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1
00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:10,532
Halloween on my block
was dope.
2
00:00:10,619 --> 00:00:12,969
It was the only
time you could wear a mask
3
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,145
without white people thinking
you were gonna rob 'em.
4
00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:17,582
And people went all out.
5
00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:19,541
The dude in the Reagan mask
6
00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:22,805
won the scariest-costume
contest three years in a row.
7
00:00:22,892 --> 00:00:25,112
No!
8
00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:28,071
Even businesses
went hard for Halloween.
9
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:30,334
$1, $1 will get you one
small pumpkin.
10
00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:32,380
$5, $5, that'll get you
5 pumpkins.
11
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,338
Now, that's math.
12
00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:37,298
But every Halloween, I got
stuck doing Halloween chores.
13
00:00:38,777 --> 00:00:40,475
By the way,
those are real cobwebs
14
00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:42,129
we took off my dad's wallet.
15
00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:45,697
Hey, Mr. Omar.
16
00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:47,438
Is that what you look like
without makeup?
17
00:00:47,525 --> 00:00:48,874
I don't wear makeup.
18
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:50,789
Maybe a little corpse blush.
19
00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,443
But don't tell Widow Jarvis--
20
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:53,836
I mean, Jackson.
21
00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:55,968
]
Baby, why don't
22
00:00:56,056 --> 00:01:00,669
you go upstairs and dry your
pretty eyes on my silk sheets?
23
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,192
Well, Happy Halloween,
I guess.
24
00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:04,020
Wait!
25
00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:06,283
I made you guys some of my
world-famous pumpkin soup.
26
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:10,157
What is that?
$13.63 worth of soup?
27
00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:11,636
Get in here!
28
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:14,900
I just love Halloween--
the costumes,
29
00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:18,121
the sweets,
the worshipping of dead bodies.
30
00:01:18,208 --> 00:01:20,254
How are you celebrating?
- We're not.
31
00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:22,256
My boss is throwing
a Halloween party
32
00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:23,996
and expects everyone
to be there.
33
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:27,957
And what are you kids doing
on this All Hallows' Eve?
34
00:01:28,044 --> 00:01:29,698
Being forced into eating
candy to look for glass,
35
00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,613
razors, or needles.
36
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:34,094
I'm basically a crash test
dummy for my lovely siblings.
37
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:35,704
I'm just chilling
this year, too.
38
00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,314
So many girls want to
hang out with me.
39
00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:38,750
I don't know who to pick.
40
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:41,275
Player to player,
I understand.
41
00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:43,146
Who's gonna take
Miss Tonya trick-or-treating?
42
00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:44,887
I'm almost a grown woman.
43
00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:46,889
What I look like begging
people for candy?
44
00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,891
Too old for
trick-or-treating?
45
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,372
Y'all lost
your Halloween spirit.
46
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,113
Tragic. Tragic.
47
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,984
Hey, wait a sec.
48
00:01:55,071 --> 00:01:57,726
You guys are going out, and
Drew and Tonya are staying in?
49
00:01:57,813 --> 00:01:59,641
Does this mean I get
to do my own thing?
50
00:01:59,728 --> 00:02:01,860
Well, as long as you don't
bring home no ghost babies,
51
00:02:01,947 --> 00:02:04,689
no zombie babies, no baby
babies, no Franken-babies.
52
00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:06,430
This is gonna be
the best night of my life.
53
00:02:07,953 --> 00:02:10,217
Starting now.
54
00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:15,483
Aw, man!
55
00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:16,875
This is not fair.
56
00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:18,355
Why do you get to
be Batman,
57
00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:19,835
and I have to be
the Boy Wonder?
58
00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:21,967
It's called
reparations, baby!
59
00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:25,101
I can't believe I get to do
my own thing this year.
60
00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:26,276
Should I go to
the Deadly DJ Jam?
61
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:27,625
Eh.
62
00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:29,323
What about Nessa's
scary hair show?
63
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:31,368
There's gonna be
more women than men.
64
00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:32,935
Come with me
to my uncle's party.
