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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
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- Hey, look who's here.
- Hey, Dad.
2
00:00:07,197 --> 00:00:08,779
Aren't you gonna kiss me goodbye?
3
00:00:08,953 --> 00:00:10,999
Apparently not.
4
00:00:13,554 --> 00:00:15,219
Do you see how rude he is to me?
5
00:00:15,436 --> 00:00:17,101
It's terrible. I'll talk to him.
6
00:00:17,276 --> 00:00:21,202
- I wish you would because... Wait, Alan!
- Oh, oh, sorry.
7
00:00:21,417 --> 00:00:23,998
Alan, have you been badmouthing me?
8
00:00:24,679 --> 00:00:28,390
- Badmouthing you? To whom?
- To Jake.
9
00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:30,276
Oh, to Jake. No.
10
00:00:33,128 --> 00:00:36,257
- Why?
- His attitude towards me is disrespectful.
11
00:00:36,432 --> 00:00:38,680
I have to wonder
where he's getting it from.
12
00:00:38,858 --> 00:00:42,617
I assure you, I make it a point
to speak well of you in front of our son.
13
00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,414
What about your brother?
14
00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:46,842
Oh, with Charlie,
I'm completely honest.
15
00:00:47,809 --> 00:00:49,188
That is not what I meant.
16
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:51,528
I know.
17
00:00:52,242 --> 00:00:53,789
Hey, Judith.
18
00:00:53,957 --> 00:00:56,538
Have you said derogatory things
about me to Jake?
19
00:00:56,759 --> 00:00:59,340
No, why? Did you want me to?
20
00:01:02,071 --> 00:01:03,653
I don't understand his behavior.
21
00:01:03,828 --> 00:01:07,003
Ignoring me, avoiding me,
acting like I'm the enemy.
22
00:01:07,215 --> 00:01:09,713
But you get why I'm doing it, right?
23
00:01:12,025 --> 00:01:13,357
I got it!
24
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:16,208
I don't know what to say.
He's not getting it from us.
25
00:01:16,375 --> 00:01:18,707
- Absolutely not.
- It's your mother!
26
00:01:18,885 --> 00:01:21,013
- You talk to her.
- No, I talked last time.
27
00:01:21,227 --> 00:01:22,690
- Choose you for it.
- Odds.
28
00:01:22,900 --> 00:01:23,982
One, two, three, shoot.
29
00:01:24,155 --> 00:01:25,653
- Odds. You talk to her.
- No.
30
00:01:25,869 --> 00:01:27,998
- Hey, but you said you were gonna...
- I lied.
31
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:33,353
Leave a message at the beep. Beep!
32
00:01:40,048 --> 00:01:42,343
I wish there were a better way
to deal with Mom.
33
00:01:42,557 --> 00:01:45,733
There is, but we're both
too pretty for jail.
34
00:01:52,554 --> 00:01:54,350
- What?
- What?
35
00:02:22,793 --> 00:02:24,589
Mom's here.
36
00:02:24,759 --> 00:02:26,174
Charlie, did you hear me?
37
00:02:26,348 --> 00:02:29,643
Yeah, I just prefer to live in denial.
38
00:02:30,238 --> 00:02:31,701
Come on.
39
00:02:31,869 --> 00:02:34,331
We talked about this.
We need to set an example.
40
00:02:34,839 --> 00:02:39,228
Fine, tell Mom I love her and...
I don't wanna give her my cold.
41
00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:41,153
That is not going to help.
42
00:02:41,363 --> 00:02:43,826
Well, you gotta say it in front of Jake.
43
00:02:44,709 --> 00:02:46,672
No. Here is the plan.
44
00:02:46,842 --> 00:02:49,257
We'll stop acting
like we hate being with her...
45
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:53,527
...stop taking shots at her, and start
acting like we love and respect her.
46
00:02:54,245 --> 00:02:57,255
- All at once?
