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1
00:00:07,877 --> 00:00:10,097
The two most important rules
in my family
2
00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:13,056
were, never make eye contact
with a junkie
3
00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,754
and never wake my father
4
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:18,018
when he took his nap
between jobs.
5
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,674
We had to eat quietly.
6
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:28,680
We had to sneeze quietly.
7
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:31,553
We had to watch TV quietly.
8
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,077
At Insane Wayne's,
we're knocking out high prices
9
00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:35,426
with championship deals
10
00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:37,689
on all TV, stereos,
and video games!
11
00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:40,431
And this weekend only, we're
giving away free Nintendos
12
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,477
to whomever can beat
the brand-new video game
13
00:00:42,564 --> 00:00:44,174
"Mike Tyson's Punch-Out"!
14
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:47,047
That's right--beat the champ,
win a Nintendo!
15
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:51,094
With promotions like this,
I must be insane!
16
00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,837
Nintendo for free?
17
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,882
Whoo-hoo!
- Shh!
18
00:00:56,969 --> 00:00:59,233
Back then, a free Nintendo
was a really big deal.
19
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,104
- Shh.
- Shh.
20
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:04,020
Now they send me a Nintendo
every time I say Nintendo!
21
00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:10,896
I loved playing
"Mike Tyson's Punch-Out,"
22
00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:13,725
even though the point of the
game was for a small white boy
23
00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:16,250
to beat up
grown-ass minorities.
24
00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:17,686
Dang it, I lost.
25
00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:19,644
You almost got
to the end, though.
26
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:22,865
Man, Mike Tyson is the best--
the only dude from Bed-Stuy
27
00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:24,736
to ever punch his way
into being rich.
28
00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:27,087
And bite his way
back into being broke.
29
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,045
Move aside, Cassius Colored.
30
00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:31,003
Great, Caruso's here.
31
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,615
Hey, how'd you get
extra health?
32
00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:35,704
I got a cheat code.
33
00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,967
Isn't being white
already a cheat code?
34
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:40,143
Whoa, he's already
beaten the drunk Russian,
35
00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:43,277
the dancing Dominican, and the
sushi-loving Japanese boxer.
36
00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:45,105
Caruso enjoy beating up
37
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,629
on those ethnic stereotypes
so much,
38
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:49,674
you'd think he was the LAPD!
39
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,504
That's not fair.
You can't use a cheat code.
40
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,941
Well, you got two choices--
me using a cheat code
41
00:01:56,028 --> 00:01:58,466
or me using a beat code.
42
00:01:58,553 --> 00:02:00,424
I started to wonder,
what was the point
43
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:04,733
of even trying if someone
could so easily cheat to win?
44
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:07,823
But I realized people were
using all sorts of cheat codes
45
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,520
to make their lives easier.
46
00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:11,696
Risky, I-I need help.
47
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:14,482
My parole officer wants me
to take a drug test.
48
00:02:14,569 --> 00:02:19,051
Drug-free cup of pee,
10 bucks.
49
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,532
Risky, I've been dating
a guy for, like, a month,
50
00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:23,186
and I think he's the one.
51
00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:26,407
How do I get him to commit?
52
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:30,628
Positive pregnancy test,
20 bucks.
53
00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,674
Hey, Risky, do you know
where I could get
54
00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:35,372
a cheat code for,
uh, "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out"?
55
00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:39,376
For you, young blood,
I got the ultimate cheat code.
56
00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:42,466
This lets you skip to the
final round to fight "Tyson."
57
00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:47,732
♪ Ahh! ♪
58
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:50,126
Go straight
to the end of the game?
59
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:51,997
I don't know--that sounds
like a lot of cheating,
60
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:53,695
and I'm not a cheater.
61
00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:56,176
At that point
in my life, I wasn't.
62
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:59,831
Yeah, so? Here's your chance
to finally take a shortcut.
63
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:03,052
The only shortcuts are hard
work and determination, Chris.
64
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,359
That's as insane as me!
65
00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:08,579
Do you want
a free Nintendo or not?
