All language subtitles for Noahs.Arc.Jumping.the.Broom.2008.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD.2.0.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

♪ Who would have known ♪

♪ The rain and the sunshine ♪

♪ Well, ooh, baby, baby ♪

♪ Built up these walls
of mine? ♪

♪ And I can't see you
or breathe you ♪

♪ 'Cause there's trouble
right beneath you ♪

♪ It's all in the night ♪

I'll need those in taupe.

Taupe. T-A-U-P-E, taupe.

Good. And for the shirtfronts,
I'm seeing cerulean or maybe--

Cerulean?

You don't know
what cerulean is?

I can't believe you work
at a fabric store

and don't even know your colors.

Get a new job!

Yeah.

Can you believe Ricky brought
one of my students as his date?

Be fair.

He didn't know Brandon
was your student

when he hooked up
on manwhores.dot...

Wherever he picks
his tricks up these days.

Attention, passengers.

The ferry will be docking
in five minutes.

Welcome to Martha's Vineyard.

Noah. Wake up, baby.
We're here.

Come on.
I want to show you something.

This is my favorite part
of coming here.

Oh. It's all so beautiful.

Only the best for my boo.

Aw.

King of my world.

Isn't it beautiful, guys?

♪ With the kick
on your shoes ♪

♪ You got groove
in your head ♪

♪ The way you spin
those tunes ♪

♪ You're nothin'
but a sandcastle ♪

♪ Baby, don't blow me away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Baby, I know you do this
to all the girls ♪

♪ Baby, I'm fragile ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ba-buh-buh-buh-baby ♪

♪ Don't blow me away ♪

♪ Baby, I know you do that
to all the girls ♪

♪ You know that I'm fragile ♪

Ricky, you scratch my Louis,
it's gonna be me and you.

Yes, massa.

Bitch could help us tote
his bags.

I bet Trey's glad
he didn't come.

Now, Trey--
That's Alex's husband, right?

Yes. He had to stay home
with their new baby.

Thank God.

The last thing we need on
this trip is a screaming infant.

You seem to have that covered
quite nicely.

♪ Baby, I know you do that
to all the girls ♪

♪ You know that I'm fragile ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ba-buh-buh-buh-baby ♪

♪ Don't blow me away ♪

♪ Baby, I know you do that
to all the girls ♪

♪ You know that I'm fragile ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh ♪

♪ And ba-buh-buh-buh-baby ♪

♪ Please don't blow me away ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Away ♪

Oh, wow.

This is amazing, Wade.

Did you see that ocean view?

Ooh, this house is fierce.

So, this is where
the wedding is, right?

Of Wade and Joey?

It's Wade and Noah, Randy.

N-O-A-H.

It's Brandon, Ricky.

B-R-A-N-D-O-N.

Welcome to Robinson house.

Bedrooms are upstairs.

Name cards are on the door.

In the words of Dynasty's
Dominique Devereaux,

I don't sleep in my clothes
nor do I sleep with them.

I'ma need two suites.

You guys unpack.

I'ma show Noah something
in the back.

Hey!

Child, it ain't gonna work.

Not a snowball's chance.

I give 'em two months.

I don't see it.

So, how come you guys think
the marriage won't work?

I don't believe
in marriage.

Monogamy for men
is a contradiction in terms.

But Wade and Noah
have a unique set of problems.

The problem is the accident.

That's what brought them
together.

They're both on the rebound.

Wade was in a car accident?

Noah nursed him
back to health.

Oh, that's so romantic.

Except what led to the crash
was a fight

between Wade and his boyfriend

after he caught Wade and Noah
getting busy.

Whoo, sounds
like a soap opera.

Which is exactly
why it won't work.

Life is not a soap opera.

But everything in life
rebounds off something.

But that kind of heightened
emotional drama isn't real.

I mean, once it blows over,
what have you got left?

Two people
with nothing in common

who don't even particularly
like each other.

So, shouldn't you tell Noah?

What's the point, Trey?

Noah's all in Wade's nose.
He ain't trying to hear that.

Love is just blind.

What are you wearing?

This wedding
needs to be ran

with a little
military precision.

I'm channeling...

- Who, the village people?
- You ain't cute.

So, are we gonna use
all these in one weekend?

Only if the local dudes
are total trolls.

Aw, did I hurt
the baby's feelings?

Let's see
what we can do about that.

There he is! Hi, O.J.

How's my little
Zulu warrior?

Alex, for the hundredth time,
it's Ojemodupe.

Whatever.
O.J. for short.

Oh, before I forget,

the local supplier is being
a total bitch, so look,

I'm gonna need you to go
to FedEx and send me

a whole bunch of stuff
for the wedding.

No, Alex. I have to be
at the clinic in an hour.

Boy, you can do that
on your way.

Now, get a pen and paper, 'cause
there's no room for mistakes.

You can spell cerulean, right?

Wow!

I've really missed
this place.

We used to come here
every summer when I was a kid,

spring breaks, Christmases.

This boathouse
was my sanctuary.

But...

where are the boats?

- Down below.
- Oh.

It was really cool of your folks
to let us use this,

especially in light
of their views on gay marriage.

My grandfather left
this house to all of us.

I can use it
whenever I want.

And when my parents pass on,
it'll be mine.

And...after we're married,

it'll be yours too.

That's her fifth call
in an hour.

Must be really important.

Take it.

Hi, Brandy.

How's my favorite
screenwriter?

I'm great, Brandy.
What's up?

I emailed you some
script notes. Did you get 'em?

I'll need the new draft
first thing Monday.

Not yet.
I haven't checked my email.

But, um...

Wade and I are getting married
this weekend, so--

Married?

In Massachusetts.
Martha's Vineyard, actually.

Noah, listen to me.

This film is one of Paramount's
tent-pole releases

for next year.

What will I tell the head
of the studio?

That you couldn't do your job
because you're too busy

engaging in symbolic rituals
with your boyfriend?

And when he asks, why didn't
I know about this earlier,

I'll say, "I guess I must
have offended him

because I wasn't even invited!"

It's just a couple
of close friends, but--

Oh, I'm not
a close friend?!

Of course we'd love
to have you.

I'll text you the info.

She won't come.

She won't.

Nah, it's too last minute.

But good luck this weekend.

I'll expect the new draft
in my mailbox

first thing Monday morning.

Brandy,
you're not hearing me.

Ciao!

Dear God, what now?

Alex!

Chang-a-lang-a-lang!

Now that I have
your attention,

it's time to announce
the commencement

of Operation
Perfect Wedding Weekend.

I have the whole weekend

broken down
into one-hour segments.

Can we have
a little bit of time

to enjoy just being here?

Then we could do all
the wedding stuff you want.

If you want this wedding
to fall behind schedule

within minutes of our arrival,
then fine.

When you're done enjoying
"being here,"

Mama will be in the kitchen
candying yams

and peeling shrimp
for the gumbo.

Honey, y'all got me
all mixed up.

Y'all think I'm gonna be
slaving my titties

over a hot stove while y'all
in here lollygagging?

Hmm, well,
according to the schedule,

it says that Ricky
should be "taking pictures

"of the backyard foliage
to email to florist

to ensure garden leaves
will not clash."

Yeah, right.

So, Professor Counter,

how long have you
and Mr. McIntyre--

Eddie and Chance, Brandon,
at least for this weekend.

And four years.
Married for three.

That is so cool.

My longest relationship
is, like, four months.

Well, when you're young,

it's natural to just want
to have fun.