- Come on.
47
00:02:57,884 --> 00:03:00,013
Your Uncle Charlie thinks
I don't see him...
48
00:03:00,728 --> 00:03:03,738
...but Grandmommy sees everything.
49
00:03:03,949 --> 00:03:06,031
Mom, we didn't expect
to see you today.
50
00:03:06,249 --> 00:03:08,878
I have to come unannounced
because when I call first...
51
00:03:09,051 --> 00:03:11,764
...there's no one home
when I get here.
52
00:03:12,774 --> 00:03:16,913
I imagine that's only because
my cowardly sons are trying to avoid me.
53
00:03:17,124 --> 00:03:19,288
She's ruining the plan.
54
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:23,059
Well, the important thing is we're
all here, and we're happy to see you.
55
00:03:23,230 --> 00:03:27,025
- Right, Charlie?
- Oh, happy isn't the word.
56
00:03:27,203 --> 00:03:30,629
- So, what's new, Mom?
- Well, if you really care...
57
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,810
- We do, we do.
- We do.
58
00:03:34,021 --> 00:03:37,364
Next Sunday,
I am receiving my gold blazer...
59
00:03:37,576 --> 00:03:39,658
...from the
Westside Realtor's Association.
60
00:03:39,876 --> 00:03:41,755
- I am so proud of you.
- That's great.
61
00:03:41,926 --> 00:03:43,722
Me too, Mom.
62
00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:46,812
It's the highest honor
the real-estate community can bestow.
63
00:03:47,656 --> 00:03:49,488
- I am so proud of you.
- That's great.
64
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,412
Me too, Mom.
65
00:03:52,717 --> 00:03:56,011
So I wanted to talk to you
about the presentation ceremony.
66
00:03:56,230 --> 00:03:58,193
We'll be there.
Tell us where and when.
67
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,830
Well, next Sunday, 5:00.
And I was hoping we could have it here.
68
00:04:02,755 --> 00:04:04,087
- Here?
- Why here?
69
00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:07,686
- I mean, we love and respect you...
- But why here?
70
00:04:09,907 --> 00:04:12,119
This isn't really
a good house for parties.
71
00:04:12,291 --> 00:04:15,253
- Yeah, it's so big and close to the ocean.
- Yeah.
72
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:19,137
Come on. I can't very well
throw a party for myself.
73
00:04:19,317 --> 00:04:22,993
This way everyone will get to see
how much my sons love and respect me.
74
00:04:24,922 --> 00:04:28,265
Anyway, here is the guest list,
and also a suggested menu.
75
00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:31,356
Nothing fancy. Cocktails, buffet.
76
00:04:31,530 --> 00:04:33,327
Any questions?
77
00:04:36,424 --> 00:04:38,386
- No.
- Good.
78
00:04:39,477 --> 00:04:41,559
Okay.
79
00:04:41,986 --> 00:04:44,996
Big kiss. Love you all.
80
00:04:46,043 --> 00:04:48,339
- Love you too, Mom.
- Bye, Grandma.
81
00:04:48,762 --> 00:04:50,094
Relatives, huh?
82
00:04:50,268 --> 00:04:53,646
Can't live with them,
can't turn them in for the reward.
83
00:04:53,865 --> 00:04:57,624
Excuse me, Berta, but we happen
to love our mother very much.
84
00:04:57,796 --> 00:04:59,628
- Right, Charlie?
- Right.
85
00:04:59,804 --> 00:05:01,802
Jake, look.
There's a pelican on the deck.
86
00:05:02,021 --> 00:05:03,186
Oh, cool.
87
00:05:08,629 --> 00:05:11,555
Are you happy?
88
00:05:12,142 --> 00:05:15,021
Now we have to throw a party
for your crazy-ass mother.
89
00:05:15,237 --> 00:05:17,152
- She's your mother too.
- How do you know?
90
00:05:17,328 --> 00:05:18,993
- I could've been adopted.
