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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:03,735 --> 00:00:06,114
- What's that?
- My high school yearbook.
2
00:00:06,286 --> 00:00:09,130
Hey, do you remember a
girl named Jamie Eckelberry?
3
00:00:09,298 --> 00:00:11,046
- No.
- Yeah, sure you do.
4
00:00:11,222 --> 00:00:13,435
She used to hang out
at the house all the time.
5
00:00:13,606 --> 00:00:16,866
Oh, yeah. Eckelberry Hound.
6
00:00:17,789 --> 00:00:20,203
Not a name she was fond of.
7
00:00:20,424 --> 00:00:25,183
Hey, I didn't make it up.
I just spread it around. What about her?
8
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:28,572
Oh, she called the alumni association
and tracked me down.
9
00:00:28,748 --> 00:00:32,626
How does that work? They let her
sniff one of your sweaters?
10
00:00:32,847 --> 00:00:36,558
She e-mailed me. She's in town
on business, and I invited her over.
11
00:00:36,778 --> 00:00:40,918
Great. I'll get out of your way.
Just keep her off the good rug.
12
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:44,673
Very funny. No. For your
information, it's not a date.
13
00:00:44,851 --> 00:00:47,896
She's just a friend who has become
very successful in her field.
14
00:00:48,113 --> 00:00:52,289
Oh, that's nice that she
has a field to run around in.
15
00:00:53,551 --> 00:00:57,262
- It's getting old, Charlie.
- In people years or dog years?
16
00:00:58,570 --> 00:01:01,496
Sorry. Oh, look.
You remember Miss Hanrahan?
17
00:01:01,707 --> 00:01:05,966
- Sure. I had her for sophomore English.
- I had her in the teachers' lounge.
18
00:01:07,688 --> 00:01:10,186
Oh, that's Jamie. Be nice.
19
00:01:10,407 --> 00:01:13,452
I'm always nice. Ask Miss Hanrahan.
20
00:01:14,632 --> 00:01:16,964
- I'm serious.
- Relax. I'm just gonna say hello...
21
00:01:17,141 --> 00:01:19,818
...scratch her behind the ear,
and then I'm out of here.
22
00:01:21,784 --> 00:01:23,663
- You done with the dog jokes?
- Yes.
23
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:27,051
- Good.
- I hope she looks fetching.
24
00:01:29,146 --> 00:01:32,405
Okay, I guess I had one more.
25
00:01:34,499 --> 00:01:36,545
- Alan.
- Jamie.
26
00:02:05,451 --> 00:02:09,925
Do you remember how Stuart Negelman
used to tell everybody you were gay?
27
00:02:10,136 --> 00:02:12,431
Don't remind me.
I had one Boy George album...
28
00:02:12,604 --> 00:02:15,566
...and suddenly
I'm queen of the fairies.
29
00:02:15,783 --> 00:02:18,281
You'll be happy to know
I ran into him in New York.
30
00:02:18,460 --> 00:02:21,803
- And? Knew it.
- Gay.
31
00:02:22,140 --> 00:02:24,353
Okay, here we go.
32
00:02:24,524 --> 00:02:28,403
Two margaritas,
and a rum and Diet Coke.
33
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,746
- Thank you, Charlie.
- You're welcome.
34
00:02:31,761 --> 00:02:33,806
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
35
00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:41,957
So Stuart Negelman: Buttoned-down,
or singing show tunes on a float?
36
00:02:42,175 --> 00:02:44,888
Very macho. Owns a gym in SoHo.
37
00:02:45,061 --> 00:02:47,690
Speaking of which, you look
like you're in good shape.
38
00:02:47,864 --> 00:02:51,707
- I have kept up with the hacky sack.
- Good for you.
39
00:02:51,879 --> 00:02:55,174
And you. I cannot get over what
a beautiful woman you've become.
40
00:02:55,393 --> 00:03:00,068
- Oh, stop it. You're embarrassing me.
- Too bad. It's true.
41
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:09,522
Charlie, that's lovely. You still play.
42
00:03:09,739 --> 00:03:11,488
Just professionally.
43
00:03:12,542 --> 00:03:16,682
- You became a musician?
- More a composer. Gotta pay the bills.
44
00:03:18,356 --> 00:03:21,531
Play the jingle you wrote for the
feminine deodorant commercial.
