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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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- Hey, buddy.
- Hi, Uncle Charlie.
2
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- Ready for a fun weekend?
- He's not gonna have a fun weekend.
3
00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,359
Charlie, he's gonna study
for a history test on Monday.
4
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Well, if believing that gets you back
in your car, I'll play along.
5
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- Where's Alan?
- He's not here.
6
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Really? I told him I was on my way.
7
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That might be why he's not here.
8
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,354
Okay, I'll just have to go
over everything with you.
9
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:23,999
I'm gonna visit my parents.
10
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:27,436
I won't pick Jake up till Wednesday.
Alan has to take him to school.
11
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,874
Monday is soccer practice.
12
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,759
He has his math tutor
and his guitar teacher on Tuesday...
13
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:32,989
Hang on. Hang on.
14
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,757
Oh, hi, Judith.
15
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,070
Alan, why are you avoiding me?
16
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:51,711
- I'm not avoiding you as much as...
- Hiding.
17
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,516
- Thank you.
- Why were you hiding?
18
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:58,116
Why does the wounded gazelle
hide from the stealthy jaguar?
19
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,398
Why does the helpless piglet
hide from ravenous wolverine?
20
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,114
Animal Planet.
21
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,516
You learn a lot.
22
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,355
We need to talk
about your pain-in-the-ass mother.
23
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:13,873
You know, I would love to...
24
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,669
...but as Charlie told you, I'm not here.
- I let her take Jake out to dinner.
25
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She brought him home and she lectured
me for 15 minutes about his dirty ears.
26
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,712
- Fifteen minutes, huh?
- How long is this gonna take?
27
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Like I'm a bad parent.
28
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:29,272
Let her try and get a Q-Tip
in a squirming 11 -year-old boy's ear.
29
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Mom didn't believe in Q-Tips.
She had a squirt gun.
30
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,354
You know, the woolly meerkat
of western Africa...
31
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:38,637
...buries her cubs up to their necks
and licks their ears clean.
32
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,111
What? It seemed apropos.
33
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,748
If she wants to spend time
with her grandson...
34
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,150
...she needs to back off.
- Okay, I'll tell her.
35
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:50,232
- Thank you.
- I'll tell Alan you stopped by.
36
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:02,349
Okay, Lewis and Clark explored what?
37
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,034
- I don't remember.
- You just read that chapter.
38
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,272
Yeah, but Lewis and Clark
was a long time ago.
39
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,989
Thanks for the ride, Sally.
40
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,597
And for getting me home too.
41
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,957
- Why is that funny?
- It's not.
42
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Mustang Sally, giddyup.
43
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,471
Now, Lewis and Clark.
44
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Face it, Dad,
I'm just not good at history.
45
00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:30,990
Really? What did you have
for lunch yesterday?
46
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,957
A pizza square. Actually, two
pizza squares, a ice cream sandwich...
47
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,918
...and a bag of Skittles.
- Okay, see, that's history.
48
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,116
And a Ding Dong and a diet root beer.
49
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,477
- Great.
- Wait. It wasn't a Ding Dong.
50
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,358
- It was a Ho Ho.
- Got it.
51
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,795
You know what I like?
Those big, pink things with coconut.
52
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,669
- Snow Balls?
- Exactly. Can you still get those?
53
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,638
Yeah, but not at the supermarket.
You have to go to 7-Eleven.
54
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,756
Thank you.
55
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,480
Alan, will you drive me to 7-Eleven?
56
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,671
No, we are trying to study.
57
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,398
All right, I'll hoof it.
58
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,550
- Can I bring you back something?
- Ding Dong.
59
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,597
Who's there?
60
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:13,796
I'm trying to get him ready for his test.
61
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:18,829
Sorry. Sorry. You go ahead.
I'll pretend I'm not here.
62
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:23,599
Okay, Lewis and Clark explored what?
63
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,079
Louisiana Purchase.
64
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,158
- Right.
- I knew that.
65
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,311
Yeah, but Uncle Charlie buzzed first.
66
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,710
And I'm still buzzed.
67
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,592
- Okay, give me another question.
- All right.
68
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,558
Seward's Folly
is another name for?
69
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:42,994
- Jake?
- Alaska.
70
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:47,711
- Very good.
- Oh, I was gonna say Mrs. Seward.
71
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,598
Okay, the score is 1 to 1.
72
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,159
Now that you mention it...
