Original subtitles

[birds chirp]

Just the Little Farmer's Breakfast for me, Twyla.

I've got the tasting for the wedding this afternoon.

Don't wanna spoil my appetite.

Oh! You're not using the café for catering?

Yes, John. Why would you not have Twyla cater David's big day?

Well, the food for the wedding is my gift to David,

so it's really his decision.

[chuckles] It's just the more you keep mentioning that it's a gift,

the less and less it feels like a gift.

You know, I-- I was just thinking that, you know,

how can Twyla enjoy herself at the wedding if she's-- if she's working?

I'm invited to the wedding?

-Sure looks like it. -[both laugh]

Look at you, John, doling out gift after gift this morning

like a Turkish Saint Nicholas.

I'll just have the fruit cup to go, please.

I must attend to some good news of my own.

Coming right up.

David, I didn't know she wasn't invited to the wedding.

Well, you certainly fixed that problem for yourself.

-What's your good news? -[Moira] Thank you.

Tippy Bernstein is on his way here.

He solicited a power lunch with me today.

Wow, there's a name I haven't heard in a while.

Tippy Bernstein was the executive producer on Sunrise Bay.

What could he possibly want?

I'm assuming a new project.

Tippy always had his fingers in a few fires. Oh, dear.

-Good God. -Brave faces, everyone.

-Hey. -Alexis!

Oh, you're looking so natural and peppy.

-Bit of a rough night, actually. -Oh.

Well, you're fooling everyone, dear.

Mm-hmm. Um, you just have-- you have something in your...

Here. I'm just gonna grab that.

-Is it gone? -Yeah. [nervous chuckle] Yeah.

[theme music playing]

[Johnny] Well, thanks for turning up so early, everyone, and welcome.

-My name is Johnny-- -Johnny Rose.

It's printed right here on the cover of the book

that he's handing out to all of you.

And my name is Roland Schitt, and I'm the boss you're gonna come to

when you don't understand why this guy is making you read about VHS tapes.

Not exactly the united front we had discussed, Roland.

Well, Johnny, somebody has to inspire these people.

Well, welcome to the Rosebud Motel family.

[door opens]

Oh, and there's our other partner, Stevie Budd!

Stevie, do you wanna come over and say hi to our new staff?

Uh, I think I need to speak to you for a minute in private.

Well, no need for that. We're all family here.

Okay. Ronnie found termite damage in room six

and apparently the entire foundation is about to collapse.

Uh, Stevie, that's really something we should talk about in private.

-Mm-hmm. -Tell you what.

Why don't we take five,

and feel free to help yourself to one of our vending machines over there.

[chuckles] Here you go.

Welcome, everyone.

How are we gonna cover these costs?

[sighs] Well, I gave one of my kidneys to my cousin Bruce.

Uh, we could see how I run on an empty tank.

I went to school with a guy who starts "accidental" fires.

I mean, worst comes to worst, we could collect the insurance money.

Okay. We're not burning anything down and we're not selling any organs.

We're knee-deep in this now.

We just have to figure out where we're gonna find the money.

Okay, that's good, because Bruce told me my kidney was garbage.

Take the pills, Vivian.

A "please" might be nice!

You really think you'd be head of surgery at Sunrise General

if you weren't possessed by your father,

who also happened to be the former head of surgery at Sunrise General?

Oh, enjoying the box set, are we?

-[turns off TV] -This season is weird.

You're great in it, but I forgot how bad Clifton Sparks was.

Oh, it's Uncle Sparky to you, dear.

Also, I'm so confused.

Why is Vivian the only one who gets possessed

when Trystan also played the Ouija game?

Oh, suddenly she's the director.

-[grunts] -And where do we think we're going?

Well, I feel like your publicist should be there

if you're meeting Tickle Bernstein.

[chuckles] Tippy. It's Tippy, and no, not necessary, dear.

Not in your condition. Thank you.

No, it's fine. I'll just throw on some clothes.

No! I insist. Mummy can handle this one all by herself.

All right? What's important is that you stay here

where no one can see you, and focus on your critical self-care.

[turns on TV]

Oh, I wanna see this.

You can and you know it!

How dare you make me kill my father twice!

-[slaps] -[gasps]

-[grunting] -You'll pay for this one day.

[David] I think that's a must.

I honestly don't know what to pick.

Mr. Rose, this looks pretty fancy.

You sure you're okay to pay for it? I know you have the motel to worry about.

Well, I can't back out now, Stevie.

David would understand.

I mean, not at first, but deep down, he's not a total monster.

