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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
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- Hey, look who's here.
- Hey, Dad.
2
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,353
Aren't you gonna kiss me goodbye?
3
00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:09,476
Apparently not.
4
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:13,512
Do you see how rude he is to me?
5
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,312
It's terrible. I'll talk to him.
6
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- I wish you would because... Wait, Alan!
- Oh, oh, sorry.
7
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:21,908
Alan, have you been badmouthing me?
8
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:26,109
- Badmouthing you? To whom?
- To Jake.
9
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:27,912
Oh, to Jake. No.
10
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,632
- Why?
- His attitude towards me is disrespectful.
11
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,950
I have to wonder
where he's getting it from.
12
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,715
I assure you, I make it a point
to speak well of you in front of our son.
13
00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:41,433
What about your brother?
14
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,756
Oh, with Charlie,
I'm completely honest.
15
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:45,999
That is not what I meant.
16
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,237
I know.
17
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,399
Hey, Judith.
18
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:53,028
Have you said derogatory things
about me to Jake?
19
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,708
No, why? Did you want me to?
20
00:00:58,320 --> 00:00:59,833
I don't understand his behavior.
21
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,037
Ignoring me, avoiding me,
acting like I'm the enemy.
22
00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,629
But you get why I'm doing it, right?
23
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:09,114
I got it!
24
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,840
I don't know what to say.
He's not getting it from us.
25
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,230
- Absolutely not.
- It's your mother!
26
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,436
- You talk to her.
- No, I talked last time.
27
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,039
- Choose you for it.
- Odds.
28
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:19,275
One, two, three, shoot.
29
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:20,873
- Odds. You talk to her.
- No.
30
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,116
- Hey, but you said you were gonna...
- I lied.
31
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,237
Leave a message at the beep. Beep!
32
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,835
I wish there were a better way
to deal with Mom.
33
00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:40,077
There is, but we're both
too pretty for jail.
34
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,318
- What?
- What?
35
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,238
Mom's here.
36
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:18,753
Charlie, did you hear me?
37
00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:22,071
Yeah, I just prefer to live in denial.
38
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,039
Come on.
39
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,555
We talked about this.
We need to set an example.
40
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:31,238
Fine, tell Mom I love her and...
I don't wanna give her my cold.
41
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,079
That is not going to help.
42
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,635
Well, you gotta say it in front of Jake.
43
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,357
No. Here is the plan.
44
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,829
We'll stop acting
like we hate being with her...
45
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,913
...stop taking shots at her, and start
acting like we love and respect her.
46
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,478
- All at once?
- Come on.
47
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,116
Your Uncle Charlie thinks
I don't see him...
48
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,678
...but Grandmommy sees everything.
49
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,871
Mom, we didn't expect
to see you today.
50
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,594
I have to come unannounced
because when I call first...
51
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,354
...there's no one home
when I get here.
52
00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:07,279
I imagine that's only because
my cowardly sons are trying to avoid me.
53
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,550
She's ruining the plan.
54
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:13,156
Well, the important thing is we're
all here, and we're happy to see you.
55
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,949
- Right, Charlie?
- Oh, happy isn't the word.
56
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:20,396
- So, what's new, Mom?
- Well, if you really care...
57
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,438
- We do, we do.
- We do.
58
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,837
Next Sunday,
I am receiving my gold blazer...
59
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,031
...from the
Westside Realtor's Association.
60
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,037
- I am so proud of you.
- That's great.
61
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,918
Me too, Mom.
62
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,873
It's the highest honor
the real-estate community can bestow.
63
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,432
- I am so proud of you.
- That's great.
64
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,272
Me too, Mom.
65
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,671
So I wanted to talk to you
about the presentation ceremony.
66
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,757
We'll be there.
Tell us where and when.
67
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,236
Well, next Sunday, 5:00.
And I was hoping we could have it here.
68
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:52,394
- Here?
- Why here?
69
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,836
- I mean, we love and respect you...
- But why here?
70
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,076
This isn't really
a good house for parties.
71
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,073
- Yeah, it's so big and close to the ocean.
