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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:03,217 --> 00:00:05,436 Two white wines and a Jack and ginger. 2 00:00:06,237 --> 00:00:08,659 Please tell me the Jack and ginger isn't for you. 3 00:00:08,839 --> 00:00:10,926 No, it's for my girlfriend. Why? 4 00:00:11,690 --> 00:00:14,029 You look like a woman of discriminating taste... 5 00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:16,593 ...and mixing a quality bourbon with ginger ale... 6 00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:20,488 ...is like putting Cheez Whiz on lobster Newburgh. 7 00:00:21,883 --> 00:00:24,472 Well, what if I said the Jack and ginger was for me? 8 00:00:25,071 --> 00:00:27,707 Well, then, I'd learn to live with it. 9 00:00:29,602 --> 00:00:32,237 - Charlie. - Gail. 10 00:00:32,958 --> 00:00:36,762 Sorry I'm late. I stopped off at Radio Barn, and wait till you see what I got. 11 00:00:36,942 --> 00:00:38,993 Alan, I'm kind of in the middle of... 12 00:00:41,933 --> 00:00:43,652 Damn you to hell. 13 00:00:43,821 --> 00:00:45,992 - What? What did I do? - Forget it. 14 00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:48,305 It's who you are, you can't help yourself. 15 00:00:49,148 --> 00:00:51,916 Okay. Anyway, check this out. Know what that is? 16 00:00:52,630 --> 00:00:56,818 - A two megapixel, full-color webcam. - Right. 17 00:00:56,993 --> 00:00:59,378 How do I do it? 18 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:02,815 I got one for me and for Jake. We can hook them to our computers... 19 00:01:02,991 --> 00:01:05,710 ...so when he's at his mother's, we can have video chats. 20 00:01:05,884 --> 00:01:07,137 - That's cool. - Isn't it? 21 00:01:07,311 --> 00:01:10,998 Yeah, with a couple of these, phone sex becomes less phone and more sex. 22 00:01:11,716 --> 00:01:14,017 These are to maintain my relationship with Jake. 23 00:01:14,190 --> 00:01:15,860 It's the worst part of the divorce: 24 00:01:16,036 --> 00:01:18,720 - Only seeing him on weekends. - I get that. I sympathize. 25 00:01:18,888 --> 00:01:21,775 But you can see the validity of my vision too, right? 26 00:01:22,789 --> 00:01:27,358 Oh, look. Built-in microphone. Totally hands-free. Perfect. 27 00:01:28,536 --> 00:01:31,387 - Excuse me. - Oh, hey, Gail. Good to see you again. 28 00:01:31,556 --> 00:01:33,357 Don't move, don't talk. 29 00:01:34,366 --> 00:01:37,134 - Are you Charlie Harper? - Yeah. Why? 30 00:01:37,303 --> 00:01:40,488 You were right. It's him. 31 00:01:43,384 --> 00:01:45,187 What...? What...? What's funny? 32 00:01:45,357 --> 00:01:47,158 Nothing. 33 00:01:49,006 --> 00:01:50,843 So listen, can I buy you a drink? 34 00:01:53,284 --> 00:01:55,335 He wants to buy me a drink. 35 00:01:57,059 --> 00:01:59,361 Then what? We go back to your beach house... 36 00:01:59,534 --> 00:02:03,686 ...sit on the deck, look at the stars, talk about how you love being an uncle... 37 00:02:03,855 --> 00:02:06,073 ...and how you'd like kids of your own... 38 00:02:06,245 --> 00:02:09,598 ...and by the way, I have the most beautiful eyes in the world. 39 00:02:09,811 --> 00:02:12,447 I'm sorry. Have we met before? 40 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:15,719 No. And we're not gonna meet now. 41 00:02:18,326 --> 00:02:22,179 Okay. I have a bad feeling. 42 00:02:30,909 --> 00:02:32,998 Is the camera on? 43 00:02:33,301 --> 00:02:35,436 Good. Now, hit "connect." 44 00:02:35,649 --> 00:02:38,417 I can see you. Can you see me? 45 00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:42,401 Yeah, yeah. I can hear you too. You can hang up the phone. 46 00:02:42,571 --> 00:02:44,240 This is awesome. 47 00:02:44,416 --> 00:02:47,519 - Yeah, we can see each other every day. - Cool. 48 00:02:52,093 --> 00:02:53,726 So... 49 00:02:54,483 --> 00:02:55,866 What's new? 50 00:02:56,036 --> 00:02:57,622 Nothing. 