- You wish.
91
00:05:19,211 --> 00:05:23,219
I do. Now, what about
this stupid party?
92
00:05:23,435 --> 00:05:25,767
Here. Maybe this'll help.
93
00:05:29,207 --> 00:05:31,586
"Daisy's Fishing Tackle and Live Bait"?
94
00:05:32,218 --> 00:05:34,216
Turn it over.
95
00:05:34,393 --> 00:05:36,807
"Daisy's Classy Catering."
96
00:05:37,655 --> 00:05:41,200
She's my sister. Her husband left.
I'm trying to get her back on her feet.
97
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:44,132
She runs a catering business
and a bait shop?
98
00:05:44,347 --> 00:05:46,179
Not at the same time.
99
00:05:49,074 --> 00:05:51,702
There's no pelican.
100
00:05:57,439 --> 00:06:00,067
Hey, you Charlie?
101
00:06:04,340 --> 00:06:06,136
Maybe.
102
00:06:08,062 --> 00:06:11,523
- Who's asking?
- I'm Daisy, the caterer.
103
00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:14,544
Your Berta's sister?
104
00:06:14,754 --> 00:06:16,967
Same mom. Dad's a little iffy.
105
00:06:18,518 --> 00:06:21,813
Berta said if I wanted a shot
of your bourbon, I had to ask you.
106
00:06:22,784 --> 00:06:25,794
- Yeah, sure. Knock yourself out.
- Thanks.
107
00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:32,780
I don't usually drink before noon,
but I'm going through a rough patch.
108
00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:36,249
Well, that's why they make bourbon.
109
00:06:36,461 --> 00:06:39,470
My husband left me for another woman.
You know how I found out?
110
00:06:39,682 --> 00:06:42,894
- To tell you the truth...
- Relax. It's rhetorical.
111
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:46,412
They waved to me as they drove
my house out of the trailer park.
112
00:06:48,632 --> 00:06:50,429
- That's sad.
- Yeah.
113
00:06:50,598 --> 00:06:53,524
I had that doublewide 11 years.
114
00:06:54,613 --> 00:06:56,076
Larry was with me for four.
115
00:06:56,244 --> 00:06:59,920
Six months of those were house arrest,
so you can't give him credit for that.
116
00:07:01,389 --> 00:07:04,648
You know,
I haven't gotten up to pee yet.
117
00:07:04,860 --> 00:07:06,989
Let me tell you something.
118
00:07:09,085 --> 00:07:11,963
Larry was nothing when I met him.
119
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:15,733
He was working at some kosher
slaughterhouse out in Fontana...
120
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:19,745
...before they fired him
for being mean to the cattle.
121
00:07:20,712 --> 00:07:22,127
What?
122
00:07:22,678 --> 00:07:26,021
The Jewish laws dictate that
the animals have to be treated kindly...
123
00:07:26,191 --> 00:07:27,606
...before they get whacked.
124
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,327
Larry would taunt them.
125
00:07:29,495 --> 00:07:32,588
"Hey, hamburger,
guess what's gonna happen to you."
126
00:07:39,073 --> 00:07:41,916
Anyway, I picked him up off his sorry,
unemployed ass.
127
00:07:42,084 --> 00:07:44,963
I gave him hair plugs,
contact lenses, teeth.
128
00:07:46,434 --> 00:07:49,563
The bastard dumped me for this tiny,
little Korean manicurist...
129
00:07:49,738 --> 00:07:52,748
...who huffs nail-polish remover
between appointments.
130
00:07:53,503 --> 00:07:57,762
Well, you give a guy hair and teeth,
he's bound to hook up with trash.
131
00:07:58,438 --> 00:08:00,317
No, she was pretty hot.
132
00:08:00,487 --> 00:08:03,616
She had a spray-on tan,
Botox up the yin-yang.
