All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S06E13.WEB-DL.NF.en

Oh, Bev, I'm sorry I missed you,
but I'm so happy I got your voice mail.

Wondering when you might be get-at-able

for a little red biddy,
little backchat? Hm?

Oh, and we're moving to New York.
Just thought it was time. Ciao.

Don't tell me you're having lunch
with Bev after all this.

Imagine!
No, I amputated those people years ago.

But Bev and her big bazoo
will get the word out

quicker than any group memorandum.

Well, that's a relief.

Kids! Breakfast is served.

I already ate. Oh.

-I don't see any breakfast.
-Mimosas! We're celebrating!

Ruth sent over a bottle of champagne.

So there's no food, then?

Would you look at this family?

Alexis, pursuing a career in PR.

-Hm.
-David, expanding his business.

Hm.

Moira, I have no doubt
Broadway will be calling,

or maybe a pledge drive on PBS.

[chuckles] Oh, you are sweet.

I say we do something as a family tonight.

Maybe cook a little something?

-Ooh.
-No. I don't think that's a good idea.

-Absolutely not.
-I mean, look around, family.

This won't be our home
for too much longer.

So let's celebrate.

-Picture.
-Hm.

Let's raise those glasses.

David, you don't have to look
quite so morose.

You're with your family.

-[chuckles]
-[camera clicks]

Ah, now that's a framer. [laughs]

-[crumpling sound on phone]
-You just deleted it.

-What's that?
-[disappointed groans]

[theme music playing]

[sighs] Is it just me, John,
or does the air not have

-a particularly lovely redolence today?
-Oh.

Do I detect a scintilla of lavender?

Isn't it funny how the air
suddenly smells sweeter

now that you know we're leaving?

Still doesn't feel real.

[loud honk]

Roland, you bought a new truck?

Well, Johnny,
if you wanna be an executive,

you gotta drive like an executive.

It might be a bit premature
spending all this money.

Well, what's the point
of having a regular paycheck

if you can't have a little fun
with it, right?

I went to the spa.

Had a pedicure and a blowout
at the same time. [laughs]

I'm surprised
I didn't see you there, Moira,

celebrating your big Sunrise Bay news.

-And what would that communiqué entail?
-The reboot!

Don't tell me I'm the first person
to congratulate you!

So it's a go. Um, no, uh, unfortunately,

I won't be participating
in that little vanity project.

Best to keep one's gaze on the horizon,
not the posterior view.

-Sure.
-Oh, honey, I think we better get going.

I gotta get the truck
back to the dealership.

I told the salesman
I was just taking it around the block.

But then I thought
maybe some cinnamon buns

might just buy us a sun roof.

-[laughing]
-Bye.

Here, honey, you hold the buns.

I thought they might have at least called
to say they were moving on.

[sighs]

Big things are coming your way,
sweetheart.

-Don't you worry.
-Okay.

I don't. Worry is but
undernourished enthusiasm.

Hello.

Something's different.

Your... hair.

Is in a ponytail because I didn't wash it.

Oh. Okay. It just sort of looks like
since you got the deal,

you've decided to dress
more professionally.

Can I help you with something
in particular, or...

Uh, actually, yes.

-I need your advice.
-Hm.

What says, "Patrick,
you're gonna love New York" more:

a gift card to Joe's Pizza
or tickets to Wicked?

You're taking Patrick
on a trip to New York?

Uh, no. We're moving there
with all of you!

What, do you think
we're gonna stay here by ourselves?

I'm not moving to New York, David.

What?

We decided that Roland and I
would stay here.

And I'm gonna travel around
and set up all the new motels.

I mean, I realized
I didn't need to live in a big city.

I guess I just needed
to know that I could.

Mm-hmm.

So I take it you didn't like the house?

-What house?
-What?

What house?

Patrick may have been looking
at a house for the two of you.

He didn't say anything about that?

Uh, no. Like-- like, to buy?

He said that you guys
had driven by it a bunch of times.

That house is for sale?

No. I don't know. I--

Can we stop talking about this?
I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

So you're finally getting out.

Yeah. Um...

I should probably go talk to my husband.

Okay.

[bell jingles over door]

[radio plays]

Oh, Alexis, garbage day is the same
for the whole street.

You didn't need to bring your garbage
all the way here.

Um, I brought my garbage here
for a reason.

I thought you might like
to wear some of it.

What?

