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1
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,377
There's a moment
in every boy's life
2
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,844
when he becomes a man.
3
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,547
And in that moment
is when he realizes
4
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,516
that instead of buying
cologne,
5
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:19,353
he can just rock free samples
from inside men's magazines.
6
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:23,157
If I wear this, I'm going home
with at least four numbers.
7
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,193
That's that good musk.
8
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:26,927
We're gonna pull
all kinds of ladies
9
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,396
at Spiegelman's party tomorrow.
10
00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,431
I heard the last one,
they played Manishewitz bong.
11
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,999
I can't believe
we got invited.
12
00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:35,035
So we actually didn't.
13
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,104
Then why am I rubbing
14
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,605
Billy Dee's balls
all over my neck?
15
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,207
First of all,
his name is Lando.
16
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,774
And relax,
I overheard Spiegelman
17
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,543
talking about it when I was
stuffed in a locker.
18
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,378
Overhearing is
basically an invitation.
19
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,680
And Greg was
basically a loser.
20
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,382
But he said there's gonna be
a ton of food,
21
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,551
it could go all weekend,
and Spiegelman's cousins
22
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,953
are coming from Connecticut--
the girl cousins.
23
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:54,888
Out-of-town girls
love to put out.
24
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,190
Good enough for me.
25
00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,192
I just need to get
permission from my mom.
26
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,161
Wait. Is it seriously 7:25?
27
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,929
If I break curfew,
I'll need permission
28
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,497
from my mom to breathe again.
29
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,333
I'd have my dad give you
a ride, but this time of night,
30
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,201
he's parked somewhere,
crying in his car.
31
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:11,739
No one respects me.
32
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:16,810
These white folks were acting
like I was the scariest thing
33
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,212
in the neighborhood.
34
00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,787
I wasn't.
35
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:30,758
Uh...
- You lost?
36
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,760
That's what
the Native Americans said
37
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,162
when you showed up.
38
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,629
You take that train
right there,
39
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,632
and you get back
to where you belong.
40
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,303
I better never
see you here again.
41
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,072
The KKK in NYC?
42
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:48,176
All I could think was, GTFO.
43
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,881
While I was running
from the Klan,
44
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,450
Drew and Tonya were--
wait, they're at the movies
45
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,885
while I'm running
from the Klan?
46
00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,887
Finally, "Karate Dad 2."
47
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,223
I can't believe it's been
six weeks since the first one.
48
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:05,593
There's nothing my dad
loved more than a B movie,
49
00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:07,261
but those were expensive.
50
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,029
So we went to C movies.
51
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:16,804
Daddy, do I really have to see
the same movie as you guys?
52
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,839
Why, baby?
Do you want to see
53
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,674
"Adrienne Goes to Camp"
instead?
54
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,443
Uh, yeah.
55
00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:25,012
You know how much I love
the other Adrienne movies.
56
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:27,881
"Adrienne Goes to Space,"
"Adrienne Goes to War,"
57
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,883
"Adrienne Goes to Tampa."
58
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,421
Drew also liked C movies,
but he loved having
59
00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,456
his very own action hero more.
60
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,426
Dad, you would kick
that alien's ass,
61
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,361
which I guess is
also his mouth.
62
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:41,662
You got that right.
63
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,097
I would put my foot
all up in that ass-mouth.
64
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,337
Why is this light on?
65
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,572
That's 4 yen worth
of electricity.
66
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,641
Wax on, lights off.
67
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,509
I don't know
how to tie a tie.
68
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:04,585
We're here to stop you
from being such a good dad.
69
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,720
If I don't survive,
take my place
70
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,422
as the protector
of our family.
71
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,558
Your older brother is useless.
72
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,362
Gah!
73
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:17,898
I can't believe Tonya wanted
to see "Adrienne Goes to Camp."
74
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,333
She didn't.
75
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:20,601
It's so scandalous
76
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,370
that you're
my fiancé's brother.
77
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,338
Our love can never be.
78
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,873
- Yes, it can!
- Shh.
79
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,675
You shush.
80
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,743
I couldn't let
my mom find out about
81
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,712
my run-in with the KKK,
82
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,947
or that would mean
no Spiegelman party.
83
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,289
Cutting it close, Chris.
84
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,891
Two more minutes,
and I would have opened
85
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,993
a can of sleepy time whup-ass.
86
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,728
I was gonna call collect,
but I knew
87
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,129
you wouldn't accept
the charges.
