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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,870 --> 00:00:04,043 I decided if I was gonna get my boobs done... 2 00:00:04,293 --> 00:00:07,260 ...I might as well go whole-hog, you know what I mean? 3 00:00:07,469 --> 00:00:09,892 Yeah, I know what you mean. 4 00:00:09,850 --> 00:00:12,642 They're still pretty natural-Iooking, don't you think? 5 00:00:13,234 --> 00:00:15,365 They fooled me. 6 00:00:15,574 --> 00:00:18,624 Oh, yeah, gotta get right up on them before you can tell. 7 00:00:18,499 --> 00:00:21,505 I think they're really gonna help me reach my career goals. 8 00:00:23,596 --> 00:00:25,810 Do you remember what they were? 9 00:00:26,019 --> 00:00:27,941 What what were? 10 00:00:28,150 --> 00:00:30,448 My career goals. 11 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:34,960 Yeah, sure. You wanna be an actress, right? 12 00:00:35,211 --> 00:00:38,470 No, silly. I wanna be a talk show host. 13 00:00:39,389 --> 00:00:40,726 Right. 14 00:00:42,940 --> 00:00:46,565 Of course, what they don't tell you is: Big boobies equal bad back. 15 00:00:48,455 --> 00:00:50,878 Say that three times fast. 16 00:00:51,087 --> 00:00:54,555 - No, thank you. - Big boobies equal bad back. 17 00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:58,441 Big boobies equal bad back. Big boobies equal bad back. 18 00:00:57,730 --> 00:01:01,188 Get your skinny little butt in here, and I'll interview you standing up. 19 00:01:01,741 --> 00:01:03,536 I'll be right there. 20 00:01:03,747 --> 00:01:05,458 Okay, we're back. 21 00:01:05,627 --> 00:01:08,586 Now, let's give a warm, soapy welcome to my next guest... 22 00:01:11,267 --> 00:01:15,947 ...and my close personal friend, Charlie Harper. 23 00:01:22,506 --> 00:01:24,010 Hey. Where you off to? 24 00:01:21,963 --> 00:01:25,219 I don't know. Anywhere. 25 00:01:26,559 --> 00:01:29,185 Charlie, the shower's still running. 26 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:33,954 Oh, fine. 27 00:01:35,124 --> 00:01:37,286 There you are. 28 00:01:41,433 --> 00:01:44,011 Charlie! Charlie, help me! 29 00:01:44,441 --> 00:01:47,566 - What's going on? - Nothing. Go watch TV. 30 00:01:47,783 --> 00:01:49,910 Yeah, right. 31 00:01:59,565 --> 00:02:03,439 Well, I'm sorry, Alan, but who told you to go sticking your hand in my shower? 32 00:02:04,119 --> 00:02:07,161 Oh, please. How can she sue you? You have no money. 33 00:02:09,342 --> 00:02:10,803 Oh, boy. 34 00:02:11,556 --> 00:02:15,395 Nothing. Just saw an old girlfriend. Talk to you later. 35 00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,235 Lisa? 36 00:02:18,951 --> 00:02:20,282 Oh, boy. 37 00:02:21,124 --> 00:02:23,536 Charlie. I don't believe it. 38 00:02:24,216 --> 00:02:26,295 - You look great. - You too. 39 00:02:26,932 --> 00:02:31,268 Although if you're taking votes, I prefer the brown sock to the beige one. 40 00:02:31,444 --> 00:02:34,819 What? Oh, I got kind of dressed in a hurry this morning. 41 00:02:35,037 --> 00:02:37,996 Really? Did somebody's husband come home early? 42 00:02:39,006 --> 00:02:42,345 Why do you always assume the worst? Can't I just be hung-over? 43 00:02:43,268 --> 00:02:45,264 Sorry. So how are you? 44 00:02:45,482 --> 00:02:49,106 Fine. I mean, you know, considering. 45 00:02:49,326 --> 00:02:51,156 And you? How's married life? 46 00:02:51,373 --> 00:02:53,915 Really great. Best decision I ever made. 47 00:02:54,089 --> 00:02:56,215 You deserve all the happiness in the world... 48 00:02:56,387 --> 00:02:59,976 ...and you found a guy who can give it. - Thanks. That's very sweet. 