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1
00:00:07,833 --> 00:00:09,879
In the '80s,
my number one rule
2
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:12,142
was to avoid bullies
at all costs.
3
00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:13,926
I avoided them at home.
4
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,058
- Hey!
- Chris did it.
5
00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:17,278
Mama, get your belt.
6
00:00:18,279 --> 00:00:19,976
I avoided bullies
on the block.
7
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:22,544
Yo, let me hold a dollar.
8
00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:24,024
I'm gonna jaywalk.
9
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,549
And I definitely tried
10
00:00:27,636 --> 00:00:29,203
to avoid the bullies
at school.
11
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:31,205
Whoa, look, it's Rick Lames.
12
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:32,902
Eep.
13
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:39,300
So when a new freshman
who bullied like a senior
14
00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:41,041
showed up, I was ready.
15
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,477
Yo, bitch.
16
00:00:42,564 --> 00:00:43,521
Black power.
17
00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:53,053
Aww, my maternity muumuu.
18
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,489
I guess the last time I packed
19
00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:56,447
for a trip was when
I gave birth to Tonya.
20
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,362
How are you going
on a work trip?
21
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:00,190
I thought you were gonna get
severance money
22
00:01:00,277 --> 00:01:03,063
to buy me singing lessons
for the spring musical.
23
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,368
I am, sweetie.
24
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:06,805
Mama's working really hard
to get laid off.
25
00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:08,329
But yesterday
my boss announced
26
00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:10,200
an all-expense-paid
corporate retreat...
27
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,682
Aka a free vacation.
28
00:01:13,769 --> 00:01:16,250
So that severance plan
is on hold.
29
00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:19,601
Aww, I think this is
Tonya's umbilical cord.
30
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:21,733
Are you sure you wanna go
on vacation without us?
31
00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:23,213
We're your whole world.
32
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,085
The retreat's in Philly,
right by the factory
33
00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:26,782
where they make
my chocolate turtles.
34
00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:29,132
Now while I'm gone, if you two
don't know what to make
35
00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:30,351
for dinner, tell Chris.
36
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:31,917
If you stub your toe,
tell Chris.
37
00:01:32,004 --> 00:01:33,658
And if you can't find Chris,
tell Chris.
38
00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:35,747
Rochelle, I can handle it.
39
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:38,576
You won't have
to worry about a thing,
40
00:01:38,663 --> 00:01:42,232
except these items I want you
to borrow.
41
00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:46,584
Hotel towels, hotel pillows,
a hotel robe?
42
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:47,846
What?
I wanna look like
43
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:49,457
Michael Douglas
in "Wall Street."
44
00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:55,854
And that's why I think Picard
and Dr. Pulaski had an affair.
45
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:58,814
Whoa.
46
00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:08,040
I respect Chris now.
47
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:11,000
Ooh, Chris, you'd
be the perfect candidate
48
00:02:11,087 --> 00:02:14,221
to wicka-wicka-wicka DJ
the school dance.
49
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:17,006
- Why? Because I'm Black?
- Because you're Black.
50
00:02:17,093 --> 00:02:19,530
If you're gonna DJ,
can I be your hype boy?
51
00:02:19,617 --> 00:02:21,053
It's hype man.
52
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,664
Whatever it's called,
I'm doing it.
53
00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:25,754
It's called
cultural appropriation, bitch.
54
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:30,150
Hotel bath towel.
55
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,586
Hotel toilet.
56
00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:32,978
Mmm.
- Daddy?
57
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:35,938
My throat hurts.
58
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:37,505
Can we go to the doctor?
59
00:02:37,592 --> 00:02:38,723
The doctor?
60
00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:40,682
Doctors don't listen to people
like us.
61
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,553
I was delivering a package
to the Bronx Zoo,
62
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,251
and guess who signed for it?
63
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,209
Yep, that's serious.
64
00:02:46,296 --> 00:02:47,558
Look alive!
65
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,995
Code White! Code White!