66
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:11,452
- I'll take it.
- 10 bucks.
67
00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:12,931
See?
68
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,977
You don't even have money
to buy a cheat code.
69
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:17,066
Get a job.
70
00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:19,329
Um, can I put that
on layaway?
71
00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:21,723
You get the code
when I get $20.
72
00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:23,377
20?
You said 10.
73
00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:24,987
Well, now I know
you really need it.
74
00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:28,382
I'm going to tell Daddy
you're trying to steal money
75
00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:29,992
from the couch.
76
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:32,168
You trying
to buy a cheat code?
77
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,257
You'll never catch
me using one.
78
00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:36,259
They're for cheaters.
It says so right in the name.
79
00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,174
Hey, dum-dum, your face
is a cheat code.
80
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,480
She's right!
81
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:40,872
You fine, Drew!
82
00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:43,527
You can butter
my biscuits anytime!
83
00:03:43,614 --> 00:03:44,876
Shoo!
84
00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:47,488
Take your hormones elsewhere!
85
00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,881
Well, your cheat code is
always blaming stuff on Chris.
86
00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,796
- Is not.
- Is too.
87
00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:54,756
Daddy, Chris is making
me and Drew argue.
88
00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:57,149
Chris, don't make
your brother and sister fight.
89
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,674
Anybody seen
my work shirt?
90
00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,284
Big Man!
91
00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:04,026
Thank you for letting me
borrow your work shirt.
92
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:07,029
My Uncle Mike came to stay
with us while his bedroom
93
00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:09,249
was being fumigated.
94
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:12,121
While he had a pest problem,
we had an Uncle Mike problem.
95
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:15,080
But my mother always
defended her brother.
96
00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:16,865
Uncle Mike used
my yellow belt as a napkin
97
00:04:16,952 --> 00:04:18,693
and got Cheeto dust
all over it.
98
00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:21,043
Now you got an orange belt--
problem solved.
99
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,306
Uncle Mike used
my "Miami Vice" doll
100
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:26,396
as a bottle opener
and popped off Tubbs' head.
101
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:27,876
Then start liking
Sonny Crockett better--
102
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,704
problem solved.
103
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:31,488
Uncle Mike stole my kidney
while I was asleep!
104
00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:34,143
You still got another one--
problem solved.
105
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:36,363
I figured you was throwing
out your work shirt
106
00:04:36,450 --> 00:04:39,104
due to the mustard
I accidentally spilt on it.
107
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:41,455
By the way,
you're out of mustard.
108
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:42,891
You took my work shirt
109
00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:45,197
and spilled 3-cent worth
of mustard on it?
110
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,678
Julius, just wear
your old work shirt for today--
111
00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:48,984
problem solved.
112
00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:56,600
Chris, take Drew and Tonya
to get haircuts, now.
113
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,559
Whenever my mother
and father
114
00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:00,343
were going to do
some real yelling,
115
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:02,345
she'd send us out
to get haircuts.
116
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,739
In the spring of '85,
I was one argument away
117
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,001
from being bald.
118
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:08,308
Cheat code.
119
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:10,135
I'll take the kids.
120
00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:15,793
Damn it, Julius.
My brother is trying his best.
121
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,405
Can you just be nice?
- Mike doesn't deserve nice.
122
00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:20,450
He deserves a foot in his ass.
123
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:23,105
Oh-ho-ho,
I ain't taking sibling advice
124
00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:26,848
from a man who makes any excuse
to not talk to his own brother!
125
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,284
Me and Louis not talking
126
00:05:28,371 --> 00:05:30,373
is exactly what makes
our relationship work.
127
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:32,854
Julius, your brother's
on the phone.
128
00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:39,948
My brother means a lot to me.
129
00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:44,213
Can you please be cool
about this, for me?
130
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:47,564
Okay, I'll try.
131
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,479
You know, we're alone.
132
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,829
I got a little time
before my first job.
133
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,223
I'm already not wearing pants.
134
00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:57,922
Mm, sorry, I got to go clean
the bathroom.