49 00:03:00,189 --> 00:03:03,778 - I mean it sincerely. It warms my heart... - Okay, we broke up. 50 00:03:04,868 --> 00:03:08,457 Oh, I am so, so sorry. Honestly. 51 00:03:09,130 --> 00:03:11,459 Yes. Yes. 52 00:03:13,684 --> 00:03:18,188 - So, what happened? - None of your business. 53 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:20,910 Okay. 54 00:03:26,761 --> 00:03:29,090 I thought he was the sweetest guy in the world... 55 00:03:29,268 --> 00:03:31,145 ...but after we got married, he changed. 56 00:03:31,315 --> 00:03:34,440 He started drinking a lot, and lying around the house all day. 57 00:03:34,658 --> 00:03:36,868 Oh, no. 58 00:03:37,081 --> 00:03:39,243 I caught him in the shower with some bimbo. 59 00:03:39,462 --> 00:03:41,458 Some guys, huh? 60 00:03:41,677 --> 00:03:44,885 Yeah. If I wanted that kind of life, I could have stayed with you. 61 00:03:45,061 --> 00:03:48,602 Good point. So, what are you doing for dinner? 62 00:03:49,740 --> 00:03:51,403 - You're shameless. - Thank you. 63 00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:53,373 - It's not a compliment. - Whatever. 64 00:03:53,542 --> 00:03:55,123 What are you doing for dinner? 65 00:03:55,339 --> 00:03:57,465 Charlie, a lot has changed. 66 00:03:57,679 --> 00:04:01,980 I know. I'm older and wiser, and you're hot and on the rebound. 67 00:04:02,191 --> 00:04:03,652 - Charlie. - Dinner tonight. 68 00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:05,816 I won't take no for an answer. 69 00:04:06,828 --> 00:04:09,502 Hey, lady. Lady, you forgot your baby. 70 00:04:09,670 --> 00:04:11,962 Charlie, it's not her baby. 71 00:04:13,722 --> 00:04:16,432 Shall we say 7? 72 00:04:20,491 --> 00:04:25,327 Just out of curiosity, what the hell happened in your brother's bathroom? 73 00:04:26,549 --> 00:04:28,675 - Nothing. - Dad was wrestling on the floor... 74 00:04:28,847 --> 00:04:30,641 ...with a naked lady. 75 00:04:31,186 --> 00:04:33,812 The quiet ones are always the freaks. 76 00:04:34,947 --> 00:04:37,703 - Jake, I was not wrestling. - But she was naked. 77 00:04:37,913 --> 00:04:40,040 She was taking a shower, and I didn't know. 78 00:04:40,211 --> 00:04:42,504 When I reached to turn it off, she was startled. 79 00:04:42,676 --> 00:04:46,348 It was innocent and there's no reason to tell your mother, understand? 80 00:04:46,562 --> 00:04:50,436 Sure. By the way, you have to sign my math test. 81 00:04:50,656 --> 00:04:55,540 Okay. D minus? Jake, how do you get a D minus? 82 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,964 How do you get wrapped in a shower curtain... 83 00:04:58,135 --> 00:05:00,012 ...with a naked lady? 84 00:05:01,394 --> 00:05:03,224 - Did you show this to your mother? - No. 85 00:05:03,399 --> 00:05:06,856 - Why not? - I didn't catch her doing anything. 86 00:05:10,168 --> 00:05:11,498 Okay, I'll sign this. 87 00:05:12,298 --> 00:05:15,008 But you are gonna go study so this won't happen again. 88 00:05:15,474 --> 00:05:18,230 All right, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. 89 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:22,866 If you want something from Dad, now's a good time. 90 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:28,125 Oh, Alan, I am having the best day. 91 00:05:28,342 --> 00:05:32,561 - Really? Do share it with me. - Remember Lisa? 92 00:05:32,771 --> 00:05:36,906 Oh, is that the girl who bitch-slapped me in your shower this morning? 93 00:05:39,289 --> 00:05:42,330 No, that's Meegan... 94 00:05:42,506 --> 00:05:45,927 ...or Megan or Sue. 95 00:05:48,271 --> 00:05:52,228 Lisa is the woman that I asked to marry, but she married this other guy instead. 