All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S06E07.WEB-DL.NF.en

[announcer] Two balls
and two strikes on Hernandez.

-[bat cracks]
-And there's a well-placed bunt!

Why did he hit the ball like that?

So that is called a bunt.
It's, uh-- it's tactical.

It allows the guy on first
to get over to second.

Okay. Who came up with the word "bunt"?

Sounds like something
you'd need to see a surgeon for.

David, this is an important game.
You told me you could get into this.

I was referring to the pizza.

-But, also, the game.
-Right.

[gasps] What do we have here?

I seem to have stumbled into
some sort of gentlemen's cavern.

Hey, thanks for letting me
stay here tonight, Mrs. Rose,

When David told me he wanted to install
a Japanese toilet at my place,

he neglected to mention
that it would involve taking out a wall.

It was in the e-mail.

Also, you will be thanking me
when you experience

the heated, motion-sensor toilet seat.

So, David, I take it
you'll be employed as cheerleader

for whatever televised sporting event
is unfolding for the remainder of the day?

Alas, this is Patrick's day.
We're doing what Patrick wants.

Yes!

Wow, someone's enjoying their day!

[chuckles] Sorry.
Just... cleared the bases.

It turns out Herb Ertlinger,
the great fruit vintner,

is rabid fan of the Crows movie--
good luck finding someone who isn't--

and he would like to name a wine after me.

-Oh, my...
-They should call it a...

a Moira Rosé. [chuckles]

Yes, that's what he has in mind.

Amazing! Congrats, Mrs. Rose!

Mm. What news!

Yes, but he wants me to sample
the fruits of his labor this very day!

Well, this seems like
a very important moment in your life.

I only wish I could be there.

I can't go alone.

[sighs] Well, unfortunately,

I told my fiancé
I'd watch the game with him--

-Just go, David.
-Okay.

-Are you sure?
-Yes.

You guys might wanna rehearse
a little more next time.

The extraction did feel a bit strained.

-That was you.
-Wha--

-Love you.
-[door closes]

[sighs]

[announcer] And a sigh of relief
for the beleaguered bullpen...

[theme music playing]

[soft Indian music]

[gasps] There are my fierce women,
ready to elevate their lives!

I'm so glad you decided to come today.

Well, you pushed pretty hard for it,
Alexis.

-You said you'd buy me lunch.
-Mm-hmm.

As Elevation's official
regional brand ambassador

and regional marketing invigorator,
I need to ask you guys:

are you ready for a total physical
and emotional transformation?

-Nah, but I'll do your class.
-Mm.

I didn't know they'd make us change
out of our own workout clothes.

Yeah, I kinda wish I knew that

before I spent all that money
on my LuLu Limes.

-Okay.
-I found a stain on my pants.

-Are we sure that they clean these?
-'Kay, Stevie--

-Alexis!
-[squeals]

It's wonderful to see
all these new recruits

you've brought for us today.

Leadership is thrilled
with all of your hard work.

Oh, my God, I'm blushing. [giggles]

Um, ladies, meet Citrus.

Citrus runs our East Coast wing,

so we are very lucky
to have him here today.

You know, I should also tell you
that he's been very impressed

with all of the work you've done for us
these past few weeks.

I'm sorry, who's "he"?

Oh, good point. Who's "he"?

Well, if you keep this up,
you'll find out soon enough.

Twyla, Stevie, Jocelyn, and Ronnie,
have a great class.

How does he know all of our names?

Am I crazy or is he really cute?

Okay, ladies, are we ready to elevate?

-Nah.
-What if I just wait in the car

until you're ready for lunch?

'Cause I'm just getting
a really weird vibe from this place.

Stevie, we've talked about this.

You are a businesswoman now
and part of that means

that you need to be, like,
physically and mentally sharp.

And also, I get paid
for everyone that signs up,

so mm, mm, mm.

[dance music plays]

All right, my Elevators,

we are ascending, not depending.

All our troubles, all our worries,

we're going to elevate above them.

Can I get an "oh, yeah"
if you're up on my level!

[class] Oh, yeah!

[Stevie, weakly] Oh, yeah.

[door closes]

Hey, Johnny.

Listen, I don't wanna
creep you out or anything,

but I was just peering
into your son's bedroom--

Okay, not off to a good start, Roland.

Well, do you know that
Patrick's sitting in there all by himself?

Uh, yes, I'm aware.
He's spending the night with us.

Patrick is practically family now.

Ah. Have you told him that?

Well, no, I haven't told him.

I mean, I haven't exactly
said it out loud.

Yeah... I don't know, Johnny.

Not having the big father/son-in-law chat

feels like a missed opportunity
to lay down some laws.

Maybe Patrick should get "the talk"
from old Uncle Roland.

'Kay, nobody's having a talk
with Uncle Roland.