135
00:05:58,009 --> 00:06:00,795
There's mustard everywhere.
136
00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:07,105
Hey, Manny, if I sweep up
all this hair,
137
00:06:07,192 --> 00:06:08,498
can you give me $20?
138
00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:10,631
You're already doing
it for free, dummy.
139
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,894
Besides, what you need money
for so badly anyway?
140
00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,852
I'm trying to buy
a cheat code for a video game.
141
00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:16,854
I wish I had a cheat code
to get out of Nam.
142
00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:17,899
The only cheat code for that
143
00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:18,856
was to be white...
- Oh.
144
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,554
- Or die.
- Whew.
145
00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:22,860
Cheat codes for Black folks
are few and far between.
146
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:23,905
I totally agree.
147
00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:25,428
So can I borrow $20?
148
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:27,778
I don't have $20, little man.
149
00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:31,303
I'll give you something better,
a free story about choices.
150
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,783
- I'd rather have the money.
- Too late!
151
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:35,482
Chris, like you,
I once had a choice
152
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:39,660
between taking the hard road
or using a cheat code
153
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:42,314
to make my life easier.
154
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,012
That makes Thurgood Marshall
155
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:46,754
our first Negro
Supreme Court Justice,
156
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:49,539
a job that entitles him
to a lifetime salary,
157
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:52,542
free meals, and
an endless supply of robes,
158
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:56,198
all on the backs of white
middle-class taxpayers.
159
00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:59,114
Lots to celebrate, for him.
160
00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:01,638
Isn't it so inspiring?
161
00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:04,511
Yeah.
Salary, food, robes!
162
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,948
Mm!
That man is set for life.
163
00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:08,210
I got to be a judge.
164
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:14,129
But as I pursued
my judge dream,
165
00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:17,654
I realized I misjudged
how hard it was
166
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:21,441
to become an actual judge.
167
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,573
Wait, I got to go
to law school, too?
168
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,096
Shi-i-i-t.
169
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:28,012
I started to doubt
if I'd reach my dream
170
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:30,014
of living that easy life.
171
00:07:30,101 --> 00:07:32,626
But the day your parents
got engaged
172
00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:35,193
was the day
I got my cheat code.
173
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,892
And he took a second job
just to pay for the ring.
174
00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:41,504
He delivered my newspaper,
and then he delivered my heart.
175
00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:43,158
We're getting married!
176
00:07:43,245 --> 00:07:45,508
Taking two jobs was worth it
for Rochelle.
177
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,249
I'm sure it's just temporary.
178
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:51,906
Both of my babies are leaving.
179
00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:55,649
One's becoming a judge,
one's getting married.
180
00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:57,738
Who's gonna eat
my free cooking?
181
00:07:57,825 --> 00:08:01,002
Whose laundry
am I gonna do?
182
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:04,484
Who's gonna unstick me
from this couch on a hot day?
183
00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:08,096
Oh, Lord, now I'm stuck!
184
00:08:11,969 --> 00:08:13,580
Julius,
this might be too much
185
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,233
for Mama to take right now.
186
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,408
You know what, Mike?
187
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,975
After we get married,
188
00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:20,282
Julius and I will move in
so you can go to law school.
189
00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:21,979
Oh.
190
00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:28,333
You hungry, baby?
191
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:30,292
You got to eat up
for your studies.
192
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:39,954
As much as I love my dream,
I love you even more, 'Chelle.
193
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:42,565
I'll stay home.
- No, Mike, you can't do that.
194
00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:45,002
Yes, he can!
Thanks, Mike. We owe you.
195
00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:48,179
I'm going to hold you
to that.
196
00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:52,967
Staying home gave me
financial security, free meals,
197
00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:57,319
and I still get
all the robes I need.
198
00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:58,712
Wait a second.
199
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:01,018
He used his story
to get out of paying me!
200
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:04,065
That grifting man-child.
- That man is a genius.
201
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:06,850
He's not a genius.
He's a delusional fool.
202
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,374
Right, baby?
203
00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:10,898
Yeah, but the point is,
204
00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:13,161
he used a cheat code
and got what he wanted.