96 00:05:52,408 --> 00:05:55,283 They're divorced and we're having dinner. Isn't that great? 97 00:05:55,499 --> 00:05:59,254 I'd applaud, but my hand was bitten earlier. 98 00:05:59,844 --> 00:06:01,258 I'm sensing you're upset? 99 00:06:01,474 --> 00:06:03,886 Oh, no, no, no. Why would I be upset? 100 00:06:04,106 --> 00:06:06,946 I mean, besides the... The bite and the mild concussion... 101 00:06:07,114 --> 00:06:10,536 ...that I got from my head bouncing off your bathroom floor... 102 00:06:10,707 --> 00:06:13,880 ...while your shower buddy was driving her knee into my groin. 103 00:06:15,136 --> 00:06:18,725 She wants to be a talk show host. I don't see it. Not with that voice. 104 00:06:19,147 --> 00:06:22,106 And to top it all off, my son saw me entwined on the floor... 105 00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:26,617 ...with Meegan or Megan or Sue... 106 00:06:26,793 --> 00:06:28,955 ...and is now blackmailing me. 107 00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:31,637 Kid's a genius. 108 00:06:34,146 --> 00:06:36,356 Anyway, here's the wrinkle with Lisa. 109 00:06:36,528 --> 00:06:37,858 She's got a kid now. 110 00:06:38,032 --> 00:06:40,574 I'm not sure where I'm at with having an instant family. 111 00:06:40,789 --> 00:06:43,166 I'm sorry. Are we done with what's bothering me? 112 00:06:45,051 --> 00:06:46,512 I am. 113 00:06:48,644 --> 00:06:50,890 It's like talking to a horny chimp. 114 00:06:52,195 --> 00:06:54,905 Well, that was uncalled for. 115 00:06:57,293 --> 00:06:59,870 - So, what do you think? - About what? 116 00:07:00,259 --> 00:07:01,970 Lisa, me, the kid. 117 00:07:02,306 --> 00:07:04,433 Okay, let's see now. 118 00:07:04,604 --> 00:07:06,814 This is the same woman you've broken up... 119 00:07:06,986 --> 00:07:09,660 ...and gotten back with for years, right? - Right. 120 00:07:09,868 --> 00:07:12,625 And she turned you down in order to marry somebody else? 121 00:07:12,835 --> 00:07:14,914 - Yes. - And then the marriage fell apart... 122 00:07:15,091 --> 00:07:17,503 ...and now she's got his baby? - Yeah. 123 00:07:18,851 --> 00:07:21,643 Sounds perfect. Go for it. 124 00:07:24,157 --> 00:07:27,080 Okay, don't think I don't know what you're doing. 125 00:07:32,388 --> 00:07:34,384 Are you gonna be okay? 126 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,642 Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. 127 00:07:39,198 --> 00:07:42,538 It's just nobody's taken a crap in my car since college. 128 00:07:44,379 --> 00:07:45,840 Don't be such a baby. 129 00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:48,343 Hey, tell her. 130 00:07:48,850 --> 00:07:52,390 I'll change her diaper while your car airs out. Then you can take us home. 131 00:07:52,568 --> 00:07:54,611 But what if it happens again? 132 00:07:54,824 --> 00:07:57,534 Don't worry. I'll hold her out the window till we arrive. 133 00:07:57,749 --> 00:08:00,589 Thank you. Can I make you a nightcap? 134 00:08:00,799 --> 00:08:02,842 Charlie, I'm breastfeeding, remember? 135 00:08:03,055 --> 00:08:04,516 Oh, right, right. 136 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:07,180 And may I say, on behalf of myself, the maître d'... 