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00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,914
...an Eskimo Pie would go down
pretty good right now.
74
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,398
Alan, will you drive me to 7-Eleven?
75
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:01,553
No, next question:
76
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,553
- The War of 1812...
- 1812.
77
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,794
- No.
- 1813.
78
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:10,674
Let me finish the question.
79
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,400
The War of 1812 was fought
against whom?
80
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,835
- The British.
- Very good, 2 to 1, Jake.
81
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,197
- Yes.
- No fair. My buzzer's broken.
82
00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:23,477
- Next question.
- Let me try yours.
83
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,957
See? His works.
84
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,595
All right, contestants,
we are at the final round.
85
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,079
The questions are worth more.
86
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,959
- And the answers are harder.
- True.
87
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:43,635
- Wait for a question.
- Okay.
88
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,997
Here we go. Name three changes
in American life...
89
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,230
...brought about
by the industrial revolution.
90
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:55,354
Populations shift to cities, employment
moving from farms to factories, and...
91
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,712
- Yes?
- Sorry, I hit it by mistake.
92
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,911
- Settlement of the West.
- That's correct.
93
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,196
- You are our new champion.
- Yes.
94
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,635
Settlement of the West.
95
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:12,315
- You see, Jake? You know this stuff.
- Yeah, I guess I do.
96
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,711
- Trust me, you are gonna do great.
- Yeah, thanks, Dad.
97
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,757
You're welcome.
Now go get ready for bed.
98
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:21,754
- I'll be there in a minute to tuck you in.
- Okey-dokey.
99
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:31,991
Oh, I gotta get a security camera.
100
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,230
Where's your brother?
I wanna talk to him.
101
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,039
- He's not here.
- Oh, really?
102
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,112
No, he's actually not here.
103
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,032
You know what his ex-wife
said to me?
104
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,111
Mom, please go away.
105
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,953
She never calls me "Mom,"
but that was the gist of it.
106
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:48,708
I took Jake out to dinner...
107
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,075
- You're pretending not to understand me.
- Right.
108
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,708
And all I did was suggest to Judith...
109
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,793
...that she might wanna pay a little more
attention to her son's ear hygiene.
110
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,315
Not only was she completely
unappreciative...
111
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,711
...but she had the nerve to denigrate
how I raised my sons.
112
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,997
Yeah, because we turned out so well.
113
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,914
Excuse me, but whatever
emotional issues you think you have...
114
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,913
...I kept your ears spotless.
115
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,116
I remember.
You used the same Super Soaker...
116
00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:18,430
...to keep us off the furniture.
117
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,318
Ladies and gentlemen...
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00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:25,873
...presenting noted scholar
and A-student, Jake Harper.
119
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:29,599
- You got an A?
- I got an A.
120
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,877
- All right. Way to go.
- Congratulations, Jake.
121
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:37,636
- Thanks. It's my first A this year.
- Really? Well, it's none too soon then.
122
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,950
- Mom, leave it alone.
- I'm not saying anything.
123
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,032
I think it's wonderful.
Did anybody else in your class get an A?
124
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,713
Almost everybody. Why?
125
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,269
Oh, I was just curious
as to how hard the test was.
126
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,158
It doesn't matter, Mom.
Still an A.
127
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,676
An A is very nice. I just don't know
why you're making such a big fuss...
128
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:56,116
...if they're just handing them out
like rubella vaccinations.
129
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:58,669
I don't know.
It looks like a pretty hard test to me.
130
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,875
- No, it was easy.
- That's because you studied.
131
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,429
- You earned that A.
- Wendy Chow got an A-plus.
132
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,750
You hear that?
Wendy Chow got an A-plus.
133
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,309
Wendy Chow is a freak of nature.
134
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,914
She cloned a goldfish
for the science fair.
135
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,433
We can't compare Jake to her.
136
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,990
Who should we compare him to then?
The paste eaters and the unibrows?
137
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:20,838
Darling, if you set the bar
low in childhood...
138
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,275
...he may never reach
the heights he's capable of.
139
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,318
You're condemning him
to a life of failure and mediocrity.
140
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,677
Is that what you want, Jake?
A life of failure and mediocrity?
141
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,279
No.
142
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,476
You see? He may well be sharper
than you give him credit for.
143
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:39,992
I'm gonna go to my room.
144
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,830
I am putting that A-paper
up on the fridge.
145
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,310
Wow. Texas used to be
a separate country.
