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1
00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:07,375
One, two, three, four.
2
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:10,178
Growing up, I was
horrible at taking tests.
3
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,613
If it was pass-fail,
I failed to pass.
4
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:15,049
But there was one
test I couldn't fail--
5
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:16,817
the career test.
6
00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:17,918
CEO.
7
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:18,919
Tap dancer.
8
00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:24,024
Virgin corpse in urban pond.
9
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,526
How does this test
know I'm a virgin?
10
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,828
It's not like these
results are binding.
11
00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:30,098
Dispensable army private.
12
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:32,866
Future Private Greg Wuliger,
13
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,702
I'm going to whip
your pasty ass.
14
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,736
Come with me.
15
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,405
I am so in there.
16
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,408
Entrepreneur.
17
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:41,775
All right.
18
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,511
He was already making
a fortune renting
19
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,913
out tapes of everything
from pay-per-view
20
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,781
fights to adult videos.
21
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,151
If the test was
right about Caruso,
22
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,153
was it right about me, too?
23
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,888
You got any
Nancy Reagan movies,
24
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,457
if you know what I mean?
25
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:57,591
Huh?
26
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:05,866
My mom had spent months
trying to get laid off
27
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,269
for severance,
but nothing was working
28
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,704
to help her stop working.
29
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:18,011
Oh, these white
people and their cakes.
30
00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:19,980
I got to shred something.
31
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:22,750
Ah, that's better.
32
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:28,189
Is this what
everybody's paid?
33
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:29,890
Why is everybody
making more than me?
34
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:34,362
30 cents less for being a
woman and $2 for being Black.
35
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:37,598
I wanted to prove my
career test wrong,
36
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,168
so I was looking
for any help I could get.
37
00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:42,170
Hi, I'm Jody Devry.
38
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,305
Are you tired of feeling lost?
39
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:45,706
both: Yes.
40
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,775
Are you tired
of feeling confused?
41
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,210
Yes.
42
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:51,044
All it takes to find
your purpose in life
43
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:53,681
is a mere $19.95.
44
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:54,715
Dad--
45
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:55,949
both: I need $19.95.
46
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,418
No.
47
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:58,752
$19.95 wouldn't fix
your life anyway, Chris.
48
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,688
I'd pay $19.95
for you to shut up.
49
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:02,490
People love listening to me.
50
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:05,193
That's why they cast me as
the understudy for Dorothy
51
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:09,230
in Lamont Sanford Junior High's
production of "The Wiz."
52
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,499
My sister, an understudy.
53
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:16,470
Daddy,
you got a VCR for a VIP?
54
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,938
You shouldn't have.
55
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,540
Sorry, baby.
56
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,074
No, this is a gift for your
grandfather's birthday.
57
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:25,012
Aw.
58
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:26,214
Hey, Uncle Louis.
59
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:27,881
You're back in town again.
60
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,350
So soon.
61
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,819
Well, duty called,
and I said hello duty.
62
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,687
And duty said,
would you like to pick up
63
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,323
a second job as a
third-string chiropractor
64
00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:36,490
for the New York Giants?
65
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,292
And I said yes.
66
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,627
Two jobs.
67
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,028
Copycat.
68
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,731
Well, my two jobs pay well,
so it's different.
69
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,399
Ooh, is that a present
for our daddy?
70
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,934
I hate to be the
bearer of bad news,
71
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:50,804
but I got him an entertainment
system with a VCR.
72
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:53,407
Well, he could still use
yours as a doorstop, though.
73
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:57,245
Oh, no, this isn't for Daddy.
74
00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,513
This is for my kids.
75
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,250
But you said that
we didn't have enough--
76
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,117
Let this play out.
77
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,254
Dad.
78
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:07,888
Oh, they're so great.
79
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:09,857
Aw.
80
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,593
Can't return that now.
81
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:16,430
Oh! I'm going to tape
every single musical on PBS.
