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1
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:07,703
The 1980s was all about
2
00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:09,618
"The Sally Jessy Raphael
Show."
3
00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:11,881
She was a white lady
with three names,
4
00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:14,144
two shoulder pads,
and one concept--
5
00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:17,756
worrying people about nothing.
6
00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:19,106
Bye, Mom.
- Okay.
7
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,412
Be safe out there,
Drew, Chris, or Tonya.
8
00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,501
Up next,
we're gonna discuss
9
00:00:23,588 --> 00:00:25,460
the dangers of brothers
who aren't friends.
10
00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:30,900
Distant siblings today,
11
00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:33,816
crackheads and murderers
tomorrow.
12
00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:36,732
Why aren't you and Drew
going to school together?
13
00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:39,039
Uh, we don't really
hang out there.
14
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,524
What?
Y'all ain't friends at school?
15
00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:48,700
Do you want him to be
a crackhead murderer?
16
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:50,441
No?
17
00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,922
You and your brother
should be inseparable,
18
00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:54,619
like best friends.
19
00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:56,839
I don't want him ending up
in the wrong crowd.
20
00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:59,320
You better stick to each other
like Cain and Abel.
21
00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,539
She just read
"The Bible for Dummies."
22
00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:03,324
Why?
Drew's friends are harmless.
23
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,890
Most of them belong to a dojo.
24
00:01:04,977 --> 00:01:07,502
Dojo one day,
white blow the next.
25
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,591
It's your job
to look out for him.
26
00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:12,202
And if you don't, you're gonna
have to look out for this.
27
00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:19,949
Drew! Wait.
28
00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:23,039
Wouldn't it be fun if you
rode the bus today with me?
29
00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,084
Please?
30
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,998
Mm, okay, sure.
31
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,304
Go on without me.
32
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:28,740
all: Aw.
33
00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:31,221
This is the worst day
of my life.
34
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,918
Crap.
35
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:35,312
Jerome's out
on the stoop today.
36
00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:37,271
What's up, little dude
from across the street?
37
00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:38,359
Let me hold a dollar.
38
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:46,106
Oh, my Black Jesus.
39
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:47,672
Let me give you a dollar.
40
00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:49,370
- Uh?
- Thanks.
41
00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:51,502
This will replace the one
I lost doing magic.
42
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,461
And here's a little something
for you, Drew's brother.
43
00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,376
Ow. What the f--
44
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:56,855
Shoot.
45
00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:03,558
No seats.
46
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:05,299
Here you go, Drew.
47
00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:06,343
Take mine.
48
00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:09,303
Here, Drew.
49
00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:10,565
Please, sit.
50
00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:15,657
Whoo!
51
00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:18,529
Next, Nancy Reagan shows
us how to give the perfect--
52
00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:19,878
Tonya, don't go yet.
53
00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,402
Now that Drew is going
to Chris's school,
54
00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:23,273
you'll be the first one home
every day.
55
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,755
So we've decided
you're ready for your own key.
56
00:02:31,412 --> 00:02:33,805
By the power of this key,
57
00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:38,767
I am a grown-up!
58
00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:40,464
I can't believe it.
59
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:42,597
My little girl's
a latchkey kid.
60
00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:44,294
Finally.
61
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:45,861
Thank you, thank you, thank
you, thank you, thank you.
62
00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:48,385
Hold on.
This is a big responsibility.
63
00:02:48,472 --> 00:02:50,039
We're trusting you
to let yourself in
64
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:51,823
and mind the house alone.
65
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:54,086
Don't flash the key around,
don't let anyone in,
66
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,045
and keep all the windows
and doors locked.
67
00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:58,134
You think burglars
don't know how to climb?
68
00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,005
Their hands are good
for two things--
69
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,746
climbing and burglaring.
70
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,053
Okay, get going.
Love you, baby.
71
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:06,969
Ah!
72
00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:08,927
Son of a bitch.
73
00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:11,016
And now we're gonna hear
from a parent
74
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:13,932
whose son
chased a slinky off a bridge.
75
00:03:14,019 --> 00:03:16,587
Rochelle, guess what I got.
76
00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,328
I know what you got.
It got me three kids.
77
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,764
No.
78
00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:21,810
It's a two-for-one coupon
for that seafood place
79
00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:23,812
that also plays baseball games.
80
00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:25,292
Catch of the Day.
81
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:26,815
Let's do a date night there.
82
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,165
I'm not going
to no seafood restaurant.