As you know, David and I are sharing
an apartment in New York,

so I'm, like, downsizing a little bit.

I can't take all of this, Alexis.

Maybe we could do another swap?

Or-- or why don't I just go through it
and pay for the ones I wanna keep?

No, Twy, I can't take your money.
I've seen how people tip here.

Alexis, between us,
I don't do this job for the money.

Okay, well,
if you don't do this for money,

I'm scared to know
what you do do for money.

Okay, now that you're leaving,

can you keep a secret?

Depends on how dark it's gonna get,
but yes.

I won some money in the lottery
a few years ago.

-Oh, my God, Twy! Go you!
-[chuckles]

Why did you not tell me this before?

Well, because you guys
had just gotten here,

and-- and you had just lost
all your money.

Well, what was I gonna say?
I just won $92 million?

You won $92 million?

-Oh, no. Sorry.
-Okay.

Okay, 'cause I was, like,
literally about to pass out.

Yeah. No, no. I split the $92 million
with another guy.

So you won, like...

-So much money.
-Shh. I just--

I just don't want anyone to know.

It changes things.

Twy, what are you doing here?
You could be anywhere, doing anything.

I have everything I need right here.

And if I've learned anything

from how my mom spent
the money I gave her,

it's that money can buy
a lot of snowmobiles,

but it can't buy happiness.

So it's about how you live your life.

You know, doing what makes you smile.

And being here,
getting to hear your stories

over the past few years,
even the scary ones...

that makes me smile.

Twy...

you might be the best person I know,

but as someone who's had a lot of money
and then not had it

and now is, like, still pretty poor,
but somewhat okay,

every now and again,

spending, like, a little bit of money
on something really special,

it might not buy you happiness,
but it can definitely help make you smile.

[chuckles]

This cute dress makes me smile.

-Mm.
-[Twyla laughs]

Not quite sure how that one got in there.

But anything else in there
is yours if you want it.

[bag rustles]

[gasps] Oh!

There you go.

John, considering I'll have some time
to fritter once we're there,

do you think you might want
to put me to work?

Well, I didn't know
that would be of interest to you, Moira.

But I'll see if I can get you something.

Remember when you were
the Rose Video spokesperson that one year?

How could I not?

Oh, that photo of me sunbathing
atop a giant VHS tape

was a staple of Times Square
for a whole season.

-[chuckles]
-What do you have there?

-Well, I don't know. It's for you.
-Oh.

Oh, it's from Tippy.

"Dear Moira. You win.
Welcome back to the Bay."

John, it's a... tennis bracelet.

-What tennis bracelet?
-My tennis bracelet.

[phone rings]

It's Tippy.

-[beeps]
-Tippy.

Yes, I just received it.

Please tell me
this is not some barbarous jape.

Yes. Yes.

My answer is a yes!

A clangorous, vociferous yes.

Thank you. Thank you.

What's all that about?

Sunrise Bay.

Wow. When forced to choose
between Clifton and myself,

they decided mine was the bigger name.

-What?
-Yeah.

So it's happening?

-Yes. Oh, John.
-[laughing]

Thirteen-episode order.

They've already sent through two scripts,
and I have to start in two weeks!

[laughing]

Okay, what is everybody screaming about?

Sunrise Bay. It's happening.
They've accepted my demands.

All of them?

-Even the bracelet?
-Even the bracelet.

And you're giving it to me?

No, there are 30 diamonds on that thing.

Our offices will be in New York.

Sounds like we're in for a tricky commute.

We'll just work it out, John.

[laughing]

-[squeals]
-[laughing]

-Hi.
-Hey.

What are you doin'?

[sighs] I'm just trying to write my vows.

Oh.

Well, if you need
some flattering things to say about me,

I'd be more than happy to help.

-I'm good. Thanks.
-Hm.

Why didn't you tell me about the house?

I, um...

I was gonna wait
until after the wedding to tell you.

Hm.

'Cause I know how flustered you can get

when there's more than one thing
on your plate.

Hm. Unless it's food.

[chuckles]

Yeah, and then New York happened and...

I don't know,
it just seemed kinda pointless.

Mm-hmm.

When did that house even go up for sale?

Well, technically, it didn't,

but after the fourth time
that we drove by it

and you commented that it reminded you

of Kate Winslet's cottage
from The Holiday,

I just knocked on the door
and asked them to call me

if they ever decided to sell.

