Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
2
00:00:06,359 --> 00:00:08,560
Oh... yeah, that's nice.
3
00:00:08,561 --> 00:00:10,362
Oh.
4
00:00:10,363 --> 00:00:12,063
Oh...
5
00:00:13,032 --> 00:00:14,867
Good morning, everybody.
6
00:00:14,868 --> 00:00:16,000
Shh!
7
00:00:18,004 --> 00:00:20,171
Who the hell is this clown?
8
00:00:21,174 --> 00:00:23,942
Hi. I'm Kai.
9
00:00:23,943 --> 00:00:25,544
He's my boyfriend.
10
00:00:25,545 --> 00:00:26,712
Who are you?
11
00:00:26,713 --> 00:00:27,713
Well, I'm...
12
00:00:27,714 --> 00:00:29,281
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
13
00:00:31,551 --> 00:00:33,018
I'm Jimmy.
14
00:00:33,019 --> 00:00:35,920
My goodness.
15
00:00:37,074 --> 00:00:39,291
They are really going for it, huh?
16
00:00:45,665 --> 00:00:47,399
Yeah!
17
00:00:48,668 --> 00:00:51,770
Oh, my God, are you
really allowing this?
18
00:00:51,771 --> 00:00:53,194
What do you want me to do about it?
19
00:00:53,195 --> 00:00:54,406
Something, it's disgusting.
20
00:00:54,407 --> 00:00:55,674
Just turn the TV up.
21
00:00:55,675 --> 00:00:57,338
Probably tire themselves
out pretty soon.
22
00:00:57,339 --> 00:00:58,477
Nah, I don't know, Mick.
23
00:00:58,478 --> 00:01:00,479
It kind of feels like
it's your department now.
24
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:01,947
Are you giving me parenting advice?
25
00:01:01,948 --> 00:01:03,615
Yeah, why are you even here?
26
00:01:03,616 --> 00:01:05,417
Yeah, true, you contribute nothing.
27
00:01:05,418 --> 00:01:07,252
Oh, what the hell are
you guys talking about?
28
00:01:07,253 --> 00:01:08,420
I'm the father figure.
29
00:01:08,421 --> 00:01:10,088
Do you like my turtle?
30
00:01:10,089 --> 00:01:11,523
Uh...
31
00:01:11,524 --> 00:01:13,425
no, not really.
32
00:01:13,426 --> 00:01:15,192
Good job, Dad.
33
00:01:15,193 --> 00:01:16,628
Well, I'm not gonna lie to the kid.
34
00:01:17,813 --> 00:01:19,598
Oh, there we go.
35
00:01:19,599 --> 00:01:21,333
Problem solved.
36
00:01:21,334 --> 00:01:22,968
Oh...
37
00:01:22,969 --> 00:01:26,338
Oh, my God!
38
00:01:28,074 --> 00:01:29,808
Knock, knock. Can I come in?
39
00:01:29,809 --> 00:01:31,810
Mm-hmm. You could also actually knock.
40
00:01:31,811 --> 00:01:33,812
Yeah. How's it going?
41
00:01:33,813 --> 00:01:35,180
- Everything good?
- Yep.
42
00:01:35,181 --> 00:01:36,281
Just chillin'.
43
00:01:36,282 --> 00:01:37,448
Yeah, yeah.
44
00:01:38,718 --> 00:01:40,652
So, Kai, huh?
45
00:01:40,653 --> 00:01:41,787
- He seems cool.
- Yeah.
46
00:01:41,788 --> 00:01:43,188
What's his deal? Is he like a...
47
00:01:43,189 --> 00:01:45,357
- a fireman or a model or something?
- No.
48
00:01:45,358 --> 00:01:47,092
No, he builds furniture
out of found wood.
49
00:01:47,093 --> 00:01:48,526
Found wood.
50
00:01:49,759 --> 00:01:51,392
Found wood's a thing. Oh.
51
00:01:52,198 --> 00:01:55,750
So, I guess you guys
are having sex, huh?
52
00:01:55,751 --> 00:01:57,051
Oh, God, are we having the talk?
53
00:01:57,052 --> 00:01:58,733
No, I don't want to
have the talk, at all.
54
00:01:58,734 --> 00:02:00,437
Listen, I just wanted
to let you know that
55
00:02:00,438 --> 00:02:02,089
I totally get it and
56
00:02:02,090 --> 00:02:03,224
you picked a good one,
57
00:02:03,225 --> 00:02:05,059
that guy is a hall of fame piece of ass.
58
00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:06,127
Oh, man,
59
00:02:06,128 --> 00:02:08,329
I'd let him do things to me...
60
00:02:08,330 --> 00:02:09,497
Please stop! Just stop it.
61
00:02:09,498 --> 00:02:10,898
All right, the point is, uh,
62
00:02:10,899 --> 00:02:12,600
you're a woman with needs and I get it,
63
00:02:12,601 --> 00:02:15,603
so as long as you're
using condoms, I'm cool.
64
00:02:15,604 --> 00:02:16,604
We're not.
65
00:02:16,605 --> 00:02:18,406
Oh, okay. Well, that's cool.
66
00:02:18,407 --> 00:02:19,440
Your body, your choice.
67
00:02:19,441 --> 00:02:21,075
I am more of a pill person myself.
68
00:02:21,076 --> 00:02:23,344
Do you have any idea how
poisonous that stuff is?
69
00:02:23,345 --> 00:02:25,780
How is birth control poison, Sabrina?
70
00:02:25,781 --> 00:02:28,249
It destroys your body and
causes crazy mood swings.
71
00:02:28,250 --> 00:02:29,250
So do babies!
72
00:02:29,251 --> 00:02:30,985
Why do you all of a sudden care what...?
