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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:03,217 --> 00:00:05,436
Two white wines
and a Jack and ginger.
2
00:00:06,237 --> 00:00:08,659
Please tell me the Jack and ginger
isn't for you.
3
00:00:08,839 --> 00:00:10,926
No, it's for my girlfriend. Why?
4
00:00:11,690 --> 00:00:14,029
You look like a woman of
discriminating taste...
5
00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:16,593
...and mixing a quality
bourbon with ginger ale...
6
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:20,488
...is like putting Cheez Whiz
on lobster Newburgh.
7
00:00:21,883 --> 00:00:24,472
Well, what if I said
the Jack and ginger was for me?
8
00:00:25,071 --> 00:00:27,707
Well, then, I'd learn to live with it.
9
00:00:29,602 --> 00:00:32,237
- Charlie.
- Gail.
10
00:00:32,958 --> 00:00:36,762
Sorry I'm late. I stopped off at Radio
Barn, and wait till you see what I got.
11
00:00:36,942 --> 00:00:38,993
Alan, I'm kind of in the middle of...
12
00:00:41,933 --> 00:00:43,652
Damn you to hell.
13
00:00:43,821 --> 00:00:45,992
- What? What did I do?
- Forget it.
14
00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:48,305
It's who you are,
you can't help yourself.
15
00:00:49,148 --> 00:00:51,916
Okay. Anyway, check this out.
Know what that is?
16
00:00:52,630 --> 00:00:56,818
- A two megapixel, full-color webcam.
- Right.
17
00:00:56,993 --> 00:00:59,378
How do I do it?
18
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:02,815
I got one for me and for Jake.
We can hook them to our computers...
19
00:01:02,991 --> 00:01:05,710
...so when he's at his mother's,
we can have video chats.
20
00:01:05,884 --> 00:01:07,137
- That's cool.
- Isn't it?
21
00:01:07,311 --> 00:01:10,998
Yeah, with a couple of these, phone sex
becomes less phone and more sex.
22
00:01:11,716 --> 00:01:14,017
These are to maintain
my relationship with Jake.
23
00:01:14,190 --> 00:01:15,860
It's the worst part of the divorce:
24
00:01:16,036 --> 00:01:18,720
- Only seeing him on weekends.
- I get that. I sympathize.
25
00:01:18,888 --> 00:01:21,775
But you can see the validity
of my vision too, right?
26
00:01:22,789 --> 00:01:27,358
Oh, look. Built-in microphone.
Totally hands-free. Perfect.
27
00:01:28,536 --> 00:01:31,387
- Excuse me.
- Oh, hey, Gail. Good to see you again.
28
00:01:31,556 --> 00:01:33,357
Don't move, don't talk.
29
00:01:34,366 --> 00:01:37,134
- Are you Charlie Harper?
- Yeah. Why?
30
00:01:37,303 --> 00:01:40,488
You were right. It's him.
31
00:01:43,384 --> 00:01:45,187
What...? What...? What's funny?
32
00:01:45,357 --> 00:01:47,158
Nothing.
33
00:01:49,006 --> 00:01:50,843
So listen, can I buy you a drink?
34
00:01:53,284 --> 00:01:55,335
He wants to buy me a drink.
35
00:01:57,059 --> 00:01:59,361
Then what? We go back
to your beach house...
36
00:01:59,534 --> 00:02:03,686
...sit on the deck, look at the stars, talk
about how you love being an uncle...
37
00:02:03,855 --> 00:02:06,073
...and how you'd
like kids of your own...
38
00:02:06,245 --> 00:02:09,598
...and by the way, I have the
most beautiful eyes in the world.
39
00:02:09,811 --> 00:02:12,447
I'm sorry. Have we met before?
40
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:15,719
No. And we're not gonna meet now.
41
00:02:18,326 --> 00:02:22,179
Okay. I have a bad feeling.
42
00:02:30,909 --> 00:02:32,998
Is the camera on?
43
00:02:33,301 --> 00:02:35,436
Good. Now, hit "connect."
44
00:02:35,649 --> 00:02:38,417
I can see you. Can you see me?
45
00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:42,401
Yeah, yeah. I can hear you too.
You can hang up the phone.
46
00:02:42,571 --> 00:02:44,240
This is awesome.
