All language subtitles for The.Great.North.S04E02.1080p.WEB.h264-BAE

- Hello?
- Beef cheeks, it's carissa.

Me and dorothy and marie are
going to gals guzzle free night

At the daiquiri cave in
kenai. You wanna come?

Gonna be a lotta
sturdy broads there!

I wish but...
My... Nets are tangled,

And my traps are on fire.

So gotta take a rain check.

Beef, I love ya, but
you're a terrible liar.

You should be meetin'
some bishes instead

Of catchin' fishes,
but your loss.

Smell you later.

Time to unwind after
a full day of fishing

With a little more fishing.

No.

I'll just swim back.
God, the current.

My leg is so stuck.

Okay, think, beef.

Your leg is stuck in the net.

You gotta get untangled.

But pulling is seeming
to tighten the ropes.

Cold water. Hypothermia.

- Probably have 15 minutes at best.
- Beef.

- What?
- Relax.

It's all okay.

God? Is that you?

Sorry I said I thought
you were imaginary.

It's not god, beef.

It's me! Your penis.

Man, hypothermia
must be setting in.

Wait, why do you
have a southern accent?

'cause I'm from down south.

On your body. I mean...

I was, when I was alive.

But now I'm dead.

And I'm in heaven. Me.
Your beautiful body handle.

Deceased. Because you
haven't used me in years.

What? That's not true.
What about last month?

The latest issue of
fisherwoman's quarterly.

That was a few minutes of fun.

I'm not talking about
catchin' your own cod,

I'm talking about sex.

Sex is kinda my thing.

Well, I never have the
opportunity to meet anyone.

"I never have the
opportunity..."

You pass up
opportunities all the time.

You just passed up
an opportunity to go to

Gals guzzle free
night with carissa.

I have ears, you know.

- You do?
- Kinda.

Anyway, saying no to
going to a literal ladies night

Was the last straw for me.

It killed me. Just come
join me in heaven.

But I don't want to die.

Well, then, maybe
I could help you.

- Please!
- If you could also help me.

- I'll do anything.
- Promise me you'll actually start living,

Get me in the game?

Because I'm not
asking for a lot!

I'd take a-a one-night stand.

Or, I don't know, let's
say you meet a lady

At the bus station.

Y'all go to the
bathroom together.

She gets you up on
the changing table.

Her teeth fall out,
but who cares?

Maybe that's part of it.

Wait, what am I saying?
Please, help me get untangled!

Okay, the net is tangled
around your left foot.

It's in a kind of a cinch
knot, so slide it up your leg

To loosen it, then
wiggle your foot out.

Holy hell.

I'm alive. I'm alive!

Sorry... I'm... Late.

Beef, you okay there?

You look like the
bear from the revenant.

Dad? What happened to you?

Okay, I know this
might sound bonkers,

But I had a
near-death experience,

And I... Saw something.

The cherubic faces of
your beloved children?

No, I saw my...

My penis in the sky,
and it spoke unto me.

So you passed out, had a dream?

This was no dream,
it was an epiphany.

My, genital member was angry

About me not having...

- A falcon?
- Sex.

And that's my cue.
Glad you're okay, dad.

I'll be on the porch
not talking about this.

I'm also suppressing
a scream of terror

At the prospect of discussing
dad's boudoir journey,

But I like to be
perceived as sex-positive,

And I want dad to be happy,
so I'm just gonna stay here

But just nod and say "...-"

I, on the other hand,
am ready to dig in.

Father, are you saying
that your downstairs dad

Wants you to get a girlfriend?

He's not looking for commitment.

He's after a one-night stand.

Maybe me and honeybee
can find you a date,

And then we can
all go out together!

It's always been a dream of mine

To do some
double-teaming with my dad.

I hope to god that's not
what you meant to say.

Thank you for the offer, son.

But I've gleaned from tv

That if all I'm looking
for is a "hooking up,"

I should just get on
the... Applications.

