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1
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:04,921
David, what time is Patrick's
housewarming tonight?
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,174
Hmm, you'll have to ask him.
He told me he doesn't want my help.
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:11,511
So I'm just gonna play
the supportive partner and watch him fail.
4
00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:13,847
Okay, it's just that if Ted and I
are gonna be fashionably late,
5
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:16,141
we need to know when it starts.
6
00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:19,102
There you are, Alexis! [laughs]
7
00:00:19,477 --> 00:00:21,813
-Good morning, Roses.
-Jocelyn, Roland.
8
00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:25,233
Look at you, Jocelyn,
positively flushed with motherly glow.
9
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:28,028
We've just been running around
looking for Alexis.
10
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:29,529
That's so sweet. What's up?
11
00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:30,822
Remember that time that you told me
12
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:33,324
you'd be there for me
if I ever needed you?
13
00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:35,201
I don't think that was me.
14
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:38,329
Well, our babysitter for tonight
just canceled on us,
15
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:42,333
and we were gonna have dinner
and, uh, a couples massage.
16
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,128
But unfortunately,
the couple that massages us
17
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:46,963
can only do it once a month, so...
18
00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:49,007
Hmm, no. Um...
19
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:52,635
well, I totally would think about it,
but I have a housewarming thing tonight.
20
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:53,887
[both sigh]
21
00:00:57,223 --> 00:01:00,894
David? Is Patrick also going
to that housewarming party?
22
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:03,146
Patrick's throwing the party,
unfortunately.
23
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,899
Well, Rollie,
we're just gonna have to cancel.
24
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:08,651
Because we have asked literally everyone.
25
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,445
[groans] Oh, jeez.
26
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:11,905
Thanks anyways, Roses.
27
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,656
-[Roland groans]
-[Moira] Sorry.
28
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,453
Well, that was weird.
29
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:23,041
Seriously. A nighttime couples massage.
What is this, 1985?
30
00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:26,336
No! They asked everyone
at the table except us.
31
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:27,504
We're sitting right here!
32
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,048
They're not going to ask
someone of your age, John.
33
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:32,008
We raised two kids.
34
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,427
"Raised" might be a stretch.
35
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,805
Our nursery was in a different wing
of the house.
36
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,890
-I'm a light sleeper.
-It was a design flaw.
37
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:52,362
{\an8}John, you're not still working
on that cumbersome laundry hamper?
38
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,697
{\an8}I told you, it's a playpen, Moira.
39
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,324
{\an8}I was hoping you were joking.
40
00:01:56,407 --> 00:02:00,286
{\an8}No. After Roland and Jocelyn's
little oversight this morning,
41
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,623
{\an8}I took it upon myself
to offer our services.
42
00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:06,209
{\an8}Why in God's name would you do that?!
43
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,211
{\an8}It's a principle thing.
44
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:11,047
{\an8}Roland and Jocelyn don't think
we can take care of a kid.
45
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,675
{\an8}That's an argument I'm willing to lose.
46
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:17,345
{\an8}So now I have go to Ronnie's by myself.
47
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:18,721
{\an8}What?
48
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,181
{\an8}I told you, the Lifetime Network
49
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,600
{\an8}is re-airing the movie I did
with Joyce DeWitt.
50
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,853
{\an8}Remember? Not Without My Cousin.
51
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,604
{\an8}And Ronnie's TV gets that channel,
52
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:29,399
{\an8}I told you this, John!
Or at least I'm telling you now.
53
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,694
{\an8}Okay, well, then, have fun.
54
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,948
{\an8}I'm more than capable
of looking after this kid myself.
55
00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:39,033
{\an8}John, my sweet husband.
56
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:41,619
{\an8}We have nothing to prove as parents.
57
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:43,288
{\an8}We did our best for our children.
58
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:47,125
{\an8}Yeah, we were there most weeknights.
For at least a couple of hours.
59
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:48,585
{\an8}Unless we were out for the evening.
60
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:49,836
{\an8}Yeah, or jetting around.
61
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:51,629
{\an8}Or if it was a really long day.