47
00:02:44,416 --> 00:02:47,519
- Yeah, we can see each other every day.
- Cool.
48
00:02:52,093 --> 00:02:53,726
So...
49
00:02:54,483 --> 00:02:55,866
What's new?
50
00:02:56,036 --> 00:02:57,622
Nothing.
51
00:03:00,649 --> 00:03:02,785
What's new with you?
52
00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:06,640
Not much.
53
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:19,264
- Hey, Charlie.
- Rose, stop.
54
00:03:19,819 --> 00:03:22,205
- What?
- We're friends now, right?
55
00:03:22,713 --> 00:03:23,798
Right.
56
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:27,825
Our one-night stand is ancient history.
You're not stalking me anymore, right?
57
00:03:27,998 --> 00:03:31,553
- Right.
- Then use the damn stairs.
58
00:03:31,774 --> 00:03:34,075
- Really?
- Yes.
59
00:03:34,249 --> 00:03:35,835
Okay.
60
00:03:40,331 --> 00:03:44,399
- I'm opening up the gate.
- I'm proud of you.
61
00:03:44,568 --> 00:03:48,288
- I'm starting up the stairs.
- You can do it.
62
00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,899
Oh, boy.
63
00:03:52,075 --> 00:03:54,628
I don't know about this.
64
00:03:55,347 --> 00:03:57,482
- You'll get used to it.
- Yeah, we'll see.
65
00:04:00,465 --> 00:04:02,468
I'm surprised to see you home.
66
00:04:02,646 --> 00:04:05,198
- It's ladies' night at Pavlov's.
- I know.
67
00:04:05,372 --> 00:04:09,059
Well, isn't that kind of like
rabbit season for Elmer Fudd?
68
00:04:09,525 --> 00:04:10,992
Used to be.
69
00:04:11,161 --> 00:04:12,795
Let me ask you question.
70
00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:15,853
How much do chicks talk
about men they've been with?
71
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:17,788
Not as much as you'd think.
72
00:04:17,999 --> 00:04:20,419
- Really?
- Way more.
73
00:04:21,563 --> 00:04:24,284
- Why?
- Well, I ran into some women last night.
74
00:04:24,458 --> 00:04:25,794
Never met them before.
75
00:04:25,968 --> 00:04:28,771
But they seem to have already formed
a poor opinion of me.
76
00:04:29,324 --> 00:04:32,258
So you think somebody's out there
spreading nasty rumors?
77
00:04:32,428 --> 00:04:36,318
Worse. I think somebody's out there
spreading the truth.
78
00:04:36,539 --> 00:04:39,259
Well, you have burned
a few bridges in this town.
79
00:04:39,433 --> 00:04:43,668
Hey, I don't burn bridges.
I have casual sex with relative strangers.
80
00:04:43,837 --> 00:04:45,721
There's a difference.
81
00:04:46,648 --> 00:04:48,066
And I'm always honest.
82
00:04:48,241 --> 00:04:52,977
I never lead a woman on.
Unless I'm, you know, totally bombed.
83
00:04:54,323 --> 00:04:58,595
Last night was probably the result
of one woman with an ax to grind.
84
00:04:58,770 --> 00:05:00,321
Probably.
85
00:05:00,490 --> 00:05:01,957
Yeah, that's it.
86
00:05:02,126 --> 00:05:05,348
- I'm making myself crazy over nothing.
- Oh, I do that all the time.
87
00:05:05,524 --> 00:05:07,909
It's a great way to fill up
a slow weekend.
88
00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:11,889
Rose, that night we spent together...
89
00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:13,987
...did I tell you
you had beautiful eyes?
90
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:18,986
Well, let's see. We had a couple
of drinks, you invited me back here.
91
00:05:19,155 --> 00:05:22,842
We were sitting out on the deck,
looking at the stars.
92
00:05:23,015 --> 00:05:24,852
And, yeah, you said:
93
00:05:25,029 --> 00:05:28,714
"By the way, you have
the most beautiful eyes in the world."
94
00:05:30,523 --> 00:05:32,527
I guess I do use that a lot.
95
00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:36,353
But, damn it, it's good.
96
00:05:37,192 --> 00:05:39,913
Are you sure it's not red?Look again.
97
00:05:42,939 --> 00:05:47,425
It looks fine.
You have to go to school tomorrow.