51 00:03:00,649 --> 00:03:02,785 What's new with you? 52 00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:06,640 Not much. 53 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:19,264 - Hey, Charlie. - Rose, stop. 54 00:03:19,819 --> 00:03:22,205 - What? - We're friends now, right? 55 00:03:22,713 --> 00:03:23,798 Right. 56 00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:27,825 Our one-night stand is ancient history. You're not stalking me anymore, right? 57 00:03:27,998 --> 00:03:31,553 - Right. - Then use the damn stairs. 58 00:03:31,774 --> 00:03:34,075 - Really? - Yes. 59 00:03:34,249 --> 00:03:35,835 Okay. 60 00:03:40,331 --> 00:03:44,399 - I'm opening up the gate. - I'm proud of you. 61 00:03:44,568 --> 00:03:48,288 - I'm starting up the stairs. - You can do it. 62 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,899 Oh, boy. 63 00:03:52,075 --> 00:03:54,628 I don't know about this. 64 00:03:55,347 --> 00:03:57,482 - You'll get used to it. - Yeah, we'll see. 65 00:04:00,465 --> 00:04:02,468 I'm surprised to see you home. 66 00:04:02,646 --> 00:04:05,198 - It's ladies' night at Pavlov's. - I know. 67 00:04:05,372 --> 00:04:09,059 Well, isn't that kind of like rabbit season for Elmer Fudd? 68 00:04:09,525 --> 00:04:10,992 Used to be. 69 00:04:11,161 --> 00:04:12,795 Let me ask you question. 70 00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:15,853 How much do chicks talk about men they've been with? 71 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:17,788 Not as much as you'd think. 72 00:04:17,999 --> 00:04:20,419 - Really? - Way more. 73 00:04:21,563 --> 00:04:24,284 - Why? - Well, I ran into some women last night. 74 00:04:24,458 --> 00:04:25,794 Never met them before. 75 00:04:25,968 --> 00:04:28,771 But they seem to have already formed a poor opinion of me. 76 00:04:29,324 --> 00:04:32,258 So you think somebody's out there spreading nasty rumors? 77 00:04:32,428 --> 00:04:36,318 Worse. I think somebody's out there spreading the truth. 78 00:04:36,539 --> 00:04:39,259 Well, you have burned a few bridges in this town. 79 00:04:39,433 --> 00:04:43,668 Hey, I don't burn bridges. I have casual sex with relative strangers. 80 00:04:43,837 --> 00:04:45,721 There's a difference. 81 00:04:46,648 --> 00:04:48,066 And I'm always honest. 82 00:04:48,241 --> 00:04:52,977 I never lead a woman on. Unless I'm, you know, totally bombed. 83 00:04:54,323 --> 00:04:58,595 Last night was probably the result of one woman with an ax to grind. 84 00:04:58,770 --> 00:05:00,321 Probably. 85 00:05:00,490 --> 00:05:01,957 Yeah, that's it. 86 00:05:02,126 --> 00:05:05,348 - I'm making myself crazy over nothing. - Oh, I do that all the time. 87 00:05:05,524 --> 00:05:07,909 It's a great way to fill up a slow weekend. 88 00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:11,889 Rose, that night we spent together... 89 00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:13,987 ...did I tell you you had beautiful eyes? 90 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:18,986 Well, let's see. We had a couple of drinks, you invited me back here. 91 00:05:19,155 --> 00:05:22,842 We were sitting out on the deck, looking at the stars. 92 00:05:23,015 --> 00:05:24,852 And, yeah, you said: 93 00:05:25,029 --> 00:05:28,714 "By the way, you have the most beautiful eyes in the world." 94 00:05:30,523 --> 00:05:32,527 I guess I do use that a lot. 95 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:36,353 But, damn it, it's good. 96 00:05:37,192 --> 00:05:39,913 Are you sure it's not red? Look again. 97 00:05:42,939 --> 00:05:47,425 It looks fine. You have to go to school tomorrow. 98 00:05:47,637 --> 00:05:50,225 - Good night, Rose. - Night, Charlie. 99 00:05:50,406 --> 00:05:52,660 And don't forget to use the... 100 00:05:53,971 --> 00:05:55,640 Never mind. 101 00:05:55,817 --> 00:05:57,319 Oh, Charlie, Charlie. Come here. 102 00:05:57,495 --> 00:06:00,381 - Say hello to your Uncle Charlie. - Hey, Uncle Charlie. 