88
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,598
At $0.54 a minute?
89
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,366
Do you want your father
to leave me?
90
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,534
Good point, Mom.
91
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,336
Well, I'm gonna go wash up.
92
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,670
Wash up?
93
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,439
Are you a 45-year-old banker
having an affair?
94
00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:59,440
What's going on with you?
95
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,774
Nothing.
96
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,543
Well, good night.
97
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:04,312
Why do you smell like
the old guy at the club?
98
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,546
I was at Greg's.
99
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:06,814
You know
that's his signature scent.
100
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,349
Chris, tell me
what's going on.
101
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,550
Nothing.
102
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,652
- Well, Greg already told me.
- How?
103
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,421
Greg wasn't with me
when I ran into the KKK.
104
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:14,555
The KK-what?
105
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:15,923
Oop. Damn it.
106
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,158
- In New York City?
- I know.
107
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:20,761
How do they keep those sheets
white in these grimy streets?
108
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,732
You think this is a joke?
109
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,600
- No, I--
- Go to your room.
110
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,669
Mom, it wasn't as bad
as you think.
111
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,371
Boy, I said go to your room.
112
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,172
We'll deal with this tomorrow.
113
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,976
Well, so much for meeting
Spiegelman's girl cousins,
114
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:39,112
Shalom, Shoshana,
Liat, and Tamar.
115
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,082
I'm renaming
my left hand Leah.
116
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,352
What a great movie.
117
00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:46,387
How about that scene where
Karate Dad beat the villain
118
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,821
with his baby's car seat?
119
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,558
And he still made it
to his colonoscopy on time.
120
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:53,394
Or when the woman realizes
she was marrying a good boy,
121
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:56,497
but she wanted a bad boy...
122
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,998
at camp?
123
00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,868
What the hell kind of camp
did Adrienne go to?
124
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,139
Can I help y'all?
125
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,577
* How did your head ♪
all: * Get so shiny? ♪
126
00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:11,211
So shiny.
127
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:14,147
A big thing in the '80s
was a cappella,
128
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,816
singing without instruments.
129
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,818
But if these boys
messed with my dad,
130
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,587
they'd be singing
without teeth.
131
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:20,854
Just get off my stoop.
132
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,228
- Hmm.
- Nah, man.
133
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:31,131
♪ Are you hearing
these acoustics? ♪
134
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,434
You do not want to mess
with my dad.
135
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,403
Oh, is that so?
136
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,240
Ah!
137
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,275
Damn, he flinched.
138
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:45,413
Mr. Potato Head flinched.
139
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,817
That was the first time
Drew saw our dad get punked.
140
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,785
He went from Karate Dad to...
141
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,823
The Flincher!
142
00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:59,527
Come on.
We're going inside.
143
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,063
I knew I wasn't
leaving the house again
144
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,599
until Martin Luther King's
dream came true,
145
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:06,934
so I was getting comfortable
146
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:09,102
with the idea
of sitting my Black ass
147
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,304
on my bed for the rest of--
148
00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,874
Chris, get your
Black ass in here!
149
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,547
Is this for me?
150
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:20,814
Oh, dang it.
151
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,550
I forgot your favorite cereal.
152
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,621
Mmm. This food is amazing.
153
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,457
Wait. Is Grandma sick?
154
00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:31,892
Did Chris call you collect,
and now Daddy's leaving?
155
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:35,095
Is El DeBarge dead?
156
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,497
No, that ain't for you.
157
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:37,931
If you want something,
there's a store
158
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,067
around the corner.
159
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,470
What's the occasion?
My funeral?
160
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,938
The occasion is me
taking care of my baby
161
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,974
after what he went
through yesterday.
162
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,909
Now, hurry up and eat.
I borrowed Nessa's car,
163
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,978
and we're going to the arcade.
164
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,946
If this was gonna be
her reaction,
165
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,048
I was gonna play the KKK card
166
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,485
all the way
to Spiegelman's party.
167
00:06:57,485 --> 00:07:00,287
Drew, there's a 2:00 PM
showing of "Chef Assassin."
168
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:03,323
If the bullets don't kill you,
the seasoning will.
169
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:06,627
Wanna go?
170
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:09,162
No, I'm all right.
171
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,765
But he kicks ass
in three courses.
172
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,134
I just want to get
a head start
173
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,503
on next month's homework.
174
00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:18,639
Really?