98
00:05:47,637 --> 00:05:50,225
- Good night, Rose.
- Night, Charlie.
99
00:05:50,406 --> 00:05:52,660
And don't forget to use the...
100
00:05:53,971 --> 00:05:55,640
Never mind.
101
00:05:55,817 --> 00:05:57,319
Oh, Charlie, Charlie.
Come here.
102
00:05:57,495 --> 00:06:00,381
- Say hello to your Uncle Charlie.
- Hey, Uncle Charlie.
103
00:06:00,556 --> 00:06:02,978
- Hi, Jake.
- I can see you.
104
00:06:03,158 --> 00:06:04,911
I can see you too.
105
00:06:05,716 --> 00:06:07,267
So...
106
00:06:07,772 --> 00:06:09,441
What's new?
107
00:06:09,617 --> 00:06:12,170
Not much.
What's new with you?
108
00:06:12,344 --> 00:06:14,097
Nothing. Oh, wait.I Googled you...
109
00:06:14,273 --> 00:06:16,110
... and you'll never guesswhat I found.
110
00:06:16,286 --> 00:06:18,338
Jake, are you in the bathtub?
111
00:06:18,510 --> 00:06:20,012
Yeah. Gotta go.
112
00:06:20,187 --> 00:06:22,609
No, no, no. Wait, Jake,
what are you talking about?
113
00:06:22,788 --> 00:06:24,625
- What's he talking about?
- I don't know.
114
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,438
But if you Google me,
you'll find pages that mention...
115
00:06:27,612 --> 00:06:30,749
...my San Fernando Valley
Chiropractor of the Year award.
116
00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:32,727
That's nice.
Get out of the way.
117
00:06:35,330 --> 00:06:38,348
Oh, careful. There's another
Alan J. Harper.
118
00:06:38,518 --> 00:06:42,586
He's a school bus driver, and he also
makes these decorative pigs...
119
00:06:42,754 --> 00:06:45,439
...out of bleach bottles
and pipe cleaners.
120
00:06:45,607 --> 00:06:48,028
I'm not Googling you.
I'm Googling me.
121
00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:55,034
"CharlieHarperSucks. Com."
122
00:06:56,345 --> 00:06:58,647
That's gotta be a different
Charlie Harper.
123
00:07:05,028 --> 00:07:06,364
Okay.
124
00:07:06,538 --> 00:07:08,339
I have a bad feeling.
125
00:07:14,592 --> 00:07:16,143
Oh, boy.
126
00:07:16,689 --> 00:07:18,908
Oh, man.
127
00:07:19,122 --> 00:07:21,460
Oh, crap.
128
00:07:22,477 --> 00:07:25,281
- Are you still reading that thing?
- How can I not?
129
00:07:25,456 --> 00:07:28,343
It's an entire website
devoted to trashing me.
130
00:07:28,518 --> 00:07:29,854
Listen to this:
131
00:07:30,028 --> 00:07:33,965
"Has anybody had sex with Charlie
where he actually took his socks off?"
132
00:07:35,439 --> 00:07:38,076
That's just mean.
I have bad circulation in my feet.
133
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,384
They get cold.
134
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:45,043
Check this out. Some girl posted audio
off her answering machine.
135
00:07:47,141 --> 00:07:50,494
Hey, it's me. I just wanted to tell youI had a great time last night.
136
00:07:50,665 --> 00:07:53,552
- And I'm looking forward...
- Hello, Charlie?
137
00:07:53,728 --> 00:07:55,647
Yeah, hi.
138
00:07:55,824 --> 00:07:58,211
We weren 't together last night.
139
00:07:59,767 --> 00:08:01,270
Allison?
140
00:08:01,445 --> 00:08:03,616
No, Beth.
141
00:08:03,794 --> 00:08:04,915
Thursday.
142
00:08:05,556 --> 00:08:09,362
I had a great time with you Thursday,and I thought that may...
143
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,466
Oh, Alan, what am I gonna do?
144
00:08:12,645 --> 00:08:14,983
Every woman in the city
can see this stuff.
145
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,880
Every woman in the world.
146
00:08:17,092 --> 00:08:18,845
Oh, God.
147
00:08:19,021 --> 00:08:21,443
Well, you know what they say.
148
00:08:21,622 --> 00:08:23,960
Any publicity is...