133
00:08:03,792 --> 00:08:06,040
Couldn't tell if she was 20 or 60.
134
00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:10,979
- Daisy!
- In here!
135
00:08:14,457 --> 00:08:16,086
What the hell are you doing?
136
00:08:16,297 --> 00:08:19,140
Relax. It's not what you think.
We're just having a drink.
137
00:08:19,309 --> 00:08:21,105
Good idea.
138
00:08:22,404 --> 00:08:25,032
You listen to me.
Just because I got us this job...
139
00:08:25,206 --> 00:08:27,169
...doesn't mean
I'm cooking by myself.
140
00:08:27,339 --> 00:08:28,671
I'm coming down there.
141
00:08:28,845 --> 00:08:31,224
And don't act like you're doing me
some big favor.
142
00:08:31,396 --> 00:08:34,774
Oh, excuse me for trying to help
my broke, homeless, baby sister.
143
00:08:34,951 --> 00:08:38,746
I'm not homeless. I have a home.
I just don't know where it's parked.
144
00:08:38,925 --> 00:08:42,184
I wouldn't be broke if you'd have
paid me my share of Mama's estate.
145
00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:44,609
What estate? It was a shoebox...
146
00:08:44,780 --> 00:08:47,706
...full of corn pads,
used lottery tickets and insulin.
147
00:08:47,917 --> 00:08:50,546
It's the first I'm hearing
about the insulin.
148
00:08:51,388 --> 00:08:53,434
Excuse me, but shouldn't we be,
you know...
149
00:08:53,605 --> 00:08:55,603
...cooking something
for my mother's party?
150
00:08:56,282 --> 00:08:57,614
Hang on, Charlie.
151
00:08:57,788 --> 00:09:02,093
You know, I am sick of you insinuating
that I stole all that crap Mama left me.
152
00:09:02,305 --> 00:09:06,646
She didn't leave it to you. You were just
the first one back after she flatlined.
153
00:09:06,822 --> 00:09:09,450
Oh, and where were you?
At some ashram in Oregon?
154
00:09:09,624 --> 00:09:13,680
I was learning from my guru
how to channel my spirit guide.
155
00:09:13,890 --> 00:09:17,435
Oh, please. You were humping
a defrocked priest in the woods.
156
00:09:21,084 --> 00:09:24,879
How about stuffed mushrooms?
Everybody loves those.
157
00:09:25,099 --> 00:09:27,394
You know, that's your problem
your whole life.
158
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:30,487
You chase after losers,
take care of them, fix them up...
159
00:09:30,662 --> 00:09:33,505
...and then they hop on
the first manicurist out of town.
160
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:36,088
You're jealous because
I've had love in my life.
161
00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:39,359
Yeah? You know what you got
in your life now? Squat.
162
00:09:39,529 --> 00:09:43,204
No husband, no one to do your nails,
and blocks where your house used to be.
163
00:09:43,377 --> 00:09:46,755
I swear to God. One more word and
I'm gonna knock you on your keister!
164
00:09:46,932 --> 00:09:49,180
- Okay, okay, there's no reason...
- Squat!
165
00:09:49,358 --> 00:09:51,190
- That's it!
- Whoa, whoa, no!
166
00:09:51,365 --> 00:09:55,208
No, whoa! Stop! Berta!
167
00:09:56,928 --> 00:09:58,760
Berta!
168
00:10:07,844 --> 00:10:09,093
Give me the rolling pin.
169
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:12,654
Is there a special place
you'd like me to put it?
170
00:10:14,285 --> 00:10:17,045
I don't know what else
you want from me. I took you in.
171
00:10:17,255 --> 00:10:19,717
Gunther's in the garage,
so you can have the couch.
172
00:10:19,932 --> 00:10:24,238
You spoil that dog.
Anyway, I'm staying at a motel tonight.
173
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:28,714
Good idea. Maybe you'll meet
your next husband on the walk there.