Well, if you change your mind,
175
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,207
you know where to find me.
176
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,712
What's going on with him?
177
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:28,048
Seeing that sexy movie
awakened a desire in Tonya
178
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:31,051
she'd never felt before:
desire.
179
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,021
all: * Ooh, bah-dah ♪
180
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,523
Excuse me.
181
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:38,759
Me and my long-lost sister
are trying to catch up.
182
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,431
Can you just leave him alone?
183
00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:47,034
Who's gonna make us,
your flinching dad?
184
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,036
Ooh, now that's a jam, fellas.
185
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,805
all: * You got
a flinching dad ♪
186
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,541
♪ Your daddy's a flinch ♪
187
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:56,544
Turns out my sister was
like every other girl I knew.
188
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,912
She had a soft spot
for light-skinned brothers
189
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,548
who could sing.
190
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:01,615
Wow.
191
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:04,552
Come on, sis.
192
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,690
So I'm thinking
"Donkey Kong" first,
193
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,925
then "Punch-Out,"
"Ms. Pac-Man" for the lady--
194
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:14,895
Hold up, you thought we were
here to play some video games?
195
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,196
Yeah.
196
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,665
I told you I was gonna
take care of you.
197
00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:20,568
So today, you're enrolled
in your mama's
198
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:21,969
You Ain't White Academy.
199
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,336
My mama's what?
200
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,573
Lesson one: don't ever be
the only Black boy
201
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,575
in a group of white kids
acting up,
202
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:30,878
'cause when things go down,
they'll never have your back.
203
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,880
Is there a GED
for this school?
204
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,882
There's a GET
your ass whupped
205
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:35,916
if you don't pay attention.
206
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,117
Focus!
207
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,786
Well, so much
for the arcade.
208
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,788
If I wanted to go
to Spiegelman's party,
209
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:43,356
I'd have to do
like I did in school
210
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,425
and say what the teacher
wanted to hear.
211
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,895
Thank you, Mother,
for the opportunity
212
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,262
to soak up your wisdom.
213
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,031
You know, the world is
214
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,465
scarier than ever
for young Black men--
215
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,301
You trying to play me
in my borrowed car?
216
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,203
You know, this is about more
217
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,471
than just one ugly guy
in a hood.
218
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:00,140
What makes you
so sure he's ugly?
219
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,341
If you look like
Robert Redford,
220
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:02,910
you don't cover your face.
221
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:05,445
Besides, a bigger problem
than a fool in bed sheets
222
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,480
are the racists who seem
like regular people.
223
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,617
She means Americans.
224
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:11,218
Mom, I learned this in school.
225
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,953
Well, I lived it,
226
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,923
in South Carolina, in the '50s.
227
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,325
I saw some things, boy.
228
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,060
OK.
229
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,361
What's the next lesson?
230
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,168
You hungry?
231
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,070
I got a egg sandwich
coming your way.
232
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,240
Ow, ow!
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
233
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,708
Ooh, ow! Hot, hot, hot!
234
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,144
If I don't survive,
you must take my place
235
00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,346
as the protector
of our family.
236
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,815
How about I make you
an egg sandwich, Dad?
237
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:42,983
No, I got it.
238
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:45,285
No, I'm stepping up.
239
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,655
It'll be a flinch--
I mean, cinch.
240
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,658
Wait, is that why you've been
acting all funny-style?
241
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,727
You just kind of backed down
242
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,062
with those singers.
243
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:58,331
Son, being strong isn't
about hitting people or--
244
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,933
Meep, meep, meep,
245
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:03,003
meep, meep, meep, meep, meep,
meep, meep, meep, meep, meep.
246
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,872
Are you even listening?
247
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:08,308
It's cool.
I'm not even hungry anymore.
248
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:11,578
Have you lost respect
for meep?
249
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,647
OK, lesson 12:
250
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,083
a lot of people think
shoplifting is no big deal,
251
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,517
and it's not if you're white,
252
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,320
which, as we've discussed,
you ain't.
253
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,524
If you shoplift,
you better make sure
254
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:27,627
you're ready to do 50 to life
over a pack of Nutter Butters.
255
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,730
Excuse me, that lady just--
256
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:32,332
Lesson 13:
mind your damn business.
257
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:40,941
Traffic, weather
and "Rhapsody in Blue"
258
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,676
every ten minutes.
259
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:43,844
Hey.
260
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,478
It's not what you want
to listen to.