82
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,598
No musicals.
83
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:18,966
They're so unrealistic.
84
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,901
People never break
into song like that.
85
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,704
Characters break into song
because their emotions run so
86
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,406
high that words aren't enough.
87
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:31,379
♪ Like when your
brother is so annoying ♪
88
00:03:31,379 --> 00:03:32,980
What did you get Daddy, then?
89
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,416
Oh, I got him
something so amazing.
90
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:39,186
♪ Wait till you see it ♪
91
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,728
Thanks for getting
the tape for me.
92
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,297
Caruso would have
just flicked my nuts
93
00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:50,831
while calling me the N-word.
94
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,300
He actually asked me
to do that on his behalf,
95
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,667
but I'm not gonna.
96
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,068
I appreciate it.
97
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,705
Wait, this isn't
a Jody Devry video.
98
00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,973
What's "Urethral Weapon"?
99
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:02,510
Yeah, Caruso doesn't have a
self-help tape in his locker,
100
00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:03,577
so I rented a porno.
101
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,112
What?
102
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:08,549
Look, I know I keep saying
I'm so in there, but I--
103
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,651
I don't know how
to get in there.
104
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,320
And I got to know
before I ship out
105
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,087
and international babes
are throwing themselves
106
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,723
at me at every port.
107
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,625
You should have asked me
before spending my money.
108
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:18,792
I did you a favor.
109
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,093
You got to prove
your career test wrong
110
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,330
by learning how to bone.
111
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,097
I guess you're right.
112
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,800
What's the point of even having
a future if I'm a virgin?
113
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,469
Did you flick his nuts?
114
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:29,603
Of course.
115
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,505
I very much did that.
116
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:36,444
If the tape's not returned
rewound in mint condition
117
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:40,448
in exactly 12 hours,
I'll make you a virgin corpse
118
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,616
in an urban pond.
119
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,886
You must pay, or no subway.
120
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:48,255
Please give us all more money.
121
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:49,723
What's all this?
122
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:52,726
For too long,
the MTA has disrespected us.
123
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,195
- Augh.
- Sorry, we're on strike.
124
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:56,530
What do we want?
125
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:57,831
Better pay.
- When do we want it?
126
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:58,799
Now!
127
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,169
I'm coming for
my equal pay, Tim.
128
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,471
Who's Tim?
129
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,373
OK, one more time,
and I'm going to shove
130
00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:08,241
that thing in you sideways.
131
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:13,046
This is the best
day of my life.
132
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,383
Shh,
my sister might hear you.
133
00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:18,752
I'm going to jump off
this building to see
134
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,988
how my boobs flap in the wind.
135
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,056
Give me the remote.
136
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,658
Oh, god.
137
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:27,194
Oprah's having El DeBarge's
understudy, Prince, on today.
138
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:28,596
I want to record it
so I can pick up
139
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:29,997
some understudying tips.
140
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,632
No, you can't tape over this.
141
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,033
Why not?
142
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,768
Either Caruso
was going to kill me,
143
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:38,439
or Tonya was going to tell our
parents, and they'd kill me.
144
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,409
Fine.
145
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:46,079
Thank you.
146
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,648
You taped over the movie?
147
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,450
Caruso is going to kill us.
148
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,018
No, he's not.
149
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,820
We're going to find him a
replacement for that tape.
150
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,588
I refuse to end up
a virgin corpse.
151
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:55,956
You won't.
152
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,891
I promise that if
Caruso kills you,
153
00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:01,261
I'll hire someone to
have sex with your body.
154
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:02,530
I got furs.
155
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,331
Can't even tell
they're made of possum.
156
00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:07,801
Hey, do you have
anything risqué?
157
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,136
Oh, my cousin, Risqué?
158
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:10,871
He works in Little France.
159
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,606
I got brie fromage.
160
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:16,710
Can't even tell it's made
from the milk of the possum.