66
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:53,521
But don't worry, I got you.
67
00:02:53,608 --> 00:02:55,218
I can't lose my voice.
68
00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:57,264
Tryouts for the musical
are next week.
69
00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:58,961
Can we call Mama?
70
00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:00,615
We don't need your mama.
71
00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:03,748
We got the holy trinity
of home remedies:
72
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,315
steam...
73
00:03:08,971 --> 00:03:10,755
Vapor rub...
74
00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:14,629
She looked shinier
than Lil Nas X.
75
00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:17,240
Ew.
76
00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:19,547
And some hot 'tussin.
77
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:21,505
Why're you mixing it
with water?
78
00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:23,638
Mo' water, mo' tussin.
79
00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:24,769
Chris!
80
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:26,423
Thank God.
81
00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:27,642
I'm sick.
82
00:03:27,729 --> 00:03:28,991
Just pour some 'tussin on it.
83
00:03:29,078 --> 00:03:30,471
You'll be fine.
84
00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:32,734
Disco? Elevator polka?
85
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:36,172
Eartha Kitt and Don Holt
debate cold war strategy?
86
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:37,913
Dad, what happened
to all your good vinyl?
87
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,349
I sold 'em
to fix the fridge.
88
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:40,829
Would you rather
have rotten food?
89
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:42,222
Yes.
90
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:45,747
Are you sure
I can't be your hype boy?
91
00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:47,183
Why do I need a hype boy?
92
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:49,359
DJs are so popular
these days,
93
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,274
they all get trampled
by their fans.
94
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:54,234
Sad news today
from "Da Club,"
95
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:56,323
where a DJ has been trampled
96
00:03:56,410 --> 00:04:00,675
because his beats were,
reports say, too funkalicious.
97
00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:02,938
I could protect you
through hype.
98
00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:05,027
Do you even know
what "Hype" means?
99
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:10,119
When I say, "Hey,"
you say, "Ho."
100
00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:11,729
Hey.
all: Ho.
101
00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:12,730
Hey.
102
00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:14,428
all: Ho.
103
00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:18,780
When I say, "Chris is on,"
you say, "Welfare."
104
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:20,390
Chris is on--
all: Welfare.
105
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:21,913
Chris is on--
all: Welfare!
106
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,786
She's very good.
107
00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:26,396
Nope.
108
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:27,310
Wait, where are you going?
109
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:28,833
It's not worth it.
110
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,661
That's what I shoulda said
before I went
111
00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:32,881
and got stranded
at Burning Man.
112
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:41,542
You got records?
113
00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:43,195
I was so used
to being bullied,
114
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,415
I assumed he wanted
to bully me too.
115
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:48,200
If you want 'em,
you can have 'em.
116
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:50,420
What do you know
about DeeDee BigBalls
117
00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:52,379
and the Glitter Boys?
118
00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:54,381
I wanna hire you.
- What?
119
00:04:54,468 --> 00:04:56,905
I need a DJ for a small party
I'm throwing.
120
00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:59,734
Me, DJ an actual party?
121
00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:01,257
You clearly don't know
who I am.
122
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:03,085
Marcus pays cash money, honey.
123
00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:04,173
Who's Marcus?
124
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,828
Keep up, kid. Me.
125
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,438
So you'll do it?
126
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:10,701
Well, Chris does like cash.
127
00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:11,876
Great.
128
00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:13,704
It's hard to find
a DJ these days.
129
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,837
All the good ones get trampled.
130
00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:19,319
Feeling better, sweet pea?
131
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:25,194
Uh, hello?
132
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:27,370
- Hi, baby.
- Hi, you.
133
00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:30,330
That's my father's
I-done-effed-up voice.
134
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:31,679
So how are my babies?
135
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:32,723
Do you need me to come home?
136
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:38,555
No, I'm not.
137
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:39,643
What the?
138
00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:41,602
- I just wanted soup.
- Ugh!
139
00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:45,693
All I need is hotel towels
and tiny shampoos.
