Original subtitles

IRA: Space. Dark, still, cold.

But also, hot sometimes.

Then a meteor!

Barreling straight towards Earth!

Oh, no! It's going to hit the softball game!

What will we do?

Back to the incoming meteor!

(IMITATES EXPLOSION)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

IRA: (IMITATING PARENT) (SCREAMS) Somebody save us!

-Oh, no! My baby! -(CRYING)

COACH DAN: All right, Taylor, bring 'em home!

(AIR HORN BLOWING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Then enters my big sister! The mighty warrior!

But is she strong enough?

It's Champion-Taylor to the rescue!

(KIDS GIGGLING)

-Look at him. What is he, five? -So weird.

-Who's he even talking to? -Hey.

-(BOTH SCREAMING) -(CACKLES)

(CONTINUES GIGGLING)

-Taylor! When do we get treats? -It's the first inning, Ira.

-(CROWD CHEERING) -Whoo!

IRA: Taylor!

-I caught a cicada! -That's great, buddy.

Do you know that they make babies butt-to-butt?

Ew.

(CHOKES) Ah! Get it off!

Taylor! How much longer?

FRANK: Out! That's game.

Finally!

ALL: Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game.

Good game! Good game! Good game!

Hey! Pickles players only, kid.

COACH DAN: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONE)

-Pure gold, right? -COW: Beef!

The sound effects were so good.

COACH DAN: Blah, blah, blah...

(GRUNTS) Stupid Yuwen.

-Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. -(SLURPING)

-PLAYERS: Go Pickles! -Taylor!

-Tell me you've seen Yuwen's video. -Oh, let me see.

-(MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONE) -(ALL LAUGHING)

I hate how much I love this.

-It's low-key hilarious. -COW: Beef!

Someone help! Please!

I'm slowly dying of boredom!

-Cows are funny. -I guess.

-Bye, Tay. -Bye!

So, you wanna play Smash when we get home?

You're going down tonight.

I will crush you, and rebuild you. Then crush you again!

Oh, yeah? Put your money where your mouth is.

-YUWEN: No! I like Taylor. -(KIDS EXCLAIM)

Taylor, you know that you love me.

What? (SNICKERS)

-So, you wanna go out or what? -Oh. Um...

-Really? That's your approach? Smooth. -(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Ira, please be cool.

I'm always cool. You be cool.

Just give me 20 minutes.

But you promised. Video games, together?

(SIGHS) You really need to find some friends.

-YUWEN: Yes! Yes, yes, yes! -Whatever.

(CHUCKLES)

Do you like movies? I was thinking we could see one.

(CHUCKLES)

I have friends.

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

Bored, bored, bored, bored. (CLICKING TONGUE) Bored!

(GRUNTS, GASPS)

BRIAN: He made you cry, Rinna. RINNA: I never cry.

-KEVIN: Quack. -BRIAN: For no reason at all.

-Thanks. -RINNA: Eighth grade was so last year,

-I don't know why you keep bringing it up! -He's a bully.

And bullying, say it with me,

-is such sheeple behavior. Thank you. -(CHICKEN-KEV QUACKING)

Brian! (SPEAKING KOREAN)

(IN ENGLISH) Time to exact revenge.

(SQUELCHING)

BRIAN: I hope you like your eggs scrambled and on your car.

-Order up! -Quack!

(SCREAMS) Sorry, Mr. Duck, uh, Chicken?

-I was just looking for someone. -Quack!

Don't worry about Kev. He's just our weirdo mascot.

He was born with a really rare disease.

That chicken suit is the only thing keeping him alive.

Rinna, please. Kev was obviously raised by chickens. Duh.

And in order to survive, Kev slowly became one of them.

Quack, quack.

Maybe Chicken-Kev actually isn't a mascot at all.

Mmm-hmm.

But, like, an ancient soul enchanted into a mascot suit

who's awakened by the roar of the crowd...

(QUACKS)

IRA: ...to cheer the underdog team to victory!

(CROWD CHEERING)

IRA: After the game's won,

he kinda just goes back to being an empty costume.

So, really, Chicken-Kev is just the will to win inside us all.

-Whoa! -(BOTH LAUGH)

That's real. That's really real.

All right, what's up, kid? You wanna help us bring down the man?

Um... (CLICKS TONGUE) Actually, I'm good.

Oops.

-Hey! Mr. Brown's on the move! -RINNA: (GASPS) Be cool.

(FRANK GASPS)

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

Hey, kid! Did you see who did this?

Uh...

Um, yeah. So, we were just hangin' out, like bros.

And all of a sudden, eggs started raining down from the sky!

Yolk was going everywhere!

Mostly on your car. Don't know why.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Quack, quack, quack.

Yeah, little man. Spot on! You're part of this now.

I'm Rinna. That loudmouth is Brian.

You may call me Dr. Brian.

Don't believe anything he says.

And you've met Kevin.

-Quack, quack. -I'm Ira.

Pleasure to meet you.