137 00:08:07,358 --> 00:08:11,113 ...and the entire kitchen staff that found a reason to walk past our table: 138 00:08:11,327 --> 00:08:13,288 You're doing a hell of a job. 139 00:08:17,427 --> 00:08:19,720 Look at what a good poopie you made. 140 00:08:22,399 --> 00:08:25,774 Mommy's gonna get you all cleaned up. 141 00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:32,300 - Would you throw this away? - Sure. 142 00:09:15,251 --> 00:09:17,581 You didn't throw that on the beach, did you? 143 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,468 No, no. I threw it on my neighbor's deck. 144 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,813 Long story. He started it. 145 00:09:26,281 --> 00:09:28,527 - So how we doing? - All done. 146 00:09:28,746 --> 00:09:30,707 Oh, good. 147 00:09:33,217 --> 00:09:36,259 Boy, you hear all these horror stories about screaming babies... 148 00:09:36,434 --> 00:09:38,810 ...but she's not half bad. 149 00:09:38,983 --> 00:09:41,109 She's my little angel. 150 00:09:41,322 --> 00:09:44,911 Kind of weird, huh? You and me and a baby. 151 00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:46,877 Yeah. 152 00:09:47,046 --> 00:09:52,096 Not that the baby's weird. It's just the whole, you know, gestalt. 153 00:09:56,990 --> 00:09:58,736 You are so sweet. 154 00:09:58,954 --> 00:10:00,665 I know. 155 00:10:02,505 --> 00:10:04,335 Wanna go upstairs? 156 00:10:05,054 --> 00:10:08,226 - No, I have to go home. - Why? 157 00:10:08,396 --> 00:10:11,106 What do you mean, why? I have a baby. 158 00:10:11,279 --> 00:10:14,119 Okay, she can stay too. 159 00:10:14,329 --> 00:10:17,501 I can't spend the night. I didn't bring enough diapers... 160 00:10:17,671 --> 00:10:19,751 ...the bassinet. I don't have a breast pump. 161 00:10:19,969 --> 00:10:22,809 So? We'll do it the old-fashioned way. 162 00:10:23,019 --> 00:10:26,109 What are you gonna do, Charlie? Milk me? 163 00:10:27,406 --> 00:10:29,069 What kind of thing is that to say? 164 00:10:29,286 --> 00:10:32,328 What makes you think I'm ready to jump back into bed with you? 165 00:10:33,255 --> 00:10:35,929 I don't know. Because I'm sweet? 166 00:10:36,138 --> 00:10:37,849 You weren't ready when I was single. 167 00:10:38,018 --> 00:10:39,979 How are you gonna handle me and a baby? 168 00:10:40,149 --> 00:10:44,106 Easy. I love babies, babies love me. Look how good I get along with Jake. 169 00:10:44,285 --> 00:10:45,616 Jake's 11. 170 00:10:45,790 --> 00:10:48,831 So? He was 10 when I met him. 171 00:10:49,884 --> 00:10:52,640 Gosh, they grow so quickly, don't they? 172 00:10:53,561 --> 00:10:56,852 - Okay, look. If you're serious... - I am. 173 00:10:57,028 --> 00:11:01,330 - Come over tomorrow night to our place. I'll make dinner, we'll see what happens. 174 00:11:01,499 --> 00:11:03,293 Or we go to your place now... 175 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:06,137 ...having already eaten, and see what happens. 176 00:11:06,304 --> 00:11:08,846 Still incapable of delaying gratification, aren't you? 177 00:11:09,019 --> 00:11:10,896 No, no, no, I've grown. 178 00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:13,277 I learned to put the needs of others before me. 179 00:11:13,448 --> 00:11:15,325 - Really? - Oh, yeah. Absolutely. 180 00:11:15,495 --> 00:11:18,073 The old thoughtless, selfish Charlie is gone... 181 00:11:18,253 --> 00:11:19,916 ...and I say good riddance to him. 182 00:11:20,843 --> 00:11:23,469 Now, come on. I'll take you home. 183 00:11:24,395 --> 00:11:25,975 - Charlie? - Yeah? 184 00:11:26,149 --> 00:11:27,563 The baby. 185 00:11:45,159 --> 00:11:46,490 This makes no sense. 186 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,040 It's math. It makes perfect sense. 187 00:11:49,212 --> 00:11:53,299 Well, then I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. 188 00:11:53,516 --> 00:11:55,428 No, you just have to do the work. 189 00:11:55,855 --> 00:12:00,656 Well, maybe I have a learning disability, or a syndrome of some sort. 190 00:12:00,869 --> 00:12:03,661 You don't have a learning disability. You're just lazy. 191 00:12:04,295 --> 00:12:06,207 Maybe that's the syndrome. 