All language subtitles for Homebound s01e06.eng

Remember Vaughn?

This Vaughn?

My sister's red -pilled Keto New World
Order Illuminati ex -husband.

Wait, is this on repeat?

I miss Vaughn.

Have you, like, never heard of Shuffle?

Such nice memories.

Hey, do you remember that time you took
a dump in the waypoint and it landed on

someone's pie?

No. Well, I do.

You were so embarrassed to reflect with
the toilet for a week.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I see you were constipated the whole
summer.

Hey, poo aside, and you know how close
to my heart that topic is, but when did

you say was the last time you came to
this water park?

Oh,

wow. Great job.

No one thought to Google.

Why are you always such a miserable
bitch?

Oh, hey, relax, guys.

Don't defend me.

Why can't you be more like your
boyfriend?

Melissa, apologize to your sister.

Apologize to Henry.

Apologize to me.

What? Why?

For dragging me three hours out of town
to some reclaimed water park that was

turned into a nature reserve in 2018.

Wow, the intelligence on display here is
staggering.

Oh, just shut up.

Okay, okay, okay. Melissa, stop, okay?

Look, guys, on the right side, I saw
another camping ground just up the road.

That could be fun, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure.
Let's go. Let's go check this way.

Melissa, come on, come on. Oh, yeah,
fun. Let's go. Let's go check it. Great.

Okay, cool.

Let's get back in the stinky -ass car
again.

Hi, hello, hello.

Kiwi Road Trip Motel and Campground.

First time? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. First
time.

Staying here.

Oh, virgins.

How exciting.

Anyway, housekeeping.

Bathrooms, that way.

Showers, also that way.

Now, you get three minutes of hot water
each session.

After that, don't say cold, your balls
will crawl right back up inside.

So, hey, no shower fun, eh?

Hey,

you too, talking to you.

Speaking of slipping slides, you folks
wouldn't have happened to come here for

the water park, would you?

Who could have known that closed hour in
2018?

Most major news outlets reported it.

So, anyway,

take a look at that.

If you're looking for alternative
entertainment, why fly all the way

Tasman when you've got it all here?

I'm just three hours out of Auckland up
the SH1.

Or you can get on a plane for three
hours and visit the real Australia.

Yeah, but have they got clay shooting?

Probably.

Exactly. And so do we.

So don't you let anyone tell you that
they got something we ain't.

What do you reckon?

That's props.

Yeah.

Great.

Okay, are you ready?

It is currently sitting at 40 ,000 total
views.

Vice News wants to talk, and you've had
about 300 death threats in the last 72

hours. Is that good?

Yeah, it's Vice.

No, the death threats.

Look, when Alpha Male 347 DMs you to
kill yourself, that's when you know it's

gone viral.

This is the most success you've ever had
as a writer.

It'll probably never happen again.

Thanks. Like, ever.

No, I get it. Yes, you should be
scooping this up with both hands like

attention -starved, unpublished writer
that you are.

Is everything okay at your dad's camper
van business?

And if I can do one more RV dump box, I
swear to God, I'm going to fucking...

Hey, a little help?

Just a minute.

Is that Melissa?

No.

Pigs. Sounds like Melissa.

Pigs!

Look, Vice will still be there when I
get back on Monday. I just need to get

through this weekend.

Okay. I just want the record to reflect.
I think it's super weird you're going

on a family trip with her.

Is it getting a divorce?

Yeah, I've been divorced.

It's not that bad.

Whatever you're doing on the socials and
tell alpha male 347 thanks for the

support.

Excuse me, are you sleeping in the same
bed?

No.

Good. Good.

Good. Good. Good.

Good. Good.

Stop repeating what I say in a
meaningful tone. Just be careful you

anything, like the flu or feelings.

Bye.

Oh, thanks for your help, Romeo.

A sense of one -person assembly. I
wasn't expecting a Frank Geary.

How's Mandy?

She's fine.

You have the emotional intelligence of
Amoeba.

Oh, well, if you're so worried about
her, why don't you date her?

She's single now.

I'm dating you.