149
00:08:24,138 --> 00:08:26,227
Good publicity.
150
00:08:26,446 --> 00:08:28,915
No, no, no.
What I do requires secrecy.
151
00:08:29,088 --> 00:08:32,476
I need shadows and darkness.
I'm like a magician.
152
00:08:32,653 --> 00:08:36,889
If everybody knows how I do it,
it ceases to be entertaining.
153
00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:40,538
"Frequently Asked Questions."
154
00:08:40,707 --> 00:08:42,258
- Don't read that.
- Yeah, right.
155
00:08:42,427 --> 00:08:44,681
Okay. Question:
156
00:08:44,902 --> 00:08:48,623
"How long can you expect to date
Charlie after you have sex with him?"
157
00:08:48,802 --> 00:08:51,821
Answer: " It depends how late
you sleep the next morning."
158
00:08:53,374 --> 00:08:57,061
Oh, come on. This is funny.
You're just too close to it.
159
00:08:58,408 --> 00:09:00,710
This could be interesting. Question:
160
00:09:00,883 --> 00:09:03,817
"How does Charlie manage
to fake my orgasm?"
161
00:09:03,988 --> 00:09:06,289
All right, stop it. Move over.
162
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,681
- What are you doing?
- I've gotta fight back.
163
00:09:08,853 --> 00:09:11,239
Anybody can post on the message board.
Why not me?
164
00:09:11,412 --> 00:09:13,917
- You're gonna post as yourself?
- Don't be ridiculous.
165
00:09:14,097 --> 00:09:15,898
Everybody uses a screen name.
166
00:09:16,110 --> 00:09:19,247
"CharlieFreak219."
167
00:09:19,424 --> 00:09:21,177
Too many?
168
00:09:21,437 --> 00:09:23,155
Okay.
169
00:09:23,702 --> 00:09:25,706
CharlieFreak180.
170
00:09:29,449 --> 00:09:31,750
"In my experience...
171
00:09:32,468 --> 00:09:36,190
...Charlie has always been...
172
00:09:36,369 --> 00:09:39,006
...a generous lover...
173
00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:43,284
...compassionate, fun-Ioving
and sensitive."
174
00:09:43,459 --> 00:09:47,098
There. That ought to bring
a little balance to the conversation.
175
00:09:47,276 --> 00:09:50,078
You really don't get the Internet,
do you?
176
00:09:51,932 --> 00:09:54,949
Oh, look. I've got a response already.
177
00:09:55,119 --> 00:09:58,723
"Dear Freak: Are you just stupid...
178
00:09:58,895 --> 00:10:02,784
...or did your skull bounce off
his headboard too many times?"
179
00:10:02,964 --> 00:10:05,182
Okay, I've had enough of this.
180
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:08,909
- How do I delete this whole thing?
- You can't delete a website.
181
00:10:09,087 --> 00:10:11,092
Only the person who created it can.
182
00:10:11,269 --> 00:10:14,788
- Well, how do I find out who created it?
- Now, let's see. Come on.
183
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,095
Okay.
184
00:10:17,938 --> 00:10:22,126
Okay, the domain is the property of a
company in the Cayman Islands called:
185
00:10:23,433 --> 00:10:26,404
"Charlie Harper Sucks Limited."
186
00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:28,586
Well, that's no help.
187
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,435
Hey, you can buy T-shirts
and coffee mugs.
188
00:10:32,661 --> 00:10:35,167
"Add to cart."
189
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:45,029
No, Mom, it is not that simple.
190
00:10:45,203 --> 00:10:48,555
I am a single mother now.Dating is very complicated.
191
00:10:49,818 --> 00:10:51,619
I understand.
192
00:10:51,789 --> 00:10:54,128
No, I can 't go back to Alan.
193
00:10:54,306 --> 00:10:55,975
Of course I still love him.
194
00:10:57,325 --> 00:10:58,960
Hey, Alan?
195
00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:01,599
How long you think this Internet fad
is gonna last?
196
00:11:02,107 --> 00:11:03,491
- Okay.
- What?
197
00:11:03,995 --> 00:11:06,966
Jake must've turned on his webcam
before he went to school.
198
00:11:07,141 --> 00:11:11,209
I can see and hear Judith
talking to her mother on the phone.