Look, everything is fine.

If I feel like having a talk,
I'll have a talk.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a few things to attend to.

I remember when Jocelyn's dad
gave me the talk.

I mean, he was trying to talk me
out of getting married,

but she was nine months pregnant
at the time,

so he really didn't have
a leg to stand on.

But I'll tell you, I could not get out
of that sauna fast enough.

No way!

The kid's just in there
by himself, Johnny.

Something to think about.

[birds chirp]

[classical music plays]

Okay, so how did this happen?

I'm shocked he'd give you a second chance
after that train wreck of a commercial.

Mark my words, David, Herb...

-Ertlinger.
-Mm-hmm.

...won't be the last we see
to clamber out of the woodwork

now that I have a hit film on my hands.

Spines tend to liquidate
in the presence of success.

Speaking of...

Herb!

[softly] Ertlinger. Ertlinger.

-Herb Ertlinger.
-Nailed it first try.

[both laughing]

Hey, bygones be bygones about the TV spot.

At least the print ad worked out.
Pretty hard to mess up one of those!

Clearly you haven't seen the heartburn ads
she shot with Anne Geddes.

[laughs] Herb, I would like to
introduce you to a potential vendor.

This is my son, David Rose.

I'm sure you've heard of Rose Apothecary?

I have not, no.

But I'd be happy to discuss a buy
with whatever store this is,

if it means something to you.

[chuckles] Okay, I think we might need
to sample the product first.

Ah!

My wife and I got a real kick
out of that Crows movie.

So we would love to make our Moira Rosé
an exclusive and limited release.

This is what we're thinking for the label.

[Moira gasps] Well, hello!

Who is she and how do we get
a mouthful of her?

Now, it's important that you believe
in the product you're selling,

so we have a few options:

there's the strawberry-peach,
the ground fruits blend,

and... a lovely banana rosé. Huh?

-Mmm. Rich in potassium.
-Mm-hmm.

So, uh, sample at your leisure.

I'll come back with some coffee grounds
and a cheese board.

Again, we are so thrilled
to have you here, Moira.

-Enjoy.
-Thank you so much.

-Poor thing.
-[sighs]

Okay. Here is to being able to share
the perks of the industry with you.

-Salut.
-[glasses clink]

Cheers.

[slurping]

Oh, I had my reservations about banana.

Um, that's the strawberry-peach.

Oh, dear, it tastes like Amoxicillin.

[gulps]

This one's burning my throat.
These are terrible!

Well, we have to pick one, David.

Do we? You really want people
associating your name with this...

laundry detergent?

I would never sell this at my store.

Okay, enough.

Whew.

Now I'm getting notes of tomato.

-Ugh.
-[sucks teeth]

[announcer] Bottom of the 8th,
Tigers down by one.

Great pitching duel today...

Oh, hey, Mr. Rose.

Patrick! Uh, yeah, I was gonna say hello.
I, uh, didn't wanna interrupt.

No, no, not at all.
I'm just watching the game.

Hey, do you want some pizza?

Uh... yeah, I could go for some 'za.

[chuckles]

Ordered it a while ago,
so it might be a bit cold by now, but...

-Oh, that's okay, cold pizza can be good.
-Mm.

Hot pizza's good.

Too-hot pizza, not so good.

-Have that happening.
-[laughs] Yeah.

Oh, is this thin crust?

I think it's just regular.

Oh, yeah, well, I love a regular crust.

[announcer] ...Jackson on the mound.

Yeah, cheese, tomato sauce, bread.

-Can't beat that combination.
-[chuckles]

[announcer] Here's the wind-up--
and the pitch!

You know, speaking of great combinations,
you and David--

-Oh!
-Oh, uh, did we get another hit?

That's the other team, unfortunately.

Oh... boy. Almost got a glove on it, huh?
That would've been good.

You know, I was gonna say, you and David--

Oh, he and Mrs. Rose went
to some wine-tasting thing.

Oh, he went with Mrs. Rose,
yeah, the woman I'm married to.

You know, I was just flashing
on you and David--

Oh, come on! This is not happening.

What is happening?

Oh, you know, we--
we can talk about this later.

It's not-- it doesn't really matter.
Fellas!

-[frustrated sigh]
-Ugh!

-[music playing]
-Yes, Stevie!

You're crushing it.
You're breaking through and I can see it!

-Ronnie--
-[groans]

You too!

-Twyla, where are we going?
-Up!

And what're we leaving behind?

[class] Everything and everyone!

Yes! Push past those demons!

Leave it all behind you
as we ascend to the gateway.

-Jocelyn, do you see it?
-I think so!

-And... class!
-[music stops]

[exhales] Great job, everyone!

[women breathing hard]

And remember, I wanna see all of you
signing up for that gateway!

Good work.

Oh, yeah, I feel amazing.

