Original subtitles

[snoring]

[coughs]

-[gasps] What happened? Who died? -Who died?

-Did Patrick die? -No, Patrick didn't die, David.

Then why did you startle me awake like this?

My mind went straight to some kind of unthinkable tragedy.

Like something really, really bad happened.

-Oh. Imagine. -[laughing]

Well, the day did have a slight singultus.

-What is she talking about? -A hiccup.

What hiccup? Who's hiccuping?

Okay, David, shush for a minute.

There was a big storm last night.

And things got a bit wet.

-How wet? -We've been looking into changing venues.

Oh, my God. To where? Bob's Garage?

No, his roof was no match for the cumulus clouds.

I've woken up in a Black Mirror episode.

This might be a stupid question

because there is, like, literally nothing you can do about it,

but why didn't you guys get a tent?

Not helping, Alexis.

Because I wanted the wood-fired pizza oven and we couldn't afford both.

Someone has to call the officiant. He's on his way from Elmdale.

What happened to Fabian?

He canceled because of the rain.

What kind of adult man rides a penny-farthing?

He's a haikuist!

Well, David, I-- I could easily step in here.

I have a lot to say about...

[voice breaking] my son getting married--

Okay.

You can barely get through this without crying, so that's a no.

A note, I did bring down the house at Pat Sajak's first wedding.

-[Johnny] Oh, I remember that. -Oh, my God.

-"Can I buy a vow?" -[laughter]

I had the studio audience wrapped around my finger.

Well, there's one problem solved. So let's leave the rest to me, okay?

We have money now, and the last thing I want

is to leave town with some cheap-ass, soggy wedding.

-Mm-hmm. -Okay.

What if the sun comes out and everything's fine?

[thunder rumbles]

Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

-Yep. -Mm-hmm.

Where are you going?

-[Moira] Somewhere safe. -[thunder rumbling]

[theme music playing]

Okay. We should've gotten a tent.

-I didn't need pizza that badly. -Wow, let's not get crazy.

No, we should have gotten married indoors.

You said indoor weddings are tacky.

No, I said most weddings are tacky, and they often take place indoors.

Hm. David... we all know how much the success of this wedding means to you.

So we are going to make the absolute best of today, okay?

And regardless of how that happens or where that happens,

at the end of the day,

I am going to kiss that worried-looking face of yours

and call you my husband.

And that's the only thing that matters.

Okay, I just refuse to get married in Roland's living room.

I have to draw the line somewhere.

Okay. Okay.

Besides, those carpets do not photograph well.

All right, I am heading to the motel to sort all this out with your dad.

In the meantime,

I have arranged for a massage to chill you out a little bit.

So you can just lie down, relax and not talk

until we have a plan, all right?

How did you book a massage so last-minute?

Oh, no, all this was planned weeks ago.

Just had a hunch you wouldn't handle stress well today.

Okay, I've been handling the stress just fine.

You had, like, three bagels in half an hour.

They were a mistake.

It's all taken care of, and I've told them we need you calm today.

So just let them do their job. Okay?

Okay. I just feel like I need to be around for--

Goodbye, David.

Don't neglect the lighting.

Okay. Love you, too.

-Love you. Thanks. -[door opens and shuts]

[thunder rumbling]

"Hello, you.

Are-- are we all ready to spin the wheel of life today?"

[sighs] Even Vanna White didn't laugh at that one.

Oh.

Alexis, have I ever told you how bewitching you are?

It's a compliment.

No. I know. I'm sorry.

I'm just feeling, like, a little emotional today.

Is it David? Did he say something to upset you?

He can be very cruel, but it's all fear-based, dear.

So please don't take it personally.

No, I just realized that this is, like, the last time

-that we're all gonna be here... -No.

-...like this. -Stop.

Like, soon I won't be able to just, like, come in here and say hey.

No, I think you'll be surprised at how quickly

you'll appreciate the luxury of privacy.

I remember there was, like, a whole year that we didn't even see each other.

That's not true.

Unless it was the year I booked that international campaign

for Looky-Loo Binoculars.

I'm just saying...

a part of me feels like...

I'm almost glad that we lost the money.

[chuckles]

Well, I'm happy you and your feelings are so well-acquainted.