192 00:12:22,302 --> 00:12:25,427 See you later. And by "later," I'm hoping tomorrow. 193 00:12:25,603 --> 00:12:29,108 Is there anything in your shower I need to know about? 194 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,249 Oh, come on. That's the most action you've had in months. 195 00:12:34,878 --> 00:12:37,207 I have a loose tooth. 196 00:12:37,928 --> 00:12:41,517 Can't you just be happy for me? The woman I love is back in my life. 197 00:12:41,688 --> 00:12:46,025 That's great. I'm thrilled. I can't eat apples. 198 00:12:47,203 --> 00:12:49,960 I'll bring you back some applesauce from Lisa's. 199 00:12:51,089 --> 00:12:54,380 Her kid needs to lay off the fiber anyway. 200 00:12:54,557 --> 00:12:56,719 Oh, yeah. How's that working out? 201 00:12:56,896 --> 00:13:00,354 With the kid? She's great. I love kids. 202 00:13:00,531 --> 00:13:04,037 Really? Tell me. How many diapers have you changed so far? 203 00:13:04,208 --> 00:13:08,082 Well, none, actually. But I am credited with an assist. 204 00:13:09,013 --> 00:13:11,009 - Have you fed the baby? - No. 205 00:13:11,227 --> 00:13:14,352 - Dressed the baby? Bathed the baby? - No. What's your point, Alan? 206 00:13:14,570 --> 00:13:17,944 - Nothing. Have fun. - Thanks. 207 00:13:18,163 --> 00:13:20,159 I intend to. 208 00:13:23,134 --> 00:13:25,677 Don't think I don't know what you're doing. 209 00:13:32,284 --> 00:13:35,410 - What was that? - Coyotes, Charlie. 210 00:13:37,382 --> 00:13:39,793 Probably dropped her pacifier. I'll be right back. 211 00:13:39,972 --> 00:13:43,014 - No, no, no. You stay. I'll take care of it. - Really? 212 00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:47,443 Oh, yeah. No problem. I'm great with babies. 213 00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,282 Pacifier is the little nipple thing, right? 214 00:13:52,130 --> 00:13:53,295 Be right back. 215 00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:59,981 Hey, little baby, you decent? 216 00:14:00,779 --> 00:14:03,238 Okay, here's your pacifier, sweetie. 217 00:14:03,411 --> 00:14:06,500 Not as good as the real thing, am I right? 218 00:14:08,926 --> 00:14:12,265 Smells like one of us just crapped our pants. 219 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,646 I sure hope it's you. 220 00:14:15,151 --> 00:14:17,397 Let's take a look. 221 00:14:19,830 --> 00:14:21,625 Charlie? You okay? 222 00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:26,258 - What? - Is everything okay? 223 00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:29,771 Oh, yeah. Just a little diaper issue. I can take care of it. 224 00:14:30,944 --> 00:14:33,784 And then I'll be back to take care of you. 225 00:14:38,089 --> 00:14:40,666 Okay. Let's just take this thing off. 226 00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:43,473 Oh, sweet Lord. 227 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,656 Did you have Thai food for dinner, or what? 228 00:14:49,286 --> 00:14:52,707 Man, Babe Ruth took smaller dumps. 229 00:14:54,926 --> 00:14:56,672 Do you need any help? 230 00:14:59,104 --> 00:15:00,731 What? 231 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,528 Do you need any help? 232 00:15:02,697 --> 00:15:04,527 No, we're good. 233 00:15:09,716 --> 00:15:13,388 Okay. Now we wipe the tushy. 234 00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:17,023 Sorry. It's not you. It's me. 235 00:15:17,195 --> 00:15:21,663 Wipe it again. Third time's the charm. 