So we're two minutes late, and if this were the actual wedding,

the doors would be closed and you would be locked out. Okay?

Um, this is Penelope. She's our caterer.

Penelope, this is my dad. He's footing the bill for the food.

Stevie is my maid of honor. She's just here to eat.

So Penelope and I have already selected an appetizer.

Wow. This is quite the spread. Looks very impressive, son.

-Expensive, but impressive! -Mm.

Oh, I like this. Little side salad.

Poor thing.

That's the garnish for the lobster roll.

Lobster! Ah. Are we inviting the Vanderbilts?

I said lobster roll,

and to your point, we have not discussed a salad.

Oh, I have an amazing Parmesan, arugula and black truffle salad

that will complement the evening perfectly.

My God! Yes!

Or... or...

if we're not using the lettuce under the lobster roll,

can we not just make a side salad out of this lettuce?

-Are these prices per table? -Um, per plate.

And speaking of, we are adding eight more plates.

I was finally allowed to invite some friends from New York--

they're a caviar crowd.

-Oh, I love that idea. -I love that.

-Caviar? -Huh?

Would anyone like to try some beef tenderloin?

Oh, sure. Sure.

Oh, you know what they say about tenderloin--

always a risky option.

It's gotta be done just-- just right.

Mm.

-Mmm. -Yes.

-Mmm. -Yes.

Well, you know, it's-- it's... it's fine.

"It's fine"?

Oh, it's the best thing I've ever tasted.

Well, you don't want people coming to your wedding

and only talking about the food.

That is literally the only thing I want them talking about.

What is wrong with you? You love beef tenderloin.

No, I'm just exploring, you know, other options.

Okay, well, might I suggest you explore the duck confit?

Why not? It's not like we're paying for the samples.

[nervous chuckle]

-We're not paying for the samples, are we? -No.

Oh. Okay. Then do you wanna put a bit more tenderloin on there, please?

Of course.

-[door opens] -[bell over door jingles]

Moira fucking Rose. Wow.

I mean, I figured time stood still in this town, but look at you!

You are just as gorgeous as the day I discovered you.

Oh, Tippy.

You're as alive as ever!

No, don't get up.

No, no. Don't worry about it.

Cured that vertigo years ago. I hired a hypnotherapist.

Then I married her. And then I divorced her.

"You're getting very, very broke."

-[both laugh] -Tippy!

I have missed that vaudevillian charm.

Oh, honey, it's been far too long, but I come bearing gifts.

And the first one is standing... [taps feet] right over there.

Clifton!

Muffy!

Looking luscious as always.

Oh, had I known you were both coming, I'd have dressed for the occasion.

Mm.

You're looking very fresh and dewy.

Gave up the drink. Strictly a wine and Scotch man now.

[clears throat] Listen, what do you say we all take a load off

because this standing thing is not all it's cracked up to be.

[grunts]

Cliffy! Cliffy, I have not seen you

since you starred in that electrifying courtroom drama

about the potty-mouth, feral child.

Oh, that was an actual court case.

My daughter wanted to emancipate, and the press couldn't get enough.

Lucky you!

Speaking of, the press cannot get enough of you, Moira.

That Crow picture. I mean, who'd have thought?

Oh. Thank you!

And what did you think, Clifton?

Can't wait for the screener.

So, I'm sure you're dying to know what this is all about,

and since this isn't sweeps week, I won't keep you hanging.

My imagination has become rather unbridled since you called.

Let me guess. A reunion?

No, it's much, much, much, much better.

Some sort of televised event? It's a panel? Late night?

They wanna reboot Sunrise Bay!

-What? Who-- -No, no. It's a big, big coproduction.

All the good people want in. Moira, it's gonna be raw,

it's gonna be edgy, it's gonna be prime time!

A sexy new cast, but they have asked

for prominent characters from the original to ground the whole thing.

-So I called Clifton... -Alphabetical.

-...and he said-- -I said I wouldn't do it without you.

And that was before Nicole Kidman signed on as Adriana's daughter.

Nicole Kidman.

And I was believing you both up till now.

No, no, no. M-Moira, this is all true.

Have you forgotten that Vivian was killed off?

When has that ever stopped us?

But the last time, I was shredded.

That's why we have writers. Let them do their magic.

Oops, oops. What do we have here? What is that?

Is this maybe a very generous offer

for a direct-to-series prime time Emmy contender?

Have a read. Have a read of that

and then maybe meet up with us later tonight?

We can celebrate over drinks.

I don't know what to say.

It's a simple answer, Vivian.

