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1
00:00:09,559 --> 00:00:12,693
I need you to find my
husband, Detective Cheeks.
2
00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:16,304
I'm concerned
he's met with foul play.
3
00:00:16,390 --> 00:00:17,827
She's lying.
4
00:00:17,914 --> 00:00:19,698
She killed him
for the life insurance.
5
00:00:19,784 --> 00:00:22,004
My family was good
at spotting the liar,
6
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:23,613
because we were great
at lying.
7
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,181
If that's Louis, tell
him I'm stuck on the Statue
8
00:00:27,268 --> 00:00:28,835
of Liberty's head.
9
00:00:28,921 --> 00:00:30,792
My dad lied to avoid
his brother Louis
10
00:00:30,879 --> 00:00:32,359
who was visiting New York.
11
00:00:32,445 --> 00:00:34,534
Uncle Louis was
always one-upping him.
12
00:00:34,621 --> 00:00:38,146
And the sound quality is way
better than a cassette tape.
13
00:00:38,232 --> 00:00:39,190
Oh, I know.
14
00:00:39,276 --> 00:00:41,408
Check out my CD player.
15
00:00:41,495 --> 00:00:44,411
The sound system was 14 grand,
16
00:00:44,497 --> 00:00:45,455
but they threw in the car
for free.
17
00:00:47,282 --> 00:00:48,762
Hello?
18
00:00:48,848 --> 00:00:50,023
Oh, hey, Louis.
19
00:00:50,110 --> 00:00:51,459
Julius isn't home.
20
00:00:51,546 --> 00:00:53,026
Oh, you just bought a new home.
21
00:00:54,591 --> 00:00:56,463
He'll be so
happy to hear that.
22
00:00:58,203 --> 00:00:59,508
Fibbing was our
second tongue.
23
00:00:59,594 --> 00:01:00,987
We were lie-lingual.
24
00:01:01,074 --> 00:01:03,294
But at least
we all had one person
25
00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:05,599
who always told us the truth.
26
00:01:05,685 --> 00:01:06,599
Drew had my mother.
27
00:01:06,686 --> 00:01:07,600
You can't wear blue.
28
00:01:07,687 --> 00:01:08,558
You're light-skinned.
29
00:01:08,644 --> 00:01:09,993
Thank you.
30
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:11,560
My mother had Drew.
31
00:01:11,646 --> 00:01:13,517
Mama, this is nasty.
32
00:01:13,604 --> 00:01:16,216
Oh, thank you.
33
00:01:16,302 --> 00:01:18,130
And I had Tonya.
34
00:01:18,217 --> 00:01:20,610
Dang, you look like
a rejected Ninja Turtle.
35
00:01:20,696 --> 00:01:22,698
Didn't want her,
but I had her.
36
00:01:22,785 --> 00:01:24,699
No, I don't.
37
00:01:25,743 --> 00:01:27,092
Cowabunga.
38
00:01:27,179 --> 00:01:29,616
Leo-nerdo.
39
00:01:33,749 --> 00:01:36,491
My dad hated it when his
brother was in town,
40
00:01:36,577 --> 00:01:38,057
'cause he could pop in
at any time.
41
00:01:38,143 --> 00:01:39,100
It's Louis.
42
00:01:39,187 --> 00:01:40,493
Scatter!
Scatter!
43
00:01:40,579 --> 00:01:41,667
Scatter!
44
00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:45,017
Oh.
45
00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:46,671
Hi, Doc.
46
00:01:46,757 --> 00:01:47,671
Sorry to barge in
like this, but no one
47
00:01:47,758 --> 00:01:49,020
was answering the phone.
48
00:01:49,106 --> 00:01:51,500
Yeah, it's not
working for some reason.
49
00:01:53,153 --> 00:01:55,546
Drew, I need you at the
corner store on Saturday.
50
00:01:55,632 --> 00:01:56,982
I'm planning to honor
Jackie Robinson,
51
00:01:57,068 --> 00:01:58,809
and I need you to be there.
52
00:01:58,895 --> 00:02:00,418
Jackie Robinson!
53
00:02:02,636 --> 00:02:04,073
What about him?
54
00:02:04,159 --> 00:02:06,074
I didn't know you
were such a big fan.
55
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,552
Here we go.
56
00:02:07,638 --> 00:02:09,205
He broke baseball's
color barrier,
57
00:02:09,292 --> 00:02:10,903
he helped the Dodgers
win the World Series,
58
00:02:10,989 --> 00:02:12,512
and he lived
in a duplex down the street
59
00:02:12,598 --> 00:02:14,948
where I may or may not
leave 42 flowers for him
60
00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:16,427
on his birthday every year.
61
00:02:16,513 --> 00:02:18,341
You buy flowers for a ghost?
62
00:02:18,427 --> 00:02:20,777
So I've got to die
for you to get me flowers?
63
00:02:20,863 --> 00:02:25,041
Well, uh, I'm having a Jackie
Robinson promotion at the store
64
00:02:25,041 --> 00:02:26,562
to celebrate number 42.
65
00:02:26,648 --> 00:02:29,477
Buy 41 items
and get the 42nd free.
66
00:02:29,563 --> 00:02:31,217
Why do you need
me to be there?
67
00:02:31,303 --> 00:02:33,523
Because Jackie picked you up
when you were a baby.
68
00:02:33,609 --> 00:02:35,263
Don't you remember?
69
00:02:35,349 --> 00:02:38,613
No, I don't remember anything
from when I was a baby.