And even when you're
not so young.

But we're very happy,
aren't we, baby?

Never been happier.

Who's that?

That's Arturo,
the caretaker.

Does the gardening, stocks
the fridge, turns up the heat.

Maybe I can turn up his heat.

- He's straight, Ricky.
- He hasn't met me yet.

Ricky.

I'm sure you can give
the professor

a hand with something.

You did tell me you had
a crush on him, right?

See y'all at dinner.

Does he do the couples thing
at all, ever?

Not really. He calls it
"saying yes to life."

More like saying yes
to STDs.

You have to excuse him.

No, I'm not kidding myself
with Ricky.

We're just
having fun, right?

And about that thing
he said--

What thing?
I didn't hear anything.

Thanks, Professor.

I mean, Chance.

Mm, I'm gonna go check
my email.

- Ooh!
- Strong, huh?

Mm-hmm.

"Practice cake cutting."

That's us, boo.

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Cake!

Come on.
It's cake-cutting time.

Look, I don't really have
a crush on Chance.

It's just that
he's so inspiring.

All that passion that he puts
into his lectures and tutorials.

Interesting.

Alex didn't give you a name.

He just wrote
"Ricky's trick."

So is this all there is
to being gay:

be a slut who can't say no

or be bored and jaded,

pretending you're happy?

Oh, here's
my little Zulu warrior.

- Ain't he cute, girl?
- He is so adorable.

I don't know how you can stay
away from him for one minute.

I know.
We wanted to bring him,

but the doctors felt
like it was too soon.

We've only had him
for two months,

and with his immune system--

Oh, so he's
definitely positive?

We don't know yet.

Most babies born to mothers
with HIV test positive

within the first
six months or so,

whether they have it or not.

So we're just waiting.

Aw. You must miss him.

Honestly, girl,
it's nice to have a break,

'cause that boy know
he can cry.

Raise the roof off the house.

But it's just for the weekend.

He'll be back
in Mama Alex's arms on Monday.

Where is Ricky
with those foliage pictures?

Watch my yams, gir'. Ricky!
Bitch, where you at?

I know it don't take
your ass that long

to take no damn pictures.

What do you think
about kids?

Uh, we haven't even moved in
together yet, papo.

That all changes on Monday.

Then we can discuss it
on Monday

when we're respectable
married folk.

No kids out of wedlock for us.

You're so saditty.

Baby Gat.

Send that clown to voicemail.

He's probably just calling
to congratulate me.

You're lying.

You know, this marriage
is never gonna work

if you don't learn to trust me.

I trust you just fine.

That crazy, spoiled fool
is another story.

He's been obsessed with you
ever since you turned him down.

You know I don't fancy
Baby Gat, right?

Right?

Yeah.

So stop acting silly, papo.

I don't hear no cake slicing
in there!

Thank you, baby.

We need to talk.

What's wrong with us?

- Who says something's wrong?
- Brandon.

Eddie, Brandon
has a crush on me.

Of course he'd say that.

But then, in the bedroom,

you were going on about couples
who get married,

then find out they don't really
like each other.

I was talking
about Noah and Wade, not us.

Okay.

Eddie, I--

Dinner's served.

Let us bow our heads.

Lord, thank you
for giving me the strength

to prepare
this delicious meal

without help from anybody!

Alex.

And thanks for the wonderful
gifts of love and friendship

you've given us
all this day.

Amen.

- Amen!
- All: Amen.

- See you later.
- Bye.

What's for dinner?

Mm, I'm starved.

Let's eat.

So...

have you guys
decided on names yet?

Will you take Noah's name?
Will he take yours?

Will you hyphenate?

- We haven't decided yet.
- We'll hyphenate.

Say you go someplace
like Saudi Arabia,

you're not gonna introduce
yourselves as Mister and Mister.

I doubt we'll go
to Saudi Arabia.

Okay, what about Jamaica?

Sometimes you have
to be pioneers.

You have to at least try
and be brave.

That's where it starts.

I thought you were
just joking, boo.

About what?

That double-barreled stuff.

I mean, if you want to put
my name with yours,

that's cool with me,
but I don't know.

Well, when I meet
my perfect guy,

I'm definitely gonna wanna
put his name with mine.

Gay folks
are more like stars.

Stars never change their names
when they get married.

Diana can get hitched
all she wants.

She'll always be Miss Ross.

But marriage is a declaration
to the world, isn't it?

Reality is
a bit more complicated

than just making
some grand gesture.

You know what,
how about a toast?

To Noah,

for doing me the honor

of giving me his hand
in marriage--

whatever we're gonna
call ourselves afterwards

and wherever we decide
to spend our vacations.

To Noah.

You know,
I think it's amazing,

what you and Mr. Iverson do,

running an HIV clinic
and adopting an African orphan.

It is amazing.

Unlike a certain superstar
who will remain nameless,

we went through the proper
channels with our adoption.

And Professor Counter--
I mean, Chance--

him and his husband,
they have a daughter, right?

Little Ethiopia.

Oh, she is so cute to me.

I thought it was Kenya.

Oh, yeah. Kenya. Right.

She's with Eddie's parents
for the weekend.

And his parents know
all about him and Chance?

Mm-hmm.

And your parents?

Mm-hmm.

If I ever told my parents
that I was gay,

they'd probably disown me.

But I still want to,
you know?

I want them to know who I am
and still love me anyways.

And I feel like
if I don't tell them,

I'm not giving them
the opportunity

to know the real me, right?

Look,
I would never tell anyone

they have to come out.

You have to do
what's right for you.

Just make sure
whatever choices you make

are laying the foundation
for the world

you ultimately
want to live in.

Now, it's getting late,

and we gotta get up
at the crack,

so why don't you
just go on up to bed?

Here.

What's this?

Condoms.
And you better use 'em.

'Cause Ricky's a ho.

Even if Ricky was a saint,
you just met him last week.

You should always use condoms.

- Mm-hmm.
- Thanks, Alex.

Boy, carry your little
narrow ass on upstairs.

♪ I don't want to ride
this roller coaster ♪

What is it about snowflakes
at night?

God's diamonds sprinkled
on black velvet.

Mm.

♪ If you don't want to have
this conversation ♪

Why don't you want me
to marry Wade?

I just want you to be happy.

You don't think Wade
can make me happy?

I don't think anybody can
be happy without being free.

What are you so afraid of?

So, why did you bring Brandon?

I don't know.

I was watching this porn
the other day and it hit me.

The idea of being
holed up for an entire weekend

with a bunch of married couples
just freaked me out.

Being trapped.

That's what scares me most.

But that's what you
don't get about me and Wade.

It's love that sets us free.

Love is just
a four-letter word.

So is free.

- What porn?
- Hmm?

What porn were you watching
when you had this epiphany?

Below the Cowls.

As in?

"These monks
get on their knees,

but not to pray."

Gross.

I think that's my spot, bro.

- Good night, Ricky.
- Good night.

- Hi.
- Hey.

♪ I just want to stay
with you tonight ♪

My wedding binder!

You left it in the bathroom
downstairs.

I taped it back
together for you.

Ah, Chance, it's my Bible.

You look tired,
and it's late.

- Go get some sleep.
- Sleep?

Girl, I got all
these outfits to sew.

I got a wedding cake
to design.

Bitch, I got shit to do.

All right, at the risk
of asking a stupid question,

why didn't you
just order a cake?

What was that?

Just a little something
to give me a little...lift.

Alex.

It's herbal, no tea.