Yeah, if you're just after a
little straddle-and-skedaddle,

Then dating apps
are just the ticket.

All right, once
we finish dinner,

I will expose myself
to the internet.

Hey, moon. Did you
have to fart during dinner

So you came outside?

It happens to me all the time.

Just last week I had to
run out of steak 'n shake.

Actually, the
indoor conversation

Got a little too
grown-up for my liking.

What are you up to, jerry?

I was just stopping by to grab

My spare bigfoot head.

I left it over here last week.

Classy.

- May I?
- Yeah.

Whoa, baby bigfoot. Ooh,
this is giving me an idea.

My gigs have slowed
down a little lately,

And I could use a new gimmick.

You want to play
bigfoot's baby brother

At the birthday
gig I'm headed to?

- For real?
- Heck yeah, it'll be fun.

Plus, I always wanted
a real-life baby brother,

But it never happened.

- So what do you say?
- I'm in.

And we can split the tip.

Free money? Okay, you're
already my new best big brother.

Let me go inform my
family about my new life.

Okay, I uploaded the only
picture we have of dad smiling.

Remember? We took it after

You saw that monkey
wearing human clothes.

It's not what
they're supposed to wear.

So, I guess I just click this button...

- Hey, you matched.
- Wonderful.

What do I do? Send
her a letter in the mail?

You meet her tonight
at the russian restaurant.

And... Send. If things
go well, you'll be getting

An extra side of russian
un-dressing. -I hope so.

Life is precious, and I cannot
squander this second chance.

I must do what my
trouser captain demands.

Hello...

- Tracy?
- Hi.

Hi. I'm sex tobin.

I'm here for beef. I mean sex.

I mean I'm here for a date.

Sex. Beef.

- Sex me.
- I'm gonna go.

Oof. Rough start,
but that's okay.

We gotta get you
back on that horse.

That sex horse. Yee-haw, dad!

Ooh. Here we go.

I wonder if I've ever eaten
a fish that you caught.

That sure is fun to think about.

It is.

I hope you're
enjoying your drink.

- I am.
- You're welcome.

- I don't follow.
- I invented cups.

You invented cups?

- Yes.
- Is this a joke?

Also, I know you're...
Hillary clinton.

I can't wait to wriggle
that skin suit off you

- Back at my place.
- To be expected.

You're gonna meet some people
who are bonkers in the wonkers.

Right. Back on the
sex horse I sit again.

Maybe I'll get earplugs,

Or perhaps the
lord will take me.

Here we go.

This lady looks nice and normal.

Nina?

Hello, daddy!

- My diaper was full.
- No.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Um, barbie?

I dwopped my pacifier, daddy.

Guys, I've been out every
night this week. I'm exhausted.

And a new issue of fisherwoman's
quarterly arrived today,

So maybe I'll stay
in and just read.

Beef, that last app sucked, but

I found one called lumber love
that seems more your speed.

You're meeting a
gal called dee tonight.

She says she's gonna be
wearing head-to-toe plaid.

Well, that is a great start.

Hey, guys. I'm here
to pick moon up.

Bigfoot and his little
brother are a big hit.

This is our fifth
party this week.

Let's go do what bigfeet do.

Stackin' bills and
delivering thrills.

Well, there's my
date in head-to-toe plaid.

Hey, delmer. I think there might
have been a fun little mix-up.

Hell no!

Sorry, mr. P,

I really tried.

Greta? What are you
doing on the ground?

It's silly, I have something
called "cottage cheese knees."

The dumb things just
give out sometimes.

I was just heading in for
a drink. Are you leaving?

Buffalo wild wings.

That was because of the sex.

Good morning. Wow, beef.

You sure made a lot of bacon.

Which is great, because
I'm pork deficient.

If I don't eat at least
a half a pound a day,

My doctor says my
hands could fall off.

I know it's just the
two of us, but I set

Six places out of habit.

I love it! I mean,

Who doesn't love breakfast?