62
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,840
{\an8}Yeah, no, no, I'm not
the least bit concerned, Moira.
63
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,091
{\an8}[knocking on door]
64
00:02:55,174 --> 00:02:59,178
{\an8}Besides, if Roland can look after a baby,
anyone can.
65
00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:02,932
{\an8}Hey, Jocelyn.
66
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,350
{\an8}-[Jocelyn] Hi, Johnny.
-[Roland] Hi, Johnny.
67
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,102
{\an8}[Jocelyn] Thank you so much, Johnny.
68
00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:08,563
{\an8}It just would've never occurred to us
to ask you.
69
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:11,024
{\an8}Are you sure you're up for this?
70
00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,567
{\an8}Oh, he'll be fine, honey.
71
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:15,862
{\an8}And if he does find himself
completely lost,
72
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,113
{\an8}and believe me, he will,
73
00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:19,282
{\an8}he will have...
74
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:22,035
{\an8}the baby binder to hold his hand.
75
00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:23,202
{\an8}Right here, Johnny.
76
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,872
{\an8}Okay, well, here goes nothing.
77
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:28,041
{\an8}-Yeah.
-I don't know why, I'm just...
78
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,626
{\an8}I'm having a hard time letting go.
79
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:30,793
{\an8}I've got him. I've got him, Jocelyn.
80
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,086
{\an8}-Oh, okay, okay.
-Well, I know why.
81
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,505
{\an8}It's because you don't trust the guy.
And believe me, I don't either.
82
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:37,884
{\an8}But we're in this now,
so try not to think about it.
83
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,802
{\an8}Wow, Moira.
84
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,889
{\an8}Looking so elegant
for a night of babysitting.
85
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:46,100
{\an8}Just dressed to the nines
in choking hazards.
86
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:49,646
{\an8}Sadly, Jocelyn, I won't be here
this evening to intercede.
87
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:53,900
Oh, wow, so it's just gonna be Johnny
alone with our precious miracle baby?
88
00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:57,820
Uh... Honey, come on,
we're gonna be late for our massage.
89
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,114
You know Ron and Linda
like to do those stretches
90
00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,450
before they get us on the table, so...
91
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:05,078
I'll be thinking about all of you
during my massage.
92
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,080
No, no need for that, Roland.
93
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:09,290
Okay, Johnny,
just don't do anything I wouldn't do.
94
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,875
-[Jocelyn] Love you!
-What?
95
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,001
Whoop! Whoop!
96
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,921
-[door slams]
-Boop, boop, be-boop!
97
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,551
[sighs]
98
00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:23,221
[sighs heavily]
99
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,809
-Wow. What are those?
-These are party shots.
100
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,686
-Hmm.
-You ever had one before?
101
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:31,646
No, nope.
102
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,440
Fine, once.
103
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,775
Twice.
104
00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:38,278
Fine, I had a tray in Cancun.
105
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:41,155
Okay, well, they kinda go
with my overall theme
106
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:44,033
of a good, old-fashioned
high school slumber party, so...
107
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,619
Mm-hmm, I still don't know
why you were so quick
108
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,204
to dismiss my theme idea.
109
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,791
Where is anybody gonna find
glass-blown Venetian masks around here?
110
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:55,044
Besides, people are kind of excited
about the high school idea.
111
00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:59,090
Okay. Walk me through
the high school idea.
112
00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,926
Models and teen actors
are just gonna lounge around
113
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,469
in their bras and thongs
114
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,388
and take Polaroids
of themselves all night?
115
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:07,515
What was your high school experience like?
116
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,142
What was yours like?
117
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,687
Besides, where are we going to find
a salad bowl of E this last minute?
118
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:14,564
You know,
I think this could be kind of a...
119
00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:18,484
a fun opportunity for you
to rewrite your past a little bit.
120
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:19,736
Mm-hmm.
121
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,989
It's just that my parents have spent
an astounding amount of money on therapy
122
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,532
to try to do that already.
123
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:27,702
So forgive me for not wanting
to run back into the fire.
124
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:28,870
What happened to you?
125
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,748
Nothing, really, I just didn't like it.
