All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation - S01E01 - Make My Pit a Park.eng

Hello. Hi.

My name is Leslie Knope, and I work for
the Parks and Recreation Department.

Can I ask you a few questions?

Would you say that you are,

"Enjoying yourself
and having fun,

"having a moderate
amount of fun

"and somewhat
enjoying yourself,

"or having no fun
and no enjoyment?"

I'm gonna put a lot of fun.

Ms. Knope,
there's a drunk stuck in the slide.

Sir, this is
a children's slide.

- You're not allowed to sleep in here.
- What is?

You know,
when I first tell people

that I work in the government,
they say,

"Oh. The government.
The government stinks.

"The lines are too long
at the DMV."

But now things have changed.

People need our help.

And it feels good to be needed.

Could you put
your arms to your side?

Wait...

And that might help you
slide down a little easier.

- We don't...
- Do you want to come this way?

- Uh-uh.
- Okay, we're gonna need you to get out.

Can you please go away?
Get out of the slide. Okay?

You're... Can you please go away?
Here we go!

Okay, wake up. Here we go.
Out of the slide.

You know, government
isn't just a boys' club anymore.

Women are everywhere. It's a great
time to be a woman in politics.

Hillary Clinton,
Sarah Palin, me, Nancy Pelosi.

We did it!

You know, I like to
tell people, you know,

"Get on board and buckle up,

"because my ride's
gonna be a big one."

And if you get motion sickness,
you know,

put your head
between your knees

'cause Leslie Knope's
stopping for no one.

Tonight is our next monthly

community outreach
public forum.

And that is tonight.

That is tonight.
Right.

Leslie will be running it...

...and we need one more

Who wants in?

Tom.

Fine.

This is a great thing
for you guys to see.

This is where the rubber of government

meets the road
of actual human beings.

When I go through these doors,
I need to be on.

Like the White House Press Secretary.
Are you ready?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Here we go.

It's locked.

Okay.
Here we go.

Thank you so much for coming.
What an amazing turnout.

My name is Leslie Knope.

I am the deputy director of the
Parks and Recreation Department,

and tonight we're gonna be taking
some of your questions as... Hello?

We're having a meeting in here.

Does anybody have any
questions about permits?

So, take two.

I'm Leslie Knope, and with me is
department member Tom Haverford.

We are here to answer any and all
of your questions, so fire away.

Well, it's a great day,
because last month they put me in jail.

That's right. The head of the
police is a ninth-degree Mason.

But the music is so loud.

Stop the graffiti,
please. Please.

I don't like obscenities
just as much as you don't like them.

No, it drives me
crazy. I have kids.

Right. But...

I've got my little
three-year-old,

I'm going through the
park and someone's like,

"Hey my"

And the guy's, "You my,
you head."

These people are
members of a community

that care about
where they live,

so what I hear when I'm being yelled at

is people caring loudly at me.

Now, I have a few things I
want to say about Laura Linney.

Thank you so much, Barry.
Always great to have you here.

Anyone else who would
like to contribute?

Hi. Hi, hi.

Hi. I'm Ann Perkins.

I'm a nurse, and frankly,
I don't really care for politics,

but I'm here to talk about the
abandoned lot on Sullivan Street.

Excellent. That sounds like a good idea.
Tell us about that.

No, it's a problem.
It almost killed my boyfriend.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

There's a lot nearby my house,

and a developer dug out a
basement for some condos,

and then they went bankrupt,

so there's just this giant pit,

and it's been there
for almost a year.

Twelve months,
yes. Go on.

Yeah, and my boyfriend, who is a
musician, actually, I support him,

but anyway, he fell in
and broke both his legs.

Ann, let me speak
with you for a minute.

So, your boyfriend fell
down into this pit, right?

Yes.

And, this guy, is it pretty serious?
Are you guys living together?

- Yes.
- Wow,

I'm sure this must be
really tough for you.

You know, just, this guy, sounds like
he didn't have a lot going on for him

to start with, and now
both legs broken.

He's just weak.
You have to take care of him.

You probably feel like
you need to move on.

What does this...
Just become more adventurous

in relationships
with your body, just in...