70
00:02:38,613 --> 00:02:40,221
Oh, god.
71
00:02:40,307 --> 00:02:41,831
I have amnesia!
72
00:02:41,917 --> 00:02:42,961
Who am I?
73
00:02:43,047 --> 00:02:44,570
Well, I'll never forget it.
74
00:02:46,093 --> 00:02:48,269
The day, overcast.
75
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,747
You could smell
the coming rain.
76
00:02:50,834 --> 00:02:54,272
The clouds were thick,
but the crowd was thicker.
77
00:02:54,272 --> 00:02:57,273
The sun bathed Drew
in light, and Jackie
78
00:02:57,273 --> 00:02:59,099
picked him up, anointing him.
79
00:02:59,185 --> 00:03:02,318
The boy who got picked up!
80
00:03:02,318 --> 00:03:04,449
The crowd oohed.
81
00:03:04,535 --> 00:03:06,667
Ooh!
82
00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:07,753
Did they ahh?
83
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,102
No, it was just the ooh.
84
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,843
Drew, I want you
to tell this Jackie
85
00:03:10,843 --> 00:03:12,320
Robinson story on Saturday.
86
00:03:12,406 --> 00:03:13,755
You'll be the main event.
87
00:03:13,842 --> 00:03:15,408
The main event.
88
00:03:15,494 --> 00:03:17,540
This was my dad's
chance to one-up
89
00:03:17,626 --> 00:03:19,193
his one-upping-ass brother.
90
00:03:19,279 --> 00:03:21,150
I need to call Louis.
91
00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:22,671
Ow!
92
00:03:22,757 --> 00:03:25,456
Since meeting her
at Tasha's church,
93
00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:27,978
I've been making out
nonstop with--
94
00:03:28,064 --> 00:03:28,978
Amy?
95
00:03:29,064 --> 00:03:30,065
Nope.
96
00:03:30,151 --> 00:03:31,544
I didn't even know her name.
97
00:03:31,630 --> 00:03:33,545
We were so busy
playing tonsil hockey,
98
00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:34,980
we hadn't made time
for tonsil talky.
99
00:03:36,066 --> 00:03:37,024
Whoo!
100
00:03:37,110 --> 00:03:39,590
So, um, do you like music?
101
00:03:39,590 --> 00:03:40,633
Love it.
102
00:03:42,328 --> 00:03:43,677
You ever listened
to Big Daddy Kane?
103
00:03:43,763 --> 00:03:45,896
I prefer
country because country
104
00:03:45,896 --> 00:03:49,593
singers don't sing bad
about women, or horses.
105
00:03:49,593 --> 00:03:50,854
Horses?
106
00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:54,378
Uh, so what shows do you like?
107
00:03:54,378 --> 00:03:55,376
"Bewitched."
108
00:03:55,462 --> 00:03:56,593
Have you seen it?
109
00:03:56,679 --> 00:03:57,985
No.
110
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:58,811
But you said
you liked comedy.
111
00:03:58,897 --> 00:03:59,898
I do.
112
00:03:59,984 --> 00:04:01,420
I'm into Eddie Murphy.
113
00:04:01,506 --> 00:04:03,421
Oh, I think you
mean Eddie Munster.
114
00:04:03,507 --> 00:04:05,074
Mm, I don't.
115
00:04:05,074 --> 00:04:06,813
What can I get you two?
116
00:04:06,899 --> 00:04:09,946
We'll start with your
New England clam chowder.
117
00:04:09,946 --> 00:04:13,294
I only eat
Old England clam chowder.
118
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:15,336
I'll give you two a minute.
119
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:18,338
Jackie Robinson made it to
second base hundreds of times,
120
00:04:18,338 --> 00:04:20,033
and I wasn't even
going to do it once.
121
00:04:20,119 --> 00:04:21,076
Huh?
122
00:04:24,035 --> 00:04:28,253
Uh, I got to make
sure my Afro's even.
123
00:04:29,989 --> 00:04:31,425
What are you doing?
124
00:04:31,511 --> 00:04:33,862
I'm trying to find
a photo from the day I became
125
00:04:33,862 --> 00:04:35,773
the boy who got picked up.
126
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:37,209
Forget the photo.
127
00:04:37,209 --> 00:04:38,425
You need to practice
your speech.
128
00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:40,383
I'm inviting Uncle Louis.
129
00:04:40,383 --> 00:04:43,688
This has got to be the best
speech Louis has ever heard.
130
00:04:43,688 --> 00:04:45,731
OK, cool, so no pressure.
131
00:04:45,731 --> 00:04:47,165
Yes, pressure!
132
00:04:47,251 --> 00:04:49,384
This is me putting
pressure on you!
133
00:04:49,384 --> 00:04:52,080
I mean, I'll try, but I
don't really know much about
134
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,122
that day.
135
00:04:53,208 --> 00:04:54,470
Then research.
136
00:04:54,556 --> 00:04:56,123
Go to the library.
137
00:04:56,209 --> 00:04:57,601
It's going to close soon.
138
00:04:57,601 --> 00:05:00,254
I'll never make it,
unless I take a cab.
139
00:05:03,686 --> 00:05:07,603
We've been digging for
four score and seven years.
140
00:05:07,603 --> 00:05:09,384
I never should
have left England.
141
00:05:09,384 --> 00:05:11,079
Don't give up!
142
00:05:11,165 --> 00:05:12,210
We're going to make
it out together!