But you wouldn't be the first hostage to fall in love with their captor.

I love you very much.

[exhales]

Okay. Okay.

And I'm here if you need any help with your speech.

No, I'm good, but thank you. [laughs]

Thank you. I needed a moment of levity today.

-Boop. -Oh.

[chuckles] Whoo!

[sighs]

Okay. [slurps]

[calming music]

[inhales deeply]

Either you're very good at this, or the half pill I just took kicked in,

or both, because I am feeling very calm right now.

Well, that's good,

because your neck is like a block of granite.

-Okay. Are we sure that's not just muscle? -Yes.

All right, you answered that too quickly.

-Relax. -Mm-hmm.

-Take a deep inhale. -[inhales]

And a big exhale.

-[exhales] -Good.

Now do that consistently for the rest of this massage.

Okay.

-Can I have you flip on your back? -Sure.

[exhales]

-Deep inhale. -[inhales]

-Deep breath out. -[exhales]

Ooh.

Okay, team, we only have a few hours, so we need to act fast.

It's raining. What's the plan?

Okay. Well, Roland, you've got some pull here.

We need a venue, and don't say--

Our living room is yours, Johnny.

And we still have some baby sprinkle decorations gathering dust.

Oh, as David's maid of honor, I'm gonna shut that down on his behalf.

Ray, you don't need to be documenting this.

[chuckles] I was told to capture the day.

Ray, I don't think this is a part of the day

that anybody is gonna wanna remember.

Can you say that again for the camera?

I know the florist.

I can see if she can throw in some extra flowers.

Ronnie, you don't seem to realize we don't have the time.

Johnny, when I say I know the florist, I mean, I know the florist.

-Yes! Ronnie! That's great! -Oh.

-Thank you so much. -I'm doing this for David.

Of course you are.

I can free up the café between the lunch and dinner rush.

Yeah, I guess we could use the garage for parking.

We just have to keep a space clear in case Gwen comes back.

Well, thanks, Bob, but it's really hard to talk parking

when we don't even know where we're holding the thing.

Well, the closest place to there would be the Town Hall.

What about the Town Hall, Johnny?

I mean, David's gonna have a heart attack, but it... it could work.

[slurps]

[door opens]

Okay, David. We've managed to secure a venue for tonight,

and I really don't want to hear anything but enthusiasm from you

when I tell you.

You are shockingly calm for David Rose on his wedding day.

I am.

So, where are we getting married? An indoor parking garage?

Those were all full.

We, uh, we managed to get the Town Hall for the night.

And-- and it's dry, and everybody is chipping in,

and your dad has promised me that he has everything under control.

-Okay. Fine. -Are you okay?

I mean, listen, just because I didn't have the Town Hall on my mood board

doesn't mean we still can't have fun.

And as long as my husband doesn't stand me up at the altar,

I don't care where we get married.

-[chuckles] -Wow.

That massage really did a number, huh?

Uh, yeah. That was the first time I have ever received a happy ending.

Sorry, what did you just say?

The happy ending that the masseur gave me.

I've always heard about things like that, but I've never actually gotten one.

Did you have to pay extra for that?

[gasps]

I didn't pay for a happy ending! I paid for a massage!

He gave you a happy ending? On our wedding day?

I thought you wanted that!

See, this is what Ray should be filming.

Why would I want you to get a happy ending from a stranger on our wedding day, David?

You tell me!

Because I was stressed out

and you told me you wanted to de-stress me.

I just assumed you knew what you were paying for!

I was both shocked and impressed.

Oh...

Okay, but to be clear, you didn't stop it from happening?

Okay, Marcia Clark? Court's adjourned for the day.

This is unbelievable.

At no point was that ever discussed.

All I did was leave an envelope full of cash

and a note that said to take very good care of you.

And now that I've said those words out loud,

I can see how a certain kind of person would interpret that the wrong way.

Okay, but was it good, at least?

Do not answer that. Was it? Don't.

Okay.

I think Stevie and I should probably go get ready.

Leave you to put your little suit on.

-Mm-hmm. -Okay?

Nothing compares to you,

my husband-to-be.

I love you.

This is gonna make for a very strange story one day.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Okay. We will meet you at Town Hall.

-Mm-hmm. -Okay?

[mouths] Oh, my God.