Are you actually
hitting on me right now?

Oh. Oh. God, no. I'm not hitting on you.
I'm actually married.

I'm just an open person,
and I like connecting with people.

I'm, you know, very comfortable
around women, attractive women.

I've spent a lot of time with them.
And I just... I don't know.

I feel like we might be taking
up too much of the forum's time.

Maybe we can just
exchange numbers.

You know, maybe go away one weekend
and just kind of talk about this.

- Look...
- I'd love to do it.

The bottom line is I've been trying
to get this thing fixed for months,

and nobody's done anything,
and it's ugly, and it's dangerous,

and it's
government-owned,

and you need to do
something about it.

Okay.

- I'll do something about it.
- Really?

Yes, we...
I will help you.

Is that a promise?

It's more than a promise.
It's a pinky promise.

I pinky promise all of
you that I will help,

and I will go to
that location tomorrow,

and we will fill in that pit,

and then when that's done,
we're gonna put a park on the land.

Okay.

Well, I've worked at the
Parks Department for six years,

and I've handled a lot of
things that I'm proud of.

Recently, I led
a city-wide drive

to disinfect the sandbox sand

after we had those
problems with the cats.

But this pit,

the chance to build a whole
new park from scratch,

this could be my Hoover Dam.

No, that sounds great.

Problem is,
anything over $25 I have to report,

so maybe give my wife a call
and give her the suits,

and then if they don't fit her,
maybe she'll give them to me.

Morning.

All right,
Mr. Mayor. That sounds good.

I'll see you on Saturday for
the Ultimate Frisbee game.

Bye.

Leslie, hello.

You were talking to the mayor?

Yep, we were just rapping
about some things.

Tom and I work really well together.
We're both outsiders.

I'm a woman, he's a...
I think he's a Libyan.

I am from Bennettsville,
South Carolina.

I am what you might call
a redneck.

Okay, brainstorm.
How do we make this park happen?

Let's go to
the city council directly

and ask them
to put up the money.

No, parks are not a priority.

I need more firepower.
I need bigger guns.

You know what I need to do?
Form a committee. Right?

Yeah, that could work.
Yeah, 'cause committees are power,

and committees
make things happen.

Committees are the lifeblood
of our democratic system.

That's really good.
Write that down.

Yep.

From time to time, when I think
of an eloquent saying or a phrase,

I have Tom write it down.

He's collecting them
for my memoirs.

Here's Leslie's quote
from Wednesday.

Okay, read it back to me.

Um...

"Committees cover our
democracy with blood."

Hmm.

Sounded better when I said it.

It's still good, though.

Okay, I have an idea.
What about bringing Mark on board?

- Which Mark?
- Which Mark?

Mark Brendanawicz.
Which Mark?

Well, if you want something
done in this town,

you call Mark Brendanawicz

because, you know, he's a city planner,
but he's more than that.

He's kind of like a fixer.
He fixes things.

He's a smart, capable guy.

He just... He knows where
the bodies are buried.

What's up, Brendanawicz?
You crazy old Polish person.

City Hall is like a locker room,
and you gotta get in there,

and you gotta snap
towels at people,

and you gotta give them the business,
and if you can't take it,

you know, you...
Then you can't take it.

You gotta leave
the locker room.

Let's get down to brass tacks.

I know you don't
have a lot of time

and I want to thank you
for meeting me today.

I just work right there.

Well, thank you for
clearing your schedule.

I didn't clear anything.

You know this lot that
I'm talking about, right?

Yeah, Lot 48.

Condo developer. He dug a basement,
and then he went bankrupt.

I checked it out like a month ago.
It's pretty gross.

What would you say
if I told you

that I was thinking about
turning it into a park?

A park, huh? Okay.

Well, when I think
about the logistics,

the various hoops that you're
gonna have to jump through,

I would say, is it likely?
No, it's not likely, you know.

But, is it possible?

No. It's not possible.

I would give up on that one.

What? Why?

Why? I don't know.
There's like a million reasons why.

Homeowners' associations,
anti-government nuts,

bureaucrats,
miles of red tape...