143
00:05:14,994 --> 00:05:16,036
Ha, ha!
144
00:05:16,122 --> 00:05:17,906
See ya, suckers!
145
00:05:17,906 --> 00:05:21,473
Tell my slaves I love them.
146
00:05:21,473 --> 00:05:25,429
Here... you go.
147
00:05:25,429 --> 00:05:28,776
Damn, that was $10
worth of dollars.
148
00:05:30,993 --> 00:05:32,426
Greg?
149
00:05:32,512 --> 00:05:34,471
What are you doing out there?
150
00:05:34,471 --> 00:05:35,731
I can't let you
ruin this for us.
151
00:05:35,731 --> 00:05:36,469
Us?
152
00:05:36,555 --> 00:05:38,426
Yeah, us.
153
00:05:38,426 --> 00:05:40,557
Best friends experience
things through each other.
154
00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:42,252
That's why I'm here.
155
00:05:42,252 --> 00:05:46,037
A win for you is a win
for me, and you are losing.
156
00:05:46,037 --> 00:05:48,774
It's not my fault.
Me and whatever her name
157
00:05:48,774 --> 00:05:50,599
is have nothing in common.
158
00:05:50,599 --> 00:05:51,947
Then lie.
159
00:05:52,033 --> 00:05:54,426
Honest-ay won't
get you no boo-tay.
160
00:05:54,426 --> 00:05:57,992
It feels wrong to lie to
a girl just to get some.
161
00:05:57,992 --> 00:05:59,860
Do you want to get
to second base or not?
162
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:00,641
Of course I do, Greg.
163
00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:01,684
Do you even know me?
164
00:06:01,770 --> 00:06:03,903
Then go play her, playa.
165
00:06:03,903 --> 00:06:05,380
Fine.
166
00:06:05,380 --> 00:06:06,814
But you have to promise to
put your pimp voice away
167
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:07,466
and never bring it out again.
168
00:06:07,552 --> 00:06:09,467
OK.
169
00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:11,554
Mom, I was just
at the library,
170
00:06:11,554 --> 00:06:13,814
and I'm confused
about something.
171
00:06:13,814 --> 00:06:15,466
You went to the library?
172
00:06:15,466 --> 00:06:16,726
On a Friday night?
173
00:06:16,726 --> 00:06:17,856
Don't lie to me, boy.
174
00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:19,813
Is it drugs?
175
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:20,812
Huh?
176
00:06:20,898 --> 00:06:22,595
No.
177
00:06:22,595 --> 00:06:24,421
Look at this photo I found from
the day Jackie picked me up.
178
00:06:24,421 --> 00:06:26,681
It's hard to make out my face.
179
00:06:26,681 --> 00:06:29,160
Newspapers don't know how
to photograph Black people.
180
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,420
You're lucky it's not just
a picture of your teeth.
181
00:06:31,420 --> 00:06:33,419
OK, bedtime.
182
00:06:33,419 --> 00:06:34,549
Why am I wearing a dress?
183
00:06:34,549 --> 00:06:35,548
It was the '70s.
184
00:06:35,634 --> 00:06:36,940
Boys wore dresses.
185
00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:37,982
This doesn't
look like my hair.
186
00:06:38,068 --> 00:06:39,678
It rained.
Your hair curled up.
187
00:06:39,678 --> 00:06:40,808
But in the story,
you said you
188
00:06:40,894 --> 00:06:41,939
could smell the coming rain.
189
00:06:41,939 --> 00:06:42,546
The coming rain came, boy.
190
00:06:42,632 --> 00:06:43,546
But you said--
191
00:06:46,765 --> 00:06:49,590
You know,
while I was sculpting my Afro,
192
00:06:49,590 --> 00:06:53,722
I couldn't help remembering,
I think I did see "Bewitched,"
193
00:06:53,722 --> 00:06:54,892
and I loved it.
194
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:57,588
I mean, it's so good, right?
195
00:06:57,588 --> 00:06:58,848
The only way
it could get better
196
00:06:58,848 --> 00:07:00,586
is if Eddie Munster was in it.
197
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:03,022
I thought the same thing.
198
00:07:03,022 --> 00:07:05,586
What kind of name
is Big Daddy Kane, anyway?
199
00:07:05,586 --> 00:07:08,456
What he should be rapping
about is being a big father
200
00:07:08,456 --> 00:07:10,541
in his children's lives.
201
00:07:13,581 --> 00:07:14,887
This is really nice, Chris.
202
00:07:14,887 --> 00:07:16,800
Yeah, Red Lobster's the best.
203
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,146
Save room for dessert.
204
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,189
Oh, Chris.
205
00:07:19,275 --> 00:07:20,363
I want to be the dessert.
206
00:07:25,232 --> 00:07:26,970
I had finally
gotten to second base,
207
00:07:26,970 --> 00:07:29,753
and it was all thanks to Greg.
208
00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:32,230
Maybe I should have
listened to him more often.
209
00:07:32,230 --> 00:07:34,273
Are we-- in there yet?
210
00:07:34,273 --> 00:07:35,793
Never mind.
211
00:07:35,793 --> 00:07:37,401
I'll remember this
night on my deathbed.
212
00:07:37,401 --> 00:07:38,966
Me too.
213
00:07:38,966 --> 00:07:41,053
I finally found the
Darrin to my Samantha.
214
00:07:41,053 --> 00:07:41,877
Who?