73
00:02:30,986 --> 00:02:33,387
Oh...
74
00:02:33,388 --> 00:02:34,422
I get it.
75
00:02:34,423 --> 00:02:35,356
Get what?
76
00:02:35,357 --> 00:02:36,624
You're jealous.
77
00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:37,458
I'm jealous?
78
00:02:37,459 --> 00:02:38,626
- Yeah.
- What, of you?
79
00:02:38,627 --> 00:02:40,361
Why would I be jealous of you?
80
00:02:40,362 --> 00:02:43,097
Maybe because I have a beautiful
hunk of beef and you don't.
81
00:02:43,098 --> 00:02:44,832
- I got beef.
- Who, Jimmy?
82
00:02:44,833 --> 00:02:46,267
That packaged lunch meat?
83
00:02:46,268 --> 00:02:48,636
I'm over here feasting on filet mignon.
84
00:02:48,637 --> 00:02:50,307
All right, you know
what? I don't want to have
85
00:02:50,308 --> 00:02:52,148
this conversation. I
just don't want you to get
86
00:02:52,149 --> 00:02:53,590
pregnant, so why don't you just take
87
00:02:53,614 --> 00:02:56,644
some of my pills, until you go
fill a prescription of your own.
88
00:02:56,645 --> 00:02:59,380
You keep your birth
control in a plastic bag?
89
00:02:59,381 --> 00:03:00,648
Well, I buy it in bulk online.
90
00:03:00,649 --> 00:03:02,016
I find it more cost effective.
91
00:03:02,017 --> 00:03:03,117
I don't want them, okay?
92
00:03:03,118 --> 00:03:04,986
Why are you so resistant to the pill?
93
00:03:04,987 --> 00:03:06,454
It's a modern miracle!
94
00:03:06,455 --> 00:03:08,456
The pill revolutionized
everything for women.
95
00:03:08,457 --> 00:03:09,857
We were able to join the workforce.
96
00:03:09,858 --> 00:03:11,658
- It allowed us to...
- You never worked a day
97
00:03:11,682 --> 00:03:12,393
in your life.
98
00:03:12,394 --> 00:03:13,497
But I could if I wanted to,
99
00:03:13,498 --> 00:03:14,929
thanks to this magic little pill.
100
00:03:14,930 --> 00:03:17,098
Those pills are magic?
101
00:03:17,099 --> 00:03:19,033
Oh, here we go. Ben,
let me ask you something.
102
00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:21,135
If there was a pill
that gave you the freedom
103
00:03:21,136 --> 00:03:22,837
to be anything in the whole world,
104
00:03:22,838 --> 00:03:24,572
- would you take it?
- Definitely.
105
00:03:24,573 --> 00:03:27,308
There you go. This kid gets
it and he's, like, three.
106
00:03:27,309 --> 00:03:29,110
Great, then he can take
'em. How 'bout that?
107
00:03:29,111 --> 00:03:31,644
Okay, come back here.
108
00:03:32,247 --> 00:03:33,663
Come on, Sabrina.
109
00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:35,683
What do you care what I do with my body?
110
00:03:35,684 --> 00:03:36,751
You're not my mom.
111
00:03:36,752 --> 00:03:38,015
Honey, as far as I'm concerned,
112
00:03:38,016 --> 00:03:39,520
as long as I'm here, I have two jobs:
113
00:03:39,521 --> 00:03:41,689
make sure nobody dies
or winds up pregnant.
114
00:03:41,690 --> 00:03:42,857
No deaths, no births.
115
00:03:42,858 --> 00:03:44,325
Is what you're doing even legal?
116
00:03:44,326 --> 00:03:45,793
You're 17!
117
00:03:45,794 --> 00:03:46,961
What is he, like 30?
118
00:03:46,962 --> 00:03:48,105
Actually, the age of consent
119
00:03:48,106 --> 00:03:49,697
in Connecticut is 16.
120
00:03:49,698 --> 00:03:51,064
What?
121
00:03:52,234 --> 00:03:54,201
It's cool to have
sex with a 16-year-old
122
00:03:54,202 --> 00:03:55,535
in the state of Connecticut.
123
00:03:56,605 --> 00:03:58,439
Well, not cool like "awesome."
124
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,975
Cool like "acceptable."
125
00:04:00,976 --> 00:04:02,610
Gross, how do you know that?
126
00:04:02,611 --> 00:04:04,078
I know what I know.
127
00:04:04,079 --> 00:04:05,980
12 in Oaxaca.
128
00:04:05,981 --> 00:04:07,560
Pull your head out of your ass!
129
00:04:07,561 --> 00:04:09,099
Come on, this is the kind of mistake
130
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,140
that could ruin your life.
131
00:04:10,141 --> 00:04:12,074
I'm not gonna get pregnant.
132
00:04:12,075 --> 00:04:13,861
God, I'm so stoked I'm not a girl.
133
00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:15,730
- Babies freakin' suck.
- Hey,
134
00:04:15,731 --> 00:04:17,131
it's a two-way street, pal.
135
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,915
Women have trapped men
since the dawn of time
136
00:04:18,916 --> 00:04:21,102
by getting "accidentally" knocked up.
137
00:04:21,103 --> 00:04:23,771
And you, my friend, are a prime target.
138
00:04:23,772 --> 00:04:26,007
If I were a chick, I
would take you down.
139
00:04:27,576 --> 00:04:28,943
Hey, babe.
140
00:04:28,944 --> 00:04:31,278
Hey.
141
00:04:39,021 --> 00:04:40,721
Um?
142
00:04:40,722 --> 00:04:43,391
Jimmy, can I have a word with
you in the bedroom for a second?
143
00:04:43,392 --> 00:04:45,560
Why?