83
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:31,036
Sally Jessy
did an episode where
84
00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:34,126
a beautiful, hardworking
mother of three ate fish,
85
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,650
and do you know what happened?
86
00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:36,912
She thanked her husband
for dinner?
87
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:39,088
She got gills, Julius.
88
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:41,873
You won't catch me eating
no fish ever again.
89
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,397
Why don't you take
one of your friends?
90
00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:44,615
Friends?
91
00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,574
I got three kids,
two jobs, one wife,
92
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:48,445
and zero seconds of free time.
93
00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:49,707
Adult friends
are for rich people.
94
00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:50,926
Oh, come on.
95
00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:52,754
You've got plenty of friends.
96
00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:54,408
Well, what about--
97
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,499
Well, have fun
at work, sweetie.
98
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:01,850
You didn't get robbed.
99
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,939
You got a seat on the bus,
and the driver
100
00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:05,288
gave you a lollipop?
101
00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:07,508
- Weird, right?
- Weird great.
102
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:10,250
When you're with Drew, you get
trickle-down popularity.
103
00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:11,816
His trickles are all over you.
104
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,514
I don't want his trickles
if it means
105
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,080
I'm just known
as "Drew's brother."
106
00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:17,735
Look, it's already happening,
and we gotta reap the benefits.
107
00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:20,477
I guess if people
see me with him,
108
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:21,435
they'll think I'm cool too.
109
00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:22,784
Exactly.
110
00:04:22,871 --> 00:04:25,656
People will think
we're cool too.
111
00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,179
'Sup, girl?
112
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,356
I'm Drew's brother's brother
from another mother.
113
00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:32,620
Hmm.
114
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,928
Before there was
"American Ninja Warrior,"
115
00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:41,193
my dad was the American
no-time-for-friends warrior.
116
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,204
He dodged situations
that could lead to friendship
117
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,555
like Wesley Snipes
dodged taxes.
118
00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,208
Morning, Julius.
119
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,559
My one-man show "The Great
Fatsby" is this weekend.
120
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:01,039
I'd love for you to come!
121
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,478
Did you hear?
122
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:05,827
My doctor said the leaking
is totally normal.
123
00:05:05,914 --> 00:05:08,395
Julius, I need your help.
124
00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:09,874
I just backed my truck
into one of our co--
125
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:22,626
Howdy.
126
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:24,236
Damn it!
- Uh-oh.
127
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,717
- Who are you?
- The name's Romeo.
128
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,806
First day.
129
00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:31,243
Yeah, you know, uh, bosses said
it'll take a week
130
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,290
to get my truck ready
and, uh, to, uh,
131
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:37,989
tack on my deliveries
onto yours.
132
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,426
Heh. Yeah.
133
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,127
Okay.
134
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:50,524
Hey.
I was just looking for you.
135
00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:52,308
Wanna go on a date with us?
- Date?
136
00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:53,744
Yes!
137
00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,137
Oh, God, I never thought
this would happen for me.
138
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:56,747
We meant with Drew.
139
00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:58,401
Cool. Sounds like fun.
140
00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:00,403
But you can come, too...
141
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,536
Drew's brother.
142
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,671
Greg was right.
143
00:06:07,758 --> 00:06:09,978
Even if it meant being
stuck in Drew's shadow
144
00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:12,981
and seen as Drew's brother,
I didn't care,
145
00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:14,939
because Drew's brother
had a date.
146
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:17,333
Well, Drew had it,
but I'd be there,
147
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,422
and he can't multitask.
148
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,515
If I don't get inside,
Mama's gonna kill me,
149
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,387
Mr. Omar's gonna
have to plan my funeral.
150
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:29,389
Mr. Omar!
151
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:30,738
That's it!
- W--what's it?
152
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,392
What did you find?
- Oh, hey, Kill Moves.
153
00:06:32,479 --> 00:06:34,089
I figured out how
to get into the apartment
154
00:06:34,176 --> 00:06:36,004
before Mama's done
with her errands.
155
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:38,223
And I just remembered
Mr. Omar always comes home
156
00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:41,009
at 3:15 to console a widow.
157
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,227
Excuse me.
158
00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:43,968
I'm being summoned
by my dark lord.
159
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:48,364
Thanks, Mr. Omar.
160
00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:49,844
See you tomorrow at 3:15.
161
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,455
Actually, Miss Tonya,
no, you will not.