65
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,806
Last year, a couple
of his coworkers
66
00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:36,765
wore super-hot costumes.
67
00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:39,420
Who knew ET had
so much junk in the trunk?
68
00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:41,030
They better not be
69
00:02:41,117 --> 00:02:43,772
out of size-zero Sheila E.
costumes up in here,
70
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,078
or somebody gon' get hurt.
71
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,254
Oh, Tasha's coming this way.
72
00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:49,125
Get out of here.
- Oh!
73
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:50,648
- Hey, Chris.
- Oh.
74
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:51,736
Hey, Tasha.
75
00:02:51,823 --> 00:02:52,955
Cool Batman outfit.
76
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,348
I was hoping to run into you.
77
00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:55,653
Oh, yeah.
78
00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:58,569
I'd love it if you'd be
my special guest tonight.
79
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,137
Hallow-clean,
an all-night church lock-in.
80
00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:02,399
It'll be fun.
81
00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:04,271
Pray on it.
82
00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:06,360
Chris, you're so in there.
83
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:07,883
No, I'm not.
84
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:09,928
She just invited me to church.
85
00:03:10,015 --> 00:03:11,539
She asked you to spend
the night with her.
86
00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,280
Yeah, at church.
87
00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:15,412
She just wants a church man.
88
00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:17,284
So go to church with her...
89
00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:18,807
man!
90
00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:20,591
All the other events
I was considering
91
00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:22,245
would have girls at them.
92
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:23,638
But if I went to church,
93
00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:25,509
it wouldn't be
with just any girl.
94
00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:27,294
It would be with "the" girl.
95
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,686
Hi.
96
00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:30,427
Is that the last
Sheila E. size zero?
97
00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:31,646
Mm.
98
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,430
Tasha,
block that woman for Mommy!
99
00:03:42,613 --> 00:03:43,788
Hello, ma'am.
100
00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:46,008
May I speak to Vanessa, please?
101
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:47,662
Girl, you bored
at work again?
102
00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,577
You're using
your white-lady voice.
103
00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:51,143
Nessa, help me.
104
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,145
These people are phony freaks.
105
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,104
Hey, how's your day going?
106
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:56,758
Does it feel a tad warm?
107
00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:59,326
I'm worried Todd's
birthday cake will melt.
108
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:01,719
You go change
that thermostat, Martha.
109
00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:04,331
Oh, great idea.
I'm on it.
110
00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:06,071
God.
111
00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:07,682
They've been shoving
cake in your face
112
00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:09,814
for every occasion, huh?
113
00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:11,860
Birthdays,
anniversaries, power outages.
114
00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:13,731
White people
love cake, child.
115
00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:15,429
It's their collard greens.
116
00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:16,517
Ah, damn it!
117
00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:18,606
I missed
Risky's Trunkin' Patch.
118
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:21,435
Girl, he had a pumpkin that
looked exactly like Lou Rawls,
119
00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:22,697
forehead and all.
120
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:24,351
We took Polaroids with it.
121
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,788
I take my kids
to Risky's every year.
122
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,180
It's tradition.
123
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,095
Ain't nobody getting
in the way of me
124
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,184
spending time with my family.
125
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,752
I don't need this!
My man has two jobs!
126
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,624
Ooh, yes!
127
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:39,104
Whoo-hoo!
Tim finally laid me off!
128
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:41,237
I'm free!
129
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:42,978
Suck it, Corporate America.
130
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:44,022
Poor Chuck.
131
00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:46,024
You mean rich Chuck.
132
00:04:46,111 --> 00:04:49,289
The company gives out big, fat
severance packages for anyone
133
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:50,638
lucky enough to be laid off.
134
00:04:50,725 --> 00:04:51,987
Big, fat what now?
135
00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:55,164
What?
They pay you not to work?
136
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:59,342
If anyone at my job gets laid
off for a non-fireable offense,
137
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:02,127
they get a lump sum
of money plus benefits.
138
00:05:02,214 --> 00:05:04,565
- But how?
- You can't do nothing crazy.
139
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,741
You just have to be
so annoying,
140
00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:07,959
they ask you to leave.