-TAYLOR: Ira, let's go! -Oh, gotta run.

TAYLOR: Ira, don't make me come over there.

I'm coming.

Friends!

ALL: Friends! Friends! Friends!

(IRA HUMMING)

TAYLOR: Hey, ding-dong.

Ira. Ira!

-Hey! Cut it out! -Why were you hanging out with...

(CHUCKLES) Yep. I know.

Oh, Taylor's team made it to the championship this year. Yeah.

Why were you hanging out with the Bleacher Creatures today?

-Bleacher what? -Brian, Rinna and Kevin.

Don't be jealous because I have cool friends now.

Ira! Look at you makin' friends.

-Did you hear that, Mom? -"Friends"? Mom put me in charge.

I don't wanna get in trouble 'cause you're hanging out with "sheeple."

You're the sheeple. (IMITATES BLEATING)

Fine. Have it your way.

You know, they told Mr. Brown they're not going to college?

-(GASPS) -(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS)

IRA'S MOM: Who's not going to college?

(ECHOING) Is this true, Ira?

(GRUNTS)

Um, uh... Actually, Taylor has a boyfriend!

-Boyfriend? -Mom, no, no, no! He's lying!

-He's not my boyfriend! -Wait till your father hears about this.

Did someone say "boyfriend"?

Ooh, my little girl's growin' up!

When can we meet this lucky dude? I'm gonna make my special lasagna,

-you know I got that 7 cheeses though. -Ira, you are so dead.

Does he like cheese? He's gotta like cheese.

-He can't be your boyfriend-- -Stop!

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(BEEPING)

Hey! Wait for me!

Tattle-tale.

Taylor! Taylor! Taylor! Check this out.

Hey, Ira.

Your sister and I are, uh, kinda dating now.

Guess that means we're, you know, makes us bros.

-Ew! Ira! -Ah! That was disgusting.

I'm so sorry, Yuwie. He's a little shy-shy.

I'd be shy, too, if my sister were so breathtaking.

Boy, you so crazy!

Hey, I got this poem. I--I mean, I wrote the poem.

-What? Stop! -Um...

Yeah, do you wanna hear it?

You so sweet.

"Taylor, oh, how I adore thee.

"The way you organize your locker, alphabetically."

(CHUCKLES)

"A summer day is as beautiful as thee.

"The way your cheeks glitter when you look at me.

"I love the way you hiccup when you laugh.

"It lets me know that I'm..."

"Yuwen, Yuwen, he really sucks. When he speaks, I wanna self-destruct."

-KEVIN: Quack, quack. -BRIAN: Miss Garett says

if I miss another day, then she's gonna fail me,

-so what option do I have? -RINNA: You're really failing PE?

I see everyone running around in a circle like sheeple.

RINNA: It's just participation.

You dress, you feign interest, you pass.

BRIAN: I just can't. Honestly, I think it's a phobia.

-Quack. -BRIAN: No, really.

-I honestly do. -Hey.

Hey! It's the little dude from Saturday. It's, um, it's "Ira," right?

I have a really bad, like, Australian-sounding accent.

But I'm really bad at it. Do you wanna hear it?

Okay, yeah.

Just like... They spend most of their lives underground, mate.

Yeah, no. I think there's somethin' in there.

I'm starving!

And I lose my sparkle with low blood sugar.

Well, why don't we play Snack Shack Attack?

-Quack, quack. -What's that?

CHERYL: All right, enjoy the playoffs.

Okay, Rinna. Drop the beat.

(BEATBOXING)

All right, little dude.

Cheryl over there,

she's been takin' advantage of this sector for years.

We can't stop the evil empire of capitalism,

but we can do our part to slow it down.

Come on, little man. It'll be fun.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

For the Resistance!

(IRA CLEARS THROAT)

What can I do for you, sugar?

Whoa! Oh. Uh, I'm just looking.

Guaranteed best wares in this sector of the galaxy.

-IRA: Oh. Really? That looks nice. -Quack, quack.

-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) -(GASPS)

(GASPS) Wow.

Um... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

May I interest you in one of our cornolion-dogs?

Double nugget! Double nugget!

The more you pressure me, the slower I go. Whoa!

Uh, hey! Hey! I'll take two.

I'm too hangry for this.

(WARBLES)

The Resistance!

-Quack! -(GASPS)

-(SINISTER VOICE) Not on my watch! -Run! Run!

Time for me to jet.

-(BOTH LAUGH) -I told you it'd work.

I can't believe we just made that happen.

-I'm so proud of you guys. -Quack, quack.

And look. Our MVP.

You made this whole thing happen. (CHUCKLES)

BRIAN: Yo, huddle up. Creatures on me. RINNA: He's so little.

BRIAN: He could be like my little sidekick dude.

-KEVIN: Quack. -BRIAN: Ira.

-Well, if you don't wanna join... -No, no, no! I was just, uh, processing.

Bleacher Creatures for life!

-Quack, quack! -(ALL LAUGHING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

-Quack! -RINNA: Whoo!