Say yes.

Alexis! Do I have news!

Okay, thank God you're here, because I have so many questions.

Like, why did they kill off your character

after you had just given birth to your ninth child

and escaped from that cave with that secret about your lover...

Who was a ghost, yes.

...and then they killed you off in, like, the most humiliating way.

I'm not sure I call it humiliating.

You vomited a demon into a toilet and then fell in and drowned.

Well, the writers insisted it was symbolic.

Nevertheless, I have something--

-And then they shredded you. -Yes.

Yes, I should have seen that coming after my contract demands, but--

Okay, yes. Re: that drama, I just fell down a dark Sunrise fan-hole

and found this message board about conspiracy theories.

Oh, Alexis.

There are a lot of fans who think that Clifton Sparks

had you written off the show because he was jealous.

Don't be a dotty, poor Alexis.

No, I unwittingly negotiated myself off the show.

End of story.

Okay. You watch this video

and tell me who you think he's referring to then.

-[groans] -Come.

There has been some serious Sunrise intrigue

around the sudden departure of Vivian Blake.

Can you tell us what happened?

[slurring] She had a good run.

But let's just say "someone" reminded the producers

that there's only room for one head of surgery at Sunrise General.

And I think all you housewives at home know who that should be.

See? He's basically admitting to having you written off the show.

No. He's drunk there. No. That's not--

No, Alexis, I came here to tell you something.

I've been asked to resuscitate Vivian

so that she may live again in a prime time reboot.

Is Clifton involved?

Alexis, he drove all this way just to personally beg me to acquiesce.

Hmm. Of course he did.

You're the only person in the show making headlines right now.

That's not true.

Adriana had a DUI last year. Popped a breast, poor dear.

-They need you. -[sighs]

And all I'm saying is, as your publicist and your daughter,

and now the moderator of the Sunrise Bay fan forum,

there is more to this story.

And if you wanna go through with this after watching that video,

just remember that there is nothing wrong with asking for what you deserve.

Mm-hmm.

Perhaps a little more housework and a little less mouse work

might do you some good, Alexis.

But thank you for your pair of pennies.

Hmm.

Good news, Stevie. I think I may have found someone

who can do the fumigation for half the price.

His name is Phil.

He's got a lot of two-star reviews,

but that's one star more than the other guys.

Will the savings cover the cost of rebuilding the foundation?

No. No, they won't.

So I guess the news isn't that good after all.

Ooh, hi.

Hi. Oh, still eating the tenderloin?

Well, they were just gonna throw it out, David.

Oh.

Um, I noticed that there was some awkwardness earlier at the tasting,

and I just got the sense that you were uncomfortable about something.

Oh! I don't know why you would think that.

Penelope asked if you wanted to crack the top of the crème brûlée and you asked,

"If we break it, do we buy it?"

Well, I think that was a perfectly legitimate question

considering I wasn't even hungry after the beef.

Okay. I know what's going on.

-You do? -Yeah, and don't worry.

You don't have to cover the cost of the extra table.

That's eight plates that you hadn't budgeted for.

Plus, Patrick's parents ended up giving us way more money than we had expected.

-[chuckles] -Oh?

Yeah, apparently there's some nest egg they set aside

for Patrick and his ex-fiancée, so honestly,

you don't have to pay for anything if it's going to be a strain.

-David, I said I would cover the food... -Okay.

...but if the Brewers wanna pay for the extra table,

then I think that's a wonderful gesture from the Brewers.

Great. What did I tell you about that beef?

-Oh, good. -Right?

-So good, right? -Mm.

Mr. Rose...

it's not always gonna be like this.

You know, we had a sizable nest egg set aside for David's wedding.

He was talking about Bali for a while.

We were gonna charter some jets and...

fly everybody.

I'm gonna get some air, Stevie.

[sighs]

[crickets chirp]

[chattering, music plays]

Please. You know, I'm not interested in that.

Room for one more?

Muffy, grab a chair. I hope you don't mind.

We decided to get a head start on the celebration.

Extra dry? Extra olive?

Oh, thank you, Mr. Bernstein!

Hey, tell that cute bartender I'd love a Sex on the Beach.

And if she has time, I need another Scotch.

Ha! You better hurry if you want to catch up.

Oh, no, this doctor would rather nurse her potable, if you don't mind.

Best to stay lucid for our congress.

Hey, remember how you entered that time machine

you discovered in the hospital's broom closet?

Season Three?

-What if we bring you back that way? -[laughs]

[chuckles] It's not easy to disremember my final demise.