140
00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:47,129
And a nightstand,
if it fits in your purse.
141
00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:48,478
Okay? Well, love you.
Bye.
142
00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:53,570
No daughter of mine's
gonna be a background tree.
143
00:06:00,185 --> 00:06:03,232
Hi, I think my daughter's
tonsils might need to be take--
144
00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:06,191
Any bleedouts, heart attacks,
or tramplings during a DJ set?
145
00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:09,325
- No, but--
- Then take a number.
146
00:06:10,761 --> 00:06:12,110
A-18.
147
00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:13,329
Thank God.
148
00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:14,765
I thought I was gonna--
149
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:17,986
Uh.
150
00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:26,342
All right, kid.
Are you ready?
151
00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:28,823
You're up.
- Marcus?
152
00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:30,825
Marcus doesn't exist here, honey.
153
00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:35,786
Only Titney Houston,
choreographer/singer/model.
154
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:37,658
And, of course,
the legendary mother
155
00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:39,137
of the House of Houston.
156
00:06:39,224 --> 00:06:40,574
Who's Titney?
157
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:43,185
Oh, girl, keep up.
Me!
158
00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:44,708
Now get this party going.
159
00:06:44,795 --> 00:06:47,102
And don't [bleep] it up,
or I'll trample you myself.
160
00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:53,238
Huh?
161
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,165
Yes!
162
00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:09,124
I knew you would fit right in.
163
00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:10,865
I always thought
heaven would be filled
164
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:13,302
with big boobs,
heels, and hairspray.
165
00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:15,696
And it was.
166
00:07:20,048 --> 00:07:21,528
Hi, sorry.
167
00:07:21,615 --> 00:07:23,007
These pancakes are burned.
168
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:24,400
Oh, you don't like 'em?
169
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:26,881
All good.
170
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:29,274
You did the damn thing
tonight, Chris.
171
00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:32,408
You brought
the O-P-U-L-E-N-C-E,
172
00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:34,410
opulence, to that party, henny.
173
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:35,759
You owned everyone.
174
00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:37,544
Impressive
for a straight boy.
175
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:38,762
Thanks.
176
00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:39,633
There's more
where this came from
177
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:40,982
if you DJ for us tomorrow.
178
00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:43,332
It's Mother's first time
hosting a ball.
179
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,333
Wouldn't miss it.
180
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:45,465
Sounds way more fun
181
00:07:45,552 --> 00:07:47,249
than not DJing my school dance.
182
00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:48,598
Oh, wow.
Look, girls.
183
00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:51,122
Jam Master Gay
found his people.
184
00:07:55,213 --> 00:07:56,954
And what's wrong with you?
You going through
185
00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:59,174
some psychological change
in your life?
186
00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:00,697
Yeah,
with those tacky clothes,
187
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:04,135
that ridiculous shape,
that baggy, saggy face.
188
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,442
She wears more makeup
than my mother does.
189
00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:11,534
You killed them!
190
00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,797
What?
No, they just left.
191
00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:16,278
Do you know
that Molly Ringwald wannabe?
192
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:18,236
She's a bully at school.
193
00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:19,716
Uh, you destroyed her.
194
00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:21,849
I've got two rules in life--
195
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:24,286
don't back down from a bully
and never wear kitten heels.
196
00:08:24,373 --> 00:08:26,288
Teach me how.
197
00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:28,508
We can show you...
198
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,118
Thank you so much.
199
00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:33,077
If you DJ my party tomorrow
for free.
200
00:08:33,164 --> 00:08:35,166
I'm still paying off
this wig, girl.
201
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:44,567
Yeah.
It's cold, smelly.
202
00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:46,700
People keep asking me
for foot rubs.
203
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,486
They offering you money?
204
00:08:50,573 --> 00:08:51,879
I can't do another shift.
205
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:53,663
I'm too tired,
there's too many patients,
206
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,926
and it smells like old piss.
207
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:56,927
Do you want these?
208
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:59,713
It'll keep you warm.