205
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:15,424
Look, Chris, do you think
Mike Tyson used cheat codes
206
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:16,860
to get where he's at?
207
00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:19,428
You trying to be like
Iron Mike or Uncle Mike?
208
00:09:19,515 --> 00:09:21,038
Aah!
209
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:25,434
Back at home, my dad was
doing his best to play nice,
210
00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:28,611
but Uncle Mike was breaking
my family's biggest rule.
211
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:29,917
- Big Man!
- Huh?
212
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,919
Just got back
from the barber.
213
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,921
You want some lunch?
- No, I want some sleep!
214
00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:36,140
I heard you got
some leftover pot pie.
215
00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,664
Can I have it?
216
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,491
You can make love to that
pot pie, for all I care.
217
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,015
Just get out!
218
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,933
Big Man!
What do you cook a pie at?
219
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:48,370
425, uncovered
for 10 minutes.
220
00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:50,067
What am I doing?
Listen!
221
00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:53,288
Do not bother me again
unless it's an emergency!
222
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:54,898
Got it?
223
00:09:54,985 --> 00:09:55,725
Please!
224
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:04,299
Big Man, emergency!
There's no pie left.
225
00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:05,953
You did what?
226
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,433
You can't just throw him out.
He's my brother!
227
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,392
If I don't get my nap, then
I get tired driving my truck.
228
00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:13,090
If I get tired driving
my truck, I could fall asleep.
229
00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:14,744
If I fall asleep,
I could crash.
230
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:16,267
If I crash, I could die.
231
00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:17,878
If I die...
232
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:20,010
You have to get two jobs!
233
00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:21,882
Is that what you want?
234
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,100
Take your stupid nap.
235
00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:25,059
I'm going to look
for my brother.
236
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:28,323
Stupid Mike.
237
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:30,107
Stupid pot pie.
238
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:31,456
Stupid.
239
00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:39,595
So, Chris,
I heard you're trying
240
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,379
to get yourself a cheat code.
241
00:10:41,466 --> 00:10:42,990
Who's cheating?
242
00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,992
She's cheating
with some man named Code?
243
00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:46,820
- Is that Marci's boy?
- Do he got a job?
244
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,430
Yeah, it's
for a video game contest.
245
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:51,781
But I'm not sure
if I should anymore.
246
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:55,219
He means he'd cheat if he
could, but he's too broke.
247
00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:58,005
Using cheat codes
is a bad idea if you ask me.
248
00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,050
Want to hear my life story?
- No, thank you.
249
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:03,053
I come from a long line
of hairdressers.
250
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:05,186
My grandmother became
the first person
251
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:07,536
to give a white woman
cornrows.
252
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:10,539
The community got so mad, she
was banned from doing hair,
253
00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:13,934
and our whole family looked
awful for generations.
254
00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:16,371
It was a symbol of our shame.
255
00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:18,155
If you're so ashamed,
256
00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:20,897
then why do you have all these
sad-ass family photos up?
257
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:23,204
Ow! Hey!
- Oops.
258
00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:25,162
I display them
as a constant reminder
259
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:28,209
that you can overcome anything.
260
00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:30,385
I put myself
through beauty school,
261
00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:33,736
opened my own salon,
and finally brought respect
262
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,565
back to my family, while also
scaring away white women
263
00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:38,219
from seeking cornrows.
264
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:39,611
Wait, I thought
you opened this salon
265
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,222
with the money you got
266
00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:42,745
from jumping
in front of that Cadillac.
267
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,573
That's how you won
the Bed-Stuy lottery!
268
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:47,707
A broken neck
got you a token check!
269
00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,099
I didn't purposely get hit!
270
00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,971
all: Mm...
271
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:53,364
Chris, I once had
a choice, too,
272
00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:56,063
between using a cheat code
or putting in hard work.
273
00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:59,980
Let me tell you a real story
about hard work.
274
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,633
Damn, do I have
a sign on my back that says
275
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:02,939
"tell me your life story"?