45
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,083
Okay.
46
00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:29,679
Fresh as a summer breezeClean as a mountain spring
47
00:03:30,067 --> 00:03:33,410
No. You wrote that? I love that.
48
00:03:34,292 --> 00:03:36,969
Hey, hey, did I tell you
that I was voted...
49
00:03:37,136 --> 00:03:40,479
...Chiropractor of the Year by the San
Fernando Valley Chiropractic Association?
50
00:03:40,691 --> 00:03:43,534
Oh, that's fantastic, Alan.
You must be very proud.
51
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:48,884
Well, it's not pride so much as the
satisfaction I get from helping people.
52
00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:53,647
Carefree, so carefree
53
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:57,578
What every woman wants to be
54
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:03,068
Hey. Hey, you know
what would be fun?
55
00:04:03,236 --> 00:04:06,448
A session of Dungeons & Dragons.
Like the old days, you know?
56
00:04:06,624 --> 00:04:10,764
- Just the two of us.
- Wow, I haven't played in years.
57
00:04:10,974 --> 00:04:13,353
Or we can go down to the beach
and go for a swim.
58
00:04:13,567 --> 00:04:16,577
- I didn't bring a suit.
- So my plan is working.
59
00:04:18,503 --> 00:04:22,178
You know, I think I'll take a rain check.
Do you mind if I use your restroom?
60
00:04:22,393 --> 00:04:23,939
Down the hall on the right.
61
00:04:24,108 --> 00:04:25,820
Thank you.
62
00:04:29,712 --> 00:04:31,841
Don't you have enough women?
63
00:04:32,348 --> 00:04:36,273
No. Anyway, you said she
was just an old friend.
64
00:04:36,488 --> 00:04:38,118
Well, that was before I saw her.
65
00:04:38,287 --> 00:04:40,832
Come on, I spent years
laying the groundwork for this.
66
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:44,093
And yet you never erected
anything on the site.
67
00:04:44,310 --> 00:04:46,273
Because she didn't look like that then.
68
00:04:46,485 --> 00:04:48,364
Oh, shame on you, Alan Harper.
69
00:04:49,413 --> 00:04:52,589
Don't you know a woman is so much
more than what's on the outside?
70
00:04:52,801 --> 00:04:55,810
She's a mountain spring,
a summer breeze and I saw her first.
71
00:04:56,273 --> 00:04:58,021
What are you, 11?
72
00:04:58,238 --> 00:05:02,248
Come on. She's smart, she's beautiful,
she's the kind of woman who...
73
00:05:02,463 --> 00:05:04,758
- You could never get?
- Exactly.
74
00:05:07,691 --> 00:05:09,940
Well, if she's that important to you.
75
00:05:10,159 --> 00:05:12,074
She is, she is. Very much.
76
00:05:12,250 --> 00:05:14,463
- Okay, fine. I'm out of it.
- Really?
77
00:05:14,676 --> 00:05:16,223
Happy birthday.
78
00:05:16,391 --> 00:05:20,317
Isn't that presumptuous? You think you
can just give this woman as a gift?
79
00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:23,583
- Okay, forget it.
- No, no. Happy birthday to me.
80
00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:29,271
Listen, I have an early meeting in the
morning, so I should probably get going.
81
00:05:29,483 --> 00:05:33,242
Oh, no, no. The night is so young,
and Charlie was just leaving.
82
00:05:33,415 --> 00:05:36,424
Yeah, if I don't start drinking now,
I'll be up all night.
83
00:05:37,305 --> 00:05:40,231
I really have to get going.
What about dinner tomorrow night?
84
00:05:40,693 --> 00:05:42,655
- That would be great.
- Okay, terrific.
85
00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:44,871
Why don't the three of us
meet at 7?
86
00:05:45,294 --> 00:05:47,208
The... The three of us?
87
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,185
Oh, gee. Tomorrow night? I can't.
88
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:55,361
Oh, come on, Charlie.
I'm only in town for a few days.
89
00:05:55,541 --> 00:05:58,717
It wouldn't be the same
without you. Right, Alan?
90
00:05:58,887 --> 00:06:02,647
That's... That's true.
It would be different. But still good.
91
00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:05,656
No, no, no. You guys have
a lot of catching up to do.