161
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,179
No, something risqué.
162
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:22,082
Visual medium in the
adult consumer arena.
163
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,184
Bitch, are you trying to
set me up with this cop?
164
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:25,352
I'm not a cop.
165
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:27,087
Mm-hmm, that's what
a cop would say.
166
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,156
Th-- this is my friend,
Greg, and we're looking
167
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:33,193
for erotic depictions of
other reproductive functions.
168
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,895
- Are you a cop?
- Porn, man.
169
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,363
We're looking for porn.
170
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,799
Oh, why didn't you
say so, youngblood?
171
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,568
I got "Black Girl
Sitting on the Toilet
172
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:44,505
Volume 2," "Black Girl Sitting
on the Toilet Volume 3."
173
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,874
We're looking for
"Urethral Weapon."
174
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,509
And we want a
military discount.
175
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,578
"Urethral Weapon"?
176
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:54,815
Well, I don't watch Caucasian
adult cinema, but if I did,
177
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,383
I might head over
to Times Square,
178
00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:58,886
and I might find
the video store on 46th,
179
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,888
and I might go behind
the curtain and check
180
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:02,222
out the shelf on the right.
181
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:04,758
But naked white
people are not for me.
182
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,094
You know the
ancestors be judging.
183
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:10,397
If I don't get this
tape, I'll be an ancestor.
184
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:11,932
Thanks, Risky.
185
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,935
See, we'll get the movie and
my family won't find out I--
186
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:15,969
hide.
187
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,539
Hide.
Hide.
188
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:21,074
Hey, Risky, I need a
birthday present for my father.
189
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,710
Don't worry, I got you.
190
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:23,977
Pack of Virginia Slims.
191
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,546
Bottle of Brown Royale?
192
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,180
Pair of Air Gordons?
193
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,916
No, no, no,
it's got to be better
194
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:33,921
than a brand-new entertainment
center and cost less than $8.
195
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:36,156
But you've got more
than $8 in there.
196
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:38,826
No, that's the gas money
to go to South Carolina
197
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:40,393
for my dad's birthday.
198
00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:41,995
Better than a brand-new
entertainment center,
199
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:45,165
but less than $8.
200
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,100
Ah, I think I've
got just the thing.
201
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,135
Is it crack?
202
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,436
It's crack, yeah.
203
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,540
Yo, Risky,
let me put 20 on the Giants
204
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:55,008
missing an extra point
in the first quarter tonight.
205
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,209
You can bet on that?
206
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,611
Oh, you can bet on anything.
207
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,613
I got a good feeling.
208
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:02,015
My father had
more than a feeling.
209
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,585
He knew someone
with inside info.
210
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:07,054
Unfortunately,
it was his brother.
211
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,790
To confirm,
that was a no on crack?
212
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,562
Everybody, listen up.
213
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,630
We need to unionize.
214
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,572
You can't tell me
you enjoy working here.
215
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:25,639
I do.
216
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,374
We get cake all the time.
217
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:31,111
I know for a fact that cake
riles up your IBS, Martha.
218
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,780
No, it doesn't.
219
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,948
I mean, isn't it some B.S.
that you got to clock out
220
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:38,118
for your extra-long bathroom
breaks when they the ones
221
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,219
making you eat cake?
222
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:40,654
It is B.S.
223
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:43,791
What do you want, Paul,
besides better dental?
224
00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:44,858
What do you mean?
225
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,595
Our dental is fantastic.
226
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:51,431
What I want is to never
wear shoes at work again.
227
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:52,966
Yes.
228
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,902
Good.
229
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,203
Come on, people.
230
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,771
Think outside the cubicle.
231
00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,373
What do you really
want from this job?
232
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,243
I want to make more
than $25 an hour.
233
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:07,915
Yes, you do deserve
to make twice what I do.
234
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:11,885
We all deserve more than
this company gives us.