126
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,082
[gasps]
127
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,917
-Mm. Okay. Oh.
-Yeah.
128
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,294
[slurps]
129
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,049
You might have to make more of those.
130
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:42,508
-That's right.
-That's very nice.
131
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,055
[sighs]
132
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,733
-Honey, I'm home.
-Oh!
133
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,194
Shouldn't I be the one saying that?
134
00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,488
A little something to celebrate
the end of the week.
135
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,783
-Yeah.
-Whoop!
136
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:09,911
Uh, except it's Neuterpalooza week
at work,
137
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:12,830
and I still have two days
of spaying and neutering ahead of me.
138
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:16,125
Oh, let's stop saying "neutering,"
'cause it's killing my buzz!
139
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,627
This is so silky.
140
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,629
Yeah, it's my dad's housecoat
from storage.
141
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:23,633
I was thinking we could go as Hef, RIP,
and a Playboy Bunny.
142
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,844
Isn't the theme high school slumber party?
143
00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:29,680
It is. My best friend, Summer,
used to date Hef in high school,
144
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:33,726
which isn't as weird as it sounds,
'cause he was, like, a very young 77.
145
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:37,688
-Uh, okay, don't be mad, but--
-Ted, no!
146
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:40,566
I have to perform surgery on
people's pets first thing in the morning.
147
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,527
Why'd you have to pick this weekend?
148
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:45,071
You know how much I always look forward
to Patrick's house parties.
149
00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:47,156
Isn't this his first one?
150
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:48,950
Okay, fine.
151
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,369
I guess I'll just finish my drink, and...
152
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:55,123
wander over there dressed like this
and see what happens.
153
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,209
Well, I mean,
154
00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:01,921
maybe you don't need to leave just yet.
155
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,882
Snip, snip, Mr. Mullens!
156
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,928
I was just hoping
you could make an exception.
157
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:10,888
Let loose for one night.
158
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,849
Next time. I promise.
159
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,186
-Well, I'm off.
-[baby cries]
160
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,980
All right, have fun, sweetheart.
161
00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:21,441
You do realize the bebe is crying.
162
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,067
I do, yes.
163
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,153
Isn't it scheduled to be dormant by now?
164
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:26,946
I'll figure it out, Moira.
165
00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:28,739
-You have the binder.
-Yes.
166
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:29,824
-Yes.
-Ooh!
167
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,161
I think I just found the issue.
168
00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:34,620
It might be in the diaper.
169
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,707
Oh, it was the bebe. I'm so relieved!
170
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:41,127
Yeah, I think they left extra diapers.
They assumed we'd take care of it.
171
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,670
You wanna grab the rubber gloves?
172
00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:45,965
They're Tom Ford, John, no!
And they wouldn't fit you anyway.
173
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,967
The cleaning gloves under the sink!
174
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,094
Oh! Yes.
175
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,556
[baby wails]
176
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:54,807
[groans]
177
00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:57,727
And, there.
178
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:02,231
Oh, it looks like Jocelyn's left you
some nice chapter tabs.
179
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,359
Uh, it's saying here that you should...
180
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:10,740
wipe counter-clockwise direction, ah...
181
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,658
flip it, if you can flip it.
182
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,578
-The baby?
-It doesn't say.
183
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:18,164
Honestly, Moira, just go! I'll be fine.
184
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:20,208
I'm not sure you will be, John.
185
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,127
It's not like the old days
when we could just call Adelina
186
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,671
and have her rush home
from her daughter's wedding.
187
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,381
You're gonna miss your screening.
188
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,342
I'll go after the first commercial break.
189
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:31,302
That's when the action happens anyway,
190
00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:34,639
when my cousin and I begin
our backpack through Lebanon.
191
00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:36,682
What else does the binder say?
192
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:38,267
Oh, my God, John!
193
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,102
Don't forget to wash its hands!
194
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:42,939
Okay.
195
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:44,941
[music playing]
196
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,276
Okay, my turn. Ahem!
197
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:53,241
Hmm, never have I ever pretended
to be a pizza delivery person
198
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:56,160
so I could get into
Jared Leto's Halloween party.