92
00:06:05,873 --> 00:06:08,798
I insist. Charlie, you have to come.
93
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:11,263
Well, if it's okay with Alan...
94
00:06:12,356 --> 00:06:14,688
Of course.
95
00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:18,916
Okay, great. Then I will
see you both tomorrow.
96
00:06:19,090 --> 00:06:20,505
- Okay.
- Thank you.
97
00:06:20,679 --> 00:06:23,094
- Can't wait.
- I know. Me too. Good night.
98
00:06:23,273 --> 00:06:24,771
Bye.
99
00:06:28,417 --> 00:06:31,927
So I'll get you something else
for your birthday.
100
00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:33,936
You like hookers?
101
00:06:34,650 --> 00:06:36,779
Charlie, we agreed you're out.
Now stay out.
102
00:06:36,992 --> 00:06:39,406
- All right, fine. I won't go.
- Thank you.
103
00:06:42,137 --> 00:06:46,895
Wait! If you don't come,
she'll think I told you not to come.
104
00:06:47,114 --> 00:06:48,446
There is that possibility.
105
00:06:48,787 --> 00:06:51,464
That's your plan. To make me
look petty and insecure.
106
00:06:51,673 --> 00:06:54,088
Alan, I don't have to plan for that.
107
00:06:54,434 --> 00:06:58,359
Let me tell you something. You're coming
with us, whether you like it or not.
108
00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:00,830
All right.
109
00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:03,834
Wait!
110
00:07:04,765 --> 00:07:07,060
- We should take your new Mercedes.
- Fine.
111
00:07:07,275 --> 00:07:10,118
- I should drive it so she thinks it's mine.
- Okay.
112
00:07:12,294 --> 00:07:14,208
Wait!
113
00:07:14,427 --> 00:07:16,841
She'll never believe
I drive a Mercedes.
114
00:07:17,773 --> 00:07:20,818
You'll drive my old Volvo
so that she thinks it's yours.
115
00:07:21,036 --> 00:07:25,794
Whatever. That just means you'll
be sitting in the backseat alone.
116
00:07:26,389 --> 00:07:28,054
Wait!
117
00:07:29,275 --> 00:07:33,665
Charlie, I can't believe that after
all these years, you're still single.
118
00:07:33,876 --> 00:07:35,423
Well...
119
00:07:39,649 --> 00:07:41,313
It's not that hard to believe.
120
00:07:41,489 --> 00:07:45,748
I'm a selfish, promiscuous,
commitment-phobic man.
121
00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:50,729
Alan, on the other hand, is a very
generous, loyal, one-woman kind of guy.
122
00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:53,988
Guilty.
123
00:07:55,961 --> 00:07:58,506
Why doesn't that surprise me?
124
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,226
Now, what is surprising...
125
00:08:00,395 --> 00:08:04,654
...is to hear a man be so honest
and forthcoming about his flaws.
126
00:08:05,121 --> 00:08:09,463
Charlie, you are
a real breath of fresh air.
127
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,595
Guilty.
128
00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:19,505
But if you really want a breath
of fresh air, take a lungful of Alan.
129
00:08:22,438 --> 00:08:24,400
He is a true gentleman.
130
00:08:24,613 --> 00:08:26,409
Oh, Alan's always been a gentleman.
131
00:08:26,578 --> 00:08:30,338
I remember one time we were kids. We
were in my bedroom playing Stratego...
132
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:34,305
...and my blouse came unbuttoned,
and Alan, instead of sneaking a peek...
133
00:08:34,484 --> 00:08:40,586
...like a lot of guys would do, averted
his eyes and said, "Jamie, bosom."
134
00:08:41,134 --> 00:08:43,347
Really. Is that true, Alan?
135
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:47,355
Pretty much. We were
playing Boggle, not Stratego.
136
00:08:47,576 --> 00:08:51,335
Well, there you go.
A gentleman. A better man than I.
137
00:08:51,549 --> 00:08:56,521
Oh, don't put yourself down, Charlie.
You seem like a wonderful man to me.
138
00:08:56,987 --> 00:09:00,996
Yeah, but you heard him. I'm better.
139
00:09:04,306 --> 00:09:06,435
Excuse me.
140
00:09:10,873 --> 00:09:13,716
I'll be right back.