276
00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:05,333
I was a single mom,
277
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:08,423
looking for the best way
to provide for Tasha.
278
00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:10,817
One day, I thought
I found a cheat code
279
00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:12,906
to earn me some quick cash.
280
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:16,126
But I learned real quick
just how hard the job was.
281
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:18,302
I was allergic
to the latex uniform.
282
00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:20,696
The fried-fish buffet
made me nauseous.
283
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:23,090
And worst of all--
the spotlight was so bright,
284
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:25,657
I couldn't see a damn thing.
285
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,355
Whoa!
286
00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:30,880
Ahh.
Now, who wants a lap dance?
287
00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:36,146
- You okay, Peaches?
- This ain't going to cut it.
288
00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:38,322
You want to make
some real money?
289
00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:40,585
We're about to stiff
some tricks.
290
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:43,719
I slip them three of these, and
I'm getting me in some wills.
291
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,156
Now, I had a choice.
292
00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:49,116
I could get better at
stripping to make more money,
293
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:51,161
or I could steal
from some customers.
294
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:56,123
Nope, no shortcuts today, Tina.
295
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:59,430
And so I put in the hard work.
296
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:02,259
I adjusted to the spotlights.
297
00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:07,525
I found an itch cream
for the latex rashes.
298
00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,789
And eventually enjoyed
the fish buffet.
299
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:12,966
And, most importantly,
I made enough money
300
00:13:13,053 --> 00:13:15,925
to get Tasha into day care
and then some!
301
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:20,800
Look, Mommy, it's you
without the C-section scar.
302
00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:23,454
If I had used a cheat code
like those other girls,
303
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:27,067
I would have ended up
just like them, in prison.
304
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:28,459
You did end up in prison.
305
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,635
I went to jail!
Get it right!
306
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:33,682
My point is,
I didn't use a cheat code,
307
00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:34,857
and I turned out great.
308
00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:37,120
Uh-oh.
309
00:13:37,207 --> 00:13:39,557
Um, I-I got to go.
Bye, Chris.
310
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:42,082
You know what to do.
- No. No, I have no idea.
311
00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:44,127
Y'all just confused me
even more.
312
00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:49,916
Ooh, I'm telling Daddy
you're thinking about cheating.
313
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:52,919
Tonya snitching on my
Black ass for thought crimes
314
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:55,051
was the real Minority Report.
315
00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:56,792
Just 'cause I'm thinking
about it
316
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,576
doesn't mean
I'm going to do it.
317
00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:01,405
If only
God gave me a sign.
318
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:09,239
Looks like my prayers
have been answered.
319
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:11,676
A broken neck gets you
a token check
320
00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:14,375
and a cheat code
for a brand-new Nintendo.
321
00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:16,072
All right.
322
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:18,553
Oh, hell, no!
323
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,598
Ooh, I'm telling Daddy
you tried to get hit by a car
324
00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:21,948
but chickened out.
325
00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:24,428
Damn.
Now what?
326
00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:25,995
Huh.
327
00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:29,738
Aah!
328
00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:31,087
What the hell?
329
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,873
Oh!
You ran over my foot!
330
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,831
Oh, the pain!
331
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,485
The pain!
332
00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:40,227
Boy, you messing with me?
I ran over that brick!
333
00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:42,882
Who are the cops are going
to believe, me or that brick?
334
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,535
Oh, the pain!
335
00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:47,408
Lord, don't take me now!
I have so much to live for!
336
00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:50,628
Best acting I ever did,
till I made "Grown Ups 2."
337
00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:52,674
Damn.
We're both businessmen.
338
00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:53,893
What do you want?
339
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,720
Give me that
cheat code for free.
340
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,940
Use the cheat code
to get a cheat code.
341
00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,855
Respect, young blood.
342
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:03,293
I still didn't know if using
cheat codes was good or bad,
343
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:05,165
but I figured I could worry
about that
344
00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:08,472
after I won the Nintendo!
345
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:11,693
♪ I got the cheat code,
and you don't got one ♪
346
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:13,608
♪ Nintendo, here I come ♪
347
00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:15,871
Hey.