209
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,802
Cool.
210
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:04,935
Excuse me,
but how much longer?
211
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:07,416
Sir, I got
a sick daughter here.
212
00:09:07,503 --> 00:09:08,722
In times like these,
213
00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:10,767
my father turned
to a higher power.
214
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:13,727
What would Rochelle do?
215
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:14,554
Get on the floor.
216
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,425
You, put the Dunks in the bag.
217
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,732
If you let us keep some Dunks,
218
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:19,733
I'll give you
these breath mints.
219
00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:21,648
It makes a cool sound.
220
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,127
Damn it,
that's such a cool sound.
221
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:24,259
Fine!
222
00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:25,913
Bribery!
223
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,003
How about you help
my daughter get a bed,
224
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:33,094
and I help you get
free garlic bread?
225
00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:36,924
No. B-22.
226
00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:40,580
Okay, Chris, we're gonna
teach you how to read.
227
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,103
I know how to read.
228
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,409
Not read, read.
229
00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:45,976
It means to lay into someone.
230
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,978
And you know reading is what?
231
00:09:48,065 --> 00:09:49,284
Fundamental.
232
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:51,591
Reading is the art of insult, okay?
233
00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:55,377
You tell people who they are
by tapping into who you are.
234
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:58,728
And we laugh our asses off
because you found a flaw
235
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:00,425
and exaggerated it.
236
00:10:00,512 --> 00:10:01,949
That's how we beat bullies.
237
00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:04,691
The more real,
the more vicious.
238
00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:07,868
And when all else fails
just shout, "Look over there!"
239
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,870
You ready to tell 'em
like it is?
240
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,874
First, you find a flaw.
241
00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:16,050
What do you notice
about this man?
242
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:20,881
Um, I guess his nose
is a little big.
243
00:10:20,968 --> 00:10:22,926
Sorry.
- Really, Chris?
244
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:25,712
That's what you're going for?
His nose? Ugh.
245
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:28,715
Second,
you exaggerate the flaw.
246
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,455
How would you tell
this man he is ugly?
247
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,414
Uh, you're ugly?
248
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,676
Wrong!
249
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,330
You've gotta add some color.
250
00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:38,246
Like BMW--body made wrong.
251
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:43,164
Yeah, this isn't worth
the $5 you offered me to stay.
252
00:10:43,251 --> 00:10:46,210
And last, you've gotta
deliver it with confidence.
253
00:10:46,297 --> 00:10:48,038
Read this stuck-up
skinny bitch.
254
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:51,172
Uh, your butt's so small,
you can't--
255
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:53,653
Stop.
No, no-no-no, no, no.
256
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:54,697
No.
- Stand up straight.
257
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:56,568
Hand on hip.
258
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,658
- Perk your boobs up.
- Uh--uh.
259
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,137
Your butt's so small,
you can't even--
260
00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,749
Oh, I see what
the problem is.
261
00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:05,099
It's not your pose, it's you.
262
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:06,709
How the hell you gonna
look down on somebody
263
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,493
if you can't look
inside yourself?
264
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,191
You've gotta dig deep.
265
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:12,802
It needs to feel like
it's gonna bust outta you.
266
00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:15,544
Your butt--
267
00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:17,241
Okay, is he poopin'?
268
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:20,897
- It's a lost cause.
- No!
269
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:23,378
No straight boy left behind.
- Child, please.
270
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:25,685
You just left a straight boy
behind this morning.
271
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:31,125
- How much for a soup?
- 50¢.
272
00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:32,343
But for you, Doc...
- Oh, I'm not--
273
00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:34,389
It's free.
274
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:35,999
Yes, it is.
275
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:38,306
They'll wanna take
her tonsils out.
276
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:40,395
Who?
We haven't seen a doctor.
277
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:42,484
It took forever just
to get this bed.
278
00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:44,878
I'll let
Congress know you're unhappy
279
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,140
with the American
health-care system.
280
00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:49,883
Ugh!