141
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,526
It worked for Chuck.
142
00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:11,485
That man ate tuna for lunch
every day for months.
143
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,225
His tuna funk lives in infamy.
144
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,836
Are you sure
severance isn't just
145
00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:16,446
an urban legend,
146
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,666
like Bigfoot or Black people
living in Switzerland?
147
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:20,145
Baby, it's real.
148
00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:21,886
I've seen it
with my own two eyes.
149
00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:24,672
So will you make me
the happiest woman in the world
150
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,587
and spend the rest of our
Halloween annoying the hell
151
00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:28,937
out of my boss?
- Yes. Yes.
152
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,506
A million times, yes.
153
00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:35,204
In the '80s,
behind-the-scenes footage
154
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,598
took all the fear
out of scary movies.
155
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:41,428
You know, eating soup just
fuels the creative process.
156
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:44,866
Of course, Drew and Tonya
lost their Halloween spirit.
157
00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:49,958
- Trick or--
- Trick or treat, yeah, yeah.
158
00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:51,873
We get it.
Here you go.
159
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,092
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Little vultures!
160
00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:56,312
I want that one.
161
00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:57,879
At this rate, we'll have
no candy left for us.
162
00:05:57,966 --> 00:05:59,968
Wait.
163
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:01,317
Let's turn off all the lights
and pretend we're not here.
164
00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:03,363
Why would we do that?
165
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,930
So no one knocks on our
door and takes our candy.
166
00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:08,063
What are they teaching you
in that white school?
167
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:11,980
Oh...
168
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:15,070
We're not here!
169
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:17,594
I was about to spend
the night with Tasha,
170
00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,988
and I had the perfect costume.
171
00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:21,990
Damn, Bible fashion
for boys is very limited.
172
00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:24,514
It was either Moses
or the Burning Bush.
173
00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:26,298
Ooh-whee!
174
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,997
I'm flaming
for the Lord, y'all!
175
00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:32,000
Nice costume, Chris.
I love your broom-handle staff.
176
00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:36,744
Sons and daughters, may
I have your attention, please?
177
00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:39,834
My only begotten son Pharaoh
and I would like to welcome you
178
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,923
to our annual Hallow-clean,
179
00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:44,447
the event that puts God
where He belongs--
180
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:47,363
On a shiny pedestal--
181
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:51,759
And puts the devil
where he belongs.
182
00:06:51,846 --> 00:06:52,760
And where is that?
183
00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:54,022
In hell!
184
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:56,285
That's right.
185
00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:58,374
Now, I got to go out here and
throw blessed oil on any kid
186
00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:00,071
dressed like a vampire,
187
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:02,552
so my head of youth ministry
will take it from here.
188
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:03,640
Sister Johnson, if you would.
189
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,599
So happy to have you.
God bless ya.
190
00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:08,819
Hmm, thank you, Pastor Percy.
191
00:07:08,906 --> 00:07:11,300
Follow me, little ones.
192
00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:15,130
Moses coming through.
Let's part this sea of butts.
193
00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:16,958
Hey!
194
00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:18,350
For some reason,
they put an old lady
195
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,222
with cataracts in charge.
196
00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:23,355
That was like
the blind leading the fine.
197
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,402
Now, let's listen
to some Jesus jams
198
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:29,623
on my favorite AM gospel radio
199
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:32,495
as I lock us in.
200
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,584
Guess we're gonna be
trapped in here together.
201
00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:36,934
I'm so happy you were
able to make it tonight.
202
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:38,545
Young ladies,
get on the other side
203
00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:40,721
of that big partition
out of the sight
204
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:43,288
of these impressionable
young mens.
205
00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:45,116
Wait, what's happening?
206
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:47,205
I knew we had to leave
room for the Holy Ghost
207
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:49,599
but not leave the actual room!
208
00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,519
So do you think we
look inappropriate enough
209
00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,652
for me to get laid off?
210
00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:01,742
They're gonna do
more than lay me off.
211
00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:04,962
What fair middle-aged wench
made this cake?
212
00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:07,182
I must bed her immediately.