I think he wants to talk.
141
00:09:13,926 --> 00:09:16,555
You know, you are such
a good brother.
142
00:09:16,771 --> 00:09:18,650
You have no idea.
143
00:09:23,881 --> 00:09:25,760
"Bosom"?
144
00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:28,180
Forget that.
What the hell are you doing?
145
00:09:28,357 --> 00:09:31,950
What? I'm trying to make you look
good. Turns out it's not that easy.
146
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,954
You look like you're trying
to make me look good...
147
00:09:35,133 --> 00:09:36,846
...but you're making you look good.
148
00:09:37,015 --> 00:09:39,596
I don't know how,
but that's the net result.
149
00:09:39,776 --> 00:09:42,238
- Alan, you're being ridiculous.
- Am I? I think not.
150
00:09:42,411 --> 00:09:45,088
From the minute we walked in,
you've been sabotaging me.
151
00:09:45,297 --> 00:09:48,640
- How?
- How? Look at where I'm sitting.
152
00:09:48,852 --> 00:09:51,861
- What? You wanted to sit next to her.
- Yeah, and you let me.
153
00:09:53,411 --> 00:09:57,884
And now you get to stare into her eyes,
and I get to stare into her ear.
154
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,888
What do you want from me?
Wanna change seats?
155
00:10:01,107 --> 00:10:02,736
Sure. That won't look suspicious.
156
00:10:02,906 --> 00:10:07,081
I'm just trying to help, Alan.
Well, how about that? I do have to pee.
157
00:10:09,389 --> 00:10:11,185
You wanna help me?
Stop talking me up.
158
00:10:11,355 --> 00:10:12,521
- It's killing me.
- Okay.
159
00:10:12,861 --> 00:10:15,275
Stop putting yourself down.
That's killing me too.
160
00:10:15,496 --> 00:10:18,255
- Got it.
- Just sit there and eat your dinner...
161
00:10:18,424 --> 00:10:19,756
...and I'll play your game.
162
00:10:19,929 --> 00:10:21,392
Fine.
163
00:10:21,561 --> 00:10:23,440
You wanna shake on it?
164
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,282
You're disgusting.
165
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,713
Yeah, I'm disgusting.
166
00:10:29,884 --> 00:10:32,894
At least I'm not the one
taking a squirt on my shoe.
167
00:10:36,451 --> 00:10:39,746
Let me tell you something
about my brother.
168
00:10:39,923 --> 00:10:43,634
He puts himself down,
but he is truly a wonderful man.
169
00:10:43,813 --> 00:10:48,868
I mean, here's a guy,
single, good-Iooking, talented...
170
00:10:49,041 --> 00:10:52,253
- Well, l...
- You're too modest.
171
00:10:52,471 --> 00:10:55,433
Talented, a ton of money.
172
00:10:55,608 --> 00:10:59,236
And what does he do when his brother
and nephew need a place to live?
173
00:10:59,414 --> 00:11:03,470
Does he complain about us
cramping his style? No.
174
00:11:03,639 --> 00:11:07,398
He opens up his home, and his heart.
175
00:11:07,570 --> 00:11:10,283
And frankly, I don't know
which one is bigger.
176
00:11:12,882 --> 00:11:16,558
You are an incredible human being.
177
00:11:18,362 --> 00:11:20,776
Can we get the damn check, please?
178
00:11:24,887 --> 00:11:27,896
Wait till you meet Jake.
He's a great kid.
179
00:11:28,065 --> 00:11:29,980
You're gonna love him. Right, Charlie?
180
00:11:30,199 --> 00:11:33,993
Don't oversell him, Alan.
He mostly sits around and eats.
181
00:11:34,172 --> 00:11:36,004
What do you guys like to do together?
182
00:11:36,222 --> 00:11:40,481
Oh, we do all kinds
of father-son things.
183
00:11:40,655 --> 00:11:45,664
- We go to the movies...
- Where he sits and eats.
184
00:11:45,842 --> 00:11:49,303
And we also build models...
185
00:11:50,066 --> 00:11:53,611
You know, airplanes, and
fly them off the deck.
186
00:11:53,831 --> 00:11:56,710
- That sounds like fun.
- Oh, it is. Jake loves it.
187
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,847
I mean, he is a great kid.