Herbal?

Herbal!

Hey, can I go online?

Yeah, sure.

What the hell is this?

It's my DowneLink profile.

As in "going down"?

It's not a sex thing, Ricky.

It's a cool networking site.

It's like MySpace
but for gays, lesbians, and--

Yeah, I get it.

Like Black Gay Chat or Whatstea.

- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, baby, what's going on?

How are you?

There's gotta be
some hot man-crack

on this island somewhere.

Look, the thing is,

I've got something
to tell you,

something important.

Fat, old, fat, ugly,
needle-dick, nothing.

No, Mom,

I haven't gotten
Myla pregnant.

We're just friends.

Look, the thing is...
I'm gay.

Gay?

What the hell you mean,
you're gay?

I'm out of here.

I've got to sit down
before I pass out.

Don't wait up.

It's a sin, Brandon. A sin!

Hello? Mom--

Mom, no, I--Mom--

Wait till I tell
your poor father!

He's liable to have
a heart attack on the spot.

Jesus Christ!

Gay?! Gay?!

Uh, what's wrong?

Did Ricky do something?

I was feeling so inspired,
being with you guys,

hearing how your families
were so cool with it all,

so I called my mom
and I told her I was gay.

What happened?

She called my dad,

and he said he never wants
to see me again.

I don't want
to be alone tonight.

Of course not. Shh.

Um, boundaries?

Hush, Eddie.

There, there.

♪ I never wonder why ♪

♪ Every time I close my eyes ♪

♪ I see you in my mind ♪

What you looking at?

You.

♪ About you ♪

♪ Don't you know ♪

♪ I'll never leave ♪

♪ Could never go ♪

You know this
is our last chance.

For what?

Illicit premarital sex.

What about
the bachelor parties?

Well, illicit premarital sex
with each other.

Uh, what do you mean,
the "bachelor parties"?

I didn't mean it.

You better not have.

Uh-uh, no kissing.

♪ Now you've been workin'
so hard ♪

♪ Runnin' in circles ♪

♪ Like a robot
shortin' circuits ♪

♪ Like it's set to blow ♪

♪ I got to make an appointment ♪

♪ Just to kiss you, baby ♪

♪ I'm not complainin' ♪

♪ But I got to know ♪

♪ Will you come away
with me? ♪

♪ I'm not rich ♪

♪ But the first night
is on me ♪

♪ You know,
I just got paid, baby ♪

♪ I know a place ♪

♪ And they got cable TV ♪

♪ It's getting late ♪

♪ Hit the lights
but leave the TV on ♪

♪ And put in my dance mix ♪

♪ Let the boom box boom ♪

♪ I thought that I knew
what love was ♪

♪ Then I saw you dancing
in your underwear too ♪

♪ And I think of you ♪

♪ When I think of you, baby ♪

♪ When I think of you ♪

- ♪ Baby ♪
- Yeah.

♪ When I think of you ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ When I think of you ♪

Martha's Vineyard
Police Department.

Please step away
from the tree.

Breakfast in bed
for the happy couple.

- What?
- Ah!

Alex!

Now, isn't this fun, gir'?

We got pancakes, maple syrup,
bacon, scrambled eggs,

poached eggs, boiled eggs,
eggs-over-easy, French toast,

coffee, tea, orange juice,
my mama's homemade biscuits,

and my signature
candied yams!

And you better eat
every bit of it.

Enjoy!

Breakfast in bed!

It's 5:50 a.m.

Breakfast!

I think Ricky and Brandon
done eloped, y'all.

They probably just went
for an early morning walk.

Or a drive.
Ricky's car is gone.

I'm telling you,
elopement "T."

Damn, y'all puttin' on
some weight?

Alex, are these yams
for breakfast?

Chance, how many times
do I have to tell you?

Yams is the new
breakfast food.

O Magazine, gir'.

Now y'all eat up

'cause you're gonna need
all your strength today,

because we got a whole bunch
of shit to do.

Mm-kay?

Watch it.

That was close.

Hmm. Cool.

And now they're saying
they can't deliver

the linen swatches
or the Doric columns.

There goes my Arcadian temple
theme for the wedding.

Alex, do you know
what time it is?

Yeah, it's 6:01.

No, it's 3:00 a.m. in L.A.

So? You gotta feed
the baby anyway.

Hey, O.J.!

What you doing up so late?

You know your daddy gotta go
to work tomorrow,

make that money
so I can get me something new

when I come home.

What?

Just then,
the look on your face--

you were a total stranger
to me.

No, no, no.
It's a good thing.

It means you're still--

You still fascinate me.

You're still my...
man of mystery.

You're so weird.

And by the way,

the answer to that question
you asked me last night is yes.

I would like
to have children.

Just...no time soon.

Guys, you might want
to get down here.

You idiot!

Does this look like red to you?

I said red roses, not lavender,
pink, green, all these colors!

- Are you color-blind?
- I'm sorry, Mr. Kirby.

The order clearly
says "lavender."

If there's a problem,
you've gotta call the store.

Alex, purple
is my favorite color.

I guess this would look cute
with the outfits.

Thank you so much.

Oh, hey, thanks a lot.

Take care.

Now what?

Take care of yourself,
all right?

All right.

Ricky.

Where the hell have you been?

I couldn't sleep, so--

Can we take this
to the back patio?

Careful, careful.

Come on.

Eddie, Eddie, be careful
with the flowers.

Put 'em over there. Good.

♪ Too afraid to open up ♪

♪ And let you see the way
I feel inside ♪

♪ 'Cause we've been
best friends ♪

Now, bitch,
what's really the "T"?

I couldn't sleep,

so I took a walk in this park
on the other side of the island.

Can we just skip
the dishonest preamble?

You were cruising
the woods for tail.

Despite having an adorable
young man in your bedroom.

I noticed this guy, and we--

Do we really need
to hear this?

No, but we wanna.

Anyways, as we were getting
acquainted, the cops show up.

The guy takes off,

and I'm left there
to face the music.

- Ugh, Ricky--
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

It gets better.

I spent the night in a jail cell
for public indecency.

I really hope Wade's family

doesn't hear about this...felony
on their doorstep.

It's a misdemeanor,
not a felony.

And the cool thing is,

the night sergeant was hot
and hot for me,

so I got two guys in one night
and a free ride home.

Oh, which reminds me,

somebody's gotta
take me to the park

to pick up my rental car.

Bravo, Ricky.

On my wedding weekend?

Really?

Your wedding, not mine.

Damn!

If it was anybody but Ricky,

I would swear
she was just jealous.

I hope the weather clears up
before the wedding.

Oh, shit.

- Shit. Shit. Shit!
- What?

I just lost the pages
I spent the last two hours on.

I told you;
you don't save often enough.

Not helping.

What you working on,
Professor?

Um, the paradigms
of the free market,

capitalist consumerism,
and individual freedom

refracted through the eyes
of a slave on the auction block.

- Wow, that sounds deep.
- Oh, it is.

Overall,
I'm hoping to liberate

black gay men from both
the controlling forces

of the free market mentality
in which slavery was rooted

and the self-hating
mentalities

induced under current models
of psychoanalysis.

You're so amazing.

When was the last time
anything about us

got you this excited?

What has my book
got to do with our marriage?

God, you drive me crazy.

Look, if this has anything
to do with me

spending the night
with you guys--

Would you mind
giving us a moment?

Okay, sure thing,
Mr. McIntyre.

This has nothing to do
with last night, Brandon.

