

I cannae wait to see his face when he
realises I've caught him out.

This is massive.

Maybe Colette is telling you not to ask
her as a defence mechanism in case you

really don't want to.

Like reverse psychology.

I cannae deal with front -wise
psychology, never mind reverse.

Knowing Colette, if she was ready to get
married, she would have told him by

now.

Right, hurry up.

Oh,

please don't tell Colette. I was
impersonating her.

But what if she never tells me? And
we'll never get the money.

And it never happens.

Someone needs to tell Colette that
barely anyone has the perfect situation

they get married.

Yeah, that person could be you.

Vincent and I were drunk throughout.

Laura had a shotgun wedding.

That's the coolest thing about me.

I had a shotgun wedding.

Makes me sound all gangster.

Aye. Well, I haven't out be an actual
gangster who kept an actual shotgun

his bed, so calm down, Tommy Shelby.

What if she says no?

Well, it will hurt like hell, and then
you will return to the sisterhood, and

will make you feel a bit better.

Do you want to know what made me cry
more than once?

What?

You've let me into the sisterhood.

Nobody's ever.

Asked me to join their gang before.

No, Laura.

Hold it.

Darren's got a very important decision
to make.

Glam squad, take me to the next level.

I'm going to propose to the love of my
life.

Can he definitely no be scattered at
Celtic Park?

No. Football teams don't allow it.

How? Because too many people would want
it.

The players will need a shovel to find
the ball under all that ash and bone.

Sounds like some of the council pitches
I used to play on.

Here's what I think.

My dad might be dead in there.

But he's been living in Vincent's head
for the last 30 years.

Vincent lives in my dad every day.

He should decide what happens to him.

So what are you going to do, Bill?

Here we go.

Scariest moment of my life.

Darren, you're absolutely gorgeous.

Did you look like that when we arrived?

You used to be about to lip -sync for
your life.

Colette, I've got something I have to
ask you.

Colette. Tiffany Scott.

Tiffany?

Now I know we're known a palace in the
Himalayas.

And I know I've no get the ring.

You told me under no circumstances
whatsoever was I to pick a ring myself.

Darren.

But I've got this onion ring.

It's a wee placeholder.

That was my idea.

And what I want to know is... Will
you... Stop.

Get up.

Colette, I'm trying to... Get off your
knees.

Did you two put him up to this?

No. No.

Darren, you're not proposing to me.

I am. No, you're not!

Get up!

Darren, don't make me say no to you
because I'll say it.

You know I want a lavish bells and
whistles boz -out wedding.

A boz -out wedding?

And what could we afford?

You even had to make a joke of things
with an onion ring.

That was silly, Darren.

And that's what we could have.

A wee cheap onion ring of a wedding.

But if we wait until we can afford...
No!

There's been too many compromises in my
life.

I decided not to be an R &B superstar
because I wanted to raise my child.

I've dreamt of this fairy tale wedding
since I've been a wee lassie.

Just as they get compromised.

Onion ring.

Front of my dad, no.

Front of your dad?

No point you've got to be.

Why is there an urn next to me?

Darren.

Oh.

Never mind feeling sorry for Darren.

He knows I want to get married.

Just no yet.

Why did you make me do that to you,
Darren?

Oh, darling.

Come here.

And this is what the sisterhood is
really all about.

Comfort for each other.

When this batshit family hits us with a
curveball, which is all the effing time.

Sorry.

I'm just remembering Mr. Leonardo as
well now.

You all good?

All good, man.

All good.

Well, if the nature wants to stay and
play some games.

Sweet. I'll join them.

Hi. Bye now. Right, bye.

A sound I have nae heard for a long,
long time.

Golden Axe. Mega Drive.

Right, right.

Running out of magic.

Right. Right, right, right, right.

Ah, I do.

Oh, explain this, mister. I hate Sega
consoles, nobody that had one.

Why was this in a box?

Christmas, 1990.

I got a mega drive.

Best present I'd ever got for my ma, my
da.

Me and Henry set it up, just playing,
just carrying on, just wee guys carrying

on, and I'm shouting, oh, you're button
bashing, you're button bashing.

And my da comes in and he just pulls it
right out the wall and he says, oh,

you'll get that back when you're still
being such a greeting -faced wee

embarrassment, he says.

Never got it back.

I just thought he'd pawned it.

I remember what it was like already.

Ran away from home when I was 17 to be
with you

on the California coast.

Drinking margaritas all night in the old
cantina.

Out on the California coast.

Don't think that I'm ungrateful.

Don't look so low.

but we came pretty close adios

adios

going up north for the hills of winter
green i gotta leave

you beautiful day pitch looks perfect
And look where we are there.

Right on the centre spot.

And that's you here.

Forever and ever.

Beautiful day for a wee tour of the
stadium, Dad.

Just me and you.

And me, Johnny, you bastard.

Listen,

thanks for organising that wee tour,
Ronnie.

You never suspected a thing.

My pleasure, Vince.

I'll make a blue nose of you yet.

Eh? Morn.

Eh? Pipe.

Eh? Come on.

What's wrong?

I'm dying.

Again? He said I've got fatty liver.

Why didn't you call Bonnie?

Bonnie does not do illness.

Come on.

Ouch. Darren is actually happy that I
knocked back his proposal.

Rowan, are you going to buy a motor?

Take your bath.

I've got a flat sorted.

I've been scoped to play through it.

No, it's stakeout time.

The neighbor's turned Jason into a drugs
meal.

Treating me like -

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