144
00:04:45,561 --> 00:04:47,028
Oh. Oh, yeah.
145
00:04:47,029 --> 00:04:48,295
Yeah, yeah, yep.
146
00:04:56,038 --> 00:04:57,271
Hey, guys.
147
00:04:57,272 --> 00:04:59,607
Kai, can you give us a
little privacy, please?
148
00:04:59,608 --> 00:05:01,509
- Oh, yeah, absolutely.
- Thanks.
149
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:02,877
Babe, do you need anything?
150
00:05:02,878 --> 00:05:03,978
I'm fine.
151
00:05:03,979 --> 00:05:05,213
Oh, yeah, you are.
152
00:05:05,214 --> 00:05:07,448
Okay. Scooch over.
153
00:05:07,449 --> 00:05:09,317
- Here we go. Whoopsie daisy.
- Um...
154
00:05:09,318 --> 00:05:10,785
So, listen,
155
00:05:10,786 --> 00:05:12,687
I was thinking about our
conversation yesterday
156
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,789
and I feel like I came
across kind of naggy.
157
00:05:14,790 --> 00:05:16,357
And I'm really sorry about that.
158
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:18,326
Because I get it, condoms suck.
159
00:05:18,327 --> 00:05:19,961
Remember how I felt about
this conversation before?
160
00:05:19,962 --> 00:05:21,242
- Mm-hmm.
- Nothing's changed.
161
00:05:21,243 --> 00:05:22,496
All right, well, just hear me out, okay?
162
00:05:22,497 --> 00:05:23,746
I went down to the free clinic
163
00:05:23,747 --> 00:05:25,600
and I took full advantage
of the "free" part for you.
164
00:05:25,601 --> 00:05:27,869
Turns out, you kids have all
sorts of options these days.
165
00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:29,333
- What?
- I mean, are you kidding me?
166
00:05:29,334 --> 00:05:30,171
Look at this.
167
00:05:30,172 --> 00:05:31,072
For instance,
168
00:05:31,073 --> 00:05:32,440
what's this little guy?
169
00:05:32,441 --> 00:05:35,057
Cute little silver package.
170
00:05:35,324 --> 00:05:36,878
A ring!
171
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,382
It's like a little piece of calamari.
172
00:05:38,383 --> 00:05:39,347
That's cool.
173
00:05:39,348 --> 00:05:40,811
I don't know what you're supposed...
174
00:05:40,812 --> 00:05:42,483
Does this go around the...
175
00:05:42,484 --> 00:05:44,485
Oh, no, no. Nope, you squish it,
176
00:05:44,486 --> 00:05:45,987
and you actually stick it up your...
177
00:05:45,988 --> 00:05:47,288
and you are, uh...
178
00:05:47,289 --> 00:05:48,456
You're open for business.
179
00:05:48,457 --> 00:05:50,091
Oh, yeah? Okay, cool, well,
180
00:05:50,092 --> 00:05:52,193
uh, it has the exact
same hormones as the pill
181
00:05:52,194 --> 00:05:54,829
and it causes blood clots.
182
00:05:54,830 --> 00:05:56,351
Okay, try not to be a pain in the ass,
183
00:05:56,352 --> 00:05:57,352
we have a lot more here.
184
00:05:57,353 --> 00:05:58,900
Now, what is this gizmo?
185
00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:00,001
That's an IUD.
186
00:06:00,002 --> 00:06:01,802
Boy, it's off-putting.
187
00:06:01,803 --> 00:06:02,937
- Very long.
- Yeah.
188
00:06:02,938 --> 00:06:04,772
Oh, but you know what I see here?
189
00:06:04,773 --> 00:06:07,174
No chemicals, no hormones.
190
00:06:07,175 --> 00:06:08,209
Looks like we've
191
00:06:08,210 --> 00:06:09,641
- got a winner!
- Nope.
192
00:06:09,642 --> 00:06:10,745
- Open wide.
- Don't even...
193
00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,413
Yeah, here comes the airplane.
194
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:14,415
- Come on.
- I'm gonna shove it all...
195
00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:15,919
- I'm just kidding.
- I don't want it!
196
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,652
- I won't, you got pants on.
- Oh, my God.
197
00:06:17,653 --> 00:06:19,287
That thing is filled with copper.
198
00:06:19,288 --> 00:06:20,454
Come on, do you have any other toxins
199
00:06:20,455 --> 00:06:21,589
you want to fill me up with?
200
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,557
Oh, my God, you are
the dumbest smart person
201
00:06:23,558 --> 00:06:24,661
I have ever met in my life.
202
00:06:24,662 --> 00:06:26,193
Fine, you don't want to use condoms,
203
00:06:26,194 --> 00:06:27,662
I guess I'll have to be the condom.
204
00:06:27,663 --> 00:06:28,944
Gross, what does that even mean?
205
00:06:28,945 --> 00:06:30,648
It means I will see
to it that you and Kai
206
00:06:30,649 --> 00:06:31,933
never have unprotected sex.
207
00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:33,395
- How?
- I don't have a job
208
00:06:33,396 --> 00:06:35,069
or any hobbies, I'll
figure something out.
209
00:06:35,070 --> 00:06:35,870
Hey, Mickey.
210
00:06:35,871 --> 00:06:36,971
I need your signature.
211
00:06:36,972 --> 00:06:38,306
Yeah,
212
00:06:38,307 --> 00:06:39,450
I'm not big on paper trails.
213
00:06:39,451 --> 00:06:40,408
What's it for?
214
00:06:40,409 --> 00:06:41,912
Well, I thought about what Jimmy said
215
00:06:41,913 --> 00:06:44,080
and I'm gonna get a vasectomy.
216
00:06:47,591 --> 00:06:50,441
A vasectomy? What the
hell are you talking about?