It was even more vicious than Vivian getting trampled

while honeymooning in Pamplona.

Oh, Moira! Get over it!

Contract negotiations go sour all the time!

-What would you know about my contract? -What?

I believe I gave you a new contract today. Did you-- did you bring it?

-Clifton... -Hmm?

...there are fans who think

that you might have had something to do with my being written off the show.

[laughs] What? Who? Why would...

Look, Moira, there were a lot of egos back then,

and I was a different man.

That was before my liver transplant.

-Is it true? -Think of it as a compliment.

Your star was rising and I was maybe jealous.

Oh, would you look at this. I'm getting texts from Nicole's office.

Serves me right for sharing EP credit. These people--

I'm guessing Clifton was also responsible

for my name being repeatedly left off the Daytime Emmy ballot?

No, we submitted you every year.

And-- and that season that you played your own brother,

we submitted you for Best Actress and Actor.

-You did what? -Oh.

Tippy, I did not negotiate myself out of the job, did I?

You deserved every penny.

Please, Moira,

I want you to consider this offer as my amends.

If you sign on, then we can all get back to doing what we love.

There is something I love

that I haven't been able to do for quite some time.

[grunting]

Now, Mr. Bernstein, I have a few demands.

Mm. Mm.

I don't know, Johnny.

I have been racking my brain to come up with the cash.

I mean, at this point,

I'm willing to sell my baseball signed by Geena Davis.

Might take a little more than that, Roland.

Gentlemen. Hello.

-Stevie. -Hello.

Well, apologies for calling such a late meeting,

but I think you'll both agree we're in a bit of a situation.

And by "situation," he means that money pit of a motel we bought.

No, I stand by the decision to expand our business,

but at this point, I think our only option

is to sell the second motel and recoup whatever we can.

Yeah, and I'm in total agreement.

Well, I don't like that idea.

I don't like that idea at all.

What else you got, Johnny?

What if we bought 30 more motels right now?

What am I looking at?

These are all the roadside motels currently for sale.

Now, bottom line, we're not gonna make any money

off of two or three locations.

We're only gonna start seeing the real money at 20 or 30 locations.

Yeah, I'm with Stevie. It's a lost cause.

Now this would be a bigger undertaking.

And if we franchised on a larger scale, yeah, the dividends would be greater.

Stevie, where did you come up with this?

Oh, it was in a book I was given. I don't know, maybe you read it.

You did this before, Mr. Rose.

I think you can do it again.

Well, we would need a proper investor to pull this off.

You know, for the first time,

I think I can actually call in some favors with this idea.

I mean, we'd need a really strong pitch.

And boy, I-- I don't even know if anyone from my old life

would even take a meeting, but--

A wise man once wrote:

"You miss 100% of the tapes you don't play."

I did write that.

And I know that a wise man once wrote:

"Thank you to my wife, Moira."

That's just the dedication, Roland.

That's as far as I got, Johnny.

I'm sorry, I'm partial to historical fiction.

[Sunrise Bay plays on TV]

Oh, Alexis, has our quarantine been lifted?

Yeah, I was scared I was gonna get bed sores,

so I'm going for a run.

Also, I needed to, like, cleanse my brain a bit,

'cause eight hours of watching Sunrise Bay

made me feel a little not-right in the head.

It had that effect.

The New England Journal of Medicine did a fascinating study on it.

Will you be trapped in this crystal the entire episode?

Best to skip ahead.

So how was the meeting?

You, Alexis, are one shrewd little reynard.

You were right about Clifton.

He sucks in this, by the way.

So he had you written off the show?

Yes, but I used that little nugget to negotiate a superior deal.

-Hmm? -I am, after all,

the one cast member still making headlines.

Oh. So you still said yes?

I did.

But on the condition that Clifton be written off the show,

death of my choosing.

And I asked for more money.

Okay. Yes, Mom!

And a diamond tennis bracelet.

Okay. Well, that seems like a bit much.

But it still sounds like you got what you're worth.

Oh, God, no.

I made them an offer they had to refuse.

So, you're not doing it, then?

No. Thank you, Alexis.

Thank you for removing my rosy lunettes

so that I might see Clifton for who he really is.

If you did all that without getting out of bed,

imagine what you're capable of doing.

Okay, how is it that your daughter

is also trapped in the cave but has never looked up once?

You've been hanging over her for three straight episodes.

Oh, you know, children, this is where the season picks up,

when the cave starts talking back to me.

Voiced by the wonderful Peter Falk.

-I was gonna go for a run. -Shh. She's about to look up.