199
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,787
You're a bitch.
200
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,873
My mom was engaged
to two pizza delivery guys.
201
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,709
Can that count?
'Cause I am really thirsty.
202
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,294
Stevie!
203
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,420
Uh, um...
204
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,217
Never have I ever...
205
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,931
Sorry, I'm just trying to think
of something I haven't done.
206
00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:20,142
Okay. How long do you envision
this game going on for?
207
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,894
Because never have I ever been so bored.
208
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,313
Aw, I'm sorry, David.
When I suggested the game,
209
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,899
I didn't expect that you'd be
drinking quite so much.
210
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,317
Eating out of the garbage?
211
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,152
Okay, I did that
in front of you last night.
212
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:33,072
Now, as a participant,
if we don't change the game soon,
213
00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:34,949
-I'm gonna get very drunk.
-Oh.
214
00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:36,325
-[knocking]
-Yep?
215
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,621
-Hey! [laughing]
-[all] Oh! There he is! Yay!
216
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,623
God, what are you doing here?
217
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,166
Hey, sweetie.
218
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,543
You were right, we deserve a night out.
219
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,753
So, I just pushed
all my morning appointments.
220
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,130
Which will be fine, I guess.
221
00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:52,383
It just means that I'll be staying up
till 1:00 a.m. on a Saturday,
222
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:53,676
spaying with a pretty shaky hand.
223
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,845
Mm, that's so cute.
What can I get you to drink?
224
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,263
Oh, no, don't worry about that.
225
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:59,307
After you used all of my booze
for your punch,
226
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,975
the only alcohol left in my fridge
227
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,561
was a few of your
rum raspberry coconut coolers.
228
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:06,606
So I polished them off
and it tasted like burnt plastic
229
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,274
-and I regretted it instantly.
-[woman] Hi, Ted!
230
00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:10,818
Only you would wear a little robe
and little slippers
231
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,737
to a high school slumber party.
232
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,948
Oh, no, no. This is just so that
I didn't get cold on the way over.
233
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,492
-All right!
-[partygoers cheer]
234
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,578
What is the game? Because I'm up!
235
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:21,746
Oh! Wow.
236
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,789
-Okay.
-[Ted] Twyla!
237
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,834
I'm not sure if it's just the punch,
but...
238
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:28,461
he could get it!
239
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,589
Stevie, that's disgusting.
240
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,841
Ted, can I get you a party shot?
241
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,801
-Cool!
-Okay.
242
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,012
-David?
-Wow.
243
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:39,305
-Yeah.
-We have orange...
244
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:40,848
-I'll take that.
-...yellow...
245
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:43,976
[blows kiss]
246
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,063
-[music playing]
-[chattering]
247
00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,819
Hey! Do you wanna
put Emir away for a hot sec
248
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,530
so this game can keep going
and the party can end soon?
249
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,616
Oh, I'm good.
I don't wanna kiss anyone here.
250
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:01,577
My sister's sitting in the circle.
You think I'm dying to play?
251
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,912
Thank you very much.
252
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,497
[sighs]
253
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,543
[gasps]
254
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:12,296
Ohh!
255
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:14,965
[gasps] Oh!
256
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,219
[laughs] Okay!
257
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,224
Babe, did you rig this?
258
00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:26,143
Maybe I did, and maybe I did!
259
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,895
Ooh! [laughs]
260
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,730
-Okay, go crazy, babe.
-Mm-hmm.
261
00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:32,316
All right, who's the lucky lady?
262
00:11:34,693 --> 00:11:38,322
-That's offensive.
-Okay, anyway, re-spin!
263
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,449
Yeah, it actually looks like
it landed between two people.
264
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,827
No, no, no, no!
I know exactly who it landed on.
265
00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:45,913
-Oh, Ted! That's not okay.
-Man, come here, big guy!
266
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,456
-Mmm!
-[partygoers gasp]
267
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,041
Mwah! [laughs]
268
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,876
Oh, my fucking God.
269
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:54,964
It looks like the punch needs a refill.
270
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,757
Oh, hey, I could use a refill too,
big guy.