- Yeah.
72
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,788
Come on. I can't very well
throw a party for myself.
73
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:10,475
This way everyone will get to see
how much my sons love and respect me.
74
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,517
Anyway, here is the guest list,
and also a suggested menu.
75
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,473
Nothing fancy. Cocktails, buffet.
76
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,358
Any questions?
77
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,197
- No.
- Good.
78
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,231
Okay.
79
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,518
Big kiss. Love you all.
80
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,715
- Love you too, Mom.
- Bye, Grandma.
81
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,394
Relatives, huh?
82
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,791
Can't live with them,
can't turn them in for the reward.
83
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,595
Excuse me, Berta, but we happen
to love our mother very much.
84
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,512
- Right, Charlie?
- Right.
85
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,591
Jake, look.
There's a pelican on the deck.
86
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:48,915
Oh, cool.
87
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,918
Are you happy?
88
00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,233
Now we have to throw a party
for your crazy-ass mother.
89
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,271
- She's your mother too.
- How do you know?
90
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,032
- I could've been adopted.
- You wish.
91
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:08,074
I do. Now, what about
this stupid party?
92
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,510
Here. Maybe this'll help.
93
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,075
"Daisy's Fishing Tackle and Live Bait"?
94
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,591
Turn it over.
95
00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:21,069
"Daisy's Classy Catering."
96
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:25,270
She's my sister. Her husband left.
I'm trying to get her back on her feet.
97
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,074
She runs a catering business
and a bait shop?
98
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,032
Not at the same time.
99
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,314
There's no pelican.
100
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,314
Hey, you Charlie?
101
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,118
Maybe.
102
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,270
- Who's asking?
- I'm Daisy, the caterer.
103
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,159
Your Berta's sister?
104
00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,476
Same mom. Dad's a little iffy.
105
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,111
Berta said if I wanted a shot
of your bourbon, I had to ask you.
106
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,918
- Yeah, sure. Knock yourself out.
- Thanks.
107
00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:14,599
I don't usually drink before noon,
but I'm going through a rough patch.
108
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,917
Well, that's why they make bourbon.
109
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,998
My husband left me for another woman.
You know how I found out?
110
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,272
- To tell you the truth...
- Relax. It's rhetorical.
111
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,637
They waved to me as they drove
my house out of the trailer park.
112
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,478
- That's sad.
- Yeah.
113
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,438
I had that doublewide 11 years.
114
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:36,879
Larry was with me for four.
115
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,555
Six months of those were house arrest,
so you can't give him credit for that.
116
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:45,077
You know,
I haven't gotten up to pee yet.
117
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,316
Let me tell you something.
118
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,073
Larry was nothing when I met him.
119
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,678
He was working at some kosher
slaughterhouse out in Fontana...
120
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:59,515
...before they fired him
for being mean to the cattle.
121
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,793
What?
122
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:05,517
The Jewish laws dictate that
the animals have to be treated kindly...
123
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,033
...before they get whacked.
124
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,679
Larry would taunt them.
125
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,798
"Hey, hamburger,
guess what's gonna happen to you."
126
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,719
Anyway, I picked him up off his sorry,
unemployed ass.
127
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,633
I gave him hair plugs,
contact lenses, teeth.
128
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,032
The bastard dumped me for this tiny,
little Korean manicurist...
129
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,078
...who huffs nail-polish remover
between appointments.
130
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,873
Well, you give a guy hair and teeth,
he's bound to hook up with trash.
131
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:38,317
No, she was pretty hot.
132
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,472
She had a spray-on tan,
Botox up the yin-yang.
133
00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:43,790
Couldn't tell if she was 20 or 60.
134
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:48,514
- Daisy!
- In here!
135
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,398
What the hell are you doing?
136
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,319
Relax. It's not what you think.
We're just having a drink.
137
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,198
Good idea.
138
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,954
You listen to me.
Just because I got us this job...
139
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:03,997
...doesn't mean
I'm cooking by myself.
140
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:05,434
I'm coming down there.
141
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,875
And don't act like you're doing me
some big favor.