162
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:55,893
I'll be at a casket convention
in Atlantic City.
163
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:56,938
Tragic!
164
00:06:58,156 --> 00:07:00,245
Atlantic City? What?
165
00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:01,682
Come on, sweet cheeks.
166
00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:04,032
Let's fill that hole
in your heart.
167
00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:10,995
How was your day, baby?
168
00:07:11,082 --> 00:07:13,215
Informative.
169
00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:16,305
I watched a Sally Jessy episode
about how men can get pregnant;
170
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:18,089
they just choose not to.
171
00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:20,701
That's great.
172
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,572
Oh, God, am I pregnant?
We can't afford a new baby.
173
00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:24,139
We can't afford our old babies!
174
00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:26,097
Julius, calm down.
175
00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:27,925
I wanna hear about your day.
176
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:31,581
Oh.
I had coffee, ate half a donut.
177
00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:35,629
Shared my truck
with a guy named Romeo,
178
00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:37,805
ate the other half
of the donut.
179
00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:40,198
Hold up.
180
00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:41,286
You have a truck buddy?
181
00:07:41,373 --> 00:07:42,810
That's great, baby.
182
00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:44,899
What's he like?
What y'all talk about?
183
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:46,683
Uh...
184
00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:58,042
Julius, that poor man didn't
ask to be stuck with you.
185
00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,392
The least you could do
is be nice to him.
186
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,133
The least you can do
is let me sleep.
187
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:05,267
Sally Jessy also said
men who sass their wives
188
00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:07,312
mysteriously disappear.
189
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:09,010
See you in the morning.
190
00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:10,925
Maybe.
- Eep.
191
00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:16,626
Where's that damn spare key?
192
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:17,975
Tonya, what are you doing?
193
00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:19,411
Nothing, Mama.
194
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,501
I thought you were out.
What are you doing?
195
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,154
Walking around in my house.
196
00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:25,243
Ooh, I'm glad you haven't
left for school yet.
197
00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:26,201
Come here.
198
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,857
This meat needs to
thaw before dinner.
199
00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:31,554
I have a hair appointment
this afternoon,
200
00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,382
so I need you
to put it in the oven
201
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:36,037
right when you get home at 2:30
and not a minute after.
202
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,778
The second worst thing
after a burglar
203
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:39,910
is salmonella,
the burglars of meat.
204
00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:40,650
Yes, Mama.
205
00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:43,914
Crap.
206
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:46,047
Now how am I gonna get in
today?
207
00:08:47,352 --> 00:08:49,137
The window.
208
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:56,710
Tonya, this is why
you're everyone's favorite.
209
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,712
Phil Hartman might
be the funniest
210
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:00,757
"SNL" cast member right now.
- What?
211
00:09:00,844 --> 00:09:02,716
Eddie Murphy's
the all-time best
212
00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:03,891
for that James Brown sketch
alone.
213
00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:05,109
Uh, good God!
214
00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:06,807
Eddie Murphy
is the all-time best
215
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:09,244
for that James Brown
sketch alone.
216
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,420
Uh, that's what I just said.
217
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,727
Hello?
Can you guys hear me?
218
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,859
By being in Drew's shadow,
219
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:18,209
I ended up with no identity
at all.
220
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:20,429
I was like the Asian dude
in Black Eyed Peas.
221
00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:21,604
Hey, Drew.
222
00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:22,692
Where's Drew's brother?
223
00:09:22,779 --> 00:09:24,955
Brandy! I'm right here!
224
00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:27,262
Yeah, I haven't seen
Drew's brother all day.
225
00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:28,655
Hello.
226
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,134
Drew's brother,
right behind you.
227
00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:31,832
Mm, that's too bad.
228
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,834
I was gonna let him take me out
and pay for everything,
229
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:34,835
but for some reason,
I just don't
230
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:36,097
feel like using him anymore.
231
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:39,796
No!
232
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,888
Morning, Julius.
233
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,673
Ah.
234
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,371
both: Coffee, sugar,
cream, cream, cream.
235
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:51,025
Huh.
236
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,200
We're cream brothers.
237
00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:53,810
Ew.
238
00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:58,554
The least you can do
is be nice.
239
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,644
Don't you stir me away, Ju--
240
00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:08,956
Romeo, uh, if you get
a coffee when they restock,
241
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:13,003
you can take a few extra
Styrofoam cups.
242
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:14,701
Never mind.