235
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,286
So are you ready to strike?
236
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,254
Yes!
237
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,522
Eh, sure.
238
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,858
Ooh,
I'll go buy a strike cake.
239
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:20,060
No, Martha, your IBS.
240
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:23,296
Damn my gut health.
241
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,633
Julius,
what are you doing here?
242
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,100
I can't let my
little bro come to town
243
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,168
and not hang with him.
244
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,236
Well, you do it
every other time.
245
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,071
Well, not this time.
246
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,940
Is this your room
or the damn lobby?
247
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,175
I guess they give you free
upgrades when you're a doctor.
248
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:36,509
And what do they
give chiropractors?
249
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:39,412
No, I'm just playing.
250
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,014
Good for you, man.
251
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,050
Tell me about the Giants gig.
252
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,686
And be very specific.
253
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,721
Having two jobs
is exhausting.
254
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:50,423
Tell me about it.
255
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,526
Now, really, tell me about it.
256
00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:54,795
I don't know how you do it.
257
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,230
Do you have any
tricks or anything?
258
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,565
Take a nap
at every red light.
259
00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,267
People will honk
when it's time to go.
260
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,835
Free alarm clock.
261
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:04,471
I wish I could nap,
but there's no red lights
262
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:05,538
on Jim Burt's back.
263
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:08,676
Oh, Jim Burt's injured, huh?
264
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:11,411
Yeah, he threw out
his C7 at practice.
265
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,847
Oh, sorry, C7 is the
seventh vertebrae
266
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,215
in the cervical spine.
267
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,084
Guess he's not
starting tonight, then.
268
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,786
Well,
he will if I can fix him.
269
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:20,754
Honestly, I didn't
expect to work on a star.
270
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,690
But the first and
second-string chiros
271
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:25,025
got injured in a bar fight
with an acupuncturist,
272
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,694
so it's all on me.
273
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,428
You think I can do it, Julius?
274
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:29,797
Louis, look at me.
275
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,164
You got this, OK?
276
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,866
You're going to fix him.
277
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:36,003
My dad wanted to bet on
his brother fixing that back,
278
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,972
but he also knew for
damn sure that Louis
279
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,875
wasn't a real doctor.
280
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,310
Tape's due in four hours.
281
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,411
We got to get a cab.
282
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,379
How much you got?
283
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:49,917
$5.63,
my inhaler, and a photo
284
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,685
of my mom with her
prison girlfriend.
285
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:55,322
Let's see how many
blocks all that gets us.
286
00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,892
Oh, man, We'll never get a cab.
287
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,227
Got one.
288
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,830
I'll take you,
but not your friend.
289
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,464
Um...
290
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,266
- Greg.
- I shouldn't leave him.
291
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,601
- Greg.
- Fine.
292
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:11,071
There's no way we're getting
that tape to Caruso on time.
293
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,506
We should call it.
Want to get some pizza?
294
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,976
Greg was white, so he could
give up whenever he wanted,
295
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:17,610
but I couldn't.
296
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,913
No, we're in New York City.
297
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,281
Anything's possible here.
298
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:24,017
We just need a miracle.
299
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,754
And here it is.
300
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:32,425
Hold on tight, Greg.
301
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,862
There's no stopping us now.
302
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,168
I mean now.
303
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:46,006
I mean now.
304
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,177
I mean now.
305
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:54,247
all: If you want us to work,
stop being such a jerk.
306
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:56,349
Thank y'all so
much for helping.
307
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:57,650
Where'd you get
all these people?
308
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,787
Oh, I didn't get them.
309
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:01,054
They just follow me everywhere.
310
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,089
We do.
311
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,423
It's an honor.
312
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,492
Yep, time to
bullhorn at the man.
313
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:10,163
You cowards up there in your
ivory tower, you can't deny us.
314
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,298
What do we want?
315
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:12,432
- $50 an hour.
- No shoes.