174
00:10:28,924 --> 00:10:30,506
- Can I have one of these?
- No.
175
00:10:30,681 --> 00:10:33,393
I am just trying to be a good sister.
176
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,862
No, you're trying
to make me feel like crap.
177
00:10:36,034 --> 00:10:37,616
It's what you always do.
178
00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:39,880
- So I can eat this?
- No.
179
00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:42,591
- Let him have one.
- You don't know this kid.
180
00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:46,313
He never stops at one.
He eats like a refugee.
181
00:10:48,456 --> 00:10:50,455
- Eat it.
- Drop it.
182
00:10:52,932 --> 00:10:55,263
Hey, how's it going?
183
00:11:02,593 --> 00:11:04,341
Not good.
184
00:11:07,319 --> 00:11:09,032
Nice move, Tinkerbell.
185
00:11:09,243 --> 00:11:12,169
- Shut your hole and help me pick this up.
- You pick it up.
186
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,045
I'm going outside to meditate.
187
00:11:14,220 --> 00:11:17,230
- What's going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.
188
00:11:17,399 --> 00:11:19,612
You wanted that clown
to be nice to his mother.
189
00:11:19,783 --> 00:11:22,912
But did you think to say to him,
"Clown, be nice to your mother"?
190
00:11:23,087 --> 00:11:25,419
No, we had to throw a big party
for our mother...
191
00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:28,606
...catered by
the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
192
00:11:29,696 --> 00:11:32,194
That's it. I can't work like this.
193
00:11:32,414 --> 00:11:33,794
Well, you have to, Berta.
194
00:11:33,962 --> 00:11:36,257
We've got 50 people coming
in a couple of hours.
195
00:11:36,471 --> 00:11:39,434
- Don't tell me. Tell her.
- Fine.
196
00:11:39,608 --> 00:11:40,642
Watch this.
197
00:11:43,874 --> 00:11:46,837
Hey! I'm meditating here!
198
00:11:48,935 --> 00:11:50,564
Jake, let's go pick up Grandma.
199
00:11:50,734 --> 00:11:53,314
- Charlie, you're in charge.
- The hell I am.
200
00:11:53,536 --> 00:11:55,534
- Why pick her up?
- Grandma likes to drink.
201
00:11:55,711 --> 00:11:59,672
- When grownups drink, they don't drive.
- Good thing Uncle Charlie lives here.
202
00:12:01,817 --> 00:12:04,315
So, good luck. I'll see you tomorrow.
203
00:12:04,536 --> 00:12:06,950
No, wait. Berta, you can't leave.
204
00:12:07,129 --> 00:12:11,851
Don't worry. Your deposit's fully
refundable in fishing tackle or live bait.
205
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:13,396
I don't want a refund.
206
00:12:13,570 --> 00:12:15,235
I want you to make up with Daisy...
207
00:12:15,410 --> 00:12:19,289
...so when my mother gets here, she'll
have something to eat besides my soul.
208
00:12:19,467 --> 00:12:23,012
Make up with her?
For what? Trying to help her?
209
00:12:23,190 --> 00:12:26,115
Trying to keep her from making
the same stupid mistake again?
210
00:12:26,327 --> 00:12:28,622
Yeah, sure, fine, whatever. Just do it!
211
00:12:29,547 --> 00:12:31,295
No, I'm done with her. I quit.
212
00:12:31,722 --> 00:12:34,601
Berta... Berta, you can't quit being
related to somebody.
213
00:12:34,775 --> 00:12:35,977
Believe me, I've tried.
214
00:12:37,870 --> 00:12:39,702
She is a spoiled, little princess...
215
00:12:39,878 --> 00:12:42,292
...who doesn't know
when somebody's trying to help.
216
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:44,469
- And you know what else?
- Hold on, hold on.
217
00:12:44,646 --> 00:12:48,239
I'm still trying to wrap
my brain around "little princess."