215
00:07:41,963 --> 00:07:44,096
Uh, from "Bewitched."
216
00:07:44,096 --> 00:07:45,137
I know.
217
00:07:45,223 --> 00:07:46,137
I meant, whoo!
218
00:07:46,137 --> 00:07:47,180
Like, ooh, boy.
219
00:07:47,266 --> 00:07:49,007
What a great show.
220
00:07:49,007 --> 00:07:50,396
And now we can watch it
every night on the couch.
221
00:07:50,396 --> 00:07:52,222
And you know what's next?
222
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,615
Uh, you touch my boobs?
223
00:07:55,615 --> 00:07:57,264
You meeting my family!
224
00:07:57,264 --> 00:07:59,394
This is the start
of our lives together!
225
00:07:59,394 --> 00:08:01,263
I just wanted to
get to second base,
226
00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:03,828
but she was trying
to take me home.
227
00:08:07,085 --> 00:08:09,304
Both of them
at the same time?
228
00:08:09,304 --> 00:08:11,433
Did you lift them up?
What's under them?
229
00:08:11,433 --> 00:08:12,866
Uh-- uh-- sweat?
230
00:08:12,866 --> 00:08:14,431
It doesn't matter.
There's a problem.
231
00:08:14,431 --> 00:08:15,604
What problem?
232
00:08:15,604 --> 00:08:17,169
We are literally in there.
233
00:08:17,169 --> 00:08:18,211
We?
234
00:08:18,297 --> 00:08:19,081
No, no.
235
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:21,559
I'm in there way too deep.
236
00:08:21,559 --> 00:08:23,950
She thinks we're serious
because you made me lie to her.
237
00:08:23,950 --> 00:08:26,254
She let you touch her boob.
238
00:08:26,254 --> 00:08:29,557
The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther
King Jr. did not march for you
239
00:08:29,557 --> 00:08:31,294
to waste that freedom, Chris.
240
00:08:31,294 --> 00:08:34,642
White people toss out
MLK's name like a drunk guy
241
00:08:34,642 --> 00:08:35,987
playing cornhole.
242
00:08:35,987 --> 00:08:39,118
She wants me to
meet her family.
243
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:41,073
Dude, you've got
to break up with her.
244
00:08:41,073 --> 00:08:43,594
I can't believe this,
but you're right again.
245
00:08:43,594 --> 00:08:45,244
I have to break up with--
246
00:08:45,244 --> 00:08:46,243
wh-- what's her name?
247
00:08:47,241 --> 00:08:48,677
Chris!
248
00:08:48,677 --> 00:08:49,676
Oh, god.
249
00:08:49,676 --> 00:08:51,632
She's here.
250
00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:53,414
Hey, babe.
251
00:08:53,414 --> 00:08:56,632
I know we just saw each
other, but I missed you.
252
00:08:56,632 --> 00:08:58,455
I missed you, too.
253
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,280
I can't wait for you to come
roller-skating with my
254
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,019
family tomorrow.
255
00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:04,410
Yeah, about that,
I think we should talk.
256
00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:06,625
Wait, for real?
257
00:09:06,625 --> 00:09:09,364
I love that you love to talk.
258
00:09:09,364 --> 00:09:11,754
I'm tired of getting
my heart broken by jerks
259
00:09:11,754 --> 00:09:13,273
who just want to feel me up.
260
00:09:13,273 --> 00:09:15,970
I'm glad you're different,
Chris.
261
00:09:15,970 --> 00:09:17,968
So what do you
want to talk about?
262
00:09:17,968 --> 00:09:22,317
Uh,
how country music is so good.
263
00:09:22,317 --> 00:09:24,616
Liar.
264
00:09:26,572 --> 00:09:27,918
I need to talk to Drew.
265
00:09:27,918 --> 00:09:28,525
Have you seen him?
- Who cares?
266
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:29,525
Can't talk.
267
00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:30,960
Gotta clean.
268
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,350
Oh, you invited Louis over.
269
00:09:32,350 --> 00:09:34,873
It wouldn't be for
Jackie Robinson day, would it?
270
00:09:34,873 --> 00:09:36,218
Oh, is that today?
271
00:09:36,218 --> 00:09:37,652
Mm-hmm.
272
00:09:37,652 --> 00:09:39,608
I can smell the fake on you.
273
00:09:39,608 --> 00:09:41,651
Ain't no fake on me.
274
00:09:41,651 --> 00:09:43,345
You're trying to rub
it in your brother's face
275
00:09:43,345 --> 00:09:45,388
that Jackie Robinson
picked up your son.
276
00:09:45,388 --> 00:09:48,040
His face
is going to look so dumb.
277
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:48,950
Mm-hmm.
278
00:09:48,950 --> 00:09:51,428
That's just what I thought.
279
00:09:51,428 --> 00:09:54,210
Louis always makes
everything about him.
280
00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:56,425
But today,
it's finally about me.
281
00:09:56,425 --> 00:09:57,467
What?
282
00:09:57,467 --> 00:09:58,640
It's about your son.
283
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,553
Who is an extension of me.
284
00:10:00,553 --> 00:10:01,681
I made him from me.
285
00:10:02,898 --> 00:10:03,679
Shut up.
286
00:10:03,766 --> 00:10:05,115
He's here!
287
00:10:05,115 --> 00:10:08,681
Louis, I'm so glad to see you.
288
00:10:08,681 --> 00:10:11,678
Well, I got your message
on my answering service.