316
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,634
- Drew!
- Paid bathroom breaks.
317
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:15,803
- When do we want it?
- Now!
318
00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:16,904
- Always.
- Tonight.
319
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,438
Whenever.
320
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,207
And if my mama ever can't
make the picket, I'll be her
321
00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:23,676
♪ Understudy
and take her place ♪
322
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,112
- Huh?
- Excuse me?
323
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,479
Understudy?
324
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:28,181
All right, Rochelle,
that's enough.
325
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:29,216
Come upstairs.
326
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:30,818
We're willing to talk.
327
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,486
Ha, we've got 'em
right where we want 'em.
328
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:40,360
Wait, I just-- come on.
329
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,329
The Giants' lineup
is looking strong tonight.
330
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:45,132
Thanks to the heroic efforts of
the third-string chiropractor,
331
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,434
Jim Burt will be starting
at defensive tackle.
332
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:48,435
Damn it.
333
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,502
Crap, crap, crap.
334
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,674
Hey, Risky.
335
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,709
Is there any way I can owe you?
336
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,912
I need that money to go
to my daddy's birthday.
337
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:02,749
Then you shouldn't have bet
that Jim Burt wouldn't start.
338
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,852
You bet Jim Burt
wouldn't start?
339
00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:05,853
Go, go, go, go, go.
340
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:06,954
Move, move, move, move.
341
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,922
Hey, what are you doing here?
342
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:12,292
I had a success at work
and thought my brother would
343
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,760
want to celebrate with me.
344
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,863
I didn't expect him to
stab me in the back.
345
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,865
The back of a
chiropractor, no less.
346
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,399
Oh, it's not what you think.
347
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,700
You bet against me.
348
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:23,736
You bet that I
couldn't do my job.
349
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,605
OK, it is what you think.
350
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,074
But I only did it
because I wanted
351
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:29,042
to get Elder Leroy
a birthday present
352
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,343
that could compete with yours.
353
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:31,711
Good luck.
354
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:33,780
The entertainment
system is amazing.
355
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,215
Yeah, I know.
356
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:37,885
It's just everything
comes so easy to you.
357
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:40,453
And I have to work
so hard for everything.
358
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,889
But it's no excuse.
359
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:43,723
I'm sorry I bet against you.
360
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:46,159
I'm sorry, too,
that you're such
361
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,296
a loser you can't even afford
to go to Daddy's birthday.
362
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:53,800
I'll call you and tell you all
about it from my car phone.
363
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,668
Oh, and keep the wine.
364
00:13:55,668 --> 00:14:00,908
Wine is like grape juice
but for rich people.
365
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,914
Times Square
was different in the '80s.
366
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:09,716
Back then, the M&M
store was the S&M store,
367
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:15,255
and the Hard Rock Cafe was--
well, I can't say that here.
368
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,290
Look, there it is.
369
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,026
We only have one
hour to get the movie
370
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:21,461
and bring you back to Caruso.
371
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:25,365
Look at this.
372
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,733
We'll never get
the tape in time.
373
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:28,401
Are you ready to call it now?
374
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:32,839
No, I'm not going to be a
virgin corpse in an urban pond.
375
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:36,109
We are getting that tape.
376
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:40,347
I-- I've never felt so strongly
about anything in my life.
377
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:41,481
How do I express these
378
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:44,985
♪ Emotions? ♪
379
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,519
Damn it, Tonya was right.