243
00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:18,313
You know, um, if you come
between 8:50 and 9:00 a.m.,
244
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,272
you can take the day-old donuts
before they're trashed.
245
00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:24,493
I'm pretty cheap.
246
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,103
Me too.
247
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:27,235
You ever made
your own toothbrush?
248
00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:28,889
Why?
249
00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:30,499
I got a perfectly
good one right here.
250
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,414
Damn.
251
00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:35,460
Greg, can you see me?
252
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:36,592
Yes.
253
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,986
Uh, why wouldn't I be able to?
254
00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:40,727
Because no one else can.
Wait.
255
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:42,424
Maybe you can see me
256
00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:44,861
because you're an even bigger
loser than I am.
257
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:47,211
Yeah, exactly.
Wait, I don't want that.
258
00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:49,387
Being Drew's brother
has made me a nobody,
259
00:10:49,474 --> 00:10:51,999
and I need to figure out
how to get out of his shadow.
260
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:53,827
Okay, but would you rather
go back to being
261
00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:55,306
a skinny nerd that everyone
hates?
262
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,874
What? No.
Both are terrible options.
263
00:10:57,961 --> 00:11:00,137
I wanna have my own cool thing.
264
00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:02,836
That day I tried
anything and everything
265
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:05,577
to create a new identity.
266
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,014
Backpack in front guy!
267
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:07,841
No.
268
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:11,540
Literal class clown guy.
269
00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:14,021
- No.
- Damn it.
270
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:17,154
Antihero teen heartthrob guy.
271
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:18,852
- No one's gonna buy that.
- Hey, guys. What's up?
272
00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:20,070
Oh, good God!
273
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,551
Chris, that was dope.
274
00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:25,162
You guys, check this out.
275
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:26,598
Uh...
276
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:30,037
It's too hot in the hot tub.
277
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:31,821
Eddie Murphy?
278
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,954
That's funny.
279
00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,346
Hey,
you're really good at that.
280
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:36,870
Wow, you did it.
281
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,132
You're out of Drew's shadow,
282
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:39,873
and you found
your own personality.
283
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,265
Doing an impression of a guy
284
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,528
doing an impression
of another guy.
285
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:54,409
If there's a burglar,
I'll cut your burgling hands.
286
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,508
That's what I thought.
287
00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:09,729
Our next guests are
the four elderly prostitutes
288
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,643
who inspired "Golden Girls."
289
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,993
What are you doing home?
290
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,429
I finished
my deliveries early,
291
00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:15,865
and I've wanted to nap
before going back.
292
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,475
How nice.
293
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,304
Did a certain new friend
have something to do with it?
294
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:21,958
He might have.
295
00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:23,612
Just say I was right, Julius.
296
00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,309
Of course you were right.
297
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:26,833
Romeo and I actually
have a lot in common.
298
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,138
In fact, we're getting dinner.
299
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:30,488
Oh, that's great, baby,
300
00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:32,664
especially 'cause now
I don't have to go.
301
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,797
I bet his wife would be happy
to have a night
302
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:36,625
to herself too.
- Oh, no wife.
303
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:37,582
He's single.
- Nope.
304
00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:39,454
Can't ever see him again.
305
00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:42,152
Rochelle, you can't tell me
who I can and can't see.
306
00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:44,415
Julius, single men his age
are trouble.
307
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,940
They go to strip clubs,
have weird pets.
308
00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:47,941
Their lips are always chapped.
309
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:49,594
Rochelle, that's crazy.
310
00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:51,945
Let me guess--
that's what Sally said?
311
00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:53,163
You gotta watch something else.
312
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:54,948
She said you would say that.
313
00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:56,036
I think you're overreacting.
314
00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:57,864
Look at that.
315
00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,691
Nap time's over. Back to work.
316
00:13:00,692 --> 00:13:02,912
Oh.
317
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,827
My man works so hard,
318
00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:07,438
and I wish I hadn't pushed him
to make friends.
319
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:10,746
Now he has no jobs,
two wives, and six kids.
320
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:13,662
To think this
wouldn't have happened
321
00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:16,621
if you let your man
live his life, Rochelle.
322
00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:19,711
You don't know me, Sally.
323
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:20,887
I'm done.
324
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:26,675
Chris, I heard you do
a good Eddie Murphy.
325
00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:27,937
I love him.
326
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:29,852
He's the right kinda
you people.
327
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:31,419
Stand up and let me see it.
328
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:32,899
Okay.
329
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:35,597
If you insist.