289
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:14,851
Did you know with my answering
service I can get messages
290
00:10:14,851 --> 00:10:17,196
anywhere in the world?
291
00:10:17,196 --> 00:10:18,455
Wow.
292
00:10:18,455 --> 00:10:20,237
You're answering
service sounds amazing.
293
00:10:20,237 --> 00:10:22,541
I'm so glad you're
telling me about it.
294
00:10:22,541 --> 00:10:23,320
Get in here.
295
00:10:23,406 --> 00:10:24,320
Hey, Louis.
296
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,233
Long time.
297
00:10:26,233 --> 00:10:27,623
Well, maybe I'm going
crazy, but I thought
298
00:10:27,623 --> 00:10:28,578
Julius was avoiding me.
299
00:10:28,578 --> 00:10:29,621
Me?
300
00:10:29,707 --> 00:10:31,491
Avoid my own brother?
301
00:10:31,491 --> 00:10:34,274
Well, that answering service
must be off because you
302
00:10:34,274 --> 00:10:35,879
got the wrong message.
303
00:10:35,879 --> 00:10:39,446
We have fun together.
304
00:10:39,446 --> 00:10:41,747
Since I couldn't
break up with Alicia--
305
00:10:41,747 --> 00:10:43,396
nope, that wasn't it--
306
00:10:43,396 --> 00:10:46,440
I wondered if life with
her wouldn't be so bad.
307
00:10:47,566 --> 00:10:48,609
Oh my god.
308
00:10:48,695 --> 00:10:49,870
She did it again.
309
00:10:51,565 --> 00:10:54,130
I like this too.
310
00:10:54,130 --> 00:10:57,129
Let's try the new Eddie
Munster stand-up special.
311
00:10:57,129 --> 00:10:58,865
I think you
mean Eddie Murphy?
312
00:10:58,865 --> 00:11:01,125
No, I mean Eddie Munster.
313
00:11:03,297 --> 00:11:05,470
And then this vampire
mother[bleep], he--
314
00:11:05,470 --> 00:11:07,207
Ah!
315
00:11:07,207 --> 00:11:08,423
Why are you just sitting
there looking stupid?
316
00:11:08,423 --> 00:11:09,465
I have a problem.
317
00:11:09,465 --> 00:11:10,943
Of course, you do.
318
00:11:10,943 --> 00:11:13,030
You can't cook,
can't sing, can't run,
319
00:11:13,030 --> 00:11:15,594
can't do the running man,
can't run the mile,
320
00:11:15,594 --> 00:11:17,810
can't run the half mile,
can't watch "Land Before Time"
321
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:18,938
without crying--
322
00:11:18,938 --> 00:11:20,808
Tonya, I need a favor.
323
00:11:20,808 --> 00:11:22,328
Well, well, well.
324
00:11:22,328 --> 00:11:24,588
So this is what your
rock bottom looks like.
325
00:11:24,588 --> 00:11:27,543
Say everything you just
said, but to my girlfriend.
326
00:11:27,543 --> 00:11:31,194
Then she'll break up with me,
and I won't be the bad guy.
327
00:11:31,194 --> 00:11:34,452
You want me to help
you by telling the truth
328
00:11:34,452 --> 00:11:36,101
about how much you suck?
329
00:11:36,101 --> 00:11:37,012
Yes.
330
00:11:37,012 --> 00:11:38,795
What's it going to cost me?
331
00:11:38,795 --> 00:11:40,576
$50 bucks and make El DeBarge
fall in love with me.
332
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,662
I'll give you $10
and an El DeBarge cassingle.
333
00:11:42,662 --> 00:11:43,704
Done.
334
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:45,878
Can't even negotiate.
335
00:11:45,878 --> 00:11:47,310
I would have done
this for free.
336
00:11:51,873 --> 00:11:55,090
Ugh, did Julius forget to
pay the color bill again?
337
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:58,262
Hello, Mother, if that's
even your real name.
338
00:11:58,262 --> 00:12:00,084
It's not.
339
00:12:00,084 --> 00:12:01,735
You know that's not
my real name, right?
340
00:12:01,735 --> 00:12:04,735
I didn't, but that's not
what we're talking about.
341
00:12:04,735 --> 00:12:06,471
Who the hell is playing jazz?
342
00:12:07,991 --> 00:12:10,035
I had a very interesting
morning, Mother.
343
00:12:10,035 --> 00:12:12,381
The day, overcast.
344
00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:14,553
You could smell
the coming rain.
345
00:12:14,553 --> 00:12:19,207
The clouds were thick,
but the crowd was thicker.
346
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,763
The sun bathed Drew
in light, and Jackie
347
00:12:26,763 --> 00:12:28,804
picked him up, anointing him--
348
00:12:28,804 --> 00:12:31,585
the boy who got picked up!
349
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:38,240
Everyone I talked to told the
same story the same exact way.
350
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,012
Of course.
351
00:12:39,098 --> 00:12:40,099
They were all there.
352
00:12:40,099 --> 00:12:42,273
Hmm.
353
00:12:42,273 --> 00:12:45,012
The funny thing is, Mother, not
a single one of them was there.
354
00:12:45,012 --> 00:12:46,878
They all heard
the story from you,
355
00:12:46,878 --> 00:12:49,835
which can only mean one thing.
356
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:53,834
I'm not the boy
who got picked up.
357
00:12:53,834 --> 00:12:55,698
Fine, OK?
358
00:12:55,698 --> 00:12:58,002
The boy who got picked up
with some girl named Chante.