103 00:06:00,556 --> 00:06:02,978 - Hi, Jake. - I can see you. 104 00:06:03,158 --> 00:06:04,911 I can see you too. 105 00:06:05,716 --> 00:06:07,267 So... 106 00:06:07,772 --> 00:06:09,441 What's new? 107 00:06:09,617 --> 00:06:12,170 Not much. What's new with you? 108 00:06:12,344 --> 00:06:14,097 Nothing. Oh, wait. I Googled you... 109 00:06:14,273 --> 00:06:16,110 ... and you'll never guess what I found. 110 00:06:16,286 --> 00:06:18,338 Jake, are you in the bathtub? 111 00:06:18,510 --> 00:06:20,012 Yeah. Gotta go. 112 00:06:20,187 --> 00:06:22,609 No, no, no. Wait, Jake, what are you talking about? 113 00:06:22,788 --> 00:06:24,625 - What's he talking about? - I don't know. 114 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,438 But if you Google me, you'll find pages that mention... 115 00:06:27,612 --> 00:06:30,749 ...my San Fernando Valley Chiropractor of the Year award. 116 00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:32,727 That's nice. Get out of the way. 117 00:06:35,330 --> 00:06:38,348 Oh, careful. There's another Alan J. Harper. 118 00:06:38,518 --> 00:06:42,586 He's a school bus driver, and he also makes these decorative pigs... 119 00:06:42,754 --> 00:06:45,439 ...out of bleach bottles and pipe cleaners. 120 00:06:45,607 --> 00:06:48,028 I'm not Googling you. I'm Googling me. 121 00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:55,034 "CharlieHarperSucks. Com." 122 00:06:56,345 --> 00:06:58,647 That's gotta be a different Charlie Harper. 123 00:07:05,028 --> 00:07:06,364 Okay. 124 00:07:06,538 --> 00:07:08,339 I have a bad feeling. 125 00:07:14,592 --> 00:07:16,143 Oh, boy. 126 00:07:16,689 --> 00:07:18,908 Oh, man. 127 00:07:19,122 --> 00:07:21,460 Oh, crap. 128 00:07:22,477 --> 00:07:25,281 - Are you still reading that thing? - How can I not? 129 00:07:25,456 --> 00:07:28,343 It's an entire website devoted to trashing me. 130 00:07:28,518 --> 00:07:29,854 Listen to this: 131 00:07:30,028 --> 00:07:33,965 "Has anybody had sex with Charlie where he actually took his socks off?" 132 00:07:35,439 --> 00:07:38,076 That's just mean. I have bad circulation in my feet. 133 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,384 They get cold. 134 00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:45,043 Check this out. Some girl posted audio off her answering machine. 135 00:07:47,141 --> 00:07:50,494 Hey, it's me. I just wanted to tell you I had a great time last night. 136 00:07:50,665 --> 00:07:53,552 - And I'm looking forward... - Hello, Charlie? 137 00:07:53,728 --> 00:07:55,647 Yeah, hi. 138 00:07:55,824 --> 00:07:58,211 We weren 't together last night. 139 00:07:59,767 --> 00:08:01,270 Allison? 140 00:08:01,445 --> 00:08:03,616 No, Beth. 141 00:08:03,794 --> 00:08:04,915 Thursday. 142 00:08:05,556 --> 00:08:09,362 I had a great time with you Thursday, and I thought that may... 143 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,466 Oh, Alan, what am I gonna do? 144 00:08:12,645 --> 00:08:14,983 Every woman in the city can see this stuff. 145 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,880 Every woman in the world. 146 00:08:17,092 --> 00:08:18,845 Oh, God. 147 00:08:19,021 --> 00:08:21,443 Well, you know what they say. 148 00:08:21,622 --> 00:08:23,960 Any publicity is... 149 00:08:24,138 --> 00:08:26,227 Good publicity. 150 00:08:26,446 --> 00:08:28,915 No, no, no. What I do requires secrecy. 151 00:08:29,088 --> 00:08:32,476 I need shadows and darkness. I'm like a magician. 152 00:08:32,653 --> 00:08:36,889 If everybody knows how I do it, it ceases to be entertaining. 153 00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:40,538 "Frequently Asked Questions." 154 00:08:40,707 --> 00:08:42,258 - Don't read that. - Yeah, right. 