Losing those pages
made you angrier

than the idea
of losing your marriage.

Is that the real you?

Are your husband and your
daughter just window dressing

for your intellectual vocation?

If that's it, then
this marriage would never work,

because I need for us
to be your center.

So, which is it?

♪ Why are you slowing down? ♪

Eddie, I--

I don't know.

Well, you need
to figure it out...

or else.

Or else what?

♪ Can't you tell? ♪

♪ With you, I'm complete ♪

What's so funny?

I figured something out--
why you do what you do.

All the sex,
it's just a distraction.

From what?

The truth.

And what truth
would that be exactly?

That you're in love with Noah.

Nice try, Brandon,

but I'm too old
to be mind-fucked.

and you're too young
to do it.

Then I dare you.

What?

Kiss him.

Right now.

Go right up to him
and kiss him.

Then tell me I'm wrong.

Because I've seen the way
that you look at him,

and I've seen the way you hold
your body next to his.

Look, I may be 19, but I know
way more about love

than you do, Ricky.

Fuck you.

What's this?

Oh.

That's for you.
It's an early wedding gift.

How to save
your gay marriage ?

Alex, we haven't even walked
down the aisle yet.

What are you tryin'
to do to us?

Preemptive "T."

I'm sure you'll have
a fabulous, perfect marriage.

Well, thanks, I guess.

Hey. How do I look?

- I--
- Yeah?

What was that all about?

Child, she done lost
her damn mind.

That's what sucking dick
in the park'll do to you,

especially if it's big.

What was that?

Why you all in my--

Vitamins.

Wait till
y'all taste my gumbo.

Honey, it's the bomb.
It's my great-grandma's recipe.

Damn. What's the "T"?

The tension in here
is as thick

as this dry-ass cornbread
Chance made.

I like the cornbread,
Professor.

Thank you, Brandon.

Teacher's pet.

Ooh, that must be
my pet store delivery.

Pet store?

Where's my ace boon Noah?

Where's my writer?

- Baby Gat?
- The rapper?

He's the star
of the movie I'm writing.

That is so cool.

Do you think I can get
an autograph?

No, but you can get
his dick up your ass,

if that's what you want.

- Wade!
- Baby Gat's gay?

Oh, my God.

You can't tell anyone,
Brandon.

What makes his sex life
so precious?

The fact that my movie
will fall apart if it gets out.

Noah!

Oh.

You weren't invited,
and you're not welcome.

So get back in your stretch limo
and fuck off!

You mean that limo?

Ugh.

Yes?

Brandy, get back here now.

No can do, Noah.

As luck would have it,

Diddy just bought a house
on the vineyard

and he's throwing a big bash
here tonight.

I'm already late
for the pre-party luncheon.

Now, you be nice to our star.

We need him to get
this movie greenlit.

Toodles!

Damn.

Take pity on
a stranded traveler, good sir.

Don't turn me out
into the cold, cold night.

It's daytime, Curtis,
and I'm sure that one of us

can drive you
to the nearest hotel.

For a diamond geezer.

Curtis, you know
I can't take this.

Then throw it away.

You know once I give a gift,
it stays given.

Stop it!
I know what you're doin'.

And you stop encouragin' him.

Me?
I'm not doing anything.

Yes, you are.
You love the attention.

Look at your body language.

It's not enough I have to put up
with the crazy antics

of your pain-in-the-ass
friends.

Wade,
they're your friends too.

They don't even like me!

Excuse me.

Sit down!

Your friends don't like me.
They never liked me.

That is so not true.

If they didn't like you,
why would they be here?

Because they love you.

Right.

Look, I'm sorry you think
my friends don't love you

as much as they love me.

They will, but it takes time.
You know that.

I'm sorry that Baby Gat
showed up uninvited

and that no matter
what I say or do,

he's an incorrigible flirt.

I'm sorry that Brandy--
my boss, don't forget--

told him we were getting married
in the first place.

I am sorry about
all of that.

But I need to know...

are you using this
as an excuse to bail?

Do you want to marry me
or not?

Because if you don't--

♪ Ah, ah ♪

♪ Baby, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah,
ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Baby, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah
ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

I don't wanna box you in,
Wade. I love you.

And I want love
to make you feel freer.

But loving me means you have
to see certain things

and accept that you're not part
of certain things.

And those things need
to be fought for.

Don't you get it?
I know all that.

That's why I proposed to you

when we could've
just moved in together,

to prove to you that I get it.

I just don't need your friends
constantly doubting me

if you don't doubt me.

Come on.

It's time to set
the record straight.

And Baby Gat?

We'll cross that bitch
when we come to it.

- Look, Curtis--
- Baby Gat.

- Only my friends call me Curtis.
- Whatever, girl.

Only thing I care about

is makin' this
the wedding to remember.

Hmph, it's already that.

In a good way.

Now, how do we stop this fool
from fucking it all up?

Smells to me
like you're fucking it up

without any help
from me, gir'.

What? Who you think
you talkin' to?

You don't know nothin' about me.

Bitch, we can clear
this whole damn table off.

We can set this place on fire.

I'll tell--

Damn, that's
my blackberry cobbler!

Oh!

Look, we want Noah
to be happy.

- You want Noah to be happy.
- With me.

And you're prepared
to come out of the closet

to be with him?

Because that is
what it would take.

We'd work something out.

You haven't
thought this through.

I live for my impulses, man,
my feelings, my heart!

So don't come to me with no chat
about logic, blood,

'cause that's your thing,
not mine.

I say we hog-tie him,

stick him in the trunk
of one of these cars

till it's all over.

That would be kidnapping,
and, Ricky,

you have already spent one night
this weekend in jail.

I'm all outta ideas.
Anybody else?

How about this?

I was so excited
over seeing a rap star

that I filmed the whole thing
on my cell

so I could show my roomies
when I get back to school.

I got Baby Gat
handing Noah flowers,

you know, doing
the whole gay thing.

I could Bluetooth this
to YouTube real easy.

Or I can hold on to it
and delete it after the wedding.

Brandon,
you are a genius. Mwah.

Christ sakes! What?

- Eddie?
- Let him go.

He needs to blow off
some steam.

I gotta say,

what I did before
was well out of order, geez,

and I see that now.

You love each other,

and nothin' I do's
gonna change that.

All I wanna do is be there to
celebrate you gettin' together.

I give my word,

brother to brother.

Where's all this
comin' from?

I'm feelin' the love, rasta,
that's what.

These guys--

These guys...

they--they love you.

Both of you.

They just got through
tellin' me...

what a great match you are.

They got one criticism
though, blood.

What's that?

They say you're paranoid.

They say...
you need to trust

that they love you

like they love your man Noah.

Bwah!

I'm a man of my word.

You better be too, my Negro.

Ahh.

♪ Do the Baby Gat, ow ♪

♪ Do the Baby Gat, ow ♪

♪ Do the, do the ♪

♪ Do the Baby Gat, ow ♪

Who ordered something
from the pet store?

All: Alex!

Here.

When was the last time
we talked about our dreams?

In college,
I was in this band--

Lead Parasol.
You said they sucked.

Fuck you!
At least they were fun.

I loved playin' in that band.

When was the last time
I even picked up a guitar?

The moment you realized
it would trigger

a pathetic mid-life crisis,
I imagine.

Oh, shit.

I'm sorry.

Chance!

Ah!

Oh, my God, Alex!

So we release them and then...

They fly away?

This time of year,

wouldn't they just freeze
to death?