199
00:11:11,377 --> 00:11:13,680
- Why can't she hear us?
- Our side's turned off.
200
00:11:13,853 --> 00:11:16,870
Are you kidding? Alan would nevertake me back. How do I know?
201
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,758
I just know.
202
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,645
Okay, fine. I'll ask him.
203
00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:23,915
- She wants me back.
- Yes, I will ask him.
204
00:11:24,087 --> 00:11:25,674
That's nice. It's all about you.
205
00:11:25,849 --> 00:11:27,268
Okay.
206
00:11:27,443 --> 00:11:29,578
Listen, Mom, I gotta get in the shower.
207
00:11:30,253 --> 00:11:32,055
I got it. Yes.
208
00:11:34,154 --> 00:11:36,958
All right. I'll call you later.
209
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,654
Oh, man.
210
00:11:42,879 --> 00:11:46,733
- Charlie, I need to talk about this.
- Me too.
211
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:49,041
If I don't do something
about that website...
212
00:11:49,213 --> 00:11:51,265
...I'm gonna have to chase
Amish broads.
213
00:11:51,604 --> 00:11:54,109
Judith wants to reconcile.
I've dreamed about this...
214
00:11:54,288 --> 00:11:57,009
...but now that it's here,
I wonder if it's what I want.
215
00:11:57,183 --> 00:12:00,953
Whoever put up that site has to be
somebody I went out with at least once.
216
00:12:01,126 --> 00:12:04,060
It would be great for Jake
to have both parents in one house.
217
00:12:04,230 --> 00:12:08,084
And without alimony, I could stop
getting my hair cut at the barber college.
218
00:12:08,256 --> 00:12:11,478
I can eliminate married chicks,
ones that don't speak English...
219
00:12:11,654 --> 00:12:14,206
...and those to whom
I was never properly introduced.
220
00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:17,184
I'll make a list of the pros and cons
of going back to her.
221
00:12:17,359 --> 00:12:19,947
You know what?
I'm gonna need to make a list.
222
00:12:20,379 --> 00:12:22,634
- I'm glad we talked.
- I'm always here for you.
223
00:12:22,812 --> 00:12:24,314
Me too.
224
00:12:39,046 --> 00:12:41,384
Hi, Tina. Long time, huh?
225
00:12:41,562 --> 00:12:44,747
Charlie Harper. What do you want?
226
00:12:46,176 --> 00:12:48,764
I know things didn't end well
between us, and...
227
00:12:48,945 --> 00:12:50,948
Really? I thought they ended perfectly.
228
00:12:51,125 --> 00:12:54,681
We spent a week in Cancún,
having great sex every day.
229
00:12:54,859 --> 00:12:58,247
Flew back to L.A. You told me you'd
call me tomorrow, and it's been...
230
00:12:58,425 --> 00:13:00,763
What do you know?
A year and a half.
231
00:13:01,696 --> 00:13:03,747
- That long?
- Oh, yeah.
232
00:13:03,919 --> 00:13:07,021
I guess time flies when
you're the scum of the earth.
233
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,120
Okay, I had that coming.
234
00:13:10,421 --> 00:13:14,907
I was thoughtless and insensitive, and I
know I can never really make up for it...
235
00:13:15,077 --> 00:13:21,698
...but I want you to know that I was
wrong, and I'm really, truly sorry.
236
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:25,353
- And...?
- No "and."
237
00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:29,207
I just wanted to apologize for
being a jerk. I wanna make amends.
238
00:13:29,926 --> 00:13:32,777
- You really mean that, don't you?
- I do. Absolutely.
239
00:13:34,707 --> 00:13:38,943
- You wanna come in for a cup of coffee?
- Sure, I guess.
240
00:13:39,825 --> 00:13:42,545
So, seeing anybody?
241
00:13:48,718 --> 00:13:53,453
"Pro: No alimony. Con: No sex."
242
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:59,035
"Pro: See Jake all the time.
Con: See Judith all the time."
243
00:13:59,204 --> 00:14:00,791
What are you doing? Give me that.
244
00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:03,518
- I'm sorry. It was just laying there.
- That's private.
245
00:14:03,692 --> 00:14:05,244
Okay.
246
00:14:10,530 --> 00:14:13,214
I got another "pro" for you.