213
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:08,444
Come on, Conan.
214
00:08:08,531 --> 00:08:11,578
Let's get me some severance.
215
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,493
Thank you all
for coming tonight.
216
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,930
Martha made
a beautiful graveyard cake.
217
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,802
So please eat,
drink, and be scary.
218
00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:22,371
Yeah, I can tell
it's a graveyard cake.
219
00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:24,939
Looks dead on arrival.
220
00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:33,817
- Whoops!
- My cake!
221
00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:34,905
Sorry.
222
00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:35,993
- That's mine!
- My fault.
223
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,865
Aw, man.
224
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,304
Oof!
Ah!
225
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:43,653
Hot, hot, hot.
226
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:46,656
Uh-oh!
She spat all over the cake!
227
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:49,006
Oh, dear.
Let me clean that up.
228
00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:50,181
Whoa!
229
00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:59,321
I got lost
in Sodom and Gomorrah again?
230
00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:01,018
What will I ever do here?
231
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:06,807
♪ Many sons
had Father Abraham ♪
232
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,678
♪ I am one of them ♪
233
00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:10,158
♪ And so are you ♪
234
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,508
♪ So let's just
praise the Lord ♪
235
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,205
Right arm!
236
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:17,687
Singing songs was
ironically my idea of hell.
237
00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:21,430
Then I noticed Sister Johnson
fell asleep or maybe died.
238
00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:23,780
Either way, I was free.
239
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:25,956
Where do you think
you're going, sinner?
240
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:28,263
Are you serious?
The old lady's asleep.
241
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:29,830
We're unsupervised.
242
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:31,875
This is what we all
been waiting for.
243
00:09:31,962 --> 00:09:34,399
- We got to save his soul.
- No! Never!
244
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,406
This is boring.
245
00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:43,365
Let's watch something else.
246
00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,453
You will--
247
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,411
Definitely die--
248
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,936
Tonight.
249
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:52,417
That wasn't a coincidence.
250
00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:56,596
H-h-hello?
251
00:09:58,293 --> 00:09:59,599
Hello?
252
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:03,254
Who was that?
253
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,256
Probably just a girl
wanting to hear
254
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:08,085
the sound of my pretty voice.
255
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:09,826
Girl, stop calling here.
Drew's not gonna pick you.
256
00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:17,007
Uh, I think one of your
admirers got emphysema.
257
00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:20,184
The next time the phone rings,
I ain't getting it.
258
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:24,928
It's probably one
of those girls climbing
259
00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:27,148
the roof to peeping Tom on me.
260
00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:29,454
Must have kicked the antenna.
261
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,369
That's OK.
262
00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:34,634
I like watching static.
263
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:39,943
Lord, bind that horny demon!
264
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:42,642
I rebuke the spirit of lust!
265
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,165
Get off me!
266
00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:46,167
And, Lord,
please teach Chris
267
00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:47,908
how to enjoy being
with the opposite sex
268
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:50,606
without trying to get him some.
269
00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:53,391
Enough!
270
00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:55,567
Even the shepherd needs
a break from his sheep.
271
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,439
Can I get an amen?
- No.
272
00:10:57,526 --> 00:10:59,006
Come on.
273
00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:01,312
Don't you want to go
to the promised land?
274
00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:04,533
I said, can I get an amen?
275
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:05,926
We're gonna be adults soon,
276
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:08,493
working a double shift
on Halloween.
277
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:11,453
So tonight damn the rules.
278
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,324
Damn the regulations.
279
00:11:13,411 --> 00:11:15,849
Let's do what kids are
supposed to do, my brothers.
280
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:19,417
Can I get an amen?
281
00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:21,158
Amen!
282
00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:23,639
Come on, Pharaoh,
you know you want to.
283
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,336
Amen!
284
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:27,469
And God said,
285
00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:30,690
let my people go!
286
00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:33,040
Part-ay!
287
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:37,218
Welcome to the land
of milk and honeys.
288
00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:43,790
That's not the first
time Moses tricked Pharaoh.
289
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,445
Ah, Julius.
290
00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:49,360
This is taking too long.