330
00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:37,033
Do you think we got a pop quiz?
331
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,079
Ah, ah.
I think we got a pop quiz.
332
00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:40,515
Good God! Hey!
333
00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:45,085
Ow.
- You're not funny.
334
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,738
The only reason
people are laughing
335
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:47,914
is 'cause Drew told them to.
336
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:49,567
You suck, James Black.
337
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:53,876
That's funny?
338
00:13:56,531 --> 00:13:58,011
What the hell?
339
00:13:58,098 --> 00:13:59,447
It's closed!
340
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:02,189
Oh, no.
341
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:03,930
The meat burglars.
342
00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:10,110
all:
343
00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:21,425
Salmonella! Salmonella!
344
00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:27,170
If that salmonella
don't kill me, my mama will.
345
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:29,390
Did you tell people
to laugh at my impressions?
346
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:30,826
Yeah.
What's the big deal?
347
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:33,133
Do you know how that feels?
348
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:44,796
The big deal is that
it's embarrassing.
349
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,538
Well, Mom asked me
to look out for you, so...
350
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,149
But I'm your older brother.
351
00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:50,715
I'm the one who's supposed
to be looking out for you.
352
00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:54,284
How could you
look out for me?
353
00:14:57,766 --> 00:14:59,246
Hey!
354
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,552
As Sensei Jason says,
hugs before shoves,
355
00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:03,685
but shoves deserve shoves.
356
00:15:05,382 --> 00:15:09,256
crowd:
Drew! Drew! Drew!
357
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:10,953
I hate going
to school with you.
358
00:15:12,955 --> 00:15:14,739
You ripped
my favorite shirt.
359
00:15:16,219 --> 00:15:18,265
Oh, that was an accident.
360
00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:22,312
Ah!
361
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:23,879
If that kick had been
one inch lower,
362
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,228
I wouldn't have kids.
363
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,624
I'm so busted.
364
00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:31,104
What you doing,
little unfunny dude
365
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:32,714
from across the street sister?
366
00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:34,324
I lost my house key
and can't get back in.
367
00:15:34,411 --> 00:15:36,413
My parents are gonna be pissed.
368
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:37,675
No problem, shorty.
369
00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:38,633
I got you.
370
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,070
Jerome!
371
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:42,942
You broke our window!
372
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:45,205
You're welcome.
373
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:57,478
This isn't the last of us!
374
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:08,184
Now, how do I blame this
on Chris?
375
00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:11,666
Hey-hey, Big J.
Ah, excited for tonight.
376
00:16:11,753 --> 00:16:13,537
You know, your, uh--
your boy here
377
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:15,887
doesn't go out
to restaurants that much.
378
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,498
You're married to your job.
379
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:18,934
Hell, I would be, too,
if I hadn't
380
00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:20,327
already married Rochelle.
381
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:22,372
No, because I just eat
at the strip club.
382
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:23,504
Oh.
383
00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:25,723
Speaking of,
let me say thanks
384
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:28,030
for dinner by taking
you to dessert at, uh,
385
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,945
Jiggle 'n Juice.
386
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:32,426
Uh, I don't know.
387
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:35,690
Come on, they have
unlimited breasts and thighs.
388
00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:37,039
And chicken.
389
00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:38,345
The cover is 50 bucks,
390
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,303
but you get ten minutes
in the Rosé Room.
391
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:41,565
$50?
392
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,263
I thought you said
you were cheap.
393
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:46,005
I am--so I can spend money
on my true passions.
394
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:49,486
Strippers, sparkling wine,
and my jaguar.
395
00:16:49,573 --> 00:16:50,835
You drive a Jaguar?
396
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:53,490
No! The animal.
397
00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:56,406
Ah, not supposed to have it
in my apartment, but, God,
398
00:16:56,493 --> 00:16:58,321
he's barely attacked
anyone but me.
399
00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:00,367
Whoa. Ugh.
400
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:04,110
Romeo, I'm a family man.
401
00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:06,068
So, sadly,
I'm gonna have to take
402
00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:08,157
a forever rain check
on all that.
403
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:14,685
Guess we can, uh, only be
work friends, then, huh?
404
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:27,829
Uh, I should go see
if my truck's ready.
405
00:17:27,916 --> 00:17:29,787
Hey, we'll always have
406
00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:31,659
coffee, sugar,
cream, cream, cream.
407
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,791
Yeah.
408
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:34,966
Hey, Marquis!