146
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,677
Why did we change that?
147
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,352
Not now, Charlie.
How dare you?
148
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,434
- Excuse me?
- He worked hard on that test.
149
00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,637
He was finally feeling good
about himself and his abilities...
150
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,711
...and in 30 seconds
you managed to suck...
151
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,713
...every bit of self-esteem out of him.
You're like a...
152
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,394
- A self-esteem sucker.
- Yes, exactly.
153
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,954
Alan, I was just having
a conversation with the boy.
154
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,634
No. No, you don't
have conversations. You...
155
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,109
Suck self-esteem.
156
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,196
I would've gotten it.
157
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:25,956
Mom, I am sorry, but I don't think
I want you around my son anymore.
158
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,596
- What?
- You heard me.
159
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:29,875
You will not do to him...
160
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,918
...what you did to me and Charlie.
- What did I do to you?
161
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,311
What did you do? What did she...?
Charlie, tell her.
162
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,957
Why tell her when we can show her?
163
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,236
I see. So you're both
turning against me.
164
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,233
Oh, I turned a long time ago.
165
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,634
Alan's just catching up.
166
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,670
All right, fine.
167
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,400
If I'm not welcome here...
168
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:03,834
...I'll leave.
169
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,954
My own sons are throwing me out.
170
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,352
Goodbye.
171
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,471
This isn't over, is it?
172
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,556
No, we're screwed.
173
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,111
Let me guess. Mom?
174
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,238
She's been calling all morning.
I'm starting to feel guilty.
175
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:39,029
You can't show weakness, Alan.
She'll sense it.
176
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,509
Like the hooded cobra senses
the rapid heartbeat...
177
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,318
...of a panic-stricken kangaroo rat.
178
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,596
But don't you feel
even a bit sorry for her?
179
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,832
Does the mongoose feel sorry
for the wounded garden-snake?
180
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:56,552
Does the dingo feel sorry
for the slow-crawling Australian baby?
181
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,115
- You guys okay?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
182
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,918
We're fine. Why?
183
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,311
Your mother just called me. She said
she's been trying to reach you...
184
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,198
...all morning
and she's very worried.
185
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,396
- We're fine, Rose.
- We're not talking to her.
186
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:14,712
Why? Because she tried to encourage
Jake to live up to his potential?
187
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,758
That's a reason to throw her out
and slam the door in her face?
188
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,509
How could you be so cruel
to your own mother?
189
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,789
And the dingo has found
another Australian baby.
190
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,237
Rose, that's not what happened.
191
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:31,719
We were protecting Jake.
192
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:35,111
How? By ripping his only grandmother
out of his life?
193
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:38,955
- He has another grandmother.
- Oh, right, the Sacramento pill-freak.
194
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,230
Is that what she told you?
195
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,311
For the record,
Jake's other grandmother...
196
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,436
...is out of rehab and doing just fine.
197
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:51,038
We appreciate your concern, Rose.
Thanks for stopping by.
198
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,475
So now you're just gonna
slam the door in my face?
199
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,392
Pretty much.
200
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,429
Not as satisfying with a glass door.
201
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:03,350
Okay, first she starts
with the phone calls...
202
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,750
...then she sent Rose over.
I wonder what's next.
203
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,480
I don't know, but I'm betting
it'll be something big.
204
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,636
Right. I understand, it's terrible.
205
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,837
Okay, let me see
what I can do about it.
206
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,798
How in the hell did your mother
get my cell phone number?
207
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,191
Sometimes,when the nest is threatened...
208
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:33,831
... the seemingly docile creatures havebeen known to eat their own young.
209
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,037
Hey, did Mom call you
at the office today?
210
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,599
No, she call here?
211
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:43,231
- No, it's been pretty quiet.
- Yeah, maybe too quiet.
212
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,996
And here we seethe female praying-mantis...
213
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:49,550
... after copulation,devouring her mate.
214
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,837
Your ex-wife back from her parents'?
215
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,434
Yeah, I dropped Jake off
with her this afternoon.
216
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,114
Apparently her mom had
a little relapse with the pills.
217
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,077
- Oh, yeah?
- They found her in pajamas...
218
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:04,358
...driving an imaginary car through the
home and garden section of Wal-Mart.
219
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,320
How could they tell
if she was driving an imaginary car?
220
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,552
She rolled down the window
to ask for directions to the pharmacy.