236 00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:25,124 Little powder. Oh, that smells nice. 237 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:30,470 Maybe a little powder for my tushy. Don 't tell your mommy. 238 00:15:32,027 --> 00:15:35,152 Charlie, I can hear you on the monitor. 239 00:15:35,996 --> 00:15:37,327 Oh, right. 240 00:15:37,709 --> 00:15:40,335 People of Earth... 241 00:15:40,508 --> 00:15:42,885 ... we mean you no harm. 242 00:15:46,065 --> 00:15:49,904 See? This one is wrong, this is wrong. Jake, you have to check your work. 243 00:15:50,076 --> 00:15:51,657 These are careless mistakes. 244 00:15:51,873 --> 00:15:56,341 Maybe I'm not careless. Maybe I ate lead paint as a child. 245 00:15:57,095 --> 00:16:00,601 - Here. Do it again. - Fine. 246 00:16:04,198 --> 00:16:06,954 Dad, are you and Mom related? 247 00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,433 I'm sorry. What? 248 00:16:14,810 --> 00:16:18,435 Well, if you marry your cousin, your kids will be stupid, right? 249 00:16:20,827 --> 00:16:23,452 Jake, you're not stupid, your mother's not my cousin... 250 00:16:23,626 --> 00:16:27,250 ...and you're not going anywhere until you do your homework. 251 00:16:29,433 --> 00:16:31,763 Like I have somewhere to go. 252 00:16:33,277 --> 00:16:38,327 There we go. You were a hungry little girl. 253 00:16:38,959 --> 00:16:40,622 Of course she was hungry. 254 00:16:40,798 --> 00:16:44,255 She must of dropped half her body weight in that last diaper. 255 00:16:47,482 --> 00:16:50,655 What a good burp. Wasn't that a good burp, Charlie? 256 00:16:50,867 --> 00:16:54,574 Oh, yeah. Wait till you meet my nephew. 257 00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:57,842 He can belch the theme from Shaft. 258 00:16:58,763 --> 00:17:00,973 All right. Good night, sweetheart. 259 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,858 Oh, there we go. 260 00:17:07,077 --> 00:17:09,038 Now, where were we? 261 00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:10,706 Oh, yeah. 262 00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:13,923 You know, I'm a little tired. Aren't you tired? 263 00:17:14,138 --> 00:17:16,550 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 264 00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:20,192 Was it the breastfeeding? Because in the restaurant, it turned you on. 265 00:17:20,949 --> 00:17:23,908 I know, but there I wasn't on deck. 266 00:17:24,583 --> 00:17:26,294 So you don't wanna fool around? 267 00:17:26,923 --> 00:17:30,345 It's not that. I'm looking at the sexiest woman in the world... 268 00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:33,392 ...and all I can see is a Thermos. 269 00:17:33,984 --> 00:17:38,119 Charlie, there are things you do with your penis that aren't exactly a turn-on. 270 00:17:38,329 --> 00:17:40,789 You mean the puppet show? 271 00:17:41,839 --> 00:17:45,760 I thought you loved The Amazing Adventures of Stretch Armstrong. 272 00:17:46,142 --> 00:17:50,479 That's not what I meant. Now, come on. Come to mama. 273 00:17:51,239 --> 00:17:55,660 Okay, time. "Come to mama" bums me a little. 274 00:17:56,044 --> 00:17:59,751 Can we make it "Come to Catholic schoolgirl"? 275 00:18:00,139 --> 00:18:03,061 Yes, Monsignor. 276 00:18:03,439 --> 00:18:05,482 Hallelujah. 277 00:18:11,001 --> 00:18:13,711 Here you go. Two sugars, no cream. 278 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:19,648 Oh, perfect. And I don't mind saying, last night was none too shabby either. 279 00:18:20,193 --> 00:18:25,362 "Dear diary: Coffee perfect, sex none too shabby." 