409
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,707
See you at the Jiggle?
410
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,539
Hmm, what happened
to Drew's shirt?
411
00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:44,976
And why are you
holding your nuts?
412
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,762
Uh, Drew and I
got into a fight about--
413
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,633
oh, never mind.
414
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:50,765
It's none of your business.
415
00:17:50,852 --> 00:17:53,028
Boys, groceries!
416
00:17:57,989 --> 00:18:00,340
I envy you boys.
417
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,298
It's hard making new friends.
418
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:05,214
The older you get, the less
in common you have with folks.
419
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,651
All the friends I had
when I was younger are gone.
420
00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:11,133
Some moved, some died,
some became cops.
421
00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:13,440
You boys are lucky
you have each other.
422
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:16,007
A brother's someone
you always have time for.
423
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,531
He's a built-in friend.
424
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,141
Like you and Uncle Louis?
425
00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:21,187
No.
That chiropractor show-off.
426
00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:23,189
He can rot in fake doctor hell,
427
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:25,321
right next to the podiatrists
and dentists.
428
00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:27,018
Okay, my bad. Jeez.
429
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,542
Boys, go wash up for dinner.
430
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:30,326
I'll help your dad
with the rest.
431
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:32,154
Did you say something
to Dad, you narc?
432
00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:33,634
No.
433
00:18:33,721 --> 00:18:35,636
He's probably just
reflecting on his day, fool.
434
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,116
Hey, baby.
435
00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:39,161
- You were right.
- I know.
436
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:40,380
About what?
437
00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:41,642
Let's just say me and Romeo
438
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:43,818
are only gonna be work friends.
439
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:47,343
I guess
I won't be using this.
440
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:48,953
Pfft. You think we're rich?
441
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,694
We can't waste a coupon.
442
00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:52,566
Date night?
- Ah.
443
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,263
Dinner with my best friend
and wife?
444
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:57,962
Best two-for-one there is.
445
00:18:58,049 --> 00:18:59,573
He had a pet tiger,
didn't he?
446
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,052
- Nope.
- Panther?
447
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,924
Leopard. Snow leopard.
448
00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:08,582
Aw, thanks for helping.
449
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:10,758
It's nice to be able
to rely on you.
450
00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:12,847
Oh, Mama, if only you could.
451
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:15,937
I--I feel awful, Mama. Awful.
452
00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:17,504
I had to break a window
to get in and--
453
00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:18,766
You what?
454
00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:21,334
Drew and Chris
got into a fight,
455
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:23,031
and the thought of
my brothers fighting
456
00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:26,165
broke my heart so much that
I forgot where I put my key,
457
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:28,776
and I got locked out.
458
00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,908
Oh, baby, it's okay.
459
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:33,520
Go ask Daddy,
and he'll get you another key.
460
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,478
Tonya got away
with it again.
461
00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:37,654
But I got her back
on her wedding day.
462
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:40,091
I upstaged her
by just showing up.
463
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,745
Excuse me.
464
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,007
I need to deal
with your brothers.
465
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:47,969
So, uh, is your shirt
ripped that bad?
466
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:50,189
Nah.
I'm sure Mom could fix it.
467
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,756
Are your, you know, okay?
468
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,280
I don't know yet.
469
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:56,543
It's like they're
morphed into one.
470
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,545
We admitted respect
for each other
471
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:00,416
the way every man does
with his friends,
472
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:03,376
by not admitting a damn thing.
473
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:08,119
You were fighting?
474
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,078
I told both of you
to stick together
475
00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:11,514
so you wouldn't get
in trouble and--
476
00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:13,168
both:
It's my fault.
477
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,648
So if you're
gonna punish us...
478
00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:16,606
You'll have to punish
both of us.
479
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:19,435
Sticking together now, huh?
480
00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:20,958
Well, I'm glad
my boys are friends.
481
00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:24,005
But that ain't
how this works.
482
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:25,702
Chris, you're the oldest,
483
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:27,617
and you should set a better
example for your brother.
484
00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:29,010
You know better.
485
00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:30,751
Drew, leave us.
486
00:20:34,581 --> 00:20:37,410
I'm gonna slap you
into next Tuesday.
487
00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:39,890
Well, Sally,
I was just sitting there
488
00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:41,631
on a random Tuesday,
489
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,807
and then this other Chris
showed up.
490
00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:46,288
But there can be only one.
491
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:50,336
singers: ♪ Everybody
still hates Chris ♪
34273
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