188
00:11:59,059 --> 00:12:01,391
I can't wait to meet him.
189
00:12:01,569 --> 00:12:03,651
How about tomorrow afternoon?
190
00:12:03,827 --> 00:12:06,456
- Tomorrow sounds great.
- Good, good. It's a date.
191
00:12:06,630 --> 00:12:09,342
- So don't be late.
- Or we'll have to wait.
192
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,032
Oh, okay. Here we are.
193
00:12:16,208 --> 00:12:20,134
Thank you so much.
I had a wonderful time.
194
00:12:21,771 --> 00:12:25,281
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Good night.
195
00:12:31,517 --> 00:12:33,515
Good night, Charlie.
196
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:39,087
Good night.
197
00:12:41,514 --> 00:12:43,762
To the Batcave, Alfred.
198
00:12:45,236 --> 00:12:46,818
Go to hell.
199
00:12:46,993 --> 00:12:50,038
I was just sitting here.
I didn't put her tongue in my mouth.
200
00:12:50,214 --> 00:12:51,796
You got tongue?
201
00:12:52,012 --> 00:12:54,725
Actually, looking back,
it was probably mine.
202
00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:57,613
Oh, relax. I'm just screwing with you.
203
00:12:57,784 --> 00:12:59,699
Besides, you're the one
who got the date.
204
00:12:59,876 --> 00:13:02,588
You had to pimp your kid
out to do it, but you got there.
205
00:13:02,803 --> 00:13:06,098
Hey, hey, there is nothing wrong
with bragging on my son.
206
00:13:06,275 --> 00:13:09,237
He's a reflection of me,
and if that compensates...
207
00:13:09,412 --> 00:13:11,625
...for some of my social clumsiness...
208
00:13:11,838 --> 00:13:14,551
And maybe rustles up a little tail.
209
00:13:14,724 --> 00:13:16,353
I am not pimping him out.
210
00:13:16,523 --> 00:13:19,448
Don't bark at me. I'm proud of you.
211
00:13:20,245 --> 00:13:23,290
Thank you. And make yourself
scarce tomorrow.
212
00:13:23,466 --> 00:13:27,177
- I don't need any more of your help.
- Fine. You're on your own.
213
00:13:27,356 --> 00:13:30,199
Now, hush up and drive
Miss Daisy home.
214
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,999
Okay, Sky Captain. Ready to go?
215
00:13:34,174 --> 00:13:35,588
I guess.
216
00:13:35,763 --> 00:13:37,476
See how he loves this?
217
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,982
Pilot to copilot. Contact.
218
00:13:41,619 --> 00:13:43,165
What?
219
00:13:44,254 --> 00:13:47,633
- Contact.
- Why are you talking like that?
220
00:13:48,939 --> 00:13:51,401
Just... Just start the engine.
221
00:13:52,285 --> 00:13:54,664
Here we go. Ready for liftoff?
222
00:13:54,836 --> 00:13:57,049
It's not a rocket ship, Dad.
223
00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:59,718
I know that, Jake.
224
00:14:02,825 --> 00:14:05,240
Hey, it actually works.
225
00:14:05,418 --> 00:14:07,215
Bring it up. Bring it up.
226
00:14:07,384 --> 00:14:09,549
- Okay.
- Come on, Jake, up, up. It's...
227
00:14:09,727 --> 00:14:11,189
- Don't yell.
- Give me that.
228
00:14:11,358 --> 00:14:13,106
- No, I'm doing it.
- Well, then do it.
229
00:14:13,324 --> 00:14:15,072
I am.
230
00:14:19,138 --> 00:14:21,017
Is that it?
231
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:25,319
No, go get it, and we'll patch
her back up, like we always do.
232
00:14:25,537 --> 00:14:28,666
Can we just order
a pizza and watch TV?
233
00:14:28,883 --> 00:14:30,465
Go get the plane.
234
00:14:31,895 --> 00:14:33,608
This sucks.
235
00:14:35,157 --> 00:14:38,202
"This sucks." Isn't he a hoot?
236
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:41,924
He's great.
237
00:14:42,644 --> 00:14:44,976
So...
238
00:14:45,154 --> 00:14:47,486
...here we are.
239
00:14:47,664 --> 00:14:49,328
Yep.