- Oh, that's great, Chris.
348
00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:17,612
Now you won't be a total loser.
349
00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:19,396
It's mine.
350
00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:20,702
The Nintendo will keep me
and my family warm
351
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:22,878
this cold, cold winter.
352
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,532
If we take one back to Haiti,
we can power the whole country.
353
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:27,317
Maybe a Nintendo will make
my dad come back.
354
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,537
Damn, I thought I wanted
to use this cheat code,
355
00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:30,799
but now I don't know.
356
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,279
At least you have a choice.
357
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:35,325
These kids are way
worse off than us.
358
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:41,027
"Kid, if you need
a cheat code to beat me,
359
00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:42,637
"it's okay.
360
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,987
"Just be willing to live
with the consequences
361
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:46,554
of your actions."
362
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:49,470
Uh, thanks, champ?
363
00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:51,341
"Thank yourself.
364
00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:53,256
"I'm just your conscience.
365
00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:55,955
The real me would never give
advice without getting paid."
366
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,261
Watch it, Leon Stinks.
367
00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:03,223
Hey, everybody,
you guys want a cheat code?
368
00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:05,965
Maybe we can all win Nintendos.
- Yes!
369
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:07,749
This is the first time
I felt hope
370
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:10,795
since my mom left me
at the firehouse!
371
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,623
Hey, honey,
you have a good nap?
372
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:13,885
I don't know.
373
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,322
Why are you being
so nice to me?
374
00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:16,976
Am I still napping?
375
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,978
Here, baby,
I fixed you a plate.
376
00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:21,502
Thanks, 'Chelle.
What's up, Big Man?
377
00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,591
Oop, time
for "The People's Court."
378
00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:26,637
If not for the sacrifices
I made for this family,
379
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:30,206
me and Judge Wapner
could've been judge friends.
380
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:31,729
I see you found Mike.
381
00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:33,340
Well, I found my size-12 boot
382
00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:35,255
so I can kick his ass
out again.
383
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:41,652
Chris, take Drew and Tonya
to get haircuts, now.
384
00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:43,567
Uh, Chris and Drew
aren't here.
385
00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:45,569
And we already got
haircuts today.
386
00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:48,703
Then go watch TV
with Uncle Mike!
387
00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,835
Damn it, woman! Why are you
always taking his side?
388
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:53,534
All he ever takes is seconds.
- Because we owe him.
389
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:56,058
Without Mike, we wouldn't be
so goddamn happy right now!
390
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:57,494
Don't you see
he's a guilt-tripper
391
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:58,800
just like your mom?
392
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,628
He's guilt-tripped
you your whole life,
393
00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:02,543
and he's doing it again now!
- No, he's not.
394
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:04,719
Mike, can you turn it down
395
00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:06,808
so me and Julius
can argue in peace, please?
396
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,418
I can't hear you!
397
00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:10,638
My eardrums are blown out
from years of listening
398
00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,640
to Mama's CPAP machine.
399
00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:14,946
You sure are lucky you left.
400
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,993
Okay, keep it
as loud as you want.
401
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,777
Oh, okay, you're right!
402
00:17:19,864 --> 00:17:22,606
He is a guilt-tripper,
but he's my brother, Julius.
403
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:24,347
I don't know
how to say no to him.
404
00:17:24,434 --> 00:17:27,307
All you have to do is talk
to him and be honest.
405
00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:30,092
I'll be in your corner
the whole time.
406
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:33,269
Fine.
I'll ask him to leave.
407
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:36,142
While my mom was about
to battle Uncle Mike,
408
00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:38,535
it was almost my turn
to battle Iron Mike.
409
00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:56,118
Chris, you're up.
410
00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:03,952
Keep your head in the game.
You can do this.
411
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,433
Okay, Rochelle,
you can do this.
412
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:11,046
Mike, I love you,
but I think it's time you left.
413
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:12,961
- Get him, Mama!
- That's it, baby!
414
00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,355
Yeah, that's it, baby!