271
00:11:56,841 --> 00:12:00,344
Okay, I don't know where "big guy"
is coming from, but it has to stop.
272
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:04,682
Um, I don't know about you,
but I smell drama.
273
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,016
[Twyla] Okay, my turn!
274
00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:08,853
[Moira in movie] You know, Helen,despite everything...
275
00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:12,898
Oh, if it weren't for Joyce Dewitt
insisting on wearing those pigtails,
276
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:15,151
this movie could've been a hit!
277
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,946
We're supposed to be astrophysicists.
It takes you right out of it.
278
00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:21,073
And yet, she-- she gets the close-up!
279
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,869
-Well, that was shocking.
-I know, right?
280
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:27,079
And I get the aerial shot
for my love scene.
281
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:29,039
No, no, I'm talking about the kid.
282
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:33,043
To think this little thing could
create so much destruction.
283
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:35,629
Oh, you've completed
the diaper substitution.
284
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:38,841
Aren't you the Sephardic Mr. Clean!
285
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:41,969
Well, I did the kid,
but I'm not doing the bathroom.
286
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,264
It appears you may need
a change yourself, Mr. Rose.
287
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:47,224
What is that on your shoulder?
288
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,603
Oh, Moira, he spit up on me.
289
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:52,146
[baby gurgles]
290
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,315
And he's spit up in the playpen!
291
00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:57,109
Ew! That cannot be good, John!
292
00:12:57,193 --> 00:13:00,488
Its body is ejecting things.
What did you do to it?!
293
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,990
Nothing! I-I changed his diaper,
that's all.
294
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,534
Well, perhaps you've swaddled
its abdomen too tightly.
295
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,537
Or maybe it's allergic to something.
296
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,916
John, did you feed it shellfish?
What did you do?!
297
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:14,418
I've gotta wipe him up
and change his clothes again.
298
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:17,046
For all we know,
it's got crawling pneumonia.
299
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,757
Oh, he doesn't have
crawling pneumonia, Moira!
300
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:22,885
I don't want to say I told you so,
but this is an infelicitous burden.
301
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:27,181
I could be at Ronnie's right now,
preparing for the post-screening Q&A.
302
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:28,807
Well, then, go to Ronnie's!
303
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,435
Because I've gotta get him
a change of clothes.
304
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,687
Well, at least put the gloves back on.
305
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:39,944
John, it says right here,
spitting up is normal.
306
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,697
Jocelyn's written, "Spit happens."
307
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:45,783
Very clever.
308
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,369
For Jocelyn.
309
00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:52,122
-[music playing]
-[grunting]
310
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,542
Oh, my God, they just need to chill.
311
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:55,626
[David] Okay, I'm done.
312
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:56,961
Who chose this theme, anyway?
313
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:58,837
It was a mistake.
314
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:01,966
[sighs] What are you guys doing over here?
315
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,301
You remind me of me
at a high school house party
316
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:06,303
judging all the attractive
and popular kids
317
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,763
for being attractive and popular.
318
00:14:07,846 --> 00:14:10,432
David, do you have anything
you wanna say to me and Patrick?
319
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:11,934
Actually, yes.
320
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:14,520
Now, as an attractive and popular kid
at a house party,
321
00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:17,565
I can confidently say, it's very fun.
322
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,692
That's it? That's all you have to say?
323
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:21,402
What's going on here?
324
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:25,531
Mm, things got effed,
and we're not having fun anymore.
325
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:28,242
For what it's worth,
I'm having a great time.
326
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:31,370
You're like a tsetse fly.
Where's your cell phone boyfriend?
327
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:33,581
-On my cell phone.
-Okay.
328
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:34,957
You're not having fun?
329
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,917
I don't know, David, sure.
330
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:39,753
What exactly did I do wrong here?
331
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:41,422
Oh, I don't know, David.
332
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,507
Mmm, was it the time
you kissed my boyfriend?
333
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,886
Or... was it the time
you kissed my boyfriend?
334
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,554
I think it was the time
you kissed her boyfriend.
335
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,556
Okay, he kissed me!
336
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:54,143
And I was just told to have some fun.
So I played the game.