Look, I just don't understand why you
have to be this miserable when you're

one who told me to come. I hate you.

You don't get it, because that is how
it's always been.

Yeah, I get on the Dean's List. Mandy
gets 80 ,000 likes on Instagram.

I get into med school, but, wow, Mandy
gets a sponsorship from Kmart. I break

leg, but, oh, no, Mandy has stubbed her
toe.

So you feel undervalued? Wow, how
original.

You know what? I shouldn't even be here.
Saturday is when we get our biggest,

spacious fist.

Disgusting, it's too.

Stop being such a baby. This clingy,
needy version of you is seriously off

-brand. Screw you.

The space is off -brand, wanker.

The only thing I'll see about this place
is that half -assed, she'll be right

sign. Shut up, she'll be.

What? I'm just saying we'll probably get
tetanus here.

Get better, we'll lose it.

Welcome to Aussie land.

You like it?

She's got the accent.

Damn right, girl.

Come on, I'll show you around.

We've got a lot to explore.

Let's start with the lake.

Larry's condo.

Larry?

Crog.

And this is Clyde.

And that's safe?

Safe. I've got a two -year -old girl
that rides on these.

And where is she now?

Alive. What? So who wants to go first?

How about you?

Hard path.

Jeez, someone woke up with a wombat over
a rump.

Okay, how about you, sir?

Oh, me?

Hey, why not?

Just give it a try.

Hey, you think you can brighten up a
bit?

Open your eyes.

What? Look at her. She's miserable.

Yeah, so... So right now, you're
winning.

She's in the dumps while you're here in
a semi -functional relationship with a

successful boyfriend who has over 300
death threats and counting.

Fake boyfriend.

Who they will think is real.

In a year's time, Mandy will be done
with her divorce.

And then she's going to bring home a
movie star who's also a surgeon, and

parents are going to go back to saving
you last in a house fire.

So just enjoy this.

Right now, you're creating Wu family
history.

It might never happen again.

I'm OK.

All right. Who wants to go next?

Don't be shy.

I'll go.

I was born ready.

That's nice.

Mandy, look, there's still such a male.

If Melissa can find one, you can find
one.

That Wong, don't worry about her.

She's the first time to come to us.

I think she's not a good thing.

She's got a bad boy's head.

Oh, she's got a bokeh.

She's got a bokeh. She's got a bokeh.
She's got a bokeh. She's got a bokeh.

She's got a bokeh. She's got a bokeh.

The calculator app.

How do you work in tech and use the
calculator app?

Maybe he was just dividing really large
numbers.

We do it with our head, okay?

Okay, what's 504 divided by 36?

What?

We do it in our head at his age, okay?

Mandy. Remember when he took your blood
sugar for a month and made you eat red

meat and only red meat? Mum, come on.

What? Can't we just... I mean... Look at
her, can't we?

What do you mean, look at me? Look at
what?

What? Fuck you.

Whoa, Mandy.

I don't need this big sister bullshit.

After you waltz in on my trip, after my
divorce, with your coward K -pop

knockoff... Okay, don't talk about him
like that. I don't need you.

Okay?

to make your sister upset. She's going
through a... She's going through a

divorce.

What?

I'll take care of him.

What?

You want a sausage?

I'm busy.

Yeah, clearly.

What do you want?

The thing back there when you

were... Like, whatever.

Yeah. Okay?

There was not one full sentence in
there.

I was... I was just trying to get them
off your back. That's all.

And... I'm... Sorry.

What are you sorry for?

I'm sorry you're such a bitch. I heard
it's terminal.

I don't know the truth.

I did everything right.

I met a guy, an amazing, amazing guy.

Except for the keto.

Except for the keto.

Everything mum and dad wanted for us
both, I did it because you wouldn't. And

now, Mandy, you know you don't have to
be what people want you to be. Of course

you would say that.

You did what you wanted. All the time.

Every time.

And it worked out for you. You're free.

The rest of us aren't so lucky.

Henry. Oh, yeah, right.

Right.

Henry, you know the way he looks at you
when you're not paying attention?