380
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,756
* Not me ♪
381
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:53,560
♪ Not my dead body ♪
382
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,463
♪ Won't be my body ♪
383
00:14:56,463 --> 00:15:00,767
♪ No, it won't be me
that they find ♪
384
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,302
♪ In a lake or in a wetland ♪
385
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,137
♪ In a place where
fish do sexin' ♪
386
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,206
♪ When an angel sees
my soul emerging ♪
387
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,008
♪ But this body
won't be virgin ♪
388
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,243
♪ Not me ♪
389
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,513
♪ Not my dead body ♪
390
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,048
♪ Let's turn it on ♪
391
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:17,184
♪ Because I'm going to be
a pest guy or this guy ♪
392
00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:20,220
♪ At best I'll be selling
VCRs or moldy beef ♪
393
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:21,388
* Where's my meat ♪
394
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:22,522
* A paparazzi with a flash ♪
395
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:23,556
* Flash ♪
396
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:24,691
* A DJ with a 'stache ♪
397
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,459
* 'Stache ♪
398
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:27,660
* Or managing a strip club
where I also have a 'stache ♪
399
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:28,695
* Double 'stache ♪
400
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:29,997
* Not me ♪
401
00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:31,098
* Woof ♪
402
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,733
* Not my dead body ♪
403
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,002
♪ Gonna work at Red lobster ♪
404
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,569
♪ Won't be my body ♪
405
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,005
♪ He-he-he-he ♪
406
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:41,874
♪ No, it won't be
me that they find ♪
407
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,610
♪ Won't be drowning in a 40 ♪
408
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,013
♪ Or floating towards
the lordy When it comes ♪
409
00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:47,447
♪ My time to draw the curtain ♪
410
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,082
♪ Won't be near no
pond that's urban ♪
411
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,718
♪ Not me ♪
412
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:55,122
♪ Not my dead body ♪
413
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:58,091
There's the curtain.
414
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,696
Greg, look.
415
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:06,933
The tape's exactly where
Risky said it'd be.
416
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,468
Hey, Chris?
417
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,502
We did it.
418
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,504
We actually did it.
419
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:12,539
Screw that test.
420
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:13,506
I'm not going to die.
421
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,043
I'm going to have sex one day.
422
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:18,045
I'm in charge
of my own destiny.
423
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,912
Chris, I think I was robbed.
424
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:20,880
What?
425
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,215
Oh, god.
426
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:23,816
How did we get robbed
in Times Square?
427
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:42,069
This is the worst
day of my life.
428
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,636
At least you're
going to have a life.
429
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:46,573
The tape's due
back in 47 minutes.
430
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:47,707
And we have nothing.
431
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,842
Risky, you got to help us.
432
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,878
No, it is moi, Risqué.
433
00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:57,350
Everyone knows Risky
doesn't watch ze white porn.
434
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,523
OK, Rochelle, let's talk.
435
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,358
The only way we're
lowering our signs
436
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,893
is if you raise our salaries.
437
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:07,927
Rochelle--
438
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,662
Don't you Rochelle me.
439
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:12,632
You shut us out and shut
us up for long enough.
440
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:13,966
It's time for us--
441
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,802
Rochelle, we've heard
you loud and clear,
442
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:19,806
and we're prepared to offer you
a generous severance package.
443
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,641
You what now?
444
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,343
Well, how'd it go?
445
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,678
I went in there, and you
know what those pricks did?
446
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,880
They offered me
severance to walk away.
447
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,318
Two months of pay and
health care for my family.
448
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:32,852
And what do you think I said?
449
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:33,920
all: No!
450
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,188
That's right.
451
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,889
And then they offered
me three months.
452
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,791
And what do you think I said?
453
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:39,859
all: No!
454
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,261
I said no.
455
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:44,197
And then they offered
me six months.
456
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,865
And do you know what I said?
457
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:47,467
all: No!
458
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,736
Oh, I said yes, because
that's a really good deal.
459
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,871
I got three kids and
an overworked husband.
460
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,974
But y'all got to keep on
fighting the good fight.
461
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:56,209
You go, girl.
462
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,210
Oh, excuse me.
463
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,511
Can I say that?
464
00:17:58,511 --> 00:17:59,646
We don't have
a leader anymore.
465
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,148
What do we do?
466
00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:02,882
They need the understudy.
467
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:04,551
Damn right they do.