155 00:08:42,427 --> 00:08:44,681 Okay. Question: 156 00:08:44,902 --> 00:08:48,623 "How long can you expect to date Charlie after you have sex with him?" 157 00:08:48,802 --> 00:08:51,821 Answer: " It depends how late you sleep the next morning." 158 00:08:53,374 --> 00:08:57,061 Oh, come on. This is funny. You're just too close to it. 159 00:08:58,408 --> 00:09:00,710 This could be interesting. Question: 160 00:09:00,883 --> 00:09:03,817 "How does Charlie manage to fake my orgasm?" 161 00:09:03,988 --> 00:09:06,289 All right, stop it. Move over. 162 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,681 - What are you doing? - I've gotta fight back. 163 00:09:08,853 --> 00:09:11,239 Anybody can post on the message board. Why not me? 164 00:09:11,412 --> 00:09:13,917 - You're gonna post as yourself? - Don't be ridiculous. 165 00:09:14,097 --> 00:09:15,898 Everybody uses a screen name. 166 00:09:16,110 --> 00:09:19,247 "CharlieFreak219." 167 00:09:19,424 --> 00:09:21,177 Too many? 168 00:09:21,437 --> 00:09:23,155 Okay. 169 00:09:23,702 --> 00:09:25,706 CharlieFreak180. 170 00:09:29,449 --> 00:09:31,750 "In my experience... 171 00:09:32,468 --> 00:09:36,190 ...Charlie has always been... 172 00:09:36,369 --> 00:09:39,006 ...a generous lover... 173 00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:43,284 ...compassionate, fun-Ioving and sensitive." 174 00:09:43,459 --> 00:09:47,098 There. That ought to bring a little balance to the conversation. 175 00:09:47,276 --> 00:09:50,078 You really don't get the Internet, do you? 176 00:09:51,932 --> 00:09:54,949 Oh, look. I've got a response already. 177 00:09:55,119 --> 00:09:58,723 "Dear Freak: Are you just stupid... 178 00:09:58,895 --> 00:10:02,784 ...or did your skull bounce off his headboard too many times?" 179 00:10:02,964 --> 00:10:05,182 Okay, I've had enough of this. 180 00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:08,909 - How do I delete this whole thing? - You can't delete a website. 181 00:10:09,087 --> 00:10:11,092 Only the person who created it can. 182 00:10:11,269 --> 00:10:14,788 - Well, how do I find out who created it? - Now, let's see. Come on. 183 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,095 Okay. 184 00:10:17,938 --> 00:10:22,126 Okay, the domain is the property of a company in the Cayman Islands called: 185 00:10:23,433 --> 00:10:26,404 "Charlie Harper Sucks Limited." 186 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:28,586 Well, that's no help. 187 00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,435 Hey, you can buy T-shirts and coffee mugs. 188 00:10:32,661 --> 00:10:35,167 "Add to cart." 189 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:45,029 No, Mom, it is not that simple. 190 00:10:45,203 --> 00:10:48,555 I am a single mother now. Dating is very complicated. 191 00:10:49,818 --> 00:10:51,619 I understand. 192 00:10:51,789 --> 00:10:54,128 No, I can 't go back to Alan. 193 00:10:54,306 --> 00:10:55,975 Of course I still love him. 194 00:10:57,325 --> 00:10:58,960 Hey, Alan? 195 00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:01,599 How long you think this Internet fad is gonna last? 196 00:11:02,107 --> 00:11:03,491 - Okay. - What? 197 00:11:03,995 --> 00:11:06,966 Jake must've turned on his webcam before he went to school. 198 00:11:07,141 --> 00:11:11,209 I can see and hear Judith talking to her mother on the phone. 199 00:11:11,377 --> 00:11:13,680 - Why can't she hear us? - Our side's turned off. 200 00:11:13,853 --> 00:11:16,870 Are you kidding? Alan would never take me back. How do I know? 201 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,758 I just know. 202 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,645 Okay, fine. I'll ask him. 203 00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:23,915 - She wants me back. - Yes, I will ask him. 204 00:11:24,087 --> 00:11:25,674 That's nice. It's all about you. 205 00:11:25,849 --> 00:11:27,268 Okay. 206 00:11:27,443 --> 00:11:29,578 Listen, Mom, I gotta get in the shower. 