Really? It sounds like you're
telling me to go for it.

There's no way it can happen.

I can do this.
I just need a little help.

Could you do me a favor,
for old times' sake?

Mark and I...
It's complicated.

When you work closely with someone
and you share similar interests

and you have
a similar world view

and you're passionate about the
same things, things can happen.

We slept together.

Leslie? No.

Oh, my God.
You know what?

Yeah, we did, like,
five years ago. I sort of...

No, but yeah.
Yeah, we did.

Honey, can you straighten
up your area a little bit?

'Cause they're
gonna be here soon.

Can... Thanks.

That parks lady is coming over,

and we're gonna go
take a look at the pit.

I think it's probably
just a photo op for her.

I mean, I don't think anybody in
government actually cares about...

Honey, do you mind doing
that somewhere else?

I'm trying to watch TV.

I'm talking about
the pit you fell in.

It's Ms. Perkins' house.

Doorbell!

Yeah, I heard it.

Doorbell!

I heard it.
I'm getting it.

- I'm here.
- Hey! Wow!

- Look at that.
- Safety.

You remember Tom
from last night.

- Hey, Ann, how are you?
- Yeah, hey. Of course I do.

And this is our college intern, April.

She's going to be documenting
our fact-finding mission.

- Hey, April.
- Hey.

Is this fun for you?

Yeah, it's so much fun.

I'm just gonna grab my phone quickly.
Sorry.

This must be our hero.

The man heard 'round the world.

Uh-huh.

How you doing, son?

Pretty good.

I'm Leslie Knope.

And the entire government of
Pawnee would like to let you know

that we will do everything
we can to help you.

Could you pass me
my itch stick?

Of course.

So, Andy jumped
over this fence.

He was crossing through to get home,
and then he fell right there.

Oh, my God.
How did we let this happen?

Dream with me
for a second, Ann.

Doesn't this neighborhood
deserve a first-class park?

Imagine a shiny new playground
with a jungle gym and swings,

pool, tennis courts,
volleyball courts, racquetball courts,

basketball court,
regulation football field.

We could put an amphitheatre over
there with Shakespeare in the Park.

It's really not
that big of a pit.

We could do
some of those things.

It's gonna take a little extra work.
But why not try?

I think that would be great.

Me, too.

I'm going in.

- Why?
- Don't worry. I have a hard hat on.

- I can see that, but...
- Yeah.

- April, document this.
- Document what?

The key to any
fact-finding mission

is to get right into
the battle zone, you know?

It's like George Bush
when he flew over New Orleans

or Richard Nixon
when he went to China

to see what the Chinese
were up to. No!

Leslie, are you okay?

Leslie! Hold on, April's gonna
get some photos for the website.

Could you just be still?

Don't move around as much.

Okay, squeeze
my fingers. Good.

- Does it hurt a lot?
- No.

Mmm-mmm.
I'm fine.

No, you're not.

Good thing I was
wearing that hard hat.

But it...
It fell off.

After my head hit that rod.

Wow.

I can't believe you fell in, too.
That's awesome.

It's not awesome, Andy.

Well, at least my boss will listen
to me now that I broke my clavicle.

- It's not broken.
- It is.

Do you have one of those neck
foam collar brace things?

Honestly, you're fine.

Honestly, my clavicle's broken.

Oh, hey, baby,
if you're going to the kitchen,

could you make me
pancakes real quick?

Sure.

Ooh! Are pancakes
being made?

- Thank you.
- Sure.

I don't know, she's a little doofy,
but she's sweet.

Ron, please.

No. No way.

Come on, Ron.
I've been a loyal foot soldier.

Give me my shot.
Let me have Lot 48.

Is that a travel pillow
around your neck?

Ron, I don't know
how to explain this to you.

When you've been down in the pit...
Have you been in the pit?

No, I haven't gotten
down there yet.

Well, I have.

When you fell in.

When I visited the bottom of the
pit on a fact-finding mission.

And when you're down there, you get some
perspective about what it all means.

And let me
tell you something, Ron.

What it means is
I want this subcommittee.

I've been quite open about
this around the office.