[thunder rumbles]

Um, everybody, I'd like to thank you all for coming out today

and, uh, helping to save David and Patrick's big day.

And on a personal note, I'd like to thank you all

for helping to save my family over these past few years.

I don't think we could have gotten through without you all--

Jocelyn, I thought Ronnie's in charge of the flowers.

Well, yeah, but you can never have enough. And you said to spare no expense, so...

I did. I didn't think we'd be taking it quite so literally.

I mean, I think we've gotta rein this in a bit.

Oh, Johnny, come on. Just enjoy it, okay?

You're gonna be gone soon. You're gonna miss this place.

I will be back, Roland. My son still lives here.

No, I know there is that, but you are gonna be "gone" gone soon.

Something can fall from the ceiling and just go, "Boom! I'm dead!"

-Okay. -[laughs]

-Not me, though. I'm prepared. -All right.

Okay, everybody, back to work!

-[Alexis] David, is that you? -Yeah.

[gasps] Oh, my God! You're getting married today!

I am. And according to the wedding schedule,

you're supposed to be dressed and ready to greet me.

Greet you?

What is that?

Thank you, David. You look very expensive and gorgeous too.

It's-- it's white. You're wearing a white dress.

Duh. It's black-and-white themed. What was I supposed to show up in, pink?

Or black!

You're wearing a wedding dress to my wedding!

This is not a wedding dress. It's a white floor-length gown.

-It's very different. -Did it come with a veil?

-No. It came with a headdress. -A what?

It came with, like, a white tulle headdress,

but I thought it overwhelmed the dress so I decided not to wear it.

You're walking me down the aisle in a wedding dress.

Everyone's gonna think we're getting married to each other.

[knock on door]

Ugh! Come in.

-You look nice. -Thank you.

Now, Stevie, as my maid of honor,

does it not look like Alexis is wearing a wedding dress?

Or just, like, a dress that happens to be white.

I don't wanna get involved.

You don't have a choice. You work for me today.

So much for the massage.

I mean, I don't think it's gonna look like a wedding dress

unless you guys are standing next to each other.

She's walking me down the aisle!

I don't think you should worry about it.

I'm sure this town has seen far weirder things.

Okay. Everybody chill.

My brother is getting married today--

[scoffs] still feels so weird to say that--

so drink up, David.

It's your big day. And we love you.

-Right, Stevie? -Right.

Hm.

-Is that a bow in the back? -Don't, David.

[birds chirp, violins play]

[violins play final chords]

-♪ Ooh ♪ -♪ I was so lost ♪

♪ Didn't know what to do with myself ♪

♪ I was my own worst enemy ♪

♪ I was the last to know I needed help ♪

♪ Then you came along ♪

♪ And saw the state I was in ♪

♪ You picked me up when I was down ♪

♪ Showed me how to live again ♪

♪ This is precious love, precious love ♪

♪ No, I can't let it go ♪

♪ This is precious love And it's teaching me ♪

♪ Everything I need to know ♪

♪ This is love, love ♪

♪ Love, love, love ♪

♪ Precious love ♪

♪ Yes, love, love, love, love ♪

♪ Love, precious love ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

Okay, can you please stop doing that?

-You're making me nervous. -I'm sorry.

I've just like-- I've been thinking a lot about it,

and I think you're right.

I know. About what?

-Like I think I'm wearing a wedding dress. -Oh, I know that.

I really wanted to impress you today.

And now I feel like I'm ruining your wedding.

I think you're giving yourself a lot of credit.

My wedding was already ruined.

But for what it's worth...

I am continuously impressed by you.

Now can you please walk me down the aisle before people lose interest?

Hey, David... it would be my honor.

Okay. [clears throat]

[exhales]

-Hey, I love you. -Mm.

♪ Take my heart and make it stronger ♪

[exhales]

♪ You're simply the best ♪

♪ Oh, ooh, oh ♪

♪ Better than all the rest ♪

♪ Oh, ooh, oh ♪

♪ Better than anyone ♪

♪ Oh, ooh, oh ♪

♪ Anyone I ever met ♪

Is it me, or do they look like husband and wife?

♪ I'm stuck on your heart ♪

Kind of.