247
00:14:13,801 --> 00:14:16,569
- Yeah? What's that?
- Lf you hook back up with Olive Oyl...
248
00:14:16,738 --> 00:14:19,458
...I won't have to scrub your toilet
anymore.
249
00:14:20,597 --> 00:14:25,369
Pro: No more Berta.
250
00:14:26,008 --> 00:14:28,513
You're not really thinking about
going back, are you?
251
00:14:28,692 --> 00:14:30,994
I don't know.
She wants to, but I'm torn.
252
00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:33,255
You're not torn. You're gutless.
253
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,240
- Do you still love her?
- Of course I do.
254
00:14:37,417 --> 00:14:41,020
I mean, you know, we've been though
a lot of things together.
255
00:14:41,192 --> 00:14:45,511
- She's the mother of my son.
- Okay, listen to me, Zippy.
256
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:47,894
If that's all it took
to make a marriage...
257
00:14:48,072 --> 00:14:50,206
...I'd have a husband
for each of my tattoos.
258
00:14:51,553 --> 00:14:54,058
- You have tattoos?
- Yeah. You wanna see them?
259
00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:57,419
No.
260
00:14:57,845 --> 00:15:01,399
You're overthinking this. When your
dog dies, you don't make a list.
261
00:15:01,578 --> 00:15:03,380
You bury him, plant a shrub on top...
262
00:15:03,550 --> 00:15:06,902
...tell the kids he's running around
a farm, and move on.
263
00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:10,837
That's actually a very apt metaphor.
264
00:15:11,016 --> 00:15:14,404
My failed marriage is like a dead dog.
265
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:18,769
But it serves as fertilizer for the shrub,
which represents my new life.
266
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:22,958
So if I try to revitalize the marriage...
You know, digging up the dog.
267
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:25,905
- Then I'm killing the shrub,
which is me.
268
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:28,709
Like you said, it's apt.
269
00:15:31,025 --> 00:15:33,529
Thank you, Berta.
You're a very insightful woman.
270
00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:36,931
I know. In a just world,
you'd be washing my shorts.
271
00:15:38,029 --> 00:15:40,750
Well, thanks, nevertheless.
272
00:15:40,924 --> 00:15:44,025
Last chance to see those tattoos.
273
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,160
No thanks.
274
00:15:46,335 --> 00:15:49,770
I can make the Road Runner
do jumping jacks.
275
00:15:53,465 --> 00:15:55,971
That was a fun apology.
276
00:15:56,737 --> 00:16:00,293
Yeah, I really thought
I was the one who deserved a spanking.
277
00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:03,778
- So you'll call me?
- Count on it.
278
00:16:04,875 --> 00:16:08,143
Hey, not that I really care, but,
do you happen to know...
279
00:16:08,356 --> 00:16:10,158
...who started that silly website?
280
00:16:10,328 --> 00:16:12,332
No. I just found it
by Googling your name.
281
00:16:12,509 --> 00:16:15,194
Most women Google
the guys they go out with, you know.
282
00:16:15,362 --> 00:16:17,281
Yeah, I've heard.
283
00:16:18,213 --> 00:16:21,852
- Well, I'll see you soon.
- You better.
284
00:16:24,045 --> 00:16:26,811
Okay. That went well.
285
00:16:30,001 --> 00:16:33,472
Let's see. Who's next?
286
00:17:23,314 --> 00:17:26,452
Jake, why don't you go watch
some TV. I need to talk to your dad.
287
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:30,147
Is this about the firecrackers?
What firecrackers?
288
00:17:30,319 --> 00:17:33,421
I'll go watch TV.
289
00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:36,652
Come in, sit down.
290
00:17:36,821 --> 00:17:39,242
Thanks. Listen...
291
00:17:40,009 --> 00:17:42,776
- Boy, this is tough.
- Okay, okay, maybe...
292
00:17:42,945 --> 00:17:45,415
...I can make it easier for you.
293
00:17:45,588 --> 00:17:47,138
Judith...
294
00:17:47,727 --> 00:17:49,898
...I will always love you...
295
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:53,721
...but there's no going back for me.
296
00:17:53,892 --> 00:17:57,328
I've learned a lot about myself
in the last year, and I'm growing.
297
00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,137
And... And I wanna keep on growing.