Turns out their daughters
are off to college,

and they're moving to Florida.

So that's why
you were so reluctant to move.

It's just hard to picture living someplace
you've never even visited.

And I always thought
you didn't like New York.

Um, no, I love New York. [scoffs]

It was just a weird time in my life.

But I don't want you moving somewhere
that you're not excited about.

-I'm excited to be with you.
-[exhales]

And there are some pros to being there.

I mean, it would open the business up
to a much larger market.

I'd finally get to see a game
at Yankee Stadium.

Yeah, and by then
you'll have met some people

that would go and do that with you.

It's gonna be a tough goodbye.

Hm.

This is where
we started our life together.

[sighs]

Yeah.

[chattering]

[laughs] Why have I not been told about
the double-decker sightseeing tour?

[all laughing]

Well, we wanted to show our support
for your move to the Big Apple.

Yeah, we heard that Sunrise Bay

was moving on without you,
but who needs them?

-Well, you know--
-I say, fuck 'em.

-Veronica!
-No, she's right, Moira.

They'd be lucky to have you
on their two-bit show.

Yeah, and reboots
are never as good as the original.

Well, aren't you a wolf pack

by which any gal
would be so lucky to be protected.

[chuckling]

But it's time for this pup
to disperse to new territory.

Sunrise Bay called
with an irresistible offer.

That's great, Mrs. Rose.
I mean, who doesn't love a reboot?

-[weak laughs]
-So what does this mean?

Alas, as much as it pains to say,

this will mark my last rehearsal
with you all.

-Oh, my goodness.
-Oh, thanks for the heads-up.

Camera waits for no one.

Wow. Moira...

I'm not as prepared for this
as I thought I would be.

[sniffling]

-Veronica.
-Hm.

I suppose you have something in your eye?

No. I just-- [sniffles]
I just don't like surprises.

We should-- we should get started.

-[woman] Yeah.
-[Ronnie exhales]

May-- may I just proclaim
that I have rarely-- never--

I've never felt more buttressed
than I have in your company, dear gals.

Not to flog a metaphor,
but wolf pups are born blind and deaf,

and in your care, I have learned
to see and hear the beauty in the bucolic.

-[laughing] Oh!
-What's this? What?

Oh, no. No. Let's not turn this
into a Hallmark movie of the week.

I've done enough of those
for a lifetime. Okay?

Maybe just a quick one.

-Yay!
-[sad laughter]

-[knock on door]
-Come in.

Hey, Twy! Is everything okay?
Did I forget to pay for brunch again?

Oh, no. You remembered. Today.

-Okay.
-Anyway, um...

I wanted to come and tell you that

what you said to me this morning
really resonated.

Twy! That means so much.

Um... Um, what part of what I said,
specifically?

Oh. That I shouldn't be afraid
to spend money

on things that are special to me.

-Mm-hmm.
-So...

-I bought the café.
-What?

I called the owners
and told them to name their price.

Okay, I was talking more like a spa day
or like a cute little anklet or something.

It's something that will make me smile.

Twyla's Café Tropical.

It's got a nice ring to it, right?

Yeah. Or like "Twyla's Café."

Yeah, I don't think so.

-Twy, I'm so happy for you.
-Oh.

You deserve it.

Thank you, Alexis.

And you deserve this.

Oh, my God. Twy.

It's for all your dresses.
Most of them fit.

And whatever doesn't,
I'll just give to my mom.

Okay. That's so sweet,

but those dresses
would never sell for this much,

like not even in retail.

Consider it a goodbye present.

A little something
to help you start your new life.

[exhales]

Maybe even enough
to get you your own place.

You're gonna do great things, Alexis.

No, I know.

But I can't accept this.

Even though I know I'm gonna regret it
in, like, a minute.

I think that if I'm gonna do this
on my own,

I need to do this on my own.

I respect that.

-Oh.
-[awkward laugh]

Hey, I don't mean to tell you
how to spend your money,

but maybe you could use some of it
to come visit me?

I'd like that.

Boop.

Hey, Twy...

like, cute dress.

Thanks. My friend gave it to me.

[door shuts]

Hm.

[birds chirp]

-David?
-Hm?

This might seem like
a really stupid question, but, um...

why are we here?

Because I felt like I owed it to Patrick
to at least see the place

where he wanted us
to spend the rest of our lives.

And?

And it's way too small
for the rest of our lives, but it's cute.