468
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:07,220
All right,
listen up, you lazy slobs.
469
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,288
Pretty people in the front.
470
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,989
Uggos in the back.
471
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,224
Let's go.
472
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,694
Well,
see you on the other side.
473
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:15,962
Hoo-ha.
474
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:18,298
Cutting it a little
close, aren't you?
475
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:19,699
Give me the tape.
476
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:22,835
Well, we actually,
uh, don't have it.
477
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:23,836
You what?
478
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,472
Uh--
479
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:29,008
But we brought you
something better.
480
00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:30,543
We did?
481
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,744
It fell out of Risqué's
stack in Times Square.
482
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:32,945
What?
483
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,181
I don't want my
only friend to die.
484
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,348
What is this?
485
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,184
A Black porno.
486
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:40,487
These hips don't move
without half my pay up front.
487
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,822
He can play with my
titties, but I'll be damned
488
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:43,823
if he play with my money.
489
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,927
- OK.
- Wait, really?
490
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:49,229
This looks good.
491
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,963
I mean, I'll still
beat you guys,
492
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,399
but I won't hit your faces.
493
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:53,533
Could you just beat him?
494
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:54,867
I don't want to miss boot camp.
495
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:55,935
Sure.
496
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:57,069
America thanks you, sir.
497
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,070
Sorry, Chris!
498
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:00,240
Oh, oh, god.
499
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,874
Oh, you flattened my arch.
500
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:02,909
Damn it.
501
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,947
What's going on?
502
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:10,550
Oprah hasn't asked Prince one
question about El DeBarge.
503
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,252
Tsk, tsk.
504
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,654
OK, what's going on, Julius?
505
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,256
Nothing's going on.
506
00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:18,225
Can't a man huff
and puff when he's happy?
507
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,597
Baby, what's wrong?
508
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,366
If I'm Louis's big
brother, how come he's always
509
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,100
making me feel so damn small?
510
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:31,238
Always rubbing things in my
face, making me feel poor.
511
00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:32,905
Louis called us poor?
512
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:35,275
He implied it,
but he's right.
513
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,843
I gambled our gas money.
514
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:37,944
Julius!
515
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,512
I know,
but I wanted to get Daddy
516
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,248
a better present than Louis.
517
00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:43,750
And now we can't even afford
to drive to South Carolina.
518
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:47,254
You sure about that?
519
00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:48,255
How did you--
520
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,589
* Severance ♪
521
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,424
I finally did it.
522
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:52,825
Mwah!
523
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,927
Julius, we're going
to South Carolina.
524
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:57,997
And we're going to buy the best
gift your dad has ever gotten
525
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:01,501
and rub it right in Louis's
smug, smooth, perfect face.
526
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:03,270
God, he has nice skin.
527
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:05,338
I saw the creams he buys.
528
00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:10,577
Tasha?
529
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,512
Hey, I heard you got a VCR.
530
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:13,880
I was wondering
if you could tape
531
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,648
"Saturday Night Live" for me.
532
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:17,317
I didn't know
you liked "SNL."
533
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:18,318
Are you kidding?
534
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:19,919
Eddie Murphy's so funny.
535
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,488
Thank you!
536
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:25,157
You know, we could watch it
together sometime if you want.
537
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,192
Sure.
538
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:27,960
So how was your day?
539
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,298
I had never gotten a laugh
like this from a girl before,
540
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,965
and it felt amazing.
541
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,302
I started to think
maybe there were
542
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:38,237
other options for my
future that the career
543
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,672
test hadn't considered.
544
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,608
Wait, where did Oprah go?
545
00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:44,611
I'm getting too
sexy for this [bleep].
546
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:46,012
- Eww!
- What is this?
547
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:48,080
Who brought this
filth into our home?
548
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,682
Chris!
549
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:54,120
* Everybody
still hates Chris ♪
550
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:27,186
* MTV ♪
38324
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