217
00:06:50,442 --> 00:06:51,509
Jimmy's right, I got
218
00:06:51,510 --> 00:06:53,444
- a big-ass target on my back.
- Jimmy!
219
00:06:53,445 --> 00:06:54,979
Think about it: I'm rich,
220
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:57,348
I'm smart, I look like
a freakin' movie star,
221
00:06:57,349 --> 00:06:58,649
I'm kind,
222
00:06:58,650 --> 00:07:00,017
and I'd make a great dad.
223
00:07:00,018 --> 00:07:01,385
It's only a matter of time
224
00:07:01,386 --> 00:07:02,553
until some gold-digging whore
225
00:07:02,554 --> 00:07:03,754
lures me into her honey trap.
226
00:07:03,755 --> 00:07:05,623
- What's up?
- Chip here
227
00:07:05,624 --> 00:07:07,145
is thinking about getting a vasectomy.
228
00:07:07,146 --> 00:07:09,209
Oh, right on. You want me
to drive him or something?
229
00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:10,861
No, I don't, because
he's not getting one.
230
00:07:10,862 --> 00:07:12,229
Hey, this is my body.
231
00:07:12,230 --> 00:07:14,453
I should be able to do whatever
the hell I want with it!
232
00:07:14,454 --> 00:07:16,667
- He's got a point.
- Nah, don't you... don't start.
233
00:07:16,668 --> 00:07:19,003
He's not getting his balls
chopped off, Jimmy, okay?
234
00:07:19,004 --> 00:07:20,205
Okay, that's not how it works.
235
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:21,829
It's actually a pretty simple procedure.
236
00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:23,274
They clamp it, snip it, seal it.
237
00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:25,476
I've had it done a couple
times and reversed, so...
238
00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:27,244
Okay, he hasn't even kissed a girl yet.
239
00:07:27,245 --> 00:07:29,780
I've kissed girls, okay?
I kiss... I kiss mad girls!
240
00:07:29,781 --> 00:07:30,748
All right, prove it.
241
00:07:30,749 --> 00:07:31,852
Kiss your hand, show me how
242
00:07:31,853 --> 00:07:33,117
you kiss all these girls.
243
00:07:33,118 --> 00:07:35,252
Okay...
244
00:07:48,166 --> 00:07:50,901
Stop laughing, it's not funny!
245
00:07:50,902 --> 00:07:52,603
- I'm sorry.
- What's going on?
246
00:07:52,604 --> 00:07:53,771
Oh, nothing,
247
00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:55,272
we're just, um, making fun of Chip
248
00:07:55,273 --> 00:07:56,576
'cause he's never kissed a girl.
249
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,375
Ah, don't sweat it, little man.
250
00:07:58,376 --> 00:08:00,711
I didn't have my first
kiss till the third grade.
251
00:08:00,712 --> 00:08:01,712
Well, I'm 13.
252
00:08:01,713 --> 00:08:03,447
Hmm. Well,
253
00:08:03,448 --> 00:08:04,615
there's nothing to it.
254
00:08:04,616 --> 00:08:06,417
All you got to do is
just close your eyes,
255
00:08:06,418 --> 00:08:08,952
just let the wave wash over you.
256
00:08:13,425 --> 00:08:15,259
No, no, okay, all right, all right,
257
00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:17,528
hold on. H-Hey. Hang on a second. Wait!
258
00:08:17,529 --> 00:08:19,263
Just stop. Stop! Stop it!
259
00:08:19,264 --> 00:08:20,531
- I mean...
- Stop!
260
00:08:20,532 --> 00:08:23,768
Get out. Good, good.
261
00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:25,269
Good, really good.
262
00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:29,472
Healthy. Healthy as a horse.
263
00:08:30,942 --> 00:08:32,276
Jimmy, a word.
264
00:08:32,277 --> 00:08:34,912
What? Oh.
265
00:08:40,185 --> 00:08:42,520
Oh, my God!
266
00:09:07,946 --> 00:09:09,747
What are you doing?
267
00:09:09,748 --> 00:09:11,749
Oh, come on.
268
00:09:24,029 --> 00:09:25,362
Oh!
269
00:09:38,643 --> 00:09:40,578
Yeah! There we go.
270
00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:42,413
Ooh, stinks in here.
271
00:09:42,414 --> 00:09:43,614
Get a little air flow going.
272
00:09:43,615 --> 00:09:44,882
What are you, insane?
273
00:09:44,883 --> 00:09:46,746
You have nothing better
to do than to stalk me?
274
00:09:46,747 --> 00:09:48,652
You guys just say the word.
275
00:09:48,653 --> 00:09:50,988
Just give 'em to me,
we'll try 'em, you maniac.
276
00:09:50,989 --> 00:09:52,890
Now we're talking.
277
00:09:54,025 --> 00:09:56,059
You kids go nuts.
278
00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:01,632
Whoa...
279
00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:03,534
What is the problem, slugger?
280
00:10:03,535 --> 00:10:06,203
All the girls at my
school are stupid trolls!
281
00:10:06,204 --> 00:10:08,973
Oh, well, you were smart to come to me.
282
00:10:08,974 --> 00:10:10,441
I didn't, you walked into my room.
283
00:10:10,442 --> 00:10:12,109
Yeah, either way.
284
00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:14,211
Tell me about these trolls, pal.
285
00:10:14,212 --> 00:10:15,980
They're...
286
00:10:15,981 --> 00:10:18,716
They're not trolls, okay, they just...
287
00:10:18,717 --> 00:10:21,452
they won't...
288
00:10:21,453 --> 00:10:22,920
Okay, if I tell you,
289
00:10:22,921 --> 00:10:24,555
you have to promise not to tell anybody.