298
00:18:01,527 --> 00:18:05,130
I will always cherish
what we had...
299
00:18:05,973 --> 00:18:08,061
...but I have to fertilize my shrub.
300
00:18:10,504 --> 00:18:13,354
- What are you talking about?
- It's Berta's metaphor.
301
00:18:13,524 --> 00:18:17,127
The... The bottom line is:
I don't want to reconcile.
302
00:18:17,299 --> 00:18:19,052
Our marriage is over.
303
00:18:19,229 --> 00:18:21,614
Well, what makes you think
I wanna reconcile?
304
00:18:22,458 --> 00:18:24,510
What did you wanna talk to me about?
305
00:18:25,185 --> 00:18:28,239
My mom wanted me to ask
if Jake could spend a couple of weeks...
306
00:18:28,415 --> 00:18:30,252
...with them this summer.
- Oh, really?
307
00:18:30,428 --> 00:18:33,113
- That's what she wanted you to ask me?
- Yes.
308
00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:35,827
You didn't tell her you loved me,
you missed me?
309
00:18:36,007 --> 00:18:38,559
Well, I always tell her that
to shut her up.
310
00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:43,004
And how the hell do you know
what I talk to my mother about?
311
00:18:45,948 --> 00:18:48,966
Hey, look, Charlie's here.
312
00:18:55,805 --> 00:18:58,907
- Answer my question, Alan.
- Hold on a second, Judith.
313
00:18:59,077 --> 00:19:03,050
- Charlie, what's wrong?
- I've been making amends.
314
00:19:03,691 --> 00:19:05,861
Five amends in one afternoon.
315
00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:10,442
Well, technically, four.
I had to fake the last one.
316
00:19:12,416 --> 00:19:15,004
- Charlie, Alan and I are talking.
- Don't worry.
317
00:19:15,184 --> 00:19:17,952
I'll be out of your way as soon
as I check on something.
318
00:19:18,121 --> 00:19:19,922
They all denied
running the website...
319
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:23,361
...but at least I should have
some good reviews now.
320
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:25,833
Listen to this:
321
00:19:26,007 --> 00:19:29,609
"Charlie came over and apologized today,
and, oh, what an apology it was.
322
00:19:29,781 --> 00:19:32,287
I take back everything nasty
I ever said about him."
323
00:19:32,466 --> 00:19:34,303
Not bad, huh?
324
00:19:35,277 --> 00:19:36,482
Here's another one:
325
00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:41,819
"He apologized to you today?
326
00:19:41,988 --> 00:19:44,923
He apologized to me too."
327
00:19:45,092 --> 00:19:48,480
Okay, I have a bad feeling again.
328
00:19:48,657 --> 00:19:50,877
Alan, how do you know what
I said to my mother?
329
00:19:53,229 --> 00:19:56,784
I didn't actually know.
I surmised.
330
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,633
I should go talk to Charlie.
331
00:19:58,809 --> 00:20:02,077
Hey, Dad, check it out.
I can see my room on your computer.
332
00:20:04,723 --> 00:20:08,529
Okay, now I've got a bad feeling.
333
00:20:12,566 --> 00:20:14,869
My heart was in the right place, Rose.
334
00:20:15,042 --> 00:20:17,762
- I know.
- All I wanted to do was apologize.
335
00:20:17,936 --> 00:20:20,620
- I had no ulterior motives.
- I believe you.
336
00:20:20,788 --> 00:20:22,458
Thank you.
337
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:25,815
Did I ever apologize to you?
338
00:20:26,828 --> 00:20:31,099
You mean, for our one-night stand
that kind of, sort of broke my heart?
339
00:20:32,785 --> 00:20:34,121
Yeah, for that.
340
00:20:35,511 --> 00:20:37,015
No, not really.
341
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:41,591
Okay, well, I am truly sorry.
342
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:44,314
You're a wonderful person,
and you deserved better.
343
00:20:45,033 --> 00:20:46,918
Thank you, Charlie.
344
00:20:47,089 --> 00:20:49,891
- That's sweet.
- I mean it.
345
00:20:56,695 --> 00:20:58,579
- What's that?
- Oh, this?
346
00:20:58,749 --> 00:21:02,853
It's one of those new
web browser, e-mail gadgets.
347
00:21:03,070 --> 00:21:05,074
Cool.
27510
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