The perfect metaphor
for the joys of marriage.

That settles it.
We're sending them back.

Oh, my God! What happened?

We just found him passed out.

- Be careful.
- Is he okay?

He's still breathing.
Good pulse.

Alex, where are they?
Give me the pills, Alex.

- He's taking pills?
- Yeah, uppers or something.

- They're herbal.
- Where are the--

Alex, these aren't herbal.

They're loaded with caffeine.

No wonder you passed out.
You're crashing.

- You need to sleep.
- But the wedding--

Don't worry about that.
You drew out the timetable.

We'll just follow it.
Get some sleep.

Don't forget to get
the camcorder

for the behind-the-scenes
video.

- I am so sorry. I--
- Eddie, not now.

All right, then.

Guess we've all got work to do.

Feel better.

♪ All right, yeah ♪

♪ Open up your heart,
what do you feel? ♪

♪ Open up your heart,
what do you feel? ♪

♪ Is real ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ The big bang may be
a million years away ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ But I can't think
of a better time to say ♪

So, what's the deal
with this whole "broom" thing?

When our ancestors
were slaves,

they weren't allowed
to marry legally,

so they created this ritual
to symbolize a wedding.

It's a way for us
to honor our history.

Cool.

♪ If you ever meet
your inner child ♪

♪ Don't cry ♪

♪ No, no, oh ♪

♪ Tell them everything
is gonna be all right ♪

♪ World, hold on ♪

♪ Instead of messing
with our future ♪

♪ Open up inside ♪

♪ World, hold on ♪

♪ One day you will
have to answer ♪

♪ To the children of the sky ♪

♪ Oh, whoa-oh ♪

♪ The children of the sky ♪

♪ World, hold on ♪

♪ World, hold on ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Everybody in the universe ♪

♪ World, hold on ♪

♪ One day
you will have to answer ♪

♪ To the children of the sky ♪

♪ World, come on ♪

♪ Hold on ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Everybody in the universe ♪

♪ World, come on ♪

♪ Hold on ♪

♪ One day
you will have to answer ♪

♪ To the children of the sky ♪

I feel bad your family
won't be here.

It's both our families
or none.

We discussed it.
It's my choice.

Yeah.

But now it's real.

I feel like it's a bad start
or bad luck.

'Cause with my family,
it wasn't my choice.

Papo...

Mm...

Y'all done yet?

Just about.

You picked the perfect time
to wake up.

That was the plan.

The final touch.

Alex, they're adorable.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you, Alex.

- Ain't it cute?
- Look at the scarf.

Y'all must be starvin'.

- Y'all starvin'?
- Starvin'.

I'm starvin'. Let's eat.

You guys. Dinner.

Great. I'm starved.

Yeah, this should do it.

Now, Noah and Wade,
before we move on

to your respective
bachelor parties,

let me remind you from now on,
groom and groom

should not see each other
before the wedding.

- What?
- Why?

Bad luck "T."

But aren't they
sharin' a bed?

Wade can sleep
in the boathouse.

Great.

Okay, fine.

Eddie, you are still
taking Wade out

for his bachelor party,
right?

You bet.

Good,
and we'll have our party

here at the house.

The jacuzzi is warming up
as we speak.

Hot tub "T."

- What about Brandon?
- Brandon can party with us.

We can squeeze
one more in the tub.

- It'll be fun.
- Yeah, like a slumber party.

You can come with us,
Brandon.

Okay, sure, Mr. McIntyre.

Mm, okay,
dessert is officially over.

Let the bachelor parties begin.

- Let's go! Whoo!
- Yeah.

So, what's the name
of this place?

The Fos'cle.

Gay-friendly straight bar
with a bohemian twist.

You got your I.D., right?

Yes, Mr. McIntyre.

Listen, Kim Fung Choi,

if you want any chance
of gettin' into this bar,

it's Eddie and Wade.

Do you guys think it's okay
to stop using condoms

after you're married?

That's tricky.

I mean, I have
all these young guys

come sweepin'
through the clinic

askin' me, "Is it okay
if I let him hit it raw?"

After they've only known
the guy less than a week,

talkin' about,
"I love him. I trust him.

He does a lotta
nice things for me."

I'm like, "Trust him?

Girl, you the one
that's gonna be sittin'

at an HIV clinic
lookin' stupid!"

But isn't it
a lot more complicated

when you're talkin'
about a long-term relationship?

Do you and Trey
still use condoms?

We did the first five years,
but we got tested regularly.

And do you guys know
that we're goin' on year 11?

- Wow.
- You guys believe that?

And he's never cheated.

That you know of.

Well, what about you
and Eddie?

Oh, we still use condoms.

I think it's more hygienic.

Well, I guess we can hold off.

Maybe we'll revisit
our options

after a few years
of blissful monogamy.

And there is that word again.

"Monogamy."

With all the sexy guys
out there,

why'd you do that to yourself?

Well, it's not
so much monogamy, per se.

It's that...

Wade is the sexiest man
on the planet.

- To you.
- Yeah, to me.

And I got him.

But how do you know
he's the sexiest

unless you get out there
and check on a regular basis?

You just know.

Okay?

- I will drink to that.
- Cheers.

- Bitch, he is fine.
- Okay?

I mean, you know,
I ain't gonna lie.

- Thank you.
- I know he got wood.

- Cheers, fellas.
- Cheers.

- To Martha's Vineyard.
- To the wedding.

To the wedding.

So you guys are all into
the butch-femme thing, right?

Uh, I mean...

Noah's not the most
masculine guy, no offense.

And even Professor Counter
is a little light

in the loafers
when no one's looking.

It wasn't anything
I was on the lookout for,

but when you fall, you fall.

Hear, hear.

But do you ever
think, though,

"if I was with someone
more masculine"...

Sometimes.

But it's a funny thing
about femininity in a guy.

You get used to it
and stop noticing.

You notice
all the masculine stuff:

the muscles, angle on the face.

Then you have to introduce him
to a new person

and for that horrible moment,
you see it all over again.

Suddenly, you're scared.

You think, "Who am I?

Do I really want this?"

But it forces you to face it,

to be braver
than you would've been

if you had the easy option.

I'm gonna get another round.

Look, I hope I didn't
offend you.

I like Mr. Nicholson.
I think he's great.

It's just that right now
I'm trying to figure

this whole gay thing out.

And it's like
all the guys my age

are so negative about anything
that's different.

And if you're not walkin' around
in a wife-beater

and your pants hangin' off
your ass, then--

- Then you're not a real man.
- Exactly.

We're all supposed to be
50 Cent or Terrell Owens,

and if you don't fit that mold,
you don't even deserve to exist.

You know what, man?
It's like this.

It takes a lot more courage
to be yourself

when who you happen to be

is somebody who a lotta
ignorant motherfuckers

got a problem with.

But don't get it twisted.

Noah--he's ten times braver
than I'll ever be.

But what about the whole
top-bottom thing?

Isn't that kind of limiting?

Kinda like a parody
of heterosexual relationships?

What do you mean?

Because, like,
I'm versatile, right?

So...do you ever want
Mr. Nicholson to fuck you?

Who says he doesn't already?

Hey.

Girl, you drunk, girl.

- It's not fair.
- What?

That Wade's family won't come.

Yeah, but what you
gonna do about it?

He left his phone.

Is this wise?

I know he'd love his family
to be here.

What time is it?

Hello?

Mrs. Robinson?

Wade?

Actually, this is Noah.

But you're calling
from my son's phone.