Well, there was my
old co-worker kedden

Who used to scream
at his hash browns

In the break room, but he died.

I also packed you
a nutritious lunch.

So, that's there if
you should want it.

I...

Um, haven't really,
had, you know,

A romantic encounter in a while.

I wasn't sure how to act.

Beef, just because
we knocked galoshes

Doesn't mean we have
to act any differently.

- We're just friends who boned.
- Friends who boned.

Okay, I like the sound of that.

Well, I have to go home

And prepare this exact same meal

For my entire family
before they wake up.

Surprise!

We noticed you didn't
come home last night,

So we threw a little
something together for you.

Was it everything
you'd hoped for?

Rose petals? Candles?

A single hershey's
kiss on your pillowcase?

- Spill.
- Or, you know, don't spill. At all.

Son, those details are private.

But what the heck?

Give me a slice of that
one-night-stand cake.

Why is there breakfast cake?

More like sex-fest cake! Ha-ha!

- Dad went all the way!
- And back up I go.

Take me with you.

We did it, my penis.

We had a one-night
stand. Of sex!

Man, we're making
money hand over fist.

And I'm finally
getting to experience

The big brother thing.

Who knew it'd be so much fun

Buying my little brother
an amount of ice cream

That would make
him physically sick?

- You're nailing it, jer.
- Well, hello, hello, hello.

Um... Hello.

We heard you've
been doin' parties

Around town, as a duo.

Even heard you did ryan
ferguson's sixth birthday party.

- Yeah.
- Ferguson is our gig!

There's only room for one

Big/little party
duo in this town.

Used to be big
cher and little cher.

Then someone gave 'em
a pair of concrete wigs.

Now the only big/little
duo is us. Capisce?

Okay, that was freaky.

Don't worry
about it, little bro.

They're just party entertainers.

Yeah, what's the
worst they could do?

Hit us with a
bucket of confetti?

Or make us a delightful
balloon animal?

Honestly, I'd welcome it.

Good morning,

My fine family.

What are you looking at?

- Hi, dad.
- Morning.

- Nothing.
- Dad,

If you're thinking about reading

The poetry corner, don't bother.

It's just dumb.

But today's obituaries
are popping off.

Don't be ridiculous, judy.

You know poetry corner
is always my first stop

After I read the date.

"October 14th."

pretty good.

Hey! Should we
all go on a road trip?

Vegas?

- Let's go!
- Not now, son.

And I'd thank you not
to throw keys at my head.

"red meat no gristle,

"late night guided missile.

By... Greta meatweep."

"when he helped me
up in the parking lot,

"suddenly things got very hot.

"in the darkness entwined,
on each other, we dined.

"I was disrobing,

He was... Beef tobin."

My god.

"bedclothes askew;
aroma, beef stew.

"night gives way to dawn,

And yet our lovemaking goes on."

Very cool!

I wanted a discreet
one-night stand,

Not to be the star
of a literary sex tape.

Dad, you got to celebrate
your accomplishments.

This poem is going
right up on the fridge.

I listened to my sky member,

And now I'm the town trollop.

Dad, relax.

I don't think anyone is
gonna care much about this.

When crispin and
I started dating

We thought we'd be
the talk of the town.

You know, being a new
couple in a small alaskan village,

But people moved
on pretty quickly.

Frankly, a little more quickly

Than my ego was
comfortable with.

And, beef, I didn't even know

There was a poetry corner
in the lone moose wind.

I bet no one's even read this.

You're probably right.

I mean, kids today,
with their video games

And their linkedins,
and their... Kites.

I'm sure nobody cares
about my sex-capades.

I'm just gonna go run
my errands and,

Not give it a second thought.

Dad? You okay?

You're sitting on
your brooding log.

I was in town, and it
seems like many other ladies

Wanted me to dip my...

Beef taquito in
their... Lady queso.

Which I know a lot
of guys would dig,

But being the
center of attention

Just isn't my style.