218
00:12:48,870 --> 00:12:51,880
Ever since Mom spit her out,
she got everything she wanted.
219
00:12:52,091 --> 00:12:55,552
"We don't need to fix Berta's teeth,
Daisy needs singing lessons."
220
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:57,858
"Why spend money
on a prom dress for Berta...
221
00:12:58,030 --> 00:13:00,528
...when Daisy needs tap shoes?"
- That's rough, but...
222
00:13:00,707 --> 00:13:03,086
"Who cares if Berta needs
her spine straightened?"
223
00:13:03,258 --> 00:13:04,756
"Daisy wants a nose job!"
224
00:13:05,935 --> 00:13:10,110
What if you went ahead and made
a couple dozen of those little egg rolls?
225
00:13:10,326 --> 00:13:12,824
"So what if Berta's got
an extra big toe?"
226
00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:23,077
- Mom?
- Oh, hello, boys.
227
00:13:23,794 --> 00:13:26,292
Why aren't you dressed?
We came to pick you up.
228
00:13:26,513 --> 00:13:28,309
So you can drink.
229
00:13:29,022 --> 00:13:32,817
Oh, yes, well,
I've decided to pass on the party.
230
00:13:33,037 --> 00:13:34,370
What? You can't pass.
231
00:13:34,543 --> 00:13:37,302
We've got people coming,
decorations, caterers.
232
00:13:37,513 --> 00:13:40,225
And that's how you're dressed?
233
00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:42,481
Beats the hell out of a bathrobe.
234
00:13:44,288 --> 00:13:48,131
- Why don't you wanna go to your party?
- Please, it isn't a party.
235
00:13:48,303 --> 00:13:51,646
It's a sham.
None of those people are my friends.
236
00:13:52,151 --> 00:13:54,483
Why would you think that?
237
00:13:55,916 --> 00:13:59,460
Believe it or not, Alan, your mother is
a very sensitive woman...
238
00:13:59,638 --> 00:14:03,730
...and I can feel when people around me
know that I hate them.
239
00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:08,374
Why did you want us
to throw the party?
240
00:14:08,589 --> 00:14:10,337
Oh, why does anyone want a party?
241
00:14:10,513 --> 00:14:12,558
To feel superior
while feigning humility.
242
00:14:12,771 --> 00:14:14,686
Don't touch that, Jake.
243
00:14:15,908 --> 00:14:17,323
Let me tell you something.
244
00:14:17,497 --> 00:14:21,042
The way you treat people
is the way they treat you back.
245
00:14:23,018 --> 00:14:25,433
Miserable bastards.
246
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:30,832
But putting that aside,
you're getting a gold jacket today...
247
00:14:31,049 --> 00:14:33,094
...and we wanted
to share that with you.
248
00:14:33,265 --> 00:14:38,405
Is that what it takes? I have to win an
award for my sons to notice I'm alive?
249
00:14:39,539 --> 00:14:43,798
Okay, you know what?
Go, don't go. I don't care.
250
00:14:44,014 --> 00:14:47,940
If you wanna sit here
and stew in the venom and bile...
251
00:14:48,113 --> 00:14:51,658
...that is the soup of your being,
then fine. I hope you drown in it.
252
00:14:51,877 --> 00:14:54,756
Don't you ever talk
to your mother this way.
253
00:14:55,391 --> 00:14:58,186
Forget the party.
I'll go back and tell those people...
254
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:02,071
...that the guest of honor could not
be bothered to show up.
255
00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:05,004
- Come on, Jake.
- Oh, dear Lord.
256
00:15:05,178 --> 00:15:07,723
Alan, wait.
257
00:15:08,189 --> 00:15:13,543
If this silly, little party
means that much to you, I'll go.
258
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,589
Just let me get dressed.
259
00:15:15,969 --> 00:15:17,765
Oh, gee. Thanks, Mom.