291
00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:52,712
I'm running out of ways
to annoy white people.
292
00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,931
Why is that? You're an expert
at annoying Black people.
293
00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:57,455
Oh, I was just playing.
294
00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:58,674
Tim! Tim!
295
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,850
Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim!
296
00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:03,244
Tim! Tim!
Tim! Tim!
297
00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:05,463
Jackpot.
Tim!
298
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:07,988
Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim!
299
00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:11,034
Hey, sweet cheeks.
300
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:13,080
Great party.
- "Sweet cheeks"?
301
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:14,646
Yes!
302
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,432
My Booty Blaster 3000
is paying off!
303
00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:18,738
What the hell?
304
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,827
Well, it was the '80s,
after all.
305
00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:23,786
Today if a doctor slaps
a newborn baby on the butt,
306
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:26,223
the baby hires a lawyer.
307
00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:30,532
Tasha, what's wrong?
308
00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:32,360
It feels weird
to dance in church.
309
00:12:32,447 --> 00:12:34,362
Do you think things
are getting a little crazy?
310
00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:36,843
No. Everyone's just
having a good time.
311
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:38,932
Who wants to do
something crazy?
312
00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:41,412
Let's drink soda!
313
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:43,588
Soda?
Sugar's not allowed.
314
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,503
What's happening?
315
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:48,419
What's happening is people
are having fun at church.
316
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:49,464
Ahh.
317
00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:52,684
I love this church!
318
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,599
You have nothing
to worry about, Tash.
319
00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:56,776
It's gonna make more
kids want to come here.
320
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,039
I sure have the spirit in me.
321
00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:03,130
Whoa, slow down.
- I was--I was just--
322
00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:06,133
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
323
00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:11,399
I'm so glad we stayed in.
324
00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:14,271
It's been a calm,
perfectly normal night.
325
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:16,796
Yep. Unexplainable things
happen every day.
326
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:19,015
We're just programmed to think
when they happen on Halloween,
327
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:21,104
it must be something
supernatural.
328
00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:22,410
Scary!
329
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:24,586
The problem is,
330
00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:26,936
Daddy always be buying
these wack electronics.
331
00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:30,026
Yeah. Instead of a Panasonic,
he got us a Pain-o-sonic.
332
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:38,165
They're always trimming trees
on Halloween at 10:00 p.m.
333
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,476
The night was going well,
334
00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:48,001
so I decided
to take a leap of faith
335
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:51,787
and do something nerds like me
only dreamed about.
336
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:54,268
Hey, everybody, want to play
seven minutes in heaven?
337
00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,487
Is that the game where you're
forced to be in the closet?
338
00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:57,445
I pass.
339
00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:58,925
Come on.
340
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:00,622
It's called seven minutes
in heaven.
341
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:03,668
It was probably invented
in a church.
342
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:05,148
OK, everybody.
343
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:06,846
Write your name
on a piece of paper.
344
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,500
And when you're done,
give it to me.
345
00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:11,415
Stained-glass window Jesus,
346
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:13,374
please let me end up
in the closet with Tasha.
347
00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:15,550
Amen.
348
00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:17,160
No need to pick
a name, Chris.
349
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,119
I choose you.
- Whoa.
350
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:20,816
No wonder people love You.
351
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:23,427
Go get thy some, Chris.
352
00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:26,735
Ooh! Yeah.
353
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:28,780
Mm!
- Ugh!
354
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,001
It still smells like
Chuck's funky tuna around here.
355
00:14:32,088 --> 00:14:33,829
I'll never be as bad as him.
356
00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:36,440
Come on, baby, let's go home.
357
00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:39,661
I just really wanted
to lose this job, Julius.
358
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:41,750
I guess I'm not
annoying enough.
359
00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:43,317
Baby, don't say that.
360
00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:46,015
I'm letting us all down!
361
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,408
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
362
00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:49,236
Come here.
363
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:51,107
I've had so much fun
with you tonight.
364
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:54,328
I appreciate all you do
to make our family better.
365
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,289
Ow!
366
00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:00,290
Oh, my goodness.