I don't want this Parks
Department to build any parks

because I don't
believe in government.

I think that all government
is a waste of taxpayer money.

My dream is to have the
park system privatized

and run entirely for profit
by corporations.

Like Chuck E. Cheese.

They have an impeccable
business model.

I would rather work
for Chuck E. Cheese.

Well, I will definitely
think about it.

I like the sound
of that definitely.

I'm gonna leave before
you change your mind.

Mr. Swanson, I presume.
Lot 48. Thoughts? Yes? No? Me?

Park? Giving
the park to me?

Still mulling.

She's insatiable.

She's like a little dog
with a chew toy.

All right, you guys. All right,
all right. I'll ask him.

Everybody wants to know
what your decision is.

Someone on the phone
about the park.

You know,
I don't think I even want it.

Oh. Man, my clavicle's
still really hurting me.

Oh! This is
a great shot.

I know.
That's awesome.

I think she's crying in that one.
Look at this one.

- Hey, kids.
- That's another good one.

- Hey.
- Hey, Brendanawicz.

You gotta come check this out.

Leslie took us out
to that pit in Lot 48,

and she fell inside.

- And we have some awesome photos.
- One.

- Is she okay?
- Yeah, she's fine.

Oh! This is a classic.

That's the best one.

- The up-skirt photo.
- Awesome.

Hey, man. Give me the photo back.
What's going on?

Don't worry.
I can print more.

Leslie is unique.

Government work
can beat you down.

I would say that I lost my optimism
about government in about two months.

Leslie's kept hers
for six years.

I've got a few rules about how to
survive and prosper in a government job,

and I think I'm about to
break one of those rules.

I want you to give
Lot 48 to Leslie

so she can try to build a park.

Why should I?

You owe me one, remember?

Do you want to
cash in for this?

Yeah, I do.

So this was built in 1935.
It's called Pioneer Hall.

And a little trivia,

it is one of the first structures
in America to ever have locks.

Wow!

Oh, yeah.
This is our crown jewel.

It's one of our best murals.

It depicts the very famous
battle at Conega Creek.

We have a lot of
children visit,

so often we have to cover up the
more gruesome parts with a poster.

That is horrifying.

Yes, it is.

So, what do you want to see?
The DMV? Animal control?

- Or we could...
- Leslie!

We did it.
Ron's approved our committee.

Oh, my God.
That's great!

- That's so great.
- That's so exciting!

This is huge.

I'm barely 34,

and I've already landed a Parks
Department exploratory subcommittee.

I'm a rocket ship.

- Leslie. I just heard the news.
- Hey.

- Isn't it great?
- Congratulations.

Thank you. I'm so excited.
It's exciting, isn't it?

- It is.
- Yeah.

Should I call a press
conference now, or...

- Yeah, call one. Definitely.
- I would.

Every now and then we have
these little gatherings,

and Leslie gets plastered.

One time I convinced her to try
to fax someone a Fruit Roll-Up.

She one time made out with the
water-delivery guy in her office.

On Halloween,
she was dressed up as Batman.

Not Batgirl. Batman.

And I convinced her to go stop a
crime that was going on outside.

And it is my favorite thing
in the world.

You know what?
America is awesome.

It's so full of hope
and small towns

and big cities and real people

and delicious beverages
and hot guys.

You just never know when
opportunity is gonna strike.

- Yeah.
- You gotta be ready for it.

- Yeah.
- Are you excited?

Definitely am.
Fired up.

- Yeah!
- I'm really fired up.

I... You know they say
that democracy or whatever

only works when people get involved?
Well, I'm getting involved.

So I am gonna make a vow now

that I will do whatever it
takes to get this pit filled in.

Even if it takes two months.

Soul sista, soul sista
Gonna get your phone, sista

Yeah.
Sweet Lady Marmalard

I've created this office...

as a symbol
of how I feel about government.

This sawed-off shotgun
belonged to a local bootlegger.

People who come in here
to ask me for things

have to stare
right down the barrel.

Did you guys get
a grant to do this?

This is my basketball court.

I don't want to see
any double dribble.

I don't want to see
any three-second violations.

Bobby Knight!