What would Rochelle do?
281
00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:55,366
Psst. Nuh-uh.
282
00:11:55,453 --> 00:11:57,978
You think you're gonna skimp
on my child? Not today.
283
00:11:58,065 --> 00:12:00,328
She deserves a mess
of Tater Tots,
284
00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:03,723
so get to scoopin'!
285
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:07,204
I got to go off on him!
286
00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:09,946
Hey, your roof leaks
and your lights flicker.
287
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,774
Half the windows
are stuck open.
288
00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:14,168
And you make us wait
a whole day to get a room,
289
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,865
but you're not gonna
send a doctor in?
290
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,606
Sir, please stop going off
on me.
291
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:20,043
I thought I was just
telling you to get to healing.
292
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:22,480
I'm not about
to lose my job over you.
293
00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:27,398
I'm sorry.
I don't have it in me.
294
00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:29,183
I get why you can't stand up
to bullies now.
295
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:30,924
You can't even send back
burnt pancakes,
296
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:32,926
ya burnt-pancake-eatin' bitch.
297
00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:35,058
Okay, damn.
298
00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:37,060
Your dopey ass ain't real.
299
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:38,540
That's why
you'll never read people.
300
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:41,630
I may be a Black drag queen in
a straight white man's world,
301
00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:43,197
but at least I walk proud.
302
00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:45,721
And now I'm walking out on you.
303
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,897
Great. You were my last hope.
304
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:49,203
Ain't no hope for you.
305
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,161
We get why everybody
hates you, Chris.
306
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:53,468
Hey, I may not know who I am,
307
00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:55,296
but at least I don't base
my self-worth
308
00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,733
on two lopsided boobies
and a horse wig.
309
00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:00,518
And I'd take my chances as a DJ
310
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:03,913
over your chances as
a "choreographer"/singer/model
311
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,306
any day...
312
00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:06,002
bitch.
313
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:08,875
all: Damn!
314
00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:11,181
Mm! Finally!
315
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:13,270
Girl, you read me for filth.
316
00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:15,838
You ripped me a new one
on purpose?
317
00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:17,971
Every queen needs a push.
318
00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:20,016
Except for me.
Never touch me.
319
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:27,545
Wow!
320
00:13:42,386 --> 00:13:43,518
Bonjour.
321
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:46,738
Rochelle,
I've got a confession.
322
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:47,696
Is she white?
323
00:13:47,783 --> 00:13:49,132
No. What?
324
00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:50,742
No.
325
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,483
Tonya's sick.
- What?
326
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:54,921
She's fine,
but her tonsils are inflamed,
327
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:56,139
so we're at the hospital.
328
00:13:56,226 --> 00:13:57,532
Hospital?
What'd the doctor say?
329
00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:58,881
I can't get one to come in.
330
00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:00,187
I tried bribery.
331
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,058
Uh, I went off on the nurse.
332
00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:03,277
Why the hell
would you do that?
333
00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:04,669
I was trying
to be like you.
334
00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:06,410
But I'm charming
and beautiful.
335
00:14:06,497 --> 00:14:08,282
You gotta work
with what you got.
336
00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:10,066
I offered him
free garlic bread.
337
00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:12,112
Hello?
338
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,856
My mom was willing
to get home
339
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,032
by any means necessary.
340
00:14:19,119 --> 00:14:20,424
But I'll give you everything.
341
00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:24,602
Tiny shampoos, tiny liquors,
an iron, a wall sconce.
342
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:28,171
Like I said, there are
no more buses until tomorrow.
343
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:30,434
And I don't like your tone.
344
00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:32,784
You know, my friends
rented a limo.
345
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,788
We're headed in your direction,
and we all love tiny liquors.
346
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,837
So which one of youse
is getting hitched?
347
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:44,013
None of us.
We're all gettin' divorced.
348
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:46,276
Whoo!
What about you?
349
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:47,582
Oh, I'm happily married.
350
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:54,806
Then she bath-robed her way
into an all-female biker gang.