221
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:18,638
- Here we witness the...
- Not Mom.
222
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,117
Hello? Yeah, this is Charlie Harper.
223
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,033
What? I see.
224
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,952
Okay, then.
Thanks for letting me know.
225
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,070
- Who was that?
- St. John's Hospital.
226
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:33,994
Our mother checked in this evening with
chest pains and breathing difficulties.
227
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,515
- Oh, my God.
- Ever wonder who was the first guy...
228
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:39,035
...to put pineapple on pizza?
229
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,030
I bet he was gay.
230
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,670
- Charlie...
- No straight guy is gonna say:
231
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,638
"You know what this pizza could use?
A pineapple ring."
232
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,755
God bless him. It's good.
233
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,353
Charlie, is Mom okay?
234
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,351
Of course she's okay. She's faking.
235
00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,478
- How can you be so sure?
- It really doesn't make any difference.
236
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,712
If she is faking and
we rush to see her, she wins.
237
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,711
If she's not faking,
and we ignore her...
238
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,189
...she complains
about what horrible sons we are...
239
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:10,713
...and she still wins.
240
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,440
What if she's not faking and she dies?
241
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:16,914
Well, look at you, Mr. Glass Half-Full.
242
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,351
I can't help thinking this is all my fault.
243
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,717
I told Mom she couldn't see
her grandson and she had a heart attack.
244
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,950
Alan, you forget
who you're dealing with.
245
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:29,634
This woman buried two husbands
and divorced two others.
246
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,836
She's lived through wars,
riots, earthquakes.
247
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,993
Only way you're gonna bring her down
is with a stake dipped in holy water.
248
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,072
Here we are.
249
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,271
Oh, my God. Mommy?
250
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:46,714
Excuse me?
251
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,836
- Are you family?
- Yeah, we're her sons.
252
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,389
Is she gonna be okay?
Tell me she's gonna be okay.
253
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:54,632
Your mother's gonna be fine.
I can't find a thing wrong with her.
254
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,518
- Are you sure?
- As sure as I can be.
255
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:58,272
Her heart's fine. Lungs are fine.
256
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,317
Blood chemistry's good. EEG's normal.
257
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:03,472
- Oh, thank God.
- That bitch.
258
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:05,919
Yeah, tell me about it.
259
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,275
Excuse me.
I'm gonna tell her she can go home.
260
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,512
- Oh, no, please, let us.
- Yeah, we owe her that.
261
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,240
Suit yourself.
Oh, better hurry, though.
262
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,834
The nurses are circulating
a"do not revive" petition.
263
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:22,550
- You said there was nothing wrong.
- It's a big hospital.
264
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,392
Things happen.
265
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,359
What do we do now?
266
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,512
Don't worry. I got a plan.
267
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,318
Oh, great, he has a plan.
268
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,474
Mom?
269
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,913
Charlie? Is that you?
270
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,718
Alan's here too, Mom.
271
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:47,759
- Hi, Mom.
- Boys, you didn't have to come.
272
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,318
Are you kidding? Of course we did.
273
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:52,869
- Right, Alan?
- Of course.
274
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,109
Tell us what happened.
275
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:59,114
I came home this afternoon, alone.
276
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,151
I was walking up the stairs...
277
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,278
...alone.
278
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:10,112
And I had trouble breathing...
279
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:14,190
...so I drove myself to the hospital...
280
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:16,314
...alone.
281
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,472
- Well, why did you drive yourself?
- Oh, I didn't wanna bother...
282
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,790
...the ambulance people.
283
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:27,315
Why didn't you call us?
284
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:34,592
Oh, you both made it very clear
how you feel about me.
285
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,193
Now, that's not fair.
286
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,954
Just tell Jake...
287
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:42,237
...his Grandmommy loves him
very much.
288
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,753
Don't talk like that.
289
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,434
You can tell him yourself,
after the operation.
290
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:47,953
What operation?
291
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,317
Relax. Relax. Quadruple bypasses
are routine these days.
292
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,038
- Quadruple?
- Yeah, yeah.
293
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,998
You got four clogged arteries.
Right, Alan?
294
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,357
Right, the doctor said it's lucky
you came when you did.
295
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:07,149
Another few days and you'd have been
flopping around on the floor like a carp.
296
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,275
It's no big deal, Mom.
They crack open you open...
297
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,432
...flush out the pipes, sew you back up
and you're good as new.