- Oh, baby.
367
00:15:00,377 --> 00:15:01,857
Oh, baby. Oh.
368
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:03,859
Oh, God, you're so sexy.
369
00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:08,864
Those floppies had
our biggest account on them.
370
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:12,433
Rochelle, my office, now.
371
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:22,356
This was it, the moment
that was gonna turn this
372
00:15:22,443 --> 00:15:24,662
into the best Halloween
of my life.
373
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:26,795
Oh, man.
374
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,710
I just love the Bible.
375
00:15:28,797 --> 00:15:30,320
What's that verse about being
fruitful and multiplying?
376
00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:31,974
As if, Chris!
377
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,281
Ow! Why?
378
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:39,590
Sir, there is no excuse
for my behavior.
379
00:15:39,677 --> 00:15:42,463
The risqué costume,
racing office chairs,
380
00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:46,771
ruining cake, making out
all over the office.
381
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,599
Ah-bup-bup, shh.
382
00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:51,124
I understand.
You have to lay me off.
383
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:53,126
I'll go box up my things.
384
00:15:53,213 --> 00:15:54,649
Oh, no.
385
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:56,520
You're not laid off.
386
00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,131
On the contrary,
you're the type of employee
387
00:15:58,218 --> 00:15:59,523
we need around here!
388
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:01,308
Are you drunk
on dreamsicle punch?
389
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,701
Corporate life can be
stagnant and predictable,
390
00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:06,226
but you found a way
to shake things up.
391
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:07,792
Thank you.
392
00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:09,838
What about those
important floppies
393
00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:12,841
I destroyed while I was making
out with Conan out there?
394
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:14,974
Nothing is more important
than witnessing
395
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,888
Black love on display.
396
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,240
Hell, "Mahogany"
is my favorite movie.
397
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:23,634
Well, how'd it go?
398
00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:25,506
How much severance
did you get us?
399
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:27,551
Can we send our favorite kid
to college?
400
00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:29,466
He promoted me.
401
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,381
- What?
- Oh, yeah.
402
00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:34,254
He hates spending money
on severance packages.
403
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:35,820
That's why
it's nearly impossible
404
00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:37,257
to get laid off around here.
405
00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:40,216
It took Chuck
five long, annoying,
406
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:42,827
tuna-filled years
to get him to cave.
407
00:16:42,914 --> 00:16:44,307
Just give up.
408
00:16:44,394 --> 00:16:47,528
Oh, he's playing with me.
409
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:51,749
He has no idea
who he's messing with.
410
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,796
Is this a game to you?
411
00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:56,624
Has this been your plan
all along?
412
00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:58,234
You brought me in here.
413
00:16:58,321 --> 00:16:59,627
I brought you in here
414
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,281
to talk about how this party
is getting crazy.
415
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:02,891
You're getting crazy!
416
00:17:02,978 --> 00:17:04,501
I thought this
is what you wanted.
417
00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:05,894
You wanted a church guy.
418
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:08,244
We're at church.
I'm a guy.
419
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:11,030
I made this fun.
What else do you need me to do?
420
00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,206
Lead people through
the desert for 30 years?
421
00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:15,730
It's 40 years, Chris, 40.
422
00:17:15,817 --> 00:17:17,732
I'm just trying
to make an effort...
423
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:19,821
for you.
424
00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:21,214
Maybe I pushed the
church thing a little too hard.
425
00:17:21,301 --> 00:17:22,780
My mom's an ex-stripper.
426
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,434
I don't even know
who my dad is.
427
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,958
And I get bullied at school
for not liking Prince.
428
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,830
This church is what
I need right now.
429
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:30,745
I don't want anything
to jeopardize
430
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:32,225
my relationship with God.
431
00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:34,662
I just need you
to be my friend.
432
00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:39,275
I'd be happy
to be your friend.
433
00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:42,235
Thanks.
I'll see you back out there.
434
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,629
You better
not be telling anyone
435
00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,153
you were touching my booty
in here.
436
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:54,551
Thanks a lot.
437
00:17:54,638 --> 00:17:56,118
I'm sorry, Chris.