261
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,080
It's what the cop wants
to listen to
262
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,381
in case you get pulled over.
263
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,717
That's lesson 23.
264
00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,719
I'm not gonna get
pulled over.
265
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,022
Lesson 24: yes, you will.
266
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,223
But I didn't do anything.
267
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,557
Half of jail
didn't do anything.
268
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,693
Both hands on the wheel.
Look confident.
269
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,962
I didn't say cocky.
Wallet on the dash.
270
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,464
Keep them hands on the wheel.
- How can I--
271
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,466
When the cop walks up,
make eye contact,
272
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:07,600
but don't eyeball him.
273
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,069
What?
That doesn't make sense.
274
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,504
Take a deep breath.
275
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,610
Nessa? You're a cop?
276
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,880
No, I'm an actor.
277
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,350
I studied at the distinguished
Nipsey Russell's Junior College
278
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:27,220
of Night School
and Auto Repair and--yeah.
279
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,421
I played my role, Chelle.
280
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,757
Give me my car back.
281
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,191
No, Nessa! Drive, Chris.
282
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,860
Boy, just drive!
283
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,294
Give it back!
284
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:38,465
Ooh, these extensions hitting
me all up in my eye, oh.
285
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,633
I can't believe
you had Nessa do that.
286
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,836
What's next, sending in someone
to rob this place?
287
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,672
If Jerome would have
done it for $10, yes.
288
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:47,507
This is stressing me out
like real school.
289
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,076
What can I get you?
290
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,310
A cheeseburger and a Coke.
291
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,544
Just a strawberry shake.
292
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,046
He'll take a Coke.
293
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,314
Don't forget, you ain't white.
294
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,783
You're Blacktose intolerant.
295
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,684
All right,
I'll call you guys up.
296
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:58,786
Thanks.
297
00:11:58,786 --> 00:11:59,787
And?
298
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:02,555
Um, thanks for your business.
299
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,825
Hambur--bye.
300
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,994
The receipt, Lenny.
Proof of purchase.
301
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:10,563
I'm gonna have
to reload the roll.
302
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,500
I'll wait.
303
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,403
This.
This is what I want from you.
304
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,905
That's when we both realized
305
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:20,908
I was crushing
You Ain't White Academy.
306
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:25,045
Up next, graduating at
the top of his class, Chris.
307
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:30,818
That's my baby!
308
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,086
Calm down.
That's my baby too.
309
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,621
That's my baby!
310
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,556
Bitch, calm down!
That's my baby too.
311
00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,525
Chill.
You messing up my rhythm.
312
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:39,927
Congrats, baby.
313
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,462
But this is how
I was feeling.
314
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,197
Chris is at my party?
315
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,666
Tonight just got way cooler.
316
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:48,101
You're welcome.
317
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:51,571
Chrissy, you promised
we'd Cabbage Patch.
318
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,640
Got to go, Spiegs.
319
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,908
Booty calls.
320
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,911
Here, sweet thang.
Hold my receipts.
321
00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,980
* Well, here's a new dance
that can't be matched ♪
322
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:03,550
♪ So just step to the floor
and do the Cabbage Patch ♪
323
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:06,854
Uh, cheeseburger
and two Cokes.
324
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,188
Hey, that's mine.
325
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,622
You got proof
of purchase, punk?
326
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,625
'Cause I do.
327
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,698
Excuse me, gentlemen,
328
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,968
our bubble bath won't
run itself.
329
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:24,237
Mm, these boys got some soul.
330
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,572
Yeah.
331
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:28,208
Mm, just what
my grieving heart needs.
332
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:33,881
all: * His flinching face,
how scared was he ♪
333
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:36,416
Uh, the man flinched.
Get over it.
334
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:39,252
all: * He pissed his pants ♪
335
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:42,755
* With pee ♪
336
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,591
These boys are distracting.
337
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,326
They are making me mess up
my appointments.
338
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,362
And all this a cappella is
why my fruit sales are down.
339
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:52,099
Definitely that, not 'cause
they're three weeks expired.
340
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:53,600
Somebody's got
to do something
341
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,003
about this musical terrorism.
342
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,338
All right,
fools, show's over.
343
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,373
I got a bristle
with your name on it.
344
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,444
What are you doing?
345
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:05,979
It's OK.
I got this.
346
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:09,182
Well, well, well,
if it isn't the Flinch.
347
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,350
I didn't flinch.
348
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,952
I was stepping
in front of my kids.