298
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,558
Except, you know, for the big,
gnarly scar on your chest.
299
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,278
They're prepping the OR.
300
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,396
We got the best surgeon available.
301
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:21,834
He's young but really sharp.
302
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,752
And well-respected in his own country.
303
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,118
Well, all right.
304
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,989
If it has to be done, it has to be done.
305
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,551
I love you, boys.
306
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:51,077
If the worst should happen...
307
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,757
...please remember that.
308
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,594
- Yeah. Sure.
- Of course.
309
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,951
Oh, my God, Evelyn
Are you all right?
310
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,669
Oh, Judith, is that you?
311
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,077
Yes, I'm right here. Jake's here too.
312
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,913
Oh, Jake.
Come to Grandmommy, darling.
313
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,638
I'm sorry you feel bad, Grandma.
314
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,918
Oh, Grandmommy's feeling much better
now that her little man is here.
315
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:20,151
- I made you a get-well card.
- Oh, isn't that nice.
316
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:21,753
Gift shop wasn't open?
317
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:28,190
You said you had a plan.
Well, guess what? It was a bad plan.
318
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,430
- Alan, calm down.
- The plan sucked.
319
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,554
- Don't worry.
- Don't worry?
320
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,712
She's expecting a quadruple bypass.
What are we gonna do?
321
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,552
We're gonna get her one.
322
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,359
Must be someone around here
who can handle a rib spreader.
323
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,272
- Charlie, that's insane.
- You're right.
324
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,715
There's no time. Better scrub up.
325
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,597
She had to drive herself to the hospital?
What is wrong with you two?
326
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,320
- Relax, Judith. She's not sick.
- What?
327
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,517
She's faking and we called her bluff,
and then she called ours.
328
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,035
So now, we're gonna
have to cut her open.
329
00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,078
You want in?
330
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,836
Hey, guess what?
After Grandma's operation...
331
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,230
...she's gonna take me
to Magic Mountain, okay?
332
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,198
Yeah, yeah, that's okay.
We're gonna have to tell her.
333
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:09,191
You sure?
We don't need to do the bypass.
334
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:11,191
All we do is put her out,
slice her open.
335
00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:14,352
- The scar will sell it.
- The truth, Charlie.
336
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:19,111
Doesn't have to be a big scar.
337
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,874
Okay, doctor, let's schedule
this as quickly as possible.
338
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,554
Oh, great. I'll be here.
339
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:26,517
Hello, boys.
340
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,278
- What are you doing?
- Lf I'm going to have to have surgery...
341
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,793
...I want my own doctor.
342
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,269
Mom, you don't really need a surgeon.
343
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,829
Oh, but I do.
344
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,673
Your quadruple bypass story
makes the perfect cover...
345
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,558
...for a little nip tuck.
346
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,995
No turkey neck for Grandmommy, right?
347
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,000
About Jake. I told him
I'd take him to Magic Mountain...
348
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,549
...but you know
how I feel about direct sunlight.
349
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,676
Yeah, and wolfbane.
350
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,670
You'll take him for me,
won't you, Charlie?
351
00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:58,558
- Sure, Mom.
- I'll make it up to him...
352
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:02,110
...by taking him out for a haircut
and some decent clothes.
353
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,999
- He'll like that.
- Sure, Mom.
354
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,549
Maybe when his mother sees
how nice he could look...
355
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:11,030
...she'll take the hint and stop dressing
him like a tackling dummy.
356
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,788
Oh, the food here is just dreadful.
357
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,030
So why don't you boys
run across the street...
358
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,679
...and get me a nice ahi tuna...
359
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,796
Charlie, what in God's name
are you doing?
360
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,791
Just practicing.
361
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,076
The worker bees, or drones...
362
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,550
... live a life of utter devotionto their queen.
363
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,230
You had a plan.
364
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,797
From birth, these industriousyet mindless creatures...
365
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,428
... slave away to fulfillthe queen 's every need.
366
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,996
"Don't worry, Alan. I have a plan."
367
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:52,911
Until finally they reach the endof their brief lifespan and die...
368
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,072
... becoming food and building materialsfor the rest of the hive.
369
00:19:56,240 --> 00:20:00,153
Alan, where's my sandwich?
370
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,876
Coming, Mom.
371
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:09,238
A cruel existence? Perhaps.But that's life on the Animal Planet.
372
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,351
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
373
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,511
[ENGLISH]
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