260
00:15:21,155 --> 00:15:25,544
God, I hate being guilted
into doing things.
261
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:30,478
And after all that, the loans,
the bail, the kidney I gave her...
262
00:15:30,649 --> 00:15:34,444
...which even though it wasn't mine,
was still money out of pocket...
263
00:15:34,664 --> 00:15:36,662
...did she appreciate my sacrifices?
264
00:15:37,299 --> 00:15:38,798
I'm guessing no.
265
00:15:39,014 --> 00:15:42,440
She threw them away on chasing
after men with drinking problems...
266
00:15:42,611 --> 00:15:45,823
...men with gambling problems,
men with wooden legs and glass eyes.
267
00:15:45,999 --> 00:15:47,247
You wanna know why?
268
00:15:49,261 --> 00:15:51,343
Spare parts?
269
00:15:52,607 --> 00:15:54,154
Low self-esteem.
270
00:15:54,949 --> 00:15:56,781
I remember
when we were little girls...
271
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,205
...she had this crush
on our cousin Jimmy...
272
00:15:59,383 --> 00:16:03,344
- He wasn't really our cousin. He was...
- Stop, please! Enough.
273
00:16:04,402 --> 00:16:06,781
If you won't talk to her, I will.
274
00:16:08,166 --> 00:16:11,175
Finally. I was running out of stories.
275
00:16:12,934 --> 00:16:14,516
Daisy?
276
00:16:17,911 --> 00:16:19,493
Can I talk to you for a minute?
277
00:16:21,926 --> 00:16:25,102
Daisy is no longer inhabiting
this earthly vessel.
278
00:16:27,907 --> 00:16:29,240
Excuse me?
279
00:16:29,831 --> 00:16:33,542
I am Oxyquatzal,
warrior priestess of the Aztec people.
280
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:36,559
Okay.
281
00:16:37,904 --> 00:16:39,533
Let me ask you something.
282
00:16:39,702 --> 00:16:43,295
Do you know how to make
those little hot dogs wrapped in pastry?
283
00:16:44,052 --> 00:16:46,632
Listen carefully.
I have a message for Daisy.
284
00:16:46,812 --> 00:16:49,489
- Really?
- She's wandered off the path of destiny.
285
00:16:49,656 --> 00:16:51,155
She must return.
286
00:16:51,789 --> 00:16:54,715
Alrighty, is there a number
where she can reach you?
287
00:16:55,177 --> 00:16:56,926
Tell her to follow her bliss...
288
00:16:57,101 --> 00:16:59,682
...to stop squandering
the gifts of the Great Spirit.
289
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,492
- Got it.
- Do you need to write that down?
290
00:17:04,713 --> 00:17:07,676
No, I got it. Path, bliss, spirit.
291
00:17:07,892 --> 00:17:11,437
- Great Spirit.
- Sorry. "Great Spirit."
292
00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:14,874
- Anything else?
- No, that's it.
293
00:17:21,401 --> 00:17:25,160
- What do you want?
- You're screwing with me, right?
294
00:17:25,375 --> 00:17:29,431
Get out of here.
I'm trying to channel my spirit guide.
295
00:17:29,641 --> 00:17:31,104
OxyContin?
296
00:17:32,903 --> 00:17:34,700
Oxyquatzal. How do
you know about her?
297
00:17:35,078 --> 00:17:36,362
Oh, boy.
298
00:17:36,584 --> 00:17:38,380
Berta!
299
00:17:39,846 --> 00:17:42,641
Was Oxyquatzal here?
What did she say?
300
00:17:44,865 --> 00:17:47,244
She said that the guests
are gonna be here soon...
301
00:17:47,417 --> 00:17:51,127
...so you should make up
with your sister and finish cooking.
302
00:17:51,348 --> 00:17:52,977
No, she didn't.
303
00:17:53,188 --> 00:17:54,937
How do you know?