337
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,645
I'm sorry that the bottle landed on me.
338
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,397
Technically it landed
between you and Stevie, so...
339
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,481
Yeah.
340
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,275
Okay, so you're upset
about this as well, then?
341
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:02,776
-Looks like it.
-[Patrick] No, I'm not!
342
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:07,156
I'm not upset. I guess I wonder how
you would react if the tables were turned.
343
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:08,657
Yeah, David, like, what would you do
344
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,076
if Patrick and I suddenly kissed
at a party?
345
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,411
-Yeah.
-Or Patrick and me.
346
00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:13,537
Okay, we're done with you.
347
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:15,831
It was Spin the Bottle!
348
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,792
If Patrick was wasted and spun the bottle
349
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,920
and it landed on you, and you guys kissed,
350
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,796
-I wouldn't care.
-You're lying, David.
351
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,841
Okay, is that what needs to happen
to clear the air here?
352
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,176
You guys need to kiss?
353
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:28,886
-David, let's not be dramatic.
-Yeah, maybe it does.
354
00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:30,387
-What?
-Well, by all means.
355
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:32,264
I think it's actually
more the principle of the thing--
356
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,099
-Okay, here we go.
-Hmm!
357
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,897
-[sighs]
-Is that really...
358
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:41,106
Uh-huh.
359
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:47,237
-Mmm! Mmm!
-[smooching sounds]
360
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:49,615
Mmm!
361
00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:52,034
Yum. That was fun.
362
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:53,994
Hey, are we spinning more bottles?
363
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,747
Uh, was that fun for you guys?
That, like, satisfying?
364
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:58,707
I was never not okay. So...
365
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,335
It was really good for me.
366
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:04,254
-I say we play Truth or Dare.
-Oh, Stevie, I'm in!
367
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,422
Oh, no, Ted.
368
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:09,301
Get your housecoat and your other slipper.
It is time to go.
369
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:11,595
-You got it, big guy.
-Okay.
370
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,556
Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry.
371
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:15,933
Good game!
372
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:19,436
Look at him.
373
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,940
Awful peaceful when he's sleeping.
374
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,901
[Moira talking in movie]
375
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,280
Well, we did it, sweetheart.
376
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,282
And, uh...
377
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,703
what do you think
we've learned here today?
378
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:39,081
That Adelina was grossly underpaid.
379
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:44,795
No, I mean, we could've been good,
hands-on parents if we wanted to.
380
00:16:44,878 --> 00:16:46,422
We've got it in us.
381
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,048
That was never in question, John.
382
00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:51,969
I'm even more convinced that
our hands-off approach served them better.
383
00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:55,389
[Moira in movie]
I'll go, but not without my cousin!
384
00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,558
That had its moments.
385
00:16:57,641 --> 00:17:00,519
When it shone, it shone brightly.
386
00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:02,396
And I have to hand it to DeWitt.
387
00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:05,065
She had a real breakthrough
during the denouement.
388
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,777
I believe she believed we were cousins.
389
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:11,113
[soft knocking]
390
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,115
-John?
-[snoring]
391
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:15,826
-[light taps]
-[TV shuts off]
392
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,417
-[Roland] Oh, hello!
-[Moira] Shh! Shh! Shh!
393
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,627
-Greet-- What?!
-Shh!
394
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,629
-What?
-I just put him down!
395
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,507
Oh, my gosh,
you got little Roland Jr. to sleep?
396
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,593
-Oh, no, I'm talking about John.
-Oh.
397
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:35,012
No, Roland's been asleep
for quite some time.
398
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:37,181
And everything was fine?
No major problems?
399
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,142
He is a slice of meringue, Jocelyn.
400
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:43,228
You know, I don't know if, uh...
401
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,981
I'm just all zen'd out
from an hour and a half
402
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,025
of Linda's magic fingers on me,
403
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:50,694
but I can actually see myself
404
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,905
leaving Roland Jr.
with you people more often.
405
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:53,989
Ah!
406
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,825
Well, that's something
Linda might want to massage
407
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,161
right out of your mind
the next appointment.
408
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:02,706
I actually have Ron the next time.