207 00:11:30,253 --> 00:11:32,055 I got it. Yes. 208 00:11:34,154 --> 00:11:36,958 All right. I'll call you later. 209 00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,654 Oh, man. 210 00:11:42,879 --> 00:11:46,733 - Charlie, I need to talk about this. - Me too. 211 00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:49,041 If I don't do something about that website... 212 00:11:49,213 --> 00:11:51,265 ...I'm gonna have to chase Amish broads. 213 00:11:51,604 --> 00:11:54,109 Judith wants to reconcile. I've dreamed about this... 214 00:11:54,288 --> 00:11:57,009 ...but now that it's here, I wonder if it's what I want. 215 00:11:57,183 --> 00:12:00,953 Whoever put up that site has to be somebody I went out with at least once. 216 00:12:01,126 --> 00:12:04,060 It would be great for Jake to have both parents in one house. 217 00:12:04,230 --> 00:12:08,084 And without alimony, I could stop getting my hair cut at the barber college. 218 00:12:08,256 --> 00:12:11,478 I can eliminate married chicks, ones that don't speak English... 219 00:12:11,654 --> 00:12:14,206 ...and those to whom I was never properly introduced. 220 00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:17,184 I'll make a list of the pros and cons of going back to her. 221 00:12:17,359 --> 00:12:19,947 You know what? I'm gonna need to make a list. 222 00:12:20,379 --> 00:12:22,634 - I'm glad we talked. - I'm always here for you. 223 00:12:22,812 --> 00:12:24,314 Me too. 224 00:12:39,046 --> 00:12:41,384 Hi, Tina. Long time, huh? 225 00:12:41,562 --> 00:12:44,747 Charlie Harper. What do you want? 226 00:12:46,176 --> 00:12:48,764 I know things didn't end well between us, and... 227 00:12:48,945 --> 00:12:50,948 Really? I thought they ended perfectly. 228 00:12:51,125 --> 00:12:54,681 We spent a week in Cancún, having great sex every day. 229 00:12:54,859 --> 00:12:58,247 Flew back to L.A. You told me you'd call me tomorrow, and it's been... 230 00:12:58,425 --> 00:13:00,763 What do you know? A year and a half. 231 00:13:01,696 --> 00:13:03,747 - That long? - Oh, yeah. 232 00:13:03,919 --> 00:13:07,021 I guess time flies when you're the scum of the earth. 233 00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,120 Okay, I had that coming. 234 00:13:10,421 --> 00:13:14,907 I was thoughtless and insensitive, and I know I can never really make up for it... 235 00:13:15,077 --> 00:13:21,698 ...but I want you to know that I was wrong, and I'm really, truly sorry. 236 00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:25,353 - And...? - No "and." 237 00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:29,207 I just wanted to apologize for being a jerk. I wanna make amends. 238 00:13:29,926 --> 00:13:32,777 - You really mean that, don't you? - I do. Absolutely. 239 00:13:34,707 --> 00:13:38,943 - You wanna come in for a cup of coffee? - Sure, I guess. 240 00:13:39,825 --> 00:13:42,545 So, seeing anybody? 241 00:13:48,718 --> 00:13:53,453 "Pro: No alimony. Con: No sex." 242 00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:59,035 "Pro: See Jake all the time. Con: See Judith all the time." 243 00:13:59,204 --> 00:14:00,791 What are you doing? Give me that. 244 00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:03,518 - I'm sorry. It was just laying there. - That's private. 245 00:14:03,692 --> 00:14:05,244 Okay. 246 00:14:10,530 --> 00:14:13,214 I got another "pro" for you. 247 00:14:13,801 --> 00:14:16,569 - Yeah? What's that? - Lf you hook back up with Olive Oyl... 248 00:14:16,738 --> 00:14:19,458 ...I won't have to scrub your toilet anymore. 249 00:14:20,597 --> 00:14:25,369 Pro: No more Berta. 250 00:14:26,008 --> 00:14:28,513 You're not really thinking about going back, are you? 251 00:14:28,692 --> 00:14:30,994 I don't know. She wants to, but I'm torn. 252 00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:33,255 You're not torn. You're gutless. 