349
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,586
I ain't scared
of none of y'all.
350
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:14,721
Oh, you want to go?
351
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:15,923
No, I was explaining that--
352
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,190
Then let's do it.
353
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,928
♪ Me, me, me
versus you, you, you ♪
354
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,395
Yeah, get 'em, Julius.
355
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,465
Beat these guys up for
messing up my very fresh fruit.
356
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:30,237
I hate to do this,
357
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,605
but if I win,
you boys leave this block.
358
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:33,941
No!
359
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:37,044
I mean, go, Dad.
360
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,512
Drew was happy someone was
finally standing up
361
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:42,249
to these harmonizing bullies,
but he wasn't sure
362
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,952
if my dad was the one
to do it.
363
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,289
This was cool, Ma.
364
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,657
You taught me a lot.
365
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:51,758
I appreciate it.
366
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:52,960
Well, you're a great student.
367
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,262
Why don't you do
better in school?
368
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:57,064
Hey, so since
we're in the car already,
369
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,598
think you could give me
a ride to this kid
370
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,500
Spiegelman's party?
371
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,135
Spiegel-whose what now?
372
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,237
There's a party the kids
from school are going to.
373
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,439
- Did I not get through to you?
- You did.
374
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:09,076
I'm fully prepared
to attend this party safely.
375
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:11,244
If you were fully prepared,
you wouldn't go.
376
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,380
I can't let you go
to a white kid party
377
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:14,547
in a white neighborhood.
378
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:15,615
But you make me
go to a white school
379
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:16,749
in a white neighborhood.
380
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,051
Well, maybe you shouldn't.
381
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,487
Maybe your ass should
stay next to me 24/7
382
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,155
so I can keep my eye on you.
383
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,257
I have to be on lockdown
just 'cause you're scared?
384
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,993
Because you're
not scared enough.
385
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,260
You know what?
386
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,795
You're never leaving
the house again.
387
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,697
Then I'll never
speak to you again.
388
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,365
Ha, whatever.
I'd rather have
389
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,867
a mute living boy
than a dead talking one.
390
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,769
Fine.
391
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,005
Where are you going?
392
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,107
Chris, come back here!
393
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:41,774
He is not doing this.
394
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,343
Chris!
395
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,915
Julius, do you know
where I put Whoopi Goldbelt?
396
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,183
Whoopi Goldbelt?
397
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,818
Who's about to get
they ass whupped?
398
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,020
Are you mad about something?
399
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,087
What makes you think
I'm mad?
400
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,489
Uh, nothing at all, baby.
401
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:57,590
Are you?
402
00:15:57,590 --> 00:15:59,659
I'm mad. I'm scared.
403
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,461
I'm all of it, Julius.
404
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,829
What's going on, baby?
405
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,431
Chris jumped out the car
and left.
406
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:05,798
He what?
407
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,267
I was trying to teach him
some life lessons,
408
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,269
but then he got upset
because I wasn't gonna
409
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:10,537
let him go to some white party
410
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,239
in some white neighborhood
late at night.
411
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:14,141
He's--he's not ready
for all of that.
412
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,408
He's growing up.
413
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,077
We can't keep him locked
in his room forever.
414
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,046
I know that, Julius.
415
00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:21,448
I would never suggest
something like that.
416
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,750
But what if something
happens to him out there?
417
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,052
Look, you've prepared him.
418
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,686
You've prepared all our kids.
419
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:29,656
But sometimes, we just got
to let them live their lives
420
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,658
and hope that what
we've done is enough.
421
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:35,195
If there's a problem,
we'll handle it, together.
422
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,364
Look at you, being all wise.
423
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,366
I try.
Now, excuse me.
424
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,800
I got to go fight
some teenagers.
425
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,905
Julius is gonna
beat your ass.
426
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,075
But just your ass,
not your face.
427
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,609
Not that I care.
428
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,713
Dad, are you sure
this is a good idea?
429
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,416
Yeah, you can't flinch
your way out of this.
430
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,551
All right. Go ahead.
431
00:16:58,551 --> 00:16:59,686
Throw your best punch.
432
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:05,158
Come on. He flinched.
He flinched again.
433
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:08,528
No, you threw a horrible punch.
434
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,231
Hopefully, your friends can
punch better than you.
435
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,732
Yeah!
Nope.
436
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,101
Whoa.
437
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,502
Even if you had
landed that punch,
438
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,105
you probably would have
broken your hand.