240
00:14:50,842 --> 00:14:54,768
I just cannot get over
how much you've changed.
241
00:14:55,234 --> 00:14:59,874
- You like?
- Yeah, me like. I mean... I mean, I like.
242
00:15:01,048 --> 00:15:02,427
So...
243
00:15:03,474 --> 00:15:05,271
...where's Charlie?
244
00:15:06,695 --> 00:15:08,491
This is all I could find.
245
00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:13,544
- Guess who that is.
- No way.
246
00:15:13,722 --> 00:15:17,231
- Way.
- What was going on with your hair?
247
00:15:18,406 --> 00:15:20,238
It's called a Jeri curl.
248
00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:24,219
It was my Michael Jackson period.
249
00:15:24,429 --> 00:15:26,226
Who's the tall guy next to you?
250
00:15:26,395 --> 00:15:28,524
Oh, that's me, Jake.
251
00:15:30,243 --> 00:15:32,622
Oh, sorry.
252
00:15:32,795 --> 00:15:34,924
Well, at least you look like a girl now.
253
00:15:35,555 --> 00:15:37,268
Thank you.
254
00:15:37,689 --> 00:15:39,521
Was Dad your boyfriend?
255
00:15:39,696 --> 00:15:41,861
Oh, no, no.
Jamie and I were just friends.
256
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,793
Yeah, we were never that way.
257
00:15:45,008 --> 00:15:47,137
Are you that way now?
258
00:15:48,187 --> 00:15:51,696
- Why don't you go watch TV?
- Finally.
259
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,809
You know, Jamie, I've been thinking.
260
00:15:58,978 --> 00:16:02,440
You're single. I'm single.
Well, we have an awful lot in common.
261
00:16:02,659 --> 00:16:06,668
I mean, there's no reason
we couldn't try to be...
262
00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:09,601
...you know, more than friends.
263
00:16:09,812 --> 00:16:11,608
Is that something you'd want?
264
00:16:11,819 --> 00:16:13,782
Well...
265
00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:18,255
- Hey.
- Oh, darn.
266
00:16:18,721 --> 00:16:21,266
- Sorry to intrude.
- That's okay. It's good to see you.
267
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,022
I thought you were gonna be busy.
268
00:16:23,238 --> 00:16:26,533
I was. I went to a movie,
shot some pool...
269
00:16:26,710 --> 00:16:31,301
...bought a book, bought a shirt, drank
a bucket of coffee, read the book.
270
00:16:31,771 --> 00:16:34,448
And then it occurred to me:
"Hey, I have a home."
271
00:16:36,497 --> 00:16:38,792
Hey, Dad, can you microwave
some popcorn for me?
272
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:43,094
- Why can't you make it for yourself?
- Remember what happened last time?
273
00:16:43,273 --> 00:16:46,033
You're old enough to make
popcorn without starting a fire.
274
00:16:46,661 --> 00:16:48,290
Okay, I'll give it a shot.
275
00:16:51,722 --> 00:16:53,601
I'll be right back.
276
00:16:55,110 --> 00:16:57,573
So Jake's a great kid, isn't he?
277
00:16:58,122 --> 00:16:59,751
Yeah, I suppose.
278
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:03,680
I would never say this to Alan, but I
don't really care much for children.
279
00:17:06,111 --> 00:17:10,667
Well, the truth is, Alan's
not too fond of him either.
280
00:17:12,803 --> 00:17:15,217
He feeds the kid and keeps
a roof over his head...
281
00:17:15,396 --> 00:17:17,811
...but there's no
love lost between them.
282
00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:23,333
- Charlie, give it a rest.
- Sorry?
283
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,468
Why do you push me towards Alan...
284
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:27,892
...when it's obvious
how much you want me?
285
00:17:29,994 --> 00:17:32,326
He's got a birthday coming up.
286
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:38,232
Just tell me you want me.
287
00:17:39,154 --> 00:17:41,783
Go ahead, Charlie. Tell her.
288
00:17:41,998 --> 00:17:46,590
What? No, no. You two, with the
Dungeons, the Dragons, the Boggle.
289
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,181
You should be together.
290
00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:51,991
Clearly she wants you, so let's be
grown-up, and I'll get out of the way...
291
00:17:52,162 --> 00:17:54,457
...so the two pretty people can mate.