Dad, if you don't
like all the attention,

You should go talk to greta.

She should know
that you'd rather keep

Any further rhyming couplets
about your romp private.

All right, hamjam. When
did you become so wise?

About three years ago.

Pretty crazy that we've done

Three parties for this
family in one week.

Yeah, they always
give little jay-jay three parties.

He's gonna grow
up to be a monster.

Hey, what in the...

I think those damn
clowns pied your car.

Honk-honk, bitch.

How'd you get in here?

You just couldn't leave well
enough alone, could you?

Since you boys
can't take a hint,

Costume battle.

Woods. Tomorrow night. You. Us.

Couple other guys.
Derek's a maybe.

Appetizers, but not a
meal. You get the picture.

What the hell's
a costume battle?

It's how us local party
entertainers settle

This kind of score.

Winner gets to keep their
act. Loser loses theirs.

Boy, these clowns make
the one from it seem chill.

I hope no one was
watching them leave.

Be real disappointing to see

Only two clowns
get out of a car.

Hello, greta. I read your poem.

You did? I'm so glad.

I was so stirred
by our lovemaking

That I was finally
able to rhyme.

Would you like to come in?

I...

Yes, beef?

Yes...

so...

Based on this second,
very graphic poem,

I'm guessing you
didn't tell greta

That you didn't
love the first one?

Well, I tried, but... No.

Let me guess, you made
significant eye contact

And then just boned again.

- We did.
- Hoo...

"more beef broth
overfloweth my trough,

By greta meatweep."

It's a great title
for the sequel.

Wait. Let me
just... Brace myself.

Okay. Proceed.

"prime rib sandwich, open face.

Mid-day gravy, hot embrace."

no! No!

Nope, nope, nope!

Sorry, I tried to be cool,
but I am not this cool.

Good luck, dad.

And I am going to go
upstairs to my room

And then out the
window to a therapist!

And I shall go to my room.

For the foreseeable future,

I shall moor my
personal watercraft

In the safe harbor of
my own underpants.

Hey, judy, you want to
bring the table piece back?

I could get started fixing it.

This seems kind of bad.

And I think
you'll share my concern...

- Where are the frickin' appetizers?
- There's noodie the noodle.

Looks like he's been
hitting the sauce pretty hard.

- Didn't think you'd show up.
- Yeah, we showed up.

And you messed
up by messing with

My big bigfoot bro!

Go on, jerry. Get 'em!

Moon! No, no,
no, no. Don't say that.

- I-I'm not...
- All right.

Here's how this goes down.

First we strip down
to our underwear

So we don't stain our
costumes with blood.

Then we fist-fight.

Then winners burn
the losers' costumes.

But first, everybody
gets ten minutes

To do whatever drugs they want.

Moon, look.

I think I've been so focused
on being a fun brother

That I forgot about the
other big brother stuff,

Like protecting you.

I mean, taking you to
a clearing in the woods

With a bunch of psychopaths?

That's not ideal big
brother behavior.

I think it might be time
to retire our bigfoot team.

But maybe we could
just hang out sometimes.

Definitely.

Okay. When I say, "run," run.

- Run!
- Hey!

Get back here.

Where are you going?

I'll miss you...!

Okay...

Yeah, this is bad.

Very, very bad.

Morning, my sibs.

Your plates
are saying flapjacks,

But your faces are
saying, "crap."

"my eager vegan
by greta meatweep"?

"your long blonde rattail
glistening in the sun.

Your lips like silken tofu, your
patchouli-soaked man bun."

This poem is not about your dad.

"truffle hunting at
night, my garden delight.

I unearthed his carrot, and
with glee he did share it."

I know this poem's
not about dad,

But I still hate it.

Looks like greta
took a veggie dip.

Dad's gonna be devastated.

He's just gotten himself

Back on the market, and
now he's being recalled.

- Gee! Hi-hi, hi.
- Hi.

Hi, dad.