359
00:12:58,002 --> 00:13:02,394
How did an honest mom like
you wind up in a lie like this?
360
00:13:02,394 --> 00:13:03,953
Drew, listen--
361
00:13:03,953 --> 00:13:05,561
You were the one
person I could trust.
362
00:13:05,561 --> 00:13:08,039
I mean, is my name even Drew?
363
00:13:08,039 --> 00:13:09,254
Well, technically,
it's Andrew.
364
00:13:21,161 --> 00:13:24,596
Chris,
it's so nice to meet you.
365
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,332
Glad you brought Tonya too.
366
00:13:26,332 --> 00:13:29,506
My only question is,
where's Tonya 1?
367
00:13:31,590 --> 00:13:33,110
Yikes.
368
00:13:33,110 --> 00:13:34,980
So Chris, while you're
dating my princess--
369
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,935
Guess they forgot
her name too.
370
00:13:36,935 --> 00:13:40,632
You'll see the two things we
value most, family and honesty.
371
00:13:40,632 --> 00:13:42,629
That's why our favorite
movie is "Pinocchio."
372
00:13:42,629 --> 00:13:45,716
Daddy, Chris told me
it's also his favorite movie.
373
00:13:45,716 --> 00:13:47,408
Right, Chris?
374
00:13:47,408 --> 00:13:48,537
It is until they
make a "Bewitched" movie.
375
00:13:48,623 --> 00:13:50,668
I would die!
376
00:13:50,668 --> 00:13:52,885
That would be my "Godfather."
377
00:13:52,885 --> 00:13:54,187
Ugh, do it.
378
00:13:54,187 --> 00:13:56,057
Do it now.
379
00:13:56,057 --> 00:13:57,011
There's something
I want to tell you.
380
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:01,968
El DeBarge!
381
00:14:01,968 --> 00:14:03,749
Tonya,
you were saying something.
382
00:14:03,749 --> 00:14:05,444
Ugh, no!
383
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:07,443
It's not El DeBarge.
384
00:14:07,443 --> 00:14:10,488
Why does every song sound
like El DeBarge to me?
385
00:14:10,488 --> 00:14:12,094
Is that what love is?
386
00:14:12,094 --> 00:14:14,180
Why is love so painful?
387
00:14:14,180 --> 00:14:16,528
I like it.
388
00:14:16,528 --> 00:14:18,049
You like El DeBarge?
389
00:14:18,049 --> 00:14:20,745
My cousin's husband
sold him an aquarium.
390
00:14:20,745 --> 00:14:23,526
We go backstage all the time.
391
00:14:23,526 --> 00:14:26,309
J-- just get back to what
you were saying, though.
392
00:14:26,309 --> 00:14:28,351
We could take you the
next time he's in town.
393
00:14:28,351 --> 00:14:30,699
Bargey would love you!
394
00:14:30,699 --> 00:14:32,698
Chris is the best brother
in the world, and y'all will
395
00:14:32,698 --> 00:14:34,262
have a good life together.
396
00:14:34,262 --> 00:14:35,392
No, I suck.
397
00:14:35,478 --> 00:14:36,479
Tell her!
398
00:14:36,565 --> 00:14:38,349
Ugh, and he's so modest.
399
00:14:38,349 --> 00:14:39,347
He can cook.
400
00:14:39,433 --> 00:14:40,870
He can sing.
401
00:14:40,956 --> 00:14:42,131
He can watch "Land Before Time"
without crying.
402
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,000
He's a stronger man than me.
403
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,652
Chris is perfect.
404
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:50,263
I'm so excited for you,
for us, to be a family.
405
00:14:50,263 --> 00:14:53,741
When is
El DeBarge next in town?
406
00:14:53,741 --> 00:14:56,522
I can't believe you sold me
out for a light-skinned dude.
407
00:14:56,522 --> 00:14:58,173
I can.
408
00:14:58,259 --> 00:14:59,783
She missed me hosting
the Oscars to watch
409
00:14:59,783 --> 00:15:01,434
a Golden State Warriors game.
410
00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:05,392
We had a deal!
411
00:15:05,392 --> 00:15:07,697
Well, your future
mother-in-law had a better one.
412
00:15:07,697 --> 00:15:10,045
Family conga!
413
00:15:10,045 --> 00:15:12,088
Ah!
414
00:15:12,088 --> 00:15:15,176
We feel the same way your
sister does about you, Chris.
415
00:15:15,176 --> 00:15:16,219
Uh--
416
00:15:16,305 --> 00:15:17,872
Yeah!
417
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:18,654
There's no way we're
going to let you go.
418
00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:19,741
No, sir!
419
00:15:19,827 --> 00:15:22,700
OK, Chris, your turn to lead.
420
00:15:23,872 --> 00:15:24,786
- Oof!
- Oh, boy!
421
00:15:24,873 --> 00:15:26,004
I can't do this.
422
00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:29,398
Can I talk to you for a sec?
423
00:15:29,398 --> 00:15:31,179
I haven't been honest with you.
424
00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:32,876
You don't love the conga?
425
00:15:32,962 --> 00:15:34,703
No, I--
I actually do like it.
426
00:15:34,789 --> 00:15:37,052
But I lied to you
about a lot of things.
427
00:15:37,138 --> 00:15:40,010
Uh, I never listened to
your country music mixtape.
428
00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:42,228
I taped over it
with 2 Live Crew.