304
00:17:55,154 --> 00:17:59,294
Oxyquatzal is a 500-year-old
Aztec warrior.
305
00:17:59,462 --> 00:18:02,507
Do you think she really cares
about your dumb-ass party?
306
00:18:02,683 --> 00:18:05,181
Everybody likes a party.
307
00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:07,449
What did she really say, Chachi?
308
00:18:08,831 --> 00:18:13,506
She said that you have strayed from
your path and to follow your bliss...
309
00:18:13,683 --> 00:18:16,442
...which is catering, right?
- No, I never liked catering.
310
00:18:16,610 --> 00:18:20,203
I only got into it because the bait
business was so damn competitive.
311
00:18:20,918 --> 00:18:22,120
What else?
312
00:18:24,055 --> 00:18:27,731
Something about squandering
the gifts of the Great Spirit.
313
00:18:27,945 --> 00:18:31,240
Oh, man, that is heavy.
314
00:18:31,416 --> 00:18:35,092
For an ancient chick,
she is so spot on.
315
00:18:35,766 --> 00:18:38,728
Well, no sense crying over
squandered gifts.
316
00:18:38,903 --> 00:18:40,616
What do you say
we go to the kitchen?
317
00:18:40,785 --> 00:18:45,425
What's the point?
My life is hopeless. My dreams are dead.
318
00:18:45,595 --> 00:18:47,759
Yeah, but what if they weren't?
319
00:18:49,610 --> 00:18:51,525
- What do you mean?
- Oh, I don't know.
320
00:18:51,701 --> 00:18:54,282
What if there was some way
I could help you?
321
00:18:54,964 --> 00:18:58,009
You think you could whip up
some rumaki then?
322
00:18:58,519 --> 00:19:00,648
You don't even know
what my dreams are.
323
00:19:00,861 --> 00:19:04,156
Oh, come on. Work with me, baby.
I don't even know what rumaki is!
324
00:19:06,926 --> 00:19:10,138
Oh, gosh, Alan,
I don't know about this.
325
00:19:10,355 --> 00:19:13,115
- Is my hair all right?
- Mom, your hair looks perfect.
326
00:19:13,283 --> 00:19:15,995
You're impeccably dressed,
you're fashionably late...
327
00:19:16,169 --> 00:19:18,001
...and everybody is waiting for you.
328
00:19:18,177 --> 00:19:21,721
So, now, come on, let's walk in there
and rub their noses in your success.
329
00:19:21,941 --> 00:19:23,773
Well, all right.
330
00:19:24,409 --> 00:19:25,741
- Alan.
- What?
331
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,086
You're blocking me.
332
00:19:59,416 --> 00:20:01,295
Rumaki?
333
00:20:03,849 --> 00:20:07,941
I will never, ever forgive you for this.
334
00:20:15,017 --> 00:20:19,156
One thing. One lousy thing I ask
from my sons, and this is what I get.
335
00:20:20,621 --> 00:20:22,286
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
336
00:20:22,796 --> 00:20:26,555
Not only was I roundly ignored
at my own party...
337
00:20:26,728 --> 00:20:29,226
...but I listened
to a disturbed caterer belt out...
338
00:20:29,404 --> 00:20:31,533
...the entire score
of La Cage aux Folles.
339
00:20:33,043 --> 00:20:34,327
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
340
00:20:34,549 --> 00:20:36,214
You should be sorry.
341
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:37,972
We are.
342
00:20:38,188 --> 00:20:39,567
Then say it.
343
00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:42,324
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
344
00:20:42,538 --> 00:20:43,703
Hello?
345
00:20:44,336 --> 00:20:46,215
Jake, honey, ready to go home?
346
00:20:46,636 --> 00:20:50,812
Mom, you're here. I love you.
347
00:20:52,743 --> 00:20:56,336
Wonderful. Teach him sarcasm.
Thank you very much.
348
00:20:59,142 --> 00:21:00,938
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
28007
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