290
00:10:24,556 --> 00:10:25,723
Yeah, of course.
291
00:10:25,724 --> 00:10:27,825
Mickey's right, I never...
292
00:10:27,826 --> 00:10:30,127
kissed a girl, ever.
293
00:10:30,128 --> 00:10:31,395
Uh-huh.
294
00:10:31,396 --> 00:10:32,630
I tried to do it like Kai,
295
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,132
but they all treated me
like I had freakin' AIDS.
296
00:10:35,133 --> 00:10:37,401
Okay, that's ignorant and insensitive,
297
00:10:37,402 --> 00:10:39,937
but I get how it feels to be rejected.
298
00:10:39,938 --> 00:10:41,572
Trust me, uh...
299
00:10:41,573 --> 00:10:43,407
All right, and Kai,
300
00:10:43,408 --> 00:10:46,312
he's so good looking, it's...
301
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,146
I wouldn't mind taking
a run at him myself.
302
00:10:49,312 --> 00:10:51,482
And he is really giving your aunt and I
303
00:10:51,483 --> 00:10:52,850
a jump-start in the bedroom.
304
00:10:52,851 --> 00:10:54,314
Oh, gross, dude. Know your audience.
305
00:10:54,315 --> 00:10:56,353
I'm sorry. Look, all I'm saying is
306
00:10:56,354 --> 00:10:58,222
you got to be yourself, okay.
307
00:10:58,223 --> 00:11:00,324
Forget Kai and his looks.
308
00:11:00,325 --> 00:11:02,426
You've got things that
he doesn't have, right?
309
00:11:02,427 --> 00:11:04,728
You got to play to those,
play to your strengths.
310
00:11:04,729 --> 00:11:06,664
Right, play to my strengths.
311
00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:08,832
- Thank you, Jimmy.
- Yeah.
312
00:11:10,902 --> 00:11:13,771
Ugh. What the heck is going on up there?
313
00:11:13,772 --> 00:11:19,476
Your sister's getting
fu... rniture... delivered.
314
00:11:19,477 --> 00:11:21,445
- Huh?
- Pretty cool drawing.
315
00:11:21,446 --> 00:11:23,047
No, it's not. It's terrible.
316
00:11:23,048 --> 00:11:25,849
And how am I supposed
to make anything good
317
00:11:25,850 --> 00:11:28,552
when you won't stop
breathing down my neck?!
318
00:11:28,553 --> 00:11:32,423
Whoa, Benny, what is
going on with you, bud?
319
00:11:32,424 --> 00:11:35,259
You're so moody these days.
320
00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:39,596
Ms. Mickey? Look, I found
these in Sabrina's trash.
321
00:11:39,597 --> 00:11:41,298
Are you serious?
322
00:11:41,299 --> 00:11:43,002
You have to promise
me you will not let her
323
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,902
get pregnant, okay... Prométame.
324
00:11:44,903 --> 00:11:46,937
I prometa. Okay?
325
00:11:46,938 --> 00:11:49,206
I already raised Sabrina, Chip, and Ben.
326
00:11:49,207 --> 00:11:51,542
I cannot do another, not
with all the crying and the...
327
00:11:51,543 --> 00:11:53,277
- And the no sleeping and the diapers.
- I get it. Hey, hey, yes...
328
00:11:53,278 --> 00:11:55,579
- There are just so many diapers.
- I understand, okay.
329
00:11:55,580 --> 00:11:58,182
No, no, no, you don't understand.
330
00:11:58,183 --> 00:11:59,950
I breastfed all three of them.
331
00:11:59,951 --> 00:12:02,219
My nipples are like old chewing gum.
332
00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:05,456
No, no, no, but come on,
good God, that's enough.
333
00:12:05,457 --> 00:12:06,857
I'll figure it out, okay.
334
00:12:06,858 --> 00:12:09,059
I don't want to hear
about your nipples anymore.
335
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:11,495
- Are we cool on that?
- Yeah, we're good. We're good.
336
00:12:11,496 --> 00:12:14,565
- Okay, good.
- But we got to keep her from seeing him.
337
00:12:14,566 --> 00:12:16,848
No, that's the classic thing.
If we forbid her to see him,
338
00:12:16,849 --> 00:12:18,350
she's just going to want him more.
339
00:12:18,351 --> 00:12:20,537
We got to make her break up with him.
340
00:12:20,538 --> 00:12:23,474
- Oh!
- What?
341
00:12:23,475 --> 00:12:25,676
I'm going to bang his
beautiful brains out.
342
00:12:25,677 --> 00:12:28,892
- Oh... yeah.
- Oh... yeah.
343
00:12:31,178 --> 00:12:33,794
Mickey, I got a bad feeling about this.
344
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,737
Sabrina is going to do the murder to you
345
00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:37,205
if you sleep with Kai.
346
00:12:37,206 --> 00:12:39,074
Yeah, well, she'll get over it.
347
00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:42,744
I think it should be me who
carries out this despicable act.
348
00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:45,847
Oh, Alba, that is very generous of you,
349
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,382
but not necessary.
350
00:12:47,383 --> 00:12:49,117
You already do so much for this family.
351
00:12:49,118 --> 00:12:52,821
Oh, well, I really don't do a lot,
352
00:12:52,822 --> 00:12:54,856
and I've been slacking off.
353
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,948
Yeah, it's okay. I... I do this.
354
00:12:56,949 --> 00:12:59,428
Yeah, super thoughtful,
but you know what?
355
00:12:59,429 --> 00:13:00,962
Here's the thing.
356
00:13:00,963 --> 00:13:03,782
Kai's a thoroughbred,
right, and we really need
357
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,634
an experienced jockey riding that horse.