429
00:15:42,314 --> 00:15:44,098
I actually have hit
my growth spurt,
430
00:15:44,184 --> 00:15:45,925
and this is as tall
as I'm getting.
431
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:48,057
I think "Pinocchio" is creepy.
432
00:15:48,143 --> 00:15:50,232
Why did Geppetto want
to make a little boy?
433
00:15:50,318 --> 00:15:51,798
What's that about?
And "Bewitched"?
434
00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:52,841
Be-terrible!
435
00:15:54,712 --> 00:15:57,932
I hated being the bad guy,
but at least I was free.
436
00:15:58,018 --> 00:15:59,759
I'm sorry I lied.
437
00:15:59,845 --> 00:16:02,718
No, I'm sorry you felt you
had to lie to impress me.
438
00:16:02,804 --> 00:16:04,936
No guy has ever cared about
me enough to be honest.
439
00:16:05,023 --> 00:16:06,459
What?
440
00:16:06,545 --> 00:16:07,982
We don't have to
agree on everything.
441
00:16:08,069 --> 00:16:10,375
That's what keeps
a relationship spicy.
442
00:16:10,462 --> 00:16:12,639
So you don't want
to break up with me?
443
00:16:12,725 --> 00:16:14,378
No way.
444
00:16:14,465 --> 00:16:16,032
I feel closer to you than ever.
445
00:16:16,119 --> 00:16:19,166
In fact,
tonight I want to...
446
00:16:21,210 --> 00:16:25,084
The truth was about
to set my virginity free.
447
00:16:25,171 --> 00:16:27,086
Now it's 5-3, New York.
448
00:16:27,173 --> 00:16:28,478
Julius,
this has been great,
449
00:16:28,565 --> 00:16:30,524
but I should probably
skedaddle.
450
00:16:30,611 --> 00:16:32,265
You just got here!
451
00:16:32,352 --> 00:16:34,093
Well, I have a full day
of appointments tomorrow.
452
00:16:34,181 --> 00:16:36,009
I'm seeing patients
back to back.
453
00:16:37,445 --> 00:16:39,665
Ha, ha, ha.
Chiropractor joke.
454
00:16:39,753 --> 00:16:41,058
Good one.
455
00:16:41,145 --> 00:16:42,625
Why don't we go get some
snacks for the road?
456
00:16:42,712 --> 00:16:44,453
Eh, I'm not really hungry.
457
00:16:44,541 --> 00:16:46,282
Come on!
458
00:16:46,369 --> 00:16:47,936
They're having a big sale
down at the corner store.
459
00:16:48,024 --> 00:16:49,416
Oh, I hate sales.
460
00:16:49,503 --> 00:16:50,896
They're so crowded.
461
00:16:50,984 --> 00:16:52,159
I like paying more
than retail price.
462
00:16:52,246 --> 00:16:53,813
That way--
463
00:16:53,901 --> 00:16:55,076
Just come to the
goddamn store with me!
464
00:16:55,163 --> 00:16:57,165
Uh, OK.
465
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,521
Drew?
466
00:17:02,609 --> 00:17:03,872
Apparently it's Andrew.
467
00:17:03,959 --> 00:17:05,874
And let me guess.
468
00:17:05,963 --> 00:17:07,486
You're going to say you lied
because you love me, right?
469
00:17:07,573 --> 00:17:09,706
Drew,
this lie wasn't for you.
470
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,622
It was for your father.
471
00:17:11,711 --> 00:17:14,104
He was driving like a madman
trying to make it to see Jackie
472
00:17:14,193 --> 00:17:17,066
Robinson between his jobs.
473
00:17:17,155 --> 00:17:19,984
I'm not going to make it!
474
00:17:24,429 --> 00:17:27,998
That was my one
chance to meet Jackie.
475
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:31,091
I know you didn't get
a chance to meet your hero,
476
00:17:31,181 --> 00:17:33,270
but guess who did.
477
00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:35,274
Your father worked so hard.
478
00:17:35,362 --> 00:17:38,365
I wanted to give him
a win, so I lied.
479
00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:40,152
Mwah!
480
00:17:40,241 --> 00:17:41,939
My hero held my son.
481
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:44,638
I'm the man
who picked up the boy who got
482
00:17:44,727 --> 00:17:46,337
picked up by Jackie Robinson!
483
00:17:46,426 --> 00:17:47,427
Yep!
484
00:17:47,515 --> 00:17:48,865
And guess what.
485
00:17:48,953 --> 00:17:50,345
The boy who got
picked up pooped up,
486
00:17:50,433 --> 00:17:51,783
so you get to change
that same baby too.
487
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:55,920
But you still
lied to me and Dad.
488
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:57,445
Don't you feel bad about that?
489
00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:59,058
I lie to all of you.
490
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:01,975
That's just called being
a good wife and mother.
491
00:18:02,064 --> 00:18:03,326
But I thought
you were the person
492
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,025
who always told me the truth.
493
00:18:05,113 --> 00:18:06,941
Look, Drew,
I'll never lie to hurt you,
494
00:18:07,030 --> 00:18:08,640
but I will to protect you.
495
00:18:08,728 --> 00:18:10,818
It's what you do for
someone you love.
496
00:18:10,907 --> 00:18:13,997
Maybe that's what you do.
497
00:18:21,753 --> 00:18:24,756
Welcome to Jackie Robinson
Day at Doc's Corner Store.
498
00:18:24,846 --> 00:18:28,980
He broke the color barrier, and
I'm breaking the price barrier.