438
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,642
Are you feeling sad?
A little uncomfortable, even?
439
00:17:58,729 --> 00:18:00,470
The kind of uncomfortable
440
00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:02,994
when you're nailed
to a wooden cross?
441
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,606
Chris,
by the way, as your friend,
442
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:07,738
I advise you to go talk to her.
443
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,392
The chick
in the Bathsheba costume?
444
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:10,654
Why?
445
00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:12,961
Trust me.
I put in a good word.
446
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:20,186
It was actually cool
having a female friend.
447
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:22,057
They're like male friends,
448
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:25,321
only you can occasionally
stare at their asses.
449
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:34,504
What's happening?
450
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:37,159
Maybe Dad forgot
to pay the gravity bill.
451
00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:40,249
This should be happening
to Chris.
452
00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,556
We got to get to a grown-up.
453
00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:46,864
Mr. Omar!
454
00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:48,562
both: Mr. Omar!
455
00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:51,652
Mr. Omar, let us in!
456
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,744
Mr. Omar?
457
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,182
- Boo!
- Aah!
458
00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:01,879
Don't you dare
touch his pretty face!
459
00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:03,185
Die, ghoul!
- Ow!
460
00:19:03,272 --> 00:19:04,882
Mr. Omar?
461
00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:07,189
You saved my life
and my face.
462
00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:08,582
What is wrong with you?
463
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:11,715
This is the same costume
I was wearing earlier.
464
00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:14,240
Stabbing me with my own fork?
465
00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:15,676
That's cold.
466
00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:17,634
I'm sorry, Mr. Omar.
467
00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:19,070
But what the hell's
wrong with you?
468
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,985
Aah!
469
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:23,336
I just wanted to get you two
to believe in the magic
470
00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:24,989
of the season again.
471
00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:28,123
Well, good job scaring
two children half to death.
472
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,125
I'll admit, you had us
473
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,953
with the heavy-breathing
phone calls,
474
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:34,477
the TV cutting off,
the chain saw sounds.
475
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:36,740
And don't forget
the windows opening and closing
476
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,046
and those scary moans.
477
00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:39,743
How'd you do all that?
478
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:42,398
What?
What are you talking about?
479
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:45,314
I just threw a few fake spiders
on your doorstep
480
00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:46,707
and put on this costume.
481
00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:48,709
I didn't do the other stuff.
482
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:51,538
I truly believe
that my family's brownstone
483
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,801
was haunted
by the dead husbands
484
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:57,108
of the widows Mr. Omar
hooked up with over the years.
485
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,067
If those guys ever catch
Mr. Omar
486
00:19:59,154 --> 00:20:00,590
near the pearly gates,
487
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,810
he's getting his ass beat.
488
00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:05,204
- Hey.
- Hey.
489
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:08,468
I just want you to know
you saved my night.
490
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:11,166
I thought it'd be boring,
but you made it fun.
491
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,255
- Ah, it was no big deal.
- Mm.
492
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:16,432
Happy Halloween to me.
493
00:20:21,437 --> 00:20:22,569
Kissing?
494
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:24,310
Unsanctioned snacks?
495
00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:26,137
FM radio?
496
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,139
Oh, Lord!
497
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:31,534
These children have turned
Your house into a den of sin!
498
00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:34,494
Pharaoh, did you allow this?
499
00:20:34,581 --> 00:20:37,236
Uh, as a responsible
youth leader
500
00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:39,977
and a respected member
of this church community,
501
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:43,067
I just want you to know,
Chris did it!
502
00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:44,939
Hey, come on, guys.
503
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:46,070
We had fun, right?
504
00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:48,072
- Stone him!
- Judas!
505
00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:50,466
Jeez, Jesus.
506
00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:52,033
You too?
507
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:55,341
Yes, for playing
East Coast rap in my house.
508
00:20:55,428 --> 00:20:58,822
Everyone knows I like NWA.
509
00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:05,133
singers: ♪ Everybody
still hates Chris ♪
510
00:21:35,816 --> 00:21:39,816
♪ MTV ♪
36121
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