358
00:13:05,635 --> 00:13:07,058
Yeah, but if I could just take a...
359
00:13:07,059 --> 00:13:09,871
Back off, Alba, okay? I'm doing my plan.
360
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,907
Hello? Ma'am?
361
00:13:11,908 --> 00:13:13,774
Just be grateful you get to listen.
362
00:13:16,179 --> 00:13:18,714
- Hello?
- Oh, hey, you.
363
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:19,815
Hey. I got your message.
364
00:13:19,816 --> 00:13:21,336
There's something wrong with your bed?
365
00:13:21,337 --> 00:13:22,511
Jumping right into it, huh?
366
00:13:22,512 --> 00:13:24,286
I like that. Want to have a drink first?
367
00:13:24,287 --> 00:13:27,789
Oh, no, I'm okay. You
know, booze and power tools.
368
00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:29,991
All right, I'll take yours.
369
00:13:29,992 --> 00:13:31,025
Oh.
370
00:13:34,497 --> 00:13:38,500
So, um, what seems to
be the problem over here?
371
00:13:38,501 --> 00:13:40,969
Oh, man, she's creaking
like a barn door.
372
00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:42,838
- Oh, yeah?
- Yep.
373
00:13:42,839 --> 00:13:45,140
Hmm, well, I guess I
could tighten a few screws,
374
00:13:45,141 --> 00:13:47,843
but it looks good to me.
375
00:13:47,844 --> 00:13:49,378
It looks good to me, too.
376
00:13:49,379 --> 00:13:53,747
Yeah, okay. Um, let's see.
377
00:13:55,284 --> 00:13:56,952
Yeah, you know, I'm still
not really hearing anything.
378
00:13:56,953 --> 00:13:58,520
You're not hearing it? Yeah.
379
00:13:58,521 --> 00:14:00,088
Oh, I think I know what the problem is.
380
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,692
Normally I'm, huh, on top of it
381
00:14:03,693 --> 00:14:05,794
when I'm hearing the
noises, you know what I mean?
382
00:14:05,795 --> 00:14:08,096
It's, kind of, like...
383
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:11,600
squeak... squeak... squeak, squeak.
384
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:12,834
You hearing it at all?
385
00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:15,036
Yeah, you know, I'm not hearing it.
386
00:14:15,037 --> 00:14:17,873
Oh, okay. Well, then I
guess let's just start over.
387
00:14:17,874 --> 00:14:19,508
We don't have to overthink it.
388
00:14:19,509 --> 00:14:21,710
Let's go under the bed and
we'll figure out sort of a...
389
00:14:21,711 --> 00:14:24,446
I just want to get out of this here.
390
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,848
You know what, maybe I should... okay.
391
00:14:26,849 --> 00:14:28,650
- Well, hold on. Hang on a second.
- Okay.
392
00:14:28,651 --> 00:14:30,834
I think if we... you just
gave me a second, we could...
393
00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:31,620
Oh!
394
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:33,388
My goodness, what a launch.
395
00:14:33,389 --> 00:14:36,658
Are you... are you leaving?
Leave. Get out of here.
396
00:14:36,659 --> 00:14:38,460
Get out of my room. Get out of my room
397
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,562
and do not come back.
398
00:14:40,563 --> 00:14:42,431
I could've closed the deal.
399
00:14:42,432 --> 00:14:44,366
Not now, Alba, okay? Not now.
400
00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:47,536
Oh, that bitch, if she wants
to get pregnant, fine, fine.
401
00:14:47,537 --> 00:14:50,005
We're going to help her get pregnant.
402
00:14:50,006 --> 00:14:51,405
Hmm?
403
00:14:58,247 --> 00:15:00,115
Hey, Steffi.
404
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,416
Hey, Chip.
405
00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:04,453
So, uh, did you take that math test?
406
00:15:04,454 --> 00:15:06,321
Oh, my God, it was so hard.
407
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,824
Right? It's like, are we in algebra or,
408
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,860
like, the freakin' space program?
409
00:15:11,861 --> 00:15:14,162
Like, "Earth to algebra,
nobody likes you."
410
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:18,266
So cool, cool... chill.
411
00:15:18,267 --> 00:15:21,069
Um, well, I just, like,
think you're really,
412
00:15:21,070 --> 00:15:22,904
really pretty and, like, super cool,
413
00:15:22,905 --> 00:15:24,568
and I like hanging
out with you and stuff.
414
00:15:24,569 --> 00:15:26,908
And, like, you're super
freakin' chill and, like,
415
00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:28,143
all that good stuff.
416
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:29,687
Chip, you don't have to be so nervous.
417
00:15:29,688 --> 00:15:30,579
You can just ask.
418
00:15:30,580 --> 00:15:33,548
Okay. Whew.
419
00:15:33,549 --> 00:15:37,118
Well, I was just wondering if I...
420
00:15:37,119 --> 00:15:39,446
I could pay you $500
to make out with me?
421
00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:40,222
What?
422
00:15:40,223 --> 00:15:42,123
Um, you're better than that. $1,000.
423
00:15:42,124 --> 00:15:44,064
- Oh!
- You jerk.
424
00:15:51,634 --> 00:15:56,071
Damn, Alba, how much ipecac
did you put in that smoothie?
425
00:15:56,072 --> 00:15:57,735
I'm just trying to
fake morning sickness,
426
00:15:57,736 --> 00:15:58,640
not blow her guts out.
427
00:15:58,641 --> 00:16:01,176
I'm sorry I'm not the
expert drugger like you.
428
00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:03,200
No, you're not. You guys
are lucky to have me here.
429
00:16:03,201 --> 00:16:05,847
Look what I got online, a
bunch of fake pregnancy tests.