253 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,240 - Do you still love her? - Of course I do. 254 00:14:37,417 --> 00:14:41,020 I mean, you know, we've been though a lot of things together. 255 00:14:41,192 --> 00:14:45,511 - She's the mother of my son. - Okay, listen to me, Zippy. 256 00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:47,894 If that's all it took to make a marriage... 257 00:14:48,072 --> 00:14:50,206 ...I'd have a husband for each of my tattoos. 258 00:14:51,553 --> 00:14:54,058 - You have tattoos? - Yeah. You wanna see them? 259 00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:57,419 No. 260 00:14:57,845 --> 00:15:01,399 You're overthinking this. When your dog dies, you don't make a list. 261 00:15:01,578 --> 00:15:03,380 You bury him, plant a shrub on top... 262 00:15:03,550 --> 00:15:06,902 ...tell the kids he's running around a farm, and move on. 263 00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:10,837 That's actually a very apt metaphor. 264 00:15:11,016 --> 00:15:14,404 My failed marriage is like a dead dog. 265 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:18,769 But it serves as fertilizer for the shrub, which represents my new life. 266 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:22,958 So if I try to revitalize the marriage... You know, digging up the dog. 267 00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:25,905 - Then I'm killing the shrub, which is me. 268 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:28,709 Like you said, it's apt. 269 00:15:31,025 --> 00:15:33,529 Thank you, Berta. You're a very insightful woman. 270 00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:36,931 I know. In a just world, you'd be washing my shorts. 271 00:15:38,029 --> 00:15:40,750 Well, thanks, nevertheless. 272 00:15:40,924 --> 00:15:44,025 Last chance to see those tattoos. 273 00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,160 No thanks. 274 00:15:46,335 --> 00:15:49,770 I can make the Road Runner do jumping jacks. 275 00:15:53,465 --> 00:15:55,971 That was a fun apology. 276 00:15:56,737 --> 00:16:00,293 Yeah, I really thought I was the one who deserved a spanking. 277 00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:03,778 - So you'll call me? - Count on it. 278 00:16:04,875 --> 00:16:08,143 Hey, not that I really care, but, do you happen to know... 279 00:16:08,356 --> 00:16:10,158 ...who started that silly website? 280 00:16:10,328 --> 00:16:12,332 No. I just found it by Googling your name. 281 00:16:12,509 --> 00:16:15,194 Most women Google the guys they go out with, you know. 282 00:16:15,362 --> 00:16:17,281 Yeah, I've heard. 283 00:16:18,213 --> 00:16:21,852 - Well, I'll see you soon. - You better. 284 00:16:24,045 --> 00:16:26,811 Okay. That went well. 285 00:16:30,001 --> 00:16:33,472 Let's see. Who's next? 286 00:17:23,314 --> 00:17:26,452 Jake, why don't you go watch some TV. I need to talk to your dad. 287 00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:30,147 Is this about the firecrackers? What firecrackers? 288 00:17:30,319 --> 00:17:33,421 I'll go watch TV. 289 00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:36,652 Come in, sit down. 290 00:17:36,821 --> 00:17:39,242 Thanks. Listen... 291 00:17:40,009 --> 00:17:42,776 - Boy, this is tough. - Okay, okay, maybe... 292 00:17:42,945 --> 00:17:45,415 ...I can make it easier for you. 293 00:17:45,588 --> 00:17:47,138 Judith... 294 00:17:47,727 --> 00:17:49,898 ...I will always love you... 295 00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:53,721 ...but there's no going back for me. 296 00:17:53,892 --> 00:17:57,328 I've learned a lot about myself in the last year, and I'm growing. 297 00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,137 And... And I wanna keep on growing. 298 00:18:01,527 --> 00:18:05,130 I will always cherish what we had... 299 00:18:05,973 --> 00:18:08,061 ...but I have to fertilize my shrub. 