Mmm

-Come on! -Quack, quack!

Yeah, yeah, yeah

-Whoo! -(ALL LAUGHING)

Mmm

(GASPS)

Don't worry. I got you.

-Whoo-hoo! -Quack, quack!

-I remember when the skies were gray -(SCREAMS)

But I don't see no clouds today

Floatin' up into outer space

I must be dreamin' awake

All right. Your turn, little man.

-(BANGING) -(GASPS)

(ALL CHUCKLING)

I don't care if you're an octopus. You're family to me.

(CRYING)

(RINNA EXCLAIMS)

(ALL LAUGHING)

-Whoo-hoo! -Quack, quack.

(TIRES SCREECH)

Seriously, Kev's cousin throws unreal parties.

(SCOFFS) Better be.

-You know I don't do social events. -Trust me, it's gonna be lit!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

-Yo, everyone. This is Ira. He's cool. -(MUSIC STOPS)

(ALL CHEERING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

RINNA: So, little man, is your sister still dating that goofball pitcher?

Yeah, so, she used to be cool, you know? Really cool.

(LEGENDARY MUSIC PLAYING)

IRA: But now, she's like a lovesick dummy.

-(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) -(EVIL LAUGHTER)

Boo! She sounds like the pits.

If she doesn't wanna hang out with you,

-it's her loss. -Quack.

Okay. Who wants some

(MIMICS ROBOTIC VOICE) intergalactic candy courtesy of Cyborg Cheryl?

(PHONE VIBRATING)

Brian, Braids is here.

Oh, Kev. Bring her to the garage. That'll be such a mood.

Quack, quack.

-Hi, thief. -(SHRIEKS)

-(CHANTING) Thief! Thief! Thief! -(GASPS)

Thief! Thief! Thief! Thief!

-Take us back to Sweden! -Thief! Thief! Thief!

There are many fish in the sea. Choose wisely. (BURPS)

Brian. Brian?

BOY: Whoa! Watch out, bud.

-BRIAN: What? That is not important, Kev. -Brian, please!

Found you. Hey, you guys wanna play Smash or something? I'm really good.

-Quack! -Hey, stop!

What are you waiting for? Go after her!

It's your plan, you go after her.

(TIRES SCREECH)

She's gonna rat us out!

-Stupid! Stupid, stupid! -Brian, chill.

IRA: What's wrong, Brian?

(GROWLS) Get that stupid thing out of my face! This is serious.

What's wrong with you? That's not cool!

Dude, stop bein' a baby, Ira, come back!

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(DOG BARKING)

-(DOOR OPENS) -IRA'S MOM: Yeah, she's not talkin'.

Mmm-hmm.

There you are. Ira, let's go!

-I think they've broken up. -We're not broken up!

-Oh. Okay. -We're just going through a rough patch.

They're in a rough patch.

(DOOR CLOSES)

-(CAR BEEPING) -TAYLOR: Boys are so dumb.

I don't even wanna play tonight. What's the point?

IRA'S MOM: I know it hurts, sweetie.

But you worked so hard to get to the championship.

Mmm-hmm. And Grammy says, "Don't let someone else steal your joy."

Yuwen, tell me what's going on. Use your words.

-Hey, Taylor? -"Use your words."

-You're being rude. -Taylor.

You're rude. It was a joke.

-IRA: Taylor! -(SIGHS) What is it?

(SCOFFS)

Unbelievable.

I did something. Something bad...

Ira, stop!

I told you to stay away from the Bleacher Creatures.

-But I did... -You know what? I'm done.

I'm tired of having to make little boys feel better about themselves.

Grow up.

(AIR HORN BLOWING)

Okay, Ma. She's up.

Go, Taylor! Whoo! Go, Taylor!

"I'm sorry I stole."

"I owe you about 20 more fish."

Psst. Hey, little man. Over here.

I just... I wanted to say that I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I acted like a real sheeple. You can say it.

Friends again?

Lungs heavy

I'm unsteady

Pull me close to the sun so I can feel something warm

'Cause at the end of the day

We're just floating in space

Is it all just a dream?

Or will we ever find out what it all means?

Sweet dreaming

I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, yeah

Sweet dreaming

I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, yeah

Sweet dreaming

Is everything as it seems?

Is it just all a dream?

Will we ever find out what it all means?

Is it all just a dream?

Will we ever find out what it means?

Is it all just a dream?

Will we ever find out what it means?

Is it all just a dream?

Will we ever find out what it means?

Is it all just a dream?

But I know what it means, yeah

Lungs heavy

I'm unsteady

Just pull me close to the sun

So I can feel something warm

-'Cause at the end of the day -At the end of the day

-We're just floating in space -We're just floating in space

-Is it all just a dream? -Is it all just a dream?

Or will we ever find out what it all means?

I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, yeah

I wonder, I wonder, I wonder, yeah

Is everything as it seems?

Or is it just all a dream?

Will we ever find out what it all means?