280 00:18:26,126 --> 00:18:28,206 You know what I mean. 281 00:18:28,424 --> 00:18:31,002 I can't remember why we kept breaking up. 282 00:18:31,390 --> 00:18:35,977 - You can't? - Well, I can. I was just being romantic. 283 00:18:36,195 --> 00:18:39,154 - What are you doing? - Putting on my pants. 284 00:18:39,370 --> 00:18:41,782 You're leaving already? 285 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:44,754 No. 286 00:18:44,969 --> 00:18:47,928 So why are you putting on your pants, then? 287 00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:51,772 I don't know. Did you wanna wear them? 288 00:18:54,035 --> 00:18:55,865 Forget it. 289 00:18:57,378 --> 00:18:59,338 Hey, I've gotta go home sooner or later. 290 00:18:59,550 --> 00:19:01,962 - Go home whenever you want. - I can't leave... 291 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,053 ...when you're in this mood. - What mood? 292 00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,560 This mood. 293 00:19:05,734 --> 00:19:08,443 Oh, just leave, Charlie. It's what you do best. 294 00:19:09,536 --> 00:19:13,374 No, it's what I do after I do what I do best. 295 00:19:16,054 --> 00:19:19,143 Oh, come on. I was just putting on my pants. 296 00:19:19,312 --> 00:19:23,269 - You wanna spend the day with us? - The whole day? 297 00:19:25,872 --> 00:19:29,329 - Here are your shoes. - Hang on a second. 298 00:19:29,507 --> 00:19:31,800 Is this some hormonal thing because of the baby? 299 00:19:31,972 --> 00:19:35,762 No, it's some kind of stupid thing because you're stupid. 300 00:19:37,194 --> 00:19:40,070 Any time I don't behave the way you want, it's hormonal. 301 00:19:40,537 --> 00:19:43,496 Not every time, but you gotta admit there is a pattern. 302 00:19:43,712 --> 00:19:45,423 You know the pattern I see? 303 00:19:45,592 --> 00:19:49,181 Every time things start going well for us, you find an excuse to run. 304 00:19:49,394 --> 00:19:51,057 No, no, no. You push me away. 305 00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:53,235 How? How do I push you away? 306 00:19:53,447 --> 00:19:56,489 Like this. You pick a fight over nothing and say I can't commit. 307 00:19:56,664 --> 00:19:59,040 - You can't commit. - Hey, I can commit. 308 00:19:59,213 --> 00:20:01,173 Oh, yeah? Prove it. 309 00:20:01,385 --> 00:20:04,142 Fine. I'll start right now. 310 00:20:08,780 --> 00:20:11,358 I'm gonna stay here all day. 311 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,637 - Really? - Really. 312 00:20:19,393 --> 00:20:22,067 We're talking a business day, right? 313 00:20:26,412 --> 00:20:31,046 - Hey. How did it go with Lisa? - I don't think it's gonna work out. 314 00:20:31,425 --> 00:20:35,299 Really? Even with the little baby there to help smooth things along? 315 00:20:36,481 --> 00:20:37,812 It wasn't the baby. 316 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:41,781 She has commitment issues. 317 00:20:42,414 --> 00:20:45,705 Oh, that's too bad. Hey, what's that splattered all over your shirt? 318 00:20:46,090 --> 00:20:48,586 Coffee and breast milk. 319 00:20:50,018 --> 00:20:53,357 What happened? Did Starbucks merge with Hooters? 320 00:20:54,655 --> 00:20:56,817 Hooterbucks. 321 00:20:57,747 --> 00:21:01,122 I'd like a double-D cup latte, please. 322 00:21:12,704 --> 00:21:15,164 Dad, you gotta sign this. 323 00:21:16,966 --> 00:21:20,341 Another D? Jake, what is wrong with you? 324 00:21:20,517 --> 00:21:22,560 Well, I have a theory. 325 00:21:22,732 --> 00:21:24,443 Oh, really? Another one. Do tell. 326 00:21:24,654 --> 00:21:26,531 I'm a crack baby. 327 00:21:31,046 --> 00:21:33,089 Kid's a genius. 25849

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