351
00:14:58,723 --> 00:15:01,291
Rochelle,
you gonna help us fight?
352
00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:02,510
Oh, hell no.
353
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:03,815
But you can take my iron.
354
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,600
Thanks.
355
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:12,955
I don't get it.
356
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:14,261
You spent
all that time with them,
357
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,089
and you didn't find out?
358
00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:18,613
Greg, I wasn't gonna ask them
where they tuck it, okay?
359
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,180
Chris is on--
all: Welfare!
360
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:21,964
Chris is on--
all: Welfare.
361
00:15:22,051 --> 00:15:23,574
And just like that,
362
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:27,709
my inner queen was ready
to face my bullies.
363
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:30,407
Your parents are so poor,
you're the only white family
364
00:15:30,494 --> 00:15:32,932
that moves in
and home values plummet.
365
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,934
And you, you got
so many freckles,
366
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,240
if I played connect the dots,
you'd be in blackface.
367
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:38,850
Don't do me!
368
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,678
That's right.
You better run.
369
00:15:40,765 --> 00:15:43,159
You just bullied the bullies!
370
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,205
Why does that
make me so aroused?
371
00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:51,559
It's time
to turn the turntables.
372
00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:53,343
Well, what about
your friends' party?
373
00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:54,779
You wanna be
my hype boy or not?
374
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:57,695
Raise your hands in the air
375
00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,784
like you just don't care!
376
00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:03,266
Whoa, the lights are fixed.
377
00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:04,485
The sink isn't leaking.
378
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:06,400
Who did this?
379
00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:08,706
I did.
380
00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:10,012
I'm too cheap to bribe
381
00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:11,796
and I'm not charming enough
to go off,
382
00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:13,537
but I do know how
to fix things.
383
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:16,627
Now I need you
to fix my daughter.
384
00:16:16,714 --> 00:16:19,152
It's not a job,
it's a callin'.
385
00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:21,284
And I answered the call.
386
00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:23,765
A woman just came in, and
she's 9 centimeters dilated.
387
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:25,636
Follow me.
- Oh, snap.
388
00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:26,811
Look, I'm not a doctor.
I just--
389
00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:28,161
Doctor, it's triplets.
390
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:29,205
Hurry!
391
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,316
Hey.
392
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:54,361
all: Ho.
393
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:56,363
Hey.
all: Ho.
394
00:16:57,973 --> 00:16:59,757
I got it from here.
395
00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:01,324
You wanna DJ?
396
00:17:01,411 --> 00:17:03,283
Go spin your head
in the toilet.
397
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:04,632
No.
398
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:08,810
- What did you say?
- Nothing.
399
00:17:08,897 --> 00:17:11,943
Just it's a good thing
your hair is fiery red
400
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,468
so dudes know how
to stop, drop, and roll away
401
00:17:14,555 --> 00:17:15,469
when they see you.
402
00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:17,297
all: Ooh!
403
00:17:17,384 --> 00:17:18,950
If this is what
Orphan Annie looked like,
404
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,430
I get why her parents left.
405
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:21,823
Oh, no, he didn't.
406
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,651
Wait.
I ain't done yet.
407
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:26,958
Ha! You look like Chucky's
less successful sibling,
408
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,003
Schmucky.
409
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:29,439
Oh, yes, he did!
410
00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:39,362
When I say, "Katy's"
you say, "Trash."
411
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:40,711
Katy's--
all: Trash!
412
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:42,365
Katy's--
all: Trash!
413
00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:51,679
Oh, I knew I shouldn't
have gone on that trip.
414
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:52,984
Where's the doctor?
415
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,204
Prepping
for Tonya's tonsillectomy.
416
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:56,423
She'll be okay.
417
00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:57,554
There's a man bleeding out
418
00:17:57,641 --> 00:17:59,165
from a gunshot wound,
419
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:01,906
but the nurses insisted
I help Tonya first.
420
00:18:01,993 --> 00:18:03,734
How'd you get them
to do that?