Nobody ever looks at me until I make
them.

It's not real.

We faked it. The whole relationship.

I needed a fake boyfriend because I
wanted to sleep with Gail and he's

interesting. Henry was about to get
kicked out. We both were getting our

off our backs so we faked the whole
thing. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

It feels so good to get that off me.

But, um,

yeah, what you said, totally.

It's real.

Okay, Mandy, did you not just... There
is something you cannot escape.

Mandy. Melissa, for once in your life,
let yourself be happy.

And just like that, gravity net was safe
and the universe's intergalactic

internet. It's back online.

The end.

Yeah, that's my favourite.

Yeah, I like it too.

Hey, what do you think they're saying
over there?

I'm not crazy, am I?

The thing with Melissa, am I being
crazy?

I mean, I know we're just pretending,
but I don't know, maybe we're pretending

because we're... Afraid of the truth.

What?

Like the military.

Whoa.

Now,

these buggers are particular to this
neck of the woods, but the trick to

them light up the night sky is you
cannot disturb them.

You have to be quiet.

Oh, yeah, great.

We're best friends now.

Why?

Well, this is nice, right?

Spa trips are nice.

Travel to Hawaii is nice.

But I've caught taking menus and rolling
orgasms are nice.

You say it like you're high for them.

You say it like you've given them.

You know, you really don't get enough
credit for how funny you are.

Oh, you know, I shine when I have
pathetic people around me to draw from.

Thanks. Hang on.

Listen, I've been, um,

you know, thinking a lot recently about
stuff.

You know, like The Matrix and... What?

The film with Keanu Reeves. Yeah, I know
what The Matrix is.

Why? And, like, you know, like,
thematically it's actually pretty

like a sci -fi version of Plato's Cave.
And the point is, what are we?

We're basically just bags of flesh and
bone. You know, with no real purpose.

And, like... Imagine if I could put my
hand through that cave right now as

talking about the Matrix.

Henry, are you high?

No.

What I'm trying to say is what is real?

Like spas, vacations, nine -course
rolling orgasms.

Sure, but I don't know. Maybe what's
real is this.

You know, walking through a bush at
night with someone.

Glowworms cheering Mandy up because
she's upset. You know, that's it. That's

what's real. So, I don't know, maybe
this could be something because real is

just two people trying to make each
other happy.

You know? Shut up.

What?

You don't know what real it is, Henry.

Okay, you live at home.

So do you.

Yeah, but I have goals.

I have plans.

And you, you're just...

a parasite, you know?

Like, you leeched onto Yang Yang and you
leeched onto Christian with your stupid

article and now you're just leeching
onto me because you don't know what you

want.

You don't know how to do real, Henry.

That's why nobody wants to publish you.

The best that you can do is be a copy of
a copy of a copy.

The best you can do.

Is pretend.

Because you're a hack.

And... And you don't deserve to be
happy.

Why are you crying?

Coles?

Yeah.

They weren't kidding about the three
-minute roll.

I'd wait if I were you.

Hey.

You wanna go to walk?

Yeah.

I heard you fighting on the bushwalk.

That'd be so... Best date for getting
sisters at the clinic.

It had nothing to do with our
relationship.

Henry, I know.

I know.

She told me.

We're still sisters.

I don't know what we were thinking.

It's just so... Stupid.

Have you thought about being less
stupid?

Occasionally.

I never commit to it.

Don't get me wrong, my sister is
obnoxious and difficult and stubborn and

narcissistic and an attention whore and
a pathological asshole.

But some people like that kind of thing.

Make it real.

Henry, I have problems, issues that I'm
working on.

It's life.

I'm not working on them.

Honestly, most of the time I'm pretty
content with myself, but sometimes I

to be better.

Not nicer, just gooder.

I want to be happy.

It comes so easily to other people, you
know.

I want to try.

I want to try.

Sorry,

I can't.

Well, now you know, right?

It sounds really good now.

You okay funny over there?

Yeah.

Let me explain certain things.

Make my whole world change.

I'll say, I'll say it all

right?

Fine.

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