Does anyone wanna sign up with me?
I'm happy to share a tent!

If babies are allowed, I am in.

Consider me a convert.

I'm gonna go grab a couple
of those Elevation Hydration bottles.

So, Stevie, what did you think?

Okay, yeah, I didn't hate it, but, I mean,

does anybody even know
what "the gateway" is?

Um, well, I think it's pretty obvious...

Mm-hmm?

Although, if it'd make you feel better,

I can totally, like, clarify
some of the language with Citrus.

[catching their breath]

Yeah. Um, hey, Citrus?

Yeah?

Well, first of all, so great to finally
experience what we're marketing.

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it, Alexis.

[chuckles] Although,
from a marketing perspective,

I think it'd be really helpful
to just, like,

clarify some of the language
that we're using.

Okay. Like what?

Well, first of all,

I noticed that you referred to,
um, like, "demons" a lot.

-Well, we all have demons!
-Yes, and I get that.

-Carbs. Am I right?
-[both laugh]

Right. But I'm also talking
about actual demons.

Yes.

Okay. I guess I'm just asking
for the people signing up right now, um,

is the gateway like a symbol for something

or is it like an actual gateway?

Oh! It's-- it's a symbol.

-Okay, good.
-[both laugh]

But it's also a literal gateway
into the sky.

Gotcha.

I hope that cleared everything up.

-Totally.
-[laughs] Great.

I'm just signing up. I can't...

Oh, it's gonna be good.

Hey, Jocelyn?
Can I see that sign-up sheet for a sec?

Oh, I haven't finished
filling out my social--

Oh, that's okay.

I'm just gonna go
and destroy this right now,

because I get the creeping suspicion
that this place is, like, not okay.

Like, I feel like this is
more than just a fitness class.

-What do you think it is?
-Um, I think it's a cult.

And, like, not the good kind.

Not like when you go to India

to follow a long-haired, sexy man around
for a couple months

and then come home
with a bangin' yoga body.

Yeah, if only someone had pointed out
how weird this was from the beginning.

Alexis, can I still go on the trip?
I'm not saying that I need it.

It's just last weekend I stuck Roland Jr.
into the ball room at Ikea,

just so I could eat a meatball by myself.

No. No. No one is going on the trip.

And I am so sorry for making you guys
sign up for this.

Well, I'm keeping the Hydration bottles.
I can just dump out the crystal water.

Just a heads up, you guys,
they're almost sold out

of the "nocturnal affirmation"
cassette tapes, so--

-Twy...
-Now I just need to buy

one of their cassette players.

Because you have to make sure

they're playing at the right speed
when you're sleeping.

Twy, this is a cult.
I brought you to a cult.

Oh, my gosh, did you not know that?

My mom tried to take me to the gateway
for spring break one year.

I just thought
I was supporting your career.

Ugh, how did I fall for this?

Cults prey on sad, weak,
vulnerable people.

I'll try not to take that personally.

I've just been so desperate
to, like, throw myself into work,

and I clearly missed all the signs
and now I've, like, endangered all of us.

Well, there's an exit sign right there.

Yup, but the arrow's pointing straight up.

There was an emergency exit
in the change room.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[squeals] Yeah.

[classical music plays]

[slurps]

Ugh! Okay, you know what?
I'm making a blend.

Yes. Make us a nice Moira-lot
or a Moira Rose-ling.

Hey, not to be too effusive,
but I'd call that one potable.

I have had worse things
in my mouth. [chuckles]

I'm so happy
that I wrestled you away today

for this oenological escapade.

I finally have you all to myself, David.

When's the last time you and I
had a whole day together

with nary a care in the world?

I mean, I am in the middle
of planning a wedding

while also building
a successful retail empire.

Yes, you are.

Then grant me this precious moment--

before there's a ring on your finger--

to say chin-chin to you
and your husband-to-be.

This feels remarkably selfless.

You and Patrick are two good grapes.

Hmm...

Different notes, different tannins,

but... together, you've managed
to make one perfect blend.

Thank you.

-That being said--
-Oh, my God.

If I may impart
a... slice of marital sagacity:

you and I, we're two potent grapes.

You know, there's a lot
of your father in Patrick.

Don't need that.

But just because their notes are subtle

doesn't mean they require
any less attention.

Says the woman who literally convinced me
to leave my partner alone at home,

watching a baseball game.

You know I'm right.

Your father and I have produced
beautiful wine together for over 40 years.

Ew.

And I have absolutely no doubt
that your relationship with Patrick

is going to get even better with age.

[door opens]

Okay, I hope we've landed on something,

because all I have left
is this cherry ice wine

[sniffs] and I think it might be corked.

Nope. My David has put together
a delicious blend right here.

Mm-mm!

Ugh. No. That's not the one we picked.

-Huh?
-That's not the one we picked.