142
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:11,271
Oh, excuse me for trying to help
my broke, homeless, baby sister.
143
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:15,069
I'm not homeless. I have a home.
I just don't know where it's parked.
144
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,357
I wouldn't be broke if you'd have
paid me my share of Mama's estate.
145
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,676
What estate? It was a shoebox...
146
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:23,638
...full of corn pads,
used lottery tickets and insulin.
147
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,354
It's the first I'm hearing
about the insulin.
148
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,116
Excuse me, but shouldn't we be,
you know...
149
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,191
...cooking something
for my mother's party?
150
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,114
Hang on, Charlie.
151
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:37,398
You know, I am sick of you insinuating
that I stole all that crap Mama left me.
152
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:41,752
She didn't leave it to you. You were just
the first one back after she flatlined.
153
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,434
Oh, and where were you?
At some ashram in Oregon?
154
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:48,479
I was learning from my guru
how to channel my spirit guide.
155
00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:52,070
Oh, please. You were humping
a defrocked priest in the woods.
156
00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:59,189
How about stuffed mushrooms?
Everybody loves those.
157
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,595
You know, that's your problem
your whole life.
158
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,553
You chase after losers,
take care of them, fix them up...
159
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,439
...and then they hop on
the first manicurist out of town.
160
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,909
You're jealous because
I've had love in my life.
161
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:13,038
Yeah? You know what you got
in your life now? Squat.
162
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,715
No husband, no one to do your nails,
and blocks where your house used to be.
163
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:20,111
I swear to God. One more word and
I'm gonna knock you on your keister!
164
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,430
- Okay, okay, there's no reason...
- Squat!
165
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,352
- That's it!
- Whoa, whoa, no!
166
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:28,195
No, whoa! Stop! Berta!
167
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,592
Berta!
168
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,474
Give me the rolling pin.
169
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,880
Is there a special place
you'd like me to put it?
170
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,079
I don't know what else
you want from me. I took you in.
171
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,635
Gunther's in the garage,
so you can have the couch.
172
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,958
You spoil that dog.
Anyway, I'm staying at a motel tonight.
173
00:09:56,360 --> 00:10:00,239
Good idea. Maybe you'll meet
your next husband on the walk there.
174
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:01,953
- Can I have one of these?
- No.
175
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,714
I am just trying to be a good sister.
176
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,075
No, you're trying
to make me feel like crap.
177
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,753
It's what you always do.
178
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:10,918
- So I can eat this?
- No.
179
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,511
- Let him have one.
- You don't know this kid.
180
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:17,070
He never stops at one.
He eats like a refugee.
181
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,031
- Eat it.
- Drop it.
182
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,630
Hey, how's it going?
183
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,312
Not good.
184
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:38,798
Nice move, Tinkerbell.
185
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,798
- Shut your hole and help me pick this up.
- You pick it up.
186
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,592
I'm going outside to meditate.
187
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,638
- What's going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.
188
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,916
You wanted that clown
to be nice to his mother.
189
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:52,072
But did you think to say to him,
"Clown, be nice to your mother"?
190
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,470
No, we had to throw a big party
for our mother...
191
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,518
...catered by
the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
192
00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,949
That's it. I can't work like this.
193
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,479
Well, you have to, Berta.
194
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,835
We've got 50 people coming
in a couple of hours.
195
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,873
- Don't tell me. Tell her.
- Fine.
196
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,029
Watch this.
197
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,953
Hey! I'm meditating here!
198
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,518
Jake, let's go pick up Grandma.
199
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:21,148
- Charlie, you're in charge.
- The hell I am.
200
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,271
- Why pick her up?
- Grandma likes to drink.
201
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:27,228
- When grownups drink, they don't drive.
- Good thing Uncle Charlie lives here.
202
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,669
So, good luck. I'll see you tomorrow.
203
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:34,189
No, wait. Berta, you can't leave.
204
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,876
Don't worry. Your deposit's fully
refundable in fishing tackle or live bait.
205
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,354
I don't want a refund.
206
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,112
I want you to make up with Daisy...