415
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,052
Why are you
calling me "baby"?
416
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:19,098
Why are you talking to me?
Focus!
417
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:21,491
Okay, what you got, Mike?
418
00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:23,276
Okay, what you got, Mike?
419
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:25,191
You promised me
I could stay longer.
420
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,454
And I kept my promise
to live with our parents
421
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,543
so you can go off
and get married.
422
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,719
So now you have to keep yours.
423
00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:33,460
I--Ooh.
424
00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:35,549
Oh, that's okay.
We knew he'd throw that one.
425
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,072
Stay strong, Rochelle!
426
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:39,161
Stay strong, Chris.
You got this!
427
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,424
Ugh!
428
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:43,252
Ooh, he nailed you
good with that hook!
429
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,862
- Ugh!
- And that jab.
430
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:46,255
- Ugh!
- And that uppercut.
431
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:48,127
Oh, don't give up, Chris!
432
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:51,782
You can't give up, Rochelle.
You got this.
433
00:18:51,869 --> 00:18:54,611
Mike, I'll always be grateful
for what you did,
434
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:57,701
but I can't let you
guilt-push me around anymore!
435
00:18:57,788 --> 00:19:00,661
Well, if that's how you feel,
I guess I'll go.
436
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:03,707
But the news you threw your
beloved brother to the curb
437
00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:05,405
is going to be hard on Mama
438
00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:08,321
and her already-fragile
pacemaker.
439
00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:10,497
Oh, no, he didn't.
440
00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:13,369
- Whoa!
- Ha ha!
441
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,589
You're going to lose,
Blacky Balboa!
442
00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:17,025
Not today, I'm not.
443
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:19,549
I didn't cheat my way
this far not to win!
444
00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:22,596
all: Whoa.
445
00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:24,946
Go for the knockout, Chris!
446
00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:28,167
Go for the knockout,
Rochelle!
447
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,517
Fine, tell Mama
I'm kicking you out.
448
00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,214
While you're at it,
also tell her
449
00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:34,390
you messed up
Drew's karate belt,
450
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:36,914
broke Tonya's doll,
ruined Julius' work shirt,
451
00:19:37,001 --> 00:19:41,180
and made those calls
to 1-900-HOOCHIE!
452
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,617
Or maybe I should call her.
453
00:19:43,704 --> 00:19:45,749
On second thought,
I just remembered--
454
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:48,535
my special lady friend
lives a few blocks away
455
00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:50,058
and can put me up.
456
00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:53,061
So see y'all at Thanksgiving
for ten days!
457
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:56,760
And, also, please have
some turkey pot pie.
458
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,156
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Way to go, Mama!
459
00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:02,462
You did it, baby!
460
00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:04,159
He's someone else's
problem now.
461
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:06,596
Yes! I am the champ
of the living room.
462
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:09,295
I am the champ of the family!
463
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:12,036
And my parents' cheat code
to a happier life
464
00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:13,473
was having each other.
465
00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:17,825
Yo, you're about
to win, Chris!
466
00:20:17,912 --> 00:20:19,348
Go for the super uppercut!
467
00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:25,049
Yes!
You knocked him down!
468
00:20:25,136 --> 00:20:28,662
all:
One, two, three, four,
469
00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:33,101
five, six, seven, eight, nine--
470
00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:37,236
Huh?
Are you kidding me?
471
00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:38,933
Oh, no!
472
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:42,023
Looks like a totally random
and unexpected power outage!
473
00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:45,156
Sorry, kids,
the promotion is canceled.
474
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,159
That day, I learned
a valuable lesson.
475
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:51,075
Even if you got a cheat code
to make life easier,
476
00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:53,643
there's always somebody
with a better one
477
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,079
to screw you over.
478
00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:57,560
Way to go, Muhammad A-Loser!
479
00:20:57,647 --> 00:20:59,519
Why?
480
00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:04,524
♪ Everybody
still hates Chris ♪
481
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,743
♪ Oh, oh ♪
482
00:21:36,033 --> 00:21:40,033
♪ MTV ♪
36406
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