430
00:16:05,848 --> 00:16:08,283
I replaced them with all
the ones under Poodle's sink.
431
00:16:08,284 --> 00:16:09,707
You hand a guy something like this,
432
00:16:09,708 --> 00:16:12,053
he just starts throwing cash
at you, no questions asked.
433
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,489
I like to call it the $600 shuffle.
434
00:16:14,490 --> 00:16:16,691
Yeah, now I just feel depressed.
435
00:16:16,692 --> 00:16:17,893
What are you two doing?
436
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,761
Oh, us? Nothing. We're... we're just,
437
00:16:19,762 --> 00:16:21,496
- you know, we're hanging out.
- Yeah.
438
00:16:21,497 --> 00:16:23,431
No, you're acting weird.
439
00:16:23,432 --> 00:16:24,733
No, we are not.
440
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,501
We are acting as regular as can be.
441
00:16:26,502 --> 00:16:27,502
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
442
00:16:27,503 --> 00:16:29,504
Yes, you are, and I know why.
443
00:16:29,505 --> 00:16:32,207
You don't want to tell me
that you hate my drawing.
444
00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:34,576
You think I don't have
control of the marker,
445
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:36,912
and this whole art thing
is a waste of my time.
446
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,780
Well, you don't have to tell
me because I already know.
447
00:16:41,684 --> 00:16:43,385
Whoa, what a dick.
448
00:16:43,386 --> 00:16:44,920
What's wrong with him?
449
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,384
I don't know. What's wrong with you?
450
00:16:46,385 --> 00:16:48,023
- You look horrible.
- Oh, yeah.
451
00:16:48,024 --> 00:16:49,727
Well, I've been sick
all day. I don't know.
452
00:16:49,728 --> 00:16:52,227
I think I got to stop drinking
on school nights, you know?
453
00:16:52,228 --> 00:16:56,164
- Or maybe you have a baby inside you.
- Oh, okay.
454
00:16:56,165 --> 00:16:58,266
Well, that's not possible
455
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,568
'cause she's using condoms, right?
456
00:16:59,569 --> 00:17:01,530
- Right. Yeah, of course.
- Yeah, I'm just saying,
457
00:17:01,531 --> 00:17:03,466
maybe you want to take
one of the pregnancy tests
458
00:17:03,467 --> 00:17:05,674
in Poodle's bathroom,
you know, just to be sure.
459
00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:08,009
She's got a good
point. It couldn't hurt.
460
00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:09,544
Well, I... I mean, I don't...
461
00:17:11,981 --> 00:17:13,181
Oh, uh-oh.
462
00:17:13,182 --> 00:17:14,382
- Oh, no.
- Get it out.
463
00:17:14,383 --> 00:17:17,452
- Oh, no, no.
- Eh.
464
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,055
She's a tiny person.
465
00:17:20,056 --> 00:17:21,856
Just a little drip,
you know what I mean?
466
00:17:24,093 --> 00:17:27,562
Hey, buddy, I'm glad you called.
467
00:17:27,563 --> 00:17:30,165
- I called Mickey.
- Yeah, well, I'm here.
468
00:17:30,166 --> 00:17:32,667
- What's the problem?
- You're the problem.
469
00:17:32,668 --> 00:17:34,970
I-I did what you said.
I played to my strengths,
470
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:37,839
and Steffi booted my
nuts into my throat.
471
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:41,076
Yeah. Well, don't worry,
they'll drop back down.
472
00:17:41,077 --> 00:17:43,144
- I freakin' hate girls.
- Hey, come on.
473
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:45,580
You're a young man.
This is just beginning.
474
00:17:45,581 --> 00:17:47,182
All right? And to tell you the truth,
475
00:17:47,183 --> 00:17:50,885
I miss the days girls were
blasting me in the junk.
476
00:17:50,886 --> 00:17:52,610
Are you the father?
477
00:17:52,611 --> 00:17:56,691
Uh... I am today.
478
00:17:56,692 --> 00:17:58,860
Well, his scans look okay.
479
00:17:58,861 --> 00:18:00,604
Hopefully the pain and
swelling will subside
480
00:18:00,605 --> 00:18:02,364
in the next few days, but if not,
481
00:18:02,365 --> 00:18:05,000
that could mean something more
serious, maybe even infertility.
482
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,801
What does... what does that mean?
483
00:18:06,802 --> 00:18:09,437
- Well, his...
- I...
484
00:18:09,438 --> 00:18:11,640
I think it means you got your wish.
485
00:18:11,641 --> 00:18:14,109
Congrats on your first vasectomy.
486
00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:15,312
Oh...
487
00:18:18,646 --> 00:18:21,052
And the more that I think about
it, it's not the worst thing
488
00:18:21,053 --> 00:18:22,972
I can't have kids... I can always adopt.
489
00:18:22,973 --> 00:18:24,306
I would not wish that on any
490
00:18:24,307 --> 00:18:25,674
abandoned child in the world.
491
00:18:25,675 --> 00:18:27,743
Psst, Mickey. She's coming.
492
00:18:27,744 --> 00:18:28,944
- Yeah?
- She's coming, she's coming.
493
00:18:28,945 --> 00:18:30,679
Okay, okay. Shh. Keep
a straight face, okay.
494
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,760
All right, play it cool.
We're going to make her look
495
00:18:32,761 --> 00:18:33,713
like a real scumbag.
496
00:18:33,714 --> 00:18:36,018
- She is going to freak.
- Yeah.
497
00:18:36,019 --> 00:18:38,888
- Hi, everybody.
- Hey.
498
00:18:38,889 --> 00:18:41,590
Uh, so, Kai and I, we have some news.
499
00:18:41,591 --> 00:18:43,774
What? What is this news? I
don't know what it could be.