Is there something wrong?
Did something happen to him?

Oh, no, no, no.
Everything's fine.

Um, it's just--

it's about the wedding.

- What wedding?
- Wade's wedding.

What are you talking about?

Who is this,
and how do you know my son?

And why are you calling me
at this ungodly hour?

She doesn't know.

Oh, this is rich.

Uh...

Wade and I are, um...

Yes?

Wade and I
are getting married.

I-I-I-I-I'm afraid
I don't understand.

Wade is getting married.

And who are you, the pastor?

No, I mean--

We're getting married
to each other.

Wade and I are getting married
to each other.

And the thing is...

he would really love for you
to be here.

"Here"?

At the Martha's Vineyard house
for the wedding tomorrow.

It would really mean
a lot to him.

Listen, I don't know
who you are

and I don't know
why you would call me

in the middle of the night
to tell such hateful lies.

But whoever you are,
leave my son alone!

The guys must've forgot
their key.

Okay. Okay. Okay, okay.

Nobody breathe a word about
anything that just happened

until I figure out
what to tell Wade.

Okay.

You forgot your robe.

I like stain.

Both: Surprise!

Are you gonna invite us in?

Of course.

Ugh. God.

Curtis!

Aw, your old man
ain't around, is he?

Last chance to sow
your wild oats, blood.

That's what a stag day's
all about, innit?

Get away from me.

Mm, the party
was simply fabulous.

Baby Gat was going on and on
about your writing.

And Diddy's looking for a new
vehicle for his acting career--

I Am Legend meets Pursuit
of Happyness kinda thing.

Where's your powder room?

Uh, down the stairs on the--

- Got it!
- Cokehead.

Cute house.

I'm gonna go, um,
put on some clothes.

Don't bother on my account.

Oh, my God, you guys--

It's Brandy and Baby Gat.

- What do I do?
- You want my advice?

Probably not,
but any port in a storm.

Get busy with Baby Gat,
but make sure

you're what the Brits
would call a "crap shag."

That way he'll lose interest.

Unprincipled,
but psychologically effective.

I-I-I'm not gonna shag
Baby Gat.

A useful suggestion, please.

Offer 'em something to drink.

Brilliant!

You guys keep 'em busy in here
while I go clear my head

and figure out
how I'm gonna tell Wade

that I just outed him
to...his mother.

Aw.

And put on some clothes.

I gotta put on some clothes.

Ricky is in love with Noah.

That's why no one else
floats his boat.

He's not against marriage.

He's just against Noah marrying
anyone that's not him.

Huh.

That makes perfect sense,
actually.

You know,
you're a pretty smart kid.

If I was so smart,

I would have figured out
a way to come out

to my parents without being,
like, totally disowned.

When you figure that out,
you let me know.

Wait, you're not out
to your folks?

But you're getting married.

Yeah, well, I guess that
makes me dumber than I look.

Now, when I was at Oprah's
Christmas party last year--

Girl, please.
You was not at no Oprah's.

- Agh.
- Uh, yeah, I was.

Santa Barbara, boo.

The promised land estate?
Oprah's?

Uh-huh.

Stand back. He's gonna blow.

Tell me absolutely everything.

Start in the kitchen!

Um, yeah,
I don't really do kitchens.

So anyway, "O" looks at me,

looks at Beyoncé,
looks back at me,

and says,
"Y'all could be twins."

I know.

- What's the "T"?
- God.

No, really, what is the "T"?

Are you hidin' from me, blood?

I just needed some air.

What's on your mind, bro?

You can tell me.

I've had two
claustrophobic days of nagging,

bickering couples teetering
on the verge of divorce.

And to top it all off,

I just found out Wade's
not even out to his family.

If that's all that
long-term commitment,

let alone marriage, gets you,
then why am I even doing this?

How would I know, blood?

I ain't never aspired
to the marital state.

My old man used to use
my old dear as a punch bag.

She never left him.

Stabbed him once,
but never left him.

Curtis, that's horrible.

That's my point, innit?

So, what are you gonna do?

Live free or die?

Noah Nehemiah Nicholson.

Live free or die?

Thank you for sharing that.

Mm.

Curtis.

C-Curtis.

Curtis, off!

Wow!

Oh, shit.

Are you sure you're
gonna be okay, Mr. Robinson?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Sorry, guys. I didn't think
I had that much to drink.

It's not a real bachelor party
unless someone blows chunks.

I'ma go get outta
these clothes.

What the hell's
wrong with you?

We can't have
one genuine moment

without you trying
to get into my pants?

Sorry, blood.
I can't help myself.

You're just too damn sexy.

Come on.

Gotta get you outta
these wet clothes.

You're gonna freeze to death.

Is that a hot tub?

Yeah.

Race you!

W-What?

Whoo!

Baby Gat, yeah! Whoo!

Curtis!

King Kong
ain't got shit on me!

Do you realize you're naked
and it's freezing?

Do you know you're crazy?
You're completely insane.

I'm crazy about you! Come on!

You have to get
outta the tub.

No, get out. Stop! No!

Curtis, what is wrong...

Stupid.

You might as well shed
them garms, blood.

Oh, so that means
you must know Diana.

I mean Miss Ross.

Her son Evan and I
are like new best friends.

His acting career
is really blowing up too.

Tell me you saw him in ATL.

I sure did, bitch.

He is young, but he is fine!

Yes, girl, he could get it,
for real, bitch.

Who you callin' a bitch?

Oh.

Oh, I thought
you were for real.

That's not the "T."

You gotta love me, though.

No, I don't...gotta.

I love Wade.

Your mouth's saying Wade,
but your dick says Curtis.

Oh!

- No, it doesn't.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow.

What the fuck
is goin' on, guys?

What's up, wank stain?

Wade, we were just--

Wade!

Wade!

Ah, let him split.

Movie or no movie,

if you fuck up my wedding,

I swear to God
I will kill you!

Wade!

Ricky, Ricky.
Go after him.

Make sure he doesn't
do anything crazy.

Why not? You did.

Please?

Ooh, come to papa.

What?

It's you.

I saw what happened
back there.

You all right?

Are you?

You love him, don't you?

But he loves you.

Yeah?

Between me and you,

I've always wondered
what all the fuss is about.

What makes him
so crazy about you?

Well...

between me and you,

I always wondered
what the fuss was about you.

How come nobody
ever turns you down?

Not even Arturo.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Shit, no!

Noah! Noah!

If I have to listen

to one more
banal celebrity anecdote,

I will rupture my own eardrums.

Do you want some wine?

I want a divorce.

You slap me,
and you want the divorce?

We're not happy,
and you know it.

It's over.

What, no piercing riposte?

I am too drunk.

We should talk about this
when--when we're sober.

Let it go, Chance.
We failed.

Failure is one
of the most basic freedoms.

Just let it go!

Chance?

♪ Deep inside ♪

♪ I know it's right ♪

- Oh, O.J. is so cute.
- Ain't he though?

And he love himself
some Mama Alex.

Sometimes I think Trey's
a little jealous

of how close our bond is.

Mm. Mm-mm.

Is that Trey?
Damn, he fine.

I know his big, corn-fed ass
be manhandling you.

And he makes me feel
like a real wom.

A W-O-M-A-N.

Noah! Noah!

It's bad luck for the grooms
to see each other

before the wedding!

Right!

Noah! Noah, it's not
what you think!

Baby! Baby, open the door!

Baby, just--
Please, just listen to me.

Let's talk about it.

Noah!