207
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,989
...so when my mother gets here, she'll
have something to eat besides my soul.
208
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:49,550
Make up with her?
For what? Trying to help her?
209
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,518
Trying to keep her from making
the same stupid mistake again?
210
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,915
Yeah, sure, fine, whatever. Just do it!
211
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,472
No, I'm done with her. I quit.
212
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,633
Berta... Berta, you can't quit being
related to somebody.
213
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:01,949
Believe me, I've tried.
214
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,512
She is a spoiled, little princess...
215
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,989
...who doesn't know
when somebody's trying to help.
216
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,071
- And you know what else?
- Hold on, hold on.
217
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,676
I'm still trying to wrap
my brain around "little princess."
218
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,158
Ever since Mom spit her out,
she got everything she wanted.
219
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,670
"We don't need to fix Berta's teeth,
Daisy needs singing lessons."
220
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,876
"Why spend money
on a prom dress for Berta...
221
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,429
...when Daisy needs tap shoes?"
- That's rough, but...
222
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,875
"Who cares if Berta needs
her spine straightened?"
223
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,473
"Daisy wants a nose job!"
224
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,593
What if you went ahead and made
a couple dozen of those little egg rolls?
225
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,189
"So what if Berta's got
an extra big toe?"
226
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,994
- Mom?
- Oh, hello, boys.
227
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,069
Why aren't you dressed?
We came to pick you up.
228
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:51,998
So you can drink.
229
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:56,309
Oh, yes, well,
I've decided to pass on the party.
230
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,794
What? You can't pass.
231
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,599
We've got people coming,
decorations, caterers.
232
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,394
And that's how you're dressed?
233
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,552
Beats the hell out of a bathrobe.
234
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,955
- Why don't you wanna go to your party?
- Please, it isn't a party.
235
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:14,317
It's a sham.
None of those people are my friends.
236
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,030
Why would you think that?
237
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,790
Believe it or not, Alan, your mother is
a very sensitive woman...
238
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,873
...and I can feel when people around me
know that I hate them.
239
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,315
Why did you want us
to throw the party?
240
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,192
Oh, why does anyone want a party?
241
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,316
To feel superior
while feigning humility.
242
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,351
Don't touch that, Jake.
243
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:38,873
Let me tell you something.
244
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:42,430
The way you treat people
is the way they treat you back.
245
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,629
Miserable bastards.
246
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,793
But putting that aside,
you're getting a gold jacket today...
247
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,956
...and we wanted
to share that with you.
248
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:59,035
Is that what it takes? I have to win an
award for my sons to notice I'm alive?
249
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:04,193
Okay, you know what?
Go, don't go. I don't care.
250
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:08,154
If you wanna sit here
and stew in the venom and bile...
251
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:11,710
...that is the soup of your being,
then fine. I hope you drown in it.
252
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,673
Don't you ever talk
to your mother this way.
253
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,953
Forget the party.
I'll go back and tell those people...
254
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:21,669
...that the guest of honor could not
be bothered to show up.
255
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,474
- Come on, Jake.
- Oh, dear Lord.
256
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,074
Alan, wait.
257
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:32,640
If this silly, little party
means that much to you, I'll go.
258
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,597
Just let me get dressed.
259
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,678
Oh, gee. Thanks, Mom.
260
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:44,118
God, I hate being guilted
into doing things.
261
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,836
And after all that, the loans,
the bail, the kidney I gave her...
262
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,629
...which even though it wasn't mine,
was still money out of pocket...
263
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,751
...did she appreciate my sacrifices?
264
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:56,793
I'm guessing no.
265
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,276
She threw them away on chasing
after men with drinking problems...
266
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,512
...men with gambling problems,
men with wooden legs and glass eyes.
267
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:04,874
You wanna know why?
268
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,791
Spare parts?
269
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,479
Low self-esteem.
270
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,992
I remember
when we were little girls...
271
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,310
...she had this crush
on our cousin Jimmy...
272
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,268
- He wasn't really our cousin. He was...
- Stop, please! Enough.
273
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,555
If you won't talk to her, I will.
274
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,758
Finally. I was running out of stories.