421
00:18:03,821 --> 00:18:05,606
I worked with what I got--
422
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:06,737
work.
423
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,481
I was lovin'
my new bully-proof life,
424
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:13,701
and the crowd was lovin' me.
425
00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:15,920
Damn, they're
really feelin' this.
426
00:18:16,007 --> 00:18:17,008
Hey! Hey! Yeah!
427
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,013
- Chris, uh--
- What?
428
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,755
They're getting too into it.
They're gonna trample us.
429
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:28,368
- What?
- You're on your own!
430
00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:30,196
Wave your hands in the air.
431
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:31,719
Please go back over there.
432
00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:33,590
Aah!
433
00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:41,729
This is for my sister.
434
00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:42,817
Your sister?
435
00:18:42,904 --> 00:18:44,819
Katy. Keep up.
436
00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:50,520
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
sooner that Tonya was sick.
437
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:52,261
I'm just never on Dad duty.
438
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,524
I didn't wanna mess up
your trip the one time I was.
439
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:56,091
It's okay, baby.
440
00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:58,659
I should've known you'd
have it all under control.
441
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:00,400
I didn't have it
under control at first.
442
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:01,836
You make it look so easy.
443
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,272
It's okay.
444
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,187
One time I left baby Chris
in the store
445
00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:06,884
and brought home
a sweet potato.
446
00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:08,582
Changed his diaper
and everything.
447
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:10,279
It's just being a parent.
448
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:11,846
And you're a great dad.
449
00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:14,065
Thank you, baby.
450
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,632
So how's Chris?
451
00:19:15,719 --> 00:19:17,460
I'm sure he's fine.
452
00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:22,726
My baby's okay!
453
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,514
Oh, baby, no.
454
00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,429
Chris isn't here.
455
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:34,347
Ooh, those drugs
are too strong.
456
00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:38,873
Marcus?
457
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,483
How'd you know I was here?
458
00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:42,398
I didn't. I work here.
459
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:45,009
If I knew you were here,
your Jell-O would be poisoned.
460
00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:46,881
I'm sorry
I missed your party.
461
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:49,840
It was my first time
hosting a ball, and you bailed.
462
00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:52,016
Do you know what happens
when gays don't dance?
463
00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:56,325
Lights off, bitches!
464
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:01,591
I just thought I finally
found a way to stop my bullies.
465
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,767
I read Katy to tears.
466
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:06,248
Tears?
That's too far.
467
00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:09,164
Once you read her like a book,
you close the book, Mary.
468
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,600
If you go past that,
469
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:12,385
it makes you no better
than a bully yourself.
470
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:14,169
I promise not
to miss the next party.
471
00:20:14,256 --> 00:20:17,041
There won't be
a next party for you.
472
00:20:17,128 --> 00:20:18,782
But I will get you a doctor.
473
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:20,915
I'm actually doin' okay now.
474
00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:21,959
Ow!
475
00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:23,222
Doctor!
476
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:25,398
Drew?
477
00:20:25,485 --> 00:20:26,312
Just act like
I'm helping you.
478
00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:27,922
Helpin' me?
479
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:32,535
♪ Everybody
still hates Chris ♪
480
00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:37,627
Nah.
481
00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:39,325
Can everyone gather
around, please?
482
00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:41,849
This'll just take a second.
483
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:44,852
Listen, I'm a 16-year-old boy.
484
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:46,723
Oh, my God.
485
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:49,944
You finished medical school
by age 16?
486
00:20:50,031 --> 00:20:51,946
It's incredible
you balance this job
487
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:54,340
with all the trials and
tribulations of being a teen.
488
00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:57,125
No!
489
00:20:57,212 --> 00:21:00,955
And I wanna call the show
"Doogie Howser, M.D."
490
00:21:03,174 --> 00:21:04,524
We can make him white.
491
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:07,222
- Oh, yes.
- Oh!
492
00:21:35,816 --> 00:21:39,816
♪ MTV ♪
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