439
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,972
The only thing he can hit
is high notes.
440
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,410
Oh, snap.
441
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:26,346
Ball up your fist like this,
and then plant your leg.
442
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:29,549
That'll give your swing
more power, son.
443
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,652
Oh, dang, you just moved him
like a paperclip.
444
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:39,259
Being strong is
only half the battle.
445
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,528
You also got to know
when to use that strength.
446
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:44,697
That's what makes
someone powerful.
447
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,667
Now, will you guys please
find another stoop?
448
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,470
All right, boys.
all: * Let's bounce ♪
449
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,772
I haven't fed my cat in days.
450
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:56,176
In that moment,
Tonya knew she'd never fall
451
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,345
for a light-skinned
brother again.
452
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,423
I'm gonna go for a jog.
453
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:15,362
Oh, Dad,
should we watch "Karate Dad 3,"
454
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,696
"Son of Karate Dad,"
455
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:19,432
or what about
"Dick Buttless, PI"?
456
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,067
Do I even have to say?
457
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:23,035
both: "Dick Buttless, PI."
458
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:24,604
I've got to get my own TV.
459
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:28,074
Hey, Buttless,
get your ass in here!
460
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:30,243
I would if I could, Captain.
461
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,778
You OK, Rochelle?
462
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,646
Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
463
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,482
I'm not even thinking
about Chris.
464
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,849
Chris?
465
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,352
Hello.
You have a collect call from:
466
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,487
Mom, I'm sorry.
You were right.
467
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,356
To the accept charges,
press 1.
468
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,392
Chris! Chris!
469
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:48,795
Hello.
You have a collect call from:
470
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,430
I shouldn't have left
the car, OK?
471
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,665
To accept the charges,
press 1.
472
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,703
Hello.
You have a collect call from:
473
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,605
I'm so sorry, Mama!
I'm sorry!
474
00:18:58,605 --> 00:18:59,906
Chris, Chris, Chris.
Slow down.
475
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,341
I accepted the charges.
476
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,943
both: You did?
- I know today was a lot.
477
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:07,380
It's just if something happened
because I didn't do enough--
478
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,216
I overreacted.
479
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:10,583
No, you didn't.
480
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,385
I thought about
how much you worry.
481
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:14,354
And after today, I get why.
482
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:22,995
I shouldn't have run off.
483
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,130
I'm coming home.
484
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,333
No, you go to the party.
485
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,634
You're gonna be OK.
486
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,569
Wait. Are you sure?
487
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:33,806
I don't know, but I trust you
to handle yourself.
488
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,408
Well, I had a great teacher.
489
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:36,776
You're damn skippy.
490
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,511
Thanks for taking
the time today, Ma.
491
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,512
I love you.
492
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,880
I love you too.
493
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,549
And I'm gonna
lovingly beat your ass
494
00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:44,116
if you're not home by 10:30.
495
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:45,585
And no shortcuts.
496
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:48,120
I don't want you running
into any more KKK men.
497
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,689
What-what-what men?
498
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,162
Let's get this party started.
499
00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:59,131
We are so gonna lose
our virginities tonight.
500
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:04,170
You must be Murray's friends
from school.
501
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:08,241
And you came to show respect
for my mother.
502
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,710
What little mensches you are.
503
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,880
Wait, I went through
all of this for a funeral?
504
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,082
There's three kinds
of herring--
505
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:20,019
pickled, creamed, and smoked.
506
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,454
Help yourself.
507
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,726
You smell nice,
like my late husband.
508
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,028
He was a brother.
509
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:32,064
I guess I couldn't say
the cologne didn't work.
510
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,500
Thanks a lot, Billy Dee.
511
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:39,972
* Everybody hates Chris ♪
512
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,610
Hey, did you see
513
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,312
a skinny Black kid
here the other night?
514
00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:48,180
I did, and I'll tell you
the same thing I told him.
515
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:49,215
Get lost.
516
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:50,483
Oh, I'm going.
517
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:52,018
Just wanted to make sure
it was you.
518
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:55,322
The sheet makes you
all look the same.
519
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,425
- * A beating ♪
- * A beating ♪
520
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,860
* A beating ♪
521
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,729
Plant your back foot
and swing, boys.
522
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,664
all: * A, a, a, a foot
523
00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:06,966
♪ All up in, in, in your ass ♪
524
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,474
Just a little.
525
00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:37,864
* MTV ♪
37885
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