275
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:30,953
Daisy?
276
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,713
Can I talk to you for a minute?
277
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,077
Daisy is no longer inhabiting
this earthly vessel.
278
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,034
Excuse me?
279
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:49,149
I am Oxyquatzal,
warrior priestess of the Aztec people.
280
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,034
Okay.
281
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,878
Let me ask you something.
282
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:58,476
Do you know how to make
those little hot dogs wrapped in pastry?
283
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,668
Listen carefully.
I have a message for Daisy.
284
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,400
- Really?
- She's wandered off the path of destiny.
285
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:05,993
She must return.
286
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,398
Alrighty, is there a number
where she can reach you?
287
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,512
Tell her to follow her bliss...
288
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,148
...to stop squandering
the gifts of the Great Spirit.
289
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,792
- Got it.
- Do you need to write that down?
290
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,793
No, I got it. Path, bliss, spirit.
291
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,390
- Great Spirit.
- Sorry. "Great Spirit."
292
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,677
- Anything else?
- No, that's it.
293
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,515
- What do you want?
- You're screwing with me, right?
294
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:42,599
Get out of here.
I'm trying to channel my spirit guide.
295
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,199
OxyContin?
296
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,638
Oxyquatzal. How do
you know about her?
297
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,228
Oh, boy.
298
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,158
Berta!
299
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,233
Was Oxyquatzal here?
What did she say?
300
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,635
She said that the guests
are gonna be here soon...
301
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,349
...so you should make up
with your sister and finish cooking.
302
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,118
No, she didn't.
303
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:06,992
How do you know?
304
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:11,159
Oxyquatzal is a 500-year-old
Aztec warrior.
305
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,232
Do you think she really cares
about your dumb-ass party?
306
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,789
Everybody likes a party.
307
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,958
What did she really say, Chachi?
308
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:24,751
She said that you have strayed from
your path and to follow your bliss...
309
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,559
...which is catering, right?
- No, I never liked catering.
310
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,156
I only got into it because the bait
business was so damn competitive.
311
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:32,989
What else?
312
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:38,355
Something about squandering
the gifts of the Great Spirit.
313
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,711
Oh, man, that is heavy.
314
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:45,395
For an ancient chick,
she is so spot on.
315
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,873
Well, no sense crying over
squandered gifts.
316
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,678
What do you say
we go to the kitchen?
317
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:55,277
What's the point?
My life is hopeless. My dreams are dead.
318
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,510
Yeah, but what if they weren't?
319
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,111
- What do you mean?
- Oh, I don't know.
320
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,748
What if there was some way
I could help you?
321
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,312
You think you could whip up
some rumaki then?
322
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,836
You don't even know
what my dreams are.
323
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,191
Oh, come on. Work with me, baby.
I don't even know what rumaki is!
324
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,912
Oh, gosh, Alan,
I don't know about this.
325
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,759
- Is my hair all right?
- Mom, your hair looks perfect.
326
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,514
You're impeccably dressed,
you're fashionably late...
327
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,432
...and everybody is waiting for you.
328
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,990
So, now, come on, let's walk in there
and rub their noses in your success.
329
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:31,952
Well, all right.
330
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:33,834
- Alan.
- What?
331
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,077
You're blocking me.
332
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,837
Rumaki?
333
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:14,193
I will never, ever forgive you for this.
334
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,919
One thing. One lousy thing I ask
from my sons, and this is what I get.
335
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:27,912
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
336
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,995
Not only was I roundly ignored
at my own party...
337
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,549
...but I listened
to a disturbed caterer belt out...
338
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,756
...the entire score
of La Cage aux Folles.
339
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,428
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
340
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,232
You should be sorry.
341
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:42,914
We are.
342
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,439
Then say it.
343
00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,076
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
344
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,395
Hello?
345
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,797
Jake, honey, ready to go home?
346
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:55,193
Mom, you're here. I love you.
347
00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:00,476
Wonderful. Teach him sarcasm.
Thank you very much.
348
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,878
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
349
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,511
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
350
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,671
[ENGLISH]
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