♪ I hang on every word you say ♪

♪ Oh, ooh, oh ♪

♪ Tear us apart ♪

♪ Oh, ooh, oh ♪

♪ Baby, I would rather be dead ♪

♪ You're simply the best ♪

[choir vocalizing]

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ You're simply the best ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

[sniffles]

[voice breaking] Good--

Good evening, everyone.

Welcome to the marriage of Patrick Brewer and David--

David Rose.

We are gathered here today to celebrate the love between two people

whose lives were ostensibly brought together

by the fated flap of a butterfly wing.

It is all but impossible to explain why things happen the way they do.

Our lives are like little bébé crows, carried upon a curious wind.

And all we can wish, for our families, for those we love,

is that that wind will eventually place us on solid ground.

And I believe it's done just that for my family

here in this little town in the middle of nowhere.

Okay. I think we're good.

Okay.

And now I will ask David Rose and Patrick...

-Brewer. -Brewer.

...to exchange their vows.

David...

[exhales] I can't believe this is happening.

I'm gonna keep this very short because I think you already know

that I would climb a thousand mountains for you.

So I'll just say this...

you will always be a part of me.

♪ And I'm part of you indefinitely ♪

♪ Boy, don't you know You can't escape me ♪

♪ 'Cause you know You'll always be my baby ♪

♪ And we'll linger on ♪

♪ Time can't erase a feeling this strong ♪

♪ No way, you're never gonna shake me ♪

♪ Ooh, darling 'Cause you'll always be my baby ♪

-[sniffles] -David?

Ugh, yes.

[David clears throat]

Patrick...

I've never liked a smile as much as I like yours.

I've never felt as safe as I do when I'm with you.

[crying]

I've never known love like I have when we're together.

It's not been an easy road for me,

but knowing that you will always be there for me at the end of it

makes everything okay.

Patrick Brewer,

you are my happy ending.

[chuckles]

Patrick,

do you take David to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

[voice breaks] And, David...

David, do you take Patrick to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

I now pronounce you husband and husband.

[sobs] You may kiss each other.

[cheering]

[mouths] I love you.

[whistling]

[applause]

[sighs]

Well, you did such a great job, sweetheart.

I don't know how you do it.

Oh, someone has to hold it together.

There's a time and place for sentimentality,

and your only son's wedding day is hardly the moment. [sobs]

Moira!

[Moira] It's 6:00 a.m., John. I'm moving as fast as I can.

Hmm.

Well, I guess this is it.

You know, after our goodbyes last night, Roland mentioned a going-away gift.

I guess he forgot.

I personally would not have missed this for the whole wide world.

Okay, you're only saying that 'cause you haven't gone to bed yet.

I'm going to miss you, Mr. and Mrs. Rose.

-Oh. -Thank you, Stevie. That's awfully sweet.

Yes, just as sweet as the liqueur wafting off your breath.

[chuckles] I also didn't go to bed last night.

You take care of the place, Stevie.

And, uh, if you get the chance, Room 7 needs a turndown.

Okay.

Well, safe travels, Mr. and Mrs. Rose.

David and I can't wait to host you at our place

when you come back to visit.

Oh, thank you, Patrick.

Oh, the couriers are coming for the bulk of the luggage.

-Yeah, today. -This afternoon.

Okay. Make sure the girls are shipped in a...

[both] Temperature-controlled cargo container. Uh-huh.

Okay. Bye, kids.

Okay. Bye.

I love you!

Love you.

-Okay. -Love you!

-Bye, son. -I'll see you soon.

I'm so proud of us. I'm so proud.

-Bye, honey. -Bye, Dad.

-I love you! -I love you too.

[engine starts]

[Moira] We love you!

[sniffling, crying]

Love you.

[Johnny] Wait! Stop the car!

What is it?

Just wanted one last look.

Driver, we're ready.

♪ The warmth of your love's Like the warmth from the sun ♪

♪ And this will be our year Took a long time to come ♪

♪ Don't let go of my hand Now darkness has gone ♪

♪ This will be our year Took a long time to come ♪

♪ And I won't forget ♪

♪ The way you helped me up When I was down ♪

♪ And I won't forget the way you said Darling, I love you ♪

♪ You gave me faith to go on Now we're there ♪

♪ And we've only just begun ♪