Noah, please, baby! Come on.

Noah!

Fuck!

♪ And so we'll drink
the wine ♪

♪ And have a real good time ♪

♪ Holding each other
all night long ♪

♪ We'll sing together ♪

♪ The sweetest song ♪

♪ And we'll never, never ♪

♪ Never be alone ♪

♪ I will melt in your love ♪

♪ Like an angel from above ♪

♪ Holding each other
all night long ♪

♪ We'll sing
the sweetest song ♪

♪ We'll never be alone ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ But don't ♪

♪ Don't you call it love ♪

♪ Oh, I don't want you to ♪

♪ I forbid you to ♪

♪ Said I don't want you to ♪

♪ I never, never, never ♪

♪ Want you to call it love,
woman ♪

♪ Don't you call it love ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ Don't want you
to call it love ♪

♪ Ooh, hoo, hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Don't call it love ♪

♪ Don't call it love ♪

Oh, my God,
the food looks amazing.

And the cake...

Ahh.

Alex, what's wrong?

It's the cake.

It's perfect.

I've been trying
to put on a happy face,

but I can't lie anymore.

How to save
your gay marriage.

This wasn't for me and Wade,
was it?

Girl, my marriage
is a shitty mess.

I wondered why you highlighted
so many passages.

But I thought things were
going great between you two.

I mean, the clinic
just got that big grant.

You guys just adopted O.J.

I know.

I guess I should count
my blessings.

But Trey and I are driving
each other crazy.

We're together 24/7.

But most of the time
is either spent at the clinic

or taking care of the baby.

You've only had him
a couple months.

You guys will get
into the parenting groove.

Things will level out.

It's not just that.

Trey's more passive.
I'm more domineering.

And sometimes I hear the way

I talk to him
and see the look in his face...

and it's like I'm powerless
to stop doing what I'm doing.

Well, "Identifying the problem
is the first step

towards solving it."

The problem is,
I'm the boyfriend from hell.

And the solution is, he should
just kick me to the curb.

But you know
Trey loves you, right?

That sounds more convincing
as a solution

when you're about
to be married.

But ten years in it...

It's gonna take more than love
to save the day.

But if love won't save it,
what will?

Don't you think
it's worth saving?

You think he care about me?

Clearly.

Thanks.

Take this with you.

Don't even think about it.

Chance.

Chance.

What time is it?

Time to decide
what you really want.

Eddie's been passed out
all night.

If you go up there now,
he'll never know.

He'll know,
because I'll tell him.

He's my husband.
I owe him the truth.

Brandon.

Brandon. Wake up.

Time to go back
to your own bed.

Uck.

Move.

Are you all right?

The wedding party
seems to have turned

into a divorce party,
including me and Wade.

Oh, come here.

Sorry I didn't get
to the rewrites.

Don't worry
about the rewrites.

- I'll get you an extension.
- Really?

I'll talk to your boss.

I hear she's a real bitch,
but I can handle her.

Now listen up.
Life is the script, Noah.

You're the writer
of your own life.

It's time to take control.

Time to take control.

- Thank you, Brandy.
- Mm.

I need a bump.

This can't happen again.

Bad boundaries.

But thank you.

Kitchen.

And, boo,
you tell your Daddy Trey

that Daddy Alex knows
he can be a damn fool.

And he promises
that he's gonna try harder

to keep his mouth closed
and open his ears and listen.

He just wants a chance.

Do you think Daddy Alex
deserves a chance?

Do you even have to ask?

Boy, now, I know you gonna
give me some when I get home,

'cause you know
I'm hungry for it.

Got a little treat
for you, boo.

Let me turn my music up.

♪ Blame it on the liquor ♪

♪ 'Cause it makes me
come quicker ♪

♪ Make me cornbread, that's
gonna make me stay thicker ♪

♪ Cabbage, apple pie,
and candied yams ♪

♪ I'm not Martha Stewart,
but, baby, I'm Miss Pam ♪

♪ Yeah, and I like it
like that ♪

♪ Come on, baby boy,
just freak me from the back ♪

♪ The way I throw my hips
is so, so vicious ♪

♪ I can be your genie,
I can grant ten wishes ♪

♪ I eat sushi ♪

I'm sorry, all right?

It's my fault.

I mean, I started it.

Why?

Because--

I don't get it.

Why would my best friend

feel the need to add my fiancé
to the endless parade of tricks

he's collected all weekend?

The student, the gardener,

the stranger in the park,
the cop.

I never made it
with the cop.

What?

I felt humiliated
after being arrested,

so I lied to make the tragedy
sound like a triumph.

The sexy guy in the woods?

A married closet-case

who doesn't know how to give
a proper blowjob.

Arturo was just a fling.

And Brandon's just a kid--

a hot kid--
but being with him

makes me feel middle-aged
and out of it.

But with Wade,

I needed to know why.

- Why what?
- Why him?

What is so great about him?

What's the magical, special,

wonderful, amazing thing
he's got that--

that I don't?

You mean--

I love you.

Not as a friend
or as a girlfriend.

More than that.

And every guy I meet
pales in comparison.

They're just bodies.

I love you.

And the words
burn in my mouth

because I know
you don't love me.

- Ricky--
- Not that way, I know.

It's my burden.

And I'm sorry if it sometimes
makes me act like a jerk.

But I know one thing.

What?

I will always have your back.

Always.

And I know something else.

You love Wade.

Thank you.

So, what are you waiting for?

- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry too.

You know, nothing happened,
just a drunken kiss.

Same with Baby Gat,

minus the kiss.

Are we doing
the right thing?

I mean, are we taking this
seriously enough?

Till death do us part?
Forsaking all others?

We can only try, Wade.

But I want to try.

I really do.

Do you?

For sure.

Mm.

Let's go get changed.

I have three more
relationships to save

before the minister gets here.

Lead the way.

- Where's the cream?
- I got your cream.

Shut up, fool.

Sorry about last night.

Can we move on?

♪ I walked a thousand miles ♪

♪ And nothing's what I found ♪

♪ Until you came around ♪

♪ 'Cause you're the greatest ♪

Hey, don't look at me,
brother.

I popped so many pills,

I ain't got a clue
what happened last night.

Good.

Can you help me with my hair?

Yeah.

Let me check on Brandon first.

♪ I didn't have
to look so far ♪

♪ 'Cause love's where you are ♪

You really don't remember?

♪ And now I realize ♪

♪ That the stars
are in your eyes ♪

'Cause I sure don't.

Hey.

Hi, Mr.-- Um, Noah.

Are you okay?

Have you heard
from your parents?

Not a word.

Well, it may take them
some time,

but they'll come around.

And what if they don't?

What am I gonna do?

I mean, I stay in the dorms
during the school year,

but what about the summer
and holidays and--

Listen to me.

Regardless of what happens
with your family,

you will always have
a place to go

with me and Wade
or Chance and Eddie or Ricky.

Ricky?

It may take him a while,

but he always gets
to the right thing in the end.

Come on.

And why would you guys
do that for me?

Because now...

you're part of our family too.

Now I need to take a shower.

But you look cute.

For me, the life of the mind
has always come first.

I can't be happy
if it doesn't.

But...I will never
love anybody

as much as I love you.

I don't want a life
with anyone but you.

And I will give you
all the love

I have to give
another human being.

Can we make a vow...

to make what we have between us
an adventure,

to say yes to everything
remarkable and amazing?

To be always
rebuilding the temple.

To be always rebuilding
the temple.