We like to mix it up a little bit.
409
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:08,337
And with that, I believe your
little inchling is out past its curfew.
410
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:11,757
-You get the binder, I'll get the baby.
-Okay.
411
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:16,345
Oh, jeez. Look at him.
412
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:20,057
You know, I almost think
I like him better asleep than awake.
413
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:28,482
-[Johnny grunts]
-He's on my side.
414
00:18:29,316 --> 00:18:30,317
Bye-bye.
415
00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:33,987
-[door slams]
-What?
416
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,781
Oh, shh!
417
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:36,990
[groans]
418
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:48,836
-I'm just gonna take the garbage out.
-Okay.
419
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:50,379
Yeah, and if I don't come back,
420
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,381
it's probably because
I've run off with Ted.
421
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:54,258
Thanks for the heads-up.
422
00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:56,844
We're just gonna go for a ride,
see where it takes us.
423
00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:59,221
Maybe start a vet clinic
somewhere along the way.
424
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:02,933
He'll nurse the animals back to health,
I'll offer grooming services.
425
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,602
Okay, you know what?
426
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,648
Maybe I overreacted for a second.
427
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:13,652
I was just talking to Alexis,
and we sorta wound each other up.
428
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,612
-Stevie didn't help.
-Stevie never helps.
429
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:19,408
So I didn't love seeing my boyfriend
kissing some other guy.
430
00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,536
I'm sorry, are you saying
you were jealous?
431
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,165
David, I'm not playing this game with you.
432
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:29,418
No, you just said you didn't like seeing
your boyfriend kissing another guy.
433
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:32,963
Okay, fine. He's a handsome guy.
I might've been a little jealous.
434
00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:34,131
So, you think he's handsome then?
435
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,925
What? [sighs]
He's, like-- He goes to the gym.
436
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,594
-Goes to the gym?
-Oh, my God.
437
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,221
Wow, okay, so when you said
you were jealous,
438
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:44,933
were you saying you were jealous of him,
or jealous of me?
439
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:48,103
Because I thought you were saying
you were jealous of him.
440
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:49,855
Both?
441
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,356
Not the answer I was looking for.
442
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,566
Hey.
443
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:55,068
Mm-hmm?
444
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,613
I wonder what would've happened
if we had met in high school.
445
00:19:57,696 --> 00:19:58,906
Hmm.
446
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,576
Well, unless you were into candy ravers
447
00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:05,621
with asymmetrical haircuts
and a lot of pacifier necklaces,
448
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,247
I think our paths crossed
at the right time.
449
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:13,837
How jealous, though?
450
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,631
Why don't you take out the garbage?
451
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,925
-How jealous were you?
-Nope!
452
00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:19,259
Scale of one to ten.
453
00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:23,180
-Like, enraged, or...
-Bye. Bye.
454
00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:24,431
Like, fuming? Did you sweat?
455
00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:28,227
-That was fun.
-Yep.
456
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:31,688
-That was really fun. Did you have fun?
-Yes.
457
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,066
-Did everyone have fun?
-Yes, Ted.
458
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:37,444
That's good.
It's good that everyone had fun.
459
00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:38,820
Okay, you still have your slippers on.
460
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,697
Yeah, I know,
sometimes my feet get really cold
461
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,824
-when I drink too much.
-It's not a thing.
462
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,534
Okay, well, gimme a kiss.
463
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:46,870
No! You kissed my brother tonight.
464
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:48,789
I'm not kissing you
after you kissed my brother.
465
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:51,625
Pfft! Who kissed your brother?
466
00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:54,628
Okay, it's time for "Fun Ted"
to just pass out.
467
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:56,088
No, he's not even tired.
468
00:20:56,171 --> 00:21:00,259
In fact, if anything,
I'd say he's only becoming more fun.
469
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:05,097
Okay. Okay! Okay! Okay!
I think we should just sleep it off.
470
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,807
Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.
471
00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:09,226
But first just give your brother a kiss.
472
00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:11,103
-Ew, Ted, Ew!
-Come on.
473
00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,563
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!
474
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:16,149
"Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!" That's you.
34725
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