292
00:17:55,048 --> 00:17:57,130
No, no, no, no.
You laid the foundation...
293
00:17:57,307 --> 00:18:00,233
...and you should, you know,
lay the rest of it.
294
00:18:00,444 --> 00:18:03,822
I appreciate what you're trying to do,
but I am stepping aside...
295
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,206
- No, no. I'm stepping aside.
- No, no. I am.
296
00:18:06,383 --> 00:18:08,596
No, no, I'll step aside.
I will clear the way.
297
00:18:08,767 --> 00:18:12,443
Will you both just shut up?
You're ruining everything.
298
00:18:13,285 --> 00:18:15,997
- Nice going.
- Nice going.
299
00:18:16,171 --> 00:18:19,216
- Say it, Charlie.
- Say what?
300
00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:25,405
Say that slick, cool, Charlie Harper
finally wants Eckelberry Hound.
301
00:18:29,179 --> 00:18:33,438
- You knew about that name?
- That name scarred me for life.
302
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:37,074
It's the reason I haven't eaten
a carbohydrate since college.
303
00:18:37,879 --> 00:18:40,639
- Well, you do look good.
- You're damn right I look good...
304
00:18:40,807 --> 00:18:42,971
...you smug, shallow son of a bitch.
305
00:18:43,149 --> 00:18:46,694
I have spent years working
and sweating and dreaming...
306
00:18:46,872 --> 00:18:50,833
...about the day that I would be
able to rub your smarmy nose in it.
307
00:18:51,222 --> 00:18:53,267
Okay, I'm getting mixed signals here.
308
00:18:55,112 --> 00:18:59,751
This is the signal, Charlie:
You can't have this.
309
00:18:59,922 --> 00:19:04,894
Not now, not ever.
Never, never, never!
310
00:19:05,694 --> 00:19:08,371
You know, I didn't make up
the Eckelberry Hound thing.
311
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:11,625
But he did spread it around.
I was always your friend.
312
00:19:11,842 --> 00:19:15,185
Oh, please. I spent years
throwing myself at you, friend.
313
00:19:15,356 --> 00:19:18,568
Playing stupid nerd games
on my bed with my shirt open, buddy.
314
00:19:18,744 --> 00:19:20,873
Hoping that you would
kiss me or touch me...
315
00:19:21,044 --> 00:19:23,376
...or at least notice me
as a woman, pal!
316
00:19:24,767 --> 00:19:28,062
- You knew your shirt was open?
- Who do you think opened it?
317
00:19:31,919 --> 00:19:35,798
But I wasn't pretty enough for you.
You wanted Donna DeMarco...
318
00:19:35,977 --> 00:19:39,152
...or Maxine Chernikoff,
just because they had big boobs...
319
00:19:39,323 --> 00:19:41,405
...and no excess facial hair.
320
00:19:42,209 --> 00:19:45,754
Oh, yeah. Donna DeMarco,
old Double D.
321
00:19:47,939 --> 00:19:50,652
Jamie, I had no idea. I am so sorry.
322
00:19:50,825 --> 00:19:55,797
But I was a stupid teenager.
I guess I just didn't appreciate you then.
323
00:19:56,012 --> 00:19:57,594
I guess not.
324
00:19:57,810 --> 00:20:02,652
But that was a long time ago.
I'm not a stupid teenager anymore.
325
00:20:02,830 --> 00:20:06,505
Do you think maybe you could forgive
me, and maybe we could try again?
326
00:20:07,430 --> 00:20:09,809
Is that what you really want, Alan?
327
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:11,821
Very much.
328
00:20:13,286 --> 00:20:16,296
Well, eat your heart out.
329
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:21,605
You can never have this.
Never, never, never!
330
00:20:34,409 --> 00:20:37,121
Well, I guess we know
why she's still single.
331
00:20:42,691 --> 00:20:44,403
You're right, Dad. This is fun.
332
00:20:44,573 --> 00:20:47,582
Told you. It just takes a little
while to get the hang of it.
333
00:20:47,752 --> 00:20:49,750
See if I can bring it in for a landing.
334
00:20:49,927 --> 00:20:53,888
Probably not a good idea.
There's no real place to put it.
335
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,309
What do you think Donna DeMarco's
doing these days?
27198
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