499
00:18:29,071 --> 00:18:31,160
Well, what on Earth
is going on here?
500
00:18:31,249 --> 00:18:33,034
It looks like they're
celebrating Jackie.
501
00:18:33,122 --> 00:18:34,036
Oh!
502
00:18:34,124 --> 00:18:35,647
I forgot.
503
00:18:35,736 --> 00:18:37,433
Drew is going to give
a speech for this.
504
00:18:37,521 --> 00:18:40,611
So glad you suggested
we go to the store.
505
00:18:40,701 --> 00:18:42,486
Time for the main event.
506
00:18:42,575 --> 00:18:45,883
Please welcome
the boy who got picked up.
507
00:18:45,973 --> 00:18:47,888
all: Drew! Drew! Drew!
508
00:18:47,976 --> 00:18:50,456
Drew! Drew! Drew! Drew!
Drew! Drew!
509
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,244
Hi.
510
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,769
I'm here to tell you
the truth about the time
511
00:18:54,858 --> 00:18:57,469
Jackie Robinson was here.
512
00:19:00,216 --> 00:19:02,610
The day, overcast.
513
00:19:02,699 --> 00:19:05,615
You could smell
the coming rain.
514
00:19:05,705 --> 00:19:08,751
The clouds were thick,
but the crowd was thicker.
515
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:14,411
The sun bathed me in light, and
Jackie Robinson picked me up.
516
00:19:14,503 --> 00:19:15,809
All right, Drew.
517
00:19:15,898 --> 00:19:16,812
That's right. My man.
518
00:19:16,899 --> 00:19:18,596
My man.
519
00:19:18,685 --> 00:19:20,209
He picked him up.
520
00:19:20,297 --> 00:19:21,385
That's my boy.
521
00:19:21,473 --> 00:19:22,953
My boy.
522
00:19:23,042 --> 00:19:24,565
Must feel good
to be the father
523
00:19:24,653 --> 00:19:25,959
of the boy who got picked up.
524
00:19:26,047 --> 00:19:27,962
You made him out of you.
525
00:19:28,051 --> 00:19:29,530
I did.
526
00:19:29,618 --> 00:19:32,273
Wow, Louis, that sounds
like a once-in-a-lifetime,
527
00:19:32,363 --> 00:19:34,278
unrepeatable event that you
probably wish you
528
00:19:34,367 --> 00:19:35,934
experienced, huh?
529
00:19:36,022 --> 00:19:39,939
I don't think anything
could ever one-up that.
530
00:19:42,904 --> 00:19:46,256
Who wants
a free medical massage?
531
00:19:46,346 --> 00:19:48,696
They call me Backie Robinson.
532
00:19:48,785 --> 00:19:51,179
D-- Dr. Backie Robinson.
533
00:19:51,268 --> 00:19:52,225
No one.
534
00:19:52,313 --> 00:19:53,619
That's weird.
535
00:19:53,707 --> 00:19:55,535
My father
got two wins that day,
536
00:19:55,624 --> 00:19:59,280
one-upping his brother and
saving 42 cents on a bottle
537
00:19:59,370 --> 00:20:01,589
of Jackie Robitussin.
538
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:04,942
I'm so proud of you, but your
blue shirt is embarrassing.
539
00:20:05,033 --> 00:20:05,990
Thank you.
540
00:20:06,078 --> 00:20:07,210
You look tired today.
541
00:20:07,298 --> 00:20:11,258
Remember,
it's OK to lie sometimes.
542
00:20:11,349 --> 00:20:13,525
I'm so glad you
brought me here, Chris.
543
00:20:13,614 --> 00:20:15,268
Yeah, me too--
544
00:20:15,356 --> 00:20:17,750
uh... girl.
545
00:20:17,839 --> 00:20:19,928
And tonight's
going to be amazing.
546
00:20:20,017 --> 00:20:21,497
I'm so glad you
were honest with me.
547
00:20:21,585 --> 00:20:23,152
Actually, me too.
548
00:20:23,241 --> 00:20:25,069
As long as we're
honest with each other,
549
00:20:25,158 --> 00:20:27,334
we can get through anything.
550
00:20:27,423 --> 00:20:28,380
OK.
551
00:20:28,467 --> 00:20:29,381
Well, then--
552
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,171
I don't know your name.
553
00:20:33,260 --> 00:20:34,304
What?
554
00:20:34,392 --> 00:20:35,915
I know, right?
555
00:20:36,003 --> 00:20:37,701
But you met my family.
556
00:20:37,790 --> 00:20:40,706
And they didn't call
you by your name one time.
557
00:20:40,795 --> 00:20:41,970
It was crazy.
558
00:20:42,058 --> 00:20:44,539
I let you touch my tatas.
559
00:20:44,628 --> 00:20:46,151
And I didn't want
to go any further
560
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:47,372
without telling you the truth.
561
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:48,417
Wow.
562
00:20:48,505 --> 00:20:49,767
This feels good.
563
00:20:49,855 --> 00:20:51,292
Well, how does this feel?
564
00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:52,642
Ooh!
565
00:20:55,083 --> 00:20:56,345
Oh my god, dude.
566
00:20:56,433 --> 00:20:58,870
She touched our balls!
567
00:20:58,959 --> 00:21:03,312
♪ Everybody
still hates Chris ♪
568
00:21:34,678 --> 00:21:37,115
♪ MTV ♪
38580
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