T.S. Eliot.

I slept with Brandon.

I know.

I missed you.

As well you should have.

And, by the way...

the answer's yes.

What's the question?

Do I forgive you?

♪ Oh, baby, I'm so taken ♪

♪ And all that I need
is to wake up in your arms ♪

♪ And I was reaching
for the stars ♪

♪ But I didn't have
to look so far ♪

♪ 'Cause love's where you are ♪

♪ But I didn't have a clue ♪

♪ And now I realize ♪

♪ That the stars
are in your eyes ♪

♪ 'Cause you always shine ♪

♪ Baby, you're the greatest ♪

Shouldn't we get started?

Just one more minute.

But it's cold out there.
Our guests are freezing.

Just one more.

Oh, my God.

Here you are, ma'am.
Watch your step.

- Ohh!
- Mommy?

Oh, you look so beautiful.

Ohh!

Mommy!

I can't believe you were
gonna get married without me.

I wanted you here, but...

I didn't want Wade
to feel bad.

Ohh.

Well, at least he had
the good sense to invite us,

even if his own folks
couldn't make it.

- Yeah.
- Oh, I love you.

Your daddy really
wanted to be here,

but he had to go stay
with his mama.

Grandma? Is she okay?

She fell, bruised her hip.
Drunk old battle-ax.

- Mom!
- Oh, she's fine.

Anyway, he wanted me
to tell you we gonna throw y'all

a big reception in L.A.
when you get back.

Cool.

Where should I sit?

You can have my seat.

Oh, no, that's not fair.
You sit.

Now what?

I have no idea.

It's my mom.

Shit.

Girl, this is worse than
an episode of Jerry Springer.

Uh-uh. Maury Povich.

Oh, gir'.

Mom?

Wade.

Mom...
Mom, this is--

Noah.

You know?

Noah and I had
a very interesting conversation

last night
about 1:30 in the morning.

I'm sorry.
I was gonna tell you.

Um, we were drunk,

and I felt bad that
your family wouldn't be here.

I had no idea they didn't--

It's okay.
I'm glad it's out.

Wade...

do you want to explain to me
why you neglected to tell me

that not only are you
a...homosexual--

All: Ooh!

But that you are marrying

your male lover
in our vacation home?

I wanted to.

So many times I've tried.
But how could I?

The way you raised me,
it'd be easier telling you

I was an axe murderer.

Wade...you are my son.

And although
this may not be the life

that I would have
chosen for you,

I have it
on very good authority

that sexuality
is not a choice,

no matter what your father

and those evangelists
down at the church say.

So...
you're okay with this?

'Cause if you're not,

you can just turn
right back around and go home.

Noah and I
have been through too much

to let you or anybody else
ruin this day for us.

Well...

then somebody better pay
that taxi driver.

I'll get it!

- Okay.
- There he go.

It's the least I can do.

I'm sorry your father
can't be here.

Can't or won't?

I'm here.

- Baby steps.
- Baby steps.

Sit down.

I gotta tell you,

your son is marrying
a wonderful human being.

I'd snap either of them up
in a minute, but, you know.

Beautiful girl like you,
and you're not married?

Oh. You're a lesbian.
I'm sorry.

Uhh! Girl, I wish.

I'm dickly.

Strictly!

When I first saw you,
it wasn't love at first sight.

You were intriguing,
fascinating, remarkable,

but you were a man.

When I first started
to feel things for you,

I didn't know
what those things were

because you were a man.

When I first told you
I loved you,

trembling inside,

so full of fear
that I could hardly breathe,

I could see the hesitation
in your eyes.

I could feel your fear.

And when...

Well, words are just words.

And talk is cheap.

I asked you to marry me
because marriage is a deed.

I asked you to marry me
here in my family's home...

to prove to you
that I have no shame

to place
our names together

in front
of the whole world

so that the whole world
could bend for us

and for our love

and in front of your friends,

who I will learn to love

because you love them
and because they love you.

All this, I did for you.

And all this,
I'll do for us.

I'll be courageous,

forbearing.

I'll be loving.

I'll be kind.

I will take all
that trembles inside of you

and place it safely
in the palm of my hand...

forever.

Oh, you cryin'?

When I first saw you,

it wasn't love at first sight.

You were intriguing,

fascinating, remarkable,

but you were straight,

or so I thought,

or so you thought.

But my love for you
grew quietly,

just past the corner of my eye,

watered by time

and tears...

and kisses.

I knew I loved you

when just the sight of you
pierced me

with a fear and a longing
beyond lust,

when I wanted to give you
the world

and receive nothing in return
but your smile.

And this I will do for you.

And this I will do for us:

be kind.

Be honest.

Be fearless.

Be true.

I will be your port
in the storm

and your shield in the battle.

And when the time comes

for us to go to the long home
of the ancestors...

I will dance with you there.

And now, with the power
vested in me

by the commonwealth
of Massachusetts,

I now pronounce you
husband and husband,

sealed with a kiss.

All: Aww.

♪ Tell me what
you're feelin' ♪

♪ And what it all means ♪

Yay!

♪ You could be defensive ♪

Yay!

♪ Or open up
and share your dreams ♪

♪ You can keep
right on denyin' ♪

♪ Or face me and stop cryin' ♪

♪ 'Cause this time
when I reach out ♪

♪ It may be my last try ♪

♪ Because I want ♪

♪ Something real ♪

♪ One time before I die ♪

♪ We'll cry until it's funny ♪

♪ And laugh ourselves
to tears ♪

♪ If you're frightened, honey ♪

♪ I'll, I'll hold you
through your fears ♪

♪ You see, I've had ♪

♪ Some bad relationships
already ♪

♪ I've fooled around ♪

♪ I've gone steady ♪

♪ This time when I reach out ♪

♪ It may be my last try ♪

♪ 'Cause you see I want ♪

♪ Something real ♪

♪ One time before I die ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We can make love all night ♪

♪ Till the sky catches fire ♪

♪ Be talking for hours ♪

♪ I'll never get tired ♪

♪ I don't want you to lie ♪

♪ But you're such
a beautiful liar ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

Shall we?

When in Rome.

Let's show 'em how it's done.

♪ You see I want ♪

♪ Something real
from you, baby ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Something
I don't have to steal ♪

Wow.

For better or for worse?

For better or worse.

♪ Something real ♪

♪ One time before I die ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ Thinks I'm an idiot ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ Can't stop laughing ♪

♪ How can that be true ♪

♪ If I'm in love with you? ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ Thinks it's a big joke ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ You all think
it's a big joke ♪

♪ But how can that be true ♪

♪ If I'm in love with you? ♪

♪ If I'm in love with you ♪

♪ All these jets ♪

♪ And all these trains ♪

♪ Wake up shivering again ♪

♪ So far away ♪

♪ So far away ♪

♪ Is it the same for you? ♪

♪ Oh, what can I do? ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ Thinks I'm an idiot ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ Can't stop laughing ♪

♪ How can that be true ♪

♪ If I'm in love with you? ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ Thinks it's a big joke ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ You all think
it's a big joke ♪

♪ How can that be true ♪

♪ If I'm in love with you? ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ Thinks I'm an idiot ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ Can't stop laughing ♪

♪ How can that be true ♪

♪ If I'm in love with you? ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ Thinks it's a big joke ♪

♪ Everybody here ♪

♪ They all think
I'm an idiot ♪

♪ How can that be true ♪

♪ If I'm in love with you? ♪

♪ If I'm in love with you ♪