What? Well, let's retrace our steps.

-No.
-How many combinations can there be?

[slurps] No.

[announcer] We'll be back
to the ball game right after--

Yeah, I guess I don't need
to turn the volume down

for these commercial breaks.

Oh, whatever works for you.

[chuckles, turns volume off]

It's just I thought you had something
that you wanted to talk about?

Oh, no, just wondering
what the inflation was

on concessions these days,

'cause it's been years
since I've been to a ball game.

-[chuckles]
-Well, it's highway robbery.

Yeah, you got that right. [chuckles]

It just sorta seemed like you wanted
to talk about David for a second.

Felt like that's where you were goin'.

No, I... Sure.
Yeah, I can talk about David.

Yeah, my son...

[clears throat]

Who, uh, you will be...
walking down the aisle with very soon.

Well, technically,
you won't be walking with him

down the aisle, but-- but, um...

Mr. Rose, I don't wanna cut you off,

but, um...

[clears throat]

I'm glad we have a minute to talk.

Because I--
I hope it goes without saying that,

as lucky as I feel to have met David,

I also feel incredibly lucky
to be joining your family.

Huh.

I love your son...

and I will always do everything I can
to respect him

and to protect him
from all of the things in life

that can set him off.

And there are many, many things
that can set him off--

[laughs] Oh, I'm aware, yeah.

Um... Oh, boy, that...

pretty much covers it.

Uh, I was only gonna say that I...

I hope you treat him with... respect,

which you just said you would,
and, of course... I already knew it.

I'm glad we had this talk, Mr. Rose.

Me too. Me too.

-All right.
-[exhales]

[both clear throats]

-[turns volume up]
-[announcer] Iverson at the plate,

-and here comes the pitch!
-[loud crack of bat]

-[announcer] Iverson with a...
-Oh! Oh! It's going...

Going! Gone!

-Oh!
-[both laughing excitedly]

-Whoa-ho!
-Hey!

-[awkward laughter]
-Whoa!

[operatic music plays]

So, it was this one?

Um, let me just triple-check.

[slurps]

[gags] No. [laughs] No, it's not.

[slurring] Did it oxidize?
Is that why we can't recognize the tastes?

Okay, if neither of you can remember
which one it was,

maybe we just-- we just call this off.

The wife and I had reservations
at the Elmdale Inn an hour ago.

It was strawberry-radish.

We don't do anything with radishes.

Ooh, maybe you should.
That sounds refreshing.

-We're not making a new wine!
-[gasps]

There's no need
to raise your voices, Herbert.

Okay, speaking of Herbert,
is it Herbert or Erbert?

-Like, when people say Herb or Erb?
-[doors closing]

I took the liberty
of calling your husband, Moira,

because somebody has to drive you two home
and it's certainly not going to be me.

[both gasp]

Our designated grapes!

Well, I see the sampling went well.

-[both] Okay.
-We couldn't find a wine.

Well, it sorta smells like you...
found all the wine.

-What?
-Yeah.

Mr. Ertlinger, I hope this doesn't stand
in the way of... our doing business.

Your wife has ensured that
that won't be happening.

Between the two of them,
they could not find a single wine

they were willing to put Moira's name on.

-I said radish!
-We...

Could you please escort your family
out of here?

-I am very late for a dinner!
-Oh.

I am offering a major apology
if that'll help.

Okay. I take it
keys are in your purse, Moira?

[mumbles incoherently]

-I'm gonna, uh... I'm gonna start the car.
-Okay, great!

-Yeah.
-What?

[crickets chirp]

[exhales] How was your class, Alexis?

Um, it was a big success.
Thank you for asking.

Everyone had a great time

and the clients
were, like, super impressed.

[David] Oh, that's good.

I wonder if that means
they'll give you priority boarding

when you enter the gateway.

Oh, my God, Stevie did this, didn't she?

Now, do the step machines
actually lift off the ground,

or are the step machines just there
to help you practice

for when you walk onto the spaceship?

Come on, David, she didn't know.

-Thank you!
-But now that you do,

does it just make the journey
to the gateway

-that much more meaningful?
-Okay, you know what?

Honestly, this whole situation
is starting to gross me out.

It's like I'm sharing a room
with my twin brothers who kiss.

-[both] Mm!
-[knocking on door]

Well, look at this!
We have a full house here.

-Just came in to say good night.
-That's not necessary.

-John! Open, please!
-Yeah.

Hey! I like sleepovers!
Anyone think I might like a sleepover?

Ew! Ew!

You know,
spending a little extra time together

is not such a bad idea

since we're losing Alexis soon
to the gateway.

-Oh, my God-duh!
-A simple mistake, honey.

So does this happen every night?

Um, no. No, it doesn't.

[Alexis] Uh, okay.

-Mm! Stop!
-[snorts]