300 00:18:10,504 --> 00:18:13,354 - What are you talking about? - It's Berta's metaphor. 301 00:18:13,524 --> 00:18:17,127 The... The bottom line is: I don't want to reconcile. 302 00:18:17,299 --> 00:18:19,052 Our marriage is over. 303 00:18:19,229 --> 00:18:21,614 Well, what makes you think I wanna reconcile? 304 00:18:22,458 --> 00:18:24,510 What did you wanna talk to me about? 305 00:18:25,185 --> 00:18:28,239 My mom wanted me to ask if Jake could spend a couple of weeks... 306 00:18:28,415 --> 00:18:30,252 ...with them this summer. - Oh, really? 307 00:18:30,428 --> 00:18:33,113 - That's what she wanted you to ask me? - Yes. 308 00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:35,827 You didn't tell her you loved me, you missed me? 309 00:18:36,007 --> 00:18:38,559 Well, I always tell her that to shut her up. 310 00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:43,004 And how the hell do you know what I talk to my mother about? 311 00:18:45,948 --> 00:18:48,966 Hey, look, Charlie's here. 312 00:18:55,805 --> 00:18:58,907 - Answer my question, Alan. - Hold on a second, Judith. 313 00:18:59,077 --> 00:19:03,050 - Charlie, what's wrong? - I've been making amends. 314 00:19:03,691 --> 00:19:05,861 Five amends in one afternoon. 315 00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:10,442 Well, technically, four. I had to fake the last one. 316 00:19:12,416 --> 00:19:15,004 - Charlie, Alan and I are talking. - Don't worry. 317 00:19:15,184 --> 00:19:17,952 I'll be out of your way as soon as I check on something. 318 00:19:18,121 --> 00:19:19,922 They all denied running the website... 319 00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:23,361 ...but at least I should have some good reviews now. 320 00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:25,833 Listen to this: 321 00:19:26,007 --> 00:19:29,609 "Charlie came over and apologized today, and, oh, what an apology it was. 322 00:19:29,781 --> 00:19:32,287 I take back everything nasty I ever said about him." 323 00:19:32,466 --> 00:19:34,303 Not bad, huh? 324 00:19:35,277 --> 00:19:36,482 Here's another one: 325 00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:41,819 "He apologized to you today? 326 00:19:41,988 --> 00:19:44,923 He apologized to me too." 327 00:19:45,092 --> 00:19:48,480 Okay, I have a bad feeling again. 328 00:19:48,657 --> 00:19:50,877 Alan, how do you know what I said to my mother? 329 00:19:53,229 --> 00:19:56,784 I didn't actually know. I surmised. 330 00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,633 I should go talk to Charlie. 331 00:19:58,809 --> 00:20:02,077 Hey, Dad, check it out. I can see my room on your computer. 332 00:20:04,723 --> 00:20:08,529 Okay, now I've got a bad feeling. 333 00:20:12,566 --> 00:20:14,869 My heart was in the right place, Rose. 334 00:20:15,042 --> 00:20:17,762 - I know. - All I wanted to do was apologize. 335 00:20:17,936 --> 00:20:20,620 - I had no ulterior motives. - I believe you. 336 00:20:20,788 --> 00:20:22,458 Thank you. 337 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:25,815 Did I ever apologize to you? 338 00:20:26,828 --> 00:20:31,099 You mean, for our one-night stand that kind of, sort of broke my heart? 339 00:20:32,785 --> 00:20:34,121 Yeah, for that. 340 00:20:35,511 --> 00:20:37,015 No, not really. 341 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:41,591 Okay, well, I am truly sorry. 342 00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:44,314 You're a wonderful person, and you deserved better. 343 00:20:45,033 --> 00:20:46,918 Thank you, Charlie. 344 00:20:47,089 --> 00:20:49,891 - That's sweet. - I mean it. 345 00:20:56,695 --> 00:20:58,579 - What's that? - Oh, this? 346 00:20:58,749 --> 00:21:02,853 It's one of those new web browser, e-mail gadgets. 347 00:21:03,070 --> 00:21:05,074 Cool. 27510

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