What, What's going on?

Th-th-the...

Whole yard is-is on fire,

So... You better... Go...

I see.

Excuse me.

- No, greta broke his heart.
- I'll go after him.

- Wolf, no.
- But he's... Sad.

Yes, wolf, probably.

But look, dad chose
to sleep with somebody.

Twice. And it got complicated.

But as someone who
has had to think about

This kind of
relationship and sex crap

From the time he
was... 12

And first saw a
knight rider rerun...

Hasselhoff. Vroom-vroom, baby.

Exactly. And that car
was no slouch, either.

Look, as a gay dude,
I always knew that

My love life might bring
me a bit of, Scrutiny.

But the other choice,
hiding away, kind of sucks.

And we got to let
dad process that.

Even if it means he lives in
the shed for a month or two,

Mumbling and
eating cold spaghetti.

Okay, then, batten
down the hatches.

It's about to get very
forlorn around here.

Come on, penis, show
yourself. We need to talk.

Maybe I have
to be at risk of death.

I guess I have to get in.

No! I'm in
danger. I could die.

Beef! My man! What is up?

I am really proud of you.

You're the conductor of
the bone town express.

Choo-choo!

No. I am not that.

Although I do like
trains. But I'm upset.

Is it because greta
took another lover?

The vegan?

How do you know that?

Beef, I'm a part of you.

I know everything you do.

I know you're about
to fart right now.

Well, you're wro...

see?

So, what's the big
deal about greta?

You jealous?

No. And that's what
I'm upset about.

I was always kind
of jealous of kathleen,

So why am I not devastated

That I'm not
greta's only boy toy?

Has having casual sex turned
me into some kind of a lothario?

Beef, if you want answers,

You need to talk to
the guy who sent me.

No offense to me,
but I am pretty dumb.

Someone sent you?

Your heart sent me.

- Hey, heart.
- Hey, fellas.

I was just thinking
about this cat I saw once

That only had three paws.

He rode around
on a little scooter.

- He was so brave.
- 'sup, dennis.

My heart's name is dennis?

- Your name is beef?
- Fair.

Beef, it's not just your
down-below dangler

That's been dead for years.

It's me, too.

What? I use you all the time.

I-I love the kids. And the boat.

And that cat with
the three paws.

I remember when we saw
jangles on that website.

Beef, I'm talking
about romantic love.

I haven't gotten to
feel that in years.

Okay, but then why'd
you send my wiener?

Come on, beef, we
all know the saying,

"the penis is the
gateway to the heart."

That's not a saying.

Sure it is. I have it
on a bumper sticker.

You have a car?

Sort of. Well, it's complicated.

Look, beef, the point
is, if you don't start

Getting your old rod and
reel back in the game,

Then I have no chance, either.

And we've got a lot of
good years ahead of us.

So you're saying that if I keep

- Doing the deed...
- Hell yeah!

You can handle that, dennis?

I mean, you were
really messed up

Back when you-know-who ran off.

Yeah. I was a disaster.

Remember how we used to
have to lie down in the shower

Every time an air
supply song came on?

We were both hanging
on by our fingertips.

But I'm better now.

I guess that's true.

These days, when
I hear air supply,

I just turn the radio off

And sometimes rub a cool
rag across my forehead.

We're just asking you not
to fish your whole life away

While your friends go
to gals guzzle free night.

Okay, I'll do what you guys
want and get out there again.

Yes! But, beef, it's
actually what you want.

'cause we're you, ding-dong.

Hey, since we're gonna be
getting back out there again,

Maybe we call that doll lady?

No. - absolutely not.

But I will keep
trying. I promise.

All right, well, we'll be
seeing you around, beef.

Bye, player.

Don't be afraid to reach out.

Wait, my penis. I
never got your name.

It's cindy...

Thanks for all the
support through the years,

Captain christy covington,

Beast of bass fishing
and three-time cover girl.

But I got this now.

You know what? A man
can change his mind.

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