Okay, so we just drove here
to look at a place

that you don't plan on living in?

Correct.

[sighs]

How many years have I known you,

and I still can't figure out
what goes on inside your head.

Join the club.

That was a joke, in case it didn't land.

Mm. [chuckles, sniffles]

No, I was just thinking about
how Patrick must have driven out here

and knocked on that door

and asked those people to call him
if they ever planned on selling

just because I...

I said it was nice.

Who does that?

Good people.

Good people do things like that.

[sighs] Hence the reason
why we don't understand it.

Mm-hmm.

Can I ask you a question?

Yes.

What is it about New York?

I have big dreams.

And you can't have those dreams here?

And some friends left there. [sniffles]

The "friends" who you invited
to the wedding?

To name a few, yes.

David, they're not coming.

Apparently there was
an electronic music festival

in Norway that took priority.

Why do you wanna go back to a place that's
done nothing but hurt your feelings?

Because I want those people
to know that I'm not a joke.

And that I've won.

David, look at this place.

You've won.

And on a personal note,
I don't want you to leave me here, okay?

[sniffling]

Uh...

Did you put on deodorant today? [sniffles]

-Excuse me?
-I know, it might be the farm.

-It's the farm.
-Okay.

-Ugh!
-I smelled something.

-It's not me!
-All right!

-We're leaving!
-Relax.

[crickets chirp]

Kids, food's here.

Mm!

Wait. One pizza? What is this, Les Mis?

Yes, it's a dignified
family symposium, David.

Not some all-one-can-consume smorgasbord.

-Don't be an animal, son.
-David! Ugh.

-Ugh!
-Ugh.

Okay. So what are the plans for tonight?

Because I might be meeting Twy
for a drink.

Well, I thought we'd all stay in tonight
and enjoy the pizza and play charades.

Charades.
I'm going to have to gracefully bow out.

I don't think
you can afford my quote anymore.

[Johnny and Moira laugh]

Just saying it out loud makes it so real.

Well, I suppose I should let you both know

that there's been
a slight change of plans.

As you've heard,
your mother is going back to work.

And we'll be heading to California.

Now, I've made some calls

and I'll be setting up shop out west
for the time being.

Ooh, so it's just David and me
going to New York then?

Um...

I have something to say.

-The wedding's off.
-No. The wedding is not--

Why would the wedding be off?

Patrick found us a house.

Okay, I don't know
how we'd be able to afford a house.

No, the house is here.

I think we're going to stay.

What?

David, are you sure you've given
this sentencing adequate deliberation?

I just don't think
I'm finished with this place.

My business is here. My...

my husband is here.

And I'm just not ready to mess that up...

just yet.

I'm sorry, I said I would
share a place with you.

So does this mean
you'll be coming with us, Alexis?

Um, no.

I think it means that
I'm gonna be flying solo to New York.

I've done it before and I can do it again.

You take that ember of independence
and you keep it burning.

Because you, my darling,
are destined to be on fire!

Well, I could not be more proud
of my family than I am right now.

And as much as I'll miss this--
being together--

at least I can go to sleep
knowing we're all gonna be okay.

[sniffling]

So when are you leaving?

September 3rd.

That's my wedding day.

And we're tied to the third?

-Oh, Moira...
-Am I tied to the third?

Of course you're getting married
on the third, David.

Moira, we can leave
first thing the next morning.

Yes. We will, John.

Just, it's worth noting
that the lie-flat seats

were only on the evening flight.

-Moira.
-It's okay.

Unbelievable.

Okay.

-[exhales]
-David, what is going on?

You're wearing a blindfold.

I'm not just gonna tell you
what's going on.

-[clears throat]
-Okay. You can take it off now.

Hmm.

Hey, you do know that
I've already seen this house, right?

I do.

So then why are we here?

Because I put an offer in.
And they accepted.

What? What about New York?
I thought that's where you wanted to be.

I thought so, too.
But... it's not where you wanna be.

And I don't wanna be anywhere
you don't wanna be.

David, I promise
I will make you so happy here.

You fuckin' better.

Wait. So when you say
you put an offer in...

-Yes.
-...what exactly did you do?

Um, I don't really know.
You might wanna call them.

Yeah, no. I'm definitely gonna...

-Call the people.
-...look at that offer.

Mm-hmm.

You know, at this point,
who even needs a wedding, am I right?

Oh, I do. I need a wedding. Big time.