500
00:18:43,775 --> 00:18:45,194
Okay, what is the news?
501
00:18:45,195 --> 00:18:47,997
I don't really know how to
say this, so I'm just gonna...
502
00:18:47,998 --> 00:18:50,633
- put it out there.
- Go for it.
503
00:18:50,634 --> 00:18:51,634
I'm pregnant.
504
00:18:52,736 --> 00:18:54,637
There we go. The first dilution
505
00:18:54,638 --> 00:18:56,038
of the Pemberton bloodline.
506
00:18:56,039 --> 00:18:57,406
Well, this is shocking.
507
00:18:57,407 --> 00:18:59,141
I had zero ideas about this.
508
00:18:59,142 --> 00:19:01,610
Who would ever know this
to be true? Shame, shame.
509
00:19:01,611 --> 00:19:04,246
As you can see, we are shocked, okay,
510
00:19:04,247 --> 00:19:06,682
and you are a moron, Sabrina.
511
00:19:06,683 --> 00:19:09,018
How could you do this? I told
you this was going to happen.
512
00:19:09,019 --> 00:19:13,455
You were right. I'm a big stupid idiot.
513
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,424
My whole life is ruined.
514
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,143
What did you do to our
little girl, you son of...?
515
00:19:19,144 --> 00:19:20,896
No, no, no, no, no,
no. Stop it. No, no, no.
516
00:19:20,897 --> 00:19:23,432
It's a... sorry. You guys, I'm sorry.
517
00:19:23,433 --> 00:19:25,167
This is a big misunderstanding.
518
00:19:25,168 --> 00:19:28,604
Ma'am, ma'am, with all
due respect, I got this.
519
00:19:28,605 --> 00:19:31,907
Babe, babe, look at me, okay.
Listen to me, I love you.
520
00:19:31,908 --> 00:19:33,542
And we're going to have a baby.
521
00:19:33,543 --> 00:19:36,478
- Yeah, well, that's the thing.
- Ma'am!
522
00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:38,681
How cool is that? Hmm?
523
00:19:38,682 --> 00:19:42,685
I get to build him a
crib and a rocking horse,
524
00:19:42,686 --> 00:19:44,552
and a whole friggin'
house to put it all in.
525
00:19:45,989 --> 00:19:48,490
I mean...
526
00:19:48,491 --> 00:19:51,226
you know what?
527
00:19:51,227 --> 00:19:52,595
Screw it.
528
00:19:52,596 --> 00:19:56,365
- What the hell is happening?
- Ma'am!
529
00:19:56,366 --> 00:19:57,866
Sabrina Pemberton,
530
00:19:57,867 --> 00:20:00,135
- I love you.
- Mm...
531
00:20:00,136 --> 00:20:01,136
Will you marry me, baby?
532
00:20:01,137 --> 00:20:03,606
Yes, I will marry you.
533
00:20:03,607 --> 00:20:05,808
Okay, great. Yeah, that's
the thing I was going to say
534
00:20:05,809 --> 00:20:07,643
is that she's not pregnant.
535
00:20:07,644 --> 00:20:09,044
- That's good.
- What?
536
00:20:09,045 --> 00:20:10,668
She's not pregnant. You're not pregnant.
537
00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:13,048
- What do you mean?
- Alba and I...
538
00:20:13,049 --> 00:20:18,520
Well, we wanted to teach you
a lesson, you know, so we...
539
00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:22,191
So I-I hope you learned.
540
00:20:22,192 --> 00:20:24,526
I can't... it's gone
off the rails a bit.
541
00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:25,527
I'm not really sure...
542
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:30,065
Okay. Well, thank you.
543
00:20:30,066 --> 00:20:33,202
Yes, you're welcome.
544
00:20:33,203 --> 00:20:34,629
Wait, for what?
545
00:20:34,630 --> 00:20:36,813
Well, if you didn't do that,
I never would've found out
546
00:20:36,814 --> 00:20:39,575
what an amazing man Kai is.
547
00:20:39,576 --> 00:20:41,239
Oh, my God, do you
still want to marry me?
548
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,611
- What?
- More than anything.
549
00:20:42,612 --> 00:20:44,380
- No.
- No baby, fake baby.
550
00:20:44,381 --> 00:20:45,848
Yeah, that's the same thing, though.
551
00:20:45,849 --> 00:20:47,552
You hear that? It's
kind of the same thing.
552
00:20:47,553 --> 00:20:49,018
♪ Sabrina's getting married ♪
553
00:20:49,019 --> 00:20:51,654
Wait...
554
00:20:51,655 --> 00:20:56,125
Sabrina's getting married?
555
00:20:56,126 --> 00:20:57,909
Okay, what the hell's
going on with this one?
556
00:20:57,910 --> 00:21:03,365
Huh? I'm happy and sad...
557
00:21:03,366 --> 00:21:05,167
and mad.
558
00:21:05,168 --> 00:21:07,569
Come on, Ben, what's
going on with you, buddy?
559
00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:10,339
I'm just a big, fat, no-talent loser.
560
00:21:10,340 --> 00:21:13,575
Even your magic pills couldn't help.
561
00:21:13,576 --> 00:21:16,260
- What magic pills?
- The ones in your purse.
562
00:21:16,261 --> 00:21:20,040
I filled it with other pills
so I wouldn't get in trouble.
563
00:21:20,041 --> 00:21:22,237
Are you talking about my birth control?
564
00:21:22,238 --> 00:21:26,290
That's not good, because
Jimmy and I have been... a lot.
565
00:21:26,291 --> 00:21:28,978
- Uh...
- I'm gonna be a dad.
566
00:21:28,979 --> 00:21:31,659
- No, no, no.
- I'm gonna be a da...40292
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof